The Amendment of Life, Book 3 · Chapter 4
Of the duties of parents towards their children. Chap: 4.
SVch as bee married doo growe to bee fathers and mothers, by bringing forth children thorough the bleſsing of God. Let vsus therefore vnderſtand the duties of parents to theyr children, and of children to theyr parents. And now wee will begin wyth parents. Firſt, of theyr due care to ſee theyr children taught to praie to God, and to rehearſe the Apoſtles Creed, and the ten commandements. For as by this exerciſe theyr heartes and mindes ſhall the rather bee inclined to godlyneſſe and reuerence toward God: ſo as they increaſe in age, they ſhall euerie daie better than other comprehend that which they learne, to theyr owne comfort and inſtruction to ſaluation. Alſo, as the tongue is called the glorie of man, becauſe that, beſides all other reaſons, by his ſpeech he is diſcerned from the brute beaſtes: ſo is it meete, that ſo ſoone as the child can begin to ſpeake, his tongue ſhould bee imployed to glorifie God, by calling vponupon him, and proteſting the grounds of faith. As alſo in repeating the will of God in ſuch ſort as he will that wee ſhould ſerue and honor him.
2 Secondly, if parents doo note anie vice in theyr little ones, as lying, choller, enuie, couetouſneſſe, contempt of parents re…dines to ſtrife, and other lyke corruptions: it is theyr duetie diligently & in time to reproue & correct them, as men vſe to plucke vp weedes while they bee yet young, leaſt growing vp among the good ſeed, they ſhoulde hinder their growth, and choake them vp. By experience wee can ſee, that mothers ſwathing theyr little ones, doo laie theyr limmes right, each in his place: likewiſe if a child be geuen to bee left handed, they chide him, yea, ſometimes they binde it vp, or otherwiſe reſtraine the vſe of it, that hee may bee accuſtomed to the right. Alſo if the childe hath ſome ſtring vnderunder his tongue, they cut it, leaſt it ſhoulde hinder his ſpeech: much rather then ought they to beware, that by theyr inconuenience the vices of the ſoule doo not increaſe: for it is the dutie of parents euen in the infancie, to beginne to ſhape and frame the ſoule vntounto vertue.
3 It is alſo the dutie of parents, to prouide that theyr children maye learne to write and reade, for it maye bee vntounto them a great helpe in the courſe of this life, and a treaſure of greater account than money. And therfore the negligence of many is ſharply to bee reproued. Beſides that, the peformance of the dueties of parents heerein, doth greatly binde theyr children vntounto them. Neuertheleſſe, the principall end thereof ſhoulde not hauehave reſpect to ſuch commoditie as the children may reape thereby towardes the vſe of this preſent life, but rather that they may reade the word of God to theyr comfort and inſtruction to ſaluation. As alſo it were theyr partes to vſe them dayly to reade ſome Chapters of the holy Scriptures, thereby to incline theyr affections to the word of God: to inure them in the phraſe of the holy Ghoſt, by lyttle and lyttle to learne the heauenly doctrine, to note the examples of Gods vengeance poured vponupon the wicked and diſobedient: and of his bleſsinges vntounto thoſe that walke in his feare. Athanaſius to this purpoſe ſayth verie well, If thou lookeſt that thy children ſhoulde obey thee,Athan. vponupon the 6. to the Ephe. ioyne and accuſtome them to Gods woorde, it wyll redound greatlye to thy profyte. Let thy children heare and reade the holy Scriptures, for in them ſhall they learne, Honour thy father and thy mother. But if thou doeſt otherwiſe, thou traineſt them vp in the Scriptures of deuilles, whereout they learne moſt wicked things. But it is not ſo when they are inſtructed in the holy Scriptures.
4 Parents therefore are diligently to applie themſelues to this which God commandeth, and ſo often and earneſtly commendeth vntounto them, namely, to inſtruct theyr children in the knowledge & feare of God,Plut. in his Lacon Apotheg. and in the faith of Ieſus Chriſt. When one asked of Ageſilaus king of Lacedemon, wherin it were beſt to inſtruct children. Hee anſwered, In thoſe things which they are to vſe in theyr age. This aunſwere ſheweth what a folly it is to linger children in the learning of vaine, trifling, and vnprofytable things, which as they grow in yeres they will contemne and forget. Parents can be carefull enough to bring vp theyr children in ſome courſe, trade, or other eſtate wherin to get their liuings, whē they come to be men: and in deede ſuch fathers as doo neglect that, are vnworthie to hauehave children: and in that conſideration dyd a certaine lawe giuer in olde time ordaine,Solon. that the child whom his parents had not trained vp in ſome conuenient courſe whereby to get his liuing, ſhould not be bound to nouriſh them in their olde age. But as the ſoule is more precious than the bodie, ſo is it the duetie of parents in youth to traine vp their children in the practiſe of thoſe thinges wherewith in age, euen in this life they may glorifie God and bee heires of the Lord.
5 And to that end they are to conſider, eſpeciallye ſo many the commandements of God, ſo expreſly inioyning parents to inſtruct their children in the heauenly doctrine.Deut. 6.6 Theſe words which I command thee this daie, ſayth Moſes, ſhall be in thine heart, thou ſhalt continually rehearſe them vntounto thy children, and ſhalt talke of them when thou tarrieſt in thine houſe, as thou walkeſt by the waie, when thou liest downe, and when thou riſeſt vp. Now the worde whereby, wee doo ſaie, Thou ſhalt teach, in that language wherein Moſes wrote, ſignifyeth, Thou shalt sharpen. Therein ſhewing, that as when wee ſhould pitch ſome ſtake in a hard ground, by making it a point, we ſharpen it: ſo parents are to ſharpen inſtruction to theyr children. But how? By often repeating vntounto them the heauenly doctrine, that it may enter euen into the dulleſt wits. Moſes hauing written that excellent ſong, which containeth ſo many notable aduertiſements, and is rehearſed in the two & thirteth chap. of Exodus,Deu. 32.4… doth adde. Set your heartes vntounto all the woordes which I testifye againſt you this daie, that yee may commaund them vntounto your children, Epheſ. 6.4.that they may obſerue and doo all the wordes of this lawe. The Apoſtle Saint Paule exhorteth Chriſtians to the lyke duetie, commaunding parents to bring vp theyr children in the inſtruction of the Lorde.
