A Guide to Godliness, Book 3 · Chapter 27
CAP. XXVII.
What duties wee ought to performe when wee are in company.
§. Sect. 1 That ciuill conuerſation excelleth ſolitarineſſe.
BVt howſoeuer there is a fit time for ſolitarineſſe, vvhere in the former duties belonging to it, are to be practiſed of vsus; yet we are not chiefly to affect it, much leſſe to put ſuch perfection in it, as to deuote our liues wholly vntounto it, contemning and ſhunning all ciuill conuerſation, and all entercourſe and dealings with one another; but leauing vntounto it due place; and deſerued commendation if it bee ſeaſonable, we are, if they come in compariſon, generally, both in reſpect of perſons and times, to preferre ciuill conuerſation before ſolitarineſſe, and a life taken vp in vertuous action, before that which is ſpent in bare theorie and contemplations. For God is more glorified, the Kingdome of Chriſt aduanced and inlarged, the good both of Church and Common wealth with all the members of them, both more furthered and increaſed, and our owne preſent comfort and future ioyes in our heauenly happineſſe, much more multiplied and augmented, when by our Chriſtian conuerſation and vertuous actions, our holy profeſſion and good example, our admonitions, exhortations, counſayle, conſolation; our workes of iuſtice, charity and mercy, and all other good offices mutually performed, we edifie and build vp thoſe which are about vsus, in their moſt holy faith, and draw many others to accompany vsus vntounto the Kingdome of heauen; then in the ſtricteſt courſe of a ſolitary life, to goe by our ſelues alone vntounto this place of happineſſe. And this the Lord hath ratified by his Word, when as he ſaid, that it was not good for man to Gen. 2. 18.bee alone: and two are better then one, becauſe they hauehave a good reward for their labour, (namely, in that mutuall ſociety, and in thoſe good offices of piety and Chriſtian charity which they performe to one another) for if they Eccl. 4. 9, 10.fall, one will lift vp his fellow, but woe to him that is alone when he falleth: for hee hath not another to helpe him vp. And the Apoſtle layeth it as a charge vponupon all men, that they ſhould conſider and watch ouer one Heb. 10. 24, 25.another, to prouoke vntounto louelove and to good workes, not forſaking the aſſembling of our ſelues together, as the manner of ſome is, but exhorting one another, &c. The which alſo is commended vntounto vsus by his workes both of creation and renouation; For he hath made vsus in our natures, not like vntounto wilde beaſts, who take their pleaſure to lurke alone in their dennes, but politicall and ſociable creatures, who take all their chiefe ioy and and comfort in conuerſing with one another; and ſo in his wiſe prouidence hee hath diſpoſed of vsus, that we ſhould not bee abſolute, and able to liue of our ſelues, but neede the mutuall helpe one of another, ſo that the King needeth the ſubiect, as much as the ſubiect the King; the rich the helpe of the poore, as well as the poore the hire of the rich; the city the countrey, as well as the countrey the city; and ſo hath hee combined and linked all men together into ſocieties, as it were particular members of the ſame bodies, and hath ſo furniſhed them with diuerſity of gifts and ſeuerall abilities vntounto ſundry offices, that no ſort of men can bee wanting without a maime, nor any part vtterly pulled from the whole, but that hee muſt neceſſarily become a dead and vnprofitable member, and worke his owne ruine by this divulſion and ſeparation. So in our renouation wee are as it were anew created into one body, whereof Chriſt Ieſus is the Head; and as diuers members, hauehave our ſeuerall functions and offices allotted vntounto vsus, which are not onelyonly for our peculiar vſe, but for the good of the whole body, and of eueryevery other of our fellow members, as the Apoſtle excellently ſheweth in his firſt Epiſtle to the Corinthians. So as none are ſo perfect in themſelues, that they neede not their fellowes, that there might not bee any ſchiſme in the body, 1. Cor. 12. 1.but that the members ſhould hauehave the ſame care one for another, and that they Verſ. 15. 25, 26.might both ſuffer together and reioyce together. Of which ſweete ſociety ſingular benefits redound to the whole body, and to all the particular members of it; for they are linked together by the ſame Spirit, and in the bond of louelove, performing all mutuall offices of Chriſtian charity which may aduance their good. They communicate in the ſame bleſſings, and reioycing in one anothers good, hauehave according to their number their ioyes redoubled; in their troubles and afflictions they alſo communicate in one anothers griefe, eueryevery one comforting his fellovv, and making the burthen much more light, by compaſſion and fellovv-feeling, and by bearing of it vponupon many ſhoulders. Finally, they ſtirre vp Gods graces in one another, both by word and good example, helping to remooue impediments that lye in the way; and exhorting one another to cheerefulneſſe in their iourney, they haſten their ſpeed towards the Kingdome of heauen.
