A Meet Help, Sermon
A Meet Help. Or, A Wedding SERMON.
WE are invited this day (to a Wedding Supper, I can't ſay) but to a Wedding Sermon. Marriage as well as meat is ſanctified by the Word of God and Prayer. 1 Tim. 4.5. It is the worſt Clandeſtine Marriage ſaith one*Fuller when God is not invited to it; when he is by Prayer and the Sanctification of his Word ſought with it, as it is nobly Publick, ſo may we expect it will be laſtingly proſperous. That Word of the Lord which may he bleſs to the Sanctification of this, and ſo rendring it, you may …nd Written,
Geneſis II. 18. And the Lord God ſaid, it is not good that the man ſhould be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
VVHEN the Maker of the World had finiſhed his glorious workmanſhip, the Heavens and the Earth, and all the Hoſt of them, and had aſſign'd man, who was as an Epitome or Compendium of the Creation (a Microcoſm in this Macrocoſm a leſſer World in thi… greater) a convenient domicil or habitation, together with a Calling, in a Garden of his own planting; He takes notice yet of ſomething wanting, at leaſt for mans conveniency and comfort and reſolves upon the providing of it. Indee… Junius, Piſcator and Diadoti apprehend this done before man had his place aſſign'd him in th… Garden; and I do grant it was on the Sixth Day, and before God took a Survey of his whole work, and pronounced thereon, That it was ver… Good: Though I do at preſent concur with Pareus, that it was after he was brought into the Garden. Then is the want of a Meet Help moſt ſeen, when a man is fix't to any certai… place, or in any particular Calling, and it is goo… at ſuch a time to look out for that which Go… did not ſee good that man ſhould be without God Himſelf look't out for the firſt man, as good Parents ſometimes do for their Children, and ſo he does indeed for all ever ſince, Matches are made in Heaven, and God brings to every Man his Wife that has one, verſe 22. He conſults the good of man more than man doth his own; ungrateful he, if he doth not conſult Gods Glory. God conſults his pleaſure, as well as his profit; ungrateful he, if he content not himſelf in the bounds that God hath ſet him; and if he content not himſelf to drink waters out of his own Ciſtern. Prov. 5.15. There cannot an inconveniency attend mans condition but God ſpies it ſooner then man himſelf: it was not Adam ſaid, It is not good that man ſhould be alone, but it was the LORD GOD ſaid it: nor is man more ready to remedy his own inconveniency then God is, I will make him an help meet for him, ſaith God. It is great folly, unbelief, and ingratitude for man not to reſt contented with God's care of & proviſion for him, and diſpoſal of all his concerns: all a mans own care is inopportune and inſignificant without it, & miſplac'd where that is diſtruſted. The Apoſtle teacheth better, when he ſaith, Caſting all your care upon him for he careth for you. 1 Pet. 5.7. Though I find man immediately upon his Creation, and in innocency in the Garden of Eden; I may not now ſtand to pick and preſent you with the many and various roſes and flowers I find him ſurrounded with, for the time I am confined to, will permit me to gather no more than I can haſtily catch at, growing upon theſe two Stalks, ſcil. The Obſervation that the Lord God, mans Maker, makes of the man he had placed in the Garden, and his reſolution thereupon; (for of theſe two parts do the words we have read conſiſt) the Obſervation he makes is, That it is not good that man ſhould be alone, his reſolution thereupon is, I will make him an help meet for him. I ſay firſt, the Obſervation he makes, is, that it is not good the man ſhould be alone, and therein he doth recommend it as an Obſervation unto us, Scil.
Obſ. That it is not good that the man ſhould be alone: This is what the Lord God hath ſaid, and we may ſafely ſay it after him; and the Lord God ſaid, ſaid, whether in ſo many words and ſyllables, or in the mind of man, or revealing it, by an Angel, or any other way ſaith Auſtin, there is no need to ſeek, but rather that we underſtand what he did ſay; (be ſure it ſerves to repreſent the Counſel of God in this matter (the ſame which he took in the Creating of man) or as acting by Counſel, and manifeſting i… in the execution thereof.)
Theſe are then the queſtions proper here to be enquired into: Scil.
1. In what ſenſe we are to underſtand the phraſe alone?
2. In what reſpect it is not good that the man ſhould ſo be?
Queſt. 1. In what ſenſe we are to understand the phraſe alone?