6 The examples of ſuch as hauehave ſhewed themſelues faythfull and obedient to theſe commaundementes of God, ought to moue our heartes to imitate them. This teſtimonie doth God himſelfe giuegive of Abraham,Gen. 18.19. 1. King. 2.1 1. Chro. 28.9 that he knew that he would command his children, and his familie after him to keepe the wayes of the Lord, and to miniſter iuſtice and iudgement. Dauid before his death, gaue notable and holy preceptes vntounto Salomon, admoniſhing him to keepe the commandements of God, and to walke in his feare. And it is not the dutie of fathers onelyonly, but alſo of mothers to bring vp their children, and to inſtruct them in the knowledge and feare of the Lord.Prou. 31 2. Tim. 1.5 Act. 16.1 As Bethſheba, Dauids wife, gaue notable inſtructions to her ſonne Salomon, as appeareth in the booke of Prouerbes. And as Saint Paul beareth witnes, that Timothie euen in his childhood was inſtructed in holy writ, thereby commending the faith of his grandmother Loys, and his mother Eunice, by whom no doubt hee was taught, eſpecially conſidering his father was a Gentile.
7 Saint Hierome writing to Leta, not only exhorteth her to inſtruct her daughter in her youth in holy writ, but alſo telleth her, that her ſelfe muſt teach her. Let her (ſayth he) in ſtead of precious ſtones and ſilks, louelove godly bookes, and in thoſe bookes let her delight, not in the leaues beautifyed with ſundrie colours, but in the diſtinct and pure doctrine according to faith. Firſt, let her learne the Pſalter, that by ſuch Canticles ſhe may forſake the world: and in Salomons Prouerbes let her bee taught to liue vertuouſly. In Eccleſiaſtes let her accuſtome her ſelfe to tread vnderunder foot and to contemne worldly matters: & in the booke of Iob let her imitate his example of vertue and patience. Let her laie holde of the Goſpels, and ſtill keepe them in hand, and with her whole hart let her learne the Acts and Epiſtles of the Apoſtles. Thus when ſhe hath ſtored the cloſet of her heart with ſuch treaſure, let her by heart learne the Prophets, the bookes of Moſes, of Kings, of Chronicles, Eſdras, and Heſter, & laſt of all let her learne Salomons ſong. For if ſhee ſhoulde reade that firſt, ſhee might take harme, as not vnderſtanding the holye ſonges of ſpirituall marriage vnderunder carnall wordes. But let her forbeare all Apocrypha: let her bee ſtill buſied in the bookes of Cyprian, Athanaſius, and Hillarie. It maye ſeeme that Saint Hierome requireth much, & more than a chriſtian maiden, albeit zealous, is able to performe. But let this exhortation make the maidens of our daies to bluſh, yea, euen men and women, who are ſo farre from this dutie, that they are not able to alleadge one ſentence of holy Scripture, either for their own comfort, or to reſell the errour of heretikes, or to inſtruct their neighbours.
8 Moreouer, Parents are commanded to inſtruct their children, not onelyonly in the worde, but alſo in the vnderſtanding of the Sacraments, ſacrifices, and other of Gods holye ordinaunces. When thy childe, Deut. 6.20ſayth Moſes, ſhall hereafter aske thee, ſaying: What meane theſe testimonies, ordinances, and lawes, which the Lorde our God hath commanded you? Then ſhalt thou ſaie vntounto thy ſonne, Wee were Pha…aohs bond men in Egypt, but the Lord brought vsus out of Egypt with a mightie hande, and the Lord ſhewed ſignes and great wonders and euill vponupon Egypt, vponupon Pharaoh, and vponupon all his houſehold… before our eies: And brought vsus out from thence, to bring vsus in and to giuegive vsus the lande which hee ſware vntounto our fathers. Therefore the Lord hath commaunded vsus to doo all theſe ordinances, & to feare the Lord our God, that it may go euer well with vsus, and that hee may preſerue vsus aliue as at this preſent. Exod. 12.26Particularly concerning the paſcall lambe, Moſes ſayd: When your children aske you what ſeruice is this you keepe? Then ſhall yee ſaie, It is the ſacrifice of the Lordes paſſeouer, Exod. 13.14who paſsed ouer the houſes of the children of Iſrael in Egypt, when hee ſmote the Egyptians and preſerued our houſes. Hee lykewiſe ordayned that they ſhould teach theyr children what was meant by the commaundement, to offer vntounto God euerie male that firſt openeth the wombe, and to redeeme the firſt borne of theyr children. When thy ſonne ſhall aske thee to morrowe, ſaying: What is this? Thou ſhalt then ſaie vntounto him: With a mightie hand the Lord brought vsus out of Egipt, out of the houſe of bondage: For when Pharaoh was hard hearted againſt our departing, the Lorde then ſlew all the first borne in the land of Egipt, therefore I ſacrifice vntounto the Lord all the males that firſt open the wombe, but all the firſt borne of my ſonnes I redeeme. Ioſua 4.21.And as Ioſua commanded the people to take the twelue ſtones that they tooke out of Iordan when thy paſſed ouer drie ſhood: ſo hee inioyned the fathers to teach theyr children the ſignification of thoſe ſtones, thereby to remember Gods wonderfull workes.
9 By the premiſes wee may manifeſtly ſee the duties of Chriſtian parents, to teach theyr children: But how doo they perform it? Themſelues (at the leaſt for the moſt parte) knowe not the ſignification of Baptiſme, or the ſupper, or wherefore thoſe Sacramentes were inſtituted. How can they then put in action theſe commandements of God, or inſtruct their children in heuenly doctrin? When they ſhall aske what is ſignified by the water that is p…ured vponupon the babe, or by the bread or wine that are deliuered in the holye ſupper? How many bee there that can teach or tell them? What a ſlackneſſe is this, that wee profyte no better in obedience to God, in a matter ſo requiſite and neceſſarie, as is the inſtruction of our children?
