A Sovereign Antidote Against the Fear of Death, Tract · Meditation 3
MEDITAT. III. God determines every ones Death, with the Time and Manner of it.
O My Soul, art thou afraid of a ſudden Death? why no Death is ſudden to a prepared man: but 'tis a violent Death thou feareſt, to fall into the hands of the cruel, into the hand of thy blood-thirſty Enemies: but conſider, who 'tis that appoints Death; is it not the great God that gives life? and is there any but he that can take it away? can any act without him, when they cannot breathe without him? is it not he that kills and makes alive, and brings to the Gates of Death and back again? is it not he without whoſe Providence a Sparrow cannot fall to the ground, by whom all the hairs of thy head are numbred? As thy life is not put into thy own hands, to live while thou liſteſt, and to dye when thou pleaſeſt, no more is it into thy enemies hands, to take it away when their pleaſure is; but in the hand of thy mercifull Father, who beſt knows when thy work is done, and when thou art ripe for glory. 'Tis true, he uſeth Inſtruments, ſometimes one, and ſometimes another, but theſe inſtruments cannot go one link beyond their commiſſion, and theſe are of his own chooſeing; ſometimes inanimate creatures muſt do his Will, and prove his Executioners; thus the waters muſt drown the old world thus the Red Sea muſt overwhelm proud Pharaoh and his Hoſt, thus the fire muſt burn up Sodom and Gomorrah and the Cities adjacent; thus the Earth muſt ſwallow up Corah, Dathan and Abiram, and their company; ſometimes bruit Beaſts, 2 King 2.24.thus the two ſhe-Bears that killed forty two Children that mocked the Prophet; 2 King 17.25, 26.thus he deſtroyed thoſe that feared him not with Lions; yea ſometimes very Inſects are his Executioners; thus he plagued Pharaoh and his people, and many others; Herod was devoured of Worms, and many of Lice: and the leaſt of creatures if animated by him can ſtop the breath of the proudeſt Tyrant; and the ſtrongeſt and moſt potent Prince without him can do nothing. The Devil himſelf cannot touch one of Jobs Cattel without his leave; the fire cannot burn the three children, nor the Lyons devour Daniel, having no Commiſſion from him: A world of Arians could not deſtroy Athanaſius, nor a world of Papiſts Luther and Calvin. God, as he hath appointed all men to dye, ſo he hath determined by what death, the time when, and the manner how, and the inſtruments by whom, and every circumſtance belonging to it. If he pleaſed he can make five of his people put a hundred to flight, Lev. 26.8.and a hundred chaſe ten thouſand; Iſa. 69.1.his hand is not ſhortned that he cannot ſave, neither is his ear heavy that he cannot hear. I know in our Creation we were by our compoſition made ſubject to death, but by his bleſſing, had we not ſinn'd, we had not dyed; for ſin brought death into the world, but when the Fall came, man had not only an aptitude to a diſſolution, but an irrevocable decree paſt upon him, and dye he muſt; and ever ſince nature of it ſelf tends to ruine, and our bodies like an old houſe muſt yield to time, and fall in pieces. God I know hath power in his hand to maintain life longer, or take it away ſooner, and he acteth accordingly; he ſets one a longer Leaſe than another, as he thinks fit: The Fathers of the firſt ages lived long, ſome of them near to a thouſand years; in our age few reach a hundred, and there are but few that live ſo long as Nature might ſpin out their lives, but either by ſome diſeaſe, ſome accident, ſome violence or other offered to Nature, their lives are cut off. Mans body being compounded of the four elements, and of contrary qualities, heat and cold, drought and moiſture, except God by his ſpecial bleſſing keep theſe in peace, they will ſtrive for the predominancy, and indanger the compoſitum. When ſin entred into the world, Rom. 5.12.death entred by ſin, and ſo death paſſed over all, for as much as all have ſinned; and Chriſt in the work of Redemption hath not freed us from the firſt, but the ſecond death; not from the ſtroak, but the ſting of death: Chriſt died not to deliver us from hunger and thirſt, cold and nakedneſs, ſickneſs and diſeaſes, but ſo far forth as is for our good; and God himſelf, and not we our ſelves, muſt be Judge in the caſe: Chriſt himſelf ſuffered theſe miſeries, and dyed by the hand of cruelty, and greater than