Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners, Part 2 – Conclusion
A brief Account of the Authors Imprisonment
251. HAving made profession of the glorious Gospel of Christ along time, and had preached the same about five year; I was apprehended at a Meeting of good People in the Countrey, (amongst whom, had they let me alone, I should …ve preached that day, but they took me away from amongst them) and had me before a Justice, who, after I had offered security for my appearing at the next Sessions yet committed me, bec…use my Sureties would not consent to be bound that I should preach no more to the people.
252. At the Sessions after, I was indicted for an Upholder and Maintainer of unlawful Assemblies and Conventicles, and for not conforming to the National Wo…ship of the Church of England; and after some conference there with the Justices, was sentenced to perpetual banishment because I refused to Conform. So being again delivered …p to the Goalers hands, I was had home to Prison again, and there have lain now above five year and a quarter, waiting to see what God will suffer these m…n to do with me.
253. In which condition I have continued wi…h much content thorow Grace, but have met with many tu…nings and goi…gs upon my heart both f…om the Lord, Satan, and my own corruptions; by all which (glory be to Jesus Christ) I have also received, among many things, much conviction, instruction, and understanding, of which at la…ge I shall not here discourse; onelyonly give you, in a hint or two, a word that may stir up the Godly to bless God, and to pray for me; and also to take encoura…ement, shou…d the case be their own, Not to fear what man can do unto them.
254. I never had in all my life so great an inle… into the Word of God as now: them Scr…ptures that I saw nothing in before, are made in this place and state to shine upon me. Jesus Christ al…o was never more re…l and apparent then now; here I have seen him, and felt him indeed: O that word, We have not preached unto you cunningly devised fables, 2 Pet. 1 16. and that, God raised Christ from the dead and gave him glory, that your faith and hope might be in God, 1 Pet. 1.20. were blessed words unto me in this my imprisoned condition.
255. These three or four Scriptures also have been great refreshment, in this condition, to me; Joh. 14.1, 2, 3, 4. Joh. 16.33. Col. 3.3, 4. Heb. 12.22, 23, 24. So that sometimes, when I have been in the favour of them, I have been able to laugh at destruction, and …o fear nei…her the Horse nor his Rider. I have had sweet sights of the forgiveness of my sins in this place, and of my being with Jesus in another world: O the Mount Zion, the heavenly Jerusalem, the innumerable company of Angels, and God the Judge of all, and the Spirits of just men made perfect, and Jesus, have been sweet unto me in this place: I have seen that here, that I am perswaded I shall never, while in this world, be able to express; I have seen a truth in that Scripture, Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoyce with joy unspeakable, and full of glory, 1 Pet. 1.8.
256. I never knew what it was for God to stand by me at all turns, and at every offer of Satan, &c. as I have found him since I came in hither; for look how fears have presented themselves, so have supports and encouragements; yea, when I have started even as it were at nothing else but my shadow, yet God, as being very tender of me, hath not suffered me to be molested, but would with one Scripture and another st…engthen me against all: insomuch that I have often said, Were it lawful, I could pray for greater trouble, for the greater comforts sake, Eccles. 7.14. 2 Cor. 1.5.
257. Before I came to Prison, I saw what was a coming, and had especially two Considerations w…rm upon my heart; the first was, How to be able to endure, should my imprisonment be lon… and tedious; the second was, How to be able to encounter death, should that be here my portion. For the first of these, that Scripture Col. 1.11. was great information to me, namely, to pray to God to be strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and long-suffering with joyfulness: I could seldom go to prayer before I was imprisoned, but for not so little as a year together, this Sentence of sweet Petition, would as it were thrust it self into my mind, and perswade me that if ever I would go thorow long-suffering, I must have all patience, especially if I would endure it joyfully.
258. As to the second Consideration, that Saying 2 Cor. 1.9. was of great use unto me, But we had the sentence of death in our selves, that we might not trust in our selves, but in God that raiseth the dead: by this Scripture I was made to see that if ever I would suffer rightly, I must first pass a sentence of death upon every thing that can properly be called a thing of this life, even to reckon my Self, my Wife, my Children, my health, my enjoyments and all, as dead to me, & my self as dead to them.
259. The second was, to live upon God that is invisible; as Paul said in another place, The way not to faint, is to look not at the things that are seen, but at the things that are not seen; for the things that are seen, are temporal; but the things that are not seen, they are eternal: and thus I reasoned with my self; If I provide onelyonly for a prison, then the whip comes at unawares, and so does also the pillory; again, if I provide onelyonly for these, then I am not fit for banishment; further, if I conclude that banishment is the worst, then if death come, I am surprized; so that I see the best way to go thorow sufferings, is to trust in God thorow Christ, as touching the world to come; and as touching this world, to count the grave my house, to make my bed in darkness, to say to Corrup…ion, Thou art my Father, and to the Worm, Thou art my Mother and Sister; that is, to familiarize these things to me.