10 Neyther is this all, for they are alſo diligently to note Gods wonderfull workes, whether in the chaſtiſing of his people, in the deliuerie of his Church, or in the puniſhing of his enemies,Deut. 4 9 & thereof to make reporte to theyr children: thereby to teach them to feare God, and to put theyr truſt in him. Take heed to thy ſelfe, ſayth Moſes, and keepe thy ſoule diligently, that thou forget not the thinges which thine eies hauehave ſeene, & that they depart not out of thy hart all the daies of thy life, but teach them to thy ſonnes, and to thy ſonnes ſonnes. This dutie is more amplie declared in the 78. pſalme,Pſalme 78.2 where the prophet ſayth thus: I will open my mouth in a parable, I will declare high ſentences of olde, which wee hauehave heard and knowen, and our fathers hauehave tolde vsus. Wee will not hide them from their children, but to the generation to come wee will ſhew the praiſes of the Lord, his power alſo and his wonderfull workes that he hath done. How hee establiſhed a testimonie in Iacob, and ordained a lawe in Iſrael, which hee commanded our Fathers that they ſhoulde teache their children, &c. Ezechias king of Iuda, beeing recouered of a daungerous ſickneſſe, proteſteth, that the fruit of his deliuerie ſhall be to praiſe God, and to inſtruct his children in the lyke dutie. The liuing, ſayth hee, the liuing ſhall confeſse thee. Eſa. 38.19The father to the children ſhall declare thy truth. God hauing grieuouſly chaſtiſed his people, ſayth by the prophet Ioel, Such a thing was done in your time, or in the time of your fathers, tell ye it to your children, and your children to their children, and their children to another generation.
Ioel 1.3By the premiſes may parents vnderſtand how farre in duty they are bound to inſtruct theyr children in the heauenly doctrine, and to rehearſe vntounto them the wonderfull workes of God, that euen from theyr youth they may print in theyr heartes true godlyneſſe, with an apprehenſion of lyfe euerlaſting, & ſo leade them into the knowledge and obedience of God. But what? Some parents are ſo ignorant, that albeit they would, yet are they not able to teach theyr children. As this ignorance is vnbeſeeming any chriſtian, ſo ſhoulde the feeling thereof induce them to ſeeke to profit in the knowledge of the word and workes of God: firſt, in regard of their owne comfort and conſolation, next, that they may bee able to inſtruct their children. We reade of many, who euen in their old age hauehave learned the Greeke tong or the arts. Yea, there was one that ſaid, that albeit one of his feet were in the graue, yet wold he learn. But our argument importeth not the knowledge or the learning of the artes or ſciences that ſerueth this preſent life, but the knowledge requiſite for the glorifying of God, and the attaining to life euerlaſting. And therefore it were good they ſhould begin to profit in ſo ne…eſſary a felicity rather late than neuer: yet not in reſpect onelyonly of their owne perſons, but alſo, as is aforeſaid, that according to ſo many commandements, ſo expreſſe and ſo often reiterated, they may be able to inſtruct their children. We reade of a Grecian Ladie, who being a mother, learned the liberall arts, that ſhe might teach her children, and thereby purchaſed great praiſe.Euridice. Plut. in the bringing vp of children How much rather ought parents to be careful and zealous to profit in the heauenly doctrine, were it onelyonly to be able to inſtruct their children?
12 At the leaſt, if they want knowledge, or bee vnwilling to take leaſure to teach them, yet let them do as much for their ſoules and the life to come, as for their bodies and this preſent life. Parents that either cannot write and reade, or will not, or hauehave not time to teach their children, will yet ſend them to ſchoole: and ſuch as would hauehave them learn ſome art or occupation, or tra…ike, if them ſelues profeſſe not the ſame wherin they like to imploy their children, they will yet put thē to dwell with thoſe that do profeſſe the ſame, to the end they may learne. How therfore can parents excuſe thēſelues, when their children remain vntaught in theſe things that concern the glory of God & life euerlaſting. But howſoeuer it be, if they be neither able of themſelues, nor do prouide to hauehave them taught by others, they ſhall be inexcuſable in the ſight of God: & the ignorance of the children, ingendering contempt of God, louelove of the world, & neglect of heauenly felicitie, wil cry out for euerlaſting vengeance againſt their parents: ſo that if they account not their children as beaſts without ſoul, or if they louelove them with the due louelove belonging to parents, let them declare their louelove, eſpecially to the ſoule, the Chriſtian inſtruction whereof ſurmounteth all worldly treaſure. An ancient Philoſopher ſaid, that hee could hauehave bin content to hauehave gone vp into the higheſt pinacle in the towne,Crates. Plut. in th… bringing vp of children. thence to hauehave cried, O fathers, what meane you that imploy your whol indeuors to get riches, why are ye ſo careleſſe for the inſtructing of your children, to whom ye leaue thē. It is, as if parents whē their childe were ſicke to the death, without prouiding for his health, ſhould prepare him new garments. Some ſay it would be a great comfort for them in heauen to know their neere kindred, & conſequently their children: and this commeth of natural affection. But might it not be a greater diſcomfort for them, euē in their life time, to ſee them go to hell for want of inſtruction? T…e Lacedemonians were very careful to bring vp their children in vertue, according to the lawes of Lycurgus, their law giuer: & therby grew to this cuſtome, that if anie man committed anie treſpaſſe, it was lawfull for anie that ſawe him, freely to reproue him: and it was a great reproch to miſlike of ſuch reprehenſion.
