A Care Cloth, Treatise · Chapter 11
CHAP. XI. Containing one vſe to the married.
Vſe 3 WE hauehave finiſhed our ſpeeches to the ſingle folke. To the married.Now you that are married, heare your part of inſtructions. And firſt, be aduiſed to take the beſt courſe that may be, of preuenting ſo many as may bee preuented, of the troubles of marriage. I know, you will all confeſſe at firſt hearing, that this is good aduice: but ſtraite you will aske further counſell, and ſay, How ſhall I doe this? I will therefore ſhew you the way, ſee that you walke in it. The firſt meanes to preuent the troubles of marriage, is this, to feare God, and walke in his waies. This is a common helpe to make all eſtates comfortable: for the bleſſing of God attendeth them that feare him, and comfort attends his bleſſing. The man that feareth God, hath this promiſe from God, that his wife ſhall bee like the fruitfull Vine, comfortable aſwell as fruitfull: His children like the Oliue plants, profitable and beneficiall, as well as many. Godlineſſe is good for all things; it hath the promiſes of this life, and of that which ſhall bee, and theſe promiſes muſt needs bee fulfilled. An holy conuerſation of life, a well ordred and religious carriage, in duplicate page duplicate page the whole frame of life, this makes life ſweet, & all the comforts of life cōfortable. If thou walke in Gods wayes, he hath vndertaken to make all you do, proſperous. Lo, a ſure way of attaining as much happineſſe, as this lower world can yeeld. For why doth God ſend troubles, but to correct ſin, and to redreſſe diſorders, and to draw men to godlines? If they follow godlines of their owne accord, by hearkning to the coūſel of his Word, fewer afflictions will be needfull, and fewer ſhal be ſent: for he corrects not willingly, but as Parents giuegive bitter draughts to their children, euen for the health & profit of their children. But ſecondly, the man & wife that would liue cheerefully, muſt louelove each other tenderly and plentifully. Much, heartie, and holy louelove to one another, will ſweeten all croſſes, and keepe out the worſt and greateſt croſſes. Let the husband louelove his wife, as Paul enioyneth, and let wiues be louers of their husbands, as the ſame Apoſtle preſcribeth, charity wil couer al things, and hope al things, & beleeue all things, and ſuffer all things, and ſo wil mend very many things, y• elſe would ſurely go amiſſe. Wherefore ſtriue more to ſtore thine heart with louelove to thine yoke-fellow, then to fill thy coffers with gold and ſiluer: for grace is more auaileable to felicity then wealth; and charitie is the King of graces. And that you may louelove each other in large quantity, and after a ſpirituall manner, pray often each with other, and each for other, & that will breed much louelove. Do much good to the ſoules of each other, and you ſhall not chuſe, but be kindly affectioned one to another. Thirdly, inſtruct your children and ſeruants in the feare and knowledge of God, labouring to make them Gods children and ſeruants, and then they will proue to you good children and ſeruants; or if they proue otherwiſe, the teſtimony of your conſciences, that your diligence hath not been wanting to make them ſuch, will comfort you much in their badneſſe. Dutifulnes and obedience to God, wil come attended with dutifulnes and obediēce to you: care of pleaſing God, will breed care of pleaſing you: a good cō ſcience towards their chief Gouernor, wil beget a good carriage to you their inferior gouernors. If pietie dwell in your hearts and houſes, it will chaſe the greateſt troubles out of dores, & keep the reſt from breeding much vexation. And if you ſeek to plant and water it in your families, it will likely grow there; or if it ſhould not, yet the doing of dutie wil comfort the hart, though ſucceſſe be wanting to endeauour. Laſtly, for your eſtates, let your harts be moderate, & your hands diligent. Labour about the things of the world, elſe an idle perſon muſt walke vponupon an hedge of thornes. LoueLove not the things of the world, elſe a perſon greedy of gaine, ſhall trouble his owne houſe. The diligent hand will bring ſufficiencie, and the moderate heart will bring contentment, and then the troubles of a mans