Contemplations and Devotions, Part 4
IIII. Hee is forsaken by his Apostles, forsworne by Peter.
HOwever, yet friends, as they multiply and redouble Ioy, so they divide and lessen misery, as in plenty of hearts, they mutually reflect the beames of the one, so in plurality of Shoulders, they refract the burdens of the other, his friendly, his faithfull Apostles, then those companions of his life, of his choice, they (no question share with him, as in the glory of his miracles, so in the misery of his sufferings: no,Esa. 63 3. he trod the wine presse alone, and there was none to helpe him, yet if not partners with him, can they be lesse, then now Comforters to him in death, as before Companions in life? yes, I found none to comfort mee, Psa. 69.21.no none to pitie me: or if Comforters, how well like Iobs, miserable Comforters all, nay how much worse then Iobs, his came to him from afarre; Iob. 2.12.but these run, if not so farre, yet faster from him: They did not know Iob on that dunghill of his misery: But these will not know him in this Dungeon of his Captivity. How well might hee complaine, that hee came to his owne, and his owne would not know him, come hee into the world, his owne creatures, men, dignified not onelyonly by his owne Image, at first, but now how much more in his assumption of theirs? how doe they set at nothing this eternall word, that with a word of nothing, made them? Hee came into the world, and the world received him not. Come hee to his owne nation, the Iewes, so much anciently obliged by his choice, renowned by his conquests, indeed by his more frequent, his more familiar revelations, so much that it contracted his stile to (the God of Israel) But now yet further enobled by his parentage, honoured by his birth, influenc'd by his life, and doctrine, that will none of him neither, nor can it afford him better language, then a Glutton, a Winebibber, nay, a Blasphemer, Belzebub himselfe. Come hee to his owne province Galile, and there too being a Prophet, Mat. 13.55. Mar. 6.4.hee is disesteem'd in his owne Countrey, is not this the Carpenters Sonne? And here not onelyonly is hee vpbraided of,Luk. 4.23, but by that his poore kind…ed, Physitian heale thy selfe. Come hee to his owne Ierusalem, so much enthroniz'd by his presence, enlightned by his Sermons, amazed by his miracles, bedewed with his teares. O Ierusalem, Ierusalem, Mat. 23.39.how often would I, &c. But thou would'st not; is that all? no,See his accusation. here hee is not onelyonly reiected, but traduced, and that of no lesse, then treason against Caesar, Sedition against the Law, Enmity against the Temple, Blasphemy against God. Come hee yet neerer to his owne Disciples,2. Tim. 4.10. and many of them Demas-like, fall backe to the love of this present world, Iam. 4.4.which is enmity to him from that time; many (saies the text) drew backe and walked no more with him: Io. 6.66.But however, can his Apostles leave him too; they say no, master to whom should we goe, thou hast the words of eternall life, and yet, like Ionah's Gourd; when the Sun beates hotest on, and there is most need, how soone are they all withred, vanish'd, one betrayes him, another forsweares him, all forsake him. What his Apostles? that twelue-sign'd Zo…iake., wherein this Sun of righteousnesse, Mal. 4.2.was to encompasse the whole world with divine light, and heate? what and shaken with such a motion of trepidation, as thus exorbitantly, to wander with the inferior Planets, t…'other wavering disc… ples? What the children of light, doe they, to shunne h… light it selfe, thus runne into the darke? the truth it selfe seeke corners, Mat. 6.23.if the light it selfe become darke, how great is that darknesse; If the Salt of the world grow vnsauoury, Mat 8.15.wherewith shall it be seasoned. Yet, if the world reiect him, it doth but like it selfe, for (as himselfe speakes) it loves but its owne, and I am not of the world; Io. 1… 29.If the Iewes hate him, 'tis but their old wont, of seeking to kill the Prophets, and to stone such as were sent vntounto them; If his countrey men and kindred slight him,M…r. 6 5.6 Mat. 13.58. 'tis no so great a wonder, for because of their vnbeleefe, he… wrought not many wonders among them. If Ierusalem dishonor him, the wonder was …lready pass'd, how was the faithfull Citie long since become an harlot? Esa. 1.20.If the faith of those his weaker Capernaitish, M…t 14. Leu. 26.26 Io. 6.loafe-led Disciples, faint for want of that staffe of its life, bread, no maruell, for such comets blaze, no longer then they are fed: But if these fixed starres begin to fall from their Spheare, if these nailes driven in a sure place, begin to start aside, like a broken Bow: Psa 78.58.If these Cedars of Libanon become such reeds shaken with the wind, let him that stands take heed lest hee fall: what, his Apostles, those Secretaries of his mysteries to you it is given to know the secrets of the kingdome, Luk 8.10.without Parables. Those Stewards of his mercies,Mat 10. whose sinnes you forgiue shall be forgiven, those almners of his bounties, those ioynt-worke…s with him of his miracles, what