A Sovereign Antidote Against the Fear of Death, Tract · Meditation 4
MEDITAT. IV. The Fear of Death is unſuitable to a Believer.
O My Soul, why art thou yet diſquieted within me? why art thou caſt down? why doſt thou meditate terror; and all this when thou lookeſt Death in the face? Is this amazement ſuitable for a Chriſtian Souldier? is this the fruit of all thy Preaching, Praying, Reading, Meditating, and thy other duties? is this the reſult of all the pains thou haſt taken in Heavens way? Nay, hath God ſet thee to ſtrengthen others againſt the fear of Death, to ſupport the feeble hands, and drooping hearts, and art thou thy ſelf ready to faint under the burden? why man rouſe up thy ſelf a little; didſt never ſee death before, that thou trembleſt at the apprehenſion? art thou fit to be a Captain of the Lords Hoſt, that art ready to fly at a ſhadow? If the Shepherd be terrified, well may the Sheep be affrighted; if the apprehenſion of Death be ſo amazing, what will the feeling of it be? well mayeſt thou ſay with Nehemiah, Shall ſuch a man as I flee? Neh. 6.11.Is not death bitter enough, but thou muſt make it bitterer? and doſt faint before thou feel the burden? where is thy wonted courage? where are now thy arguments where with thou waſt wont to blunt the Dart of Death, and to uphold ſinking Souls under the ſtroak of Death? Death hath been often in thy eye, in thy thoughts, in thy Meditations, and then it was not ſo terrible, and now with Agag thou thoughteſt the bitterneſs of Death was paſt, and upon a new Apprehenſion o… it doth it ſeem ſo formidable? Call to mind thy former reſolutions to ſuffer for Chriſt, yea thy Covenant engagement to him, wherein thou devotedſt thy ſell and that thine was to him, and at his diſpoſe and doſt now repent of thy repentings: death is not ſo great an Enemy as tho… ſuppoſeſt, nor ſo terrible as he ſeems; pluc… off his vizor and look him in the face and he will appear both thy Friend and thy Phyſician, to cure thee of all thy maladies: thou haſt not now a day free from ſin and ſorrow; for where the on… is the other will be alſo, as the ſhadow will follow the ſubſtance, or rather as the effect follows the cauſe; neither art thou like to have, till death ſets thee at liberty: thou art now a ſlave or ſervant, but the year of Jubilee is coming, when thou wilt be free: Job 3.17, 18, 19.There the wicked ceaſe from troubling, and there the weary be at reſt; there the Priſoners reſt together, and they hear not the voice of the Oppreſſor; the ſmall and the great are there, and the Servant is free from his Maſter: Death is ſent by God as Moſes into Egypt, to bring thee out of Egyptian bondage to the promiſed Land; and what if thy bondage like theirs be a little encreaſed at the preſent, wilt thou murmur like them, when thy deliverance is in ſight? though thou muſt through the red Sea, the way is ſafe if God go before thee; and if the way be dark, he will be a Pillar of fire to give thee light; thou needeſt not fear loſing thy way that haſt ſuch a guide: Here thou canſt not ſerve God but the Egyptians are ready to ſtone thee, but get but over this bridge of Death, over this Jordan, and thou maiſt ſerve him without diſtraction or diſturbance: here thou canſt hardly have a ſight of God, but Death will bring thee to ſpeak with him face to face, to know him as he is, and to enjoy him as thy own. In this Wilderneſs thou meeteſt with many troubles, many wants, ſometimes of meat, ſometimes of drink, ſometimes of cloaths and other neceſſaries, but in Heaven there is no want, no need of creature-comforts; for what need the Pipe when we are at the Fountain-head? here are many troubles, many enemies, fiery Serpents, but when over this Jordan theſe troubles vaniſh, all thy fears huſht, and thy ſelf out of the reach of danger; the Devil nor his inſtruments cannot purſue thee beyond Death; here is thy promiſed Land, thy purchaſed Inheritance, thy Manſionhouſe, and can Death that puts thee in poſſeſſion be lookt upon as thy Enemy? The thoughts of Death are many times worſe than Death it ſelf; as the Picture of the Lyon ſeems fiercer than the Lyon himſelf; Heb. 2.15.but Chriſt died to free thoſe that through the fear of Death were all their life time ſubject to bondage. Oh the precious hours that ſhould be ſpent in ſolacing thy ſelf with the thoughts of God, and the forethoughts of Glory, and taking a Piſgah ſight of the Heavenly Canaan! which now are fruitleſly ſpent between hopes and fears, of our Journey thither: not but that preparation ſhould be made, but no deſponding fears ſhould diſcompoſe thee for the Journey. The thoughts of Eternal bliſs and the weight of Glory that is before thee, ſhould divert thy mind from all the pains and ſorrows thou meeteſt with in thy journey thither; as the hopes of the prize makes him that runs the race overlook the foulneſs or roughneſs of the way, and the hopes of a reward makes the Souldier hew his way through the thickeſt of his enemies. That time which now is ſpent in ſorrowful thoughts how thou ſhouldeſt part with the world and endure the pangs of death, would be better ſpent in trimming up thy Lamp, getting Oyl in thy Veſſel, and adorning thy ſelf with thy Wedding garment, and in praiſing God that thinks thee worthy to ſuffer for him, and in conſideration that after a little pain thou ſhalt enter into thy maſters Joy, where there ſhall be no more pain; and that this light affliction which is but for a moment, worketh for thee a far more exceeding and eternal weight of Glory. 