Self Employment in Secret, Part 3
NOTES FOR My Self.
KEep thy Heart with all Diligence; for out of it are the Issues of Life.
Death and Life are in the Power of the Tongue.
Entertain not a sensual Imagination for a Moment; and give not way to the least Glance of the Eye towards Vanity.
Be alwayes expecting some Trouble or other, to interrupt thy outward Peace and Rest.
Never expect any thing from the World; and when it offers thee any thing that is good for thee, receive it; but catch not at it greedily.
Be alwayes mindful what thou may'st do for thine own and others Salvation, in every Instant, upon every Occasion.
Dye daily.
In arguing with another, watch against every inordinate Heat of Passion, loud Speaking, and every rash Word.
If any neglect or slight thee, care not for it, yet observe it.
Any Matter of Tryal to thee, reckon among thy gains.
Take no delight of Sense, but in a manifest and direct Subserviency to Spiritual Ends; and use not that delight to irritate, but to allay Sensuality.
When a sensual Imagination or Passion breaks in, then excite a Tast of the Powers of the World to come; and delay not to recover the Divine Frame.
What thou doubtest, do not.
In thy Actions, consider not only what is lawful, but what is best in the present Circumstances; and do that.
In every Delight of Sense, watch against all Brutishness.
When thou art in Company, where the Talk is but vain, watch to put in a Word, that may be to Edification.
If any despise thee, do not bear a grudge against him for it. And be not offended with any, meerly because they do not honour thee.
When thou art framing Excuses, take heed of speaking an Untruth, or approaching near to it; lest in avoiding the Offence of Man, thou make too bold with God. Take heed of this also, when thou wouldst speak pleasingly, and avoid Offence in speaking.
Use no Recreation or Delight of Sense, but what thou canst at that very time desire of God, that it may be sanctified to spiritual Ends.
When thou hearest that another hath spoken any thing to thy Injury or Disparagement, beware of a Transport of Anger, that thou speak not harshly or unadvisedly against Him, or too passionately for Self, or as too much concerned for Self.
Uphold the Reputation of thy Colleague, or any that is joyned with thee in Service, as thou wouldst thine own.
Watch against all secret Pleasure, in the lessening of another for advancing thy self.
Pray heartily for the Success of thy Colleague and others, who perform the same Service that thou art ingaged in. And rejoyce in whatsoever good is done by them, as in what is done by thy self, and own it before Men.
Use not Animosity and Contention in any Matter, that may be brought to a good Issue in the way of Peace.
Engage not hastily as a Party in a Difference between others; but reserve thy self impartial, and uningaged, that thou mayest moderate between them.
Whil'st thou lamentest thy Weakness in some Cases, and seekest more Strength, be sure to use that greater Strength in all other Cases, whereunto thou hast attained; and be not remiss or forgetful in any Duty, that is more facil to thee: So shalt thou have Comfort in thy willing Mind, and honest Care, and do much towards the Attainment of that, which thou yet wantest, and reachest after.
In the Time of Prayer, let no Business divert thee from it, that is not of present Necessity.
When thou hast an Opportunity of speaking a Word for the Good of anothers Soul, defer not the doing of it till another time.
Watch against all bitter, and over-passionate Speeches against malignant Opposers of the Truth. For Meckness of Spirit and Behaviour, is more according to Christ, than wrathful Zeal.
Be not transported with Passion against those Conformists, who are more sober than many others; yet manifest too little Compassion to their suffering Brethren. For even in the Regenerate, there is a Remainder of the Spirit of Envy, Partiality, and Selfishness, and too much of Wrath, and Bitterness, and other Parts of the Serpentine Nature, though in a mortifyed Degree. And we are to yield Grains of Allowance, for the Temptations of Prejudice, Interest, &c. to which good Men, as well as others, are obnoxious.
In thy Zeal against the Sins of others, be mindful of thine own exceeding Sinfulness: Call to remembrance thy great Offences, which though they be unfeignedly repented of, give thee to understand what cause thou hast to be meek, and humble, and patient towards all Men.
