An Exposition Upon Colossians, Biblical commentary 3 · Chapter 3 · Verse 18
Vers. 18.
Wiues submit your selues to you Husbands as it is comely, in the Lord.
Vers. 19.
Husbands louelove your wiues and be not bitter vntounto them.
Before I come to the particular consideration of these words, I must obserue some thing from the coherence and generall consideration of all the verses together.
d: It is plaine that men are to be taught how to gouerne themselues in their houses, aswell as in the duties of their generall calling: this is meete to be noted, because some mens either ignorance, or wilfulnesse and prophanenesse is such, that they thinke Ministers should not meddle to tell them how to liue at home, or how to carrie themselues in their shops.
d: 2. From coherence, that we may liue comfortably, and blessedly in our Families, and particular callings, wee must labour in the daily and constant vse of the meanes to be sincere in the generall. The study of the word to frame men, to be good men and women in Gods sight, would make men good husbands, seruants, children, wiues, &c. First, get to bee a good man and then thou wilt the easier proue a good husband, &c.
Vse. First, for reproofe of such as cannot abide to see their children, or seruants to heare Sermons, studie the Scriptures, labour for grace, &c. whereas nothing would more fit them to all pleasing in their carriage at home. Secondly, for triall, if religion and the profession of it, make thee not a better wife, husband, or seruant. Suspect thy selfe that all is not right, but that thou art an hypocrite, repent and amend. Thirdly, for instruction, if men finde such stubburnesse in their wiues, or children, or seruants, the best way is to giuegive them more libertie to the meanes, and to driue them into Gods house to heare the word, to call vponupon them to reade the Scriptures, and to vse such like holy exercises, for if this will not mende them nothing in the world will. 3 Before I consider of the particular members of a Familie,Of the gouernment of a Familie. I must entreat generally of the whole: and concerning the gouernment of a Family by the rules of Gods word: I consider 4. things.
1 The authority of it;1. The authority of it. there is a way how to walke in vprightnesse, euen in our houses, so as God will come to vsus, if our families bee rightly ordered aPsal. 101.2.. There is a wisdome or sauing knowledge how to erect and found a holy Family, and how to order and establish it bProu. 24.3., there are many administrations, as the administration of a Church, of a Citie, or Common wealth, so likewise the administration of a Family, yet but one Lord, 1 Cor. 12. Yea, the gouerning of a house honestly, or in holy comlinesse, is manifestly expressed, 1. Tim. 3.5.
2 The antiquitie of it,2. The antiquity of it. it is the most ancienst of all gouernments, yea, out of which all the rest sprang: the Church was bred and cherished by this gouernment in Families for many hundreds of yeares, in the beginning of the world, euen till the People came out of Aegypt.
3 The vtilitie of it,3. The vtilitie of it. it is called a perfect way cPsal. 101.2., and that in three respects: First, as opposed to hipocrisie, it shewes a mans way is not hipocriticall, when a man will not onelyonly looke to his feet when he goes into Gods house, but is carefull how to walke vprightly in his owne house. Secondly, as it is the ground and field of practise; knowledge is neuer perfect till it bee practised, and the must ordinarie way of practise is at home. Thirdly, as it perfects vsus in blessednesse, in that it brings Gods promise into execution, besides the Family is the Seminarie both of Church and common wealth,Gen. 18.19. for it brings foorth, and brings vp a seede, it preserues the common wealth, and as it frames by education a holy seed, it preserues the charge.
4. What is necessarie to the well-being of it.4 What things are necessary and requisite vntounto the blessed being of a Family.
Answ: For the erecting and establishing of a blessed Familie: 3. things are principally necessarie. First, a holy comming together. Secondly, a holy liuing together. Thirdly, a speciall fitnesse in the head of the Familie. For the first, it is greatly materiall to the perpetuall well being of a Familie, that all heedefulnesse bee obserued in the first erecting of it: for as many order the matter, they so prouoke God by the first entring vponupon the Familie, that the Familie trauels euer after vnderunder the burden of Gods anger, or great inconuenience and cannot prosper, and thus men fault.
Foule faults in the first erecting of Families.Either by ventring without a calling, or meanes to liue, or by ouerleaping Gods ordinance of Contract, or by ventring vponupon marriage with persons that hauehave foule diseases, as the Leprosie, french poxe, &c. but especially when:
First, more wiues then one are brought in. Secondly, there is not sufficient distance in bloud, but the marriage is incestuous. Thirdly, another mans wife is brought in, either the betrothed wife, or the vniustly diuorced wife of another man. Fourthly, there is not consent of parties, but the marriage is forced. Fifthly, there is not consent of parents. Sixthly, an infamous or scandalous person is chosen to be a yoake-fellow. Seuenthly, there is not equality, either for religion (but a beleeuer is matched with an vnbeleeuer) or age, or estate, or disposition.
And a like dangerous disorder there is in taking into the Familie of disordered seruants, such as are swearers, filthy and scandalous persons, against which sinnes there lyeth knowne threatnings of God: and so with their sins they bring in Gods curse.