2 Cor. 4.17.Is this thy living by faith that thou talkeſt of? What can a coveteous worlding do more, that hath his portion in this life, than fear the time that he ſhall loſe it? what can the voluptuous Epicure do more, that at death ſhall ſee an end of all his pleaſure? Is this thy living by Faith? is this the fruit of thy hope, and the evidences of thy love to God, and the other graces of the Spirit? Doth vain glory ſteel the Spirit of our Hectors, that look death in the face undauntedly, only in hopes of Honour, and a ſurviveing Name? do the Mahometans venture their lives, upon conceipt that thoſe that dye in the wars ſhall undoubtedly go to Heaven, and there for ever have their will with beautiful women, and all other ſenſual delights; and will not the Enjoyment of God in glory work thee to a willingneſs to ſuffer what he would have thee ſuffer? Is this thy profeſſed obedience, when thou ſtarteſt at hard and difficult dutyes, and only ſcummeſt off the fat and ſweet of duty, and leaveſt ſelf-denying dutyes undone? what doſt thou in this more than an Hypocrite, or a carnal man can do? The Phariſees could faſt, Mat. 6.1, 2.and pray, and give Alms, and what doſt thou more? The Apoſtle tells believers, that to them it is given not only to believe on Chriſt, Phil. 1.29.but to ſuffer for his ſake; and how wilt thou prove thy ſelf a Believer, if thou refuſe to ſuffer? Wouldſt thou receive a Souldiers wages, and not do his work? wilt thou liſt thy ſelf, and indent with thy Captain that thou wilt not fight? are all thy graces counterfeit? if not, why are they not reduced into act? will the Sword in the ſcabbard ſecure thee? why doſt not finiſh thy courſe with joy, that a Crown of life may be laid up for thee? muſt God ſave thee whether thou wilt or no, and pluck thee hence by violence to receive thy Reward; or if he will not, he may keep Heaven to himſelf for thee? Doth thy faith and thy other graces now ſtand thee in no ſtead? haſt thou no Oyl when the Bridegroom comes? or if thou haſt, doſt thou refuſe to enter? to what end then ſerves thy Lamp? what mattereth it for a Wedding-garment, if when thou art invited to the Feaſt thou refuſeſt to come? Haſt thou no Armour on when thou art cal'd to fight, and thy enemy is in the field? or wilt thou cowardly turn thy back and fly, or ſuffer thy ſelf to be captivated and inſlaved? haſt thou no Armour to defend thy heart? is no Cordial to keep thee from fainting, to be found in God? no promiſe in his Word, which may be a foundation of comfort? what then is the difference between thee and the Epicure? nay, his condition is much better, he hath ſomething that he calls Pleaſure to ſolace himſelf with. Are theſe anxious thoughts and fears ſuitable to a Chriſtian, to a Miniſter, to one that hath made Forty years profeſſion of Religion? haſt thou in all this time made no increaſe of thy Grace, no improvement of thy Talent? haſt not yet learnt ſelf-denyall, which is the firſt leſſon in the School of Chriſt, and is it not yet taken out? haſt not yet attained the loweſt meaſure of true grace? to hate Father and Mother, Wife and Children, and thy own Life for him, without which thou canſt not be his diſciple? Is it ſuitable for a child of God to turn his back upon his Father when he calls him, and like guilty Adam hide himſelf? is it ſuitable for the Spouſe of Chriſt to deny to come when her Husband ſends for her? Art thou yet unreſolved whether Chriſt or Life be the ſweeter, whether Heaven or Earth be the better, or whether the Creature or the Creator be to be choſen? If ſo, never call thy ſelf a Chriſtian more, never diſhonour Chriſt more by thy profeſſion. Was ever Heir afraid of receiving his Inheritance? yet this is thy condition; thou rather chooſeſt a miſerable life, attended with eares and fears, with griefs and ſorrows, rather than to dye and come to Chriſt. Thou haſt devoted thy ſelf to him as a Spouſe to her husband, and haſt formerly gloried in thy choice, and art now afraid of the time when the marriage ſhall be conſummate, and thou ſhalt be lodg'd in his boſom? if ſo, 'tis no wonder if he give thee a bill of Divorce, and put thee away, and what Condition art thou then in? where wilt thou find ſuch another Match? nay, there is no other in Heaven or Earth that can boot thy needs, pay thy debts and ſave thy ſoul; the Angels themſelves cannot do it. Eſth. 1.10, &c.If Vaſti the Queen were put away for refuſing to come at her Husbands call, much more doſt thou deſerve a Divorce if thou refuſe to come at Chriſts call. If thou go to him, thou leaveſt a vain, ſinful, miſerable and treacherous world, which hath laid many a ſnare in thy way, and more will do if thou live in it longer, and doſt grieve at parting, and put it upon the debate whether it be beſt to go or no? and art ready to paſs ſentence in the Negative? art afraid of being put above all fear and dread? and wilt not go to Heaven becauſe the way is not ſtrewed with roſes, or becauſe 'tis a little up the hill? thou haſt but one ſtile to thy Fathers houſe; if thy Breakfaſt be bad, thy Dinner will make amends: Are the ſuares which the Devil, the world and the fleſh have laid for thee, ſo ſtrong, and thy Faith ſo weak, that thou art now leaving God, and chooſing ſomething elſe for thy portion; and that thou art detained in this Harlots arms, when thine own husband calls thee? Art thou willing to loſe all the pains thou haſt taken in Heavens way, rather than go one ſtep more? haſt aſcended all the ſteps of Jacobs ladder but one, till thy head be in Heaven, and art now returning down again, becauſe 'tis a little more difficult than the reſt? wilt thou now take up with theſe