13 Some charge their childrē to be dulwitted, & hard to be bowed or brought to vertue. Albeit naturall inclination bee a great helpe to profiting, yet exerciſe & cuſtome to do wel, is a mightie meanes to bend and ſhape them that waie, yea, euen ſuch, that by experience wee finde this olde prouerbe true, Vſe ouercommeth nature. And this dyd Lycurgus, the Lacedemonian lawe giuer verie aptly demonſtrate to his people.Plut. in his Lacon. Apot…eg. Hee tooke two whelpes, the one of a hunting kinde, the other of a maſtiffe that followed the kitchin. Then dyd hee bring vp the maſtiffe to the game, and the hound to the kitchen. Afterward meaning to make demonſtration, and ſo to perſwade the people to his purpoſe, hee cauſed them to bee aſſembled, and brought forth his two dogs, where ſetting downe a diſh of pottage, and withall caſting off a hare, the hound fell to the pottage, the maſtiffe followed the hare. Behold then (ſayth he) what it is of doctrine & vſe, he that came of a hunting kind, yet vſed to the kitchin, followeth his pottage, and the other come of a maſtiffe, following the kitchin, being now vſed to the game, followeth the hare. The wheele-wright doth by ſtrength bow his timber, & letting it he long in that bent, it abideth crooked. Barren ground wel tilled, ſoyled and ſown with good ſeed, groweth fruitfull & yeeldeth good increaſe: Iron weareth with handling: The water by continuall dropping weareth the ſtone: Wilde beaſts may bee tamed, and wilde coltes by cuſtome bee brought to the ſaddle, and are content to bee lead by the bridle: The Greekes named Manners by a word that ſignified Cuſtome. Thereby to declare, that euen the dulleſt capacities may by inſtruction and cuſtome bee faſhioned to vertue: As contrariwiſe, the wit moſt inclined by nature to vertue, may by bad inſtruction and the conuerſion of the wicked, be peruerted and grow vicious.
14 Parents therefore are heerein to reſpect two pointes. Firſt, to begin to frame and bend their children in their tender youth to vertue, remembring that a ſeale entereth deepeſt into ſofteſt waxe. Plato warneth mothers and nurſes from telling fooliſh tales to theyr children, leaſt they infect theyr tender wits with folly & aſtoniſhment. Experience ſheweth, that children will ſooner learn anie language by conuerſation thā older folkes Alſo, that the yonger the twigge is, the ſooner it is bent or made ſtraight. Secondly, it is the parents duetie to reſtraine their children from haunting & conuerſing with ſuch as bee vicious and peruerſe. And in deed, we ſee that they doo ſoone learne villanous and vnſeemely ſpeeches, and malitious and leaude actions wyth theyr corruptions, and as the olde prouerbe ſayth, Halting with the lame they ſhal learne to halt. A child that naturally ſpeaketh well, by conuerſing with ſuch as corrupt theyr ſpeech, ſhal degenerate and ſpeake as badly. Tie a young twigge that is crooked with a ſtraight one that is ſtronger than it, and in growing it wil become ſtraight, & ſo continue when it is vndone. And contrariwiſe, a ſtraight one tied to that which is crooked and ſtronger than it ſelfe, will grow & continue crooked. 15 The Lacedemonians were maruellous carefull to prouide, that their children ſhould not be corrupted by euill companie. And in regard thereof,Plutarch in his Laconical… we reade that when Antipater demanded of them fiftie children for hoſtages: one of their chiefe magiſtrates named Etheocles, aduiſed thē not to condeſcend thereto, leaſt they being brought vp in the ſocietie of ſuch as were wholy giuen to pleaſure and vice, might peraduenture grow vicious, and ſo bring home afterward to their countrie nothing but corruption and miſerie: and therupon in lieu of fiftie children, they offred the double number of men and women, and ſo of aged perſons alreadie formed, & of ſtrength and diſcretion to withſtand vice and corruption. Laſtly, when Antipater ſtill vrged them to ſend their children, and vſed great threates in caſe they ſhould diſobey: they plainly anſwered, ſaying: Let him, if he can, require anie thing more grieuous than death, for rather will we condiſcend thereto, than to ſend our children. O wonderfull conſtancie, and care to preſerue their children from vice and corruption! If the heathen had ſuch regarde to this vertue, importing the training vp of their children in the obſeruatiō of the laws of a mortall man, what a ſhame may it be vntounto chriſtian parents that are ſo negligent in bringing vp theyr children in the heauenly doctrine, and forming theyr manners and behauiors to pietie and godlynes in the feare and obedience of God? Moreouer, by this example may parents take warning, when they mean to put forth their children to anie trade or occupation, eyther to learning, carefully to ſee and enquire whether ſuch as they thinke to place them withal be vertuous or endued with the fear of God. In the admittance of a ſeruant, the feare of ſome temporall or carnall inconuenience, cauſeth thee to enquire of his or her truth or other qualities. Therefore if thou committeſt a childe to the inſtruction of a maſter, before thou enquireſt of his vertues, thou ſheweſt that thou haſt leſſe care of corrupting or infecting thy child with vice, than of ſome ſmall incouenience that might happen by an vnthriftie ſeruant. When thou buyeſt an earthen pot, thou ſoundeſt vponupon it, to ſee whether it be broken, leaſt thou ſhoulde be deceiued in a ſmall peece of monie, yet doeſt thou not ſound, whether the maſter to whome thou committeſt thy child be vicious or vertuous, albeit by putting him to one that is vicious, thou putteſt him in danger of loſſe both of body and ſoule.
16 Some doo reſpect their friendſhip with ſome maſters rather than their vertue, and ſo doo commit to them their children, leaſt they ſhould be angrie for putting them to another. Theſe men do reſemble him, who being daungerouſly ſick, vſeth the aduiſe of an ignorant phiſition that is his kinſeman or familiar friend, for feare he ſhould take offence if he ſhuld cal another, albeit without compariſon more learned & skilfull. If thou ſhouldeſt hauehave any waightie matter in law, wouldeſt thou rather commit thy cauſe to an ig…an… and negligent atturney, becauſe he is thy friende, than to him that were both diligent and learned? Making a voiage through ſome daungerous ſea, wouldeſt thou in a tempeſt commit thy ſhip to a yong pilot, vnskilful, or dronke, becauſe he is thy friend? what a foole art thou that wilt not take the like care of the profit, honor, and ſaluation of thy child?
17 Others commit their children either to him that is beſt cheap or by whome they may growe into greateſt aduancement in the world, but neuer reſpect the hazard of their child, ſo they may either ſpare or get worldly goods. When one ſhewed the Orator Lycurgus,Eraſ. Apo. li. 8 that hee had offered great wages to a philoſopher to teach his children, he vertuouſly anſwered: If anie man will aſſure me to reſtore me my children endued with more vertue, I will giuegive him not onelyonly that ſome, but euen halfe my goods. The vertuous and wiſe Emperor Marcus Aurelius writeth, that in the Annals of the Tarentine warre, he found that the renowmed Purlius did weare a ring, wherein was ingrauen this ſentence, The dominion of the whole earth is a ſmall reward to him that is vertuous, but to the vicious the loſſe of life is a ſimple puniſhment. Heereby may fathers learne how carefully they ought to reſtraine their children frō vice & to inure thē to vertue. As in deede the fathers that inſtruct, or cauſe their children to be inſtructed, do far excel ſuch as onelyonly do beget them, for of theſe they receiue life only, of the other good and vertuous life.
