A Guide to Godliness, Book 3 · Chapter 28
CAP. XXVIII.
Of Chriſtian conferences, which we muſt vſe when we are in company, for our mutuall good.
§. Sect. 1 That our ſpeeches muſt bee gracious and prudent.
AND theſe are the duties which generally concerne our whole conuerſation in company. The ſpeciall duties reſpect either our words and conferences, or our workes and actions; In all our conferences with our brethren wee are to obſerue two things. Firſt, that our ſpeech bee gracious. Secondly, that it be wiſe and prudent. Both which are required by the Apoſtle; Let your ſpeech (ſaith he) be alwayes with grace, ſeaſoned with ſalt, that Col. 4. 6.is, wiſely fitted to the time, perſons, occaſions, and other circumſtances, and vttered prudently in due ſeaſon. Our ſpeech is gracious, when it ſauoureth of grace and goodneſſe, and appeareth to proceed from the Spirit of God dwelling in vsus, as though he vſed our tongues to deliuer by them that which hee ſuggeſteth and inſpireth into vsus; whereby it becommeth gracious and acceptable in the eares of God and all good men. And vntounto this there is required, that it be not onelyonly gracious in it ſelfe, but alſo to all that heare vsus. In it ſelfe it is gracious, when as it is either holy and about ſpirituall and heauenly things, points of diuinity, and religious matters, our ſaluation it ſelfe, or the meanes whereby we may attaine vntounto it; Gods mercies and bleſſings multiplied vponupon vsus, or his iudgements and chaſtizements inflicted for ſinne, and ſuch like; or elſe when as it is honeſt and ciuill, & about the things of this life, appertaining to our temporall profit, or our comfort and delight. Our ſpeech is gracious to the hearers, when as it tendeth to their profit, either in reſpect of their ſoules, or bodies and ſtates. It is profitable for their ſoules, when as it is referred to edification, and to the inriching of them with ſpirituall grace, and the ſtrengthening and inabling them vntounto all Chriſtian and holy duties. VntoUnto which kinde of ſpeech the Apoſtle exhorteth; Let (ſaith he) no corrupt communication Eph. 4. 29.proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good for the vſe of edifying, that it may miniſter grace vntounto the hearers. And againe, Comfort your ſelues together, and edifie one another. The which dutie is diuerſly performed; firſt, by inſtructing thoſe which are ignorant in the knowledge of God and his truth, that ſo ſeeing the way of life and ſaluation, they may walke in it. In which, thoſe eſpecially faile, who like rich miſers barrell and hoord vp the treaſures of knowledge in their owne braines, but enuying their brethren Dan. 12. 3.the vſe of it, will neuer communicate it in their conferences, nor let any be the wiſer by their ſpeeches that come into their company. Secondly, by informing erroneous iudgements, and reducing them out of their errours into the way of truth. The which, the Apoſtle Iames commendeth vntounto vsus as an excellent worke; Brethren (ſaith he) if any of you doe erre from the truth, and one conuert him; let him know, that he who conuerteth a ſinner from Iam. 5. 19, 20.the errour of his way, ſhall ſaue a ſoule from death, and ſhall hide a multitude of ſinnes. Thirdly, by giuing good counſell vntounto thoſe that want it, and prudent aduice how they ſhall carry themſelues in all their courſes, ſo as they may in all particular actions pleaſe God, and preſerue the peace of a good conſcience. Fourthly, by exhorting and pricking thoſe forward whom we ſee ſluggiſh and negligent, and to ſlacken their pace in the wayes of godlineſſe; according to that of the Apoſtle; Exhort one another daily, whileſt it is called to day, leſt any of you be hardened through the deceitfulneſſe of ſinne. Heb. 3. 13.Fifthly, by comforting thoſe that want conſolation, in reſpect of their afflictions, temporall or ſpirituall, inflicted vponupon their body, mind, or ſtate. So the Apoſtle exhorteth vsus to comfort the feeble-minded, and to ſupport the weake; And againe, Comfort your ſelues together, and edifie one another. And 1. Theſ. 5. 14, 11.the Prophet Eſay likewiſe, Strengthen yee the weake hands, and confirme the Eſa. 35. 3. Heb. 12. 12.feeble knees. The which duty was performed by holy Iob, as Eliphaz teſtifieth of him, Thou haſt inſtructed many, and thou haſt ſtrengthened the weake hands: Thy words hauehave vpholden him that was falling, and thou haſt ſtrengthened Iob 4. 4, 5.the feeble knees. And is highly commended by the Prophet as a ſpeciall Eſa. 50. 4.gift of God; The Lord (ſaith he) hath giuen mee the tongue of the learned, that I ſhould know how to ſpeake a word in ſeaſon to him that is weary.
