Sacred Therapy, Book 2 · Chapter 9
CHAP. IX.
Wherein the converts doubt, arising from his uncertainty as what time he was converted, is solved.
THere are some true converts, who after they have past a good part of their journey to heaven, begin to halt and make slow progresse, by doubting whether they be walking in the true converts foot-steps, or whether they be converted at all, or not. The reason of their doubting, ariseth from this, that in conference with sundry of the Saints of their acquaintance, they have observed, that every one of them could design the time of their conversion, and from that time can reckon their age in Christ: Or, from this is their doubt arisen, that in the Treatise of some modern Writer, they have read, or from the Sermon of some well esteemed Preacher they have heard some such doctrine, whereupon the true convert falleth out with himself in saying, I was bred and brought up in a godly family, I have followed the exercises of religion; after hearing the heads and summe of christian Religion, I have embraced the truth; I seemed to my self to believe in Christ, and entertain the exercise of repentance, and to endeavour the amendment of my life; I love these whom I see to live holily, and I do hate the wayes of the profane, but because I cannot tell when or what day or year I was really converted, as I know sundry of the godly of my acquaintance can do; therefore I doubt whether my conversion be begun or not, but mean time, though I will not turn off the way I have been following, yet I go on halting and heartlesse till I be cleared of my doubt.
2. For removing this doubt, we must yield this far to the afflicted, that many indeed deceive themselves, who being civilly educated, and from their bairn-age accustomed with the exercises of religion; are nothing beyond the foolish virgins, and do rest satisfied with their own and others opinion of themselves. If such persons be questioned, when they began to repent, or believe in Christ; it is true, they cannot design the time when they were unconverted, but have still been pleased, and are pleased, with their own estate, and in effect were never converted. But it is no lesse true on the other hand, that there are some who indeed are renewed, in whom, peece and peece, without any notable change, faith and repentance, and a holy conversation, have grown with the growing knowledge of the Gospel, and will of God therein; of whom it may be truly said, the kingdom of heaven cometh not with observation; of whom it is said, Mark. 4. 26. So is the kingdom of God, as if a man should cast seed into the ground, and should sleep, and rise night and day, and the seed should spring and grow up, he knoweth not how.
But to solve the doubt, it maters not whether a man know or not know the day of his conversion, provided he be indeed regenerat and made a new creature. Wherefore the afflicted may be of good courage, if after serious examination of his own conscience, he be humbled frequently in the sense, not only of his actual sins and short-coming of his duty, but also in the sense of his original and in-dwelling corruption or body of death; if, as he doth indeed loath himself, and renounce all confidence in his best works, so he seriously imbrace the imputed righteousnesse of Christ, and in his strength, by faith in him, doth endeavour to live holily, righteously and soberly, (albeit joyned with many imperfections) he may conclude, he is regenerat: for, if these three be joyned in him in any measure of honesty, he needeth not be anxious what day, monethmonth or year the holy Spirit began to work these things in him. Only let him give all diligence to grow in humility, faith and new obedience, and to hold on this way, whatsoever doubts or impediments he shall meet with; for, the Apostle exeemeth such a man from the number of hypocrits and unconverted, Phil. 3. 3. We, saith he, are the circumcision, or the Christian converts, who worship God in the spirit, and rejoyce in Christ Iesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.