The Sovereignty and Goodness of God, Part 3 – Part 4
The third remove.
The morning being come, they prepared to go their way: One of the Indians got up upon a horſe, and they ſet me up behind him, with my poor ſick Babe in my lap. A very weariſome and tedious day I had of it; what with my own wound, and my Childs being ſo exceeding ſick, and in a lamentable condition with her wound. It may be eaſily judged what a poor feeble condition we were in, there being not the leaſt crumb of refreſhing that came within either of our mouths, from Wedneſday night to Saturday night, except only a little cold water. This day in the afternoon, about an hour by Sun, we came to the place where they intendded, viz. an Indian Town, called Wenimeſſet, Norward of Quabaug. When we were come, Oh the number of Pagans (now mercileſs enemies) that there came about me, that I may ſay as David, Pſal. 27.13, I had fainted, unleſs I had believed, &c. The next day was the Sabbath: I then remembred how careleſs I had been of Gods holy time: how many Sabbaths I had loſt and miſpent, and how evily I had walked in Gods ſight; which lay ſo cloſs unto my ſpirit, that it was eaſie for me to ſee how righteous it was with God to cut off the threed of my life, and caſt me out of his preſence for ever. Yet the Lord ſtill ſhewed mercy to me, and upheld me; and as he wounded me with one hand, ſo he healed me with the other. This day there came to me one Robbert Pepper (a man belonging to Roxbury) who was taken in Captain Beers his Fight, and had been now a conſiderable time with the Indians; and up with them almoſt as far as Albany to ſee king Philip, as he told me, and was now very lately come into theſe parts. Hearing, I ſay, that I was in this Indian Town, he obtained leave to come and ſee me. He told me, he himſelf was wounded in the leg at Captain Beers his Fight; and was not able ſome time to go, but as they carried him, and as he took Oaken leaves and laid to his wound, and through the bleſſing of God he was able to travel again. Then I took Oaken leaves and laid to my ſide, and with the bleſſing of God it cured me alſo; yet before the cure was wrought, I may ſay, as it is in Pſal. 38.5, 6. My wounds ſtink and are corrupt, I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly, I go mourning all the day long. I ſat much alone with a poor wounded Child in my lap, which moaned night and day, having nothing to revive the body, or cheer the ſpirits of her, but in ſtead of that, ſometimes one Indian would come and tell me one hour, that your Maſter will knock your Child in the head, and then a ſecond, and then a third, your Maſter will quickly knock your Child in the head.
This was the comfort I had from them, miſerable comforters are ye all, as he ſaid. Thus nine dayes I ſat upon my knees, with my Babe in my lap, till my fleſh was raw again; my Child being even ready to depart this ſorrowfull world, they bade me carry it out to another Wigwam (I ſuppoſe becauſe they would not be troubled with ſuch ſpectacles) Whither I went with a very heavy heart, and down I ſat with the picture of death in my lap. About two houtes in the night, my ſweet Babe, like a Lambe departed this life, on Feb. 18. 1675. It being about ſix yeares, and five months old. It was nine dayes from the firſt wounding, in this miſerable condition, without any refreſhing of one nature or other, except a little cold water. I cannot but take notice, how at another time I could not bear to be in the room where any dead perſon was, but now the caſe is changed; I muſt and couldly down by my dead Babe, ſide by ſide all the night after. I have thought ſince of the wonderfull goodneſs of God to me, in preſerving me in the uſe of my reaſon and ſenſes, in that diſtreſſed time, that I did not uſe wicked and violent means to end my own miſerable life. In the morning, when they underſtood that my child was dead they ſent for me home to my Maſters Wigwam: (by my Maſter in this writing, muſt be underſtood Quanopin, who was a Saggamore, and married King Phillips wives Siſter; not that be firſt took me, but I was ſold to him by another Narrhaganſet Indian, who took me when firſt I came out of the Gariſon I went to take up my dead child in my arms to carry it with me, but they bid me let it alone: there was no reſiſting, but goe I muſt and leave it. When I had been at my maſters wigwam, I took the firſt opportunity I could get, to go look after my dead child: when I came I askt them what they had done with it? then they told me it was upon the hill: then they went and ſhewed me where it was, where I ſaw the ground was newly digged, and there they told me they had buried it: There I left that Child in the Wilderneſs, and muſt commit it, and my ſelf alſo in this Wilderneſs-condition, to him who is above all. God having taken away this dear Child, I went to ſee my daughter Mary, who was at this ſame Indian Town, at a Wigwam not very far off, though we had little liberty or opportunity to ſee one another: ſhe was about ten years old, & taken from the door at firſt by a Praying Ind & afterward ſold for a gun. When I came in ſight, ſhe would fall a weeping; at which they were provoked, and would not let me come near her, but bade me be gone; which was a heart-cutting word to me. I had one Child dead, another in the Wilderneſs, I knew not where, the third they would not let me come near to: Me (as he ſaid) have ye bereaved of my Children, Joſeph is not, and Simeon is not, and ye will take Benjamin alſo, all theſe things are against me. I could not for ſtill in this condition, but kept, walking from one place to another. And as I was going along, my heart was …n overwhelm'd with the thoughts of my condition, and that I ſhould have Children, and a Nation which I knew not ruled over them. Whereupon learneſtly entreated the Lord, that he would conſider my low eſtate, and ſhew me a token for good, and if it were his bleſſed will, ſome ſign and hope of ſome relief. And indeed quickly the Lord anſwered, in ſome meaſure, my poor prayers: For as I was going up and down mourning and lamenting my condition, my Son came to me, and asked me how I did; I had not ſeen him before, ſince the deſtruction of the Town, and I knew not where he was, till I was informed by himſelf, that