things for thy portion, and art buſily ſeeking after content in them, in which thou couldſt never find ſatisfaction in thy life? haſt exerciſed ſo much ſelf-denial for Chriſt, haſt thou forſaken Father and Mother, Wife and Children, Brothers and Siſters, yea thy Eſtate in the world, and expoſed thy ſelf to want and penury, to labour and travel, to ſcoffs and ſcorns, yea to perſecutions and trials, and now wilt break with Chriſt for a trifle, and loſe the reward of what thou haſt done? wilt thou now prefer thy life before him that is Life it ſelf? haſt thou bid ſo much for Chriſt, and now doſt ſtick at the price? if thou now forſake him, all is loſt that thou haſt paid. But what cauſe hath God given to forſake him? hath he ever failed of his word? hath he impoſed upon thee, or foiſted in any condition in the Covenant that was not mutually agreed upon? if not, what makes thee boggle at it? if Religion were not good, why didſt thou profeſs it? if it be, why doſt leave it? if Heaven be not worth what thou muſt pay for it, why didſt not conſider of it before? and if it be, why doſt ſtick at the rates? or doſt thou think that God will amend thy bargain, and let thee have it at Cheaper rates? If theſe be thy thoughts, thou art much miſtaken; Mat. 13.45.if thou wilt have the Pearl, thou muſt ſell all to purchaſe it; 'tis thy ſelf and all thou haſt that is the price he ſets upon Chriſt, and Heaven, and Glory: If thou think him not worth it, thou maiſt let him alone, and no harm done; but aſſure thy ſelf, there is no indenting with Chriſt; This I will do, and that I will not; this ſin I will leave, but not that: thou muſt not, like Naaman the Aſſyrian, expect a toleration in any ſin, or in the neglect of any duty. Well, whatever thy thoughts be, God will not abate one farthing; Gal. 6.7.8.If thou ſoweſt to the fleſh, thou wilt of the fleſh reap corruption; if thou ſoweſt to the Spirit, thou wilt of the Spirit reap life everlaſting: why halteſt thou between two opinions? 1 King. 18.21.if the Lord be God, follow him; and if Baal be God, follow him. If God be better than the world, follow him fully; and if the world be beſt, then purſue it with all thy might; but conſider well what thou doſt, for this will be bitterneſs in the latter end. Haſt thou ſo long laboured, and prayed, and ran, and wreſtled, for a prize that now ſeems not worth having? doſt thou now come within ſight of Heaven, and doth thy heart fail thee? Haſt thou put thy hand to the plow; and now lookeſt back? didſt thou begin in the Spirit, and wilt now end in the fleſh? wilt thou be like wicked men and Seducers, that grow worſe and worſe? Hath the world bribed thee, or the Devil ſtopt thy mouth? Take heed thou make not Judas's purchaſe, or Demas's choice. If thou change thy maſter, conſider what is his wages as well as what is his work, and if this pleaſe thee, go on. Doſt thou want nothing here to make thee happy, that thou art ſo loth to away? well, let me tell thee, if thou miſs of Chriſt, thou wilt want nothing to make thee everlaſtingly miſerable; if the world be all thou expecteſt, then 'tis no wonder thou art ſo loth to leave it; for who can willingly part with his only Happineſs, and be ſtript of all his deſired enjoyments? and not only ſo, but enter into everlaſting miſery, for ſo they will do that have their portion in this life, and thoſe that make the world their God, or love any thing, though it be life it ſelf, above Chriſt: 'Tis no wonder that theſe fear the Purſevant that fetches them to execution, and drags them to Hell. He that hath the world for his All, will be loth to loſe all at one caſt; theſe may look upon death as one that comes to torment them before the time; death to thoſe is like as Belſhazzars hand-writing was to him, a terror and amazment; and there is nothing that is in the world can ſpeak peace to ſuch a ſoul, if his conſcience be awake. 'Tis not Lucretius his Epicurean Rules, nor Anacreons wanton Odes, can then lull it aſleep, or ceaſe the barking of it, or ſhift off the terror of death. A wounded Spirit who can bear, but one that believeth that death is but a gathering to his Fathers, a ſweet ſleep, a going to Chriſt, and being with him; and that the body though laid in the grave ſhall not be loſt, but raiſed up again at the laſt day, and made like unto the glorified body of Chriſt? How unſuitable is it for ſuch to be terrifyed with the apprehenſions of it! but the thoughts of the Immortality, and the Incorruptibility, and the Spirituality and Glory of the body at the Reſurrection, ſhould drown the noiſe, ſilence the doubts and fears of the danger that lies in the way, and the pains and pangs of death it ſelf. The pains of death to theſe are worſe than being dead; and this is but a flea-biting to the joy that follows; but to the wicked the pain of dying is nothing in compariſon of the conſequences of death, and the tormenting pains of the ſecond death: for were Hell no worſe than the pangs which dying men ſuffer, it were not ſo formidable. Rev. ….6. & 6.16.In miſery, men ſhall ſeek death, and ſhall not find it; and ſhall deſire to dye, and death ſhall flee from them; then will they ſay to the rocks and mountains, fall on us and cover us, &c. 