The Amendment of Life, Book 3 · Chapter 2
Of the perticular dutie of the wife to her husband. Chap. 2.
NOw let vsus come to the perticular duties, and firſt to the duty of the wife to her husband. As marriage was ordained beſides all other matters, for generation: ſo together with the duties common both to the husband and to the wife, which thereof doe depend and are before declared, the woman is alſo perticularly called & ſubiect to the bearing of children, to the trauaile of child birth, and to the labour of ſuckling and bringing them vp. This eſtate is full of trouble: yet is ſhe hereto ſubiect by her tranſgreſſion, as God ſpeaking to Eue, ſaid: I will greatly encreaſe thy ſorrows and thy conceptions, in ſorrow ſhalt thou bring forth children. But as this conſideration ſhould cauſe her to walke in humilitie, as in all her ſorrowes and labour bearing the Badge of ſinne: ſo ſhould them the ſame condition and eſtate conceiue comfort, in that, as S. Paul teſtifieth,1. Tim. 2.15. The woman ſhall be ſaued by bearing of children. In which bearing of children, the Apoſtle meaneth the heauineſſe, want of reliſh, and other the troubles while ſhe breedeth: the ſorrows and trauaile of child birth: and the labours in nurſing & bringing them vp. And this is the wonderfull wiſedome & goodnes of God: that he laieth a foundation of comfort for the woman in that which otherwiſe doth breed her ſorrow and care: for theſe fruites of ſinne ſhalbe conuerted to her good and ſaluation. Alſo by obaying quietly in this vocation, ſhee doth ſeruice to God, & ſo is ſaued, & led through this meanes and way into euerlaſting life, in caſe as Saint Paule alſo addeth, with modeſtie ſhee abide in faith, louelove and ſanctification.
2 As by this word, generation of children, is alſo ment her dutie in ſuckling them: ſo is the woman to remember that God hath giuen her two breſts, not that ſhe ſhould employ them for a ſhew or oſtentation, but in the ſeruice of God, and to bee a helpe to her husband, in ſuckling the children common to them both: Experience teacheth, that God conuerteth her bloud into the Milke where with the cilde is nurſed in the mothers wombe: Hee bringeth it into the breſts, furniſhed with Nipples conuenient to miniſter the warme Milke vato the childe, whom he endueth with induſtrie to draw out the Milke for his owne ſuſtenance. The woman therefore that can ſuckle her child and doth it not, but refuſeth this office and duetie of a mother, declareth her ſelfe to bee very vnthankefull to God, & as it were forſaketh and contemneth the fruite of her wombe. And therefore the brute beaſtes lying vponupon the ground, and graunting not one Niple or two, but ſixe or ſeuen to their young ones, ſhall riſe in iudgement againſt theſe daintie halfe mothers, who for feare of wrinkling of their faces, or to auoid ſome ſmall labour, doe refuſe this office of a mother due to their children. They might take example by Anna the mother of Samuell, who ſuckled her child till the daies of weaning: By Sarah the wife of Abraham, as Moſes noteth, where hee attributeth to her theſe ſpeeches.1. Sam. 1.23. Gen 27.1. Luk. 1….27. Who would hauehave ſaid to Abraham that Sarah ſhould hauehave giuen children ſucke? And for the words of the woman that ſaid vntounto Ieſus, Bleſſed is the wombe that bare thee, & the pappes that gaue thee ſucke, As the firſt part of her ſpeech muſt bee ment by the virgine Marie, ſo may we in reaſon referre to her alſo the ſecond, & thereof gather that ſhe ſuckled her ſon Ieſus Chriſt.
