The Unfortunate Politician, Part 2
The Second BOOKE.
1. ANDRONICUS beingAn. Dom. 1189. thus peaceably possess'd of Constantinople, first made his humble addresse to the yong Emperour Alexius, and ceremoniously kissed his feet. The Spectatours variously commented on his prodigious humility therein, Some conceiving, he mean't to build high, because he began so low; others thinking that their Toes had need beware the cramp, whose feet he kissed.
2. The next Stage, whereon his Hypocrisie acted, was the great Church it selfe, where, meeting Theodorus the Patriarke at the doore, he incountred him with transcendent Courtship, protesting,An. Dom. 1180. that in him, he beheld the pattern of of Chrysostome, his famous Predecessour, it being questionable, whether that worthy father, did more truly survive, in the learned Books, he left to posterity, or in the lookes and life of Theodorus. And whil'st the Patriark was meditating a modest Replie, Andronicus did powr Complements, so full and fast upon him, that stifel'd therewith, he could breath no Answer in returne, but only fell into a swound of Amazement.
3. Hence, he advanced into the Quire, unto the monument of Manuel his kinsman, and late Emperour. At sight whereof, the teares trickled downe his reverent Cheekes, as if they had run a race, which of them, should be the foremost: some interpreted this, the love which Andronicus bare to the memorie of theAn. Dom. 1180. dead Emperour, and others feared, that as the moist dropping of stones is the foure-runner of foule weather; so this relenting of his hard heart, presaged some storme to follow after, in the State. Then coming to Manuels Tombe, ordering his voice so low, as seeming he might not bee, and yet so loud, as certaine hee was heard, what he spake, he expressed himselfe to this effect.
4. Deare Manuel, my loyaltie stiles thee Soveraign, but my bloud calls thee cosin. I will not say it was thy fault, but my fate, not to have my love to thee understood, according to the integrity of my intentions. my Innocence, by thee, was banished into a farre Countrie. The Burthen did not greive mee, but the hand that laid it on; not somuch to be an Exile, as an Exile made by thee. However, An. Dom. 1180.all my revenge vntounto thee, shall be in advancing the honour and safety of thy sonne Alexius, to free whose Innocence, from the Abuse of his friend-pretended-enemies, I have embarked my selfe, in a dangerous and desperate designe: Yea my manifold Infirmities (of which I am most Conscious) grieve mee not so much, in my owne behalfe, as because thereby I am rendred dis-able, from being serviceable to your sonne, in so high a degree, as I desire.
5. Then sinking his voyce, past possibility of being overheard, he continued. Base bloudy Hound, which chasest me from place to place. I here arrest thy drowsie Ashes, it being now past thy power to breake this marble Chest. I scorne to ungrave thy dust, (wishing that all my Enemies were as Sumptuously entombed,) But thy Sonne, Wife, Daughter, Favourites, An. Dom. 1180.Friends, Name, Memory, I will utterly destroy. The Poets Phansie begat three Furies in Hell, and I will be the fourth on Earth.
6. Some will demand, how we came to the knowledge of this Speech, being so secretly delivered? It is answered, it is possible some invisible Eare might lie in Ambush within the Earereach of his words. Besides, let not me be challenged for a libell, who can produce the party from whom I received it; and amongst others, discharge my selfe on one principall*Nicetas Coniates in vita Alexij numero. 16. Author of Excellent credit. Though I believe that this Speech was never taken from the Originall of Andronicus his mouth, but was translated from the black Coppie of his wicked Actions, which afterward he committed.
