Poetical Fragments, Poem 12
12. The Lamentation Jan. 18. 1660/1.
For Sin afflicting the Sinner; eſpecially by the grievous ſufferings of Friends.
With the Relief of the Self-condemning Soul.
O Mercy, Mercy, Mercy! O my God!
Muſt I feel nothing but thy ſmarting Rod?
Muſt I be daily on the rack of ſears?
And have no drink to quench my thirſt but tears?
Where is the Spring that feeds this bitter ſtream?
That ſtops not, either when I wake or dream?
Theſe Worms of Fear and Grief, whoſe food I am,
Into the world as brethren with me came:
Youthful diverſions caſt them once aſleep,
But Light awaken'd them to bite more deep.
Since then, I liv'd between thy Book and Rod;
And in thy School of Diſcipline abode:
Sometimes thy gentle twigs toucht but the skin:
Sometimes thy ſharper ſtroaks did enter in:
Moſt of them fell but on my outward part:
But now they pierce, they wound, they kill my heart.
Spare Lord! I ſigh, I groan, I weep, I cry!
O ſpare! before I bleed, I ſink, I die!
O ſpare the Heart! or wound none but mine own!
And let me ſigh, and weep, and mourn alone!
It's I that ſinn'd: theſe Sheep what have they done?
I ſinn'd but with One Heart: O break but One!
Shall I that have extoll'd thy peoples Joyes,
And told men of the ſweetneſs of thy waies;
Now by my plaints and dolor make them think,
Thou giv'ſt us Gall and Vinegar to drink.
Set me not as a ſpectacle of wrath,
To frighten commers from the holy path.
Be ſilent fleſh! my God is Wiſe and Juſt;
Haſt thou not ſinned? ſtoop and kiſs the duſt.
If Paſſion did not blind thee, thou might'ſt ſee,
Juſtice is good, even when it falls on thee.
It is not cauſleſs, if he pierce the Heart:
He doth but chuſe the foul, the guilty part.
Had not the door been open'd firſt to ſin,
Terrour and ſorrows could not have got in:
If it have room for thoughts of Pride and Iuſt;
That trouble ſhould dwell with them, is but juſt.
Where ſhould the tent be put, but in the wound?
We cleanſe the ulcerous part, and not the ſound.
Where ſhould Jehovah's battering Cannons play,
But at the Fortreſs where his Enemy lay?
Thence came the viperous brood; there was the root
Of all the bitter, poiſonous, deadly fruit.
There God ſhould have been entertain'd in Love.
His Will as End & Spring each wheel ſhould move.
But how unkindly was he there abus'd?
His tender Love and healing Grace refus'd?
Oft have I ſhut the door when he hath come;
I play'd, or ſlept, or would not be at home.
Should God be ſleighted by a ſtubborn Heart,
And not rebuke its folly by its ſmart?
I ſinn'd and laugh'd; I lightly paſs'd it over:
Should God do ſo, and not his wrath diſcover?
Juſt is the Lord: My ſin hath found me out.
I find his threatenings true beyond all doubt:
What have I done! All's now to Conſcience known:
Its deep remorſe, tells me, What I have done.
What have I done! It's graven all in Stone:
This heart of flint, feels now, What I have done.
What have I done! my pained fleſh and bone,
Cry out with anguiſh, O what have I done!
What have I done! I ſee, I feel, I groan!
The ſad effects proclaim, What I have done.
What have I done! My friends diſtreſs and moan,
Cry to me night and day, This thou haſt done.
Melt ſinful heart, and ſpare not! welcome grief!
Away delights! I'le none of your relief.
Shew me the Wilderneſs, the ſecret Cell,
Where grief and I may ſtill together dwell!
Where Hills and Woods may eccho all my groans,
And hearers may not interrupt my moans!
Where mortal Eyes may ſee no more the face,
Which folly hath confounded with diſgrace.
Where I may Die alive, and Live in Death;
And ſpend in Lamentation all my breath.
Seeing deceitful heart-tormenting ſin
So cunningly is crept and woven in:
Break it in pieces, turn this Heart to duſt;
Melt out the droſs; purge out the filth and ruſt.
Spare not the Lance: Or if that will do good,
Drench it in tears: Stop not this briniſh flood!
Jeſus.
Peace troubled Soul! I'le waſh it in my blood.
