A Complete Body of Divinity, Sermons · 195 (Question 71 cont.)
SERMON CXCV.
4. A Chaſt Marriage is for Perpetuity. I do not mean that it is a Bond that muſt laſt for ever; for we before obſerved, that it can be but for Life, and Death diſſolves the Bond, and leaves the Survivour at Lib…rty: But I intend, that in a lawful Marriage, the Perſons do give themſelves each to the other, as long as they do both Live. In other Contracts between Perſons, they may be made for a ſet and limited Time, and when that Time is expired, they are diſcharged from their Obligation; but it is not ſo in reſpect of this Contract of Marriage: But whether it be expr…ſt or no, it is always implied in the very Nature of the Covenant, that they will be each for the other, and for none elſe, till Death. Rom. 7.2.
BUT here a weighty CASE may be ſtarted, viz. Whether there be…n thing but Death, that can Diſſolve this Covenant? And here the Queſtion about Divorces will come under Examination, Whether any Divorce be lawful? And if ſo, What may be judged a juſt Warrant for it? Not only was it a Cuſtom among the Pagan Nations for Me… to put away their Wives upon any Diſguſt taken at them, which is not ſo much to be wondere at, becauſe the Light of Nature was obſcured in them, and they were under the dominion of obſcene Luſts; but it was alſo practiſed among the Ancient Pe…ple of God; and Wiſes by God's Direction gave them a Law about it, Deut 24. beg…n.
THIS CASE may in genera… both …s reſolved, viz. That this Relation cannot b… diſſolved during Life, without the Fault of …ne of the Parties at leaſt; and that not every Fault but only ſuch as is a Violation of the Marriage Covenant. And here Two things may come under Conſideration, vi…. The Perſon may be Active or … in … ſeparation; the …ormer of theſe is properly called a Divorce, the latter comes under the Conſideration of a Deſertion. It is the firſt of theſe now to be enquired into, the latter will follow under the next Head.
HERE then, a Divorce is properly a Voluntary putting away of the Correlate, and thenceforward renouncing of all Conjugal Society therewithal. That a Divorce is in ſome Caſe, …awfu…l, is not to be doubted: our Saviour Chriſt doth not utterly condemn it, but only limits it. But the Queſtion is, For what Cauſe it is Lawful? And we need ſeek no further than what Chriſt himſelf hath defined in this Affair Matth. 19.9. And I ſay unto you, Whoſoever ſhall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and ſhall marry another, committeth adultery: and w…oſ… marryeth h…r whic… is put away, doth commit adultery. Wher… the Word Fornication is a general and comprehenſive Word, including every Tranſgreſſion of the Seventh Command, and therefore it here intends Adultery: The Reaſon why this a mi…s of it, is becauſe it is an utter violation of the Marriage-Covenant, and thereby gives the wronged Perſon ſufficient ground to renounce ſuch a C…rrelate. It is true, if the Law which pu…lished Adultery with Death, were Executed, as weighty Divines think that it ought, that would diſſolve the Covenant, and ſe… the Innocent Party at Liberty; but there are few Places where it is in force. But tho' the Offender be ſuffered to Love, it cannot abridge the Injured of this Liberty; and this Separation is Total and Univerſal, for ſuch is the Import of a Divorce, and the Relation between them is altogether cut off by it: Not but that it is lawful for them to be Reconciled, if they can ſtoop to it whilſt they abide Single. And Whether it be Lawful for the Offender to Marry with another? is diſputed, and a Caſe hard to Reſolve; yet that the Innocent Party may, is beyond any juſt Queſtion. It therefore looks like an Hardſhip to ſeparate them only a Menſa…et Totora, and reſtrain them Marrying again, which is a Puniſhment of the one as well as the other, and that without his or her Default.