Watch against the Motions of Pride and Hypocrisie, in the Presence of any Person, whose Favour and Opinion thou much esteemest. What is Man that thou shouldst pass to be judged by Man's Judgment, or seek Applause from Man!
Be not discomposed about some petty Absurdities of Behaviour, or little Indecorums, or Over-sights: For so to be, is Pusillanimity.
When thou hast conceived a dislike of any Person, his Wayes, or Actions, or dost ill resent his Carriage towards thee; take heed, thou do not take any secret Pleasure in the Fore-sight of Evil coming upon him; or in hearing or observing any such Folly of his, as tends to his Reproach or Ruin, or notable Dammage.
If thou hast fore-spoken the Calamity, or any Evil, that in Reason is like to befal one, who doth unadvisedly manage himself, and his Affairs, take heed of wishing or willing, that the Evil should come to pass, lest thy Judgment or Fore-sight should seem to be disparaged; yea, take heed of any Motion rising towards such a Wish or Will.
My own exceeding Faultiness ingages me in seeing and hearing the Faults and Follies of others, to pitty them, rather than to rejoyce or glory over them; and to cover or lessen those Faults, rather than to aggravate, or display them.
The Mercy and Forgiveness, that I have found and hope for at the Lord's Hand, ingages and disposes me to forgive Injuries and Abuses done to me. And I should not think it much, that I, who am so sinful, should bear some Contumelies, or Abuses from Men.
It is displeasing to me, to hear the Faults of others insisted on, whether they be Matters of Folly and Inconsiderateness, or of Perverseness and Malice; but especially if the Matter be not evident.
I find, that petty Dammages and Injuries are apt to be Vexatious, especially in a matter the Whole whereof is but Little; as in a litile Farm or Living. Wherefore, I endeavour, that I be not surprized with a troublesom Appearance, and consider the Moment of a thing, how light it is.
Abhor every Thought, Word, and Deed, which is contrary to Love, and tends to the Hurt of others.
The more Men wrong thee, the more watchfully maintain thy Love towards them.
After thy publick Ministrations in Prayer and Preaching, be not thoughtful or much concerned, how Men like thy Performance; but be concerned for this, how acceptable it is to God, and how effectual and successful to holy & saving Means.
If God single me out for special great Suffering, I have no reason to judge amiss of it: For such is the state of things in the World to come, that some Individuals must of necessity suffer for the good of the People. And, Why not I, as well as another? God is my Owner, and he may do with me, as with any other, even as he pleaseth; and he is my Father, and he will use me well, and make me sufficient Amends for all my Suffering; and I shall be no Loser, but an exceeding Gainer thereby in the End.
In this present State of Tryal, it is requisite that there be a sufficient Difficulty and Hardship, for all those that shall be saved, to grapple with.
For all our Boasts of Free-will, unless there were some heavy Weights of Sufferings cast by Providence into the Ballance, to poise against our Propensions to follow Lusts, and Pleasures, and Worldly Allurements, we should never seriously set our selves to the severe and selfdenying Duties, which belong to true Godliness.
To avoid Inconveniences to thy self, expose not any to Danger, whose Safety thou art bound to provide for.
In all Accusations, whether publick or private, when thou hast made a sufficient Defence, enter not into needless Matters for Ostentation, or such further Vindication, as is not necessary, if thou stand in a slippery Place; but lye at a close Guard, lest thou be entangled, or in some point circumvented.
I will never wittingly and wilfully do amiss, by Commission or Omission, in a greater or lesser Matter, because I shall too often do amiss, at least in smaller Matters, through Ignorance, or Inadvertency, or Surprizal of Passion, do what I can.
Watch every Opportunity to put in a savoury Word, for the good of a Soul, with whom thou hast occasion of Converse.
Remember thou hast nothing of thine own, but all is the Lords; and accordingly use all that thou hast to no Carnal Interest, but to serve Him, as being wholly devoted to Him.