Woman, why weepeſt thou? was the firſt word,
After his Riſing, ſpoken by our Lord,
To which his Angels Preface did accord.
John 20. 13. 15.
The Relief.
Jeſus.
PEace troubled Soul! It's not thy briniſh flood,
Nor troubling Paſſions that muſt do thee good:
Come! freely drank, and bathe thee in this Blood.
Sinner.
What I? ſo vile a wretch! it cannot be!
Alas! I fear it was not ſhed for me!
Jeſus.
Yea even for thee: So far 'twas ſhed for all,
That they may come and welcome, at my Call.
Sinner.
Alas Lord! I have trampled on thy Blood,
And thy Reproofs, and Calls of Grace withſtood.
Jeſus.
And yet I call thee: Take my Mercy yet:
I'le anſwer for thee: I have paid thy debt.
Sinner.
What mine! that have provoked thee ſo long?
And done thy Blood and Spirit ſo much wrong?
Jeſus.
I dy'd for Enemies: It is my Glory,
To waſh foul hearts, and blot out all their ſtory.
Sinner.
What! one ſo long! ſo terrible! ſo ſad!
Love one ſo hateful! pardon one ſo bad!
Jeſus.
Haſt thou ſuch ſins as I cannot forgive?
Or any wants which I cannot relieve?
Sinner.
I know thy Blood can waſh away my guilt:
I doubt not, thou canſt heal me, if thou wilt.
Jeſus.
How hath my Will deſerved thy ſuſpicion,
When I have made Acceptance the condition?
Conſent, and all is thine: My Gift is free:
The purchaſe is not to be made by thee.
Sinner.
… know what thou wilt do, ſhall ſure be done:
…ut ſome God hates: I fear that I am one.
Jeſus.
And muſt the Love declar'd at ſuch a rate,
So vail'd by the ſuſpicion of Hate?
For this I came to Men from God above,
To manifeſt his great abundant Love:
Mark what my Doctrine, Life and Death intend:
This is their principal deſign and end:
Not only to reveal God's Power and Skill,
But chiefly his Great Mercy and Good Will.
Sinner.
Yet he will ſave none but his own Elect:
Not thoſe that his Salvation neglect.
Jeſus.
My Promiſe, and thy Duty, thou may'ſt ſee;
But canſt not ſearch the depth of God's Decree.
Mercy intreats thee: here it's brought unto thee:
Take it, and God's Decree ſhall not undo thee.
All are Elect that do not to the laſt
Refuſe me, and my Grace behind them caſt.
Sinner.
This I have done, and fear I ſhall do ſtill,
Till I the meaſure of my ſins fulfil.
Though God be Love it ſelf, I ſhall have none:
I fear my Day of Grace is paſt and gone.
Methinks I feel, Grace doth my Soul forſake:
Thy Holy Spirit thou doſt from me take.
Jeſus.
Here thou art yet alive; my Grace attends thee;
And from the jaws of Death and Hell defends thee.
Satan would fain at once thy Soul devour:
What dangers doſt thou walk in every hour?
Yet thou art ſafe, and hear'ſt the Preacher's voice
Come, cloſe with Mercy, and Heav'n will rejoyce.
Doſt thou not feel my Spirit ſtill contend?
And tell thee what it is that thou muſt mend?
If yet thou'lt be but willing to be mine;
I and my Benefits will ſure be thine.
I ſeek; I knock; thou find'ſt I have not done:
Yet doſt thou ſay, thy Day of Grace is gone?
Sinner.
O but I have a Heart as hard as Steel!
I ſee my miſery, but cannot feel!
Jeſus.
Fully to feel what thou deſerv'ſt, is Hell.
What meaſure's beſt, it's I that beſt can tell.
Sinner.
I can ſcarce weep a tear for ſin: This Heart
Was never melted yet by all thine Art!
Sure it's a ſign my Day of Grace is gone,
When this unhumbled Heart remains a Stone.
Jeſus.
Conſent but to my Covenant, and be ſure,
The remnant of thy Hardneſs I will cure.
I'le put a tender heart into thy breaſt:
Believe in me, and I'le forgive the reſt.
It is no Mortal Hardneſs, if thou chuſe
My Covenant; and doſt not me refuſe.
Should'ſt thou but fully feel thy ſin, thou'dst die:
None could ſustain ſo great a load but I.
I felt it for thee: Leave it to my care,
To wound or heal; to break, afflict or ſpare.