Sol. Not of any ſolitude or ſolitarineſs; for in ſome ſenſe it is good for a man to be alone, and at ſome times, as when he goes to meditate, &c. and at ſuch a time as the Philoſopher ſaid, he is never leſs alone, then when he is alone; but by alone here we are to underſtand, without a Compeer, Conſort, Companion as other Creatures had, without a woman, without a Wife, without a Meet Help, which it is therefore added, ſhall be prepared: It is not good that the man ſhould be alone in this reſpect; which is to be underſtood again of the ſpecies (of mankind) not of Individuals, for it is granted of ſome Individuals, it is good of them to be alone, even in this reſpect, as of ſuch as them mentioned. Mat. 19.12. and ſo ſuch as are of an unſociable nature, are like brambles and briars, will tare and afflict all that come near them; and ſo likewiſe at ſome times, as in times of perſecution it is good for a man not to touch a woman, ſaith the Apoſtle Paul. 1 Cor. 7.1. but then he ſpeaks only of that particular time, as he explains himſelf, v. 26. I ſuppoſe therefore that this is good for the preſent diſtreſs; and there may be yet other things that may render it convenient to this or the other individual to be alone, or for the preſent time, but in general, and for mankind it is not good. That is then the Second Enquiry, Scil.
Queſt. 2. In what reſpect it is not good that the man ſhould be alone?
Sol. 1. In that it doth not anſwer the end in mans Creation. As,
1. The propagation of mankind; had man been or continued alone, how ſhould mankind in a natural way, and regularly have been propagated? and ſhould every man now do ſo, what would become of the whole world in one Age? God could indeed have Created at firſt ſuch a number of men as he did of Angels, but it was Gods pleaſure to make of one blood, all Nations of men to dwell on all the face of the Earth. Acts 17.26. and in order to the obtaining of that end, it was not good that man ſhould be alone.
2. His gathering a Church out of mankind, that was Gods end we ſee, in that it is done, but that could not have been, had mankind not extended beyond one individual.
3. The Glory of his Mercy and Juſtice in Sending his Son in the Fleſh, born of a woman which would never have been, had the man been alone, or had there been no woman; In theſe reſpects it don't anſwer Gods end in mans Creation, and therefore is not good that the man ſhould be alone.
2. It don't anſwer mans immediate end, nor indeed any end of man; it is not good, i. e. neither bonum, jucundum, or utile, it is neither pleaſant nor profitable, nor indeed honourable. The …od that man enjoyes in this world (not to …eak of that which he doth, which is bonum …estum, the good of honeſty) is either …eaſure, profit or honour, but for man to be a…e doth not make for either of theſe.
1. It doth not make for his pleaſure; ſolitarineſs … very uncomfortable the Wife man tells us, …cleſ. 4.9, 10, 11, 12. Man is a ſociable Creature, …d to ſuch an one a ſolitary life, though aboun…ng with all other good things, would be tedi…s and unpleaſant; it muſt needs be ſo to him …o is alone in a wide world, and has none of … kind with him, though the Creatures ſhould … ſubjected to his dominion.
2. Nor doth it make for his profit; profit is …mmonly aim'd at in marching as well as plea…re, and there are more ways then one where… it is obtained, it doth not then make there…re to lead a ſingle life; you know the proverb, …at he that would thrive, muſt firſt ask his …ifes leave, and if ſo, he muſt have one to ask; … doth not beſure make for the profit of the …nd, if by accident it ſhould to the profit of this …dividual; as that the man ſhould be alone …oth not make for his profit, ſo neither
3. Doth it make for his honour; Marriage is …onourable in all, it is ſaid, Heb. 13 4. that doth …ot then make for his honour which is contrary …o it; Thus we ſee in ſhort then, that for man to be alone in the ſence ſaid, doth neither anſwer Gods end, nor mans, and therefore it is not good. I might have been larger in ſhewing it, but conſidering the Occaſion, I ſhall content my ſelf with what has been ſaid, and proceed to the Uſe we ſhould make of it.
