An Exposition Upon Colossians, Biblical commentary 3 · Chapter 3 · Verse 20
Verse. 20.
Children, obey your Parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
The exhortation hath in it two things. First, their duty. Secondly, the reason of it. Their duty hath in it foure things. First, who are charged (children) Secondly, what is charged vponupon them, (Obey). Thirdly, to whom they owe it (your Parents). Fourthly, the extent how farre foorth (in all things). The reason is, because though it were not gratefull and pleasing to the parents by reason of their waywardnesse, yet it is well pleasing to God.
Children] viz: All children, without difference of sexe, both sonnes and daughters, or of age, not onelyonly infants, but children growne and of riper and full yeares of condition; the children both of poore and rich.
Obey] The obedience of Children must be considered.
More specially at some times, and so they must obey.
1 In the choise of their callings.The obedience of children considered of, more especially or more generally.
2 In the election and disposing of their marriages, it must be with consent of parents, Thus did Isaac, Genesis 24. Thus euen Ismael, Genesis 21.21. Thus Iakob. Genesis 27.46. and 28.9. Thus Sampson, Iudges 14.2. And this power hath eueryevery Father ouer his Virgin, 1. Cor. 7.36.37.
More generally heere I consider. 1. That they must obey not in some things, at some times, but alwaies throughout the course of their liues, this is plaine heere, and likewise charged, Ephes. 6.2.
2. How they must obey, children must performe obedience.
1. With reuerence internall, and externall, internally they must conceiue a holy estimation, and tendernesse of respect, and honour and obseruance of their parents. And externally they must shew it by all reuerent behauiour, as by rising vp before them, by giuing them the honour to speake first, &c.
2. With readinesse to receiue and heare instruction, Pro. 1.8.
3. With endeuour to fulfill their desires, by their labours or otherwise.
4. With submission, first to their rebukes, Prou. 13.1. secondly, to their restraints in diet, apparell, recreations, &c. thirdly, to their corrections.
5. With piety, praying for them; for if they must do it for all men, much more for them, and if for all in authority then for parents, 1. Tim. 2.1.
6. With all meekenesse of louelove shewed three waies.
1 By obeying, without inquiring, discoursing, murmuring or contending.
2 By bearing their infirmities, either of body, age or mind, obey though aged, diseased, crabbed, &c.
3 Obeying without respect of profit, some children are obsequious, so long as any thing is to be had from their parents, but when they hauehave all they must hauehave, then their forwardnesse to please is neglected: this is a base and mercenary obedience.
7 With all thankefulnesse and gratitude, a great part of which is to recompence their Parents kindnesse, by releeuing their wants, if they fall into wants. 1 Tim. 5▪4.
Your Parents] Viz: Both your parents, not your father onelyonly, but your mother also, Leuit. 19.3. Prou. 15.20.
In all things] Quest: But must they be obeied in sinne.
Answ: No, you must so obey your earthly Father, as you disobey not your heauenly Father, therefore in the Lord is added, Ephes. 6.1. But else we must obey in all things, that are not apparant to be sinfull, though against our ease, profit, credit, &c.
Or more plainely thus, All things are of three sorts: First, some things are simply good, this must be done though the Parents forbid, because God commands. Secondly, some things are simply euill, these things must not bee done, though Parents command, because God forbids. Thirdly, some things are indifferent, in these children must obey, though their Parents require things neuer so vnmeete, for things may bee vnmeete that are not vnlawfull.
Thus of the Doctrine of their obedience.
Childrens obiection answered.Against this Doctrine children obiect many things.
Obiect: 1 I am now in better estate, in higher place, of better gifts, or such like, then my Parents.
Answ: This is no reason to withhold obedience and reuerence, for Ioseph was a Prince in Aegypt, and Iacob in great want; Salomon sits in his throne of Maiestie, and yet when his Mother comes to him, hee yeelded all reuerence, the throne did not make her cease to bee a Mother: yea, our Sauiour Christ infinitely excelled his Parents, and yet he was subiect vntounto them. Luk. 1.51.
Obiect: But our Sauiour saith, call not men Father on earth▪ Mat. 23.9.
Answ: The words are not to be vnderstood simply but comparatiuely, and that, either to God, or to the Pharisies, call no man Father as thou callest God Father: but so giuegive titles to men, as all honour and sacred estimation of Gods Fatherly care be preserued, and call no man Father, as the Pharisies ambitiously desire to bee called; giuegive not trust and childlike honour to men of what profession soeuer, that you should onelyonly trust in them, and by performing honour, or obedience, or recompence to them, grow carelesse of the duties you owe to your own parents, as the Pharisies taught, Mat. 15.5.
Obiect: But my Parents require base things, and such as cast a kinde of discredit vponupon me in the world.