Sinner.
My ſin, my wants my miſery is ſuch.
That I can never feel and grieve too much.
Jeſus.
Such breaking's good as breaks the heart of ſin:
And maketh way for Love to enter in.
But not the grief that only breaketh eaſe,
Weakning the Soul, and ſtrengthning the Diſeaſe.
Hinder not Love and Joy; but grieve in meaſure:
My Blood, and not thy Tears, muſt be thy Treaſure.
Sinner.
Indeed my pureſt ſtreams are too impure:
And cannot thy ſeverity endure.
The grief of an impatient ſelfiſh ſpirit,
Cannot thy Pardon or Acceptance merit.
But if this hardened Heart do not relent,
And ſo great ſin and miſery lament,
How canſt thou ſmile on ſuch a brazen face,
As never felt the want and worth of grace?
Jeſus.
Whence … I this complaining language hear,
If neither want nor worth of grace appear?
I'le ſave thee, if but ſo far thou Repent,
As to my Goſpel-Covenant to conſent.
Wilt thou be healed? Truly ſay, I will,
And trust the cure on thy Phyſicians skill.
Sinner.
O there's my ſin and woe! though Grace be free
I cannot take thy Grace, or come to thee.
My heart is hardened; I cannot repent:
My Will's enthrall'd; I cannot conſent.
This will condemn me at the dreadful day:
I may have Life, but will not when I may.
Jeſus.
Art thou not willing? why then dost thou crave it?
Doſt thou complain for grace, & wouldſt not have it?
If thou hadſt rather be ungodly ſtill,
It ſeems thou ſpeak'st all this againſt thy will.
Sinner.
Would not the worſt of men be ſav'd from Hell?
And in delight and endleſs pleaſure dwell?
But to be Holy I have no deſire,
But as a means to keep me from Hell fire.
When I ſeem to do good, or ill forbear,
It is not out of Love, but ſlaviſh fear.
All my Religion is but from Self-love:
I find no pleaſure in the things above.
Jeſus.
Natural Love of Self is the foundation
Which Grace builds on, and uſeth for Salvation.
He that loves not himſelf, loves not another:
It's as thy Self that thou muſt love thy Brother.
Thy own Salvation is the lawful end,
Which Grace and Nature bind thee to intend.
Why was I made man, but for man's Salvation?
I ſuffer'd Death to hinder thy Damnation.
Theſe are the ends for which thou muſt believe:
Life through a Saviour's that thou muſt receive.
…t's Carnal Self that wicked men do love:
The Lawful Love of Self they'l not improve.
They all prefer ſin's pleaſure for a ſeaſon;
Their fleſhly appetite doth rule their Reaſon.
Me and my healing Grace they will not have;
They'l not endure that Mercy ſhould them ſave.
They hate the Light that would their ſin diſplay,
And would direct them in the holy way:
Though they fear Hell, they alwaies fear much more
The loſs of honour, pleaſure, health or ſtore.
No fear of Hell will take their Idol down,
And make them ſeek firſt the Eternal Crown.
The Fear of God is Wiſdom's true beginning:
It calls to Duty, and preſerves from ſinning:
God muſt be fear'd, as one that can deſtroy
The Soul, and ſhut it out of endleſs Joy.
The Fear of God's the Juſt man's Character:
They fear not God indeed that wished are.
God would be fear'd as a conſuming fire:
This is no ſin but what he doth require.
Love may lie hidden as a covered ſeed;
When Fear in troubling Paſſion doth exceed.
If angry Parents make the Child afraid,
He feels not Love, till Paſſion be allaid.
Exceſſive Fear may hinder active Love,
And yet the … not …:
When God's rebukes and frowns the Soul affright,
It may diſpoſe his Children unto flight.
Where Love is true, ſome Hatred may ariſe,
When terrours and deſpair the Soul ſurpriſe.
A loving Child will not his Father own,
When through miſtake or diſtance he's unknown.
The pleaſing part of Love cannot appear,
Under prevailing Grief, and too much Fear:
Until the Soul be calm'd, and theſe abate,
Love is oppreſt, and ſeemeth turn'd to hate.
But doth not Love appear in thy Deſire?
Would'ſt thou not Love God more? & fain get higher?
Would it not pleaſe thee more if thou couldſt find
His Image clearly printed on thy mind,
His Love and Spirit dwelling in thy heart,
Then of this World to have the choiceſt part?