18 Moreouer, parents ought not ſo much to relie vponupon the diligence of childrens maſters, as neuer to care to vnderſtād how they profite and proceed in vertue: for the regarde of ſuch diligence would make the maſters more carefully to diſcarge their dueties. And thereof came the prouerbe, The masters eie fatteth the horſe: & this: The maſters eie is the fruitfulnes of the garden. Parents ought not too much to hearken or credite children, when they complaine of their maſters rigor and ſeueritie. Among the Lacedemonians, if the children vponupon the reproofe or chaſtiſement of any whoſoeuer,Plutar. in his Lacon. Inſtit. (for anie man was at libertie to vſe correction, euen to other mens children) did complaine to their parents, the ſame was a great reproch to them, becauſe themſelues corrected not their children. Not that we are not in diſcretion to inquire or take notice whether the maſter vſeth crueltie or inhumanitie towarde them, leaſt through too much rigor & hard vſage, they ſhuld grow deſperate.
19 Howbeit ſuch is the inclination of many, euen from theyr youth, to wickedneſſe, that inſtruction by words, either of parents or maſters, will not ſuffice without the rodde and correction. And this doth God command, and experience ſheweth it to bee moſt neceſſarie. He that ſpareth the rod (ſayth Salomon) hateth the childe, Prou. 13.24 Prou. 19.18 Pro. 29.15. & 17. Prou. 23.13but he that loueth him baſteth to correction. Againe, Correct thy childe while there is hope, and regard not his crying. Againe, The rod and correction minister wiſedome, but the child lefte at libertie ſhameth his mother. Correct thy ſonne, & he will giuegive thee rest and pleaſure to thy ſoule. Withdrawe not correction from thy child, if thou ſmite him with the rod hee ſhall not die. Thou ſhalt ſmite him with the rod, and deliuer his ſoule from hell. The booke of Eccleſiaſticus intreateth heereof more at large, ſaying: He that loueth his ſonne cauſeth him oft to feele the rod, Eccle. 30.1… & ….that he may hauehave ioy of him in the end. Hee that chastiſeth his ſon ſhall hauehave ioy in him, and ſhall reioyce of him among his acquaintance. An vntamed horſe will be ſtubborne, and a wanton child will be wilfull. 8.9.10.11.12 13.If thou bring vp thy ſonne delicatly, he ſhal make thee afraid, & if thou play with him he ſhall bring thee to heauines. Laugh not with him, least thou be ſorie with him, and least thou gnaſh thy teeth in the end. GiueGive him no libertie in his youth, and winke not at his folly. Bow downe his necke while he is young, and beat him on the ſides, leaſt he waxe ſtubborne and be diſobedient to thee, and ſo bring ſorrow to thy heart. Chaſtiſe thy child, & be diligent therein, leaſt his ſhame grieue thee. In this ſenſe do we ſay, that many times the rod is better for children than bread. And in deed as Phiſitions, ſurgeons, & Apothecaries are neceſſarie in a town for the cure of ſicknes and bodily wounds, ſo are rods & chaſtiſement for the correction of the corruptions of the ſoule.
20 Herein is God ſo reſolute, that in the dutie of the father to chaſtiſe his child, he willeth vsus to learn that he doth the office of a father when he chaſtiſeth vsus with afflictions. And as a father by correction declareth a true louelove to his child, with a deſire of his good and ſaluation:Heb. 12 ſo is it the will of God that wee ſhould receiue ſuch afflictions as he laieth vpō vsus, as effects of his louelove towards vsus, & as teſtimonies that he accepteth vsus as his lawfull children and no baſtardes. Likewiſe, if ſeeing many children fighting together, wee alſo ſee a man come and correct onelyonly one of them, wee preſently thinke that to bee his childe, becauſe hee performeth the dutie of a father, and ſo ſheweth that hee loueth him better than the reſt whome hee letteth goe without correction. Therefore as wee ſaie, that the pittiful and gentle Surgion empaireth the wounds, ſo doth too much gentleneſſe toward children, and winking at their faults, without correction, breed theyr diſobedience, vnthriftineſſe, and miſerie. Likewiſe, as God is thereby greatly diſhonoured, ſo doeth hee not ſuffer the parents that are ſlacke in theyr duetie to their children to eſcape ſcot free. And to this purpoſe hauehave we a notable example in Holy the high prieſt: for when he heard of the wickedneſſe and offenſiue dealings of his ſons Ophny & Phinces, he vſed ſome verball reprehenſions: yet becauſe he neither reproued nor chaſtiſed thē more ſharply, God obiecteth to him their iniquities ſaying: Wherefore hauehave you kicked againſt my ſacrifice, and haſt honored thy children more than me? 1. Sam. 2Then doth hee pronounce alſo this horrible ſentence, That the prieſthoode ſhould be taken from his houſe, that both his ſonnes ſhould die in one daie, and that none of his poſteritie ſhould hue to bee an olde man. Dauid alſo vſed too much lenitie as well to his ſonne Ammon, when hee had defloured his ſiſter Thamar, as alſo to Abſalom when hee traiterouſly ſlew the ſayd Ammon:2. Sam. 13 1. King. 1.6. and to his ſonne Adomah, of whom the hiſtorie ſayth, that albeit Dauid dyd plainly ſee, that contrarie to Gods will, hee purpoſed to inuade the realme, yet would hee not diſpleaſe him. But the death of Ammon, the curſed conſpiracie of Abſalom againſt his own father, together with the ſtrange manner of his death, and the death of Adomah, were the moſt wretched fruites of his greate lenitie and conniuence to his children. The lyke iudgement may wee note in the fathers of the children that ſcorned the Prophet Helizeus, and vppon his curſe were deuoured by Beares: For it is like that theyr parents had not brought them vp…n due correction and chaſtiſement. In the hiſtorie of the Switzers, we reade of a certaine tyrant, whome vponupon his condemnation, his own father was appointed to execute, that ſo by the author of his life he might come to his end: alſo that the father might be ſomewhat puniſhed for neglecting the inſtruction of his ſonne. 23 Yet is it not meant, that parents vppon eueryevery eſcape of theyr child, ſhould vſe extreame rigor and ſeuerity, for the ſame muſt be entermixed with diſcretion and gentlenes, according to the nature of the child, and the qualitie of the offence. And in that ſenſe ſaith Saint Paul, Fathers prouoke not your children to wrath, but bring them vp in inſtruction and information of the Lord. Againe,Ephe. 6.4. Col. 3.2… Fathers prouoke not your children to anger, leaſt they be diſcouraged, VntoUnto children naturally inclined to vertue, praiſe for well doing, and chiding when they doo amiſſe, are more effectuall than rigorous intreatie. For praiſe allureth them to vertue, and chiding reſtraineth them from vice. And therefore ſuch muſt be according to the occaſions, ſomtimes praiſed, and ſometimes checked, that if they bee too merry, they may by a word be humbled, or if they be too much daunted, ſome commendation may reuiue them. And herein we are to imitate nurſes, who ſometimes making their babes to crie, do immediatly giuegive them the breaſt to appeaſe them againe.
