The Honor Due from Children, Chapter 4
CHAP. IV. Of Honour of Reverence due from children to Parents.
WE have handled that firſt branch of Honour of Parents, in a direct way, we now proceed to the ſecond, which is the Honour of Reverence: for ſo Honour is taken, as we ſhewed in the 1. Chapter. Obſerve then as a ſecond branch of the generall point, that,
Children are to Honour their Parents with the Honour of Reverence, Levit. 19. 3. Ye ſhall fear Honour of Reverence due to Parents.every man his Mother and every man his Father, Heb. 12. 9. the Fathers of our fleſh, which corrected us, and we gave them due reverence. For the better handling of this part of Childrens duty, we ſhall firſt ſhew wherein this Reverence of Parents conſiſteth and is expreſſed, and 2. Make uſe of it.
Touching the firſt we ſay: this Reverence due to Parents, is either outward or inward.
1. Then outward Reverence is due from children 1. Outward, asto Parents: and ſo, 1. Children are to riſe up and to ſtand bare before their Parents, when they come to them, or ſpeak to them: for if of Fathers in age, God ſaith, Riſe up before the hoary head, and Honour the face of the old man, Levit. 19. 31. [Riſing to Parents,] he ſurely requireth it of children to their own Parents: Henre the excuſe of Rachel, though a married woman, from unavoidable neceſſity, as reaſon why ſhe roſe not up to her Father Laban, Gen. 31. 35. And Rachel ſaid to her Father, Let it not diſpleaſe my Lord, that I cannot riſe up before thee, for the cuſtome of women is upon me; it muſt be ſome avoidable neceſſity that muſt be a juſt reaſon that children riſe not up before their Parents, elſe Parents have juſt reaſon to be diſpleaſed, when Achsah daughter to Caleb, is to requeſt a thing of her Father, ſhe keepeth not her poſture of ſitting, in which ſhe was before, but lighteth off the beaſt ſhe rode upon, and then ſpeaketh her mind to her Father, Judg. 1. 13, 14, 15. It ſtands not with Parents Honour, for children to ſit and ſpeak, but rather they ſhould ſtand up when they ſpeak to Parents.
2. If Parents be comming towards children, they 2. To meet parents comming.are to prevent them, and meet them, 1 Kings 2. 19. Bathſheba went to Salomon, to ſpeak for Adonijah, and the King roſe up to meet her.
3. They are to bow to them, ſo Salomon, 1 Kings 3. To bow to them.2. 19. he bowed himſelf to his Mother, So Joſeph, Gen. 48. 12. and Joſeph brought them out from between his Fathers knees, and he bowed himſelf with his face to the earth. So Moſes to his Father-in-Law did obey ſance: and all theſe their Sons, were great men, yet not too great or high to ſtoop in way of Honour of Reverence to Parents.
4. They muſt ſpeak Reverently both to their 4. To ſpeak to them and of them reverently.Parents, and of them to others. To them: thence thoſe titles of Honour expreſſed in childrens ſpeeches to Parents: as in Rachels to Laban, Gen. 31. 35. let not my Lord be diſpleaſed: So in Iſaac's to Abraham, Gen. 22. 7. my Father, &c. So in Davids to Saul, 1 Sam. 24. 11. moreover ſee my Father, &c. And cap. 26. 28. wherefore doth my Lord thus purſue after his Servant? &c. So in ſpeaking of them, Prov. 31. 28. her children riſe up, aad call her bleſſed.5. To attend duly to their counſells.
5. They are to attend reverently to their counſels, or inſtructions, Prov. 4. 1. hear ye children he inſtruction of a Father, and attend to know underſtanding, and verſ. 20. My Son, attend to my words.
6. They muſt meekly and humbly ſubject 6. To ſubject to their Corrections.themſelves to their ſeaſonable corrections, Heb. …2. 9. if Fathers of our fleſh correcting us, we gave them reverence, ſhall we not much rather be in ſubjection to the Father of Spirits (correcting of us) and live?