3 But let vsus goe on to other the perticuler duties of the wife to her husband. The husband is the head of the wife and the wife is ſubiect to her husband. It is the ordinance of God, grounded,1. Tim. 2.13. as Saint Paule noteth, firſt vponupon this, that man was created firſt,1. Cor. 11.8. and afterward Eue: Secondly as the ſame Apoſtle ſayth, in this that the man is not from the woman, but the woman from the man: thereto adding that the man was not created for the woman, but the woman for the man. And therefore it is meete ſhe ſhould bee ſubiect to her husband. Theſe reſons do proue, that the ſubiection of the wife to her husband is it not in her a curſe, for it was eſtabliſhed by the order and end of her creation, before the tranſgreſsion. But the third reaſon enſued vponupon this: That the woman being ſeduced by the Serpent, ſeduced her husband,1. Tim. 2.14, as Saint Paule alſo noteth, ſaying: Adam was not deceiued, Gen. 3.16.but the woman was deceiued, and was in the tranſgreſsion. It was alſo the ſentence which God pronounced, when hee reproued the woman, for that thee beleeuing the Serpent, had ſeduced her husband. Thy will, ſayth hee, ſhall be ſubiect to thy husband, and he ſhall hauehave dominion ouer thee. 1. Pet. 3.1. Coloſ. 3.18. Ephe. 5.22.Neither is it without reaſon that this ſubiection of the woman to her husband is ſo often commanded and recommended in Gods word. Let wiues, ſaith Saint Peter, bee ſubiect to their husbandes. Wiues, ſaith Saint Paul, be yee ſubiect to your husbands, as it is meete, in the Lord. Alſo writing to the Epheſians, hee ſaith, Wiues bee yee ſubiect to your husbands, as to the Lord. 1. Pet 3.5.For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church. Saint Peter the rather to induce them to this dutie, addeth. For in time past the holy women which truſted in God, attired themſelues, Gen. 18.12.not in ſumptuous apparell but in vertue, and were ſubiect to their husbands. And for example he aleaged Sarah the wife of Abraham, who called her husband Lord. 1. Cor. 11.This ſubiection, in the daies of Saint Paule was acknowledged by the couering of their heads. And in that conſideration doth he ſo earneſtly vpholde that the woman ought to couer her head, in token that ſhee is vnderunder power of her husband. This did Rebecca well vnderſtand and practiſe: for ſeeing her husband Iſaac come,Gen. 24.65. before ſhe preſented her ſelfe in his preſence, ſhee tooke a Vayle and couered her head, as a token of ſubiection and teſtimonie of the reuerence that ſhe did beare vntounto him.
4 The duties of the wife compriſed in this ſubiection,Ephe. 5.24. are by Saint Paule noted, who ſayth: As the Church is ſubiect to Christ, ſo let women bee ſubiect to their husbandes in all thinges, As the Church therefore ſhould depend vponupon the wiſedome, diſcretion,Gen. 3.1. and will of Chriſt, and not follow what it ſelfe liſteth: So muſt the wife alſo rule and apply her ſelfe to the diſcretion and will of her husband: euen as the gouernment and conduct of euerie thing reſteth in the head, not in the body. Moſes writeth, that the Serpent was wiſe aboue all the beaſts of the field: and that did he declare in aſſaulting the woman, that when he had ſeduced her, ſhe might alſo ſeduce her husband. Saint Paule noting this among other the cauſes of the womans ſubiection, doth ſufficiently ſhew that for the auoiding of the like inconueniences, it is Gods will that ſhee ſhould bee ſubiect to her husband, ſo that ſhe ſhall hauehave no other diſcretion or will, but what may depend vponupon her head: As alſo he ſaith: Thy deſire ſhall be ſubiect to thy husband, and he ſhall rule ouer thee. Gen. 3.16.This dominion ouer the wiues will doth manifeſtly appeare in this, that God in olde time ordained, that if the woman had vowed any thing vntounto God, it ſhould notwithſtanding reſt in her husband to diſaduow it: So much is the wiues will ſubiect to her husband.Numb. 30.7. Yet is it not ment that the wife ſhould not employ her knowledge and diſcretion which God hath giuen her, in the helpe of her husband. But alwaies it muſt bee with condition to ſubmit her ſelfe to him, acknowledging him to bee her head, that finally they may ſo agree in one, as the coniunction of marriage doth require. Yet as when in a Lute or other muſicall inſtrument, two ſtrings concurring in one tune, the ſound neuertheleſſe is imputed to the ſtrongeſt and higheſt, ſo in a well ordered houſeholde there muſt be a communication and conſent of counſell and will, betweene the husband and the wife, yet ſuch as the counſell and commaundement may reſt in the husband.