Answ: Consider not the things required, but Gods ordination, besides God the Father required of Christ to beare the Crosse, spitting in the face, &c. yet he willingly obeied.
Obiect: But my Parents are disordered persons, and foolish, &c.
Answ: Pray for them, but despise them nor, besides God knowes what is good for thee, and therefore hath caused them to come out of the loines of such Parents, and required subiection of thee.
Obiect: They are not my naturall Parents, but my step-father or step-mother.
Answ: Yet they must be obeied, so Ruth obeyed Naomi, and Moses, Iethro: Exod. 18.19.
Obiect: They are not Parents at all, but my kindred onelyonly as my vncle, aunt, &c. with whom I am left in trust.
Answ: Thou must be ruled by them, so was Hester by Mordechai.
Vse. This condemnes the doctrine and practise of Papists, that defend the vowes of solitarie and single life of children without consent of parents; and it meets with the doctrine of the Pharisies that would dispense with childrens releeuing of their Parents, so they would bestow it vponupon them. Mat. 15.
2 This may serue for reproofe of stubborne and vngracious children that forsake their Parents instruction, Prou. 1.8. but especially such monsters as despise their Parents when they are old, or mocke them, or curse them, or chase them, or robbe them, &c. the cursed estate of such children is set down in these Scriptures: Prou. 15.20. and 19.26. and 23.22. and 20.20. and 28.24. and 30.11.17.
Thus of the dutie, the reason followes
There are many reasons why they should obey.
1 Children hauehave their substance from them,Reasons why children should obey their parents. euen their life and their education, their Parents then tooke care of them when they had no ragge to couer their nakednesse, no morsell to put into their mouthes, and what can children render equiualent heereunto?
2 Christ himselfe was obedient to his Parents, Luk. 2.51.
3 This is the purity and vprightnesse of children, and hereby they must be tried, and tried whether their worke be pure, Prou. 20.11.
4 The consideration of Gods iudgements vponupon wicked children should much moue, such as were Cham, Esau, Absolon, Abimelech, &c.
5 If thou obey not thy Parents, thou maiest liue to bee requited by thy children.
6 In the sixth of Ephes. 1.2.3.4. There are many reasons why children should obey.
First, it is in the Lord, that is, their obedience is both commanded by God, and it is for God, and besides it is no further vrged then as may stand with faith and pietie to the Lord.
Secondly, this is right, it is children iustice.
Thirdly, this commandement that requires this, is the first commandement with promise, for this had a promise in the verie first promulgation of it in the Tables, written by the finger of God, whereas all the rest had their promises annexed afterwards by the ministrie of Moses.
Obiect: But the second Commandement had promise in the first promulgation of the Law.
Answ: Some answer the words of the second Commandement are a proposition, not a promise, but this answer satisfieth not. Some say the promises mentioned in that commandement, belong to the whole Law, and not to that Commandement alone; but I thinke the plainest answere is: the fift Commandement is the first Commandement with promise, viz: in the second Table. A fourth reason is, children must obey, for so it shall goe well with them; they shall get good and contentment, and Gods grace and blessing by so doing. Fifthly, they shall liue long on earth to enioy the blessing of God.
Obiect: Wicked children liue long.
Answ: Their life is a death, and it is not well with them: Esay 65.20.
Obiect: Gods children doe not liue long.
Answ: For the most part they doe. 2 I say, if God performe not this promise absolutely in the letter, yet he performes this blessing by commutation into a better, as when he giues them eternall life for long life.
But the reason why children should obey is heere mentioned in the Text.
It is well pleasing to the Lord:] Some leaue out (to the Lord) and so the argument is more generall, for obedience is exceeding pleasing to their Parents, Prou. 10.1. and 15.20. and 19.13. and 13.16. and besides it is pleasing to God, but I see no reason to leaue out the words.
Some render (foreign) in the Lord, and so heere is; First, a limitation, they must obey, but in the Lord. Secondly, they must obey, not because nature and ciuilitie requires it, but for conscience sake, as Gods institution.
But I take it as it is heere rendered, to the Lord.
Well-pleasing to the Lord] From the consideration of these words, I obserue foure things.
First, that it is not enough to serue God, but we must so serue as wee please him. Heb. 12.28.
Secondly that there is a way how to please God euen in Family duties, and these externall and ordinarie things at home, and this serues; First, to shew Gods great louelove to man, in that hee frames himselfe to mens condition, and likes what may like them, will be pleased himselfe with what pleaseth them: obedience and seruice to men he accounts a seruice to himselfe. Secondly, it is a great incouragement to diligence▪ and conscience in these Familie duties, in as much as they will not onelyonly please man, but God. Thirdly, it reproues hypocrites, that care to be good no where but in Gods house, but God will hauehave obedience and not sacrifice, yea, heere he will be serued with obedience to men.