22 Againe, parents or others that hauehave the bringing vp of youth, are to require no more of them than they are able to do, leaſt they diſcourage them and make them to hate their ſtudie, or any other thing whereto they would bring them. For it is louelove that cauſeth vsus to profit in our ſtudies or exerciſes. And therefore it is needful that children ſhoulde hauehave ſome time of recreation from their labours: for our life conſiſteth and is diuided into exerciſe and reſt, as we ſee, in the daie labour, and in the night reſt, which doth ſtyll accompanie the whole courſe of our life. And this is it that an ancient man ſaith: Reſt is the ſauce that maketh vsus to reliſh our labour. As alſo we vſe to ſlack the ſtrings of our bowes and lutes, to make thē the ſtiffer, & to hold the better when we liſt to ſhoote or plaie. Plants reaſonably watered doo take heart and grow, but too much moiſture doth drowne and choake them: euen ſo is it with the mindes of children: Moderate exerciſe and labour aduanceth them to goodneſſe, but oppreſsion dulleth and ſpoileth them.
23 It is alſo the dutie of parents to maintaine their children in peace, concord, and amitie. For if diſcord & contention be dangerous and pernitious among all men, how much rather between brethren & ſiſters? Likewiſe if it be hard quenching of ſtomacke and debate betweene thoſe that are not conioyned in kindred, it is far more difficult to reunite brethren, becauſe enmitie among them is mightie and ſtrong like yron bars to keepe them aſunder. Neither is there anie thing more ſlipperie or of greater efficacie to ſubuert a family, than diſſention among brethren. It is an olde ſaying,Plutarch in his Apotheg: By concord ſmall things do grow, but by diſcord great things come to nought. And this is ſooneſt found among brethren. Scilurus, who had fourſcore children, to induce them to liue together in peace & concord, did verie aptly repreſent vntounto them the truth of this ſentence thus: He toke a ſheafe of many arrowes, & offered it to each of his children one after another, willing them to break it, but they could not. Then pulling forth the arrowes one by one, they brake them all. Euen thus, ſayd their father, is it with you, for ſo long as you remaine vnited and louelove each other, no man can hurt or break you, but if once ye fall at iarre and ſtrife, eueryevery man will deſtroy & ouerthrow you. This duetie of parents to keepe their children in peace & louing concord, did the Lacedemonians well vnderſtand. For when on a time two brethren fell at ſtrife and contention,Plut. in his Lacon Apotheg. they puniſhed both the father and mother, becauſe by good inſtruction they had not preuented, or at the leaſt, preſently appeaſed the diſſention betweene their children.
24 Againe, how dangerous it is for parents to ſhew more louelove & affection to one child than to another, except vponupon great and iuſt cauſe, the example of Iacobs childrē doth teſtifie. For what was the originall of their enuie and crueltie executed againſt their brother Ioſeph? Moſes ſaith, that Iacob louing Ioſeph better than his brethren,Gen. 37.3. made him a partie coloured coate, & thereof they tooke occaſion to hate him, and to ſpeake roughly vntounto him. Parents therefore to the end to preuent like inconueniences, are to vſe equalitie among theyr children ſo neere as may be, whether in their ordinarie vſage, or in the diuiſion of their goods. For as all men naturally are inclined but too much to the louelove of earthly goods, ſo the vnequal ſharing of the ſame, doth oftentimes breed great braules and pernitious debate betweene brethren.
25 Moreouer, as children grow toward the ſtate of matrimony, it is meet that theyr parents ſhould reſtrain them from all companie whereby they might be allured to the ſinne of fornication: For beſides the hainouſnes of the offence againſt God, the incōueniences thereof depending are for the moſt parte verie pernitions. If ſuch miſchiefes enſued between Thamar & Ammon, Dauids children, how much rather are they to bee feared in the ouer familyar conuerſation of thoſe that are nothing a kin, at the leſt not ſo neere as they?Gen. 34 Had Iacob kept in his daughter Dina, and not ſuffered her to runne abroad to ſee the daughters of Sichem, ſhe had not beene rauiſhed and deſloured; neither had that wicked and abhominable murther committed by her brethren bene perpetrated. As alſo if the daughters of Silo had not gone to dancing, the Beniamites had neuer rauiſhed them.Iud. 21.20.