§. Sect. 2 That we muſt not raſhly ruſh into all companies, but with good choyce and aduice; and alſo with due preparation.
Now if any of theſe benefits bee wanting in ſocieties, or the contrary euils fall out through this conuerſation and mutuall conuerſing one with another, the fault is not in the things themſelues, but in their ſinfull corruptions, vvho peruert them from their firſt inſtitution, and groſly abuſe them to ill ends. For as it is generally obſerued, that the more any thing excelleth in excellency, the greater is the difficultie in attaining vntounto it; and the greateſt benefits in temporall things, are moſt lyable vntounto abuſe; ſo cannot it bee denyed, but that it is much more hard to attaine vntounto the right vſe of ſociety then of ſolitarineſſe; and lamentable experience teacheth vsus, that thoſe who make conſcience of their vvayes, and deſire to carry themſelues in all places as in Gods preſence, doe more often forget him and their duty when they are in company, then when they are alone, and fall into many more errours and ſinnes, becauſe they hauehave more occaſions, and doe lye open vntounto many tentations of the world, if they doe not make the better choyce of their companions, or at leaſt, keepe not a ſtrict watch ouer their words and wayes, that they bee not ouertaken. In which regard, it is neceſſary vntounto this Treatiſe of a godly life, that wee ſet downe ſome directions, which may ſerue to guide vsus in our courſe when we conuerſe vvith others. And theſe either generally reſpect the duties that concerne ſociety vvith all men, or more ſpecially thoſe vvhichwhich belong to our ovvne families. The duties that concerne ſociety vvithall, either reſpect our preparation before wee goe into company, or bee ſuch as wee ought to perfome when wee are come into it. The firſt generall dutie in our preparation, is, that vvee doe not raſhly ruſh into all companies; but ſeeing there are amongſt men many more bad, by vvhoſe ſociety vvee may be made much vvorſe, then good, by vvhom vvee may in our conuerſing vvith them, receiue much fruit and benefit, that therefore before vve reſort vntounto them, vvee make carefull choyce of ſuch, as may either in all likelihood doe vsus good, or at leaſt receiue ſome good from vsus. And becauſe we are often miſtaken in our choyce, not knowing the courſe and conuerſation, and much leſſe the hearts and affections of men, before we hauehave had ſome tryall of them, therfore it is fit that we pray vntounto God, that he will direct vsus in our choice, and make our meeting and ſociety profitable for the aduancing of his glory and our good. The which is to be vnderſtood, when as we are free, and left to the choice of our companions, and not when they are put vponupon vsus, or we vponupon them, by ſome vrgent neceſſity, the duties of our calling, ſome waighty buſineſſe or other vnlooked for accident. Secondly, let vsus pray alſo vntounto God, that hee will by his grace and holy Spirit ſo aſſiſt vsus, as that our meeting & ſociety may tend to the aduancement of his glory, & good one of another. Thirdly, ſeeing the enemy of our ſaluation doth in all places lay ſo many nets and ſnares to intrap vsus, and eſpecially in our companie, if it be not well choſen, whereby it commeth to paſſe, that we are often caught at vnawares, and depart away worſe then when we came into it; therefore we muſt reſolue beforehand, that wee will arme our ſelues againſt all theſe dangers, and keepe a narrow watch, that wee be not enſnared or ouercome of any euill. Fourthly, we muſt not propound this as the end of our ſociety, to paſſe away the time with leſſe tediouſneſſe, or to delight our fleſh with carnall