260. But notwithstanding these helps, I found my self a man, and compassed with infirmities; the parting with my Wife and poor Children hath oft been to me in t…is place, as the pulling the flesh from my bones; and that not onelyonly because I am somewhat too too fond of these great mercies, but also because I should have often brought to my mind the many hardships, mise…ies and wants that my poor family was like to meet with, should I be taken from them, especially my poor blind Child, who lay nea…er my heart than all I had besides; O the thoughts of the har…ship I thought this might go under, would break my heart to pieces.
261. Poor Child! thought I, what sorrow art thou like to have for thy portion in this world? thou must be …eaten, must beg, suffer hunger, cold, nakedness, and a thousand calamities, though I cannot now endure the wind should blow upon thee: but yet recalling my self, thought I, I must venture you all with God, though it goeth to the quick to leave you: O I saw in this condition I was as a man who was pulling down his house upon the head of his Wife and Children; yet thought I, I must do it, I must do it: and now I thought of those two milch Kine that were to carry the Ark of God into another Country, and to leave their Calves behind them, 1 Sam. 6.10, 11, 12.
262. But that which helped me in this temptation, was divers considerations, of which th…ee in special here I will name; the first was, the consideration of those two Scriptures, Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve them alive, and let thy …idows trust in me: and again, The Lord said, Verily it shall go well with thy remnant, verily I will cause the enemy to entreat thee well in the time of evil, &c.
263. I had also this consideration, that …f I should now venture all for God, I engaged God to take care of my concernments; but if I forsook him and his ways, for fear of any trouble that should come to me or mine, then I should not only falsifie my profession, but should count also that my conce…nments were not so sure if left at Gods feet, while I stood to and for his Name, as they would be if they were under my own tuition, though with the denial of the way of God. This was a smarting consideration, and was as spurs unto my flesh: that Scripture also greatly helped it to fasten the more upon me, where Christ p…ays against Judas, that God wou…d disappoint him in all his selfish thoughts, which moved him to sell his Master. Pray read it soberly, Psal. 109.6, 7, 8, &c.
264. I had also another consideration, and that was, The dread of the torments of Hell, which I was sure they must partake of, that for fear of the Cross do shrink from their profession of Christ, his Word and Laws, …efore the sons of men: and of the glory that he had prepared for those that in faith, and love, and patience, stood to his ways before them. These things, I say, have helped me, when the thoughts of the misery that both my self and mine might, for the sake of my profession, be exposed to, hath lain pinching on my mind.
265. When I have indeed conceited that I might be banished for my Profes…ion, then I have thought of that Scripture, They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword, they wandered about in sheep-skins and goat-skins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented, of whom the world was not worthy, for all they thought they were too bad to dwell and abide amongst them. I have also thought of that saying, The holy Ghost witnesseth in every city, that bonds and afflictions abide me; I have ve…ily thought that my Soul and it, have sometimes reasoned about the sore & sad estate of a banished and exiled condition, how they are exposed to hunger, to cold, to perils, to nakedness, to enemies, and a thousand calamities; and at last it may be to die in a di…ch like a poor forlorn and desolate sheep. But I thank God hitherto I have not been moved by these most delicate reasonings, but have rather by them more approved my heart to God.
266. I will tell you o… a pretty business: I was once above all the rest in a very fa…t and low condition for many weeks, at which time also I being but a young Prisoner, and not acqu…inted with the Laws, had this lay much upon my spirit, That my imprisonment might end at the Gallows for ought that I could tell; now therefore Satan said hard at me to beat me out of heart, by suggesting thus unto me: But how if when you come indeed to die, you should be in this condition; that is, as not to savour the things of God, not to have any evidence upon your soul for a better state hereafter (for indeed at that time all the things of God were hid from my soul.)
267. Wherefore when I at first began to think of this, it was a great trouble to me: for I thought with my self, that in the condition I now was in, I was not fit to die, neither indeed did think I could if I should be called to it: besides, I thought with my self, if I should make a scrabling shif… to clamber up the Ladder, yet I should either with quaking or other symptoms of faintings, give occa…ion to the enemy to reproach the way of God and his People, for their timerousness: this therefore lay with great trouble upon me, for methought I was ashamed to die with a pale face, and tottering knees, for such a Cause as this.
