Heaven Upon Earth, Declaration 32
XXXII. Experiences of T. G.
IT hath pleaſed the Lord God of his own free mercy and love in Jeſus Chriſt to prevent and keep me ever ſince I was born from many thouſand dangers, and yet I like an unruly Creature, have kicked at his Fatherly protection, and run into many groſs and vile ſins. The firſt groſs one was, many kinds of unlawful gaming, which held me as a bond-ſlave near thirty years, to the great endangering both of my Body and Soul, but yet it pleaſed the Lord to look graciouſly upon me, and to give me afterwards an hatred againſt this vice, and withal, he put into my mind a reſolution, which I confirmed with a vow, as followeth: That as I loved God and his Word, or my own Soul, I would never play at any game for money ſo long as I lived. The Lord was pleaſed to accept of my good will, and bleſſed me and mine in my lawfull calling many years, untill at the laſt that old Serpent the Devil, envying my happy proceedings in this Reformation, he drew me into many other ſins, which had almoſt brought me to as bad an end as the firſt. But the Lord out of the loweſt Extremities gives in remedies to his Children, and he gave me an hatred againſt them alſo, and a Reſolution, Never to commit them any more.
Yet about two or three years after, that old enemy of mankind, Satan, that roaring Lion ſeeking whom he may devour, came again with turnings to deſtroy me, perſwading me, that to drink with my Neighbours, was acceptable to God (which may be uſed without exceſs) but I gave will the full reins, which brought me back again to my former courſes, withal annexing wrath and anger to my Houſe and Family, perſwading me that I muſt rule in my houſe, which had brought me beſides my ſelf, had not God helped me, who never fails thoſe whom he loves, and that put their truſt in him: For preſently upon this extremlty, he ſent this remedy. 1. A ſight of my ſins: 2. A grief and ſorrow for them: 3. A reſolution to leave them: And 4. The Lord carryed me through a way to leave them, which was thus.
I began to call to mind what was the greateſt thing I loved in this World, and in the World to come, beſides thoſe that I named before, which I ſet oppoſite to theſe two monſters: Then I vowed before the Lord, deſiring his aſſiſtance, That as I loved the Holy Ghoſt the comforter, or ever looked to have comfort from the bleſſed communion of the body and blood of Chriſt Jeſus to cleanſe my ſins, ſo if I did remember or was in perfect ſenſe, I would never drink above two reaſonable glaſſes, or cups of Wine, or four cups of Beer in any one place, or at any one time, without any Equivocation, And that at any time when I came into the doors of my houſe, if there were any controverſie in my Family, that then I would with gentle perſwaſions do my beſt indeavour to end it; And this with Gods help I would perform. And I prayed, O Lord my God, bleſs my hand and my heart to perform thy will, that when any temptation to gaming or drunkenneſs, or luſt ſhall aſſault me, either by thought or any other means, that then preſently I may fly unto thee in the name of Chriſt Jeſus my Saviour. And I do ſtill fly unto God, confeſſing and ſorrowing for my ſins, deſiring the Lord to help and aſſiſt me to perform and keep all theſe, and in all thing to ſerve God as long as I live. I cannot be ſo humbled for my ſins as I deſire, yet have I had much trouble for ſin, and have ſhed tears many a time, and I have been much troubled that my heart cannot be broken enough; yet I have had many croſſes, but I know it is the hand of God, and I deſire to lye low before him.
When God firſt diſcovered my ſins to me, I was was much terrified. But I have found much comfort in that glorious promiſe, which God made when Adam had ſinned, that The ſeed of the Woman ſhould break the Serpents head, Gen. 3. And alſo that ſweet Promiſe declared by the Lord Jeſus, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you reſt, Matth. 11.28. And Peter declareth ſaving, Repent and be converted, that your ſins may be blotted out, when the times of refreſhing ſhall come from the preſence of the Lord. I have pleaded theſe and ſeveral other promiſes with God, and have by faith truſted in God, who bids us caſt our care on him, and he will care for us, 1 Pet. 5.7. And I do believe in God, and caſt my ſelf upon him, knowing all the Promiſes to be yea, and Amen in Chriſt. And I have theſe effects of Gods gracious ſpirit, working Regeneration in my Soul. 1. In that the Lord (bleſſed be his holy name) hath ſo ſetled my heart on himſelf, that I could leave friends, relations, and all things for God. 2. I find in my heart a real affection and love ſtrongly carryed out to all the children of God, and I love to do good to the people of God. 3. I take much delight to hear the word of God preached, and to partake of duties with the people of God & to have communion with God in private duties. 4. I am troubled when my heart is cold in duty, but much comforted, when my heart is inlarged towards God. 5. I believe that God will ſave me through Chriſt for ever.
T. G.