BUT as to giving a Divorce in any other Caſe, it is not warranted but forbidden in the Word of God, as by our Saviour in the fore-cited Text; and we are there told, that God hateth putting away. Caſuiſts indeed tell us, that there are ſome things, which when known, do make the Marriage Void, from the very Nature of the thing, and principal Ends of it. But whether Parents have power in Diſſolve the Clandestine Marriages of their Children, made without or againſt their Conſent? may be Debated: And that Rule is uſually applied here, Quod fieri non debuit, factum volet: And many Tragedies might otherwiſe enſue. And the Rule of Prudence may direct Parents to admit of it, tho' they may in ſome other way teſtify their d…ſlike of it. But whatſoever other Miſtakes and Deceits may have been in the thing, if the Marriage be made between ſuch as the Law of conſ…inity or Affinity doth not make In…e…uo…s, and were Single Perſons, they do in no wiſe admit of a Divorce. If the Party expected a great Portion, and finds little or none; if the Correlate prove contrary to Expectation, of cra…ed and perverſe Conditions, and carry is inſolently & unbecomingly, this is no Warrant; for tho' this may be a Breach of the Fifth Command, yet not of the Seventh, which can only diſſolve the Bond: And the Marriage was made with the Perſon, and not the Eſtate, the want therefore of that, can in no wiſe in fringe it: Not can any other Moral Evil, or any Reproach of Diſgrace which the … Putty may undergo, acquit the other from this Relation; but it muſt be born as a Rebuke in Providence. Nor will the Moſ…ical Law forementioned, help to juſtify any ſuch thing; for we are ſure, that the law was Judicial, accommodated to the State of the People to whom it was given; made not to indulge ſuch a Practice, but to put a Reſtrain upon that Licentiouſneſs which through Cuſtom they had uſed: Our Saviour therefore Reſolves this plumply, Matth. 19.8. … unto them, M…ſes, becauſe of the hardneſs of you hearts, ſ…ffered you to put away your …ives that from the beginning it was not ſo. Nor can that Law warrant ſuch Divorces, any more than the Laws about diverſ. Wives to reſtrain them, may warrant Polygamy; which we have provd to be forbidden in the Moral Law, and may further Conſider hereafter.
5. A C…ſt Marriage requires the Cohabitation …f the … ſo Related. The poper Ends of Chast …y in a Married State, cannot otherwiſe be anſwered, as is evident from the Nature of them: It is true, there are other Reaſons requiring that ſuch ſhould dwell together, which refer to the common Relative Duties required by the Fifth Command: But we before obſerved, that one great Deſign for which God Ordained the Married State, was to preſerve Cha…ity among Mankind, which is hindred by their Living aſunder This doth in no wiſe condemn thoſe who in following the lawful and needful Employments of this Life, are neceſſitated for ſome time to Live at a diſtance of Place one from the other: Neither doth it forbid ſuch from Marrying, or neceſſitate them to abandon ſuch Callings upon their Marrying: If Men ſerve God in their Employments, they may truſt in Him for His Grace to preſerve them Ch… in them; and I am ſure, that if they cannot ſo Live, they will Diſhonour themſelves, and have reaſon to ask themſelves whether they are in their Way?
AS to that CASE, Whether Married Perſons, who cannot Live together Peaceably, but are always in Broils & Contentions, may not by Conſent Live ſeparately, and be no whit concerned one with another? I plumply reply, That they cannot poſſibly do ſo without Sin. and as to that Vulgar Objection, viz. That of …o Evils, the leaſt is to be ch…ſen; if may be plied, that it is pre…a…iouſly ſuppoſed, at this Evil is leſs than the other; but if …ranted, yet that holds good only in Phyſical …vils, or Evils of meer Suffering, but hath no …le… in Moral Evils, to which Head the Caſe …der Debate hath a proper Reference; and …e Phyſical Evils that accompany it, are only be Conſequents upon the Moral. As long as …e Marriage Bond abides, there are the Rela…ve Duties lying on them, which cannot now …e diſcharged, and ſo they muſt of neceſſity live in Sin. And ſeldom, if ever, doth ſuch a …ing fall out, but there is Blame on either …; and they ought to Humble themſelves … God, and ſeek both His Pardon & Grace … help them to reſiſt and overcome the Temp…tions that bear them down. They ought to … each others, both Tempers and Diſtem…ers; and endeavour with Meekneſs and Chriſtian Patience, to pity, and bear with each others …mities. We are always to conſider that this Relation is not between Angels, or Juſt Men made perfect, for theſe neither Marry, nor … in Marriage, but ſuch as are Frail and …; and without Allowances one to the …nder as ſuch, there is no living as we ought in this World. Such a Conſent therefore muſt needs be Unlawful, and conſequently not plea…ble for Excuſe of ſuch a Practice; and thoſe who do ſo Live, are an horrible Scandal to the Profeſſion which they make.