268. Wherefore I prayed to God that he would co…fort me, and give me strength to do and suffer what he should call me to; yet no comfort appear'd but all continued hid: I was also at this time so really possessed with the thought of death, that oft I was as if I was on the Ladder, with the Rope about my neck, onelyonly this was some encouragement to me, I thought I might have now an opportunity to speak my last words to a multitude which I thought would come to see me die; and, thought I, if it must be so, if God will but convelt one Soul by my very last words, I shall for count my life thrown away, nor lost.
269. But yet all the things of God were kept out of my sight, and still the tempter followed me with, But whith…r must you go when you die? what will become of you? wh…re will you be found in …nother world? what evidence have you for heaven and glo…y, and an inheritance a…ong them that are sanctified? Thus was I tossed for manie weeks, and knew not what to do; at last this consideration fell with weight upon me, That it was for the Word and Way of G…d that I was in this condition, wherefore I was ingaged nor to flinch a hairs bredth from it.
270 I thought also, that God might chuse whether he would give me comfort now, or at the hour of death; but I might not therefore chuse whethe… I would hold my profession or no: I was bound, but he was free: yea, twas my dutie to stand to his Word, whether he would ever look upon me or no, or save me a… the last: Wherefore, thought I, the point being thus, I am for going on, and venturing my eternal state with Christ, whether I have comfort here or no; if God doth not come in, thought I, I will leap off the Ladder even blindfold into …ternitie, sin… or swim, come heaven, come hell; Lord Jesus, if thou wilt catch me, do; I vvill venture for thy Name.
271. I was no soo…er fixed upon this resolution, But that Word dropt upon me, Doth Job serve God for no …ight? as if the accuser had said, Lord, Job is no upright man, he serves thee for by respects, hast thou not made a hedge about him, &c. but put forth now thy hand, and touch all that he hath, …nd he will curse thee to thy face: How now? thought…, is this the sign of an upright Sou…, to desire to serve God when all is taken from him? is he a go…lie man that vvill serve God for nothing ra…her then give out? blessed be God, then I hope I have a… upright heart, for I am resolved (God give me strength) neve… to denie my profession, though I have nothing at all for my pains; an… as I was thus considering, that Scripture was set before me, Psa. 44.12, &c.
272. Novv vvas my heart full of comfort, for I hoped it vv…s sincere; I vvould not have been vvithout this trial for much, I am comforted everie time I think of it, and I hope shall bless God for ever for the teaching I have had by it. Many more of the Dealings of God tovvards me I might relate, but these out of the spoils vvo… in Battel have I dedicated to maintain the House of God, 1 Chron. 26.27.
The CONCLUSION.
1. OF all the Temptations that ever I met with in my life to question the being and truth of the Go…spel, i… the worst, and worst to be born; when this temptation comes, it takes away my girdle from me, and removeth th… …oundation from under me: O I have often thought of that word, Have your loyn… girt about with truth; and of that, When the foundations are destroyed what can the Righteous do?
2. I have wondered much at this one thing, that though God doth …isit my Soul with never so blessed a discoverie of himself, yet I … found again, that such hours have attended me afterwards, that I have been in my spirit so filled with darkness, that I could not so much as once conceive what that God and that comfo…t was with which I have been refreshed.
3. I have sometimes see… more in a line of the Bible, then I could vvell tell hovv to stand under, & yet at another time the vvhole Bible hath been to me as drie as a stick, or rat…er my heart hath been so dead and drie unto it, that I could not conceive the least dram of refreshment, though I have lookt it over.
4. Of all tears, the… are the best that are made by the Blood of Christ; and of all joy, that is the sweetest that is mixt with mourning over Chri…; O tis a goodly thing to be on our knees with Ch…ist in our arms, before God: I hope I know something of these things.
5. I find to th…s day seven abominations in my heart: 1. In clinings to unbelief, 2. Suddenlie to forget the lo…e and merciemercy that Christ manifesteth, 3. A leaning to the Works of the Law, 4. Wandrings and coldness n prayer, 5. To forget to watch for that I pray for, 6. apt to murmur b…cause I have no more, and yet readie to abuse what I have, 7 I can do none of th…se things which God commands me, but my corruptions will thrust in themselves; When I would do good, evil is present with me.
6. These things I continuallie see and feel, and am affl…cted and oppressed with; yet the Wisdom of God do…h order the… for my good: 1. They make me abhor my self; 2. They keep me from trusting my heart: 3. They convince me of the insufficiencie of all inherent righteousness; 4. They shew me the necessity of fleeing to Jesus; 5. They pres… me to pray unto God; 6. They shew me the need … have to watch and be sober▪ 7. And provoke me to look to God thorow Christ to help me, and carry me thorow this world. Amen.
FINIS.
End of the text · John Bunyan, Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners (1666)