the Maſter is the Servant cannot be; and man is as liable to this as before Chriſts ſuffering. Nature thou ſeeſt diſpoſeth thee to death, and God hath determined the time when, for God is the God of Nature; and diſpoſeth it as he ſees good. Well maiſt thou expect death as the wages of ſin, and every day doth expoſe thee to ſome danger or other, which may take away thy life. Death comes irreſiſtible, like an armed man; thou haſt no time certain, no time promiſed, no breath but what God puts into thee, and therefore thou ſhouldeſt daily expect death; let it come in what ſhape it will, or let God ſend by what meſſenger he pleaſeth, thou ſhouldſt bid him welcome, thou ſhouldſt ſtoop willingly under the ſtroke, for 'tis but death ſtill, thou canſt not avoid it, therefore make a vertue of neceſſity. Seeing thy Lamp muſt out, 'tis not much, whether it be put out, or burn out, whether the tree rot down, or be cut down, whether the Roſe wither, or be gathered; if the later, 'tis like to be put into the boſom; all is but death, and a death thou oweſt, and a death thou muſt pay; thy natural conſtitution adapts thee to it, and God by his decree deſigns thee to it, and 'tis thy duty to ſubmit, and no reaſon to the contrary, for it is thy intereſt. The potion thou art to drink is preſcribed and mixt by the wiſe Phyſician; the Cup thou art to drink comes out of thy Fathers hand, and no more, nay not ſo bitter as he gave his only Son, and he drank up the very dregs of it for thy ſake; yea, and there is Sugar put into thine to ſweeten it. All the circumſtances of thy death are determined by him, and none can add one dram to the potion he hath mixed for thee, and yet doſt thou grumble that it is too much, or too bitter? doſt thou think thy ſelf wiſe enough to alter Gods Eternal Decrees, who hath determined thy daies? the number of thy months are with him, Job 14.5.he hath appointed thy bounds that thou canſt not paſs. Or wilt thou quarrel the meſſenger he ſends, and like the fooliſh dog bite the ſtone, and let the paſſenger that threw it go free? is there evil in the city, … 3.6.and the Lord hath not done it? without his leave a dog cannot move his tongue againſt thee, nor an enemy his finger: whoever be the Inſtrument God is the Author; Iſa. 10.5.if the King of Aſſyria be the rod, God is he that holds the rod, and when the Child is reformed the rod will be burnt. David could ſee God even in Shimei's curſing; 2 Sam. 16.10.The Lord (ſaith he) hath bid him curſe David. God can, yea he will if it be good for thee, preſerve thee from a violent death, and he will preſerve thee till the appointed time come; they cannot antedate his Decree; thou ſhalt not be cut down ſooner, neither canſt thou ſtay longer than he hath appointed: and doſt call God thy God, and thy Father, and yet reſiſt his will? doſt pray, Thy will be done, and yet when he makes known his will doſt thou oppoſe it? but haply thou maiſt ſay, How ſhall I know it is his will, that I ſhall lay down my life? why, when thou canſt not ſave it without denying Chriſt, or his Truth, or committing ſin; for he that commiteth ſin, is of the Devil; and in ſuch a caſe think not to wreſtle out of the hands of God; ſin will find thee out, and never any man ſet himſelf againſt God and proſpered: There is no reſiſting of God, when thou canſt not breathe without him; all diſeaſes are his Executioners, and wicked men can do no more; to the one or the other of them thou muſt ſubmit, and not much matter to which; to neither of them thou ſhould ſubmit willingly, but to God in both: thou ſhouldſt ſeek all lawful means againſt the one and the other, but nothing but what is lawful: when God denies help, go not to the Devil for a medicine; to ſubmit to death when thou canſt not help it is no praiſe-worthy thing: when thou canſt ſave thy life by unlawful means, and wilt not, this ſhall not be unrewarded, a Crown of glory will be given thee. He deſerves death that in time of danger deſerteth his Captain, and falls off to the enemy. Keep thy life thou canſt not without his leave, and if thou lay it down for his ſake, 'tis not the way to loſe it but to ſave it, to hide it with God in Chriſt; and doth not Reaſon tell thee, he is fitteſt to diſpoſe of thy life that gave it? he is too righteous to do thee wrong, and too gracious to do thee hurt; never was indulgent Father, or tender-hearted. Mother more