Sacred Therapy, Book 2 · Chapter 10
CHAP. X.
Wherein is solved the converts doubt of his regeneration, arising from his apprehension, that the beginning of the change of his life, was not from the sincere love of God, but either from terror or self-love, which he conceiveth to be but carnal.
SOme true converts are, who can design the time of the change of their way from sin to Christ, and to a holy life, whereof they have not only the Church they live in, but also their own conscience witnesses; yet after a considerable time, do fall in suspicion, whether that time of their change was the time of their effectuall calling; some of them bringing no other reason of their doubting, save this, that they were never much troubled with the terrors of the Law, but most part allured to draw near to God, and to eshew the way of sinning by the love of eternal life. Other some, doubting of the soundnesse of their conversion, because the …error of God and fear of condemnation and hell prevailed more with them, for changing their course, then the love of God and true holinesse did; and both the one sort and the other do conceive the chief rise of their change to have been natural or carnal, self-love, fearing harm, and loving life.
2. For removing of this doubt, we grant, that there are many, who after some notable delivery from death, or some notable benefit received, or after some sharp rod of chastisement for their sin, have changed their outward way of living, left off grosse vices, and led a more civil and blamelesse outward life, and yet have neither seriously repented them of sin, nor seriously fled in unto the grace of Jesus Christ offered in the Gospel, neither knowing what saving faith is, nor carefull to know it; but of such we do not speak here, for we are speaking of the true convert and renewed man, who in the sense of sin is fled to Christ, in the sense of his unworthinesse maketh the grace offered his refuge, and in the sense of indigence, looketh up to Christ and seeketh supply of him in all things, and by the holy Spirit is striving against sin, endeavouring in some measure of sincerity to bring forth the fruits of faith and repentance; and yet for all this, he doubteth of the sincerity of his own conversion, for the reasons foresaid. To this souldier and wrestler we say (as before we said to him that doubteth of his conversion, because he cannot design the time of his conversion) it is not material by what way, or means or motives, a man is brought unto Christ, provided he doth come and indeed adhere to Christ; it is all one whether the rise of the mans turning from sin to God, was love alluring, or terror driving him, whether a benefit or a sharp rod, whether fear or hope did at the first beginning of his change, move him to seek God; provided, God manifested in the flesh Christ Jesus the Redeemer of sinners, be now his beloved Lord, and precious in his eyes: for, he that is most sweetly allured to come to God, and without much fear is converted, who possibly after serious conviction of sin and deserved death, is not keeped long at the door of mercy, but forthwith is admitted to the throne of grace, and tenderly entertained by the Spirit of consolation, may fall in hard exercises afterward. This is evident in the experience of the Prophet David, in whom his brethren, living in the same family with him, did not perceive any signes of a sorrowfull or heavy heart, as his brother Eliab's words do shew, 1 Sam. 17. 28. I know thy pride, and the naughtiness of thy heart. Thus did Eliab judge of David's chearfull carriage, whereof also we have some evidence, that David was of a ruddy and beautiful countenance, and for some years of his youth, did passe the time pleasantly, serving God with his songs and harp while he was feeding his sheep in the wildernesse: now none can justly question his conversion all this time, or his sincerity in this service, yet afterward he was otherwayes exercised: for oft-times he felt the power of the Law upon his spirit, and was tossed with the terror thereof, and made to mourn and weep heavily. Such doth Iob's condition seem to be in his youth, as it is described, Iob 29. but afterward in the tryal of his faith, what a conflict with temptation he had, the sacred History doth testifie. Therefore, there is no reason why any, in whom these evidences of a true Israelit are found in any measure, should suspect the sincerity of his regeneration, because he hath been gently handled in his conversion: for it may come to passe, that the same person may fall in firy tryals and so hard temptations, as he may fall in doubt of his conversion, in regard of the sad afflictions inward and outward whereby he is exercised. In which case he will be found to be mistaken no lesse then he was mistaken in the former case and condition; for, some dear children of God may possibly, both in their conversion and most part of their life, be exercised with the terrors of the Law, and yet retain fast hold by faith on Christs grace in their deepest afflictions: For instance, we offer that precious soul Heman the Ezrait, who came near unto Solomon in the point of wisdom, 1 King. 4, 31. and yet how bitter his afflictions of spirit were, the 88. Psalm beareth witnesse, specially. v. 13. 14, 15. But unto thee have I cryed, O Lord, and in the morning shall my prayer prevent thee. And why castest thou off my soul? why hidest thou thy face from me? I am afflicted and ready to die from my youth up: while I suffer thy terrors, I am distracted, &c. And therefore, there is no just cause, that any, in whom the evidences of faith and repentance may be found, should call the sincerity of his own conversion in question, how hardly soever he seem to be handled of God: for whosoever is joyned to the Lord Jesus, and will neither suffer himself to be driven from him, nor yet will endure sin to remain in himself uncontrolled, is certainly a true convert. As for these, who for some temporal cause, are come to Christ (as many did come in the dayes of his flesh) that they might be delivered from some temporal evil, or obtain some temporal benefit, and for that cause do doubt of their conversion or sincerity thereof; they need not dispute much about the occasions of their first seeking after God, provided that they have learned what Christs grace is, and do seek righteousnesse and salvation in him; for, we read in the Evangel, that sundry, that they might be cured of leprosie, palsie, blindnesse, &c. came unto Christ, who afterward came and adhered to him by faith, as the only Redeemer and Saviour of their souls from sin and misery. Wherefore, in such doubtings, let not the afflicted trouble himself, nor call his conversion in question; but let him give all diligence to strengthen his faith, and to increase in holinesse, making his calling and election sure by well-doing: for, if he do this, he shall neither be found idle, nor unfruitfull in the knowledge of our Lord Iesus, as the Apostle promiseth, 2 Pet. 1. 8.