Compassionate Counsel to All Young Men, Chapter 4
CHAP. IV. How the Case standeth with our Youth in matter of Fact.
§ 1. THrough the great mercy of God, many Families are sacred Nurseries for Church and Kingdom; and many Parents have great comfort in the Grace of God appearing in their Children. From their early Childhood many are of humble, obedient Dispositions, and have a love to Knowledge, and a love to the word of God, and to those that are good and virtuous persons. They have inward convictions of the evil of Sin, and a fear of sinning, and a great dislike of wicked persons, and a great Love and reverend Obedience to their Parents, and when they grow up, they diligently learn in private, and in publick: They increase in their love to the Scriptures and good Books, and to Godly teachers, and godly Company, and God saveth them from temptations, and worldly deceits, and fleshly Lusts, and they live to God, and are blessings to the Land, the joy of their Friends, and exemplary and useful to those whom they converse with.
§ 2. But all, even religious Parents have not the like blessing in their Children. 1. Some of them, though religious otherwise, are lamentably careless of the duty which they promised to perform (at Baptism) in the education of their Children, and do but superficially and formally instruct them, and are too faulty as to the Example which they should give them, and seem to think that God must bless them, because they are theirs, and because they are baptised, while they neglect their promised Endeavours. 2. And some Children when they grow up, and are bound to resist temptations, and to use Gods appointed means for their own good, do wilfully resist Gods Grace, and run into temptations, and neglect, and wretchedly betray themselves, and forfeit the mercies which they needed.
§ 3. In all my observation God hath most blessed the Children of those Parents, who have educated them as followeth: 1. Those that have been particularly sensible what they promised for them in the Baptismal Vow, and made Conscience of performing it. 2. Those that have had more care of their Souls than of their outward Wealth. 3. Those that have been most careful to teach them the pravity of corrupted nature by original sin, and to humble them and teach them the need of a Saviour, and his renewing as well as pardoning Grace, and to tell them the work of the Spirit of Sanctification, and teach them above all to look to the inward state of their Souls. 4. Those that have most seriously minded them of death, judgment, and the Life to come. 5. Those that have always spoken of God with the greatest reverence, affection and delight. 6. Those that have most wisely laboured to make all the knowledge and practice of Religion pleasant unto them, by the suitableness of Doctrines and Duties to their capacity. 7. Those that have most disgraced sin to them, especially base and fleshly pleasures. 8. Those that have kept them from the baits of sensuality, not gratifying their appetites in meats and drink, to bring them to an unruly habit; but used them to a habit of temperance, and neglect of appetite. 9. Those that have most disgraced worldliness and Pride to them, and used them so low things in Apparel and Possession, and told them how the proud are hateful to God, and set before them the example of a crucified Christ, and opened to them the Doctrine of Mortification, and self-denial, and the great necessity of true humility. 10. Those that have been most watchful to know their Childrens particular inclinations and temptations, and apply answerable remedies, and not carelesly leave them to themselves. 11. Those that have been most careful to keep them from ill Company, especially, (1.) Of wicked Youths, of their own grouth and neighbourhood, (2.) And of tempting Women. 12. Those that have most wisely used them to the meetest publick Teachers, and help them to remember and understand what they hear, especially the fundamental truths in the Catechism. 13. Those that have most wisely engaged them into the familiarity and frequent converse of some suitable, godly, exemplary Companions. 14. Those that have most conscionably spent the Lords days in publick and in their families. 15. Those that have done all this, as with reverend gravity, so especially with tender, endearing Love to their Children, convincing them, that it is all done for their own good: And that do not by imprudent weaknesses ignorance, passions, or scandal, frustrate their own Endeavours. 16. Those that use not their Children as meer patients, only to hear what their Parents say; but ingage them to constant Endeavours of their own, for their own good; especially in the reading of Scripture, and the most suitable Books, and meditating on them, and daily personal Prayer to God. 17. Lastly, Those that pray most heartily and believingly for Gods Grace and his Blessing on their endeavours: Such mens Children are usually blessed.