'Tis wonder how wicked men can eat, and drink, and ſleep, and all this while know they are in debt and danger; yea, that there is a Sergeant ready to arreſt them whenſoever the Creditor will, and to caſt them into priſon, out of which they are never like to get: ſure ſome judiciary hardneſs is falne upon them, that they are ſleeping thus on the top of the Maſt, and playing ſecurely before the mouth of the Lyon, or before the Cannons mouth, and are more inſenſible than brute Beaſts of their danger approaching; yea they haſten their death and miſery by the intemperance of their lives, and ſacrifice not only their health but life alſo to Luſt and Drunkenneſs, to luxury and exceſs, and will not ſuffer Nature to ſpin out the thred of their lives to the utmoſt extent, but put a period to it themſelves, and cut off the thred of their lives with their own hands; theſe men run headlong to Hell; and wilfully upon death, which they had cauſe moſt of all to fear and avoid. The apprehenſion of approaching death is not the ſame to thoſe men and to others, that believe that death will end all their miſeries, and land them into everlaſting happineſs; the ſame Judge abſolveth the innocent, and condemns the guilty; and thoſe men have not the ſame apprehenſions of him, the one longs for his coming, the other fears it. 'Tis rather a wonder, that the Saints that have aſſurance of their future glory, do not long for the time of their diſſolution, and ſeek to haſten it by ſome illegal way, than uſe any indirect means to live when they are called to dye: I know the former is unlawful, for we muſt keep our ſtation, while God appoints us; and ſo is the latter, for we muſt come off the Centinel when he calls us: but it is more natural to deſire happineſs than miſery, and to uſe indirect means to procure the former than the latter. We read in the primitive times, when many Chriſtians were to ſuffer, of a Woman and her children that were haſting to the place, and being met by one of the perſecutors, who demanded whither ſhe went, and why ſhe made ſo much haſte, ſhe anſwered. She was a Chriſtian, and hearing many Chriſtians were that day to ſuffer, ſhe haſted with her children to ſuffer with them, and feared leſt ſhe ſhould come too late. Ignatius was afraid leſt the Prayers of the Church ſhould prevent him of ſuffering for Chriſt, and of his Crown of Martyrdome: Theſe had not ſuch fearful apprehenſions of death as thou ſeemeſt to have. Sure thoſe that look for perfection by death, ſhould not be afraid of it; and if theſe tabernacles of our bodies muſt down, what matter is it whether they are taken down, or burnt down, ſeeing the materials both waies will be preſerved; the one turns them to duſt, the other to aſhes; and in a little time they will moulder of themſelves into duſt. Death to the godly is but a parting of two intimate friends, the Soul and the Body, for a time; and both the one and the other will be gainers by the ſeparation; the Soul goes immediately to Heaven, and the Body lies in the grave for a ſeaſon, and ſhall thence be raiſed in unſpeakable glory, and God will build it up again an habitation for the ſoul, at his own proper coſt and charges: Death to them is but a Gaol-delivery, where the ſoul that hath been long a priſoner ſhall be ſet at liberty; 'tis but the bodies ſleep, and the Souls awaking; the bodies death and the Souls reſurrection; wherein the Soul ſhall be freed from all thoſe clogs which now preſſeth it down, that it cannot mount up into thoſe heavenly Regions, and it ſhall live with God bleſſed for ever to eternity; and is this a thing to be feared? Haſt not already had a ſufficent time in the world, that yet thou deſireſt more? a thouſand thouſand have not lived ſo long, and yet none of thoſe in Heaven complain their time was too ſhort upon Earth, or that they came thither too ſoon; and it would be hard to perſwade them to return with a promiſe of all the Excellencies that the world affords. This is the godly mans Purgatory, and ſhould he not rather pray to be delivered out than continued in it? 'tis his Hell, all the Hells he is like to have, and ſhall he take up his ſtation here, among miſeries, and troubles? hadſt thou in thy youthful daies had liberty to appoint out thy own time, and bound the tearm of thy life, haply thou mighteſt have thought the time thou haſt already lived had been competent; and truely if there be much more behind, thou maiſt well fore-ſee it will be burthenſome to thy ſelf, and troubleſome to others, by reaſon of thine infirmities. The world hath not been ſo great a friend to thee, as thus over eagerly to deſire it; thy Lord and Maſter, and the moſt and beſt of his Servants have not found it ſo kind; and thou haſt had thy ſhare of affliction even from thy youth up, upon the account of Chriſt, and his Goſpel; and muſt God put more gall and wormwood upon the breaſt to wean thee from the world? wilt thou ſtill linger, and draw back like Lot in Sodom? or like Iſrael doſt quarrel at the promiſed Land, becauſe there are ſome Anakims to be ſubdued, ſome troubles in the way, and art ever and anon returning back into Egypt, and longing after the Onions and Garlick and the Fleſh-pots thereof? Thou haſt long ſince taken preſs-money, and art now running away from thy Colours? thou haſt promiſed to be alwaies in a readineſs, and doſt thou now frame excuſes? and woudlſt be at thy own diſpoſe, and not at thy Captains? Thou art in a journey, and doſt thou ſit down at the ſtile? and art glad when thou meeteſt with ſome ſtop by the way to hinder thee? and is there nothing that thou feareſt more than that thou ſhouldſt come to thy journeys end too ſoon? but haply thy work is not done, and therefore thou dareſt not come into thy Maſters ſight: but how doſt create thine own ſhame in ſo ſaying? hadſt thou any greater buſineſs to do, and of greater importance? haſt thou had time for every thing elſe, and this not done? art thou in a race, and is a