26 Among all remedies, as Saint Paul teacheth, marriage is one: and in deede the parents that hauehave honeſtly matched their daughter, they hauehave diſcharged themſelues of a great care: for it is theyr partes to thinke thereof,1, Cor. 7 and generally to prouide for the marriage of theyr children: not to tarrie, vntill through their negligence, peeuiſhneſſe, and other difficulties in that prouiſion for them, the children take occaſion of lewdneſſe, or ſo ſhip themſelues without the knowledge of their parents, that afterward they bee forced to proceede to that that may redound to theyr greate ſorrow and heartbreaking. So dyd Abraham thinke vppon the marriage of his ſonne Iſaac, & to that end committed the charge thereof to his eldeſt and moſt faithfull ſeruant,Gen. 24.3 whome hee wylled to ſeeke a wife for his ſonne: as in truth it is not properly for the children, but for the parents to thinke vponupon and prouide for the ſame. The ſame doth Ieremie teach, where writing to the Iewiſh Fathers in the captiuitie of Babylon, hee ſayth,Iere. 29.6 Iud. 14.2 Take wiues for your ſonnes, and giuegive your daughters in marriage. Heereupon when Sampſon had found a maiden to his lyking, himſelfe dyd not demaunde her in marriage, but comming to his parents hee ſayd,Gen. 34.3 GiueGive mee her to Wife. Likewyſe Sichem the ſonne of Hemor, hauing bent his heart vntounto Dina the daughter of Iacob, ſayde vntounto his father, GiueGive mee this maide to wife. Yet is it meete, that as the parents make the motion, ſo the children giuegive the conſent.Gen. 24.57 This dyd Laban declare, when talking of Rebecca, whome Abrahams ſeruant craued in marriage for his maſters ſonne Iſaac, he ſayde, Let vsus call the mayden and aske her conſent: So calling her, they ſayde vntounto her, Wilt thou goe with this man? And ſhee aunſwered, I will go. For of matching eyther ſonne or daughter agaynſt theyr wylles, there doo many times ariſe great inconueniences and much ſorrowe and griefe: yea, the lawyers are of opinion, that a free wyll is not ſo expedient in anie thing as in marryage.
27 Now,1. Cor. 7.40. as it is the dutie of parents to prouide to match their children, ſo are they diligently to ſee it be done, as Saint Paul ſaith In the Lord: that is, not to demaund anie maiden for their ſonne, or to accept anie ſonne for their daughter, vnleſſe the ſame bee affected to true religion, and make profeſsion thereof, hauing a good reporte of pietie, the feare of God, and other Chriſtian vertues: which qualities and giftes of God are to be preferred before wealth, or anie other worldly or carnall conſiderations. So when Abraham ſent his man to ſeeke a wife for his ſonne Iſaac,Gen, 24.3 he ſware him that hee ſhoulde not take anie Daughter of Chanaan. So when Sampſon required his parents to giuegive him a wife of the daughters of the Philiſtians, they aunſwered: Is there neuer a wife among the daughters of thy brethren, Iudg. 14.3or among my people, that thou muſt go take a wife of the vncircumciſed Philistines? If Parents would conſider of the daunger of the loſſe of theyr childrens ſoules, by matching them with ſuch as are of a contrarie religion, or otherwyſe giuen more to the world than to pietie and the ſeruice of God: eyther what ſtrife or contention doo for the moſt part enſue of ſuch marriages: how ſmall comfort is taken in the ſame: how ſlenderlie the dutie of praier is performed: and what a neglygence or hinderance they are to the bringing vp of children in the feare of God: they woulde abhorre euen to thinke of anie ſuch match, and in few ſpeeches preferre him that were endued with godlyneſſe & other vertues, before riches and all other carnall and worldly conſiderations. They would put in practiſe the wiſe aduertiſement propounded by Salomons mother, albeit but ſimply folowed by her ſonne, which wee reade in the Prouerbes, Many daughters hauehave done vertuouſly, Prou. 31.29but thou ſurmounteſt them all: Fauour is deceitfull, and beautie is vanitie, but the woman that feareth the Lord ſhall be praiſed. But if the difficultie reſt in queſtion of maintenance for the familie, let parents remember, that it is better to chooſe knowledge than wealth, that is, skill and induſtrie howe to get, than goods alreadye gotten, and in his poſſeſsion that hath no skill or knowledge howe to vſe them. Heereto may wee referre the anſwere of Themiſtocles,Plutarch in his life. Ci. in the firſt booke of offices. who purpoſing to marrie his daughter, and beeing asked why hee preferred a vertuous man before a rich, anſwered: That he liked better of a man without monie, than of monie without a man: or, as ſome doo write, that hee had rather match his daughter to a head of a man, than to a head of ſiluer. And therefore to conclude this ſpeech, we may wel ſay, it is better to match our children with Chriſtian & vertuous heads that hauehave litle monie, than with much treaſure in the poſſeſsion of worldly and vicious heads.
28 Heereto will we yet adde two points concerning the duties of parents to their children: firſt, that in all their wordes & workes they be vntounto them continuall examples and myrrors of pietie and vertue: ſo ſhall their admonitions & exhortations be ſtill of greater efficacie, and themſelues ſhall hauehave more authoritie to reproue, admoniſh, & chaſtiſe their children. And in deed, the ſame that Marcus Aurelius ſaith, that to make children vertuous, they ſhall more profit by good example in one month, than by inſtructiō in a whole yere, may be moſt truely applied vntounto parents. He that teacheth a childe to write may ſometime ſaye, yee muſt make this letter long, this ſhort, this ſtraight &c. But the chiefe meanes to make him to profit in writing, is to ſet him good examples or coppies & to write before him. And ſo is it in the inſtruction of vertue and the feare of God. For contrariwiſe, he that teacheth well, and liueth euil, buildeth with one hand and pulleth downe with another. And experience teacheth that more may be pulled downe in one hower, then will be built vp in one day. The euill example of parents, is as a line to draw the children to follow them. And therefore the Prophet Ezechiell reprouing the people of his time for their Idolatrie, and other corruptions, declareth that therin they hauehave taken the ordinarie courſe, that is,Ezech. 16, 42. they hauehave followed the example of their parents. Behold ſaith he, all that vſe prouerbs, ſhall vſe this prouerbe againſt thee, ſaying, like mother, like daughter: Thou art thy mothers daughter that hath caſt off her hushand and her children, and thou art the ſiſter of thy ſiſters, which forſooke their husbands and their children, your mother is an Hittite, and your father an Ammorite. Here are three olde prouerbes, which proue that children ordinarily are ready to imitate the bad examples of their parents. Firſt, Like mother, like daughter. Secondly, Thou art thy mothers daughter. Thirdly, Thy mother is an Hittite and thy father an Ammorite. That is to ſay. Thy parents forſaking the ſeruice of God hauehave giuen themſelues to the idolatries of the Ammorites and Hittites, and thou haſt followed their example. The ſame did the Emperour Marcus Aurelius (who aboue all men, was careful to bring vp his children in vertue) obiect to his wife: for ſpeaking to her of the inſtruction of her daughters, hee ſaid: What will it auaile for her miſtres to teach her honeſtie and modeſtie, when our ſelues in our workes doe inuite her to wantonneſſe?