5 True it is, that ſome women are wiſer and more diſcreete then their husbands: As Abigall the wife of Nabal, and others. Whether was Salomon deceiued when he ſaid, A wiſe woman buildeth vp the houſe, Prou. 14. Prou. 11.and bleſſed is the man that hath a diſcreet wife: Yet ſtill a great parte of the diſcretion of ſuch women ſhall reſt in acknowledging their husbands to be their heads, and ſo vſing the graces that they hauehave receiued of the Lord, that their husbands may bee honoured, not contemned, neither of them nor of others, which falleth out contrarie when the wife will ſeeme wiſer then her husband.Plut. of the precepts of matrimonie. A certaine heathen Philoſopher hath very well deſcribed this modeſtie and dutie of a wife, ſaying: That a woman ſhould not ſpeake but to her husband, or by her husband. And as the voyce of him that ſoundeth a trumpet is not ſo lowd as the ſound that it yeeldeth: ſo is the wiſedome and word of a woman of greater vertue and efficacie, when all that ſhe knoweth and can doe, is as if it were ſaid and done by her husband.
6 The obedience that the wife oweth to her husband, dependeth vponupon this ſubiection of her will and wiſedome vntounto him.1. Pet. 3.6. As S. Peter alſo noteth in Sarah the wife of Abraham: For hauing exhorted Chriſtian women to be ſubiect to their husbands, hee propoundeth the example of Sarah, ſaying: As Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him Lord. And in that ſence ſaith S. Paul,Ephe. 5.33. Let the wife ſtand in awe of her husband: For fearing to diſpleaſe her husband,Eſter. 1. ſhe will be carefull to yeelde vntounto him due obedience. VponUpon Queene Vaſhties refuſall to obey her husband, King Aſſuerus, hee tooke occaſion to forſake her, and to depriue her of that great eſtate to be Queene ouer many kingdomes. For albeit ſhe might ſeeme in reaſon not to pleaſe him in that hee required of her: yet had it beene better for her to hauehave pleaſed him, in a matter of it ſelfe nature not wicked, then by her refuſall to prouoke her husband, and giuegive him cauſe to ſuſpect ſome diſdaine and contempt, eſpecially conſidering, ſhee might well thinke that the King coulde not paciently beare ſuch a refuſall in ſo ſolemne an aſſemblie. Heerein are women taught not to prouoke their husbands by diſobedience, in matters that may bee performed without offence to God: neither to preſume ouer them either in kindred or wealth: or obſtinately to refuſe in matter that may trouble houſeholde peace and quiet. Diſobedience begetteth contempt of the husband:Heſt. 1.12. and contempt wrath, as we may note in this hiſtorie of Heſter, and is manie times the cauſe of troubles betweene the man and the wife. If the obedience importeth any difficultie, ſhe may for her excuſe gently propound the ſame, yet vponupon condition to obey in caſe the husband ſhoulde perſiſt in his intent, ſo long as the diſcommoditie importeth no wickedneſſe. For it is better to continue peace by obedience, then to breake it by reſiſtaunce. And indeede it is naturall in the members to obey the conduct and gouernment of the head. Yet muſt not this obedience ſo far extend as that the husband ſhould commande any thing contrarie to her honor and ſaluation, and in this ſence wee muſt take the ſaying of Saint Paule: Wiues, bee ſubiect to your husbands, Col. 3.18. Ephe. 5, 22.as it is comelie in the Lorde.