4. Things in a holy liuing together in a Familie.The second thing that makes a family blessed, is a holy liuing together, and there are foure things that are requisite, especially to the good estate of the house: First, the constant practise of pietie and priuate worship. Secondly, the right order of imploiment in the mutuall labours of the family. Thirdly, houshold discipline or reformation.6. Things in holshold pietie. Fourthly, hospitality, or a right respect of strangers. For the first, the pietie that is to be practised stands of 6. parts: First, praier and thankesgiuing to God. Men must pray eueryevery where d1 Tim. 2.8., our meats and callings must be sanctified by the word, and by praier e1 Tim. 4.4.: thus Dauid praied morning, and euening, and at noone fPsal. 55.18., so Daniel: Yea it is a brand of prophane and abhominable persons, they call not vponupon God gPsal 14.4. Yea, those families are in great danger of his wrath, that call not vponupon his names hIerem. 20.. Secondly, holy conference betwixt the members of the Family, as between husband and wife i1 Pet. 3.7., and betweene father and children kDeu. 6.21.22. Thirdly, singing of Psalmes lColos. 3.16. Ephes. 5.20.. Fourthly, repetition of Doctrine publikely taught, examining it by the Scriptures alleadged, as did the Bereans mAct. 17.. Fifthly, fasting vponupon extraordinarie occasion, is verie plaine, Zach. 12.16. Lastly, the parents instruction, Psalm. 78.2.3.4. Deut. 6.6.
Quest: But what things may be taught in the Family?
What things may be taught in the familie.Answ: First, the common grounds of Gods seruice and worship, this is to teach them to feare God. Secondly, the meaning of the Sacraments nExod. 12.25.26. & …3.14.. Thirdly, the Law oDeut. 6.6., that is the common grounds of honesty, and vice, teaching to louelove such and such vertues, and hate such and such vices. Fourthly, the vse and consideration of Gods great iudgements: therefore God will tell Abraham of the destruction of Sodome, because he will make vse of it in his Familie. Fifthly, the report of Gods great workes of old pPsa. 78.23.. Sixthly, to hope in God, acquainting them with their naturall miseries, and training them vp, by warning them to take heed of the common presumptions of the wicked, and by distilling into them the grounds of practise and promise, concerning Gods merciemercy to their soules; and their last saluation. Seuenthly, we should acquaint our housholds with the generall course of the Scriptures: thus Timothy knew the Scriptures of a childe q2. Tim. 3.15.: for an exact knowledge of all Scriptures was impossible for a child to attaine. Lastly, the things receiued by publike doctrine should be inforced and kept a foot in the family, if any passe these bonds they intrude vponupon the Ministers office, and ought to feare Vzzahs curse, and therefore as men should instruct, and so auoid the common prophanenesse of the world in neglecting Gods ordinance, so they should bee wise to sobriety, and keepe themselues in all feare and humilitie within their owne line and measure.
Thus of Pietie.
The second thing required is a holy order of imploiment in all the members of the family, in their mutuall labours for the good of the outward estate of it rGen. 3.19. 1 Cor. 7.20., vntounto the orderly performance of the Labours of a Family, the fiue things are required.5Things required in the labours of a Family.
First, diligence. Secondly, peace, else all sacrifice is in vaine, Prou. 17.1. Thirdly, prouidence, it is not the hand of the diligent, but his thoughts that bring abundance: care is required, not the care for successe (for that is condemned Matth. 6.) but the care for the duty, Prou. 21.5. Fourthly, retyrednesse. They must keepe at home. Seruants must not be stealing out of the Familie without leaue: nor Masters leaue their standings. Keepe thy foot from thy neighbours house, Prou. 25.17. If a man cannot be found in the place of his labour, he is like a bird that wandreth from his nest. Prou. 27.19. Fifthly, frugalitie, in liuing within their compasse, and not spending aboue their meanes, they must make their Lambes serue for cloathing, and the Goates for rent or hire of the field, and the milke of the goates must bee sufficient for them, and families, and for the sustenance of the maides, Prou. 27. vlt. It is not a good rule to make reason iudge of their needes, or to propound vntounto themselues, I will spend no more but what I neede, but they must looke to their meanes to spend according to that, for ordinarilie their is not so little comming in, but God can make it suffice, or will himselfe send them supplie.
The third thing required is domesticall discipline: Thus Iacob searcheth his house, purgeth it of all Idols, and superstitious monuments, admonisheth his people of the feare of God, Gen. 35.2.3. Thus Iob sacrificeth for his children, Iob 1.5. Thus Dauid will ridde his house of slanderers, liars, apostates, &c. And so should we see to the reformation of abuses, by admonition, rebukes, correction, or complaints to the Magistrate, or Elders of the Church, the Father in his house is the keeper of both Tables.
The fourth thing is the right order of hospitality, and respect of strangers, and it stands in two things: First, in seeking by all meanes to bring Gods Ministers or seruants into one house sHeb. 13.2. 1 Pet. 18., that they might helpe vsus, and as as it were, blesse and perfume our houses, by their praiers, counsell, comforts, admonitions, &c. Rom. 1.11. Secondly, in prouiding that no strangers be admitted, or permitted that will hinder Gods worship, or any way the good of the family, they must not be within our gates, that will not ioine with vsus to sanctifie the Sabbath in our dwellings, Exod. 20. Yea, if they bee disordered persons wee should vse them as the false Prophet; That they may say, thus was I wounded in the house of my friend, Zach. 13.
