Innocency Though Under a Cloud Cleared, Text 3 – Answer
I Having a little longer time, cannot but add a word to anſwer ſome Friends who ſeem troubled at the report of my being to be ſent beyond Sea, and the rather, in ſeeing my willingneſs: Now I cannot but ſay, that if they ſhould ſend me away to any cloſe Impriſonment, I had (if God ſee it good) rather they would put me to death here, being not in a capacity to help my ſelf: But ſhould God move their hearts to ſend me to any forreign place where I might do any thing to get bread, and live, enjoying God's preſence, though in a Wilderneſs, I ſhould much more rejoyce to imbrace it, than to live here: My Grounds are,
Firſt, I ſee an impoſſibility to reconcile or ſatisfie theſe Spirits that God hath ſuffered to be incenſed againſt me, and raiſed theſe Reports of me: for although I was and am as innocent as the childe unborn from wronging or betraying any man; and I have by my ſelf and friends, laboured to ſatisfie all I can come near, yet all comes to nothing, but they that firſt begun it do ſtill foment it: The ſence, that not only I, but God's Name ſuffers by it, with the ſence of their unheard-of-Evil, makes me willing to be where I may rather mourn away my dayes in private, where I may not ſee and hear thoſe Reproaches, than to bear the heart-breakings, under the daily hearing of it.
2dly. It was formerly, but much more now, the deſire of my heart, to do ſome ſervice for God, and bring honour to his Truth and Name, by life or death: but theſe ſort of people have, and do ſo daily revile me, & preſent all I do to be wicked, that whatever I ſay, or do, or ſuffer, it's turned to my Reproach, and the diſhonour of Truth; the ſence of which makes me willing to reſt in ſilence, and rather to live and die in ſecret, than to be publick; for ſo long as I am, I ſee I am not only the object of their reproach, but an occaſion of their ſin.
3dly. I am ſenſible, as the caſe ſtands, that if I were at liberty, let me walk never ſo carefully, yet it would not be long before I ſhould be impriſoned again; for there is ſuch an evil ſpirit in ſome, that to ſave themſelves, they value it not to betray the Innocent; And I have now freſh reaſon to ſay ſo, for it's plainly ſeen and found out, that ſome who were, and ſtill are, the inſtruments to incenſe Friends againſt me, as being (as they affirm) one that's not fit to be believed or truſted, nay, to live, for carrying-on deſigns for the preſent Authority: Theſe (I ſay) have, and that at this very time, as can be proved, gone and informed them in Authority, that I am ſuch an Enemy to them, that I am not fit for their favour, nor to be ſet at liberty. All which conſidered, if I were at liberty, I am not like long to abide ſo.
4thly. Although I can ſay, That I am willing and deſirous to reſt ſilently ſatisfied in the will of God; yet I judge it no ſin, but rather a duty, to be, as much as a man can, out of the noiſe of ſuch Cryes and Reproaches, which doth not only make my life a dying life, But it doth by the daily ſuggeſtions of Satan, ſtir up trouble and diſquietment in the mind, which ſin adds ſo much to the ſorrow, that often my ſoul would ſink, did not God ſupport me.
5thly. Whereſoever I did, or do live, it hath been, and is my deſire to be doing any ſervice or office of love for any; and to be bound up from that, is death to my very natural diſpoſition: But as the caſe ſtands with me under this ſort of ſuffering by profeſſing friends, whatever I do is converted to evil improvements; as, witneſs, ſince I came into this place, though I had no allowance, yet by the ſolicitation of a Kinſman, …n Order was procured for my walking ſometimes i… the Tower with my Keeper, I being ſickly: Pr… ſently theſe People gave it forth, that I had Liberty to do what, & go where I would, & ſo affirmed it as an evidence, that my being here was but a cover; and yet having this liberty, I could … but improve it to do any ſervice of love for … of the Priſoners that were in want, or ſick; and that not to my pain, but loſs, as is well knower (& although not we…ab… to bear it, yet did tak… great delight in it;) when they that did, and d… carry on this Reproach againſt me, ſaw it, they daily ſent in Meſſages and Meſſengers to thoſe Priſoners, To take care of me, and to have nothing to do with me, as they told me themſelves: And ſo, though I ſee ſome in want of that Help which I can afford, and do delight in the doing of it, the Lord knows, yet I muſt forbear doing of it, or elſe in doing, I muſt have my ears filled with ſuch ſad ſinful Reproaches, the ſence of which …ends not only to break my heart, but bind up my bands from doing that, which is life for me to do. …. I am not only made ſenſible of theſe … dangers, but ſenbſile of this preſent day, that … the time the Scriptures of Truth have to … at, Brethren ſhall betray Brethren, a… … …port, and we will report, Je… … … Diviſion now, is not ſo much in P… … … …ut it's as much and more in Spirit and … …ple, that to unite, muſt be alone the Work …. Almighty God, and that in an admirable …. But before this uniting, there muſt and … be a great of dividing and breaking; And be… the promiſed Gathering, there will be a greater Scattering, in anſwer to what the Promiſes and Prophecies in the Scripture hold forth, but I ſhall not enter into that, leſt I become a new object of ſomes Reproach; but the ſence of what I ſee makes me ſenſible, that it is beyound the art and power of man to turn this ſtream, and ſhould it be by them turned out of one channel into another, the Currant will be the ſame, till the promiſed Power brings the matter into a new Model: Till which, I heartily wiſh, That all the Sons of Sion would ſit ſtill, and lie at reſt in the Will of God. And for my own part I am made ſo uncapable by theſe ſad Reproaches, to help forward the Work of Union, that I am made a Cover for the dividing Spirit, and to ſee the preſent Diſtractions, and the unavoidable Ruine, my ſoul is not able to bear it; I had rather, if my Father ſee it good, to be enriched with a Jeremiah's frame of ſpirit, to weep alone, and to be as a Pelican in the Wilderneſs, mourning away my dayes; but in this, as in all things, I am at the Lords diſpoſe: And let him order them to diſpoſe of me as they pleaſe. So thy pleaſure be done, O Lord, into whoſe hands I commit my Life, and recommend all my Relations, and thoſe endeared Friends that faithfully fear thee. Amen, Amen,