Crown of glory the prize if thou win, and thy own Soul at the Stake if thou loſe; and haſt been hunting Butterflies as thou wenteſt, which when they are taken ſerve but to ſoul the fingers? when thou didſt expect the Bridegroom, haſt thou Slept, and neither trimmed thy Lamp, nor provided thy Oyl? when thou waſt bid to the Wedding, haſt provided no wedding-garment? Thou haſt been oft minded of this day, yea thou haſt often minded others alſo; thou haſt often had reſolutions to do it, how have theſe dyed, and come to nothing? many a time thou haſt renewed thy Covenant with God, and ratified thy baptiſmal vows: In many a danger thou haſt made large promiſes if he would deliver thee what thou wouldſt do, and what a reformed man thou wouldſt be, that thou wouldſt double thy diligence, and amend thy pace; and have theſe reſolutions been ſtifled, and theſe promiſes broken? Oh horrid Ingratitude! what wouldſt thou now deſire of God, mighteſt thou have thy wiſh? wouldſt thou deſire to be immortal, and never dye? why this is impoſſible; Gods decree is otherwiſe: 'tis contrary to Nature, for this compoſition will work our deſtruction; and 'tis alſo inconſtent with Grace: then it might be thy trouble that thou waſt made a man: Or wouldſt thou live to old age? but how old? wouldſt thou deſire to ſpin out thy life to an hundred? alas! what a life of miſery wert thou like to lead! and when that time came, haply thou wouldſt be as unwilling as now; and would not Thirty or Forty years be as delightfully ſpent in Heaven, as upon the Earth? thou haſt far more cauſe to complain of the wickedneſs, than the ſhortneſs of thy time. Many that have had a ſhorter time, have done a great deal more work in it than thou haſt done. If thou live long, thy corruptions will not dye for age; a hard winter will not kill the weeds of ſin, theſe may flouriſh when thy body decayes, and old age is not the fitteſt time for reformation, and for preparation: Old age is like an old Tree, it will hardly bend, when a young tree is pliable: when thou comeſt to give an account of ill-ſpent time, thou wilt think the reckoning large enough; if thy receivings are great, thy account will not be ſmall. If thou improve thy talents well, and God take them quickly out of thy hand, he will never blame thee thou hadſt them no longer, nor require an account of thee for the time thou hadſt them not: 'tis fit the Maſter not the Servants ſhould determine what talents each one ſhould have, and how long; for 'tis fit he diſpoſe of his own goods as he pleaſeth. The longer God makes the leaſe of thy life, the greater fine or the more rent is to be paid; for God will not be a loſer by thee: well, if nothing elſe will ſerve, God may deal with thee as he hath dealt with others, whip thee home by ſome ſeverer ſcourge than yet thou haſt met with, and puniſh thee ſeven times more for this ſin, and make thee glad to return home as he did holy Job, whoſe afflictions were ſo great that he choſe ſtrangling rather than life; he may lay thee under ſome raging pain, ſome torturing diſeaſe, ſome tormenting diſtemper, and ſo make thee weary of thy life; or he may make thee ſpend the reſt of thy dayes in priſon, and ſuffer hardſhip there; or he may make thee to be a Turkiſh Gally-ſlave, as many are, chained to thy Oars; or he may reduce thee to extream wants and penury, to beg thy bread from door to door; to endure much hardſhip, hunger and cold, as many Proteſtants did in the Iriſh Maſſacre: and thus by putting more gall and wormwood upon the worlds Nipple, he can wean thee from the immoderate love of it, and the immoderate deſire of life. Oh my ſoul, wilt thou force thy loving Father to lay heavier ſtroaks upon thee than ever he did? Oh how unſuitable is this immoderate deſire of life, and fear of death, and murmuring under a divine diſpenſation of Providence, to a Chriſtian, to an ancient Profeſſor, to a Miniſter! can any reaſon be given why God ſhould not diſpoſe of thee, as well as he doth of all the world? Shall the pot ſay to him that made it, Why haſt thou made me thus? Art thou wiſer than he, to know who is fit to be cal'd forth to ſuffer? and knoweſt thou better than he how to guide the affairs of the world? But thou art afraid thou ſhalt not hold out; but doſt thou ſtand by thy own ſtrength? and doſt not think that God hath power enough to uphold thee, or wiſdom enough to know what thou canſt do? a wiſe Captain will not put a freſh-water Souldier upon the hardeſt aſſaults, put experienced Souldiers: God will not put new Wine into old Bettles; if thy heart be rotten, no wonder if thou miſcarry; if it be right, God will not ſuffer thee to faint, having ſo many cordials by him. In Queen Maryes daies, we read of poor ſimple men and women, that never had the Learning, the means, the time, the help that thou haſt had, nor never made the profeſſion that thou haſt made, yet were wonderfully ſupported by God under all their ſufferings, and became glorious Martyrs; and cannot God uphold thee alſo? and why then ſhouldſt thou be ſo deſirous of life, and fearful of death, and rather live a miſerable life than dye a happy death? why wouldſt thou ſtill live in Meſeck, and in the tents of Kedar, rather than in Gods own Houſe, and in his preſence, in whoſe preſence is fulneſs of joy, and at whoſe right hand are pleaſures for evermore? why doſt deſire to be preſent in the Fleſh, and abſent from the Lord, and preferreſt miſery before glory it ſelf, and a vain empty nothing before eternal treaſures? ſure ſomething is amiſs with thee, that with Adam thou hideſt thy ſelf from God, and