Be as serious and hearty in thy Prayers to God for the Concerns of others, as for thine own.
Watch against Selfishness, lest it work unto great Uncharitableness.
When thou hast Evidences of thy Sincerity, which cannot in reason be gain-said, hold to them, and take Comfort in them; yet still endeavour by Reviews, and further Searchings, to clear it more and more.
We keep our Evidences, by keeping our Graces in their Lively Exercise.
Fetch thy Comforts from Heaven, and not from Pleasures or Hopes here below.
Do not overvalue any Worth that is in thy self; but think it rather less than more, than it is indeed.
If any slight thee, be neither dejected nor provoked.
Do not value Men according to their Esteem of thee, but according to their true Worth.
Watch against the Expectation of hearing thine own Praise; and when such a Thought arises, instantly suppress it.
When thou art commended, let not thy Thoughts dwell on it with Delight; but let it be to thee as nothing.
Take heed of too great a Valuation of thine own Work, or Usefulness in thy Place; and lay not too great a stress thereon.
When Friends out of Love over-value thee, it concerns thee not to over-value thy self; nor to take more than thy due, though they give it.
Have a Habit of Compassion towards the Afflicted, firmly fixed in thee, that the Motions thereof may be sutably stirred up on every Occasion.
Let an Abhorrence of any Content in anothers Sufferings, be deeply imprinted on thee; that every Thought thereof may be prevented, or instantly suppressed: Yea, hate all Disregard to anothers Misery.
Watch against all Eagerness, and immoderate Delight in Eating and Drinking; and against minding any kind of Food, for the pleasing of the Sense. Come to thy Meals not like a Bruit, but as becomes a Saint. Never terminate in the sensitive Pleasure, but make use of it to raise thy Heart to God.
When thou hast eaten so much, so that thou thinkest more is not expedient, or is better forborn than taken, proceed not to a Bit more, lest thou be intangled or disturbed.
Still consider, Is this Act, I go about, agreeable to one that hath Communion with God? Will this Act promote Communion with God? Do I come to this Act, so as to have Communion with God thereby promoted.
Seek the lawful Contentment of any that are about thee, as thou dost thy own; and be as glad to gratify them as thy self, so far as it is convenient for them. Hate and shun all Motions of unworthy Selfishness: And see, that others be sharers with thee in thy pleasant Things, and be not content to have them to thy self alone.
Be not over sollicitous, for humouring thy self in sensitive Suavities, but rather suspicious of it, and be abstemious from it.
Always mind and do the present Duty. Comply with the present Dispensation, and make the most of it. Thy business is to please God, and God will provide for thy Comfort.
Lay thy Heart to Rest in the Will of God. For there is no other Rest for the Soul, to be thought on.
I will not indent with God for any good, but what is included in the Covenant of Grace. I will expect no good but according to the Tenor of that Covenant, which is all my Salvation, and all my Desire.
I am resolved that Pride shall not set me to Study, or Preach, or Pray, or carry me on in any Service. If thoughts of Men-pleasing or Mans Applause, steal in with my honest intentions, I will instantly cast them out, as soon as they be discovered, and I will VVatch and Pray for the preventing of them. I will Watch, when I go forth in my service for God, that Pride do not send me forth: Mens Opinion of me shall be nothing with me, but the pleasing of God and the doing of good, shall be my whole scope.