7. His devotions ended, heeAn. Dom. 1180. retired to his owne house, and there lived very privately, as renouncing all worldly Pompe and Pleasure, whilst his Engineeres, under-hand, were very active to procure the Empire for him, which was thus contrived: A Petition was drawne, in the name of all the People, requesting Andronicus, that hee would bee pleased, for the good of the State, to be chosen joynt Emperour with Alexius. This was subscribed by the principall men in everie place; and then Herds of silly Soules did the like. They never consulted with the Contents of the Paper, whether it was Bond, Bill, Libell, or Petition. But thought it a sinne, not to score their Marks, where they were told, their betters had gone before them. At first they wanted names for their Parchmēt, but afterward, ParchmentAn. Dom. 1180. for their names. Here it would bee tedious to recount, what slights and forgeries were used herein. If any delayed to subscribe, they were presently urged with great mens Presidents; that it was Superstition, to bee more holy than the Bishops: Rigour, to bee more just then the Judges: Malapartnesse, to pretend to more wisdome than so many States-men, who had already signed it. And thus, many fearefull Souls were compell'd to consent, by the Tyranny of others Examples. Indeed some few there were, which durst be honest, whose Soules did stand on a Basis of their own judgements, without leaning, with implicite faith, on others. These disavowed this State-Bigamie, protesting against the Co-Empireship of Andronicus, and boldly affirming, thatAn. Dom. 1180. Crownes take a Master if they accept a Mate. But then all their Names, were returned unto Andronicus, who registred them in his black Kallender, who, for the present, did remember, and for the future would requite them.
The principall Agent, that openly promoted this Businesse was Basilius, a Bishop, one that professed Heaven, and practised Earth, much medling in Temporall matters, being both lewd and lazie in his owne profession: onelyonly herein he had the Character of a good Churchman, that by his preaching and living he set forth his office accordingly.
9. And now the Scene being covertly laid, in a Solemne Assembly, on a high Festivall, this Bishop, as the mouth of the rest, (whose names heeAn. Dom. 1180. held in a Parchment Roll) represented to Andronicus the sincere Intentions, and earnest wishes of the State. Most humbly requesting him, that he would be pleased so farre to ease the tender yeares of his dear kinsman, young Alexius, as to beare halfe the burthen of the Crowne, and to accept to bee joynt-Emperour with him: Presuming, that such was the Goodnesse and Humility of Andronicus, that he would not disdaine a Part, though hee did deserve the Whole. And after a long Oration concluded. Thus anciently the Roman Senate coupled old delaying Fabius, with over-hasty Marcellus, blending Youth with Age, the Swift with Slow: Wholsome mixture, when the one brought Eyes, the other Hands; the one was for Advice, the other for Action. And thus alone it is An. Dom. 1180.possible that the distempered State of the Grecian Empire at this present, can be cured with this Cordiall, and sacred Composition, of the Gravity of your Highnesse, to temper the green yeares of Alexius.
10. Hereat Andronicus discovered a strangenesse in his looks, as if he had needed an Interpreter to understand the Language which was spoken unto him; and after some Pause proceeded. Let me not be censured for unmannerly in not returning my thanks, having my soule for the present possest with an higher employment of Admiration, That so many Aged States-men, as rich in wisedome, as yeares, should bee so much mistaken in mine Abilities, as to conceive me in any degree fit for the Moity of a Crowne. Goe chuse some Gallant, whose very flesh is steele, can march all day, and An. Dom. 1180.watch all night, whose vast Atchievements may adde Honour unto your Empire. Alas! my pale face, leane Cheeks, dimnte eyes, faint heart, weak legges, speake me fit for no Crowne, but a Coffin, no Royall Robes, bvt a windingsheet. Nor am I ashamed to confesse, that my youth hath been exceeding vitious, wherein I spared the Devill the paines of courting me, by preferring my selfe to his service: And now it is my onelyonly joy, with griefe to recollect my former wickednesse. O flate I have found out a small private place, (call it, as you please, least of Cells, or greatest of Graves,) wherein I intend wholly to devote the Remnant of my life to Meditation of Mortality. For seeing naturally our soules are too deeply rooted in Earthlinesse, it is good to loosen them a little before, that so by Death, they may be An. Dom. 1180.pluckt up with the more Easinesse: Not that wilfully, either out of Lazinesse, or Sullenesse, I decline to serve my Country, which claimes a Share in mee. But though I know I am not to live for my selfe, I am to dye to my selfe, and may now at this Age, iustly Challenge to my selfe a Writt of ease, from all wordly employment.