§. Sect. 2 Of Chriſtian admonition, and what is required to the right performing of this duty.
Sixthly, by admoniſhing thoſe who are ready to fall, that wee may vphold them, and ſuch as are already falne through ignorance, frailty, and infirmity, that wee may raiſe them vp againe. And this the Apoſtle requireth; Brethren (ſaith he) if any man be ouertaken in a fault, ye which are ſpirituall, reſtore ſuch an one in the ſpirit of meekeneſſe, conſidering thy ſelfe, leſt thou alſo be tempted. VntoUnto which dutie that it may be well performed, diuers things are required. Firſt, wiſedome and knowledge in him that admoniſheth. So the Apoſtle ſaith of the Romanes; that they were filled with Rom. 15. 14.all knowledge, and able to admoniſh one another. And firſt we muſt know, that the thing whereof we admoniſh our brother, be a ſinne, and not either lawfull, or indifferent and rightly vſed of him. In which the Iſraelites failed, when they ſent to admoniſh the Reubenites about building the Altar, Ioſ 22. 16.and Eli in admoniſhing Anna to put away her drunkenneſſe. Secondly, 1. Sam. 1. 14.we muſt know, that being a ſinne, it is indeed committed by our brother, either vponupon that ſure notice which our ſelues hauehave taken, or by the credible teſtimony of others who are men of credit; and not when wee hauehave a 1. Sam. 2. 22.blinde iealouſie or vngrounded ſuſpition, nor when we hauehave heard it from buſie-bodies and talebearers, who will not ſtand vntounto any thing they ſay; vnleſſe out of louelove and tenderneſſe of his credit, wee ſpeake of it to this end chiefly, that he may the better cleare himſelfe of theſe falſe imputations, or that we may take occaſion to admoniſh him if we finde them true. Thirdly, we muſt hauehave knowledge and wiſedome to doe it after a right manner, with obſeruation of all due cautions and circumſtances. As firſt, we muſt make choyce of a ſeaſonable time, not when our brethren are at their feaſts, and deſirous to be cheerefull and merry; not when they are caſt downe with afflictions, the which themſelues ſufficiently admoniſh, vnleſſe we ſee that they make no vſe of them, nor are brought by them to a ſight of their ſinnes; but rather in their proſperity, when as they thriue in their euill courſes. Not in the company of others, if the fault be ſecret, and not open and ſcandalous; in which caſe alſo Chriſtian wiſedome will finde priuate admonition beſt for many perſons, who out of their greatneſſe and naturall pride, will burſt out into rage and impatiencie, when as in company we take notice of their faults. Eſpecially, we muſt take heed that we doe not admoniſh them of their faults, before thoſe vntounto whom they deſire chiefly to bee approoued, and to maintaine their credit; for this will make them either to deny the fault, or to defend it, or to excuſe and extenuate it; or if they can doe none of theſe, to burſt out into choller, as holding themſelues to be much diſgraced. Neither is admonition ſeaſonable towards others, when they hauehave begun firſt to admoniſh vsus, becauſe it will ſeeme to proceed, not from louelove, but from ſpleene; not from any diſlike of their faults, but too much liking of our owne; not out of a friendly liberty to doe them good by reclaiming them from their ſinne, but out of impatiencie to beare reproofe, which maketh vsus to returne like for like, becauſe we would hauehave both lye vnderunder the ſame guilt; whereas if we take admonition well, and performe the like dutie at another time to our neighbour, it will be imputed to the friendly liberty of louelove, which ſeeketh to reforme the faulty, and not to anger and reuenge, which vpbraideth the like faultineſſe to countenance our owne. Secondly, there is required, that we take fit occaſions to admoniſh; as when our neighbours, either by their words and ſpeeches, or their actions and behauiour doe offer vntounto vsus ſome fit opportunity; for if it come thus by accident, if findeth more eaſie entrance, whereas if we ſeeme to come of purpoſe prepared and armed, it will ſeeme more harſh to them whom wee admoniſh, and but cauſe them to prepare