pleaſure, but goe into it with this reſolution, that we will doe our beſt indeuour, either to receiue ſome good thereby, eſpecially to our ſoules, by gayning more wiſdome and knowledge, or better our deſires and affections, or more power and cheerefulneſſe in the ſeruice of God, and in the performance of all Chriſtian duties; or to doe ſome good vntounto thoſe who conſort with vsus, by our words, examples and actions, either by keeping them from ſinne when they are ready to fall into it, and pulling them (as the Apoſtle Iude ſpeaketh) like firebrands out of the fire; Iude verſ. 23.or inſtructing them that erre from the truth, in the right way, or performing vntounto them ſome other Chriſtian dutie which may further their ſaluation, either as a meanes of their conuerſion, whereby they may bee Ʋerſ. 20.gained vntounto Chriſt, or for their further building in their moſt holy faith; the which we are chiefly to intend as an excellent worke: for hee that conuerteth Jam. 5. 20.a ſinner from the error of his way, ſhall ſaue a ſoule from death, and hide a multitude of ſinnes, as the Apoſtle Iames ſpeaketh. And if wee be not thus reſolued before wee come into companie, but rather goe with a purpoſe to fit our ſelues to eueryevery bodies humour, and rather to pleaſe then to profit either them or our ſelues (like reedes that will bend with eueryevery breath; or writing tables, which being newly made cleane, are fit to receiue any impreſſion of good or euill) it were much better to refraine companie and to be alone, ſeeing there is more danger of hurt, then hope of being made ere a whit the better. Finally, wee muſt be no more carefull in putting off our rags and old clothes, & in making our ſelues handſome, in our outward habit and attire, before we goe into reſpected company, then in putting off and caſting from vsus turbulent paſſions and diſorderly affections; and in decking and adorning our ſelues with the contrary graces of Gods Spirit. As for example, wee muſt ſubdue our pride, which maketh all meetings vnprofitable, by ſtirring vp heart-burnings and contention amongſt men, either about preeminence and precedency, or when they are croſſed in their proud humours and conceits; ſo alſo our wrath and frowardneſſe of nature, which is prouoked with eueryevery ſmall occaſion, enuy towards ſuperiours, and diſdayne towards our inferiours. And contrariwiſe, we muſt put on brotherly louelove, which is the beſt ornament to fit vsus for Chriſtian ſociety, as freeing vsus from many corruptions which make company vnprofitable, and inabling vsus vntounto many duties which are neceſſary vntounto it; For charity ſuffereth long, and is kinde, enuieth not, vaunteth not it ſelfe, is not puffed vp, doth not behaue it ſelfe vnſeemely, 1. Cor. 13. 4, 5, 6, 7.ſeeketh not her owne, is not eaſily prouoked, thinketh no euill, reioyceth not in iniquity, but reioyceth in the truth; beareth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. And with it wee muſt put on the Spirit of meekeneſſe and patience, which will enable vsus to put vp iniuries, and to paſſe by offences, and to beare with the infirmities of our brethren, till by ſome good meanes they may bee amended; the Spirit of humility, which will make vsus to deny our ſelues, our owne wills and obſtinate conceits, and to thinke better of the good parts of our brethren then our owne; candidous and ingenuous ſimplicity, whereby we are apt to interprete the words and actions of our brethren in the beſt ſence, and euen to ſeaſon them, if they be ſomewhat ſowre or bitter, with the ſweetneſſe of our nature and diſpoſition.
§. Sect. 3 That our whole carriage and conuerſation muſt be religious, ciuill and honeſt.