USE 1. Is it not good that the man ſhould be a lone, or without the woman? this condemns Miſogyniſts, ſuch as cry out againſt all women, hate woman kind (if there be ſuch among mankind) are bitter, and full of ſpiteful invectives againſt them; they hate and inveigh againſt them, whom it is not good that man ſhould be without, and indeed that they are without them is commonly the reaſon why any do; their quarrel with them is, that which the Fox in the fable had with the Grapes, they are out of their reach: Women are Creatures without which there is no comfortable Living for man: it is true of them what is wont to be ſaid of Governments, That bad ones are better than none: They are a ſort of Blaſphemers then who diſpiſe and decry them, and call them a neceſſary Evil, for they are a neceſſary Good; ſuch as it was not good that man ſhould be without. Prov. 18.22. Whoſ… findeth a Wif… findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord▪ And they are ſpoken of as the deſire of the eye Ezek. 24.16, 21. It is with a more than Fem… nine impotency, that any declaim againſt th… whole Sex for the infirmity of ſome, and it may be without that cauſe either: they ſhould all remember, that they are Sons of Women, that their Mothers were Women, and that otherwiſe they had never been Men; Yea, that the Lord JESUS CHRIST our Bleſſed Saviour, was born of a Woman, and that Bleſsed was the Womb that bare him and the Paps which gave him ſuck. Luk. 11.27. And that the Apoſtle Paul who was not for the cumbrances that attended a Married Eſtate in times of Perſecution, yet calls Marriage honourable in all. Heb. 13.4. And another Apoſtle, would have honour given unto Women as the weaker veſſels, and as being heirs together of the Grace of Life. 1 Pet. 3.7. Nay the Hebrews err on this extream, while they ſay, There is nothing good but a Woman, and that he who lives without a Wife, remains without good &c. They think hither looks that of Solomon, in Prov. 18.22.
2. This Condemns them who condemn or contemn Marriage; it condemns them who live a Monkiſh life, ſo much in requeſt among the Papiſts; and it condemns that Popiſh conceit of the Excellency of Virginity, as if it were more perfect and compleat than a Married State: whence many among them are devoted to it, as in their Nunneries &c. God was of another mind, It is not good, ſaid God; they are differently minded then it ſeems from their Maker, the All wiſe God; they don't ſay after him, who thus practically ſay, It is good for man to be alone. How Monks who profeſſedly live alone (and thence have their name Monks) will acquit themſelves of being of a different Judgment, in this matter from their Maker, I do not preſently ſee. I remember in Church Hiſtory, I have read of one who immediately upon Marriage, without ever approaching the Nuptial Bed, indented with the Bride, that by mutual conſent they might both live ſuch a life, & according did ſequeſtring themſelves according to the cuſtom of thoſe times, from the reſt of mankind, and afterwards from one another too, in their retired Cells, giving themſelves up to a Contemplative life; and this is recorded as an Inſtance of no little or ordinary Vertue; but I muſt be pardoned in it, if I can account it no other than an affort of blind zeal, for they are the dictates of a blind mind they follow therein, and not of that Holy Spirit, which ſaith, It is not good that man ſhould be alone: Nor can I from the ſame principle be an advocate for ſuch who lead a ſingle Life meerly through Moroſeneſs or Averſation to humane Society, or where there is no ſufficient lett to a double one, and the Maturity of years call for it. Indeed where there is a ſufficient cauſe, there is nothing to be ſaid againſt it, though what is ſo, to be duly conſidered: And though Batchelours as Mr. Fuller ſaith of them in his holy and prophane State, may be the ſtrongeſt Stake in the Hedge of the Common wealth, and the beſt work, and the greateſt merit, for the Publick have ſometimes proceeded from ſuch, while both in affection and means they have Married and Endowed the publick; yet were there no other Stakes in the Hedge, it would ſoon fall to the ground, for when theſe are pluck't up what would uphold the Hedge? They do nothing honeſtly towards the worlds continuance, encreaſing God's Subjects or the Kings; and they come under the Condemnation of that Vulgar Sentence, Naſcitur indignus, per quem non naſcitur alter, that they are unworthy to Live themſelves who are not inſtrumental of giving life to others.