wilt not go when he calls thee: Heb. 10.22.couldſt thou draw neer to him with a pure heart, in aſſurance of faith, with a heart ſprinkled from an evil conſcience, and thy body waſhed with pure water, thou maiſt find more delight in his preſence, than the world can yield; and in ſincerity will enable thee to delight in him, much more perfection; when all imperfections will be done away, then thou wilt find with David, that 'tis better be a door-keeper in the houſe of God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedneſs; that a day in his courts, much more in Heaven, is better than a thouſand elſewhere. But, Oh my ſoul, haſt not thou plaid the Truant, and now dareſt not come into thy Maſters ſight? haſt thou not with the ſlothful ſervant hid thy talent, or like the unjuſt Steward waſted thy maſters goods, and now feareſt what account thou ſhalt give of thy Stewardſhip, or what anſwer thou ſhalt make about thy talent? Or haſt thou not played the Coward, and runſt away from thy Colours, or turned thy back upon the enemy, and now dareſt not look thy Captain in the face? Paul when he had fought the fight, and kept the Faith, and expected the crown, he deſired to be diſſolved, and to be with Chriſt; to be abſent from the body, and preſent with the Lord; well may thy Lord and Saviour entertain thee with a check, Why art thou fearful, Oh thou of little faith? Art thou liſted to fight againſt thy enemies, and now when the laſt enemy is to be deſtroyed doſt thou turn thy back, throw down thy weapons, and quit the field? doth thy faith fail thee? and doſt thou queſtion whether there be a reward for the righteous, and a God that judgeth the earth; and whether there be an eternal happineſs to be had, or whither thoſe that dye in the Lord are bleſſed, and do reſt from their labours? doſt now queſtion whether death doth put an end to all the Saints miſeries, and enter then into eternal joy if ſo, why haſt thou preacht, and owned, and pleaded for theſe things? yea why haſt thou ſuffered ſo much in hope of a joyful reſurrection? but if thou believe there is a God, and that the Scripture is the Word of God, and that God will do as he ſaith, and will make good all his promiſes, and all his threats, and that it ſhall go well with the righteous, and that he ſhall eat the fruit of his labour; Iſa. 3.10.and that it ſhall go ill with the wicked, for the reward of his hands ſhall be given him: If thou do believe death is to the godly the Outlet to miſery, and the Inlet to glory, and puts them into poſſeſſion of all that is good, that it will cure all diſeaſes, and heal all maladies, how can this ſtand with thy fear and dread? the very thoughts of eternal Joy draws up the heart to Heaven, and makes thee wiſh and long for the time of thy diſſolution, and much imbitters all earthly enjoyments, and makes the ſoul impatient of delayes, and to cry out, Come Lord Jeſus, come quickly; when ſhall the time be that I ſhall Solace my Soul in the enjoyment of my Husband? when ſhall I lye in his boſom? when will my beloved ſend for me in his triumphant Chariot! O curſed ſin, when ſhall I be rid of thee? thou art the Make-bate between my God and me, thou hideſt his face from me, thou ſpoileſt all my duties, thou art the cauſe of all my miſery, when ſhall I be rid of thee? when ſhall I give thee a bill of divorce? when ſhall it once be? Oh my ſoul, were but thy love as it ſhould be to Chriſt, theſe would be thy breathings and thy pantings after him; thou wouldſt be like a love-ſick woman, never well till thou wert in the arms of thy beloved; thy thoughts would be upon him; ubi amor ibi animus; where the treaſure is, there will the heart be alſo; where love is, the heart will be; and love makes labour light; the wife that loveth her husband, will rather venture his diſpleaſure in coming to him without his conſent, than in ſtaying from him when ſhe is ſent for; and thy unwilllingneſs to dyeand come to Chriſt when he calls thee, doubtleſs proceeds from want of love to him: let them fear death that have Plague-ſores running upon them, the marks and tokens of the ſecond death; whoſe paſſing out of the world is but the direct road to Hell, whoſe life time is all the reſpite they have out of Hell, and the only breathing-time they are ever like to have free from torments: but to the godly it is not ſo, but their only Hell, and time of their miſery. If a man were ſore ſick, and could certainly know that after one night he ſhould be perfectly well, and never be ſick more; or if a man in pinching penury and want, ſhould know that after one Sleep he ſhould awake a Prince, and all his wants ſhould be ſupplyed; who would fear that Night, or be afraid of that Sleep? but ſuch a Night, ſuch a Sleep death is to the godly; it is but a ſleep, and they ſhall wake in glory; 'Tis but to wink, ſaith the Martyr, and we ſhall be in Heaven preſently; 'tis but the weakneſs of thy faith and love, or thou wouldſt not deſire to be abſent from Chriſt, upon ſuch poor tearms. Oh the hourly danger thou art in by reaſon of enemies without, within, and round about thee! Oh the dangerous ſnares they lay for thy feet! Oh the fears, the cares and manyfold troubles thou daily meeteſt withall! enough to make thee weary of thy life, and with Job to wiſh for death! and wilt not indure a little pain when it would ſet thee out of harms way, out of the Devils reach, or mans malice. The love of Chriſt in the Martyrs was hotter than the flames they burnt in; they could cry out, None but Chriſt, none but Chriſt: true love deſires union with the party beloved: and how