7 Many women do thinke this ſubiection and obedience a curſed matter vnworthie them:1. Tim. 2.13. But let them remember that there was no curſe or indignitie in the woman that was created with Adam after the Image of God:1. Cor. 11.8. Yet did the order of the creation of Adam being the firſt created, and Eue the next: Likewiſe the taking of woman from out of man, ſubmit Eue to Adam, and conſequently the wife to the husband, as is aforeſaid. But as concerning the third reaſon of this ſubiection, namely that when the Serpent had ſeduced her,1. Tim. 2.14. ſhe alſo ſeduced her husband: ſhe is in the ſcarre or blemiſh of that her ſinne to acknowledge the mercy, goodneſſe and wiſedome of God. For as for the benefite of the perſon, God hath put the body in ſubiection to the head, that thereby it may be guided and gouerned: So the frailtie of the woman ſeduced by the Serpent, together with her boldeneſſe to ſeduce her husband, did ſtand in need of this remedy of ſubiection, whereby as wel ſhe ſhould hauehave no authoritie to receiue any ſo pernitious counſels, as alſo her husband ſhould hauehave no excuſe, in caſe he would be induced to wickedneſſe by her that was ſubiect vntounto him. As therefore it were a monſterus matter, and the meanes to ouerthrow the perſon, that the bodie ſhould, in refuſing all ſubiection and obedience to the head, take vponupon it to guide it ſelf & to commaund the head ſo were it for the wife to rebell againſt the husband. Let her then beware of diſordering and peruerting the courſe which God in his wiſedome hath eſtabliſhed, and with all let her vnderſtand, that going about it, ſhee riſeth not ſo much againſt her husband as againſt God: And that it is her good and honor to obey God in her ſubiection and obedience to her husband. If in the practiſe of this dutie ſhe find any difficultie or trouble, through the inconſiderate courſe of her husband, or otherwiſe, let her remember that the ſame proceedeth not of the order eſtabliſhed by the Lorde, but through ſome ſinne afterward creept in, which hath mixed gale among the home of the ſubiection & obedience that the woman ſhould hauehave enioyed in that eſtate wherein together with Adam ſhe was created after the Image of God. And ſo let her humble her ſelfe in the ſight of God, and bee well aſſured, that her ſubiection and obedience is acceptable vntounto him. Likewiſe that the more that the Image of God is reſtored in her and her husband through the regeneration of the holy Ghoſt, the leſſe difficultie ſhall ſhe finde in that ſubiection and obedience, as many in their marriage hauehave indeede tried to their great contentment and conſolation.
8 Some other duties ther be that particularly belong to women: As firſt a certaine diſcretion and deſire required at their handes, to pleaſe the nature, inclination and maners of their husbands, ſo long as the ſame import no wickedneſſe. For as the looking glaſſe how ſoeuer faire and beautifully adorned, is nothing worth if it ſhew that countenaunce ſad which is pleaſaunt,Eraſ. Apotheg lib. 3. or the ſame pleaſant that is ſad: So the woman deſerueth no commendation, that (as it were) contrarying her husband, when hee is merie, ſheweth her ſelfe ſad, or in his ſadnes vttereth her mirth. And hereto may we referre the old ſaying of Socrates: Men ſhould obey the lawes of their Citties, and women the maners of their husbands.
9 Moreouer a modeſt and chaſt woman that loueth her husband, muſt alſo louelove her houſe, as remembring that the husband that loueth his wife cannot ſo well like of the ſight of any Tapiſſerie as to ſee his wife in his houſe.Tit. 2.5. And Saint Paule willeth the auncient women to teach the yonger ſort among other things, to bee chaſt, to louelove their husbands, and to keepe the houſe.Plut. in the precepts of marriage. In this ſence did our aunceſters repreſent a woman by a Torteyſe, who neuer goeth out of her ſhell. The woman that gaddeth from houſe to houſe to prate, confoundeth her ſelfe, her husband and her familie. But there are fower ſeaſons wherein the woman is to goe abroad. The firſt, to come to holy meetings according to the duty of pietie: The ſecond to viſit ſuch as ſtand in neede, as the dutie of louelove and charitie doe require: The third for employment in houſhold affaires committed to her charge. The laſt, with her husband when he ſhall require her. As alſo Abimelech king of Gerar, reprouing Sarah becauſe ſhe had as it were abandoned her ſelfe, in that ſhee confeſſed not that Abraham was her husband,Gen. 20.16. ſaid vntounto her, Thy husband is the vayle of thine eyes to all men.