carefull of their only Child, than God will be of thee; thou ſhalt not lye longer in the furnace than need is: he afflicts not willingly nor grieves the children of men: thou art but like a ſleepy child, that wreſts, and wrings, and cries, and will not be undreſt; and thy Father muſt carry thee to bed againſt thy will; and what harm hath he done then? when thou awakeſt thou wilt thank him for it. When Corn is ripe it ſhould be cut, and who is fitter to know when 'tis ripe than the great Husbandman? when thy work is done thou maiſt go to thy reſt, and who better knows than the Lord of the Vineyard? if that he take thee off in the midſt of thy day, and give thee the wages for the whole day, what cauſe is there of complaint? Nay, ſhould he give thee the whole wages for one hours work? if God call thee off, 'tis not to ſtop thy wages, or to blame thee for working no longer. Thou muſt ſubmit to the ſtroak of death, and do it willingly, whether it be natural or violent; for conſider, God hath moſt right to thy life, and is the fitteſt perſon to determine of the Manner of thy death: He gives men Laws to live by, and yet many will take their own wills and waies, to their own deſtruction; he gives men Laws to dye by, look that thou follow not thy own will to perdition; thou art but a Tenant at will, if thou reſign not at thy Landlords will, it will be the worſe for thee; he will never provide a better houſe, but a Priſon for thee; he is the fitteſt to determine when to pull down theſe houſes of clay, and who ſhall do it; and if thou willingly ſubmit, he will raiſe thee up a Spiritual building, an houſe not made with hands, but eternal in the Heavens. Is it not unreaſonble for thee to think to keep the keyes of life and death at thy girdle? why ſhouldſt thou think to diſpoſe of thy death any more than of thy birth, or of thy latter end more than thou didſt of thy beginning? it was through him that thou waſt born, and at his diſpoſe ſhall be thy death: if thou wouldſt wring this key out of Gods hand, into whoſe hands wouldſt thou commit it? is any in the world fitter for it, than he is? nay, can any other in the world preſerve thy life? thou art the clay and he is the Potter, and whoſe is the Pot but the pot-makers? and who may better daſh it with his foot than he? may he not diſpoſe of his own as he pleaſeth? he is beſt able to maintain life, and beſt able to take it away; for if he tread upon thee, he leaves thee dead behind him: if he with-hold thy breath, thou returneſt to thy duſt, and all thy thoughts periſh. Doth not he rule in Heaven and in the Earth? doth not he direct the Sun, the Moon and the Stars in their courſes? doth not he cauſe Summer and Winter, Cold and Heat, Seed-time and Harveſt, Day and Night, and thou letſt him alone with theſe? and why? becauſe thou canſt not take this work out of his hand: he makes the Graſs to grow for the Cattel, and Corn for the ſervice of Man; he waters the earth with his Clouds, and cauſeth the Springs to run among the Hills; why doſt not take theſe out of his hand? or muſt he rule all the reſt, and only thee muſt be excepted? hath he more wiſdom than thou haſt in all other things, only in the diſpoſing of thy life thou outwitteſt him? why, art thou not his creature as well as others? and how cam'ſt thou from under his dominion? doth it beſeem a rational man, much leſs a gracious man, to argue at this rate, and except himſelf from Gods diſpoſe, and argue himſelf from under his tuition, and think himſelf to be an independent creature, fit to ſtand upon his own legs? Doth not he know beſt when his work is done, and when his Roſes are ripe, and when his Children are fit for glory? or is any other fitter to determine theſe controverſies? or wouldſt thou diſpoſe of thy own life? if ſo, wouldſt have all men have the ſame priviledge? then Heaven, eſpecially Hell, would be long empty; for what wicked man would leave the Earth to go thither? and God muſt be beholding to his people to come to him: how ſhould Judgment and Juſtice then be executed? the ſword of Juſtice would ruſt in the Scabbard; for what offender would lay down his head upon the block willingly? How would the Earth then be filled with violence, and all flagitious crimes? if thou wouldſt not have others have the like priviledge, then thou art partial; if thou wouldſt, thou art fooliſh: but if it were at thy own diſpoſe, how