11. But Basilius perceiving that he did but Complement a denyall, pressed him with the greater importunity: Confessing it would torment the modesty of his Highnesse to be told how high the Audit of his vertues did amount, knowing that he desired rather to deserve then hear his own commēdations. But withall instantly intreated him to remember (what he full well understood) that the Intreaties of a whole State, had the power of Commands; and that HeavenAn. Dom. 1180. it selfe was not so impregnable, but that it might be battered open, by the importunitie of poore Petitioners, That from his acceptance of this their humble Proffer, they should hereafter date the begining of their Happinesse. That this day should stand in the Front of their Almanackes, and in Scarlet Text, as a leader, command over the rest, which followed it, as the new Birth-Day of the Grecian Empire.
12. How ever at that present nothing more was effected, & because it was late, the Assembly was dismissed, only some principall Persons were appointed with their private perswasions, to mollifie the stiffenesse of Andronicus, who prevailed so farre, that meeting next morning in the full Con course of all Sorts of People, Andronicus, First loosnedAn. Dom. 1180. the Vizard of his dissimulation for a time, letting it fairly hang by, at last it fell off of it's owne Accord, and thankfully accepted their Shouts, and Exclamations, with GOD SAVE ALEXIUS AND ANDRONICUS JOINT EMPEROURS OF GREECE.
13. Then mounted on a high Tribunall, he made an eloquent Oration, as indeed he was not only sweet, but lushious in his Language, and with the Circles of fine Phrases, could charme any Stranger, both into love, and admiration of his person; smiling, with a pleasant Countenance, he told them, that he conceived his owne Condition was represented in the Eagle, displayed in the Imperiall Standard: For as Naturalists report. that Soveraigne of Birds,An. Dom. 1180. renewes his Age; so Hee seemed to himselfe growne young again: as if the Heavens had bestowne upon him, new Shoulders for new Burdens. And seeing it was their pleasure, to elect him to the place, he promised to rescue Right out of the Paws of Oppression, to be the only Master of requests: so that all complaints, should have free Accesse to him, and, if just, Redresse from him. But especially he would be Carefull of his owne Conversation, intending, (Grace assisting him,) to have a Law in his owne example. In a word, his speech was all excellent good in it selfe, save for this only fault, that not one syllable thereof, was either truly intended or really performed.
14. The Solemnites of his Coronation were performed in great State, with much PompeAn. Dom. 1180. and Expence; And wee may observe, that the Coronations of usurpers, are generally more gorgious in their Celebrations, than those of lawfull Princes. For usurpers, out of excessive joy of what they have undeservedly gotten, care not what Cost they lavish. Besides, Ceremonies are more substantiall to them, to tell the world what they are, who otherwise would take lesse notice of them, as not intituled by any right to the place they possess. Wheras Kings, on whose Heads Crownes are dropt from Heaven, by lineall descent, often save superfluous Charges, at their Coronation, as being but a bare Ceremony, deriving or adding no right unto them, but only clearing and declaring the same to others.
15 The noise of the peoples Shouts, did allarm young Alexius, An. Dom. 1180which hitherto was fast sleeping in some obscure Corner, and little dream't, that meane while, an Empire was stollen away from him. But now coming to Andronicus, he publickly congratulated His happinesse, & with a smiling Countenance, embraced him, as hartily glad, that he had gotten so good a Companion in so great an employment. Wee read, that in the Country of Lituania, there is a peculiar Custome that married men have Adjutores Tori, Helpers of the marriage bed, which, by their Consent, lye with their wives; and these Husbands are so farre from conceiving either Hatred or Jealousie against them, that they esteeme them their principall friends. Surely the Beds in that Country are bigger than in other places: seeing amongst all other Nations, a wife is a Vessell, whereinAn. Dom. 1180. the Cape-Merchant will not admit any Adventurers to share with him. It seemes, Alexius was one of this Lituanian Temper, that could accept a Partner in his Empire, tickled with joy at the Shewes and Solemnities of his Coronation, (and well might hee laugh till his heart did ake,) though some did verily thinke, that amongst all the Pageants there presented, he himself was the strangest, and most ridiculous spectacle. As for Xene the Empresse, shee appeared not at all in publike, being pensive at home, having almost wept out her owne Eyes, because Protosebastus had his bored out.