§ 4. But it is no wonder, where such means are neglected, much more when Parents are ungodly, fleshly, worldly persons, and perhaps Enemies to a holy life, if the Children of such are ignorant, deluded, ungodly, and drown'd in fleshly Lusts. And, alas! it is the multitude of such, and their sad conditions, which is the occasion of my writing this Epistle.
§ 5. 1. We see, to our grief, that many Children are of a stupid and unteachable disposition, and almost uncapable of Instruction, who yet can as quickly learn to talk of common matters, as other persons, and can as easily learn a Trade, or how to do any ordinary business. And though some inconsiderate persons overlook the causality of the more immediate Parents sins, in such judgments on their Children, as if it were only Adam's Sin that hurt them, I have elsewhere proved, that this is their great and dangerous mistake. As David's Child dyed for the Fathers sin, the Children of Gluttons, Drunkards, Fornicators, oft contract such bodily distempers, as greatly tend to stupifie or further vitiate the mind. And their Souls may have sad additions to the common humane pravity.
2. Accordingly many Children have more violent passions, and carnal desires, than others, which run them into wicked ways impetuously, as if they were almost bruits that had no reason or power to resist. And all words and corrections are to them of little force, but they are as blocks, that when you have said and done what you can, go away as if they had not heard you.
3. And some have cross and crooked natures, addicted to that which is naught, and the more, by how much the more you do contradict them: Froward and obstinate, as if it were a desirable Victory to them, to overcome their Parents, and escape all that would make them wise and good: Dogged, sour, proud, self-willed, and utterly disobedient.
4. And too many have so great an Enmity and aversness to all that is holy, spiritual and heavenly, that they are weary to hear you talk of it, and you persuade them to learn, to read, to pray, to meditate, or consider, as you persuade a sick man to the meat which he doth loath, or a man to dwell with those that he hateth. They have no appetite to such things; no pleasure in them; when you have said all of God, and Christ, and Glory, they believe it not, or they savour it not: They are things above their reach and love, yea, things against their carnal minds: You tire them worse than if you talk'd in a strange Language to them, such enmity is in the heart of corrupted man to God and Heaven, till the Grace of the great Reconciler overcome it by a new Life, and Light and Love.
5. And when custom is added to all these vicious dispositions, alas, what slaves and drudges of Satan doth it make them! For instance,
1. Some are so corrupted with the Love of sport, that gaming or Stage-plays, or one such foolery or another, becometh so pleasant to them, that they can understand or believe nothing that is said against it by God or man; their diseased Phantasie hath so conquered reason, that they cannot restrain themselves; but in their callings and in religious Exercises they are weary, and long to be at their sports, and must be gone; neither God, nor Holiness, nor the Joys of Heaven are half so sweet to their thoughts as these are: For they have that mark of misery, 2 Tim. 3 4. They are lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.
The same I say of sinful mirth, and the company which doth cherish it. Little do they believe Solomon, Eccles. 7.2, 3, 4. It is better to go to the House of Mourning, than to go to the House of Feasting: For that is the end of all men, and the living will lay it to his heart. Sorrow is better than Laughter: For by the sadness of the Countenance the Heart is made better: The Heart of the wise is in the House of Mourning, but the Heart of fools is in the House of Mirth. It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the Song of fools: For as the crackling of Thorns under a Pot, so is the Laughter of Fools.
It's true, that Mirth is very desirable to nature: And God is not against it, but much more for it than sinners will believe: But it is a rational Mirth which beseemeth a rational Creature; and such as he can justifie, and as will make him better, and tends to felicity, and everlasting mirth; and not the causeless mirth of mad men, that set their house on fire, and then laugh and sing over it, nor like the mirth of a drunken man, whose shame exposeth him to pitty or derision, nor any such mirth as leadeth a man from God to sin, and keepeth him from the way of man-like and everlasting joy, and prepareth for the greatest sorrows.