eſtate muſt needs be made few and eaſie. He that, for Gods ſake, applieth his calling, and not for wealths ſake, ſhall hauehave Gods fauour in his calling, and either ſhall not be croſſed, or ſhall not be vexed by croſſes. So hauehave we ſhewed you, as good directions as we could, to keepe afflictious out of doores. But no care will altogether ſhame them. You muſt therefore ſet your ſelues in the ſecond place, to beare them patiently, and not to faint vnderunder them, nor to be diſtempered by them. Neuer vnwiſh marriage for the cumbers of marriage. Had-I-wiſt, is ſeemely in no mans mouth. O that I had neuer married, is a moſt vndecent thought in an husbands hart, & a fond word in his lips! Why ſhould our wils oppoſe Gods will, when he hath made it knowne vntounto vsus? Paul ſaith before; Art thou joyned to a wife? ſeeke not to be looſed. A valiant ſouldier doth neuer repent of the battaile, becauſe he meetes with ſtrong enemies; he reſolues to be conquerour, and then the more and ſtronger his foes, the greater his honour. So muſt the husband and wife reſolue to conquer the troubles of marriage, and vſe the buckler of patience againſt the blowes of aduerſitie, that they may conquer. But here alſo you will aske how? and I muſt tell you how. The meanes to get patience in the cumbers of the wedded eſtate, are chiefely theſe: firſt, to reſolue, you muſt and will bee patient: ſecondly, to pray that you may bee patient: thirdly, to conſider your comforts, as well as your croſſes: and fourthly, to looke vp to God, as the Author, and Heauen, as the end of your troubles. A firme purpoſe of will to doe, or ſuffer any thing, doth greatly fortifie the ſoule. Hee that often thinkes, I am bound to beare my part of trouble quietly, ſeeing eueryevery man aliue hath his portion in troubles; and ſeeing we hauehave brought troubles vponupon our ſelues; and ſeeing theſe troubles are but ſhort and light in compariſon of thoſe we hauehave deſerued; and therefore I wil euen buckle my ſhoulders to the burden, and not giuegive way to ſhrinking; this man ſhall find, that an hard loade will lye lighter vponupon a reſolute heart, then an eaſier burden, vponupon an irreſolute ſpirit. Whatſoeuer a Chriſtian man doth conſtantly tell himſelfe, that hee hath great reaſon to doe, ſhall hauehave much good by doing, and muſt needs doe, or doe worſe; and therfore inacts this ſtatute in his mind, By Gods helpe I will doe it; that ſhall he be able to doe in good meaſure, and God will paſſe by his failings. Doe thus much for the matter of patience, inure your minds to thinke much of the reaſons that ſhould induce you to it, and vponupon thoſe reaſons to conclude, that through the gracious aſſiſtance of God, you will be patient, and you ſhall be ſo. But reſolutions without prayer are preſumptuous, and God doth vſe to chaſtice preſumption, by making it find its owne weakeneſſe. Wherefore you muſt pray much and often, as well as reſolue. Strong reſolutions, ioyned with ſtrong ſupplications, cannot bee in vaine. Lord, muſt thou ſay, by nature I am impatient, apt to fume and fret, or elſe to faint and quaile: but, O, let me be ſtrengthened with all might, according to thy glorious power, vntounto all long-ſuffering and patience with ioyfulneſſe. Lord, ſtrengthen me againſt all infirme and impotent fallings of heart, againſt all furious and violent riſings of ſpirit: and ſeeing thou haſt brought me into marriage, inable mee to beare the burdens of marriage. The frequent renewing of ſuch acknowledgements of our owne feebleneſſe, and petitions to be fortified by the might of Gods Spirit, will cauſe, that wee ſhall find the grace of God to be ſufficient for vsus in the bearing of trouble, as well as in the reſiſting of temptation. But thirdly, taſte of the ſweete, as well as of the ſowre of thine eſtate. Call to mind what contents and benefits thine eſtate affordeth, as well as what calamities. Doubtleſſe, brethren, the comforts of marriage are very deſirable. Many benefits are found in this eſtate, that are wanting in the other. We muſt reckon as well our gaines as loſſes, as well our profit as paines, and this wil helpe to make the loſſes and labour to ſeeme little. Iob ſaid, Shall we receiue good at Gods hand, and not