The Power of Godliness, Book 3 · Chapter 14
CHAP. XIV. Shewing, how we are to behave our selves after Anger hath made an entrance, and taken place in us: And also what the Remedies are, whereby we may cure Anger in others.
Question: HOw are we to behave our selves after that anger hath made an entrance and taken place in us?
A. If through infirmity we be fallen into injust anger,Eph 4.26. we must abandon this corrupt affection with all possible speed. Anger is as poyson, which with all speed must be purged out if it be taken unawares. All Philosophers advise us to entreat this passion as they do monsters and Serpents,Ira furor brevis est: animum rege: qui nisi paret, Imperat: hunc franis, hunc tu compesce catena. Hor. Ep. 1. Ep. 2. Venienti occurrite morbo. Pers. Satyr. 3. Pharmaca nascenti sunt adhibenda malo. Theog. Opprimedum novasunt subiti mala semina morbi. Ovid. whom they strive to smother as soon as they are disclosed. The Apostle teacheth us to lay aside anger with all possible speed, Let not the Sun go down on your wrath. As the night doth cool the heat which in the day time the Sun hath made; so must it also quench the flames of anger kindled in our hearts. And as it is easie to quench a fire of straw in the beginning, but if we suffer it to take hold of more solid matter, it passeth all our labour and industry, and makes a pitifull ruin: even so, he that will observe choler from the beginning, seeing it begin to fume and kindle for some light quarrell and small offence; it is easie for him to suppress it, and to stay the course: but if it be once setled and begins to swell, and that he himself blowes the bellowes; that is to say, if he stirres it up and enflames it, it will be hard for him afterwares to quench it. A small spark if it be nourished, will quickly increase to a furious flame. As therefore when a house is newly set on fire, men labour earnestly, and with all speed to quench it, before it have taken hold of the main posts and great beams, otherwise it will be too late afterwards, when it is increased to its full strength: So when our hearts are first set on fire with anger, we are presently to quench it with the water of the spirit; for after we are throughly enflamed, it will be too late to apply any remedy till the flame have spent it self. But some will say, I fall into anger many times when I never mean it, and it hath overcome me before I am aware; how therefore should I prevent that which I do not foresee, or free my self from it, seeing it violently over-ruleth me? To which I answer, First, That if we carefully watch over our selves, we shall easily perceive when we are inclining to anger: for as there are many signs which go before a storm, and many symptoms which discover diseases before we fall into them; so we may easily discern in us many notes and signes of this tempestuous storm and raging fever of minde, unjust Anger, before it break forth and shew it self. Inward pain, swelling of heart, discontent and bitterness of spirit appear before it. Secondly, Anger doth not presently as soon as it is entred into the heart over-rule us, before it be grown to greater strength than it hath at the first: for as the greatest fire hath but a small beginning, and when it is begun is easily quenched: so the most furious anger attaineth not his full strength at the first entrance, but by little and little encreaseth like a flame, by taking hold of new matter. And therefore howsoever after it hath wholly inflamed a man, it is most hardly quenched, yet in the beginning thereof, it is easily suppressed. The means to subdue Anger after it hath given the assault, are; First, Not to yeeld any obedience to her, nor to beleeve her in any thing she saith or doth, to inflame us to revenge. As they that are sick of the Falling-sickness, having any sign or beginning of their fit, retire themselves suddenly, and take all the remedies which may divert so troublesome an accident, or at least, hide the shame: so they that see themselves transported with Choler, should retain themselves, and strive to moderate their passion; and divert the infirmity which seeks to seize upon them. Pilots foreseeing a tempest, usually retire themselves into a road or under the Lee of some Rock, before the storm come: so he that feels the first motions of Choler, should have recourse to reason or faith rather, and oppose her perswasions to the passion, to controle the violence of it. We find in other passions, that the liberty we give them brings some ease: but Choler grows bitter, and is incensed by the liberty that we give her, and is enflamed the more in that we give way to her fury.Prov. 12.16. Prov. 