2. There are some so enslaved to their Appetites, that their Reason hath no power to rule them; but like bruits they must needs have what the Belly and Throat desire: And if they be the Children of the Rich, who have always full and pleasant food, constant flesh-pleasing, and true Gluttony, is taken for no sin; and like Swine, they do but live to eat, whereas they should but eat to live, and chearfully serve God.
But it's never so dangerous as when it turneth to the love of drink; Then the pleasing of the Throat, & the pleasing of the Brain by mirth going together, do so much corrupt the appetite and fantasie, that their thoughts run after it, and reason hath no power to shut their Mouths, nor keep them from the House of Sin. Some sin against an accusing Conscience, and under their convictions and Terrors do drink on, which yet they could forbear, if they knew there were Poison in the Cup. Some are more miserable, and have sinned themselves into fearedness of Conscience, and past feeling, and perhaps into infidelity, and a blinded mind, persuading them that there is no great harm or danger in the Sin, and that it is but some precise people that make so great a matter of it: And some that have purposes to forsake the sin, when appetite stirs forget it all; and when Company enticeth, and when they see the Cup, they have no power to forbear. O what a pittiful sight it is, to see men in the flower of Youth and Strength, when they should most rejoyce in God and Holiness, to be still thirsty after a forbidden pleasure, and hasting to the Tavern or Alehouse, as a Bird to the snare of the Fowler, and sweetly and greedily swallowing the poisonous Cup which God forbiddeth! And that false Repentance which Conscience and Experience force them to sometimes, is forgotten the next day when the temptation is renewed: Yea, the Throat-madness, and the merry and Belly-Devils are within them a continual temptation, which the miserable slaves cannot resist.
3. And these beastly, fleshly sins, do usually make them weary of their callings, and of any honest labour: The Devil hath by this time got possession of their thoughts, by the byass of Delight and sinful Lust; and they are thinking of Meat, or Drink, or Play, or merry Company, when they should be diligently at work: And so Idleness becomes the nursery of Temptation, and of all their other vice, as well as a constant sin of Omission, and loss of hasty precious time. And custom increaseth the habits, and maketh them good for nothing, and like dead men to all that life is given them for, and only alive to prepare by sin for endless misery.
4. And usually Pride also takes its part, to make the sin of Sodom in them compleat, Ezek. 16.49. Pride, Fulness, and Idleness. They that must be in their jovial Company, must not seem despicable among them, but must be in the mode and fashion, what ever it cost. When they make themselves odious in the sight of God, and the pitty of all wise men, and a terror to themselves, yet they must be some body to their sottish Companions, especially of the Female Sex: Lest the Image of the Devil, and his victory over them should not be perfect, if Pride were left out, how unreasonable soever.
5. And by this time they have (usually here amongst the rich and idle,) a further step towards Hell to go, and yet a deep Gulf to fall into; Fleshly Lust next entangleth them in immodest Converse with Women, and thence into filthy Fornication. The Devil will seldom lose a Soul for want of a temptation: Either he will provide them one abroad among their lewd Companions, or at home some Daughter or servant of the House, where they can oft get opportunity, first for uncivil sights and touches, and then for actual Fornication. And if they have done it once, they are usually like the Bird that's fast in the Lime-twigs: Conscience may struggle, but Lust holds them fast, and the Devil saith, If once may be pardoned, why not twice, and if twice, why not thrice; and so they go on as an Ox to the Slaughter, and a fool to the correction of the Stocks, and know not that it is for their lives. Prov. 7.21, 22, 23. Till they mourn at last (perhaps) when Flesh and Body are consumed, and say, How have I hated Instruction, and my heart despised reproof, and have not obeyed the voice of my Teachers, nor inclined my Ears to them that instructed me? I was almost in all evil, &c. Pro. 5.12, 13, 14. And it's well for the wretches if this Repentance be true and in time, that though the Flesh be destroyed, the Spirit may be saved: For Solomon saith, Prov. 2.18, 19. Her house enclineth to death, and her paths to the dead: None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the paths of Life. God, I doubt not, recovereth some, but the case is dangerous: For though Age and Sickness cure Lust, usually before that the Conscience is seared and debauched, and they being past feeling work Vncleanness with greediness, and forsaking God are so forsaken by him, that all other Sin, Sensuality, and Enmity against a holy life prevaileth against them, and the unclean Devil lets in many more. Most debauched Drunkards, Gluttons and Fornicators are so enslaved to Satan, that they think, say, and do what he would have them, and become the Enemies and Persecutors of those that are against their sin, and the blinded Sodomites go on to grope for the door of Lot, as one that reproveth them, till the Flames of Justice stop the rage.