The Vse is: First, against the Papists and that principally two waies: First, in that they forbid marriage, and so hinder the erecting of families to God. Secondly, in that they forbid knowledge to Lay people, and so hinder the good gouernement of the Familie.
Secondly, against, great abuses euen amongst vsus. There is that open prophanenesse in the most houses, that if they searched with lights, there would no praier, reading of Scripture, holy conference, singing of Psalmes, or instruction be found there, but without light men may finde their houses, full of swearing, deceit, lying, false measures, and waights, and all kind of filthinesse, to the singular detriment of the familie: for hence it is that many families, doe in vaine rise earely, and goe to bed late, and eate the bread of painefulnesse and sorrow, for God for these sinnes will not build the house. Sometimes this is plagued by open iudgements, somtimes Gods curse secretly like a moath cats downe the prosperity of the house. But alwaies all such families are very hatefull to God, euen like the dens or cages of wilde beasts. Secondly, It may humble the best of vsus, if we search into our neglects, ignorances, and omissions, of the many duties we should performe in our houses.
Thirdly, for instruction to teach vsus by praier to seeke a way of God for vsus, and our houses, and to beseech God to build vsus an house, 2 Sam. 2.7.11.25. 27.29. and by all meanes to labour to liue godly at home in the practise of pietie, this is to bring saluation to our houses. Thus our families would become as little Churches, Rom. 16. 1. Cor. 16. Yea, wonderfull hath beene the successe of this holy order in some families. Thus the house of Dauid hath become as the house of God, Zach. 12.8. Yea, if we were thus carefull, God would hedge vsus and our families round about, and all that we hauehave, that Satan could not touch vsus, hee cannot breake Gods fence, without Gods leaue, Iob 1.10. Our Tabernacles would then flourish and stand long: Prou. 12.7. and 14.11.
Thus in generall of houshold gouernment or the order generally belonging to the good estate of all the members.
Now, I come to consider each member in the Family, and the Apostle deuides them into three couples: The wife and the husband, the childe and parents, the seruant and master.
Doctr: There are two reasons why the husbands and wiues are charged in the first place, viz. First, because that in this order they were thus instituted of God, he first made man and wife, and in the order of nature these first found the Familie, and so the Apostle keepes the order of nature, and the first institution. Secondly, because the good behauiour of the inferiours in the Families, lieth much in the good example of the husband and wife: if they be filthy, wastefull, or blasphemers, vsually their children and seruants are so, and many times it holdes in the contrarie, for their good example, either maks the family in imitation grow like them, or at least it restraines much euill.
Qu: But why is the wife first appointed to her dutie, before the husband.
Answ: Because in the order of the Family she must first mend before the husband (howsoeuer before Gods iudgement seat they shall be tried equally) in domesticall behauiour, if shee would hauehave her husband reformed of wickednesse, or ill dealing, she must first mend her selfe
Thus of the generall consideration.
Wiues be subiect to your husbands as is comely in the Lord.]
In these words the Wiues dutie, is first laid downe, Wiues submit to your husbands. Secondly, It is is enlarged or confirmed: First, by a reason: It is comely. Secondly, by a limitation in the Lord.
In laying down the duty I consider: First, who are charged, Wiues. Secondly, with what, be subiect. Thirdly, to whom, to your Husbands.
Wiues] Doctrine. All wiues generally and indefinitly are tied to a holy order of subiection to their husbands without distinction of yeares, the elder women and the yonger, Tit. 2.8. and without distinction of estate, poore mens wiues must be subiect aswell as Citizens wiues, or Gentiles, a great fault in the baser sort: Their houses in respect of rudenesse, are as void of righteousnesse as they are of riches. Great mens wiues also must be subiect, Pharaohs daughter and Vashti the Empresse; yea though there be inequality of meanes as if the wife were a Lady, and the Husband but a meaner man, yet shee must be subiect, and he not waite vponupon her.
Vse 1. For comfort of wiues, nothing is required of one, but what is required of all. 2. Of Husbands, in respect no meanes of estate, or alteration in their condition can loose them their honour in the subiection of their wiues. And thirdly, eueryevery woman should learne to doe her dutie, seeing all are bound to it.
Be subiect:] Heere I consider. 1. What is required viz. be subiect. 2. In what manner it is required, that is in the indefinite propounding of it without exception of time or place, &c.
In the first I consider: first, that it is: secondly, I answer a question: thirdly what it is.
1. That subiection in women is required without dispensation by God as his ordinance is plaine by these Scriptures, Genes. 3.19. Ephes. 5.24. Titus. 3.5. 1. Pet. 3.1.
2 The Question is why the Apostle onelyonly propounds heere the wiues subiection,Why subiection is onelyonly named in the wiues duty. without mentioning any other duty?