And thus we are to prepare our ſelues before we goe into company, if we deſire to profit by it. Now after we are come into it, diuers duties are to be performed of vsus; ſome whereof generally concerne our whole conuerſation, and ſome more ſpecially reſpect our workes and words. Generally there is required, that our carriage and conuerſation bee holy and religious in reſpect of ſpirituall things; and ciuill and honeſt in reſpect of the things of this life. And firſt, that chiefely ayming at Gods glory and our owne ſaluation, wee labour by all meanes to aduance them, and ſhunne all occaſions in our whole conuerſation, whereby they may bee any waies impeached and hindred. Secondly, that wee be innocent and vnblameable in all our words and actions, and giuegive no ill example, ſcandall or offence vntounto any that keepe companie with vsus, but ſhine before them in our faith and holy profeſſion, and in the light of a godly life, that ſo they ſeeing our good workes, may glorifie our heauenly Father, and by our holy example may be gayned vntounto Chriſt. So the Apoſtle exhorteth Matth. 5. 16.vsus to abſtaine, not onelyonly from all euill, but alſo from all appearance of 1 Pet▪ 2. 12.it, propounding himſelfe an example of it vntounto the Theſſalonians for their imitation. Ye are witneſſes, ſaith he, and God alſo, how holily, and iuſtly, and 1. Theſ. 2. 10.vnblameably we hauehave behaued our ſelues among them that beleeue; for whom hee alſo prayeth, that their whole ſpirit and body might be preſerued blameleſſe 1. Theſ. 5. 22, 23.vntounto the comming of our Lord Ieſus Christ. Thirdly, wee muſt bee iuſt and righteous in all our conuerſation, obſeruing truth in our words, and equitie in our actions, giuing vntounto eueryevery one their due, and dealing with others as wee would hauehave them to deale with vsus; which is a mayne bond of all good ſociety, and maketh it to hold together with peace and comfort. And thus the Apoſtle exhorteth the Philippians to imbrace, whatſoeuer Phil. 4. 8, 9.things are true, honest, iust, pure, louely, and of good report, vertuous and praiſe-worthy; and then the God of peace would dwell with them: And telleth vsus, that they, vntounto whom the grace of God bringing ſaluation, hath appeared, are thereby taught not onelyonly to liue holily towards God, and ſoberly Tit. 2. 12. & 1. 8.towards themſelues, but alſo righteouſly towards all that conuerſe with them. Fourthly, we muſt be feruent in louelove towards thoſe with whom we conſort, which will make vsus ready to performe all other duties vntounto them, according to that of the Apoſtle, Owe no man any thing, but to louelove one another: for he that loueth another, hath fulfilled the Law. LoueLove worketh no ill to his Rom. 13. 8, 10. Col. 3. 14.neighbour, &c. And this louelove will vnite vsus together, for it is the bond of perfection, or a moſt perfect bond, which knitteth vsus together one with another. Fifthly, As we are of the ſame company, ſo wee muſt labour to 1. Pet. 3. 8.be of the ſame minde, and to minde the ſame things, and to bee of the Rom. 12. 15. Phil. 3. 16.ſame affections, reioycing with them that reioyce, and weeping with them that weepe, and to walke by the ſame rule, as the Apoſtle ſpeaketh, ſo farre foorth as will ſtand with truth and iuſtice. For if our bodies be vnited by ſociety, our minds and hearts being diſioyned and diſioynted, wee ſhall bee but tyed together like Samſons Foxes by the tailes, with firebrands betweene them; and looking with our faces a contrary way, ſhall hinder one another in all good proceedings. Sixthly, we muſt not carry our ſelues proudly towards one another, nor being wiſe in our owne conceits, mind high things; Rom. 12. 16.for this will make vsus ſo ſtiffe in our opinions, that we will not bow vntounto any mans iudgement, but rather breake off all friendſhip and ſociety about eueryevery trifle, then we will ſeeme to take the leaſt foyle. But contrariwiſe, we muſt be of humble mindes and meeke ſpirits towards one another, condeſcending to men euen of low eſtate, in matters of truth, and things indifferent and of ſmall waight, or diſſenting from them in louelove, and after a meeke and peaceable manner. Finally, wee muſt bee patient and peaceable in all our conuerſation, and be much more ready to beare, then offer iniuries, according to the Apoſtles rule; Recompence vntounto no man euill for Rom. 12. 17, 21.euill. Prouide things honeſt in the ſight of all men. Bee not ouercome of euill, but ouercome euill with good. To which end wee muſt (as elſewhere hee exhorteth vsus) Put on (as the elect of God, holy and beloued) bowels of mercies, kindneſſe, Col. 3. 12, 13.humbleneſſe of minde, meekeneſſe, long-ſuffering; forbearing one another, and forgiuing one another, if any man hauehave a quarrell againſt any, euen as Chriſt forgaue vsus.