couldſt maintain it? Thou couldſt neither provide thy ſelf food, neither could thy life be preſerved by food without Gods bleſſing; neither couldſt thou preſerve it from the hands of violence; and therefore 'tis beſt leave it in his hands where it is: or wouldſt have God preſerve thy life as long as thou pleaſeſt, and till thou think 'tis fit to dye? why doſt think thou canſt put ſuch a clauſe into the Covenant? or doſt think 'tis fit it ſhould be put in? wouldſt thou have God alter his eternal decrees for thy ſake? Oh the folly of ſuch a conceit! the pride of ſuch a deſire! thou thinkeſt the life of the bruit beaſt ſhould be at thy diſpoſe, to ſave or to deſtroy, as thou thinkeſt fit, and yet thou thinkeſt thou doſt them no wrong if thou kill them; and why? becauſe thou calleſt them thy own: but hath not God a better right to thee than thou haſt to them? He gave thee thy life, but thou gaveſt them not the life thou takeſt. But 'tis a violent death thou feareſt, and wouldſt not fall into thine enemies hands; but if God make them his Meſſengers, they are thy Friends, though unwillingly, and promote thy glory; they cannot act without him, and therefore look not at the rod, but at the hand that holds it. The King of Aſſyria was ſent as a ſcourge by God to do his work, Iſa. 10.7.15.to reform his people; Howbeit he meaneth not ſo, neither doth his heart think ſo; but it is in his heart to deſtroy, and to cut off nations not a few, &c. Shall the Ax boaſt it ſelf againſt him that heweth therewith? or ſhall the Saw magnify it ſelf againſt him that ſhaketh it, &c? All are but inſtruments in the hand of God, they do his will, and what he appoints; as Jehu cut off Ahabs family at his command, yet God puniſht him for it, becauſe he aimed not at Gods glory in the work, but at his own greatneſs: wicked men can neither maintain their own lives, when God calls for them, neither can they take away thine by their own power; for they can have no power but what they have from above; and if thou ſee Gods hand and ſeal to their Commiſſion, murmur not at it, for 'tis not want of love to thee that made God ſet them on work, nor any love to them that made him imploy them; but it was to fill up the meaſure of their ſins, that they may be ripe for Judgment, and to fill up the meaſure of thy ſufferings, that thou maiſt be ripe for glory. The ſame love that ſent Chriſt into the world to dye for thee, is exerciſed in ſending thee to dye for him; in the one he prepared a King dom for thee, in the other he calls thee out of the world to enjoy it. By Chriſts death there is a poſſeſſion purchaſed, and by thy death thou art put into the poſſeſſion of it; and what hurt is in all this? there is thy life, yea Eternal Life, put into the leaſe of it. Never fear miſcarrying, i… thou wilt be ruled by God: for if thou ſhouldeſt, either it will be want of power, want of wiſdom, or want of love tha… ſhall occaſion it; not want of power, for the Lord is El-ſhaddai, God alſufficient able to remove all the rubs that lye in the way; thy enemies they cannot hurt thee without him, for they cannot breathe without him, nor move a finger but by his aſſiſtance: Neither can they out-wit him for he is Omniſcient, the only wiſe God, Iſa. 9.6.the everlaſting counſeller, the Prince of peace; who knows how to deliver his people, and to reſerve the wicked for the day of wrath: they cannot hide their counſels from him, for he is every where preſent; if they dig down to Hell, he is there alſo, and can countermine them; he hath wrought wonderfully for the preſervation of his people; witneſs Noah, Daniel, the three children, Jonah, Iſrael in Egypt, the Jews in Hamans time, Peter, Athanaſius, Luther, Calvin, England; and many others, which he hath preſerved againſt numerous enemies. And for love never any hath diſcovered more than Chriſt hath done for his people, and yet canſt not truſt Him with the diſpoſe of thy life, that loſt his own for the good of thy ſoul? Thou canſt truſt thy life in a narrow Ship upon the raging Sea, for gain, if thou think thou haſt a skilful careful Pilot, and dareſt not ſail in thoſe narrow ſeas to the port of Reſt, and Haven of happineſs, when God himſelf is thy Pilot, and ſteers thy Ship, when never any miſcarried in the voyage? Thou canſt truſt a Lawyer with thy Eſtate, if thou think him honeſt and able, and doſt miſtruſt the everlaſting