Thirdly, that euen children are bound to make conscience of their waies, and to learne to please God in their youth. First, God requires it, Eccle. 12.1. Psal. 148.12. There is Scripture for babes and yong men as well as old men. Secondly, there are worthy examples to excite them recorded in Scripture, as the examples of Ioseph, Samuel, Dauid, Iosiah, Ieremie, Daniel, and Timothie, yea, this was a great praise in Ierobohams yong and dying sonne, 1 King. 14.3. Thirdly, a conscionable care in children to please God is much praised in Scripture, they are blessed that beare the yoke in their youth, and the workemanship of grace and obedience in the hearts and liues of children, is like the grauing of a Kings Pallace, Psalm. 144.12. A happy thing when the yong men see visions, as well as old men dreame dreames, Ioel 2. Then doth the Church flourish when the Sonne marrieth the mother, Isai. 62.5.
Vse 1 This should teach parents to beginne betimes to teach their children the trade of their way, Prou. 22.6. and to bring them vp in the instruction and admonition of the Lord, Ephes. 6.4.
2 Parents should learne also to be content that their children serue and please God as well as them; some Parents are so bad that they neither will instruct their children themselues, nor abide it, that they should heare Sermons, reade the Scriptures, seeke the company of such as feare God, or Sanctifie Gods Sabbaths.
4 This should teach all to repent euen for the sinnes of their youth, Psa. 25. For they were then tied to please God aswell as afterwards.
4 That God will be pleased and will accept the indeauours and conscionable cares and obedience, euen of children, this is a comfort to children that though they cannot please wayward parents, yet they shall please God; and againe, it reproues froward parents; Is God pleased and art thou displeased? Doth God louelove and like the desires and endeauours of this childe and doest thou dislike?
Thus of childrens duty, the Parents duty followes.
Fathers prouoke not your children to anger, least they be discouraged.]
Doctrine From the coherence; Parents must performe their dutie to their children, it is not an easie thing to be a Father and Mother in performance of fatherly and motherly duties.
Prouoke not] D. Men are in general here to learne, that it is not enough to abstaine from sin, but they must abstaine from al prouocations to sin; It is not enough to abstaine from whoredome, but men must abstaine from wanton attire, from suspected places, from filthy speaches, from chābering & wantonnes, not enough to abstaine from murther, but men must abstaine from bitter and prouoking words. It is not enough to absteine from Idolatry, but men must absteine from all the monuments and occasions of Idolatrie, and therefore men must absteine from all marriage with Papists, and from making of images of the trinity, &c. If men would auoid periurie, they must take heed of common swearing. So ministers must not onelyonly call for peace and vnity, but they must take heed of prouocations to discord, when all is at peace.
Thus of the generall.
The words of this verse are a dehortation, and therein is: First, the duty of parents: Secondly, the reason of it.
Parents] All Parents are tied to performe their dueties to their children,By Fathers he meanes both parents. none are too good to doe it. Vse for reproofe of such women as thinke themselues too good to nurse their owne children, and of such Fathers as turne the Care of their children wholly to others.
Prouoke to wrath] Heere I note the manner of setting downe their duty and the matter.
The dutie of parents is negatiuely set downe, to teach that parents must not thinke onelyonly of their sinnes against God and abroad to others; but they may be guilty of much sinne in trespassing against their owne children, if parents were otherwise neuer so honest or religious, yet the carelesse discharge of their duty to their children may much prouoke God, and will certainely be found on their score if they repent not.
Quest. But why is the dutie of parents in this place so sparingly set downe but in one branch of it and that negatiuely?
Ans. It is not to allow Parents to be lesse carefull, but it may bee the Apostle spares them heere, because in respect of other relations they are charged before and after as husbands and maisters. Againe, it may bee the Apostle would hauehave children to know they hauehave not that liberty to inquire into their parents faults, or to reckon it as a part of their skill to find them out: parents shall account to God but not to their children. Thus of the manner of setting their duty downe, the matter followes.
Prouoke not] Parents fault two waies, either by too much seuerity, or by too much indulgence, the former is heere restrained. Againe, the prouocation is two-fold, either to sinne or to passion, it is a most cursed thing for parents to prouoke their children to sinne by counselling them to euill waies, or incouraging them to lewd courses. This the Apostle holds too horrible vile, for any professing religion, or the feare of God, and therefore mentions prouocation to anger.
Concerning this prouocation to anger I consider three things. First, how parents prouoke their children. Secondly, what they must doe that they bee not prouoked. Thirdly, what is not forbidden in these words.
Parents prouoke their children; first, by word; secondly, by deed.
1. By word three waies. First, by burthening them with vniust and vnmeete precepts.How parents prouoke their children both by words and deeds. Secondly, by pursuing them with contumelious words, especially when they be alwaies chiding and rating of them. Thirdly, by disgracing of them to others before their face, or behind their backes.