and now fugitiue desolators of his miseries? had they not all promis'd never to forsake him, what and so soone fly him before they know, either his occasion, or their owne danger? can they so deny their owne words, nay, can they so deny the eternall word, Io. 1.had they not seene him raise Lazarus and ohers, out of the hands of death it selfe to life, and could they thinke he could not easier release them to liberty, or preserue them to life, from this weaker band of these already word-foild souldiers; had hee not warned them before of his being thus delivered into the hands of men; Luk 23. Ioh. 18.6.they might have poorely pleaded the sudden surprizing strangnesse of the accident, but hee tels them plainely what to trust to,Io. 16.4. thus must the Son of man be delivered, and hee tels them too, that he had told them it before: Behold, I have told you before, Mat 16 23.and had cald Peter, Devill, for his master spare thy selfe: was their faith but now so strong as to cast out spirits, and is not their love now so true, as to cast out this weake spirit, this Ghost of feare?1. Io 4 18. True love (saies one of them) casteth out feare; love is strong as death (sayes Solomon) but alas, here how soone doth the least glimpse of death, put it to the death of feare, of flight? And how brainelesse too, as well as heart-lesse, is carnall, worldly feare; how headlongly, how headlessely doth it here run for life, from life; from him, who is life it selfe, for a life, which indeed is the worst of deaths, death eternall, 'tis no other then an vtter losse of his presence. How weakly doe they sticke to die with him temporally, when without him, they can live, neither temporally, nor eternally; was it not enough, that when hee was but now a praying, Mat. 26.a sweating, that they were all so heavy, as to sleepe. But that now too, when hee is a binding, a suffering, they are all so light, as to runne away; must they not one day sit on Thrones, and iudge the twelue Tribes of Israel, Mat. 19.28.what and now fly from them like guilty, conscious malefactors, and so, betray so good a cause to suspition, insultation by so trustlesse a flight. When Israel turne their backes vponupon their enemies (saies Ioshua) what shall wee then say: Ios. 7.8.But when these Iudges of Israel thus …urne their backs vponupon their enemies, nay, vponupon their best of friends, their Master, their Saviour, who dares trust to an arme, a heart of flesh; Ier. 17.5. Psa. 11.1.what should wee but say with David, In the Lord put I my trust, as for the children of men, they are all deceitfull vponupon the weights, they are altogether, lighter then vanity it selfe. What empty shadowes, bubbles, ciphers are the best of men; summe vp to the fullest worth, but of their personall abilities? how very a Reed shaken with every wind? Mat. 11.Nay, how very a broken Reed like Egypt, not onelyonly failing, but running into the hand of the Leaner on, is the best of humane courage, strength, faith; If God but withdraw his hand, which only keepes this bruised Reed from breaking. Mat 12.20.How like a child left by man in some ravenous desert, is man left by God in this wildernesse, the world, not onelyonly not able to helpe himselfe, but sure to betray himselfe a prey to dangers, which hee awakens with his owne cryes, and feares, feare makes him fly, and flight makes him meet with more dangers, then hee needs, and some times makes him affraid to fly, and so cowardize disables him from playing the Coward. These Apostles themselues, when left to themselues, those Pillars of truth, what feathers are they in this storme of feare, all feare to follow him, some (it seemes) feare both, to follow, and to leave him too, else why doe Peter and Iohn follow him, and no neerer; before his death here, how fearefull are they all to follow him? and after death againe, how fearefull are they all without him; they were privately gathred together (saies theIoh. 20 19. text) for feare of the Iewes, and after that, when risen againe; how fearefull are they all againe, to meet him? They were all afraid, supposing that they had scene a spirit. Whether it be to follow or fly him, to leave or meet him, still they are affraid, without him; when man leaves God, how timorous, how treacherous a Sanctuary hath hee left to fly to? when God leaves man, how slippery, how harmelesse an Altar is left him to catch hold of? How heartlesse is the man, that is godlesse? there is but one onelyonly, that can either search, or secure the heart, and that is he, who made it.Psa. 18.29. If David can leape …ver the wall, 'tis by the helpe of his God, if he be not …ffraid though ten thousand should hemme him in, Psa. 3 6.'tis because the Lord sustaines him. Let but that Lord of his, never so little withdraw his support,Psa. 55.15. and then fearefulnes and trembling comes vponupon him, and a fearefull dread over whelmes him; he is hunted like a Partridge, on the Mountaines by every Foe, and hee stickes fast in every mire. So little heart of his owne, hath the man after Gods own heart, if left to himselfe, man when hee is left to be his owne