16. Next very day, in all Pattents and publick Receipts, their Names were transposed. First, Andronicus, and then Alexius, this reason being rendred, thatAn. Dom. 1180. it was unfitting that a youth should be preferred before so grave, and Reverent an old Man. Or rather, because, as in Numeration, the Figure is to be put before the Cypher. Here some of the friends of Alexius propounded, to stop the ambition of Andronicus, before the Gangrene thereof spread further; seeing what he received, did not satisfie, but enlarge his proud breast, prompting new thoughts unto him, and widening his heart for higher desires. The motion found many to praise, but not to practice it; none would doe, what all desired were done. The younger sort conceived, that this office, because dangerous, was most proper for old men to undertake, who need not to bee thrifty of their lives, seeing it was too late to spare at the Bottome. OldAn. Dom. 1180. men were of the opinion, it best beseemed the Boldnesse & Activity of Youth: and such as were of middle Age, did partake of the Excuses of both. Thus in a Project that is apparently desperate, even those who are proudest on their termes of Honour will bee so humble, as in modesty to let meaner men goe before them.
17. As for the Lords of the Combination, (who first procured Andronicus his comming to Constantinople,) they found themselves, that they now had farre over-shot the Marke they aimed at. For they intended onelyonly to use him for the present, to humble and abate the Pride and power of Protesebastus. Which done, they meant, either wholly to remove, or warily to confine him. But now what they choseAn. Dom. 1180. for Physick must be given them for daily food: and wofull is the condition of that man, who, in case of necessity, taking hot water to prevent Swooning, must ever after drinke it for Beverage, even to the burning out of his Bowells. For Andronicus, thouhg he came in as a Tenant at will, would hold his place in Fee to himselfe and his Heires. And whereas the aforesaid LORDS promised themselves, if not Advancement to new Assurance to their old Offices; they found themselves preferr'd to nothing but neglect and contempt: neither intrusted in the Advice, nor imployed in the Execution of any matters of Moment.
18. Indeed Andronicus did loath the sight of those Lords, as Debters doe of Bailiffes, as if their very looks did arrest himAn. Dom. 1180. to pay for those Grand favours which he had formerly received from them, brought by their helpe from banishment, to power and wealth in the City. Nor would he make use of them, as too sturdy to bee pliable to his Projects; standing on their former deserts and present Dignities; but employed those Osiers of his owne planting, which might be easily wreathed to all purposes, being base up-starts, depending on his absolute Pleasure. And as he used these alone, so these onelyonly in matter of Execution: who taking himself, (and therein not mistaken) to be sole friend to himselfe, would not impart his Counsells to any one, being wont to say, that Ships sinke as deep with one, as with onehundred Leaks.
19. Wee will conclude this Book with an Independent Story,An. Dom. 1180. hoping the Reader will take it as wee finde it. There was a noted Begger in Constantinople, well known to the people thereabouts, (as who had almost worne the Thresholds of Noble mens doores, as bare as his owne cloathes) an exceeding tall, raw-bon'd Body, with a meagre, and lanke Belly, so that hee might have passed for Famine it selfe. This man was found begging about the lodgings of Andronicus, very late at night, at an unseasonable houre, except one would say, that men of his profession, as they are never out of their way, so they are never out of their time, but may seasonably beg at any houre, when they are hungry. Being apprehended at the Guard, and accused for a Conjurer, (his ugly face being all the Evidence against him,) Andronicus delivered him overAn. Dom. 1180. to the indiscreet discretion of the People, to doe with him as they pleased. These wilde Justicers, without legall proofe, or further proceeding, for Almes, bestowed on him a Pile of Wood, and a great fire, where they burnt him to Ashes, whose fact might justly have intitled him to a whipping Post, but not to a Stake.
20. Say not that this is beneath our History, to insert the Death of a Begger in the life of an Emperour. For all Innocents are equall in the Court of Heaven; And this poore man, who, whilst alive, was so loud at great Mens doores, for meat to preserve his life, his bloud may be presumed to bee as crying and clamorous at the gates of Heaven to revenge his death. For herein Andronicus taught the People to bee Tyrannicall,An. Dom. 1180. a needlesse Lesson to such apt Schollers, who afterwards proved Proficients herein, to the cost of their Teacher, as, God willing, shall be shewed hereafter.