2 By deedes fiue waies.
First, by carelesse education, for though children find not fault with this at first, yet when they come to be of yeares, and finde their owne vnfitnesse for calling or society, &c then they fret against their parents neglect.
Secondly, by discourtesies and vnkind vsage of them when they be growne to be of yeares.
Thirdly, by vniust dealing about their marriage, when either they restraine them of marriage, when they hauehave a calling to it, and a liking of meete person, and thus they prouoke them to incontinency, or when they compell them to marry when they hauehave no calling nor liking, and thus they prouoke them to discontent.
Fourthly, by indiscreet and immoderate passion and seuerity in correcting them.
Fifthly, by vniust restraints eyther of present necessaries of food and raiment, Matth. 7.9.10. 1. Tim. 5.8. Prou. 13.22. or in not laying vp for them, 1. Cor. 12.14.
Secondly, that parents may not prouoke their children. 1. they must begin betimes to teach them their duties, for ignorance is waiward. 2. they must sow the seedes of piety and godlinesse in their hearts, as they draw out reason by degrees, so there is a conscience euen in child…en as well as reason if it were informed, and conscience would make them not onelyonly religious to God, but dutifull to parents. 3. they must not giuegive their children too much liberty at the first, for if they doe, then will iust restraint afterwards bee prouocation. 4. they must pray for them to God, many pray for children, and so for their being, that afterwards neuer pray to God to guide their harts, and so for their well being. 5 They must in generall striue to teach or guide them by incouragements and allurements, correction is not as diet, but as Phisicke, and thus recreation is not to be denied them. Zach. 85. 6. If nothing else will restraine passion in children, they must impose silence vponupon them, he that imposeth silence on a foole mittigateth anger, Prou. v. 26.
3 This dehortation hindreth not but that parents may:
1 Rebuke their Children.
2 Correct them. Prou. 13.24. and 22.15. and 29.15.17. and 23.13. and 25.14. and 19.18.19.
Thus of the duety.
Children] viz: All children, sonnes and daughters in law as well as naturall children; and these are prouoked.
1 By groundlesse iealousies and suspitions testified by secret listning, questioning and enquiring enuiously after eueryevery thing they doe or say.
2 By suffering seruants to vexe or molest them.
3 By euill reports of them.
4 By giuing euill counsell, or reporting of faults to the Sonne against his wife, or to the daughter against her husband to make debate is ill in any but much worse in parents.
This of the parties to whom they owe this duty.
Lest they be discouraged] the reason followes.
There are many reasons why parents should bee carefull by all meanes to keepe anger out of their Children.7. Reasons to preuent anger in childrē. 1. Wise men and godly men can scarce gouerne this affection without sinning, Psalm. 4. much lesse children. 2. Anger is a great prouoker of Gods anger, it breedes a guiltinesse of Gods anger, Math. 6. 3. It lets in the Deuill, Eph. 4.26. and vsually Sathan in the times of these passions, sowes the most hellish seeds and stirres most impious thoughts in them. 4. It may bring them into great mischiefe in time, Prouerbs. 28.18. 5. It is a great let to sound instruction and knowledge, Eccles. 7.11. Prouerbs. 14.29. 6. The angry person is vsually suspitious, and so vnfit for society with men Prou. 1.22.24. yea it is a great hinderance both to the profit of the word. Iames. 1.21. and the power and successe of prayer. 1 Tim. 2.8. 7. Sometimes this rage in young persons is not to bee cooled but with bloud as in Caine.
But to omit the reasons, heere parents must not prouoke their children lest they be discouraged.
Concerning discouragement in generall, we must know that it is a great sin to discourage others, and a great hurt to be discouraged, the people must not discourage their teachers, Hebr. 13.17. those that are in authoritie must not discourage such as are faithfull and desirous to approue their feare of God, and to discharge their duties. Gouernours in the familie must not discourage seruants or children in their good beginnings & desires after good things,1. Thess. 5.14. againe this is a Christian mercy and compassion, to comfort and incourage the feeble, and lastly Gods fainting children should bee admonished to bee of good comfort, and to strengthen their weary knees. 2. Cor. 13.11. Esay. 36.3.4.
Concerning the discouragement of children, christian parents should bee carefull: for they may be discouraged.
1 From the seruice of God when they shall see carnall men vse their children better then they that make such a profession of piety.
2 From the capacity and desire after the vndertaking of the knowledge or exercise of great things, discouragement breakes their spirits, and makes them pusillanimous.
3 From the hope to please and so from the confidence of the parents louelove, and then at length from the very meanes of pleasing eyther by honor or obedience. This of the duty of parents and children.
The third couple in the familie are seruants and masters.
The duty of seruants is set downe verse. 22.23.24.25.