alſo to make reſiſtance. Or when being ſharpely taunted for their faults by their enemies, they are vexed and grieued with their reproches, then may wee take fit occaſion to giuegive them admonition for them, that they may not be lyable to ſuch diſgraces; for this will ſeeme to ſpring out of louelove, which ſeeketh their credit, and will mooue them to take it well, when as we of the poyſon of other mens raylings and reuilings, doe make an antidote by our friendly admonitions, to preſerue them from taking any hurt from them for the time to come. Thirdly, we muſt be carefull in admoniſhing others, that we our ſelues be not guilty of the ſame faults which we taske in them, leſt they pay vsus in our owne coyne, mete vntounto vsus by the ſame meaſure, and bring vsus vnderunder the ſame condemnation. Yea perhaps we may incurre thereby the ſuſpition Matth. 7. 1, 2.of hypocrites, who tell others of their ſinnes to hide our owne, or like ſubtill theeues, raiſe a clamour againſt our neighbours, that wee may the better eſcape in the Hiew and Cry; or of diſliking their perſon more then their ſinne, ſeeing we nouriſh the like in our owne boſome. Or if Chriſtian louelove mooue vsus to admoniſh them in this kinde, becauſe ſuch ſinnes beare more ſway in them then in vsus, being committed by them wilfully and with ſettled reſolution, by vsus through frailty, infirmity, and at vnawares, ſeeing they defend them, and we bewaile them, they cheriſh and nouriſh them, we condemne and labour to mortifie them; we may, being our ſelues faulty in this caſe, admoniſh others: but then it is beſt to preuent their vpbraiding by confeſſing our owne frailty, and by applying our admonition to our ſelues together with them, as thereby ſeeking our mutuall reformation. Fourthly, our admonitions muſt proceed from brotherly louelove, the which being a grace hidden in our hearts, wee muſt make knowne by the fruits of it. To which end we muſt vſe all lenity, meekeneſſe of ſpirit, compaſſion in the ſenſe of the like infirmities in our ſelues, with milde and gentle ſpeeches, ſhewing in our hatred of their ſinne, the louelove of their perſon. And though the party may diſcerne them, yet if we would doe any good, we may not vſe any inſulting ſpeeches, contumelious words, ſcoffes, ſcornes, or byting ieſts; and howſoeuer in ſome caſes for leſſer faults, or when we hauehave to deale with a froward nature, we may ſweeten our admonition, by ſpeaking merrily, and in a pleaſant manner, yet wee muſt take heed that we retaine our grauity, leſt it bee turned into a ieſt, and ſo loſe all its force and efficacy. But eſpecially wee are to take heed that our admonitions doe not appeare to hauehave riſen out of ſelfe-louelove, and reſpect to our owne particular, but out of our louelove of them whom we admoniſh; for if this be but ſuſpected, it will neuer take any place, becauſe wee ſeeke not their good, but our owne. And ſecondly, that they proceed not from anger and choller, which will make it ſeeme a chiding and brawling, rather then an admonition; and an action of rauing, rather then of louelove. In which reſpect, our admonitions will be the more powerfull, when as they hauehave no reference to our ſelues, either of profit or hurt, but rather ſuch as by the faults which we reprooue, accrew vntounto others. Againe, to ſhew our louelove, we are with the notice which we take of their faults, to acknowledge their good parts, and to giuegive them due praiſe for their well-deſeruing. Or if their defects will affoord no ſuch occaſion, wee may intermixe the vertues of their parents or deare friends; both which will ſweeten our admonition, and ſerue like ſugar to take away the diſtaſte of their bitterneſſe. Neither muſt wee bee alwayes beating vponupon one ſtring, nor vſe this ſoueraigne Salue for eueryevery ſlight ſcratch; but vponupon ſome vrgent neceſſitie and waighty occaſion, paſſing by petty matters of ſmall value, as not ſeeing them, or at leaſt reſeruing them, like little pieces of coyne, till they bee come to a ſumme. For to bee ſtill admoniſhing for eueryevery trifle, will make vsus ſeeme curious