canſt thou ſay thou loveſt Chriſt, when thy heart is not with him, when thou deſireſt not his company, or to enjoy him? thou pretendeſt love to him, and yet art willingly, deſirouſly abſent from him, and wilt not come to him at his call, but wilt rather deny him, and thy intereſt in him: thou cal'ſt him thy Husband, and pretendeſt thou haſt devoted thy ſelf wholly to him, and given up not only thy Name but thy Heart to him, and promiſed to forſake all other for him, and obey him whoever was diſobeyed; yet when it comes to the trial, with Demas thou chooſeſt the world before him; thou wilt not obey him, neither forſake the world for him, but loveſt thy life above him: what hypocriſie, what diſſimulation is this, to pretend to follow him, and yet really run from him, when he calls thee! well may he give thee a bill of divorce and put thee away, who doſt thus wilfully deſert him. Thou haſt preacht for him, and ſpoke for him, and ſuffered for him, but all this will not ſerve thy turn if thou love any thing above him; thou muſt give up all, or thou canſt not have him; he will admit of no Rival, he will have the prevailing degree of thy Love, or thou ſhalt have none of him: if thou prize thy life above him, he will prize himſelf to be too good for thee; 1 Cor. 13.1, 2, 3.for love is to him more acceptable than any Sacrifice; his love to thee made him exchange Heaven for the Earth, and glory for miſery, and will not thy love to him make thee willing to exchange Earth for Heaven, and the Creature for God? though a wife pretend love to her husband, yet if in her husbands abſence ſhe deſires not his return, and refuſeth to go to him, 'tis a ſign her love is cold, and ſhe hath ſomething elſe ſhe affects above him; that ſhe hath dealt treacherouſly with him, and placed her affections elſewhere. Were thy love to thy Lord and Husband but as ſtrong as a covetous mans love is to his Riches, or an ambitious mans to his Honour, or the unclean perſons to his Luſt, thou wouldſt not think a little pains too much to enjoy him; for theſe run through the pikes of danger, to obtain their end, and bring about their deſigns; and though Damnation lye in the way, they will venture one, and march up into the Cannons mouth, and expoſe themſelves to the everlaſting deſtruction of Body and Soul, which is a thouſand times worſe than death it ſelf, before they will fail in their enterprize. Did but thy heart pant after God as Davids did, Pſal. 42.1, 2.thou wouldſt long for the time when thou ſhouldſt appear before God: hadſt thou but a believing ſight of the Heavenly Canaan and its glory, thou wouldſt then ſee the worlds emptineſs, vanity, and miſery, and be more ſenbſile of thy wilderneſs troubles, and long to paſs over this Jordan; thou wouldſt be more willing to leave the one, and go to the other. But it may be 'tis not thy diſpute whether Heaven or Earth be the better choice, but thy own Intereſt that thou queſtioneſt; ſome enjoyments thou haſt here, and loth thou art to leave them till thou art ſure of better: but hath not this been thy objection many years? and haſt not yet got over this ſtile? why how haſt thou ſpent thy time? what haſt thou been doing? what is the reſult of thirty or forty years trial of the eſtate? hadſt any greater work lay upon thy hand? did not God ſend thee into the world upon this very buſineſs, and haſt thou ſpent thy time in hunting Butter-flyes, or weaving the Spiders web to catch flyes all this while? how canſt eat, or drink, or ſleep in quiet, without ſome comfortable aſſurance, when thou knoweſt not but the next morning thou mayſt awake with hell-flames about thy ears? thou art ſent to run a race, to fight a fight, to lay hold upon Heaven by violence, and haſt all this while ſate idle? Heaven and Earth may ſtand amazed at thy folly. If God allow thee more time, what hopes is there that thou wilt make more haſte, or get clearer Evidence for Heaven? think not that to deny Chriſt thy life, when he requires th… …o lay it down for him, is to gain time for better preparation; nay, it layes ſuch a barr in thy way to Heaven which it is much to be feared thou wilt never remove; the very thoughts of uſing this unlawful means to ſave thy life, do evidence that grace is either weak or wanting in thy ſoul. Time was thou didſt carry thy life in thy hand, and hold forth the contempt of the world, and mad'ſt a ſhew that thou matteredſt the world no more than it did thee, and that thou didſt believe true happineſs was not to be had under the Sun, and is thy judgment now altered? and in thy elder dayes, art thou grown more wiſe? and by diligent ſearch haſt found out thy miſtake, and not only thine but the miſtake of all the godly? and now doſt begin to graſp after the world, and art loth to leave it? why doſt not recant in publick? why doſt not diſcover to the people thy former errour, and bid them look for their happineſs here; Wiſd. 2.… 9.and crown themſelves with roſe-buds before they wither; let us be partakers of our wantonneſs, let us leave ſome tokens of our pleaſure in every place, for that is our portion, and this is our lot? Is this the doctrine thou wouldſt have others believe, and the counſel thou wouldſt have them take? if not, why doſt thou give them an Example to chooſe thy portion here, and let Chriſt which was thy pretended portion go, and graſp after that little which the world calls Portion, ſo greedily? and why art thou ſo loth to go where true Treaſure is to be had? why doſt chooſe to be toſſed to and fro by the billows of this raging Sea, and endure the tempeſt and ſtorms of trouble, rather than come into a ſafe Harbour, an Heaven of reſt, becauſe the mouth of it is ſtraight, and the entrance uneaſie? Doſt thou put thy ſelf into the caſe of the wicked, and doſt expect their portion, that thou lookeſt upon death as thy enemy alſo? 