6. And when all these sins have enslaved sensual Youths, they must have Money to maintain them; and if they have it not of their own, and be not the Sons of great men, that will maintain them in the service of the Flesh, they must steal to get it, which usually is either by thievish borrowing when they cannot pay, or by robbing their Parents or Masters. If all the Masters in London knew what Thieves their Apprentices vices are, for their own sakes they would take greater care to watch over them, and keep them from ill company, Drunkenness and Plays, and would teach them to seek pleasure in good Books, good Company, and serving God. I had not known it my self, if the Confessions and Restitution of many penitent Converts had not made me know it. I thank God that he recovereth any, yea, so many; but I must tell foolish Youth, that Repentance itself, especially when it must have Restitution, is so bitter, that they would prevent that need of it, if they had but the use of reason and foresight. O what heart-tearing Confessions, and sad Letters have I had from many young Apprentices in this City▪ Much adoe to escape utter despair they had, when Conscience was awakened to remember all their sin and danger▪ And when they knew that they must restore, if possible, all that ever they deceived or robbed their Masters or any others of; O what difficulties hath it put them to, both as to the shame of Confession, and the actual Restitution! Some have not Money; and to go and confess the sin and debt, and promise to pay it if ever they are able, seemeth hard, but must be done. Some have rough Masters that will disgrace them when they confess it. Some have Parents that paid dear to set them Apprentices, and would go near to cast them off if they knew their case. Some marry after, and it will grieve their Wives to know what they have been, and how much they must restore. Wisdom might have prevented this; but if the Thorn be got into the Conscience, it must come out, and if the poison be swallowed, it must come up, what gripes soever the Vomit cost. There is no playing with Hell fire, nor jeasting with the Justice of the most Holy God. One penitent review of fleshly Lust, and sinful pleasure, and falshood, and deceit, (though wholsom if true and rimely) will turn it all into Gall and Wormwood▪ For the end of sinful mirth is sorrow.
7. And too many there be that escape the gross and disgraceful part of the foresaid sensuality and unrighteousness, that yet do but choose another Idol, and set themselves wholly to rise in the World, and Riches, Preferment, and Honour have almost all their hearts and care: That have no delight in God and holiness; nor doth the state of their Souls, or the thought of their everlasting state, affect them in any measure, according to its unspeakable weight, nor so much as these shadows which, they pursue. And when great Travellers, that have seen much of the world, and old men, and dying men, that have had all that it can do, are forced by experience to call all Vanity and Vexation, unexperienced Youth, that are taken up with the hopes of long prosperity, and provision for all that the Flesh desireth, have other thoughts of it, and will not know that it is deceitful Vanity, till it hath deceived them of their chiefest Hope and Treasure. And when they have overtaken the Shadow which they pursue so greedily, they find it what others have done before them, the sweeter the more dangerous, and the parting will be the more bitter: Whereas had they sought first Gods Kingdom and its Righteousness, and six days laboured in obedience to God, and referred all corporal Blessings to spiritual uses, and everlasting ends, taking them as from God to serve him by them, they might have had enough as an overplus to their satisfying Treasure.