buſie-bodies and harſh cenſures, to bee voyde of louelove, which maketh vsus paſſe by infirmities, and will cauſe our company to bee tedious and irkeſome, and our admonitions by their frequencie vnreſpected and of no force. Fifthly, if the parties wee admoniſh bee of ſtout ſpirits, and are bold enough to beare it, wee may deale plainely and particularly with them for their ſinnes; but if they hauehave tender foreheads, and are ſo ingenuouſly baſhfull, that they are apt to bee daunted, and put out of countenance, by our taking notice of their faults; it is Chriſtian wiſedome to nouriſh this modeſtie and ſhamefaſteneſſe, ſeeing there is no great danger, that ſuch will bee hardened in their ſinnes. And to this end, it is good to admoniſh them of their faults in other mens perſons, which are alike knowne vntounto them, and to let them ſee the fouleneſſe of their vices, when, like vnpartiall beholders, they take a view of them in other ſubiects. The which courſe alſo is ſometimes good, when it is propounded by way of Parable in another perſon, as when wee hauehave to deale with our ſuperiours (as Nathan with Dauid) or ſuch as will not by plaine and direct dealing bee ſo eaſily conuinced of their ſinnes. Againe, to cheriſh ingenuity, and to preſerue men from boldneſſe and impudency, it is not good in our admonitions to preſſe our reproofes too farre, but to giuegive them ſome little euaſion, that they may not turne againe as deſperate, and flie in our faces. And therefore wee are ſometimes to admit of their excuſes and extenuations; yea, ſometimes our ſelues after a charitable manner, to doe it for them, giuing the beſt interpretation we can, either of the matter or manner of their actions, or their minde in doing them; but in the meane time theſe extenuations and excuſes muſt bee referred to the perſon, but not to the ſinne it ſelfe, which muſt bee mainely beaten downe, euen whileſt wee keepe the party from ſincking vnderunder it. Finally, as with our admonitions wee muſt intermixe louing and kinde ſpeeches; ſo eſpecially our care muſt be, that we alwayes make a friendly concluſion; and not let the admoniſhed depart diſcontented and exaſperated, but ſo winne him by our kinde vſage, that (if it be poſſible) he may depart, as farre in louelove with our perſons, as in hatred of his owne ſinne; like a Patient cured of ſome grieuous wounds, who loueth his skilfull and faithfull Chyrurgion, when the cure is perfected, though hee complained of his rough handling him, when hee was ſearching them to the quicke. But if when wee hauehave done our beſt by admonition, wee cannot reclaime our neighbours from their ſinnes, but that they ſtill wilfully commit them, and continue in them without repentance; then is it our dutie, with due reſpect had to our place and calling, and alſo their perſons and condition, freely to rebuke and reprooue them. And this the Lord commandeth as a teſtimonie of our brotherly louelove; Thou ſhalt not hate thy brother in thy heart; thou ſhalt in any Leuit. 19. 17.wiſe rebuke thy neighbour, and not ſuffer ſinne vponupon him. And our Sauiour Chriſt requireth it as an action that concerneth our ſelues as well as them, ſeeing if wee neglect it when wee hauehave a calling to performe it, wee alſo are acceſſary vntounto their ſinnes. Take heede (ſaith he) to your ſelues: If thy Luke 17. 3.brother treſpaſſe againſt thee, rebuke him, and if he repent, forgiue him. But howſoeuer here more ſeuerity and ſharpeneſſe is to be vſed then in our admonitions, and theſe old feſtered ſores are to bee handled with a rougher hand, then if they were greene wounds, yet we muſt take heede, that louelove ſhine through theſe cloudes of iuſt anger, that it may appeare to the partie reproued, that wee intend the cure, and not to hurt the perſon. To which end all ſcolding and brawling, rayling and reuiling ſpeeches are vtterly to bee auoided, which neuer doe good, but worke in them ſpleene and malice towards them that vſe them, rather then any reformation of their faults, or hatred of their ſinnes.
§. Sect. 3 That wee may lawfully conferre of morall and ciuill things.
