A Precious Mithridate for the Soul, Chapter 2
Chap. 2.
Now, as this Mercileſs Miſer is all for ſparing, ſo his Heir is all for waſting: He lives poorly and penuriouſly all his life, that he may die rich, Pſal. 39.6. And what comes of it? As he hath reapt that which another ſowed, ſo another ſhall thraſh that which he hath reaped. He hords up, not knowing who ſhall enjoy it; and commonly they enjoy it who lay it out as faſt. He takes only the bitter, and leaves the ſweet for others, perhaps thoſe that wiſh him hanged, upon condition they had his means the ſooner.
Or poſſible it is he may have children; which if he have, he loves them ſo much better then himſelf, that he will voluntarily be miſerable here and hereafter, that they may be happy. He is willing to go in a thred-bare coat, to ſtarve his body, loſe his credit, wound his conſcience, torment his heart and minde with fears and cares; yea he can finde in his heart to damne his own ſoul and go to hell, that he may raiſe his houſe, and leave his heir a great eſtate, as thinking his houſe and habitation ſhall continue for ever, even from generation to generation, and call their lands by his name, as the Pſalmiſt ſhews, Pſalm 49.11. He is careful to provide his children portions, while he provides no portion of comfort for his own welfare, either here or hereafter. He provides for his childrens bodies, not for their ſouls, to ſhew that he begat not their ſouls but their bodies, He leaves a fair eſtate for the worſer part, nothing for the eſtate of the better part. He deſires to leave his children great rather then good, and is more ambitious to have his ſons Lords on earth, then Kings in heaven. But as he that provides not for their temporal eſtate, is worſe then an Infidel, 1 Tim. 5.8. So he that provides not for their eternal eſtate, is little better then a devil, which yet is the caſe of nine parts of the parents throughout the Land.
But obſerve how his children requite him again, and how God requites him in his children; for commonly they are ſuch, as never give him thanks nor in the leaſt lament his Loſs; perhaps they mourn at his funeral, yet not for that he is dead, but becauſe he died no ſooner. Nor is it any rare thing for men to mourn for him dead, whom they would by no means have ſtill to be alive. Yea for the moſt part, it is but a faſhionable ſorrow, which the ſon makes ſhew of at his fathers death; as having many a day wiſht for that hour. A ſorrow in ſhew onelyonly, like that of Jacobs ſons when they had ſold their brother Joſeph, who profeſt a great deal of greif for his loſs, when inwardly they rejoyced. Have ye not heard of a prodigal young heir? that incouraged his companions, with, come let us drink, revel, throw the houſe out at windows; the man in Scarlet will pay for all; meaning his father who was a Judge, but he adjudged the patrimony from him to one of his younger ſons more obedient; And good reaſon he had for it, for to give riches to the riotous, is all one as to pour precious liquor into a Seeve, that will hold no liquid ſubſtance; which occaſioned the Rhodians, and Lydians, to enact ſeveral laws; that thoſe ſons which followed not their fathers in their vertues, but lived viciouſly, ſhould be diſinherited, and their lands given to the moſt verteous of that race, not admiting any impious heir whatſoever to inherit, as Varro well notes. But it is otherwiſe in this caſe, for (in regard of Gods curſe upon this unmerciful Muckworm) if he have more ſons then one, the eldeſt proves a prodigal, and he inherits.
Every mans own experience can tell him, that for the moſt part a ſcatterer ſucceeds a gatherer, one that waſts vertues faſter then riches, and riches faſter then any vertues can get them; one that is as exceſſive in ſpending, as the other was in ſcraping; for as the father chooſeth to fill his cheſts, ſo the ſon is given to ſatisfie his luſts. Nor could the one be more cunning at the rake, then the other will be at the pitchfork. The moneys which were formerly cheſted like caged Birds, will wing it merrily when the young heir ſets them flying. And as Cicero ſpeaks, he riotouſly ſpends that which the father had as wickedly gotten. The one would have all to keep, the other will keep nothing at all; the former gets and ſpends not, the latter ſpends and gets not. Yea the ſon being as greedy of expence, as the father was in ſcraping; he teddeth that with a fork in one year, which was not gathered with a rake in twenty. Yea how oft is that ſpent upon one Chriſtmas revelling by the ſon, which was fourty years a getting by ehe Father? Which Diogenes well conſidered, for whereas he would ask of a frugal Citizen but a penny, of a Prodigal he would beg a talent, and when the party asked him what he meant, to deſire ſo much of him and ſo little of others, his anſwer ſhould be, Quoniam tu habes, ille habebunt; becauſe thou haſt, and they will have. I ſhall beg of thee but once, thy eſtate will ſo ſoon vaniſh, of them often: yea give me now a talent, I may live to give thee a groat. And at another time; hearing that the houſe of a certain Prodigall was offered to ſale, he ſaid, I knew well that houſe was ſo accuſtomed to ſurfeiting, and drunkenneſs, that ere long it would ſpue out the Maſter.