Ans. I might say it is the wisedome of God to scatter directions and comforts, that wee may not finde them all in one place, to stirre vsus vp to the more diligence in study of the Scriptures, and with great good successe many times, for while they are seeking to learn to be good wiues, they meet also with those directions that make them good women too. God many times when we seek one blessing causeth vsus to find many.
2. I may say that it is the wisedome of God to Epitomize and draw things into a short summe, that we may be more familiarly acquainted with his will, Thus when he would propound his eternall rules of all righteousnesse in the Law, hee chooseth to giuegive them in ten words, that men might grow to bee as familiarly acquainted with them, as with any ordinary matter, that they might alwaies hauehave them before their eyes, and bind them to the fringe of their garments: so God giues women their duties in one word, that it might be engrauen in their hearts, and sowed downe before their eies in capitall letters vponupon their cushions, be subiect should neuer be out of their minds.
3. Because of the necessity of it, if God may not hauehave this duty, he will not accept of the rest, though they be faire, rich, wise, prouident, diligent &c. yet if they be not subiect, they are not regarded of God.
4. Because women most faile in this, the speciall duety of the husband is louelove, and of the wife subiection, the man most failes in louelove, and the woman in subiection.
3 I consider what this subiection is, and heere: first, what it is: secondly, what it is not: thirdly, the meanes that women are to vse that they may bee subiect.
For the first in the right discharge of their subiection, wiues are tied to fiue things:5Things in the wiues subiection. first, honour: secondly, faithfulnesse: thirdly, feare: fourthly, labor: fifthly, submission.
To be subiect, is first to honour them; to be faithfull, to feare them, to bee diligent in labour for them and the family, and to submit to them.
1 They must honour their husbands as their superiour,Wiues must honour their husbands sixe waies. and heads, 1. Cor. 11.3. and this they must do; first, by giuing reuerent titles to them, 1. Pet. 3.6.
2 By striuing to resemble the very properties and praise worthy qualities of the husband, she should be his image, or his glory. And thus also in his absence shee should resemble his authority ouer the family, women should choose such husbands, as they would not onelyonly liue with and louelove, but such as they would liue by, euen such as they would set before them as patternes of their natures and liues.
3 By liuing without suspition, making the best interpretation of their doubtfull actions. Micholl is made a president of contempt and suspition, when she so sinfully taunts and misinterprets Dauids dancing before the arke, in presence of the maides of Israell.
4 By leauing to him the secrets of his publike imployment, and keeping her to her owne measure in caring for domesticall matters, shee may not be of an inquisitiue humor, to lay a necessitie vponupon the husband to reueale to her all occurrents, especially when the husband is either Magistrate or minister.
5 By yeelding him due beneuolence, 1. Cor. 7.3. she may not without calling or consent, refuse her husbands bed.
Wiues shame their husbāds foure waies.6 By striuing to aduance her husbands credit, she must not shame her husband, Pro. 12.4. wiues shame their husbands. 1. When their feete will not keepe in their owne house, Prou. 7.11. 2. When they blaze abroad his infirmities. 3. When they neglect the care of his children, eyther for manners, apparrell, or imployment, Tit. 3.5. 4. By liuing in any scandalous sinne, as when they be false accusers, giuen to much wine, intemperate, &c. Tit. 2.3. or busie-bodies, 1. Tim. 5.13.14.
Wiues must shew faithfulnes in fiue things.The second part of subiection is faithfulnesse, they must shew all faithfulnesse. 1. In respect of the marriage bed, Prou. 2.17. 2. In respect of expence, …he must not be wastfull, for this is to pull downe the house with her owne hands, and euer the more secretly, the more sinfully, Prou. 14.1. shee should saue and not spend without consent. 3. In respect of the businesse of the family, she should be such as her husbands heart may trust in her, it is a great sin in wiues when they must bee told, not onelyonly what to doe, but when they are charged with the care of such and such things, they must need to be continually told, and yet be carelesse still. 4. In the secrets of the familie, not disclosing them to strangers, but so taking notice of them, as not to discouer them without the consent of the husband, as the faults of Sion must not bee told at Gath. 5. In entertainement, that none bee admitted that are suspected or disliked by the husband.
Wiues should shew their feare 6. waies.The third thing is feare, Eph. 5.33. 1. Pet. 3.1.2. They should shew the feare of their Husbands. 1. By reuerent behauiour to him, not rude audacious bould. 2. By striuing to be inoffensiue, auoiding or preuenting what might stirre him to anger, or dislike or griefe. 3. By giuing soft answers when hee is angry, Prou. 15. 4. By forbearing passion, or frowardnesse, euen with others in his sight. 5. Making him her couering when they are abroad, but many women are so intemperate and wilfull, that a man might as soone hide the winde with his fist, or oyle in his hand, as couer the infirmities of his wife Prouerbs 27.15.16. 6. By liuing quietly without contention, shee must not disquiet him.
Fourthly, her labor, her labor is of 2. sorts; first to appoint vntounto the family, and ouersee their waies; Prou. 31.27. Secondly, she must labor with her own hands, Prouerbs. 13.27.19. and this labour of her hands is prescribed with sixe rules.
Sixe rules for wiues worke.1 She must not spend moneths or years in staying from some imployment she could like to make a calling, but she must presently seeke by all meanes to finde out labour, she seeketh wooll and flaxe.