Counſeller with thy eternal Eſtate, who neither can deceive, or be deceived? Thou wouldſt truſt a skilful Phyſitian with thy Body, and take bitter pills and unſavoury potions if he preſcribe them, and dareſt thou not put thy life into the hands of the Phyſician of Souls, in compariſon of whom all others are Phyſicians of no value, becauſe he preſcribes a little unpleaſing Phyſick, though no bitterer than needful? If thou miſtruſt him with thy life, either 'tis becauſe thou feareſt he will deceive thee, or may be deceived; but this intrenches upon his wiſdom or fidelity; 'tis better for a child be under his Fathers protection than his own; much more for thee to be under Gods tuition, than at thy own diſpoſe: he never yet betrayed his truſt, neither can any pluck thee out of Gods hands; John 10.28. Rom. 8.21.he tells thee, all things ſhall work together for thy good, if thou love God, and then why not death? why not a violent death? hath he not told thee, Heb. 13.5. Mat. 16.18he will never leave thee nor forſake thee; and that the gates of Hell ſhall not prevail againſt thee? and dareſt not take his word? was he ever known to falſify it? If life be good thou ſhalt have it, if not, why wilt deſire it? But art afraid leſt he ſhould deal with thee when he takes thee hence, as the Prophet did with the Syrians, lead thee to Samaria, when thou thinkeſt thou art going to Dothan; leſt thou ſhouldſt go to Hell with hopes of Heaven in thy mouth? Never fear, if thou carry thy Evidences for Heaven with thee, he will never diſinherit thee. Chriſt will not loſe the purchaſe of his blood, and thou ſhalt not loſe what he hath purchaſed for thee. If it be good for thee to dye, why wouldſt thou live? A child cannot chooſe ſo well for himſelf as his Father can; and God knows better than thee what is belt: Many are loth to open a Vein, and yet in ſome caſes 'tis beſt; yea to cut off a Limb may be neceſſary, though painful; the ſenſual faculty here muſt be ruled by the rational: that is not alwaies beſt that is moſt pleaſing to the Appetite. If thou leave it to God what death thou ſhalt dye, he will make the beſt choice for thee, he will lay no more upon thee than he gives thee ſtrength to bear; and through Chriſt aſſiſting thee thou maiſt do all things. Truſt not in thy own ſtrength, leſt with Pembleton thou faileſt in the performance. Mat. 9.17.God will not put new wine into old bottles, nor the heavieſt burden upon the weakeſt Horſe; the ſtrongeſt if he leave them are weak, and the weakeſt in his ſtrength are ſtrong: if thy heart be upright, God will either free thee from thy ſuffering, or ſupport thee under it; he will fit the back before he lay on the burden: if thou dye by a violent death, ſo do thoſe many thouſands that are ſlain with the Sword, and yet thoſe that are ſlain by the ſword are better than they that dye of famine; Lam. 4.9.many a wounded man that yet eſcapeth with his life, ſuffers more pains of his wounds than if he had been ſlain outright. If thou refuſe a few pangs for Heaven, thou art not worthy of it: yea a natural death may be as painful, many times is more painful than a violent death; but the reward of the latter if it be for God, may clearly turn the ſcales, and make it more eligible. Thy enemies, as before was ſaid, are not Maſters of thy life, neither is it in their power to take it away; for they have no power but what they receive from Heaven: 'tis he that diſpoſes of Angels and Men, of Crowns and Kingdoms, of Heaven and Earth, that muſt diſpoſe of thy life, and is not he the fitteſt for the work? is there any in the world can do it better? is there any in the world thou hadſt rather truſt with thy life? is not he the fitteſt to ſend for thee out of the world, that ſent Chriſt into the world for thy ſake? and wilt thou think thy life too dear for him, that thought not the pangs of death, nor the pains of Hell too much to ſuffer for thee? hath he ſuffered ſo much to purchaſe glory, and wilt thou ſuffer nothing to enjoy it? his ſuffering was a thouſand times more for thee, than thine is like to be for him, or rather for thy ſelf; for thou hadſt the benefit of his death, but he will have none by thine: hath he provided a Manſion, and wilt not leave thy Cottage to go to it? Death 'tis true is ſurly and grim, but 'tis thy Fathers Meſſenger, and muſt do the meſſage he gives in charge; and 'tis an Ambaſſador from