Heaven Upon Earth, Declaration 2
Experiences of Mris. Katherine Clark.
HAving met with the Experiences of this Religious and worthy Gentlewoman in the account of her Life, publiſhed by her pious Huſband Mr. Samual Clark, formerly Miniſter of St. Bennet Fink London; which were found written in her own hand after her death; and they being ſo very pertinent to the others aforementioned, I thought it might be very uſeful to inſert them, without any alteration, in her own words.
When I was but young, my Father being at Prayer in his Family, I many times found ſuch ſweetneſs, and was ſo affected therewith, that I could not but wiſh that my heart might be oftner in ſuch a frame, but Childhood, and the Vanities thereof ſoon cooled theſe heavenly ſpari…s; but my Father (who was a Miniſter) cauſed we to write Sermons, and to repeat the ſame: As alſo to learn Mr. Perkins Catechiſm, which I oft repeated to my ſelf when I was alone; and therein I eſpecially took notice of thoſe places wherein he had ſet down the ſigns and marks of a ſtrong and weak Faith, being convinced in my Conſcience that without Faith I could not be ſaved; and that every Faith would not ſerve turn to bring me to Heaven. Hereupon I fell to examination of my ſelf, and though I could not find the marks of a ſtrong, yet through God's Mercy, I found the marks of a true, tho' but w… Faith, which was ſome comfort and ſupport to me. And that God which began this good work in me, was pleaſed to quicken and ſ… me up to a diligent uſe of ſuch means, as himſelf hd ordained and appointed for the encreaſe thereof, as hearing the Word, Preaching, private Duties, &c.
But when I was about ſeventeen years old, my Parents ſent me to wait upon a young Gentlewoman in Northamptonſhire, the only Daughter of Sir W. W. At which time being ſent ſo far from my near and dear Relations, and meeting with ſome other diſcouragements in the Family, thro' want of the Means of Grace, which I formerly enjoyed, I grew very melancholy. I began alſo to have great workings of Conſcience in me, and Satan, the deadly Enemy to the health and welfare of our Souls, who, like a roaring Lion, walks about continually ſeeking whom he may devour, took this advantage, thro' my ignorance of his Devices, to raiſe up fears, doubts, and terrours of Conſcience in me, by reaſon of my manifold ſins, and for walking ſo unworthy of God's Mercies whilſt I did enjoy them, and for being ſo unfruitful under the Means of Grace, and ſo unable to obey God, and keep his Commandments. And by reaſon hereof, I had no peace nor reſt to my Soul night nor day, but was perſwaded that all the threatnings contained in the Book of God, againſt wicked and ungodly men, did belong to me, and were my portion, as being one of them againſt whom they were denounced. Inſomuch as when I took up the Bible to read therein, it was accompanied with much fear and trembling; yet being convinced that it was my duty frequently to read God's Word, I durſt not omit or neglect it. Thus I continued a great while, bearing the burden of grievous Temptations, and inward afflictions of Conſcience; yet durſt I not open the wound, nor reveal my condition to any, as thinking and judging my caſe to be like no bodies elſe. But God, who is rich in mercy, and Jeſus Chriſt, who bought his people at ſo dear a rate, would not ſuffer any of his to be loſt, and therefore he was graciouſly pleaſed to preſerve, ſtrengthen and uphold me by his own power, from ſinking into Hell through deſpair, and from running out of my Wits. Thus by reaſon of my continual grief, and anguiſh of heart night and day, I was ſo weakened and changed within the compaſs of ſix months, that when I came home my dear Parents ſcarce knew me.
For ſome years after her return, ſhe, for the moſt part, continued in her Fathers Family, where by a diligent and conſciencious uſe of the the Means, both publick and private, ſhe did thrive and grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jeſus Chriſt, as ſhe increaſed in days and years; Till ſhe was married to Mr. Samuel Clark, to whom in all capacities ſhe was an excellent Wife; After her death in a little Book in her Cabinet, ſhe gave the former account of her Converſion to God, and added many more of her Experiences to this effect.
I here ſet down Gods gracious dealings with me, not for my own praiſe, but for the Glory of God, and to ſtir up my heart unto true thankfulneſs for ſuch unvaluable mercies. And I have had many experiences of Gods gracious dealing; with me at ſeveral times under afflictions. 1. When Perſonal afflictions have lain upon me in reſpect of bodily ſickneſs, or Spiritual Diſtempers. 2. In family afflictions when God hath taken away my childaen. 3. When I have been under fears that God would take away my dea… huſband, by ſome dangerous ſickneſs which he lay under. 4. When I have been under great fears, in the time of our Civil Wars. 5. When I have been under Spiritual Deſertion, by Gods hiding his face and favour from me; or by reaſon of weakneſs, and wants in grace: Or by reaſon of ſtrong and prevaling corruptions, or by reaſon of Satans temptations: In all theſe Caſes I have experienced Gods gracious Diſpenſations toward me; of which I ſhall ſet down a few.