In performing Prayer, I am intent upon God, and his Hearing, and observing my Thoughts and Words; and I earnestly purpose and strive against Thoughts about mens observing and judging of my Performance. Nevertheless, I do find that together with my sincere and earnest Intention directed to God, Thoughts of Regard to Mens Esteem, and Judging, will too often thrust in, do what I can, so as either to be pleased, or troubled, as I think they judge. These Thoughts have greatly troubled my Spirit. Hereupon I consider, That a due Regard to Expressions for Mens sake, that they be Affecting and not Offensive, is not faulty but necessary; and therefore must be heeded. And I think that my thoughts above mens judging have this intention at last chiefly, that my Expressions be Affecting, and not Offensive, yet I am jealous of the mixture of Corruption and Vanity. I earnestly indeavour to have my Heart so filled with the Apprehension of God's infinite Majesty, and my Infinite Concernment in him, that all Impertinent thoughts may be quite swallowed up. All designing and indeavouring to please men for my own praise I do at that very time detest and abandon, yea at that very time I am sure I do very little regard either the Approbation and praise, or the disallowance and dispraise of those very Persons, about whom my thoughts are apt to run out, as aforesaid. I do my uttermost to prevent, restrain, and suppress all such thoughts, they are a burden to me. There is scarce any thing that stirs within me, which hath less of my Will, than these thoughts have. There is scarce any thing, against which I do more watch and pray and strive, than against these thoughts. And whatsoever tincture of Vanity and Corruption be found in them, I am Heartily sorry for it, I hate and loath it, and I hope that the merciful God will not Impute it to me, to the rejecting of my Prayer or to any breach between him and me.
I find that my very fear of this Evil, and desire to avoid it, doth draw my thoughts to it, as a mans great desire to sleep, and his fear that he shall not sleep doth commonly keep him waking.
These thoughts I abhor, not only before and after, but in the very time they come in. And I strive with might and main against them. If God approve my Service and own me in it, I shall be abundantly satisfied, though men (what soever or how-many soever they be) should despise and loath it. On the contrary, If men should never so highly approve it, I can never be satisfied, if God do not accept and bless it. This I am sure of, if I be sure of any thing.
I discern that by care I have brought it to that pass, that my thoughts of others present with me in prayer are not with regard to their praise… which I value not, but to what is fit to be done by me in that service, and to their being affected with it.
I find I am prone to be anxiously scrupulous: yet I should consider that there be insuitable weaknesses (as Impertinent thoughts) accompanying the best Performances.
FINIS.
His WRITINGS Published are:
1. HIs History of Col. Massy's Military-Actions at and near Glocester.
2. The Interest of England, 1st and 2d Part.
3. A Discourse of the Religion of England, asserting, That Reformed Christianity, setled in its due Latitude, is the Stability and Advancement of this Kingdom: In two Parts.
4. The Kingdom of God among Men: With a Discourse of Schism: and an Account of himself about Conformity,
Books Printed for Thomas Parkhurst.
THe Art of Divine Meditation by Edmund Calamy late of Aldermanbury, London.
Mr. Thomas Wadsworth's Remains, with Remarkables of his Holy Life and Death.
There is Printing a Discourse of Mr. Nathaniel Vincent, of Self-Examination, and Meditations on the Sacrament.
One Hundred Select Sermons of Thomas Horton, late of St. Hellens, London.
A Discourse of Actual Providence, by John Collings, D. D.
An Exposition on the Six First Chapters of the Revelations, by Charles Phelps.
Sermons of Grace and Temptation, by Thomas Froysel.
Ark of the Covenant by George Gelaspy.
A New-Years-Gift, by Thomas Lamb.
Christ Display'd, by Nathaniel Heywood.
Heaven or Hell, in a Good or Bad Conscience, by Nathaniel Vincent.
Incomparable Excellencies of God, in his Attributes and Word, by George Swinnock.
Glimpse of Eternity, by Abram Coley.
An Exposition on the Assemblies Catechism, by Thomas Doolitle.
Another Exposition by Thomas Lye.
Another by Thomas Vincent.
Morning-Exercise against Popery, by sundry Ministers of the Gospel.
Four useful Discourses by Je… Burrough, Published by Matthe… Mead.
Present State of New - England.
Husband-man's Companion, it divers suitable Meditations, by Edward Bury.
Revival of Grace, by Henry Hurst.
Shepherdy Spiritualized, by John Wood.
Antidote against the Fear of Death, by Edward Bury.
End of the text · John Corbet, Self Employment in Secret (1681)