Nay in all likelihood he foreſees it himſelf; and therefore as he makes ſhort work with his eſtate, ſo not long with his life, as knowing, that if he ſhould live long, he muſt be a begger.
As ſeldom but he ſhortens his days ſome way; for he gives himſelf to all manner of vice, gluttony and drunkenneſſe, chambering and wantonneſs, pride, riot, contention, &c. He even baniſhes civility, and gives himſelf over to ſenſuality; and ſuch a life ſeldom laſts long.
They may rightly be called ſpend-alls, for they not onelyonly ſpend all they have, but themſelves alſo; in ſtead of quenching their thirſts, they drown both their bodies, ſouls and eſtates in Drink. They will call, Drawer give us an Ocean, and then leave their wits rather then the wine behinde them. One cryes to his fellow, Do me reaſon; but the drink anſwers, I will leave thee no reaſon, no not ſo much as a beaſt hath; for theſe Nabols cannot abound, but they muſt be drunk ſurfet. They have not onelyonly caſt off Religion that ſhould make them good men; but even reaſon that ſhould make them men; And ſaving only on the Sea, they live without all compaſs; as a ſhip on the water, ſo they on the land reel too and fro, and ſtagger like a drunken man, Pſal. 107.27.
All their felicity is in Tavern, or brothell houſe, where harlots and ſicophants riflle their eſtates, and then ſend them to robbe, or teach them how to cheat or borrow, which is all one, for to pay they never mean, and prodigality drives them to repair their too great laviſhneſſe in one thing, by too great covetouſneſſe and injuſtice in another. The greateſt miſpenders for the moſt part are conſtrained to be as great miſgetters, that they may feed one vice with another.
Now as if they had been bred among Bears, they know no other dialect then roaring, ſwearing and banning. It is the tongue or language of hell they ſpeak; as men learn before hand the language of that Country whether they mean to travel.
By wine and ſurfeting they pour out their whole eſtates into their bellies. The father went to the devil one way, and the ſon will follow him another; and becauſe he hath choſen the ſmoother way, he makes the more haſt. The one ſo loved Money, that he could not afford himſelf good Drink: the other ſo loves good Drink, that he ſcornes Money. The Father cannot finde in his heart to put a good morſel into his belly, but lives on roots, that his prodigal heir may feed on Pheſants; he drinks water, that his ſon may drink wine, and that to drunkenneſs. The one dares not eat an egge, leſt he ſhould loſe a chicken, and goes to hell with whay and carrots, the other follows after with Canary, Partridges, and Potatoes.
Theſe are Epecures indeed, placing Paradiſe in their throats, and heaven in their guts; their ſhrine is their Kitchin, their Prieſt is their Cook, the Altar is their table, and their belly is their God. By wine and furfeit ng, they pour out their whole eſtates into their bellies; yet nevertheleſs complain againſt nature for making their necks ſo ſhort.
Ariſtippus gave to the value of ſixteen ſhillings for a Patridge; his clowniſh neighbour told him, he held it too dear at two pence. Why, quoth Ariſtippus, I eſteem leſs of a pound, then thou doſt of a penny: the ſame in effect ſayes the prodigal ſon, to his penurious father; for how elſe could he ſo ſoon bring a noble to nine pence, an inheritance of a thouſand pounds per annum, to an anunity of five hundred ſhillings? beſides. the one obtains a thouſand pounds with more eaſe, then the other did a thouſand pence; and by how much the leſs he eſteems of money, by ſo much the more noble and better man he eſteems himſelf, and his father the more baſe; and hereupon he ſcorns any calling, and muſt go apparelled like a Prince.