It pleaſed God for many year to keep me for the moſt part in a ſad and deſolate Eſtate and condition not clearly evidencing the certain aſſurance of his love to my ſoul: So that many times I queſtioned whether I was a Child of God or no; whether I had part in Jeſus Chriſt or no: whether I ſhould ever attain to life and ſalvation or no: and this made me walk with a drooping and diſconſolate Spirit, ſo that I could have no ſure comfort in any thing: But tho' heavineſ… endured for a night, yet joy came in the morning, when the Lord cauſed the light of his countenance to ſhine upon me which was better than life.
It pleaſed God upon the death of my youngeſt Child, that it lay very heavy upon my Spirit, in ſo much that I was brought oft upon my knees to beg ſupport from God, and to crave his grace and aſſiſtance, that I might not break out, to ſpeak or act any thing, whereby Gods name might be diſhonoured, or the Goſpel diſcredited: And that he would be pleaſed to make up this outward loſs, with ſome more durable and Spiritual good; and the Lord was pleaſed to return a gracious and ſpeedy anſwer to theſe my requeſts; for though I lay long under the burden of that loſs, yet the Lord in his due time did ſweetly manifeſt his ſpecial love to my ſoul, aſſuring me that he was my gracious and reconciled Father in Chriſt; whereby my love to him was much increaſed, and even inflamed; ſo that by his grace, it wrought in me more diligence and carefulneſs, to maintain and preſerve theſe Evidences of his love, and to yield a lively ſubmiſſion unto his will, as well in ſuffering as in doing: As alſo by avoiding whatſoever might provoke him, to withdraw the evidences of his love from me, without the ſenſe whereof I could take little or no comfort in any thing.
And furthermore I bleſs God for it, and ſpeak it to the praiſe and glory of his rich and free grace, my prayers and earneſt deſires have been anſwered, by God's giving me comfortable aſſurance, both from the teſtimony of his holy Word, and the witneſs of his bleſſed Spirit, of my eternal and everlaſting Salvation in and by Jeſus Chriſt. Yet have I not been without fears and doubtings many times, through want of looking over my Evidences, or by neglecting to keep a narrow watch over my heart; or from ſome weakneſs of my Faith, and all through my own default and negligence; the Lord pardon it, and make me more circumſpect for the time to come.
By all theſe I have gained this Experience; 1. That God is true and faithful in making good all his promiſes ſeaſonably unto us: As that, All things ſhall work together for our good: and that God will never leave us nor forſake us, &c. 2. That it is not in vain to wait upon God, and …o ſeek unto him in our ſtraits, who is more ready to hear than we are to ask. 3. That I deſire to ſee, yea the Lord hath ſhewed me, the vanity and uncertainty of the moſt ſatisfying comforts that this World can afford, and what an emptineſs there is in them, that ſo I may, (and I deſire ſo to do) keep weaned affections toward them, and to ſit looſe from them, that I may be ready to part with them, when God calls them from me, or me from them.
Again in regard of bodily weekneſs and ſickneſs, my Experiences have been theſe; 1. That as a broken ſhoulder can bear no burden; ſo the leaſt diſtemper, when the heart is not in a holy frame and temper, is a burden inſupportable. If God hides his face from us, and withdraws the evidences of his love, and denies to aſſiſt us by his ſtrength, we can neither do, nor ſuffer any thing. And on the contrary, I found by experience, that I could with much chearfulneſs, holy ſubmiſſion, and willingneſs, bear great diſtempers, when I enjoyed the favour of God in them: So that then I could readily ſay, Good is the Work of the Lord, as well as his Word. And, I will bear the Indignation of the Lord, becauſe I have ſinned againſt him, Micah 7.9. And Job 13.15. Though he ſlay me, yet will I truſt in him. 2. I found by experience alſo, that by my pains and ſickneſs, I was the better able to ſympathize with, and to pity and pray for others in the like caſe. 3. Hereby I learn'd the more to prize health, and that upon ſeveral accounts, namely, becauſe in health we have liberty and opportunity to enjoy the Publick Ordinances with others of God's People, whereby the Graces of true Chriſtians are quickened, ſtrengthened and increaſed in us, which otherwiſe, by reaſon of our corrupt Natures, are apt to grow cold and languiſh, as will our bodies if they want food. Again, becauſe in health we enjoy the benefit and the comfort of ſweet and quiet ſleep, which much refreſhes and cheers, and which commonly we want in ſickneſs. Laſtly, Becauſe in health, we find ſweet, ſatisfying comfort in the uſe of God's good Creatures; whereas in ſickneſs, the daintieſt food is loathſom, and troubleſom. The conſideration of theſe things made me the more to prize health; to be very thankful for it, and the more careful to imploy and improve health and ſtrength to God's glory, and the furtherance of my own Salvation.