7. To expreſs filial ſhame and bluſhing to Parents, 7. To bluſh and be aſhamed of faults.upon occaſion of faults and ſins againſt them, eſpecially when Parents deal with children for the ſame: the Greek word in Heb. 12. 9. we gave them reverence, it is foreign, which properly ſignifies, we turned away our face, by reaſon of ſhame. Numb. 22. 14. if her Father had ſpit in her face, ſhould ſhe not be aſhamed? Hitherto belong humble confeſſions to Parents, with ſhame and bluſhing of unworthy acts of children againſt them eſpecially. Like the Prodigall in the parable, who, Luke 15. 21. ſaith to his Father, Father, I have ſinned againſt heaven, and in thy ſight, and am no more worthy to be call'd thy Son: in this ſenſe is the Greek word foreign uſed, Company not with them that they may be aſhamed, even outwardly alſo confeſs, and take holy ſhame for their ſcandals: So Tit. 2. 8. that he that is of the contrary part may be aſhamed, having no evill thing to ſay of you.
2. Inward Reverence is due from Children to Or inward. as inwardly to fear.Parents, Levit. 19. 3. ye ſhall fear every one his Mother and his Father; and ſo Children
1. They are inwardly to own the very perſons 1. Their perſons.and parentall relations, and Authority of their Parents: ye ſhall fear every man his Mother and Father, (that is) their very perſons, relations and Authority.
2. They are inwardly to awe the command… 2. Their words.reproofs, threats and corrections of Parents: thi… is filial and not ſlaviſh fear, Jer. 35. 6. Jonadab's poſterity, even when tempted to do otherwiſe, yet the awe of his commands, made them not to dare to tranſgreſs them.
3. They are inwardly to fear to loſe parents favour, 3. To loſe their favour.or to incur their juſt diſpleaſure, by giving them any juſt offence, as Jacob, Gen. …7. 12. My Father peradventure will feel me, and I ſhall ſeem to him as a deceiver, and I ſhall bring a curſe upon me and not a bleſſing.
4. They are to fear to croſs any weighty intents, 4. To croſs their juſt intents.purpoſes, or deſires of parents, eſpecially when in ſacred matters: ſo Jephtah his daughter, Judg. 11. 36. and ſhe ſaid, My Father, if thou haſt opened thy mouth unto the Lord, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth.
5. They are to fear that trouble or heart-grief 5. To grieve them.ſhould be occaſioned to parents, if they can prevent it. So Saul, 1 Sam. 9. 5. Come, let us return, leſt my Father leave caring for the Aſſes, and take thought for us. So Judah, Gen. 44. 34. how ſhall I go to my Father, and the Lad be not with me, leſt peradventure I ſee the evill that ſhall come upon my Father.
6. They are to fear to fall ſhort of their bleſſing, 6. To fall ſhort of their bleſſing.and benefit of parents prayers, and of their godly parentall wiſhes and Counſels; hence when Joſeph heard that his Father Jacob was ſo ſick, he made ſuch haſte to him, carrying his ſons with him, that he and they might not miſs of Jacobs bleſſing: even rude Eſau was amazed, when he heard that his Father had bleſſed his brother inſtead of him, Gen. 27. 34. hence that bitter cry, Bleſs me, even me alſo O my Father.
7. They are alſo to be inwardly, as well as outwardly 7. To be inwardly alſo aſhamed of faults before them.aſhamed, that parents have juſt cauſe of diſtaſte againſt them at any time; ſo giving reverence to parents, Heb. 12. 9. may according to the Greek word uſed there, be rendered, being aſhamed before them; hence the derivative from that verb is uſed, 1 Cor. 6. 5. and 15. 34. to ſignifie ſhame inward and outward; as there, I ſpeak this to your ſhame; even of heart alſo. So here the Awfull childe, like that prodigall, occaſioning juſt diſtaſte in his Father againſt him, he is inwardly aſhamed of it, and therefore confeſſeth his ſin againſt his Father, and unworthineſs to be called his Son. All which is clearly ſeen in the preſidentiall filial fear of Gods children to their heavenly Father: they inwardly fear his Fatherhood and Fatherly Authority, his commands, reproofs, threats, and corrections, the loſs of his favour and incurring of his diſpleaſure, by their offending of him at any time: they are affraid to croſs his mind in any thing, or to grieve his Spirit themſelves, or that it ſhould be grieved by others, they are affraid to fall ſhort of his Fatherly bleſſing, and are inwardly aſhamed, and even confounded that at any time they offend, diſpleaſe, grieve, or provoke him.