20.3. & 16.32. Secondly, We must remember that it is a dishonest thing to requite an injury; for he that doth so hath part of the wickedness, and entangles himself in sinne, as he that embraceth a sooty person, and walloweth with him, shall be sooty himself. Ctesipho Pancratista is worthily derided, who was wont to kick his Mule, because she strook him with the heels. If another man vex me, shall I vex my self? We must rather imitate Champions, who sometimes give ground, that they may overcome. Thirdly, To subdue Anger we must withdraw the food wherewith it is nourished: for as the greatest fire, if new matter be not supplied, will of it self go out: so the most furious anger will soon be mitigated, if it be not continually nourished with a new supply of matter. The fewell of anger, is multiplying of words: for though the injury at the first be small, yet if either it be aggravated by him that suffereth it, or defended by him that offereth it, it incenseth men to great anger. As nothing sooner than winde, causeth a small spark to burst out into a furious flame; so nothing sooner doth cause a small spark of anger increase to a raging flame of revenge, than the wind of words. We are not therefore to imagin with some, that we can disgorge our stomacks of anger, by vomiting out spleen in bitter words; for they do not only in their own nature whet and sharpen our own affections, but also provoke the other, with whom we are offended, to requite us with the like, and so to add new matter to the old flame. As well therefore may we think to quench the fire with wood, as anger with words; for as wood is the nourishment of the fire, so words are the nourishment of anger. Let us rather in our anger imitate the wise Socrates, who when he was most angry, used most modesty, mildness of speech, and lowness of voice, and so withdrawing the nourishment from the fire of anger,Differ, habent parvae commoda magna morae. Natura ira est, ut prolata magis, ferveat: occultata languescat. Glossa in Prov. Prov. 12.16. Valer. Max. lib. 4, cap. 1. Plutarch. de lib. Educ. Qui non moderabitur irae, Infectum volet esse, dolor quod suaserit & meus, Dum paenas odio per vim fectinat inulto. Horat. ibid. Post mihi non simili paena commissa luctis. Virg. Aeneid. lib. 1. it will soon of it self be extinguished. Fourthly, In thine anger make some delay, before thou speakest or doest any thing. Give not place to wrath, let it not have vent by sudden or unadvised words. Anger smothered will languish, but let out, will flame unto further mischief. Solomon makes it the property of a wise man to conceal anger: A fools wrath is presently known; but a prudent man covereth shame. Memorable is that answer of Athenodorus to Augustus, who being requested at his departure to leave behind him some good instruction for the government of his Empire, gave him this advice; That he should do nothing in his anger, before he had numbred on his fingers the Letters of the Greek Alphabet. An example hereof we have in Socrates, who finding his anger incensed against his servant, deferred to take correction, saying, I would beat thee but that I am angry. And also in Plato, who being provoked to anger for some notable fault committed by his servant, took a cudgell into his hands, and held it over him a good space, as if he would have stroken; and being asked of his friend Speusippus, what he meant by such a kind of action; I said he, I take punishment of one who is angry; meaning of himself, by bridling his affection. And that we may the rather be moved to abstain from sudain and desperate resolutions when our anger is provoked, let us consider we are in great danger to do those things in a moment, which we shall repent our whole life. That in such shortness of time we cannot rightly examin the circumstances of the matter, which in such cases are most material; whereas truth is the daughter of time, and will bring all to light. That it is a foul shame, first to be angry, and then to judg: first to take punishment, and then to examine the cause; that is to say, whether hath offended, he that taketh punishment, or he on whom it is inflicted: whereas in process of time the truth will appear, whether revenge may be more justly taken or omitted- And then if after due examination he inflict deserved punishment, it will be more effectuall for the reformation of the offender, when he seeth that it doth rather proceed from true judgment, than from the spleen. Fiftly, It is good to get out of the company of others, especially of them who have offended us; according to the example of Jonathan, who being justly provoked by his unjust and cruell Father,1 Sam. 