Heaven Upon Earth, Declaration 12
XII. Experiences of T. M.
ABout the fourteenth year of my age I was put out to be an Aprentice, but was placed with a Maſter in whom I ſaw little of God, his ways were contrary to the ways of God, which was a great trouble to my Spirit; and the more becauſe ſome rude people Drink, Swear, and be very deboyſt with him. Three or four years after, there grew great diſputes amongſt ſome perſons about Epiſcopacy, Presbytery, Independency, and the like, which made me queſtion with my own thoughts, which was the true way to worſhip God. I applyed my ſelf to Mr. T. the Miniſter, and others, yet was not ſatisfied, but after great perplexity of ſpirit, I meditated with my ſelf, and wondred what would be the end of my troubles, for they had been many, eſpecially temptations to deſpair of ſalvation.
But afterwards being returned back from my Maſter to my Fathers houſe, lying down once upon a bench I fell aſleep, and dreamed that I was in a green Meddow, where I ſaw various forms of Creatures, ſome furious, others very pleaſing, yet all of them ſeemed monſtruous, and changed their ſhapes often. And beholding my ſelf alone in the middeſt of them, I was grievouſly troubled, and then there ſeemed to appear a great red Dragon; before it came at me I thought a little Child was put in my arms, which was ſo beautiful and comely that I admired it, and was ſo taken with beholding it, that it put the fear of the Dragon for the preſent out of mind; But the Dragon afterwards drew near, and ſorely affrighted me; but both my ſelf and the child were taken away; and carried up an hill, and the Dragon purſued us; and being often ready to fall in running up the hill, I feared that the Dragon would catch me, but my ſtrength being come to me I got up to the top of the hill, and the Dragon made up after me. When I was got up to the top there appeared a brightneſs from Heaven, which guſhed forth like a ſtaſh of Lightning, and ſplit the Dragon in pieces, at which I rejoyced exceedingly. Then the Child was put into my Arms again, and I asked it what was its name, it ſaid, Emanuel; I asked who was its Father, it ſaid, I am, I asked, who was its Mother, it ſaid, Eternity, I asked, from whence he came, he ſaid, from my Father out of Heaven; I asked to whom he came, and what was his errand here, he ſaid, to ſave that which was loſt, and return again; I asked him, if he would dwell with me wh…e he ſtayed, he ſaid, he could not be detained according to that frame and figure he was in, but after death he would dwell with me in another frame; the thought of death grieved me, but the child bid me not to weep at it, for in this World, that which is beauty muſt be deſtroyed, and that which is contemptible muſt be exalted. I then ſaw my ſelf very contemptible, and poor, and troubled, and in theſe thoughts the child was taken away from me.
Then my Father coming into the room made a noiſe, whereat I awaked, much diſtracted, and troubled in my thoughts, and ſo perplexed that I knew not what to do, and the more, by ſeeking to underſtand what I had ſeen, becauſe I knew not how to be ſatisfied, in ſome doubts that lay very ſad and heavy …on my Soul. But I have ſince found much comfort out of Gods word, where Chriſt ſaith, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you reſt. And the Lord ſaith, I have called thee by name. And again, he ſaith in another place, I will bear in thee a poor and afflicted people, and they ſhall ſerve me. And in Eſay he ſaith, I will gather my Lambs with my Arms, and gently lead thoſe that are with young. and then he hath promiſed, That he will never lay more upon his people, then he will enable them to bear. And I have theſe effects of my faith; 1. My heart is led out to love God, who is eternal, and inviſible, and incomprehenſible, I love him in all his diſpenſations towards me, and in the meaneſt Creature, though never ſo deſpiſed; I deſire to own God where ever I ſee him. 2. I find my heart very full in duty, yet I have been ſometimes troubled by ſome cholerick diſtempers that have tranſported me in ſome diſputes which I am very ſorry for, and reſolve to leave. 3. I love the Lord, who hath heard my Prayer, and now at laſt ſatisfied me in every ſcruple of my conſcience. 4. My deſire is, to walk according to the rules of the Goſpel, all the days of my life.
T. M.