Wouldſt thou not have a heart that can Repent,
And hate ſin more, and tenderly relent?
A heart more fit to Meditate and Pray?
And walk exactly, and God's Laws obey?
A clearer Light, which may God's mind reveal?
More life and feeling? greater heat of Zeal?
A ſtronger Faith to live on things above,
Where endleſs Praiſe ſhall be the breath of Love?
Sinner.
Whether I ſhould deſire theſe I doubt,
If poſſibly I could be ſav'd without.
Jeſus.
What's Grace for, but to bring thee to Salvation?
To heal thy Soul, and keep thee from Damnation?
Wilt thou its Nature and its Uſe deſtroy,
And then conceit thou doſt it not enjoy?
Think on't, as that which doth Salvation bring,
Or elſe thou mak'ſt it quite another thing.
Grace were not Grace if it did not intend
Thy Happineſs and Glory as its End.
The means is nullifi'd by ſeparation
From the juſt End to which it hath relation.
What do men trade for but their lawful wealth?
And what is Food and Phyſick for but Health?
Look not on Grace in one divided notion:
But the concordant perfect frame and motion:
Take not one ſingle part, but view the whole,
As it's the Health and Beauty of the Soul;
The Life, the Strength, the Glory, the Delight,
And that which makes it lovely in God's ſight;
The honour, ſafety, gain, and true content;
And that which muſt the pains of Hell prevent:
Take theſe as undivided; all in one;
And view not one disjoynted part alone:
If all together ſeem a choicer treaſure
Than worldly gain, and ſinful fading pleaſure,
And turn the ſcales in thy deliberation;
Then doubt not of thy Title to Salvation.
But doſt thou not deſire that God would love thee?
And make thee juſt and lovely, and approve thee?
Would'ſt thou not ſee his face in Glorious Light,
And there ſing Allelujah's in his ſight?
And love him perfectly world without end,
More deerly than thou lov'ſt thy deereſt friend?
Where thou ſhalt be repleniſhed with joy,
And no diſturbance ſhall thy Soul annoy?
Where no temptation, ſin or grief ſhall come:
Where my own Love and Joy ſhall be thy home,
Abiding with the Host of Heav'n alwaies,
In the ſweet Muſick of Jehovah's Praiſe.
This Glorious Life with God, thou must love best:
Yet as thy own Felicity and Rest:
In Union and Fruition of a Friend,
Not one, but both the Lovers are the End.
And hast thou no Deſire or Will to this?
Would'st thou not live with God in endleſs bliſs?
Sinner.
Some cold Deſires of Heav'n the worſt may have:
But dreaming lazy Wiſhes will not ſave.
Jeſus.
Judge by theſe three for ending all the ſtrife:
Thy Eſtimation, Choice, and Bent of Life.
Theſe fleſhly pleaſures ſtand in competition:
Know which thou Chuſeſt as thy beſt Condition.
If thou the Everlaſting ſure Reward,
More than ſins fading pleaſures doſt regard;
If GOD and thy Salvation be the part,
Whoſe Intereſt ſtands higheſt in thy Heart;
If thus his Kingdom thou firſt ſeek and crave;
Both it, and all things needful thou ſhalt have.
Sinner.
I fear I do not theſe thy terms fulfil;
And have not truly a Conſenting Will:
Becauſe ſo great averſeneſs I ſtill find,
To God and Holineſs upon my mind;
Such deadneſs to Believe, Love, and Repent,
That there ſeems more of Hatred than Conſent.
Neceſſity and Reaſon uſe a force
Againſt my Will and Nature's bent and ſourſe.
Jeſus.
No man can conquer and obtain Salvation,
But by reſiſting carnal inclination.
Fleſhly deſires run with ſpeedy courſe,
And need not Faith's or Reaſon's help and force.
Earthward you ſink propenſly as a cold;
But not ſo eaſily aſcend to God.
One motion's downward; th' other's all uphill;
Againſt the byas of the carnal will.
Too much of fleſh remaineth in the beſt:
Some enmity to good ſticks in their breaſt:
Something of Hatred, even to God and Grace,
Contends with Love, and troubleth your race.
In the moſt mortifi'd, the fleſh yet liveth,
And conſtantly againſt the Spirit ſtriveth:
You cannot hear, read, meditate, or pray,
Or any thing that's good, think, do, or ſay;
But Fleſh makes war, and ſtifly doth reſiſt,
And would prevail, did not my Grace aſſiſt.