§. Sect. 4 How we muſt carry our ſelues in the company of thoſe which are worldly and wicked.
And this ought to be our conuerſation when we come in company with our brethren. But what if by accident, or by our neceſſary occaſions, wee Mat. 10. 33.fall into the company of meere worldlings, and ſuch as are irreligious and prophane? Surely we are not to caſt off the cloake of our profeſſion, and the badge and cognizance of vertuous and religious behauiour, as though we were aſhamed of our Maſter; for if we thus deny him before men, he alſo will deny vsus before his Father which is in heauen. And much leſſe ought we to approue and applaude them in their wicked courſes, or becauſe we would not diſpleaſe them, & indure their reproches & diſgracefull taunts for our profeſſion and practice of Religion, countenance their ribauldry, ſwearing, and profane ieſts, with our ſmiles, or ioyne in the ſame graceleſſe courſes, running together with them into the ſame exceſſe of riot, that they may 1. Pet. 4. 4.not ſpeake euil of vsus. But ſo long as we are in their company, we muſt labor by all meanes to reclaime them, and to gaine them to Chriſt; out-countenancing their leuity and profaneneſſe, by our grauity and piety ſhining in our words, countenance, and conuerſation. And firſt our care muſt bee, that in all our carriage we be vnblameable, although their malice will not allow vsus as commendable. So the Apoſtle exhorteth vsus to doe all good duties without murmuring and diſputings, that we may be blameleſſe and harmeleſſe, Phil. 2. 15.the ſonnes of God without rebuke, in the middeſt of a crooked and peruerſe nation, among whom we ſhould ſhine as lights in the world. Heerein indeede like the Sunne, which though wicked men may at ſome times hate, becauſe it diſcouereth their workes of darkeneſſe, yet are they ſo conuinced with its beauty and excellency, that they cannot for ſhame ſpeake againſt it. Thus alſo he exhorteth Titus, to ſhew himſelfe in all things a patterne of good Tit. 2. 7, 8.workes; in doctrine ſhewing vncorruptneſſe, grauity, ſincerity, ſound ſpeach that cannot be condemned, that he who is of the contrary part, may bee aſhamed, hauing no euill to ſay of him. And thus the Apoſtle Peter perſwadeth vsus, not onelyonly to ſanctifie the Lord in our hearts, but alſo to make profeſſion of the hope that is in vsus, vponupon all good occaſions; hauing a good conſcience, that 1. Pet. 3. 15, 16.whereas they who ſpeake euill of vsus, as of euill doers, they may bee aſhamed that falſly accuſe our good conuerſation in Chriſt. Secondly, it is not enough that we be vnblameable in our cōuerſation, and without the ſpots & blemiſhes of knowne ſins, but we muſt alſo walke worthy our high calling, and adorne Eph. 4. 1.our profeſſion by our practice of holineſſe and righteouſneſſe, that ſo wee may not only ſtop their mouthes, but alſo (if it be poſſible) may be meanes of their conuerſion, when they ſhall ſee the light of our holy conuerſation. So our Sauiour requireth of vsus, that our lights ſhould ſhine ſo before men, that they, ſeeing our good workes, may glorifie our Father which is in heauen. Matth. 5. 16.And the Apoſtle Peter exhorteth Chriſtians to abſtaine from fleſhly luſts, 1. Pet. 2. 11, 12.and to hauehave their conuerſation honeſt among the Gentiles, that whereas they ſpake againſt them as euill doers, they might, by their good workes which they ſhould behold, glorifie God in the day of viſitation. And though wee cannot bring forth alike fruits of piety, when we are in company with them that will not ioyne with vsus in holy exerciſes, yet at leaſt let vsus not neglect ciuility and morality, & as the Apoſtle ſpeaketh, prouide things honeſt in the ſight of Rom. 12. 