10 The wife alſo is in dutie to bee content to pleaſe her husband, and not to bee curious or giuen to adorning of her bodie or ſumptuouſneſſe in apparell: Which vanitie muſt of neceſsitie proceede either of ambition and pride, or of ſome diſordinate deſire to content others, rather then her husband. And therefore it will better like him, and bee more ſeemely and fit for her to vſe modeſtie heerein, eſpeciall conſidering that ſuch curioſitie and vanitie is accompanied with great expence, yea and in ſome with danger of laſciuiouſnes. And therfore Saint Paul admoniſheth women to aray themſelues in ſeemely and honeſt apparel with ſhamefaſtnes & modeſty, & not in brayded haire, gold, pearle,1. Tim. 2.9. or ſumptuous apparel. And the rather to correct this corruptiō, being too cōmon among women, he exhorteth thē to be adorned with good works,1. Pet. 3.3. which ſaith he, do beſt beſeem ſuch women as profeſſe the ſeruice of God. S Peter alſo hauing likewiſe cōdemned the outward ornaments which doe conſiſt in imbrayded haire, golde lace and gorgeous apparel, admoniſheth them to labour that the hidden man, that is the ſoule, may bee well furniſhed of vertue. And in truth pietie and vertue are excellent ornaments for a woman & of ſmal charge and the common prouerb is true that the women which are curious in adorning their bodies, are negligent in furniſhing the wants of their ſoules: An ornament (ſaith the Philoſopher Crates) is that which adorneth, & that adorneth which miniſtreth honor: But gold-rings & other deckings of the body, are not the purchaſers of honor, but wiſedome, modeſtie, chaſtitie and other vertues. The woman that loueth her husband well, muſt ſtudie vponupon all theſe duties aforeſaid, which, as Salomō ſaith, wil make her happy. Happy is the husband that hath a good wife and the reckoning of his life is double. Prou. 26.Againe, A vertuous wife reioyceth her husband and cauſeth him to liue in peace: A good wife is a good inheritance, which ſhall be giuen in recompence to thoſe that feare God.
11 To conclude: let the wife carefully meditate & practiſe the vertues which Salomon cōmendeth in wiſe & vertuous women in the 31. Chapter of the Prouerbs: And the rather, becauſe the ſame are repreſented in 22. verſes whereof the firſt beginneth at A the ſecond at B,Prou. 31. &c. After the order of the Hebrew Alphabet, & were in that ſort ſet downe by Salomon for a helpe to memorie, & conſequently to ſhew that they are worthy to be learned by hart: And therfore we wil here inſert them, to the end that wiues daily vſing them, may ſtudie to be more and more adorned with ſuch vertues as make the woman commendable, and the man bleſſed. The vertues of a faithfull woman and a good huſwife as they be deſcribed in Salomons Prouerbs: Chap. 31. Who ſhall find a vertuous woman, for her price is far aboue the pearles. The hart of her husband truſteth in her, and he ſhall hauehave no neede of ſpoyle. She will doe him good and not euill, all the daies of her life: She ſeeketh Woole and Flax, and laboureth cheerefully with her hands; She is like the Marchants ſhips: ſhe bringeth her foode from a far. She riſeth while it is yet night, & giueth the portion to her houſhold, & the ordinarie to her maides. She conſidereth a field and getteth it, & with the fruit of her hands ſhe planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loynes with ſtrength & ſtrengthneth her armes. She feeleth that her marchandiſe is good, her candle is not put out by night. Shee putteth her hands to the wheele, her handes handle the ſpindle. She stretcheth out her hand to the poore, and putteth foorth her handes to the neede. She feareth not the Snow for her familie, for all her familie is …othed with Scarlet. She maketh her ſelfe carpets, fine linnen and p…ple is her garment. Her husband is knowen in the gates, when he ſitteth with the elders of the land. She maketh ſheetes and ſelleth them, and giueth girdles to the Marchant. Strength and honor is her clothing, and in the latter day ſhe ſhall reioyce. She openeth her mouth with wiſedome, and the law of grace is in her tongue. She ouerſeeth the waies of her husband and eateth not the bread of Idleneſſe. Her children riſe vp and cal her bleſſed, her husband alſo ſhall praiſe her, ſaying. Many daughters hauehave doone vertuouſly, but thou ſurmounteſt them all. Fauour is deceitfull and beautie is vanitie: but a woman that feareth the Lord, ſhee ſhall be prayſed. GiueGive her of the fruite of her handes, and let her owne workes praiſe her in the gates.