euill? Loe, the ſpeedie remembrance of what proſperitie hee had enioyed, inabled him to be quiet in his preſent tribulation: ſo muſt the married perſons doe in their eſtate, for Iob is our preſident for patience. Thine yoke-fellow is often froward, but is hee not kind ſometimes? Some children die, or are ſick; are not ſome & more aliue and healthie? ſo in the reſt. Wrong not God & thy ſelf ſo much, as to forget what good he hath done for thee; or if haply the contents of Marriage will not (as thinke in moſt they will not) anſwere the troubles; yet referre thy thoughts (for I ſpeake to men that feare God) to thoſe ſpirituall and celeſtiall priuiledges that thou doeſt now in part, and ſhalt hereafter more largely enioy. Looke to thy Father, chaſtiſing thee in this world, but ready to crowne thee in the other world. I hauehave a bad wife or husband, but a good God, and a rich inheritance in Heauen. My children bee naught, but God hath made me his child. My ſeruants euill, but my ſelfe admitted into Gods ſeruice. My ſtate low and penurious here, but my ſinnes pardoned, and a moſt glorious, honourable, and happie eſtate laid vp for me hereafter. The Lord that now doth exerciſe mee with theſe trials, will afford mee ſo much the more glorie in Heauen, by how much I hauehave more trouble in earth; and ſhall I not manfully, and chearefully beare that affliction, which will adde to mine heauenly bliſſe? Not onelyonly troubles ſuffered for righteouſneſſe ſake, doe make the Crowne of glorie more bright and weightie, but all troubles patiently ſuffered, are the ſeede of great rewards to come. Iob did not ſuffer perſecutions for righteouſneſſe ſake, yet his miſeries hauehave wonderfully augmented his happineſſe. Not onelyonly, though principally, are they bleſſed that ſuffer for Religion and well-doing, but if we ſuffer patiently for Gods ſake, bleſſed are we in theſe ſuffrings, what-euer be the occaſion of them. Loe, now I hauehave taught you how to be patient in the aduerſities of Matrimony. I hauehave one word more to ſay vntounto you, and ſo an end. Theſe whom God hath pleaſed ſo to proſper in Matrimonie, as that their troubles hauehave been but very few and light, in compariſon of the generall caſe of men in this reſpect, muſt bee earneſtly admoniſhed, to be heartily and often thankefull. Benefits loſe their chiefeſt fruit, if they come not into our hearts and mouthes, as matter of prayſe. A greater outward bleſſing, then a peacefull and proſperous liuing in marriage, what thinke you, can God giuegive vntounto a man or woman? Let not this goodneſſe bee ſleighted, if God hauehave vouchſafed it to any of you. We crie out for anguiſh, if we be croſſed; Why doe we not alſo ſhoute forth into prayſes and thankes, when wee are comforted? If God hauehave giuen thee a vertuous yoke-fellow, in whom there are few vices, and thoſe ſo ſoundly mortified, that they breake forth but little to thy griefe: wilt thou not giuegive thankes for this? What would he that hath a ſhrew, a waſte-good, an harlot, giuegive to hauehave a wife of ſuch conditions as thine? What would ſhe that hath an vnthrift, a tyrant, a whoremonger, part with, for an huſband of thine husbands qualities? Thinkeſt thou that little worth, which another that wanteth, would prize at ſo high a rate? O, let vsus not forfeit Gods benefits, or the comfort of Gods benefits, for want of eſteeming, for want of acknowledging thē. I hauehave inſtāced in caſe of huſbands & wiues; enlarge you your own thoughts to children, ſeruants, eſtates, and all other like particulars, and when you ſee that in any, or all of theſe, the Lord hath ſpared you from much of that anguiſh, which matrimony hath laden others withall, then breake forth into his prayſes, and ſay: Lord, the moſt that will marrie, do meete with much cumber in marriage; but ſuch hath been thy goodneſſe to me, that this yoke hath been very eaſie to mee, and my comforts hauehave been as great, my croſſes as few, as I could well expect in marriage: O, therefore make me more obedient to thee then others, becauſe thou haſt made my Matrimonie more eaſefull to me then many others. True thankfulneſſe muſt be rooted in the heart, and bloſſome in the tongue, and fructifie in the actions.
foreign.