17.all men. Thirdly, though they will not be reclaimed, neither by our words nor example, yet we muſt not for this mingle ſpleene and choller with our zeale, but carry our ſelues in all meekeneſſe and mildneſſe, patience and forbearance; and though wee cannot by all our indeuours vnite them vntounto vsus in the bonds of louelove; yet let vsus by all good meanes mooue them to keepe the peace, and binde them to their good behauiour whileſt they are in our company; aſſuring our ſelues, that if meekeneſſe and louelove ioyned with ſtrong reaſons and good perſwaſions, will not preuaile with them, then much leſſe will rough words and chollericke ſpeeches: for heere the Apoſtle Iames ſaying is fitly verified; The wrath of man doth not accompliſh Iam. 1. 20.the righteouſneſſe of God. And this the Apoſtle preſſeth with great vehemency; If it be poſsible (ſaith he) as much as in you lyeth, liue peaceably with Rom. 12. 18.all men. But yet we muſt not be ſo zealous of peace, that we doe cowardly betray the truth, nor for peace ſake forgoe our owne piety; For wee muſt ſo follow peace with all men, as that we follow holineſſe alſo, without which no Hab. 12. 14.man ſhall ſee the Lord; or hereby loſe any opportunity of furthering our neighbours ſaluation. For we muſt, by the Apoſtles direction, ſo follow Rom. 14. 19.after the things which make for peace, as that wee by no meanes neglect the things whereby one may edifie another. And therefore if thoſe with whom we conuerſe, be not deſperate ſinners, and more likely to hurt vsus for our good will, then to receiue any good to themſelues by our reproofes, we may admoniſh and rebuke them in the ſpirit of meekeneſſe and louelove for their ſinnes, that we may reclaime them, or at leaſt, if they be ſuch as in Chriſtian prudence we may not make ſo bold with them, yet at leaſt, let vsus ſhew our diſlike, when wee ſee God diſhonoured by our countenance or ſome other ſignes, that wee doe not become acceſſaries to their wickedneſſe. Neither let any man account it Chriſtian meekeneſſe and patience to ſit by and ſay nothing, when Gods holy Name is prophaned, Religion ſcorned, and the banners of wickedneſſe diſplayed, ſeeing the Angel of the Church of Epheſus, which was ſo much commended for patience, had alſo this praiſe annexed, that he could not beare with them which were euill. And Apoc. 2. 2.therefore it is no patience, when we let men goe on in their wickedneſſe, and giuegive them neither by word nor countenance, any ſigne of our diſlike, but want of zeale and Chriſtian courage, yea daſtardly cowardize and too much louelove of the world, which maketh vsus more carefull to pleaſe men then God himſelfe. Finally, we muſt not by ſuch wicked company bee out-countenanced in any good, nor be mooued to neglect any Chriſtian duty, which preſent occaſion maketh neceſſary. For if they be not aſhamed to ſerue the deuill by their profeſſed wickednes; let vsus not be aſhamed to ſerue our gracious God, by performing ſuch duties as he requireth of vsus; If they with all boldneſſe glory in their prophaneneſſe; let not vsus bee baſhfull in the profeſſion and practice of religious and pious actions: But as the Apoſtle Paul gaue thankes, and bleſſed the creatures in the middeſt Act. 27. 35.of Infidels, before he would feede on them; ſo let vsus with like boldneſſe vſe good communication, reade the Scriptures, ſing Pſalmes, & performe all other Chriſtian duties, notwithſtanding that prophane men bee in the company. Seeing thereby we ſhall keepe a good conſcience before God and men, and may, if God giuegive a bleſſing to theſe holy exerciſes, not onelyonly edifie thoſe who are alike minded with vsus, but alſo gaine them likewiſe vntounto vsus, by our good example, who are as yet otherwiſe diſpoſed. By all which good duties if we preuaile nothing at all, our beſt courſe will be, as ſoone as wee can, to quit our ſelues of ſuch company, and more carefully afterwards make choyce of better. For conſorting with ſuch companions longer then we neede, indangereth vsus to be tainted and corrupted with their euill manners: and if we continue with ſuch as we can by no good meanes make better, we are in great hazzard to be made worſe, as hereafter we ſhall more fully ſhew.