2 Shee must not stand vponupon finer workes, as scorning baser imployment, but be content to set her hands to any labour that is meet, thus shee spinneth and seeketh wooll and flaxe. Pro. 31.13.19.
3 She must not spend her time in working of toyes or curious things, good for nothing but to shewe skill and weare out time, but about profitable things for the family, as carpets, vers. 22. sheets, vers. 24. the cloathing of her family, her husband and her children, vers. 21.23.
4 Shee must not lye a bed till nine or tenne a clocke, but she must rise while it is yet night, vers. 15. and her candle is not to be put out by night. vers. 18.
5 She must not be fickle and vnconstant, to change from work to worke, to no profit, beginning many things, and finishing little or nothing, but against all wearines or other impediments, she must gird her loynes with strength and strengthen her armes.
6 Lastly, all must be done cheerefully, not grudgingly, vers. 13.
The fifth thing is, Submission, Eph. 5.22. and she must submit her selfe;
1 To her husbands directions, & liue by the Laws prescribed her by her husband, Eph. 5.23. as the Church doth teach and liue by the word of Christ, else no true Church. Thus the woman asketh leaue to goe to the Prophet, 2. Kin. 4.22. And the wife is charged not to feast without consent, 1. Cor. 7.4. And thus also she must receiue directions for the affaires of the familie.
2 To his restraints, so as she be contented to be restrained of her ease, will, desires, delights, &c. Thy desires shall be subiect to thy husband. Gen. 3.19. Thus the Church must deny her owne reason, profit, pleasure, &c. and submit her selfe to Christ, Ephes. 5.23. Thus must the wife cast about how to please her husband, 1. Cor. 7.34.
Thus of what it is.
2 I consider what it is not,What wiues are not bound to. or what the wife is not bound to, though shee must be subiect. In generall their subiection doth not lead them into bondage and make them slaues and vassalls to them, they remaine still their companions and yoake-fellowes.
In particular there are some things spirituall, some things domesticall, some things in her ciuill carriage, from which shee is not restrained by her subiection.
In matters of religion she cannot bee forced to neglect the meanes to saue her soule, the vnbeleeuing husband cannot compell the wife to forsake her faith and religion, and the meanes thereof, to please him. Againe, though her sexe barre her from instruction in the Church, and her husbands authority barre her from sole instruction in the family, yet notwithstanding vnderunder her husband she may instruct her children, Pro. 6.20. and familie, Pro. 31.26. Besides though her husband were neuer so great, wise, Lordly, &c. yet she may admonish him, and he ought to be crossed of his owne course and will by her, as Abraham by Sarah: at Gods appointment, who charged him to heare her in what she said, to doe it. Gen. 21.12.
In domesticall matters, she is not subiected to his tyranny and blowes, nor is she bound to beare with or consent to, or conceale his whoredomes, shee is not bound to imitate his example, or obey his will, to doe that that is ill. And lastly her subiection doth not bind her to deliuer her body when shee is apart for her disease, Leuit. 18.19. Ezech. 8.6.
In ciuill matters I instance in one; She is not vtterly barred out from works of mercy, for though she may not take of his substance to spend it, no not in workes of piety and mercy, yet of her owne labours shee may take to giuegive to the poore, or for pious vses, Pro. 31.20.
Thus of what not.
3 That women may performe this subiection. 1. They must keep home. 2. They must seeke this ability of God, for hee giues the graces of the wife; Nature makes her a woman, election a wife, but to be prudent and subiect is of the Lord, Prou. 19.14. and there shee must seeke it of God. 3. They must preserue and keepe warme in their hearts the louelove of their husbands, for all disobedience ariseth of want of louelove. Lastly, they must consider the reasons and incouragements to subiection.
1 He is thy head and therefore be subiect, 1. Cor. 11.3. 2. If the shame of men will not mooue thee to bee subiect, yet hauehave power on thine head, because of the Angells, 1. Corinth. 11.10. but especially consider the encouragements.
It should waigh much with them that God hath imposed such a free and ingenuous subiection. It is not boundlesse, when they may be still companions. 2. That God that requires them to be subiect, chargeth husbands to vse them well, and kindly to accept their obedience. 3. God hath valued the price of a good wife, and set the rate to be aboue pearles, Prou. 31, 10. Finally their labour in the Lord shall not bee lost, for they are much set by of God. 1. Pet. 3.4. he will blesse them with the fruit of their wombe, Psal. 113.9. and 127.3 yea the saluation of their soules may be furthered by the right performance of family duties.
Thus of the things required, viz: be subiect.
The manner how it is required followes) Bee subiect indefinitely, and so sheweth that they must be subiect. 1. Not outwardly; but in spirit. Mal. 2.15. 2. Not abroad onelyonly, but at home. 3. Not sometimes but constantly alwaies. 4. Not in some things, but in eueryevery thing. Ephes. 5.24. 5. Not for feare or shame, but for conscience sake, and voluntarily. Heere I may take in the distinction; subiection is two-fold. 1. by Gods institution▪ and so wiues are subiect, in that they are commaunded to bee so, and God hath taken preheminence from them. 2. By will, or the conscience cheerefully yeelding obedience to Gods will, and thus onelyonly good wiues are subiect.