BUT then, Here is another CASE, which calls for a farther Enquiry, viz. What is to be done upon the wilful Deſertion of the one Party, who without Conſent forſake and abandon the other? Whether may the Deſerted Party be …ac…ed to be at Liberty from the Bond of the Marriage Convenant, and ſo Marry to another Perſon? One principal Demur upon this mutter is from the forecited Determination of Chriſt, Matth. 19.9. From whence it ſeems evident, that one Party cannot put away the …ther on any account but Adultery; where is poſſibly the Deſerter cannot be charged with any ſuch Crime. Caſuiſts do generally Reply with great Caution to this Queſtion, and not without Reaſon, leaſt they ſhould open a door to great Wicknedneſs, and indulge the Folly of Perſons on every Diſcontent, to forſake one another; and ſo allow Breaches to be made in Families on trivial Occaſions, which tends to the diſſolution of the greateſt Bonds of Humane Sociery. Nevertheleſs they do not doubt of the Lawfulneſs of the thing, but are very Curious in the Rules which may determine the Party to be a Deſerter. They therefore tell us, that every Paſſionate Threatning and Practice thereupon, will not amount to it: That therefore there ought to be all prudent Endeavours uſed to obtain a Reconciliation, and a great deal of Patience uſed, and much Prayer to God for …ucceſs of theſe Endeavours; and Prudence may often oblige the Deſerted Party to continue in the preſent Condition, rather than to take the Advantage offered. But we are aſſured by the Apoſtle, that there is no Obligation on Conſcience when it is ſo, b…t a Liberty given to the injured Party, 1 Cor 7.15. If the unbeheving depart, its him depart. A brother or ſiſter is not under bond ge…in ſuch caſes: but God hath called us to peace. The Apoſtle indeed directly ſpeaks of a Deſerter who is a Heathen; if a Man or Woman Deſert the Correlate who is a Chriſtian, and becauſe ſo. But we are to remember that he is ſpeaking of a Moral D…ty, required by the Law of Nature: And therefore it holds in it a Parity of Reaſon in all other Caſes; for it is a Deſertion about which he here preſcribes. Nor doth Paul herein Contradict Chriſt, but very well Harmonizeth with Him, as will be evident upon a due Conſideration: For they ſpeak of two Caſes greatly diſcrepant one from another; for the Caſe of Divorce and Deſertion are different things. The Queſtion which was offered to Chriſt was, Whether a Man might at Pleaſure give a Bill of Divorce? to which He fully Anſwers, No, unleſs it be for Fornication. But the Corinthians Enquiry of the Apoſtle was, Whether in caſe a Man or Woman forſook or Deſerted from the Correlate, and were reſolved to have nothing more to do with them, the Deſerted were Bound by the Law of Matrimory? to which he replys, No. And here the Party is not Active, as in giving a Divorce, but Paſſive, in being injuriouſly forſaken: And the Reaſon is, becauſe ſuch an one doth herein Violate an Eſſential Obligation in the Marriage Covenant.