3. They do well who in the ſeaſon of it ſeek a ſuitable Companion, and ſo do they who accept being ſuitably ſought to; both do well: they enter into an Eſtate, wherein there are more hands to labour, more wits to adviſe, more means to comfort one another; and otherwiſe to do good. They both do well, and therefore ſhould not be diſcouraged in it: Parents ſhould not be too hard in giving their conſent, though the Match is not alwayes to their minds, they ſhould remember that they are made in Heaven, and that there is a Secret Providence inclining the Hearts of Perſons in this matter, which they ſhould be wary how they withſtand, leaſt they ſhould do as Sampſons Parents did, who for a while oppoſed his motion of that nature, Not knowing that it was of the Lord. Judg. 14.3, 4▪ Having faithfully and diſcreetly adviſed their Children, they ſhould not too Tyranically impoſe upon them. We know by long Experience that forc'd Matches any way ſeldome do well: the Perſons ſought too ſhould not be too haſty in their rejections, even there where they don't ſee reaſon preſently to accept; nor indeed is it prudence to be too haſty any wayes in that to which deliberation is called for. It is often ſeen in the World, that they who are forward to reject the Marchantable are at laſt glad of he refuſe. They ſhould not be too haſty, I ſay, in rejecting. He that giveth his Virgin in Marriage, ſaith the Apoſtle, doth well. 1 Cor. 7.38. And ſo doth She who gives her ſelf with her Parents leave; and though he adds, but he that giveth her not in Marriage doth better, he only means in ſome reſpects, and at the preſent juncture, as he ſaid before for the preſent diſtreſs, and to avoid trouble, as he ſaith, verſe 28. If a Virgin marry ſhe hath not ſinned, nevertheleſs ſuch ſhall have trouble in the fleſh, and that ſo ſhe might have liberty for things of a Spiritual nature, verſe 34. But in other reſpects and according to the common order appointed by God, ſhe doth well. They have done well both in ſeeking and accepting, who are the Occaſion of our Aſſembling here at this time; and it is with great Approbation, I ſuppoſe, on all hands that we meet to Celebrate it publickly: That they may go on to do well, let it be our united Prayers.
4. Let not them who are not alone, but united in Wedlock, be as if they were alone; though in ſome reſpects I grant they ſhould be ſo, and that according to Apoſtolical precept; they that have Wives, ſhould be as if they had none. 1 Cor. 7.27. i. e. in reſpect of their minding Spiritual and Heavenly things: but let them not be as if they were alone in reſpect of their duty to each other; let not the Husband be ſo in neglecting the duty of the Husband, nor the Wife in neglecting the duty of the Wife: let not the Wife be ſo by the Husbands neglect, nor the Husband by the Wives: let them not be unſociable after they have Covenanted and Vowed a conſortſhip, and ſolemnly plighted their Troth to each other: better be alone in reality than live ſo, or as if they were ſo, after they are wedded. I here add, let their Company with each other, be better than their being alone: Solitarineſs is better than ſome Company: Yoke-fellows ſhould endeavour to endear one another by their mutual ſweet Society. A Miniſter by vertue of his Calling indeed is to be much alone, if he is ſo in his Study, he ſhould not be ſo when he comes out of it too; and he ſhould alwayes find that of his Companion to be inſtar Omnium, in the room of and beyond all other. To theſe who are now to be put together, I pray they may never be alone more but when occaſionally aſunder, they may yet be preſent with each other in Spirit and Effigie, that God may be alwayes graciouſly preſent with them both, and that they may draw out the thread of their lives with an equal extent here, and inherit life eternal together in the other world. It is not good that the man ſhould be alone. We come now in the Second place to the reſolution hereupon. I will make him an help meet for him: which doth reſolve us in what God did, that he did make ſuch an help; and in that as an Obſervation.
Obſer. That God did make the Woman to be an help for the man. So did Adam call the perſon God brought to him, to be a meet help: context verſe 23. I ſhall ſpeak to this in a very few words, as few as it can be ſhown in: in what reſpect the Woman is an help meet for the man, and hint the uſe that is to be made of it.
The Woman is or ſhould be an help meet for the man in theſe following reſpects. Scil.
As She anſwers natural, oeconomical and Theological ends; and how ſhe doth each, I ſhall ſhow preſently: but I muſt firſt take notice, that the word here rendred Meet, is in the Original, As before him. Jerom reads it, Lake to him: the Seventy, According to him: as before him. i. e. In his Image of his own kind, like to him, which ſhould be as it were, a Second ſelf, Graceful in his eyes; grateful to him, alwayes as it were in his ſight, and aſſiſtant in the work of his life; lifting as it were over againſt him, as the word is rendred, over against him. Joſh. 5.13. So that it iſſues in what it is here rendred, Meet for him. Brutes are an help to man for many ends, whence they are called Jumenta, but they are not a meet help in this ſence; they don't agree with him ſpecie, they be not aſſociated with him. &c. The woman is made to be and is a meet help to man.