Conflict and Conquest of this in-bred Foe,
Must be the way of all the good you do.
The Question is not, Whether Fleſh do ſtrive?
But, Whether after Fleſh or Spirit you live?
It is not oppoſition that will prove
That thou art void of Faith, or Hope, or Love.
The Law that's in thy Members will still find
Weapons against the Law that's in thy Mind:
The Fleſh will ſo rebel, and put thee to it,
That when thou wouldst do good, thou canst not do it.
There's in one breast a twofold Will and Heart,
Actingreach of them a contrary part:
There is a Will to Good, and Will to evil:
One's Rul'd by God, the other by the Devil.
A Will to read, and pray, and meditate;
A Will that doth all this oppoſe and hate.
Do not now stand and whine, nor yield, nor flie;
But uſe thy weapons: thou must fight or die.
Now live by Faith: Be glad thou hast a Christ,
Whoſe Spirit fortifies thee to reſist:
Making the greatest things thy chiefest ſcope;
Keeping alive a ſecret ſpark of Hope;
Which will not only ſtrive, but overcome;
And through all Foes will ſafely bring thee home.
Sinner.
But how can I find favour in thy ſight,
That have ſinn'd wilfully even in the Light?
Jeſus.
Though they that wholly to the last reject
My Sacrifice, no other can expect;
All kind of ſin is pardon'd by my Merit,
Save the grand blaſphemy against the Spirit.
Sinner.
Alas! this is the thing that I fear moſt,
Leſt I have thus blaſphem'd the Holy Ghoſt!
Jeſus.
No man that fears, or thinks he hath this ſin,
Hath ever truly guilty of it been.
For they deny me all to be the Lord,
Think it no ſin to violate my Word.
They ſet themſelves against me with deſpight,
And justifie the ſin which they commit.
Sinner.
But wilt thou take this, Lord, for true Conſent,
From a hard heart that can no more relent?
From one that loveth thee no more than I?
That is conſtrained by Neceſſity?
And while he thus ſubſcribeth to thy Will,
Knowingly croſſeth it, and ſinneth ſtill?
Jeſus.
If thou Conſent, it's Good that doth thee move:
And to Conſent to Good, is truly Love.
Believe if thou would'st Love: And in my face,
Behold the Fulneſs of God's Love and Grace.
If His abounding Love thou didst but know,
Thy heart with Love to him would everflow.
Love kindleth Love; but Faith must hold the Glaſs!
This ſight would win thy heart before thou paſs.
He that will Love God, must not think him Evil;
Nor paint him in his fancy like the Devil.
Satan will make thee fly from God with hate,
If he can make thee throughly deſperate.
Think'ſt thou to find thy Love, before by Faith
Thou'lt come to Me? and hear what Mercy ſaith?
Thou may'st as wiſely ſearch for marks to prove
Thou lovest God, before thou wilt him love.
Believe, Conſent, Give up Thy Self to Me;
And I will give my Self and Spirit to thee;
I will inable thee to do the reſt;
And take the ſtony heart out of thy breast:
I'le put God's Fear and Love into thy heart,
That thou may'ſt never more from him depart.
I'le quench the flames of thy corrupt deſire,
And ſave thee from God's wrath, and from Hell fire.
Sinner.
And wilt thou pardon all the crimſon ſin,
Of which my wilful heart hath guilty been?
Jeſus.
Have I not told thee I will pardon all?
Haſt thou ſinn'd more than raging bloody Soul?
Or than Manaſſeh's long and matchleſs flood
Of Witchcraft, Rage, Idolatry and Blood?
That yet was pardon'd when he did return,
And in his Priſon-Irons pray and mourn.
Truſt Me, Subſcribe My Covenant and be Mine,
And I and All My Benefits are Thine.
Sinner.
O wondrous Love! where this is kindly felt,
The heart muſt needs with Love & Sorrow melt!
Wilt thou accept ſo vile a wretch as I?
I'le caſt my ſelf upon thee, live or die.
My Soul and Body here to Thee I tender:
All that I called Mine, I Here Surrender.
To this Conſent here I ſubſcribe my Hand,
Whatever Changes come, to this I ſtand:
Not by my ſtrength: I truſt on Thee, My Lord!
That for performance, thou wilt Grace afford.
January 26. 1660/1.