the great King, and Ambaſſadors are entertained not for their own, but their Maſters ſake, and death may be welcomed for the meſſage ſake he brings: He comes to tell thee, that thy work is done, and thy wages is ready, thy Warfare is accompliſhed, the Field is won, and the Crown is thine; Mat. 25.21.that thou haſt been faithful over a little, and now muſt be Ruler over much, and muſt enter into thy Maſters joy: That the Bridegroom is come, and thou muſt go in with him to the wedding; that thou haſt been faithful to the death, Rev. 2.10.and now ſhalt have a crown of life: And is not ſuch a meſſage welcome, and the Meſſenger that brings it? will any wiſe man rather ſtay in Egypt, than go through the red Sea at Gods command, or endure a few Wilderneſs troubles to come to Canaan, yea through a ſea of blood to a Haven of reſt? If the way be troubleſome, the Journeys end is pleaſant; if thou art ſtung with fiery Serpents, there is a brazen Serpent to hea… thee of thy wounds, and to draw ou… the venom. If the ſea be rough, the Pilo… is skilful. If thy diſeaſe be dangerous this Phyſician is skilful; if thy wounds be deep, this Surgeon will cure thee, yea by Killing will cure thee of all diſtempers. Were Death a purſevant from Hell, as to many he is, well mighteſt thou fear; but being ſent from Heaven, and coming in thy Fathers Livery, and his ugly Vizor taken off, he is more amiable. If thou have part in the firſt reſurrection, the ſecond death on thee ſhall have, no power. Death 'tis true, Rev. 20.6.puts a cup of trembling into the hands of unrepentant ſinners, even a cup of the Lords indignation filled to the brim, which they muſt drink up to the very dregs, and Eternity will be little enough to ſee the bottom; but what is this to thee? thy part is ſugered, and 'tis but one ſup, ſwallowed in a few moments of time; to them it proves the firſt and ſecond death, to thee but a Sleep: Our friend Lazarus ſleepeth. Thoſe ſparks which wicked men now on earth kindle by their luſts, will there be blown up into an everlaſting flame; Mar. 9.44.the worm dyeth not, and the fire never goeth out. That death that puffs out the candle of the wicked, only ſnuffs the other that it may burn brighter. The godly while they are in the world act a Comedy, which begins bad but ends well; the wicked act a Tragedy, which alwaies ends in blood and confuſion; death ſets an end to both, to the godlieſs miſeries, and the wickeds happineſs. Rev. 14.13.Bleſſed are the dead that dye in the Lord; even ſo ſaith the Spirit, for they reſt from their labours, and their works follow them: And if this be the only way to bleſſedneſs, why art thou afraid to walk in it? death will be the Funeral of thy Vices, and the Reſurrection of thy Graces: here Joſephs feet ſhall no longer be hurt in the ſtocks, the iron ſhall no longer enter into his ſoul; neither ſhall Jeremy lye here in the miry dungeon, nor Daniel in the den of Lions, nor Jonah in the Whales belly: why wilt thou not be uncloathed, that thou maiſt be cloathed upon, and ſurrender this houſe of clay that thou maiſt have a better? Thou art like an ill debtor, that bortoweſt with prayers, keepeſt with thanks, and parteſt with it with repining: Thy body is but lent thee, yet art thou loth to reſtore what was borrowed. Well, dye thou muſt, and whether it be fit that God or thee ſhould determine of the Time and the Manner of thy death, is the queſtion in hand; and is this become a controverſie? and wilt diſpute thy right? Heaven and Earth may ſtand amazed at thy folly: if thou wilt not yield him his due, he will ere long diſtrain for it, and try the Title at Judgment, where thou art like to be caſt, and thrown into Priſon, till thou haſt paid the utmoſt farthing: for if thou deny to glorifie God by thy death, he will glorifie himſelf by thy deſtruction. Oh my God, I yield, I ſurrender, I ſubmit, I put my life into thy hands, ſend for me when and by whomſoever thou wilt; My ſpirit is willing though my fleſh is weak: I dare not truſt my own deceitfull heart, leſt it betray me; but thee I dare truſt, Lord ſtrengthen my Faith, confirm my Aſſurance, clear up my Evidences for Heaven, ſtand by me in all my Sufferings, and lay no more upon me than thou giveſt me ſtrength to bear; then call me and I will run after thee, though it be by the very Gates of Hell; I can do all all things through Chriſt that ſtrengthens me.