AS to the CASE of one Parties having been long Abſent and never heard of, Whether it be Lawful for the other to Marry again, during the while it abides ſo? All that I ſhall Reply is, That tho' the Civil Laws of Chriſtianiz'd Nations hath made Proviſion in this regard, yet it is evermore on a ſtrong Preſumption, that the Party not heard of is really Dead; and the limiting of ſuch a time, is a meer Prudential, built upon ſuch a Preſumption, which ordinarily proves ſo; but I believe that the Party concerned ought to be very Sober and Cautious, alſe they may bring Confuſion on Families: And there is a difference between hearing nothing at all, and ſuch Reports as carry in them ſtrong grounds to think that they are i…deed Dead: And over-haſtineſs in this, muſ…n els be Scandalous, and often gives occaſion of Sorrow afterwards. And I am afraid, that there hath been not a little of Sin Committed in this Place, by our Precipitancy upon this Account.
6. IN a Chaſt Marriage it is requiſite, that there be Conjugal Love between the Parties ſo Related. It is true, Love is the Root of all Duty, and the Bond of all the Relations that God hath placed among Mankind, Rom. 13.9, 10. But there is a diverſe way wherein this Love is to exert it ſelf; among theſe none is more Celebrated than that which is required to be between Parties bound together by the Marriage Covenant. There is therefore no Compariſ…n ſo much uſed in the Scriptures, to repreſent the mutual Love between Chriſt and His Church, as that which is between a Man and his Wife. Now a Conjugal Love is that which is adapted for Conjugal Society, and by it the Perſons are fitted to a che…ful Diſcharge of all Duties which belong to them in that Relation: Not can they be truly and ſincerely diſcharged without it. Now this Love muſt terminate on the Perſon, and requires a ſingle Eſteem each for other, in which the Object is preferred before every other Perſon in the World, for ſuch Society. And as this Love is that which only can make the Married Eſtate truly Comfortable and Happy, ſo in partiular it is the beſt preſervative of Chaſtity between ſuch: And the want of it is that which makes ſo many Matches ſo Unhappy, as is too obvious among Men: Only Care is here to be had to diſtinguiſh between true Conjugal Love, and that inordinate Laſt which ſome preſume unworthily to put that Term upon; ſuch was that of Amnon to his Siſter Tamar. True Love is always built upon Honourable Principles, and attracted by Honeſt and Chaſt Motives.
AND there are two general Rules which are the Duty of all ſuch as offer to engage in ſuch a Covenant, if they would Live Chaſtly in a Married Condition, viz.
1. THIS Love ought to have a principal regard in the directing of them in their mutual Choice each of the other, in order to Marriage. This ought to be the proper Cement of the Bond in which they Oblige themſelves one to the other: Not can they come together in the Fear of God, except this he laid in the Foundation. It is true, the Marriage-Covenant is that which bringeth them into this Relation, and binds them to all the Duties which are involved in it; but if the Heart be not rightly diſpoſed in it, there is the principal thing wanting, which cannot be made up fully by any thing elſe whatſoever. Nor is this to be govern'd by Inſtinct, or unaccountable invincible Inclinations, as ſome pretend, for ſuch Inclinations are not always Mutual: But Man is a reaſonable Creature, and his Affections ought to be governed by Judgment, and not born down by bruitiſh Appetites. Nor ought any Perſons to Marry together, (if they would do it Chaſtly,) unleſs they can truly chuſe this Perſon, and abandon every inordinate Affection to any other; and Cordially be for this Perſon, and for no other; and forſake Father & Mother for their ſake, Hoſ. 3.3. And howſoever their Affections have formerly been inclined, yet they muſt have them weaned on this account, elſe they cannot Marry Chaſtly. And this is one Reaſon why Forced Marriages are not to be approved; for they who cannot Command the Affections, ought not to Compel the Perſon, except they would expoſe them to Unchaſt…y. And for this reaſon, they who Marry for other Ends, or from other Mot…ves, whether for Wealth or Honour, or ſome other Intereſt beſides, whilſt they have no ſuch Love to the Perſon; or to ſuch Perſons, as they know have none for them, are Guilty of ſinful Imprudence, and will expoſe themſelves and their Correlates to horrid Temptations. What need then have all ſuch to ſeek of God to Guide and Gevern their Heans in ſuch an Undertaking, which is the only way to enjoy His Bleſſing, and Live together as becomes Chriſtians.