FINIS.
Mortification.
A SERMON PREACHED VPONUPON THE THIRD TO THE COLOSSIANS, THE fifth Verſe; Mortifie therefore your members that are on earth.
By WILLIAM WHATELY, Preacher of the Word of God in Banburie.
Apoc. 3.21.
To him that ouercommeth, will I grant to ſit with me in my Throne, euen as I alſo ouercame, and am ſet downe with my Father in his Throne, ſaith the Amen, the true and faithfull Witneſſe, the beginning of the Creation of God.
LONDON, Imprinted by Felix Kyngston for Thomas Man. 1623.
TO THE VERTVOVS AND RELIGIOVS Lady, the Lady IOANE HERICK, all health and hapineſſe.
MAdam: This ſimple Treatiſe is yours in al right; therefore it offers it ſelfe and its ſeruice vntounto you: But at your requeſt, it had not been preached, where it was; But for your importunitie (you know well) it had much leſſe been printed, as it is. Seeing it is yours, I beſeech you accept it, and make much of it, and (if it be fit for ſo good a purpoſe) make much vſe of it. Howſoeuer, I pray you continue to wiſh well to him that ſends it, who doth much approue of your graces, and reſpect your perſon, and will alwaies continue to pray for the welfare of your ſelfe, and all yours, reſting euer,
Your Ladiſhips in all Chriſtian duties much bounden, William Whately.
TO THE CHRISTIAN READER.
GOod Reader: to deale plainely with thee, I was long afraid and aſhamed to put pen to paper, about this theame of Mortification. Not becauſe the point is not exceeding neceſſarie to be handled; but becauſe I found my ſelfe verie vnworthie and vnfit to entreate of it. Being guiltie to my ſelfe, of being farre from hauing done any thing worth the naming, in the practice of the dutie, I thought it ſcarce likely, that I ſhould doe any great good in writing of it, and I was euen aſhamed to publiſh any thing of mortification, finding my ſelfe, alas, ſo little mortified. At laſt yet, I reſolued to aduenture on this worke for two reaſons: One, becauſe I am priuie to my ſelfe, of hauing indeauoured (in ſome poore degree, and with ſome truth,) to performe my ſelfe, what here I have taught, and that alſo, not without ſome little ſucceſſe, tho farre ſhort of what I ought, and (but for mine owne careleſneſſe) might hauehave attained. Another, becauſe I conceiued, that as a man, which hauing but a ſmall ſtocke, can himſelfe make but ſmall gaines of its returne, may yet giuegive husband like directions to him that hath a larger ſtocke, by which he may improue his ten talents to more aduantage, then elſe he could doe: ſo a man, that hauing but a ſmall quantity of grace, can doe little himſelfe, may yet giuegive ſound directions to thoſe that hauehave receiued a greater meaſure of Grace, to further them much in their ſpirituall thrift. And as he that by ſome diſeaſe or wound, is halfe lame, and can goe but a ſlow pace in the knowne right way, may yet direct others to the right way, and quicken their pace, by calling vponupon them; ſo may he, whoſe corruptions ſuffer him to proceed but ſlowly in the wayes of holineſſe, ſhew that way to others, and hasten them therein. In a word, he may be a good Drummer or Trumpeter in the warre, that hath but a weake body, and feeble lims to fight. Hinder not thy ſelfe therefore, from profiting by this Work, by looking on the weakeneſſes of him that wrote it; ſtriue thou to run apace in this path, I will either follow after thee, or beare thee company, or, if I can, goe before thee, as faſt as I can. Fight thou valiantly at the ſound of this Trumpet, and I will alſo ſtriue to vſe the hand, aſwell as the mouth; and the Sword, aſwell as the Trumpet. So committing my ſelfe and thee, to the good fauour and grace of our common Father, and requiring a few of thy prayers for my ſelfe in ſpeciall, I reſt
A wel-willer to thy victory againſt thy ſpirituall foes, William Whately. Banbury, Feb. 17. 1622.
MORTIFICATION.
Coloſſ. 3.5.
Mortifie your members which are vponupon the earth.