The uſe of this branch of the point ſerveth, Uſe 1. For reproof 1. Of childrens irreverence.1. For Reproof, 1. Of Children, for all that rudeneſs, and irreverence of yours towards your parents, as if you had forgotten that you were children: or as if principles of piety, yea of morality, were extinct in you; And this alas how common an evill is it in children, even of profeſſours? how rudely do they ſit before their parents, and how irreverently do they carry it, in their geſtures before them? how loud will too many be gabling laughing and flouting, even in their parents preſence? how forward are they to prevent or interrupt their parents in ſpeaking, or to anſwer them again if rebuked by them? whereas thoſe in Job▪ time, even Princes and Nobles, refrained talking▪ in his preſence, or whil'ſt he as a civill Father of the ſtate was ſpeaking, Job 29. 9, 10. and verſ. 22. after his words they ſpake not again. Elihu, when in the preſence of Fathers to him in Age, is affraid to ſpeak, much more to interrupt them whil'ſt ſpeaking, Job 32. 4, 6, 7. And dare children word it ſo before their parents? Again, how over-familiar do too many children make themſelves with their parents? as if hail-fellow well met (as they ſay) and no difference twixt parent and child; yea too many there are, who carry it proudly, diſdainfully and ſcornfully towards parents, and its well if their very parents eſcape their flouts; but what the end of ſuch graceleſs children will be, we have ſhewed from Prov. 30. 17. Again, how are many children ready to chop it with their parents, and (as we ſay) to chop logick with them? it may be ſo daring are they as to bid their very parents hold their tongue, as ſome profaner ones have done; or how ever, if not going ſo high, yet giving to parents very croſs, curt, and curſt anſwers. As Jacobs ſons did ſometimes to him, Gen. 34. 31. ſhould he deal with our ſiſter, as with an Harlot? like the elder ſon in the Parable, who even chideth, and checketh his Father, for entertaining his younger brother better then him, Luke 15. 29. Again how frowardly and diſcontentedly do many children carry it to their Parents no diet, no clothing, no lodging and the like, which parents can provide for them, will content them, but as if parents were beholding to them, or that they had wronged their children, and muſt ſeek to pleaſe them, if they knew how. Like the Elder ſon in the Parable, which findeth fault with his uſage by his Father, as ſo much below his ſerviceableneſs to him. And are there not too many children, who are ready to mutter and grumble at their parents counſels, commands, juſt threats, rebukes, or corrections? yea will not ſome plainly conteſt and contend with their parents? as Rebecka's daughters-in-Law; who by ſuch like unreverent carriages made her even weary of her life, Gen. 26. 35. with 27. 46. they were a grief of mind foreign the ſeptnagint renders it foreign, ſuch as did contend, or were contentious, or rebellious; how little alſo do too many children dread their parents commands, counſels, prohibitions, reproofs, or corrections? how little do they fear the loſs of their favour or bleſſing, or the incurring of their juſt diſpleaſure or curſe? how little care they whether they be contented and comforted in them, and in what they ſay or do, or otherwiſe be troubled and diſcouraged? and in all how ſhameleſs are they? but all ſuch as you are do proclame to all the world, that there is no fear of God before your eyes, as it is evident in Cain, Hophni, and Phinebas, and other ſuch graceleſs children, whoſe juſt doome will be, to be as Cain, and as is threatned to graceleſs perſons, that they ſhall be in fear, where no fear, or cauſe of fear, is, Pſal. 53. 5. ſhall flee, when none purſueth them, Prov. 28. 1. and for the want of this due fear of parents, if you repent not, eternall dread and horrour will be your portion in another world.
2. It ſerveth to reprove parents, who any way 2. Of Parents undermining this their Honour—1. By contemptible carriages.undermine this filial awe and Reverence which your children owe unto you: and that,
1. By carrying it any way contemptibly, and unbeſeeming your ſelves in your childrens ſight; as did Noah, firſt by being drunk, and then by uncovering his nakedneſs, within view of others: this gave occaſion to Chams unreverent ſpeeches of him unto his brethren, Gen. 9. 21, 22, 23. Cham ſaw the nakedneſs of his Father, in his tent, and went and told his brethren without; when parents are frothy, ſlighty, fooliſh, or any way ridiculous in their geſtures, ſpeeches, or actions, before their children, this breedeth, or feedeth contempt and irreverence in their children. Look as the very conceit of unſeemly behaviour in David, that Father of the ſtate, made Michol deſpiſe him her heart, and ſpeak unreverently of him with her lips, 2 Sam. 6. 16, 20, 21. How glorious (ſaith ſhe ſcoffingly) was the King of Iſrael to day, who uncovered himſelf to day, in the eyes of the hand-maids of his ſervants, as one of the vain fellows ſhameleſſely uncovereth himſelf! the like will any reall diſcovery, of morall, or ſpirituall nakedneſs before the Family, become an occaſion to children and ſervants to deſpiſe the Father of the Family.