1. As She anſwers natural ends, and ſo is,
1. A moſt ſweet and intimate companion, and an entire friend; there is no ſtricter or ſweeter friendſhip than conjugal; as it was the firſt in the world, ſo it is moſt natural.
2. Is helpful in the propagating of mankind. Ruth 4.11. She helps build up the Houſe.
2. As She anſwers oeconomical ends, and ſo is aſſiſtant in Family affairs, in the Government of the Houſe, ordering things within doors, eſpecially (for the houſe is her Center) and ſhe ſhould be an help as before him, ſhould be a keeper at home. Tit. 2.5. Not a raſh wrambler abroad: the Shell-fiſh is an Hierogliphick hereof, which carries her houſe on her head: like which therefore the painter drew Venus. The woman ſhould keep at home, Educating of her Children. Prov. 1.8, 9. 1 Tim. 5.14. Keeping and improving what is got by the induſtry of the man. The wiſe man finds a glaſs wherein good Wives may ſee themſelves. Prov. 31.
3. As She anſwers Theological or Divine ends.
1. And ſo is an aſſiſtant to him in his Piety, and Honeſty, a promoter of that; the Apoſtle ſuppoſeth them Praying, yea & Fasting together. 1 Cor. 7.5. 1 Pet. 3.7. So the man and woman, as one ſaith, are a Domeſtick Church. Indeed Julian the Apoſtate, Scoft at the Womans being a meet help in this reſpect, in that ſhe was the perſon that drew man into Sin, that ſeduced him: It is true, She being ſeduc'd her ſelf, ſeduced him; but it doth not follow, but that She was given for another end, and often attains it, and the miſſing it then ſhould make Women the more wary for the future: And though the Apoſtle doth ſuppoſe them in a Married Eſtate, more involved in the cares of this life. 1 Cor. 7.32, 33, 34. Yet he ſuppoſeth them likewiſe helpers forward of each other in Faith & Love. verſe 16. & 1 Pet. 3.1, 2.
2. So an helper of his Infirmity, a remedy of unlawful Love; to avoid Fornication, ſaith the Apoſtle, Let every man have his own wife, &c. 1 Cor. 7.2. So that Satan tempt not for incontinency, verſe 5. The woman is a meet help as ſhe anſwers theſe ends.
USE. Did God make her for this end? Hence firſt man needed her, and therefore now ſhould not deſpiſe her.
2. She was made for man, and therefore ſhould not deſpiſe but honour him, and yield Subjection to him as her Head; the Apoſtle infers this from her being made for man out of man, after man, and yet falling before him. 1 Cor. 11.8, 9. 1 Tim. 2.12, 13, 14
3. Hence of the more publick Service the man is, the greater helper is the woman called▪ to be, that becomes his Wife; And the more Service ſhe doth to God and her Generation, while ſhe doth the duty of her place, and is the more happy therein; a good encouragement to Marry good Miniſters, though they ſhould live but poorly, and not have their reward in this Life.
4. Hence they who be not meet helps, do not anſwer their end; they who are an affliction and ſcourge to man, pervert the Order of God, and nature, and of ſuch an one (ſaith Chryſoſtome) adjutorium Diaboli non viri
5. Hence man is to uſe her as a meet help, as a companion, not as a Servant, and ſhould again be an help, and an head to her. Eph. 5.28.
6. Hence men may ſee what Yoke fellows they are to chooſe, and what help to expect from them, and they who want may be encouraged for to ſeek: Si qua voles apte nubere nub… pari, every good man won't ſuit every good woman, et e contra.
7. Let the woman be what ſhe was made for, a meet help, not an unmeet hindrance; that is the deſcription given of the woman in the Text, God might have ſaid, I will make a woman, or a wife, but he rather choſe this Periphraſis expreſſive of her Character, ſhowing what ſhe ſhould be to her Husband. And this is the bleſſing that I wiſh to the Bride, who now appears here, that ſhe may every way anſwer this Character: And to you Sir, who are now ſeeking a Title, or rather the Confirmation of your Title in ſuch an one, that you may experience according to your deſires and expectation, and may acknowledge God in his Love hath brought her to you. I ſhall Commend you further to his Bleſſing, when that Office is done you, for which you are now come hither.
Tibi Domine.
End of the text · John Cotton, A Meet Help (1699)