God hath inacted it as a perpetual law, In the ſweat of thy Face (be it brow or brain) ſhalt thou eat bread, till thou return to the earth, Gen. 3.19. And for the beſt Gentleman to diſpiſe honeſt callings (mental or manual) is a pride without wit or grace. Even gallant Abſalom was a great ſheep-maſter: the bravery and magnificence of a Courtier, muſt be built upon the ground of frugality. Beſides, exerciſe is not more wholſome for the body, then it is for the minde and ſoul; but this vain glorious Coxcombe is all for ſports and pleaſure, and ſeldom ceaſes hunting after ſports (as Eſau for veniſon) until he hath loſt the Bleſſing. But he ſhould (O that he would) conſider, that medicines are no meat to live by.
Then for his pride in apparel, you may know that by this; he is like the Cinamon tree, whoſe barke is of more worth then his body; or like the Eſtridge or Bird of Paradiſe, whoſe feathers are more worth then her fleſh: Or ſome Vermine, whoſe caſe is better then het carcaſs. And yet this ſwells him ſo, and makes him look as big, as if the river of his blood could not be bancked within the channel of his veins; and ſhift his attire he muſt, like the Iſlanders of Foolianna the ſicle; or that King of Mexico, who was wont to change his cloths four times a day, and never wear them again, imploying his leavings and caſt ſuits, for his continual liberalities and rewards, and who would alſo have neither pot nor diſh, nor any implement in his Kitchin, or on his Table, be brought twice before him.
Indeed he cannot ſhift himſelf out of the Mercers books, until he hath ſold the other Farm or Lordſhip; perhaps a dinner or ſupper at ſome Tavern, may coſt him ten pounds or more; for he muſt pay the whole reckoning, that he may be counted the beſt man. Yea when the ſhot comes to be paid, for any man to draw in his company, is a juſt quarrel, and uſe hath made it unpleaſant to him not to spend, and yet bare head in the ſtreets, does him more good, then a meals meat. He hath the Wolfe of vaine glory, and that he feeds untill himſelf becomes the food. Nor can it be long, firſt, for an exceſſive and ſucceſſive impairing, alwayes importeth a final diſſolution. Nor hath he ever the wit to think upon ſparing, till he comes to the bottom of the purſe, reſembling Plautus that famous comical Poet, born in Umbria, who having ſpent all he had on plaiers apparel, was forced for his living, to ſerve a Baker in turning a hand mill. Like an hour-glaſs turned up, he never leaves running till all be out; He never looks to the bottom of his patrimony, till it be quite unravelled; and then (too late) complains that the ſtock of his wealth ran coarſe at the fag end.
His father had too good an opinion of the world, and he too much diſdaines it: onelyonly herein he ſpeeds (as he thinks) a little the better, for that thoſe who barked at hit father like curs, faune upon him, and lick his hand like Spaniels. Yea the Prodigalls caſe is herein better then the Miſers, for the Prodigal ſhall only have nothing hereafter; but the Covetous man, hath nothing here nor hereafter. He beſtows upon his inferiors liberal gifts, thinking it good gain to receive for it good words, and your Worſhip. Thus by the frequent uſe of ſubſtracting pounds out of hundreds, ſhillings out of pounds, and pence out of ſhillings, the end of his account proves all Cyphers.
Idleneſs is the Coach that brings, a man to Needam; prodigality the poſt-horſe. His fathter was no mans friend but his own, and (ſayes the proverb) is no mans foe elſe; be he never ſo old, he never attains to the yeers of diſcretion; And in caſe providence do not take him ward, his heirs ſhall never be ſought after. His Veſſel hath three leaks, a laſcivious eye, a gaming hand, a deified belly; and to content theſe, he can neither rule his heart, his tongue, nor his purſe. He never proves his own man, till he hath no other, and then perhaps when want, or good counſel, or time hath made him ſee as much as his father did, at laſt he ſues for a Room in an Almeſhouſe, that his father built; elſe when he feels want (for till then he never ſees it) he complains of greatneſs for ingratitude; that he was not thought of when promotions were a dealing. Yet ſeeing there is ho remedy but patience, when his laſt Acre lies in his purſe, he projects ſtrange things, and builds houſes in the aire, having ſold thoſe on the ground. Not that he is a man of parts, for he is onelyonly witty to wrong and undoe himſelf; Eaſe, ſaith, Solomon, ſlayeth the fooliſh, and the proſperity of fools de ſtroyeth them, Prov. 1.31.