2. THIS Love is to be nouriſhed & ſtreng… ned by all ſuch who are entred into ſuch a … lation. Poſſibly there hath been but little of it governing in the Plighting of it, and it as too often ſo: Sometimes there hath been to much of Conſtrains uſed in it by Superious, ſometimes it hath been made for Po…re … where tho Hands are joyned, yet Hea…s are not ſo united, as becomes ſuch a Relation But whatſoever Error there may have …ew in what went before, it …s a great … that without this Love they cannot diſchange the Duties in this Relation which God inquires of them, and for their enjoying the … Comfort of it. And among other things, there are many Temptations to Unchaſti…y, which will have great Advantage over them, if this Love be wanting, which is a main Preſervative againſt them: This therefore the Wiſe Man preſcribes as a Preſervative againſt ſtrange Luſts, Prov. 5.18, 19 Rejoice with the wiſe of thy youth. Let … be as the loving bind, and pleaſans roe, let … breaſts ſatisfy thee at all …, and be … raviſts always with her love. And there and a great many things that will offer themſelves many times to Cool theſe Affections, and Satan will make uſe of them to alienate the Heart: There had need therefore be Endeavours always uſes to Corroborate this Love, and the Avoidance of all that may line a tendency to create Jealouſies and Suſpicion, or to create Feuds and Differences, leſt … ſhould take Advantage by theſe things to draw them away from their Modeſty.
USE. TO ſhut up the Diſcourſe of the Affirmative part of this Precept, let me offer theſe Rules to help us, for the Preſervation of our Chaſtity:
1. LABOUR to get the Fear of God in our Hearts. This is the only way to mortify all the Carnal Luſts in us: It is by Grace thus the Heart is Purified, and a new Principle … put into us whereby we are enabled to withſtand all the Sollicitations that are offered from within or without: It was by this that Joſeph reſiſted & overcame the Importunities of his amorous Lady, Gen. 39.9. This will help us to abhor all Uncleaneſs, and make us to delight in Purity.
2. LET us be frequent in conſidering and affecting our ſelves with the Vileneſs of th…s Sin. There is enough obvious to our View to render it truely Odious to us. It is a Sin which God is Angry for, and threatens Men with Excluſion from the Kingdom of God, 1 Cor. 6.9, 10. Rev. 2….8. It is a Sin, than which nothing more Diſhonours a Perſon among thoſe that are Sober; and leaves a Blot upon ſuch as are known to be addicted to … Prov. 6.33. A would and diſhonour … and his reproach ſhall not be …. It is a Sin which is very Inj… … …ends to the diſturbing Humane Society, to the great Hunt and Injury of all concerned, to the bringing a … and Infamy upon Families, and leaving Diſgrace upon Poſterity: It is a Sin that hardens Perſons in Sin; and leaves thoſe who addict themſelves to it, next to hopeleſs of …alvation, Prov. 2.19. None that go unto her … again, neither take they hold of the path of life. And if God leaves any to it, it is a fearful Sign that He hates them; Prov. 22.14. The mouth of ſtrange women is a deep pit: he … is abhorred of the Lord ſhall fall therein.
3. LET us carefully avoid all the Temptation which are leading to it: Keep out of the way of them as much as we can: Let us avoid all thoſe things that are leading or Occaſions to it: Be ſure to Reſiſt the firſt Motions that we find ſtirring to it in us; and apply the Blood of CHRIST for the Purging of our Hearts from them: Stop our Eats at all the Charms that may be offered to Bewitch us into this Sin; and ſhun all familiar Society with all ſuch as may in all likelihood enſnare us; and ſuppreſs every vain and fooliſh Thought that riſeth in us: And in ſenſe of our own Natural Infirmity, and the Body of Death which we bear about with us, let us earnett in Commending our ſelves to God for His keeping, that ſo we may ſerve Him with a Pure Heart and Clean Hands; and this is the way to be Preſerved by Him.
[JANUARY 9. 1704.]