Thus of the duty charged vponupon them.
3 The persons to whom it is due followes.
To your husbands:] These words may be considered exclusiuely and inclusiuely, they exclude all others, she is not to be subiect to her seruants or children, or the strange woman brought in by the husband, and so also they include all husbands, they must be subiect to their husbands, not the wise only but the foolish, not the curteous onelyonly, but the froward, not the rich onelyonly, but the poore also.
Thus of the laying downe of the duty.
It is amplified, first by a reason, it is comely: secondly by a limitation, in the Lord.
As is comely] foreign The originall word is rendred three waies.
1 As ye ought vt oportet, and so it is a reason from Gods institution, yee must doe it, God indispensably requires it.
2 As is meete, vt conuenit, it is meet especially two waies. 1 God hath giuen power ouer all in the family but one, and therefore great reason and equity ye be appointed subiect vntounto him, and it is not meet ye should rule so many if you will not obey one. Againe ye are professours and hauehave giuen your names to Christ, and therefore it is meet that you especiallie striue to be good wiues, and better then any others, least the word be euill spoken of.
The wiues comelines in three things.3 As is comely, vt decet: so it is heere translated.
The wiues comelinesse is not in beautie, Prou. 11.22. and 31.30. nor in the gorgeousnesse of apparell, 1. Pet. 3.3. But a wiues comelinesse is especially.
1 In her wisedome, Prou. 14.1. and that to be shewed in two things: first, in her skill to please her husband, neither offending him with chiding words, nor sullennesse, puling or crying, which is found to vexe some men more then words. Secondlie, in her skill to manage the businesses of the house, both seasonablie, discreetlie, and with prouidence.
2 In her meekenes it is exceeding comelie, where the hid man of the heart is incorrupt with a meek and quiet spirit, this is better then al apparel. 1. Pet. 3.3.4.
Thirdly, Heere it is in her subiection; for as it is an vncomely thing to see the body aboue the head, so is it to see a wife that will rule and not be subiect to her husband.
And if the wife labour to adorne her selfe thus, shee shall appeare comely to God: 1 Pet. 3.4. to men in the gate, Prou. 31.23.31. to her husband and children, Prou. 31.28 Yea, shee is an ornament to sincerity and holines it selfe. Tit. 2.3.
In the Lord:] 1. These words are expounded diuersly.
First, in the Lord, that is, in the feare of God, as vntounto the Lord in obedience to his ordinance, for Gods sake, because God requires this at your hands.
In this sense it may serue for two vses: First, for terror to wicked wiues, they must answer it before God, he will auenge their not subiecting of themselues, he will certainly account with them, if they be whorish, contentious, idle, carelesse, or wastefull, &c.
2. It is a great comfort vntounto a godly woman, her subiection is in the Lord, it is in Gods account, euen as a sacrifice to him, hee takes it as done to himselfe, God honours her obedience in the Family, as if it were pietie in the Temple: and this may the more support them, if their husbands bee vnkinde.
Secondly, in the Lord, that is, so farre as they command in the Lord; they must so louelove their husbands as they cease not to louelove God, and so be subiect to them, as they leaue not their subiection to God. Their couenant with their husband no way inferres the breach of this couenant with God, and thus it is principally heere meant.
Thus of the Wiues dutie.
The Husbands dutie followes in the 19. verse.
Husbands louelove your Wiues and be not bitter vntounto them.]
Doctr: In generall; Husbands must be told their duties aswell as Wiues, as they would hauehave them mend, so they must mend themselues, and as they would hauehave comfort by liuing with them, so they must make conscience to practise their duty to them: it is not the hauing of wiues or husbands, that breedes contentment, but the holy performance of duties mutually.
The duty of the Husband is propounded heere: First, by exhortation, Husbands louelove your Wiues. Secondly, by dehortation, Be not bitter vntounto them.
In the exhortation, there is the persons exhorted (Husbands) the duty (louelove) the persons to whom they owe it (your Wiues.)
Husbands] This indefinite propounding of it shewes, that all sorts of Husbands are bound to shew this dutie, poore and rich, learned and vnlearned, yongue and old.
LoueLove] Concerning the husbands dutie as it is heere expressed; I consider sixe things. First, that it is indispensably required. Secondly, why this dutie onelyonly is named. Thirdly, how he must shew his louelove. Fourthly, Reasons why. Fifthly, I answer certaine obiections. Sixthly, the lets of performance of louelove.
First, it is required: Gen. 2.24. Ephes. 5.25. Tit. 2.2.
Secondly, the Apostle names this dutie in this one word, either because the Lord of purpose, would hauehave them study the whole Scriptures, that while they seeke for directions to make them good husbands, they may finde also counsell to make them good men.
Or else in this word is comprehended their dutie, that so this being their word, they might write it in their hearts, and hauehave it euer in their eies to doe it; or else it is because this is most necessarie, and as women faile in subiection, so doe men in louelove.