And thus we are in cōpany to frame our ſpeeches vponupon all occaſions, that they may tend to the ſpirituall edification of our brethren. But though ſuch conference in companie is to bee performed as moſt excellent, yet may ſuch ſpeeches hauehave their due place, which concerne morall and ciuill things, about any ſubiect which may better and improue our knowledge for the ſeruice of the Church or common wealth, or mutuall good duties to bee performed towards one another; about the health and wel-fare of our bodies, or our common affaires and buſineſſes which we hauehave in the world one with another, and ſuch matters as concerne the good of our eſtates, of which wee may lawfully aduize and take counſell one of another, for the better directing and managing of all our actions and endeuours. Yea ſometime our ſpeeches and conferences may tend to honeſt delight, and to the mutuall comfort and refreſhing of one another, that our ſpirits being cheered and reuiued, wee may bee the better fitted for duties of an higher nature. For howſoeuer it be lawfull ſometimes to vſe ſpeeches tending to our worldly profit and delight, yet let vsus carefully take heede, that wee be not (like moſt men at their meetings) wholly taken vp with them, talking of nothing elſe but of carnall and earthly things; but ſeeing God is the Author and giuer of this excellent faculty of ſpeech, let our tongues bee chiefely imployed (when wee are at our free choyſe, and not ſtraightened in our deſired liberty by our earthly neceſſities that preſſe vponupon vsus) in ſuch conferences as tend to Gods glory, and the mutuall edification one of another; that ſo it may appeare that wee are pilgrims on earth, and Citizens of heauen, when as our conuerſation is about heauenly matters; and that we are free Burgeſſes of the new Ieruſalem, when as we ſpeake the language of Canaan.
§. Sect. 4 That we muſt carefully auoid all corrupt communication.
Much more let vsus carefully auoid in our conferences, the ſpeech of Nehem. 13. 23.Aſhdod, which who ſo vſeth, profeſſing himſelfe an Iſraelite, deſerueth to be curſed, and that there were ſome good Nehemiah to ſmite him with the hand of Iuſtice, and to plucke off his hayre. As all hurtfull ſpeech, which tendeth to Gods diſhonour, ſwearing, blaſpheming, curſing, and ſuch as ſauoureth of irreligion, profaneneſſe and Atheiſme; or to the deſtruction of our owne and neighbours ſoules, for which Chriſt died; as 1. Cor. 15. 33. Eph. 4. 29. Eph. 5. 4.all euill words which corrupt good manners; all filthy communication and rotten ſpeech, which infecteth and poyſoneth the hearers; all ſcurrility, vnſauorie and obſcene ieſts; all ſcoffes and bitter frumps, ſcornefull taunts and ſpitefull ieſts, impeaching the credit and reputation of our neighbours, which proceede, for the moſt part, from an affectation of the praiſe of wit, and ſo farre bewitch men, that they are ready (as wee ſay) to loſe their friend rather then their ieſt, and ſo fooliſhly to exchange a precious iewell, for a trifling bable. And hereunto we may adde all ſpeeches directly contrary vntounto thoſe that tend to edification; as ſuch as tend to the corrupting of the iudgement of our neighbours, and to the leading of them into error, euill counſaile, and all ſuch as diſcourage them in the waies of Godlineſſe. Such as grieue the afflicted ſpirit, and make him to ſinke vnderunder his burthen; ſuch as incourage men vntounto ſinne, and countenance thoſe, who are fearefull and baſhfull, in wicked courſes, or which hinder thoſe that are falne, from riſing againe, and turning vntounto God by true repentance. And as wee are to auoide in all our conferences theſe hurtfull and pernicious ſpeeches, ſo alſo ſuch as are vaine and vnprofitable, as not attaining vntounto our chiefe endes, the glory of God, and our own and our neighbours good; in which notwithſtanding the moſt men ſpend their time, and as the Pſalmiſt complaineth, ſpeake vanity eueryevery one Pſal. 12 2.with his neighbour; thinking themſelues ſufficiently excuſed, becauſe they ſay no hurt. But ſuch forget in the meane time, that the Wiſe man prayeth againſt this vanity, that the Apoſtle doth forbid and condemne it; and Pro. 30 8. Tit 3. 9.that our Sauiour Chriſt at the day of Iudgement will call into account Matth. 12. 36.not onelyonly ſuch ſpeeches as are hurtful, but ſuch alſo as are idle and vnprofitable.