29 Verball inſtruction, without example of good deedes, is a dead doctrine: and contrariwiſe, good examples are the life of inſtruction, to make it profitable and effectuall. If the example of parents be contrarie to their inſtruction: If (I ſay) they teach their children ſobrietie, modeſtie and chaſtitie, and yet themſelues wil follow drunkenneſſe, foule and laſciuious ſpeeches, geſtures, and actions: it is as if with their tongues they ſhould ſay, Be vertuous, and by the hands lead them with them to al vice and corruption.Plut. in the Educat. of children. Wicked fathers, ſaith a certanie heathen Philoſopher, are wicked counſellers to their children. If we would take him to bee a monſter in nature, and vnworthie to liue in a common wealth, that ſhould counſell his childe to drunkenneſſe and fornication: what ſhall wee thinke of thoſe, who committing ſuch iniquitie, doe by their example much more mightily put forward their children to ſuch abomination, then by word they are able? What accompt can thoſe fathers giuegive vntounto God, who by their euill example hauehave drawne into hel their children whom he deliuered to their charge to be guided into heauen? Albeit ſuch fathers pitie not themſelues, yet at the leaſt let them take pitie of their children, and not carrie them with them into euerlaſting deſtruction.Plut. in the precepts of marriage. Wee reade that the graue perſonage Cato, depoſed a ſenator out of the Senat of Rome, onelyonly becauſe hee kiſſed his wife in the preſence of her daughter. This truly was extreme ſeueritie, eſpecially if we conſider the maners of our daies. But this Ethnick hereby declared how grieuouſly ſuch parents are to be reproued, as ſhall vſe any lewd ſpeeches or ſhameleſſe behauiour: in briefe, any worldly or carnall actions in the preſence of their children, to whome their example may be as a diſpenſation to giuegive thēſelues to the like. As alſo how can they forbid that in their children, which themſelues doe commit? How can they correct them for the faultes which themſelues doe vſe? Albeit children in reſpect and reuerence to their parents, dare not reply and ſay, that themſelues doe thoſe things for the which they reproue them, yet will the neighbours or others obiect it, to their ſhame. Beſides, their authoritie ſhall bee ſo much the leſſe in that they declare in their works and actions, that they alow that which they forbid in words. If parents therfore deſire that their inſtruction may be effectuall and yeeld fruite, let them declare the ſame in holy life and vertuous conuerſation.Plut. in the Education of children. Let them ſaith an auntient Philoſopher, ſo order and gouerne themſelues, that their children ſeeing the ſame as it were in a glaſſe, may be reſtrained from diſhoneſt ſpeeches and wicked deedes. Let them do as guides that ſhew the right way and foords ouer riuers, by going before thoſe whom they lead, that their children following the ſteps and examples of their parents, may conforme thēſelues to their vertues, & ſo with them and by them, be led to ſaluation and life euerlaſting.
39 Finally, let all parentes diligently and feruently pray vntounto God, firſt for themſelues, that he by his holy ſpirit will vouchſafe to guide them in the inſtruction of their children, that they may with all diligence, faithfulnes and diſcreation employ themſelues in eueryevery part of their dutie toward them. Secondly let them dayly commend their children by hartie praiers to the father of light, who is the giuer of all goodneſſe and bleſsings, that hee bleſsing their labours about their children, may repleniſh them with the gifts and graces of his holy ſpirit, that they may profit in all things requiſite to his glorie, and their owne benefite and ſaluation. And this dutrie let them begin to performe, euen ſo ſoone as they are in hope of generation, by praying to God to preſerue it, to giuegive to the mother happy deliuerance of her fruite, and ſo to diſpoſe, that the child may receiue the ſeale of ſaluation by Baptiſme, & grace to bring forth fruites to Gods glory. Let them remember that the praier of the whole Church for their children in their Baptiſme, is a warning of their bounden dutie dayly to do the like for them after they be admitted into the couenant by Baptiſme.Iob. 1.5. In this point let them remember the care of Iob for his children that were already growne and come to age, not only in that he dayly ſent vntounto them to ſanctifie them, by admoniſhing them of ſuch infirmities as they might peraduenture hauehave committed in banqueting, albeit modeſtly and ſoberly together: But alſo in that he dayly roſe vp earely and offered ſacrifice for them according to their number, ſaying to himſelfe, It may be, my ſonnes hauehave ſinned and blaſphemed God in their harts. Wherein hee giueth vntounto parents two notable leſſons: One, that if the children doe ſinne, the parents are to examine whether themſelues may not be guiltie in the ſight of God, as not hauing ſufficiently performed their duties in teaching, admoniſhing, giuing good example, & praying to God for them: The other that they ought to hauehave ſuch a care of the ſaluation of their children, that albeit they hauehave not committed any notable & apparent ſinne, yet preſuppoſing that according to mans frailtie, they liue not without offending God, after the example of Iob, who offered ſacrifice to God for his children, and that no doubt his ſacrifices were accompanied with hartie praier for them, they muſt pray for their children, that their ſinnes may bee forgiuen them through the onelyonly ſacrifice of Ieſus Chriſt.
31 To conclude. As S. Paule tearmeth the family of Philemon,Philem. ver. 2. Rom. 16.5. Pſalme. 101. alſo of Aquila and Priſcilla, the Church, ſo all parentes and houſeholders ought ſo to gouerne their children and familie, that their houſes may be euen ſo many ſmall Churches, whereout (according as Dauid proteſted that he would employ himſelf in that dutie) all vice and corruption may bee expelled and baniſhed, to the ende the houſe of God may bee holy, alſo that God may bee praiſed, worſhipped, adored and called vponupon Euening and Morning and at meales. For vndoubtedly al families thus ordered, ſhal euen feel the truth of Gods promiſes, that he wil be in thē as in his temple, & will bleſſe thē with al his graces pomiſed to his Church.