For the third, viz. how he must shew his louelove, we must vnderstand, that the husband owes the wife: First, naturall or ciuill louelove as a married man. Secondly, spirituall louelove, as a Christian married man.
Husbands shew their louelove 4. waies.For the first the louelove of the husband is to be shewed 4. waies.
1 By cohabitation, 1 Pet. 3.7. He must dwell with her, not wander from his wife, nor depart without calling and consent, nor dwell with drunkards, whores, or gamesters, dwell, I say, in his owne house, not in the Alehouse, &c.
2 By Chastitie: and that, first, by auoiding vnfaithfulnesse to her bed, not follow the strange woman. This sinne of Whoredome, it consumes mens strength, wastes mens substance, compasseth men with all euill, in the middest of the congregation, is worse then theft, exceeding hatefull in Gods sight, and disgracefull amongst men, destroies the soule both by making men without vnderstanding, and sending them to hell. Prouer. 5.19. & 6.25. & 9. 17. Iob 31.7.8. &c.
Secondly, by yeelding her due beneuolence, not departing from her bed without consent.
Husbands honour their wiues 6. waies3 By honouring her, 1 Pet. 3.7. The Husband must shew that hee honoureth her.
First, by suffering himselfe to be admonished by her, Gen. 21.12.
Secondly, by vsing her as his companion, not lording ouer her as his slaue.
Thirdly, by trusting her with disposing of such things in the Family as she is fit for and faithfull in, by giuing her imploiment according to her gifts.
Fourthly, by not disgracing her before others, but choosing a fit time in secret to finde fault with her.
Fifthly, by not speaking when shee is in passion, but forcing both her and himselfe in all matters of difference to speake when they are both out of passion.
Sixthly, by yeelding a free and iust testimony of her praises, Prou. 31.28.
4 By cheerishing her, Ephes. 5.28. And this he performes.
First, by prouiding her maintenance according to his abilitie, and that in labouring so in his calling, as he may prouide for her while he liues, and leaue her some meanes when he dies.
And for manner, doing it cheerefully, not stay till it be wrung from him, as from churlish Naball. Thus doe not they that spend at Alehouse, vponupon Whores, or sports, Beare baites, plaies, gaming or apparell, that should serue for maintenance of wiues and children at home.
Secondly, by protecting and rescuing her from wrongs and dangers: 1. Sam. 30.5.
Thirdly, by delighting in her louelove; yea, not erring or wandring in his louelove continually, Prou. 5.19.
Secondly, he owes her spirituall louelove aswell as naturall, so Christ loued his Church, not onelyonly to inrich it but to sanctifie it, Ephes. 5.25.26. They must dwell with them as men of knowledge to helpe them, not onelyonly by labour, but by knowledge also, 1 Pet. 3.7. This religious louelove he must shew.
1 By forgiuing her offences vponupon her repentance, this is one way wherby Christ makes his Church holy.
2 By edifying her by counsell, exhortation, admonition, consolation, &c.
7. Reasons why men must louelove their wiues.4 The reasons why he must louelove her, are
1 Because God requires it.
2 God so requires it, as a man must leaue his father and mother to cleaue vntounto his Wife Gen. 2.24.
3 The example of Christ should inforce it. Eph. 5.25.
4 She is his owne flesh, and no man euer hated his owne flesh: Eph. 5.29.
5 Lest praier be interrupted. 1. Pet. 3.17.
6 Thus hee shall shew himselfe a member of Christ, and to bee like his head. Ephes. 1.30.
7 It will preserue a man from the temptations, and inticements of the strange woman: Prou. 5.19.20. Yea, and from all euill company and vnthriftinesse.
Fifthly, The Obiections follow.
Obiect: 1 Shee was of meane birth,Mens obiections answered. condition, or portion, when I married her.
Answ: So, and much worse was the Church before Christ married her, and yet Christ loues her.
Obiect: 2 But since marriage, shee is idle, froward, wastefull, &c.
Answ: This is a reason to mooue thee to pray for her, and to watch ouer her waies to admonish and instruct her, but this is no reason to moue thee not to louelove her. For the Church sinneth after calling, and yet Christ loues her, and shewes it by his intercession for her in heauen, and by labouring to clense her by his spirit and word in earth.
Obiect: But shee is a carnall and vnregenerate woman, a meere wicked woman, that neither doth, nor will feare God, and Christ doth not louelove heretickes or hypocrites, or prophane persons, and pagans.
Answ: Though this reason from Christs example doth not hold, yet the reason from Gods institution binds thee, thou must louelove her, not because shee deserues it, but because God requires it.
Quest: Is a man bound to esteeme his wife aboue all women?
Answ: In respect of the affection and practise of the things essentially necessary to coniugall duties, he is, but not in opinion of his praises, for that is the commendation of the good wife, not of eueryevery wife. Prou. 31.30.
Thus of the Obiections.
Sixthly, the lets follow: How comes it to passe that men do not performe this duty. Answ. It is in some by reason of their sinfull comming together, as in sudden marriages,The causes why men louelove not their wiues. when they are done before there be a calling or affection in the heart. So when men hauehave ill ends, as those men that marry their wiues not for grace or fauour, but for wealth, when they are possessed of both, they will louelove their wealth, and hate their wiues.