P. H.
A Letter from a Friend.
Dear Friend,
I Have heard of your Sufferings and Cenſures, and have by the hand of ſome Faithful Friends ſeen ſomething of your Vindication, the truth of which I believed before I ſaw it: Only in faithfulneſs I cannot but tell you, that beſides what is publickly reported, there is ſomething elſe that is ſome trouble to ſome that dearly love you; and that is, your appearance to withdraw your Affections from ſome of your Old Friends, and your too much love to others; which I pray you, let me for my ſatisfaction, before. I go into the Country, have an anſwer to; and not only for my own ſatisfaction, but alſo to enable me to ſatisfie any where I come. I ſhall, and do daily pray for, and ſympathize with you, as a man of Sorrows, for ſo you are: But hoping you will not be troubled at my requeſt;
I remain, Sir, yours in the Faith, and Patience of Jeſus, E. D. March the 10. 1663.
The Anſwer.
My Choice Friend,
YOurs I received, and do rejoyce to ſee ſo much of Chriſtian …e…derneſs towards me, and to the Name of Chriſt; it is more than thouſands have done that readily believe, and readily report, but never came to inform, or to reform: And as to what you ſay, I have heard the ſame; but if you will as candidly hear, and conſider, as you have candidly writ, I think you will be ſatisfied. Now that I have forſaken my Old Friends, it is in a meaſure true, and I muſt needs forſake them that will not come near me, nor ſuffer me to come near them, and have been, and are the chief Inſtruments in wounding my name, and Chriſt's Name through me; and will neither come near me, nor ſuffer others to come, but will caſt dirt in their faces, and muſt go with it abroad if they ſhew me any countenance, or do me any ſervice: this is publickly known, and by ſome felt. Now conſider, and put your ſelf in my condition; to forſake where, and with whom I am forſaken, is no juſt crime, the Righteous God will ſo judge, and my tears for that will witneſs my Innocency before him, to … leave my Cauſe. And as for my too much love or too great to ſome, which is ſo ſadly cenſure, … anſwer, and that in faithfulneſs before the Lo… There were ſo few that did, or ſtill do either faithfully love me, and in my ſtate and ſtraits faithfully tender or ſympathize with me, that where I did or do find it, I am even overcome with it, and tis with me towards them, as it was with David's love to Jonathan; for ſure it was Jonathans ſympathizing love which begat that endearedneſs between them, and made them as one ſoul; ſo it was, and is with me: 'Tis true, at firſt in my ſad and unheard-of Sufferings and Cenſures, I looked about me, and ſaw as David did, Pſal. 142.4. and then I was too ready to embrace love, and ſhew love to ſome whoſe Principles I could not own when I came to ſee them, but til then, I fear I ſhewed too much love becauſe they appeared to pitty me in my ſad trials; but God knows, I was ſoon made ſenſible of that, and if I ſinned it was there, and it hath coſt me many tears: For I deſire to own none but ſuch who live truly in the Life of that Love which lives in Jeſus. But as for that little Remnant whoſe ſoul did and ſtill doth truly ſympathize with me, and with Tears and Prayers wait at God's Throne for me; and for their love to me are Hated, and Reproached for my ſake, I have not, nor do not repent of my loving them; and had I ten times more than I have, it ſhould freely go to reward them for their ſervice and ſufferings for me (after my Relations were provided for) and all is too little, my Life cannot anſwer their love: And I know God will not reprove it; for, as for their Innocency God knows, and I know, in their love to my ſoul and body. This is a true account of my condition and Affections in this matter. So deſiring God may keep me and you, and all that fear Him, faithful, owning God's Judging, more than mans Cenſuring, walking ſo, that we my render up our Account with joy, I Remain,
Sir, Yours in the Truth, Tribulation and Travel of Chriſt Jeſus. P. H.
FINIS.
End of the text · Paul Hobson, Innocency Though Under a Cloud Cleared (1664)