God, is not left to bee his owne man. God sometimes (as here by his Apostles) lets vsus fall, to let vsus see, by whom it is wee stand, to let vsus learne the hand that holds vsus, to let vsus know we are but men, Psa. 9.20.not men without him. These Apostles themselues here, to let them and vsus too, to see that they are but the House, and not the Rock: Mat. 16.How fearefull are they, how weather-beaten, when once they had left their master? how resolute againe, how storme-proofe, when once they have received from him the Comforter; what was before their feare, 'tis now their ioy: They departed from the Councell reioycing, Act. 5.41.that they were accounted worthy to suffer for his name, and so too in those their discipled Successors of those primitive times, it was no other then that Comforter (as they still confess'd) that made their victorious patience, so bravely to out-bid the malice, to blunt the edge of cruelty it selfe, to tire at once the hands and wits of their Tormentors, and (having frustrated their intended pitie at their sufferings, into envy at their patience) to sing and triumph in those fierie Chariots of their burning stakes, whereon (Eliah-like they rode to Heaven as Conquerors.2 Kings 2. So important is this divine support, that its withdrawing (wee see) made our Saviour himselfe to cry out, my God, my God, why hast thou forsaken mee. How very a halfe quench'd cole rak'd vp in the pale cold ashes of distrustfull feare, is the faith of the whole world here become? Twice the truth of Gods second Covenant, more especially, seemes to lye a bleeding;Gen. 2.8. at Isaacs sacrifice; and these Apostles flight: Isaacs Throat (in whose seed all the nations of the earth were to bee blessed) was not then neerer the knife, then is that of these Apostles faith (by whose seed, the word, that blessing to all those nations was to be conueid. Mat. 28.19) Into what low wanes doth this Sunne of righteousnesse, Mal. 4.2.when hee pleases to take off his Countenance, suffer our spotted moones of faith to weare into? Nor is it easie to say, whether it bee, more to humble, or hearten vsus, that he doth it, whether to let vsus see our owne weaknesse, or rather his strength in weaknesse? our faith's may bee sometimes a flame, sometimes but a cole; nay sometimes but a sparkle, and yet still a true fire; nay bee it but smoaking flax, God will not quench it, but can by the breath of his spirit, blow it (as Iohn Baptists) into a burning and a shining light. Mat. 11.God loves to shew his power, in weaknesse, to preserue a whole world in one little Arke: hee affects nothing more, then as to make his preseruations augmentative ever into more; so his augmentations (as neere as may be) creatiue from almost nothing;Mat. 14. hee reaches not out the hand, vntill Peter bee almost suncke: mans extremity is mostly Gods oportunity; hee is more especially a refuge, 2 Kin. 11.2.(as David speakes) in due time of trouble; 'tis in the heart of man, as in the house of David, there may a little Ioash lye hid a long time, in whom Gods promise, and Davids, and his seed's interest may be made good. Be my faith but a mustard seed, Luk. 13.it may yet have life enough to spring, and strength enough to throw the mountaine of my sins into the Sea of my Saviours blood. Every sleeping, nay every swooning is not death, whether in soule or body:2 Cor. 5.7. Wee live not by sense (saies the Apostle) but by saith; and that faith too may live, and yet not bee sensible, no not to the owner:Col. 3.3. Our life 'tis bid with Christ in God: Man cannot be surer vnited to his Saviour, then in him God was to man, and yet (wee see) there was a time, when hee himselfe felt not that vnion, but cryed out, my God, my God why hast thou forsaken me.
But O my blessed Lord and Saviour, how frowardly art thou here dealt with? Thou callest all vntounto thee, come vntounto mee, Mat. 11.28.all that are heavily laden: Thou art now so thy selfe (Lord) and doe all even thine owne Apostles too runne from thee; and thereby cast yet more weight vponupon thee, already panting in a sweat of blood, vnderunder that heavy load of thy fathers wrath; mans sinne, the peoples fury, the Priests enuy, is not all enough? not the malice of thine enemies, without the flight of thy friends; which how tenderly thou took'st, thine owne complaint best speakes:Psal. 88.18. My lovers and friends hast thou put away from mee, and hid mine acquaintance out of my sight. Wilt thou so (Lord) tread the mine presse alone, Esay 66.3.so ingrosse the whole burden of thy miseries, as that not one of thy Apostles shall share with thee, no not in a wound, a stripe, a knocke, a taunt? I see then (blessed Lord) thou needest none of thy Apostles helpe to save mee from suffering, whenas thou neededst, vouchsafedst none of them to assist thee in it; they fly from life, to save themselues from a death temporall. Let mee never then fly to them for life, to save mee from a death eternall: no, let mee ever rather doe as they say, master, Ioh. 1.to whom else should I goe, thou hast the words of eternall life; nay, thou art that word of life eternall.