2. By being too fond of your children, or too familiar 2. By overmuch fondneſs and familiarity.with them at ſometimes at leaſt, & not keeping conſtantly your due diſtance; ſuch fondneſs and familiarity breeds and cauſeth contempt & irreverence in children. Good Abraham was ſomewhat too fond of Iſhmael, as appeareth by his overlooking the promiſe of Iſaac, and going on to urge God, that Iſhmael might live in his ſight. Iſaac was too fond of Eſau, when he loved him ſo for his veniſon, Gen. 25. 28. David was too fond of his Abſolom, that when he was juſtly baniſhed for his wilfull fratricide, and deſerved death rather for it, yet Davids ſoul longed (or was in a waſting plight, as it is in the Hebrew) to go forth unto Abſolom, 2 Sam. 13. 39. but what unreverent children all theſe proved to their Parents, their ſtories ſhew.
3. By complying too much with any vain motions 3. By ſinfull compliance with children.of your children: this was a ſin in the Mother of James and John, who had ſo ambitious a motion to make to Chriſt, Mark. 10. 35. that ſhe would move it for them, Matth. 20. 20, 21. ſhe commeth deſiring that her two Sons may ſit, one at his right hand, the other at his left hand, in his kingdome. David would never croſs Adonijah in his deſires or doings, he never diſpleaſed him at any time, in ſaying, why haſt thou done ſo? 1 Kings 1. 6 but Adonijah careth not to croſs his Father in his mind, of one to ſucceed him in his throne, even Solomon, and yet Adonijah knew well enough, it had been publickly, and ſufficiently declared formerly, as in 1 Chron. 23. 1. and 28. 5. yet 1 Kings 1. 5. he exalteth himſelf and ſaith, I will be King, and verſ. 7. he conferreth with Joab and Abiathar about it for their help therein.
4. By reproachfull and reviling ſpeeches to 4. By rayling upon children.your children, in raſhneſs of anger and fury, or by any other uncivill, or unſeemly expreſſions of rage againſt them, as flinging things at them, which might indanger life or limb, or the like; this provoked Jonathan to ſay and do ſomewhat ſavouring of unreverence to a Parent, 1 Sam. 20. 30. thou ſon of the perverſe and rebellious woman (ſaith Saul his Father to him) and v. 33. he caſt a Javeling at him; and v. 34. Jonathan aroſe from the Table in fierce anger; ſome unwiſe Parents, at ſome times will be over-familiar with their children, and at other times as much too harſh and fiery againſt them, and by ſuch an unequall carriage, come to be ſlighted by them.
The ſecond uſe ſerveth for exhortation, and 2. Uſe for exhortation. 1. To children to Reverence Parents.that 1. To children:
Do you then ſtrive, what in you lyeth, to give this Honour of Reverence, both outward and inward, which is due to your Parents. And for this end conſider, 1. Of ſome Motives. 2. Two or three helps.
Motives. 1. It will breed and feed in you due Motives to it. 1. It furthereth reverence to other ſuperiours.Reverence to all other ſuperiours; hence in the fifth Commandement, Honour of Parents, and therein Honour of Reverence of them, is put for the like Honour of Magiſtrates, Miniſters, and Maſters, from their ſubjects, people, and ſervants; if the one be in perſons in truth in the former relation, it will be in them in the latter.