he was amongſt a ſmaller percel of Indians, whoſe place was about ſix miles off; with tears in his eyes, he asked me whether his Siſter Sarah was dead; and told me he had ſeen his Siſter Mary; and prayed me, that I would not be troubled in reſerence to himſelf. The occaſion of his coming to ſee me at this time, was this: There was, as I ſaid, about ſix miles from us, a ſmal Plantation of Indians, where it ſeems he had been during his Captivity: and at this time, there were ſome Forces of the Ind. gathered out of our company, and ſome alſo from them (among whom was my Sons maſter) to go to aſſault and burn Medfield: In this time of the abſence of his master, his dame brought him to ſee me. I took this to be ſome gracious anſwer to my earneſt and unfeigned deſire. The next day, viz. to this, the Indians returned from Medfield, all the company, for thoſe that belonged to the other ſmal company, came thorough the Town that now we were at But before they came to us, Oh! the outragious roaring and hooping that there was: They began their din about a mile before they came to us. By their noiſe and hooping they ſignified how many they had deſtroyed (which was at that time twenty three) Thoſe that were with us at home, were gathered together as ſoon as they heard the hooping, and every time that the other went over their number, theſe at home gave a ſhout, that the very Earth rung again: And thus they coutinned till thoſe that had been upon the expedition were come up to the Sagamores Wigwam; and then, Oh, the hideous inſulting and triumphing that there was over ſome Engliſh mens ſcalps that they had taken (as their manner it) and brought with them. I cannot but take notice of the wonderfull mercy of God to me in thoſe afflictions, in ſending me a Bible One of the Indians that came from Medfield fight, had brought ſome plunder, came to me, and asked me, if I would have a Bible, he had got one in his Basket, I was glad of it, and asked him, whether be thought the Indians would let me read? he anſwered, yes; ſo I took the Bible, and in that melancholy time, it came into my mind to read firſt the 28. Chap. of Deut. which I did, and when I had read it, my dark heart wrought on this manner, That there was no mercy for me, that the bleſſings were gone, and the Curſes Came in their room, and that I bad loſt my opportunity. But the Lord helped me ſtill to go one reading till I came to Chap. 30 the ſeven firſt verſes, where I ſound, There was mercy promiſed again, if we would return to him by reportance; and though we were ſcartered from one end of the Earth to the other, yet the Lord would gather … together, and turn all thoſe curſes upon our Enemies, I do not deſire to live to forget this Scripture, and what comfort it was to me.
Now the Ind. began to talk of removing from this place, ſome one way, and ſome another. There were now beſides my ſelf nine, Engliſh Captives in this place (all of them Children, except one Woman) I got an opportunity to go and take my leave of them; they being to go one way, and I another, I asked them whether they were earneſt with God for deliverance, they told me, they did as they were able, and it was ſome comfort to me, that the Lord ſtirred up Children to look to him. The Woman viz. Goodwife Joſtin told me, ſhe ſhould never ſee me again, and that ſhe could find in her heart to run away; I wiſht her not to tun away by any means, for we were near thirty miles from any Engliſh Town, and ſhe very big with Child, and had but one week to reckon; and another Child in her Arms, two years old, and bad Rivers there were to go over, & we were feeble, with our poor & courſe entertainment. I had my Bible with me, I pulled it out, and asked her whether ſhe would read; we opened the Bible and lighted on Pſal. 27. in which Pſalm we eſpecially took notice of that, ver. alt, Wait no the Lord, Be of good courage, and he ſhall ſtrengthen thine Heart, wait I ſay on the Lord.
The fourth Remove.
And now I muſt part with that little Company I had. Here I parted from my Daughter Mary, (whom I never ſaw again till I ſaw her in Dorceſter, returned from Captivity, and from four little Couſins and Neighbours, ſome of which I never ſaw afterward: the Lord only knows the end of them. Amongſt them alſo was that poor Woman before mentioned, who came to a ſad end, as ſome of the company told me in my travel: She having much grief upon her Spirit, about her miſerable condition, being ſo near her time, ſhe would be often asking the Indians to let her go home; they not being willing to that, and yet vexed with her importunity, gathered a great company together about her, and ſtript her naked, and ſet her in the midſt of them; and when they had ſung and danced about her (in their helliſh manner) as long as they pleaſed, they knockt her on head, and the child in her arms with her: when they had done that, they made a fire and put them both into it, and told the other Children that were with them, that if they attempted to go home, they would ſerve them in like manner: The Children ſaid, ſhe did not ſhed one tear, but prayed all the while. But to return to my own Journey; we travelled about half a day or little more, and came to a deſolate place in the Wilderneſs, where there were no Wigwams or Inhabitants before; we came about the middle of the afternoon to this place; cold and wet, and ſnowy, and hungry, and weary, and no refreſhing, for man, but the cold ground to ſit on, and our poor Indian cheer.
Heart-aking thoughts here I had about my poor Children, who were ſcattered up and down among the wild beaſts of the forreſt: My head was light & diſſey (either through hunger or hard lodging, or trouble or altogether) my knees feeble, my body raw by ſitting double night and day, that I cannot expreſs to man the affliction that lay upon my Spirit, but the Lord helped me at that time to expreſs it to himſelf. I opened my Bible to read, and the Lord brought that precious Scripture to me, Jer. 31.16. Thus ſaith the Lord, refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears, for thy work ſhall be rewarded, and they ſhall come again from the land of the Enemy. This was a ſweet Cordial to me, when I ſat down, and weept ſweetly over this Scripture. At this place we continued about four dayes.