In regard of publick dangers, I have had a great deal of experience of God's goodneſs toward me and mine ſeveral times. For when in the begining of the Civil Wars and Diſtractions 1642. I was ſometimes over whelmed with weak and diſtruſtful fears, occaſioned by my not acting Faith upon the Promiſes, and not remembring my former Experiences, nor conſidering God's love, power and fidelity to his Children, in performing his ſo many gracious promiſes, made unto them in all eſtates and conditions, and to me among the reſt: Hereupon I reſolved by God's grace and aſſiſtance, not to give way to this diſtruſt and diffidence, praying God to aſſiſt me therein, and found more courage than formerly, ſo far as I knew my own heart; though truly the heart is very deceitful, as I have found by ſad experience; the Lord teach me and inable me to rely upon him with more courage and conſtancy, and more to live by Faith upon his promiſes than formerly I have done. Indeed I have been apt to fall into new fears upon approaching dangers; yet upon ſucceſſes and glorious deliverances, I have oft reſolved, never to diſtruſt God again, and yet my naughty heart hath deceived me, and made me ready to faint; but this I found by experlence, to the praiſe of my God's Free Grace, that as troubles have abounded, my conſolations have abounded much more. For God brought ſeaſonably into my mind, many precious promiſes, which were as ſo many ſweet Cordials, which much ſupported and comforted my heart, and upheld my ſpirit, when new ſtorms have ariſen, and unexpected deliverances have followed. And I have, and do reſolve, by God's Grace, not to diſtruſt him any more. Yer, though more and greater dangers ſhall ariſe, yet I will truſt in him, and ſtay my ſelf upon him. Though, as Job ſaid, he ſhould ſlay me. The good Lord eſtabliſh my heart in this good and holy reſolution, who is able to keep us to the end, and hath promiſed that he will preſerve us by his power, through Faith to the Salvation of our Souls.
In regard of Satan's Temptations; eſpecially concerning my coming to the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper, my Experience; have been theſe. Finding often that I was very unable to fit and prepare my ſelf for a comfortable approach to that ſacred Ordinance, I uſed to deſire the prayers of the Congregation unto God in my behalf, and uſed the beſt endeavour I could in private, as God enabled me, though I came far ſhort of what was required, and of what I deſired: So that I did truſt and hope, through God's mercy, to find a comfortable day of it, and to have it a ſealing Ordinance to my Soul: But on the contrary, I found much deadneſs, and little ſpiritual taſt, reliſh and comfort in the uſe of it; ſo that my ſpirit was oft much troubled, and caſt down in me, fearing leſt I had ſome ſecret ſin undiſcovered, and unrepented of, which cauſed the Lord thus to hide his face from me. But then my gracious God brought this into my mind, that the Lord doth ſometimes afflict us for the exerciſe and improvement of our graces, as well as to humble us for our ſins. I alſo conſidered, that as the Lord doth tender great mercies to us in this Sacrament, renewing his Covenant of Grace, and ſealing to us the pardon of our ſins in the Blood of Chriſt; ſo he gives us leave to ingage our ſelves, by renewing our Covenant with him, to believe in him, and to truſt upon Chriſt for Life and Salvation: And it pleaſed God to give me Faith to apply this to my own particular Soul; and a while after to ſhew me, and to make good to my Soul that precious and comfortable promiſe, That tho' he hides his face from us for a little moment, yet with mercy and l…ving kindneſs he will return to us again. This was a wonderful comfort and ſupport to my dejected heart: Bleſſed be the Lord for ever; I deſire to treaſure up theſe Experiences, that for the future, I may in the like caſe, reſolve to put my whole truſt and con…idence in him, that ſo Satan may not intrap me in his ſnares through unbelief; but that I may reſiſt him, ſtedfaſt in the Faith. For I am not altogether ignorant of his devices. God's promiſe is, that in all theſe things we ſhall be more than Conquerors, through him that hath loved us: And hath ſaid, that, This is the Victory whereby we overcome the World, even our Faith, 1 John 5.4.