Thou sufferedst (Lord) thine owne Apostles, thus to fall, that I might take the better heed how I stand; let mee not turne then thy grace to them into wantonnesse, Iud. 4.but into watchfulnesse. If thine owne parents loose thee, Luk. 2.thine owne Apostles thus leave thee, how much more should I,Phil. 2.12. worke out my saluation with feare and trembling. Let their fall, at most, but raise mee from despaire, when I am downe; let it not cast mee into a presumption of falling, being vp on security of rising againe with them; Let mee never hence take example to fall; because I may rise, but rather to stand, that I fall not, or but to rise when I am falne.
Let my faith (Lord) and love bee ever to thee, like those thy two Apostles, Iohn & Peter, my faith with Iohn, Ioh. 13.23.may it ever leane on thy bosome, possessing in a reverent familiarity, the treasure of those merits and mercies of thy breast. My love with Peter, let it ever follow thee wheresoever thou goest; But not as hee doth here a farre off, in a cold neutrall, hal…ing indifferency, that's the way to fall at length, with him, flatly to deny thee: But (alas) have I not often with Peter denyed thee? If thou bee the truth, every lye denies thee,Ioh. 14. nay, if I bee thy Seruant, doth not very wilfull disobedience to thy commands deny thee to be my master; If I bee a master, where is my obedience; 'tis thine owne argument, and claime: how often (Lord) with Peter, hath nothing but my speech bewrayd mee thine, a Galilaean but from the teeth outward; nay, how seldome hath so much as my speech spoke in me any such relation? O let mee ever (Lord) as often deny my selfe, as thee; when ever my tongue shall bee so set on fire of hell, Iam. 3.6.with Peters, bee my head too a Fountaine of teares, Ier. 9.1.with Ieremies and Peters too, to quench it with; If at any time I deny thee (Lord) yet doe not thou deny to looke backe on mee, Luk. 22.61.as on Peter, rather frowne on mee, then not looke on mee, and spare not to shame mee, so thou doe amend me, rather pursue mee with all thy stormes (with David) then leave me to this one calme of mine owne heart, security;Psal. 88.6. Eccle. 25.15give mee any plague, save the plague of the heart, any punishment, save that of Davids curse vponupon thine enemies,Psal 69.28. of falling from one wickednesse into another, and of Satans standing at my right hand: Bee not so angry with mee, as …o take away thine anger, Esa. 1.5.and to resolue not to smite mee any more: Let me fall rather with David, into the hands of God; give mee not over (Lord) into the hands of mine enemies to punish mee, those worst Executioners, the enemies of mine owne house, of mine owne heart; If thou kill mee, yet (with Iob) will I trust in thee; but if thou wilt not know, not owne mee, alas how can I thy forwardst, and most promising Apostle, hee that could but now so resolutely walke to thee vponupon the water, even he, how soone (when thy countenance is put off him) fals hee to deny thee, by the warme fire? If at any time then, more then other, I feare to deny thee, bee it when I am warmely prosperous, the danger will not bee so great; when I am in danger, in all time of my wealth, good Lord deliver mee. And as prosperity tempts the man: So (Lord I see) society often makes a man to tempt his Tempter: How soone, how busily doth the devill set on …eter in the high Priests Hall, how easily doth hee there foile him by the question of a silly girle. Let mee have nothing (Lord) to doe with the stoole of wickednesse, Psa. 94 20.which imagines mischiefe, as a Law; how soone doth Peter himselfe so become companionably wicked, sociably sinfull. And seeing, that when thine owne Apostles left thee, to become their, owne masters, thou iustly left'st them to be come not their owne men; O thou that ever seekest, vntill thou bee refused; art ever found, if well sought, but never leavest, if not first left, seeke mee, find mee, keepe mee, leave mee not to my selfe, left so I be left beside, without my selfe; and yet if at any time, the better to make mee know the hand that holds mee, thou seeme to leave mee for a time, leave mee (but as thou hast promis'd) not comfortlesse, Ioh. 14.though thou seeme to sleepe in my soule,Mat. 8.24. as some time in the ship: Thou wil… awake sure ere it drowne, and so, how ever it bee (as that) full and covered with Waves, Mar. 4.37.yet can it not miscary, as long as thou art in it, it caries a more securing fraught, then Caesar with all his fortunes, one who can with a word, both steere the Vessell, and still the Seas.