20.34. rose from the table and departed, lest by his fathers provocations, he might have done or said that which did not beseem him: whose practise if we would wisely imitate, we should not only appease our anger, by removing out of our sight the object and cause thereof, and prevent further occasions of increasing it, but also cover our infirmities, which otherwise we should discover by the violence of the passion. For this affection is as fire; take the matter away from fire, and it will cease to burn; so let a man depart, and employ himself (for the time) some other way, and he shall soon cease to be angry. Sixthly, We are to consider that we sinne again God, not once or twice, but often, yea every day, and therefore the course of our anger must be turned against our selves. Seventhly, Let the angry man think with himself, whether he is purposed ever or never to lay aside his anger. If ever, how much better were it that he should vanquish it, than that it should leave him? that he should vanquish it, than that it should be overcome of it self? that he should quench it with the water of the spirit, than that it should last untill it burn out? for not only this but all other passions in time tire themselves, and fall down with their own ruin. But if they purpose to live in perpetuall enmity, let them consider that they nourish in themselves a viper, which will fret out their own bowels. For who receiveth more vexation, grief, and disquietness by anger, than himself who is subject to the passion? and what doth sooner cut off the thread of life, than the sharpness of fretting grief? Lastly, Let him think with himself what good time he spendeth in a bad matter, which being so short and precious, should be more esteemed and better employed. Eighthly, The chief means to subdue anger after it hath taken hold of us, is earnest and hearty prayer unto God, that he would vouchsafe us the gracious assistance of his holy Spirit, whereby our affections may be so ruled and sanctified, that they being freed from naturall corruption, may be made fit and serviceable for the setting forth of his glory, the good of our brethren, and the furthering of our own salvation. For it is only the water of the Spirit and the shield of faith, which is able to quench the fury of our passions; and prayer is a chief means to obtain these spirituall graces at Gods hands. Ninethly, Commiserate the state of him that provokes thee to anger; for he is a fool and mad, but the instrument of God to exercise thy patience.
Q What are the remedies whereby we may cure Anger in others?
A. 1. If we live with them that are furious,Prov. 16.7. the best means to winne them to love and kindness is serious, true and hearty repentance When the waies of a man please the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him. It matters not how perversly they are bent, how farre their hearts are estranged from us; if we turn unto God, they shall be reconciled unto us, when it is for our good. The Spirit of God is that glue that joyneth together things most disagreeing: He can make that clay and iron, (that is things most unfit to be conjoyned) shall stick fast one to another.Esa. 11.6, 7, 8. He makes the Wolfe to feed with the Lamb, the Calf with the Bear, the Leopard with the Kid. The hearts of men are in the hands of God, and as the Rivers of waters, he turneth them at his pleasure;Gen. 32.9, 10 11. & 33.4, 5 as he changed the fierce and savage mind of Esau to be mild and gentle towards his Brother Jacob. Why should a good man fear to find favour of his most deadly enemy, if it be for the best unto him? They that be in league with the Prince, have peace with the subjects: so they that upon true repentance and hearty supplication be reconciled unto God, shall find the whole Army of Heaven and Earth favourable unto them. And be it that the subjects of men may hate him whom their prince affecteth: none of Gods subjects can move himself to hurt us without his will and pleasure. Why should we despair of living peaceably with them to whom we are linked, unless we be resolved to live impenitently, and not to seek the Lord? Doth not God rule the hearts of men? And hath he not given his Promise, that if we humble our selves speedily, sincerely before him, he will grant us compassion in the sight of them that hate us?2 Chro. 30.9. If ye turn unto the Lord, your Brethren and your Children shall find compassion before them that lead them captive, so that they shall come again into this Land: And this is that which Solomon prayed at the dedication of the Temple: If they bethink themselves, and repent, and make supplication in the Land of them that carried them captive, 1 King. 8.47, 48, 49, 50. 