2. It wil be a notable means to prevent many other 2. It preventeth other ſins.ſins of yours, which would be diſhonourable to parents. Moſes having rehearſed many abominable practices of the Canaanites in Levit. 18. and in the laſt verſe ſaid, ye ſhall not commit any of thoſe abominable cuſtomes, Chap. 19. 3. he chargeth them to fear every man his Mother and his Father; and verſ. 4. alſo adjoyneth, that they ſhould not turn to Idols, &c. or apoſtatiſe from God and his worſhip: Surely then that Reverence unto Parents, is inſerted as a help, both againſt the former, and againſt the later evils and ſcandals; and wofull experience evinceth this, that where this hedge of childrens Reverence and awe to Parents is broken down, there is a free inlet of vileſt and moſt ſcandalous 3. The power of Parents to bleſs, or curſe children.courſes.
3. There is in your Parents ſome paternall power, if juſtly uſed, to bleſs and to curſe you, Gen. 49. is a record of Jacobs bleſſing of his Sons; and in an ordinary way, there is a proportion thereof in other Parents, and therefore the rather Awe your Parents.
Helps this way may be ſuch as theſe.Helps to it. 1. Awe of God.
1. Labour for a filial awe of God, as your Father, and ſo of his Fatherly commands, and conſequently of this his command, as his command, and of his diſpleaſure againſt you, if it be not attended and obſerved.
2. Labour you for more holineſs of heart. It 2. Holineſs.is profaneſs of heart God-ward, which breedeth and feedeth irreverence to Parents; and ſo contrariwiſe, the more holy God-ward, the more awfull of Parents. Levit. 19. 2. be ye holy for I am holy, and verſ. 3. yea ſhall fear every one his Mother, &c.
3. Preſent your Parents ſo to your minds, as 3. Eye the Image of God in Parentsbearing the Image of Gods Father-hood, and that alſo will help on your filiall awe and Reverence to them.
2. It ſerveth for exhortation to Parents, to carry 2. Exhortation to Parents, to further filial Reverence in their children. 1. By your piety.it ſo as may gain Reverence and awe from your children; for which end.
1. Carry it very piouſly in your places, for that will gain awe in your inferiours, children or others. Job 29. 7. when I prepared my ſeat in the ſtreet (ſaith holy Job) the young men ſaw me and hid themſelves, verſ. 8. let but any other Godly man come ſuddainly where rude perſons are met, how doth the very ſight of him, oftentimes appale them? as experience witneſſeth; the Image of Gods holineſs in any is venerable.
2. Seaſon your children betime with principles 2. By right principling of them.of religion, of their duty to God, to Parents, to others; ſo did Eve her Seth, and Seth his Cainan, and Cainan his Mahaleel, &c. and all of them proved well to God and man-ward.
3. Bring them oft to Gods aweful and awing 3. By inuring them to holy Aſſemblies.Aſſemblies, where they will hear and learn Reverence to God or men. Deut. 31. 12. gather men, women and children, that they may hear, and learn, and fear the Lord thy God, and obſerve to do all the words of this Law: even this of the fifth Commandement alſo. Honour Father and Mother with the Honour of Reverence.
4 Correct them wiſely and ſeaſonably, as for 4. By correcting irreverence in them.other ſins, ſo for thoſe which ſavour of irreverence to Parents; this by the Lords bleſſing will help on filial Reverence; hence thoſe two joyned, Heb. 12. 9. we had Fathers of our fleſh, who corrected us, and we did them Reverence; there is a great deal of folly, and ſo a bundle of irreverence alſo, in a childs heart naturally, but God ſaith, the rod of correction ſhall drive it far from him, Prov. 22.
5. Acquaint your Children ever and anon 5. By minding children oft of Gods judgements.with Gods more awing and dreadfull providences, eſpecially reſpecting Children, which gave not their Parents reverence, as of Cham, Abſolom, and others. The puniſhment of a ſtubborn Son, by mans hand, muſt be ſo as all Iſrael may hear and fear, Deut. 21. 21. So let all our Children hear of Gods hand this way, that they may fear the ſins of diſhonour of Parents.
6. Inure them to awfull ſubjection and obeyſance 6. By inuring them to filiall ſubjection.to you as Parents, betimes; early practiſing of filial Reverence, will ſtrengthen and ſtabliſh a very habit of it; hence the requiſit in Church officers, or elders and deacons, 1 Tim. 3. 4. 12. having their children in ſubjection with gravity or honeſty; they muſt ſee they be inur'd to reverence, and ſeemly carriages towards them, and before them, and then others that come to their houſes will find this, to the Elders Honour.