'tis true, it wounds thy body, but thy Soul is ſafe; but it deſtroyes them both in body and ſoul; and it brings more profit to the ſoul than dammage to the body; 'tis but as the prick of a pin to a dangerous Ulcer, which were it not prickt would prove mortal; it will put an end to thy pains, and a beginning to thy Joyes; for when thy life expires, ſin alſo dyes; and ſin and ſorrow are breathed out with thy life, and from this day thy Leaſe in Heaven bears date, which ſhall never expire. Rouſe up thy ſelf, O my Soul, be not dejected, God minds thee no hurt: Death will not, cannot hurt thee: Kill me they may, (ſaith the Martyr) hurt me they cannot; the worſt they can do, is but to ſend me to my Fathers houſe the ſooner. Many a warning thou haſt had, many a Corps thou haſt interred, many a Funeral Sermon thou haſt Preached; for ſhame ſay not thou hadſt not ſufficient warning: waſt thou ſo mad as to think of going to Heaven another way, or that thou waſt immortal, when thou ſaweſt ſo many about thee dye daily; or that thou ſhouldſt live to old age, when thou ſaweſt ſo many dye young, and felt ſo many ſenſible Symptoms of thy approaching death? thou haſt, as thou didſt ſuppoſe, ſome grounded hopes that thou hadſt a part in the firſt Reſurrection, and that therefore the ſecond death on thee had no power, and why then is death ſo terrible? Many have more diſtempers in their Souls than in their Bodies; 'tis true, this is thy caſe, yet thou haſt hoped thine are not mortal, the malignity of the diſeaſe is over, when many others have Plague-Sores running upon them; theſe may expect death, and have cauſe to fear it; it will but heal thy diſtempers, but inrage theirs: thou haſt had many meditations of death, and many diſcourſes with death, and you did ſeem pretty well agreed; thou haſt looked death in the face, and is he now become more terrible, or art thou more timerous, that when he comes to thy Bed-ſide, draws thy Curtains, and ſhakes thee by the hand, thou trembleſt? hath Chriſt done thee no good by his paſſion, by ſubduing Death, diſarming him, pulling out the ſting, and trampling him under foot, yea laying him proſtrate at thy feet? hath all the pains thou haſt taken in heavens way workt no more upon thee, ſet thee up no higher? where now is thy promiſed obedience, and thy prayers, Thy will be done, when thou art ready to reſiſt Gods Will when 'tis manifeſted, and preferreſt thine own before it? why doſt call thy Father the only wiſe God, when thou thinkeſt thy own wit beſt, and that thou knoweſt beſt when 'tis beſt for thee to dye, and wilt not ſubmit to his will; and that if thou wouldſt ſpeak out, thy mind is to indent with Chriſt; this thou wilt do or Suffer, but not that; this ſin thou wilt leave, but that thou wilt not; thou wouldſt pick and chooſe thy duties, and take the eaſieſt part of it, and leave the difficult, dangerous, and coſtly part undone, and wilt not have heaven at ſo dear a rate. Thou pretendeſt a deſire to be happy, and who doth not? Balaam deſires the death of the righteous, and that his end may be like his; but they will not live the righteous mans life, and thou art not willing to dye his death, for he is conformable to the will of God, both in life and death, which is that thou doſt diſlike. O my Soul, ſome great thing is amiſs with thee, thy corruptions are as ſtrong fetters to hold thee in the Devils Slavery: thy grace is weak, and cannot procure thy freedom; the Devil is too cunning for thee, the world ſubtil, and thy own heart deceitful, to betray thee into Satans hands. Oh my God, this is my condition, this is the eſtate of my Soul; here lyes my diſtemper, the world lyes too cloſe to my heart, and Chriſt lyes at too great a diſtance; my corrupt deceitful heart is ever and anon puting me on to chooſe this for my happineſs; a little Grace I ſee will not carry me through the temptations that lye before me, but Lord ſpeak the word and grace will flouriſh, and corruption will dye: thou haſt ſaid, and I believe it, that thou wilt not break the bruiſed reed, Mat. 12.20.nor quench the ſmoaking flax, till thou bring forth Judgment unto victory: Lord, I believe, help my unbelief; and let not my little grace be loſt in the great heap of the rubbiſh of my corruptions: Lord, if thou open mine eyes to ſee the emptineſs of the creature, and the fulneſs of Chriſt, then ſhall I love the one and deſpiſe the other; Pſal. 119.32.and ſhall run the ways of thy Commandments when thou ſhalt inlarge my heart; I ſee no reaſon why I ſhould be exempted from obeying thy Will, even to the laying down of my life, and though fleſh and blood will not yield willing obedience to it, yet 'tis my reſolution thus to do, Lord ſtrengthen my reſolution: I know my fears are the reſult of my Infidelity; Lord ſtrengthen my faith, that I may overcome them; for by thy ſtrength I ſhall ſtand, and without thy aſſiſting grace I ſhall Apoſtatize, and fall back: Leave me not to my ſelf, for then I ſhall undo my ſelf, diſhonour my God, ſcandalize Religion, bring a reproach upon the Goſpel, wound my Conſcience, break my Peace with my God, and undo my Soul. Luk. 9.62.Let me not, O Lord, now I have put my hand to the Plow look back again: Nor when I have begun in the Spirit, Gal. 3.3.end in the fleſh. Rev. 2.10.Lord make me faithful to the death, and then give me a Crown of Life.