2 Corruption of nature is the cause of want of louelove, they are wicked men, therefore wicked husbands.
3 It comes to passe, because men doe not by praier seeke louelove of God, neglect of praier and mortification is the cause.
4 Men louelove the strange woman, and therefore louelove not their wiues, or they louelove other mens wiues.
5 It comes to passe by the vntowardnesse of the wife, for though that bee no iust reason to the husband (because he should louelove her, because God commands him) yet it is a iust iudgement of God vponupon her.
Thus of what is required.
LoueLove] viz: Indefinitely; First in heart as well as in word, Mal. 2.15. Secondly, not before others onelyonly, but priuately. Thirdly, not sometimes, or the first week, monethmonth, or yeare, but for euer constantly. Fourthly, for conscience sake, and not for shame or respect of her friends, or while her meanes doe last.
Your Wiues] This is added; First to exclude all others, all others I say, not from Christian louelove in the generall, but from coniugall louelove. Secondly, to include all wiues, though poore, lesse wise, or frugal, froward, &c.
Thus of the exhortation.
The dehortation followes, be not bitter vntounto them.] In these wordes the Apostle doth mollifie the authority of the husband, and prouides that it passe not into tyranny. Heere I consider foure things. First, what it hatth not in it. Secondly, how men shew themselues bitter to their wiues. Thirdly, the meanes to cure this bitternesse. Fourthly the reasons to moue thereunto.
For the first, this exhortation to louelove, and dehortation from bitternes doth not bind them.
1 To louelove their vices; they may know them to be the weaker vessell, yea take notice of the weakenesse of the vessell.
2 To loose his owne authority by lightnesse and vaine behauiour.
3 To omit the performance of holy duties to please her humour.
4 To giuegive her a license to doe what she list, and liue how she will.
5 From finding fault and reproouing, so as they vse not their own wordes but Gods.
Lastly, distinguish their natures, wiues of soft and gentle natures must bee vsed with all gentlenesse, but that lets not but that wilfull and stubborne wiues may be held downe to a meet subiection.
Men shew their bitternesse. First, by words, and that diuersly, when they reproach them for their infirmities,Of bitter husbands. or deformities, or when they grow quarrellous, finding fault with eueryevery thing, or grow into passion vppon eueryevery occasion. 2 Indeed by vsing them discourteously, or by vniust restraint. Or lastly by blowes. But many men hauehave little growing in their furrowes but wormwood, they hauehave a true gall of bitternesse in them, they may be compared to the starre in the Reuelations, 8.11. for as that made the third part of the waters bitter, so are more then three parts of the words of many husbands bittet words, yea as if their naturall frowardnes were not enough, some men will sharpen and whet their tongues to sound out cursed words like swords or arrowes, yea some are so vnappeaseable, their anger is like the fooles wrath, Prouerbs 27, 3. these are a brood of Caldeans, a bitter, a furious nation.
For the cure of this bitternesse, foure rules are to be obserued:
4 Rules for curing of this bitternesse in men.1 Men must pray God to cast something into their fountaine to sweeten it.
2 They must turne the course of this humor, and spend it vponupon their sins, in the practise of the duties of mortification.
3 Eat Gods booke, for that will inable men to to godly sorrow, (by beeing bitter in their bellies, and will sweeten their mouthes.
4 Looke to the rootes of bittrrnesse, stay the spring of it in the beginning, take heede of a custome in frowardnesse, for then onelyonly custome in the vse of the meanes will cure thee, againe it will cost them daily sorrowes, before they can get their natures throughly healed.
Lastly, the reasons follow why they must mortifie bitternesse.
Reasons against bitternesse.1 It is a wise mans glory and discretion to passe by infirmities, Prouerbs 19.10.
2 Shee is not his footstoole but his helper.
3 Seeing we are heires of blessing, let vsus blesse and not curse, if God hath sweetened our hearts with grace, let not our fountaines send forth bitter waters and sweet.
4 The Apostle requires that all bitternesse be put away, all for degrees (it is not inough we are not so bad as some be) and in all persons.
5 Lastly, it is a part of our good workes, and holy conuersation to mortifie bitternesse, and enuy, and strife, heereby we must shew that we hauehave the wisdome that is farre aboue: for if our knowledge be right, it will make vsus peaceable, gentle, and easie to be intreated, On the other side, if men sharpen their tongues to cursed & bitter speaking, they may not boast of their knowledge. For such wisedome is carnall sensuall and diuellish, and they are lyers against the word. Iam. 3.13.17.
Vse is for instruction to all husbands that feare God, to approue themselues vntounto God, in their sincere and louing behauiour towards their wiues, especially they should take notice of this vice of bitternesse, or if they hauehave failed this way, they should recouer themselues, repent and amend, and not be like those wretched persons that draw iniquity with cords of vanity, and call bitter sweet, it is ill to fault this way, but worse to excuse, defend, or deny it.
Thus of the husbands duties.
The next couple in the family, is parents and children.
The dueties of children is set downe first, because the inferiors are charged first, and chiefly to mend and performe their duties.