2 Chro. 7.11, 12, 13.saying, We have sinned, and have done perversely, we have committed wickedness; And so return unto thee with all their heart, and all their soul: Then hear thou their prayer and their supplication in Heaven thy dwelling place, and maintain their cause, And forgive thy people that have sinned against thee, and all their transgressions wherein they have transgressed against thee, and give them compassion before them, who have carried them captive, that they may have compassion on them. When Jacob feared lest the bordering Inhabitants should set upon him in hostile manner,Gen 35.1, 2. by reason of that bloudy slaughter which his Sonnes had made amongst the Sichemits, he is commanded to go to Bethel, and performe his vows to the Lord, as the only remedy to free himself and his from that imminent danger.Favour cometh by forbearing, not by rage. 2. To mitigate anger in another we must use silence: for, as the fire cannot long continue if the wood be taken from it, so anger cannot long endure, if words and cross answers be not multiplied: whereas on the other side, cross speeches and perverse replies, make the cholerick man proceed from anger to rage, from folly and fury to madness. And this the wise man teacheth us:Prov. 26.21. Jam. 3.5, 6. Prov. 30.33. As the coale maketh burning coales and wo…d a fire, so the contentious man is apt to kindle strife. Anger is as fire, and words as fewell. As he that wringeth his nose causeth blood to come out: so he that forceth wrath bringeth forth strife. By silent yeelding thou maist easily abate anothers anger, whereas cross answers make it ragingly violent. For as the Cannon-shot loseth his force, if it light in soft earth or wooll, but dasheth the stony wall in pieces: so the violence of the most furious anger is abated when it is not resisted, but furiously rageth, where it findeth any opposition. And hence it is that the Heathen man calleth anger the nerves or sinews of the mind,Wild-fire is put out with Milk. Nothing quencheth Lime save Oyl. Homa iratus est velut olla ebulliens; cui a qua frigida superfundenda est. Prov. 15.1. Prov. 25.15. Gen. 49.14. Judg. 8.1, 2, 3. Non aliud aptius est pharmacum, quam viri gravis oratio. Monander. which are intended and made stiffe, with sharpness and bitterness, but slack and easie, with courtesie and gentleness. 3. A soft and mild answer, either excusing their fault by shewing their innocency, or in all humbleness confessing it, and craving pardon, is most fit physick to cure anger. Oftentimes angry men imagine that silence argueth contempt, and proceedeth from sullenness, as though they were silent because they were discontented or scorned to return an answer. A soft answer (saith the wise Physician) putteth away wrath, but g…ievous words stirre up anger. A Prince is pacified by staying anger, and a soft tongue breaketh the …ones, or as it is in the Original, a man of bone, that is, such an one as is most stiffe and obdurate. An example hereof we have in Gid…on, who by his mild repl… pacified the proud Ephraimites, that contended with him without cause. And therefore iron which is red hot, being dipped in cold water, presently loseth all his heat, and returneth to his naturall coldness: so is the heat of the hottest anger soon mitigated with a cold and mild answer. 4. Grave and wholsome admonition, with good counsell and advice seasonably administred, is a notable remedy of unjust anger. Inordinate passion is better cured by accurate and sound speech joyned with truth, then with an hundred stripes. An example hereof we have in Abigail, who by her mild and discreet speeches quickly appeased Davids furious anger. But admonition must be given in fit season, when anger is overpast.1 Sam. 25.24. Animo aegrotanti medicus est oratio. Ille regit dictis animos, & pectora mulcet. Virg. En lib. 1. For as it is not fit to minister Physick to a sick Patient, while he is in a fit of an Ague, and therefore well-advised Physicians rather make choice of their Patients good day,: so it is in vain for a man to seek the curing of anger by good counsell, unless he stay till the fit be passed over, and the heat of anger somewhat asswaged. For a man cannot, nor will not hearken to another mans reasons, while he is subject to his own passions. And as a man heareth nothing almost which is said, when is house is on fire, for the noise of the multitude, the crackling of the flame, and the perturbation of his own mind: so the violence of this affection, and the fury of this passion, doth make a man while he is in a fit of rage, deaf to all reason. A Ship without a Pilote in a