In the year 1664, there came to us the ſad News of the death of my ſecond Son Mr. John Clark, a godly, faithful and powerful Miniſter. Thus as the waves of the Sea follow one another, ſo God is pleaſed to exerciſe his Children with one affliction after another; he ſees whilſt we carry about us this body of ſin, we have need of manifold Tryals and Temptations; as ſaith the Apoſtle, 1 Pet, 1.6. Now for a ſeaſon ye are in heavineſs, if need be, through manifold temptations; to keep us under, and to make us the better to remember our ſelves. Indeed it hath been the Lord's courſe and dealing with me, ever ſince he ſtopped me in the way as I was poſting to Hell, to raiſe up one affliction or other, either inward or outward, either from Satan, the World, or my own corrupt heart; and nature; not having wiſdom and grace to behave and carry my ſelf as I ought under his various diſpenſations and providences, as appeared at this time by his laying ſo great and grievous an affliction upon me, in taking away ſo dear a Son, from whom I had much Soul-comfort, and ardent affections, which he manifeſted by his fervent prayers for me, and by his ſpiritual Letters, and Writings to me; wherein he applied himſelf ſuitably to my comfort, in thoſe inward troubles of heart and ſpirit that lay upon me. This cauſed my grief and ſorrows to take the greater hold on me, upon the loſs of one who was ſo uſeful to me: Yet hereby I do not derogate from my Elder Son, from whom I have the like help and comfort. Upon this ſad occaſion my grief grew ſo great, that I took no pleaſure of any thing in the World; but was ſo overwhelmed with melancholy, and my natural ſtrength was ſo abated, that little food ſerved my turn, and I judged that I could not live long in ſuch a condition.
Hereupon I began to examine my heart why it ſhould be ſo with me, and whether carnal, and inordinate affections, were not the great cauſe of my trouble, which I much feared. And having uſed many Arguments, and laid down many Reaſons to my ſelf, to quiet and moderate my paſſions, yet nothing prevailed to quiet and calm my heart, and to bow me to the obedience of Gods revealed Will: And withal conſidering that it was God only that could quiet the heart, and ſet our unruly and carnal affections into an holy frame and order, and that he was a preſent help in time of trouble; I often and earneſtly ſought the Lord, with many Prayers and Tears, beſeeching him to quiet my heart, and to over-power, and tame my unruly affections, ſo as to be willing to ſubmit unto him, and to bear his afflicting Hand patiently, and fruitfully, and to be ready and willing to ſubmit, either in doing or ſuffering, whatſoever he pleaſed to impoſe upon me; and to be ready to part with the beſt outward comfort I enjoyed, whenſoever he ſhould pleaſe to call for the ſame.
And it pleaſed God ſeaſonably to hear my Prayer, to regard my Tears, and to grant my Requeſts, by calming and quieting my heart and ſpirit, and to give me, much more contentedneſs to ſubmit to his holy Will, and good Pleaſure, who is a God of Judgment, and knows the fitteſt times and ſeaſons to come in with refreſhing comforts, and who waits to be gracious unto thoſe that truſt in him. Yet ſurely I was not without many temptations, in this hour of darkneſs, from that ſubtle Adverſary, who always ſtands at watch to inſinuate and frame his temptations, anſwerable to our conditions, and like a roaring Lion, walks about continually, ſeeking to devour poor, yet grecious Souls. Then, I called upon the Lord in my diſtreſs, and he anſwered me, and delivered me. Bleſs the Lord, O my Soul! and all that is within me praiſe his holy Name. For he hath remembred me in my low and troubled eſtate, becauſe his mercy endureth for ever.
Having thus had new Experience of God's readineſs to hear and help, when I called upon him; and having found that it is not in vain to ſeek to, and to depend upon God in all our ſtraits, I could not but record theſe things, that ſo, Every one that is godly may ſeek unto him in a time wherein he may be found, who is a preſent help in time of trouble, and who doth for us abundantly above what we can ask or think. The Lord knows that I write theſe things for no other end, but that God may have the glory, and that others, eſpecially my Relations, may be incouraged to ſeek God in their ſtraits, and to truſt in him at all times. If God ſhall pleaſe to bring me to my Grave in peace, let this be the Text at my Funeral, Epheſ. 2.8. For by Grace ye are ſaved through Faith. This Scripture I was oft put upon, to have recourſe to in times of Temptation and Deſertion. Though our hearts may fail us, and our fleſh may fail us, yet the Lord will never fail us. Amen.