Tempest, will as soon receive a Governour from another place, as a man will admit the speech of another, whilest he is tossed to and fro with the waves of anger. And therefore they are to be admonished when the fury hath somewhat spent itself, and the great evils of anger both in respect of their souls and bodies, their neighbours and friends, the Church and Common-wealth, are as it were in one view, to be presented to their more sober meditations. But they who admonish are to remember, that they use all mildness and moderation in their admonition, lest while they go about to prevent anger for the time to come, they presently provoke it. For if they be too austere and rough in using too insolent invectives and bitter reprehensions, they do not onelyonly commit themselves a great absurdity, while in reproving anger they shew their own spleen, but also make their admonition altogether unprofitable. Because the angry man (if he see them so sharp and severe) will rather think how he may defend his fault by aggravavating the injuries which he hath received, then either confess it to such a cynick censurer, or labour to amend it. For as no man will suffer his wound to be searched by such a Surgeon as hath a rough hand, and an hard heart, neither will any Patient commit himself to the cure of a froward and merciless Physician: so man cannot abide (and therefore much less an angry man) to have his gauled faults too much rubbed, and the wounds and diseases of his mind healed and cured with too sharp a corasive and loathsome potion of insolent and bitter words. As the fearfull Snake, when he hath no meanes to fly away, will turn again, and desperately leap into the face of him that pursueth him. And the Dog that is hardly pursued with a cudgell, will turn again when he cannot fly away. So the angry man being so hardly pursued with sharp invectives and bitter reprehensions, that he hath no evasion of excuse to cover his fault, nor hope of pity by confessing it, doth as it were fly into the face of the reprover, by objecting his greater faults, that they may serve to extenuate his, which are less. 5. Humble submission doth allay Choler. Anger ceaseth against them that behave themselves in lowly manner: because they seem to confess themselves inferiours. The Lyons tear not the beasts that prostrate themselves before them.Gen. 33.3, 4. Dogs bite not such as humble themselves and crouch before them. If Jacob bow before his Brother, and call him my Lord Esau, he will fall upon his neck and kiss him. They are monsters of men rather then men, that rage in fury against them that submit themselves under their hand. 6. Benefits and kindness asswage anger, and pacifie the unquiet spirit. Some raving in anger have been wonne to their deadly enemy, even by this, that they have not hurt them,1 Sam. 24.17. & 26.21. Prov. 25.21. when it was in their power. If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eate, and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: for thou shalt heape coales of fire upon his head. Many gifts and good turns are of great force to appease and reconcile the minds that are seperated by anger. As Founders or Casters of Mettall, by adding much fewel and making a great fire, do cause the hardest iron or steele at last to melt, and become liquid: so, many and great good-turns will mollifie and quiet an imbittered heart, if there be any metall of ingenuity and good nature in them. Jacob knew this very well,Gen. 32.20. Prov. 21.14. and therefore he said with himself, I will appease my Brother Esau with the present that goeth before me. Lastly, We must diligently marke the disposition of angry persons, and by all lawfull means conform… our selves unto them, shunning all occasions of offence, and carrying our selves towards them in all mildness and courtesie, as shall be fittest to winne them. Be not hasty to go out of his sight. If the spirit of the Ruler rise up against thee, leave not thy place; for yeelding pacifieth great offences. A meek man, that in all things observeth how he may gaine his enemy unto him, is an healing man, who hath learned to cure the diseases of the soul.Eccl. 8.3. Eccl. 10.4. But let it be remembred, that if we prevaile not speedily by this course, we must not utterly despair, as if things would never be better: No, we must arm our selves with invincible patience, and labour with much kindness to overcome their frowardness. A small fire or little time will not melt the hard iron or steele: The soare is not cured as soon as the Plaster is applied: The sick Patient recovereth not upon receipt of the first Potion, yet there is no cause to cast off all hope of health.