The Great Assizes, Poem – Order to print

The Great Assizes · Poem – Order to print

p. 1LEarn'd Scaliger, the ſecond of the twaine,

Second to none in Arts, did late complaine

To wiſe Apollo, of ſome ſtrange abuſes,

Committed againſt him and the Nine Muſes

For Scaliger had beene Grave Cenſour long,

In Learnings Commonwealth, and liv'd among

The people of Parnaſſus, in ſuch fame,

That all the world tooke notice of his name:

Himſelfe hee humbly to his Lord addreſt,

And in the theſe termes, his inward thoughts expreſt.

(Dread Prince) to whoſe benevolous aſpect

Wee owe our Arts, and Hearts, with all reſpect

Which may bee due unto a Soveraigne Lord,

Who rules by Love, and Law, not by the Sword,

I, whom your Majeſty daign'd to create

Cenſour of manners, in the Learned State,

Obliged by the dutie of my place,

Humbly preſume to importune your Grace,

Unto my votes to adde your royall will,

For a redreſſe of ſome abuſes ill.

p. 2Needs muſt wee thoſe advantages confeſſe,

Which wee reape from the literary Preſſe,

A priviledge which our forefathers wanted,

Although to us Heaven it benignely granted:

This engine of the Muſes doth diſperſe

Arts beſt achievements, both in Proſe and Verſe:

It vents with eaſe, labours of learned braines,

And doth the hand quit from a world of paines:

Thoſe Wonders, of which elder ages boaſt,

Had almoſt all forgotten been, and loſt,

If this Eighth Wonder had not been contriv'd,

Whereby the other ſeven have been reviv'd.

Your Grace well knowes (I need not to relate)

How Typographie doth concerne your ſtate,

Which ſome pernicious heads have ſo abus'd,

That many with it never had been us'd:

This inſtrument of Art, is now poſſeſt

By ſome, who have in Art no intereſt

For it is now imploy'd by Paper-waſters,

By mercenary ſoules, and Poëtaſters,

Who weekly utter, ſlanders, libells, lies,

Under the name of ſpecious novelties:

Thus Capaine Raſhingham's undone, and loſt,

For theſe his trade and cuſtome have engroſt:

p. 3And Hee, (for to maintaine an honeſt port)

Is forc'd t'accept an office in your Court;

Hee in your Graces kitchin plucks the Widgeons,

Geeſe, Dotterells, and Duckes, and all tame Pidgeons,

And for his labour hee their plums retaines,

Wages, that ſute his perſon, and his paines;

But let not your High Majeſty miſtake,

And thinke that my complaint is for his ſake:

If this abuſe touch'd onelyonly ſuch as hee,

It were no grievance, but a remedy:

For Truth, and Morall Vertues injur'd are;

The Muſes, and the Graces beare a ſhare,

In theſe notorious wrongs, with all that love

Parnaſſus, or the Heliconian Grove:

Therefore (Great Prince) vouchſafe for to apply

Your Soveraigne power, and authority,

To vindicate your ſubjects, and to curbe

Theſe Varlets, that your government diſturbe.

Thus ſpake the Cenſour, then Apollo ſhook

His harniſh'd lockes, and with a frowning look,

Declar'd his diſcontent; but having paus'd,

Hee thus reply'd: Grave Cenſour I'm amaz'd,

To heare the impudent affronts of theſe

That thus contemne our Lawes, and our decrees,

p. 4But (by this golden Scepter) they ſhall try

What 'tis to treſpaſſe on our lenity:

If our remiſneſſe hath made them tranſgreſſe,

They ſhall perceive that wee can make it leſſe,

In their ſharpe puniſhment. Thus Phoebus ends,

And then Hee for Torquato Taſſo ſends;

Under whoſe charge ſome Companies were liſted

Of that ſtout Gend'army, which conſiſted

Of Heroick Poets, whoſe high valour was,

No meane defenſe, but a magnifick grace

Unto the Sacred Hill: this Regiment,

On ſummons ſhort, was ever ready bent

To execute Apollo's juſt commands,

With hearts couragious, and with armed hands.

Stout Taſſo did in ſturdy buffe appeare,

And after reverence done, deſir'd to heare

His Graces pleaſure; who ſoone gave him orders,

With all his Cavalry, to ſcoure the borders

Of high Parnaſſus, and low Helicon,

And to bring in alive, or dead, each one

That had diſcovered been, or to defile

The Preſſe with Pamphlets ſcarrilous, and vile,

Or to have traduc'd with malignant ſpirits,

Perſons of honorable worth, and merits.

p. 5Taſſo departs with theſe inſtructions,

And muſter'd up his witty Myrmidons:

The trumpet to the ſtirrop gives a call:

They buſtle to their armes, and mounted all,

Haſte to their Rendezvous without delay,

And put in ranke, and file, they march away:

For Taſſo no advantage did decline,

To proſecute the better his deſigne;

Hee into ſquadrons three his Troops diſſects,

And unto ſeverall quarters them directs,

That traverſing the countrey round about,

They might the ſooner find theſe foxes out;

In each ſuſpicious angle Taſſo ſeekes,

And in this inquiſition ſpent ſome weekes:

Nor did his other parties with neglect

Performe what they injoyn'd were to effect;

The limits of Parnaſſus they ſurround,

And Helicon, with verdant Laurells crown'd:

Mount Pindus, and thoſe valleys ever greene

Where pale Pyrene, and pure Hippecrene

In liquid cryſtall riſe, they ſearch'd throughout;

Nor was the Vale of Tempe left unſought:

Nor did their labours miſſe ſucceſſe deſir'd:

For they, before a monethmonth was full expir'd,

p. 6Had clear'd the coaſts, and many pris'ners gain'd;

Which malefactors they in chaines detain'd,

And them convey'd unto Apolloes Court,

Who welcom'd Taſſo in moſt gratious ſort:

And for his faithfull ſervice, him hee made

Lieutenant General of that proud Brigade

Of the Italian Poets: This reward

Made elder Dame, and Petrarch to regard

His dignitie with ill affected eyes:

And Arioſto diſcontent likewiſe:

But Phoebus did brave Taſſo's merit weigh

By reaſon, but in ſcales of paſſion they;

And when hee did perceive that they did fret,

To ſee themſelves behind their Junior ſet,

Hee them aſſur'd they muſt expect t'inherit

Parnaſſus honours not by time, but merit.

But when Apollo with his radiant looke

The Prisners had into amazement ſtrooke,

Hee cauſ'd thoſe guiltie ſoules to bee convey'd

To the Trophonian denne, there to bee laid

In Irons cold, untill they ſhould bee brought

To tryall for thoſe miſchiefs they had wrought.

Apollo then a ſolemne ſummons ſent

To all thoſe honour'd Peers that did frequent

p. 7The Learned Hill, and ſtrictly them injoyn'd,

Him to attend, upon a day aſſign'd:

For in a full Aſsiſe hee did intend

The crimes of theſe delinquents to perpend:

His loyall Nobles fail'd not, to reſort

(Without delay) unto their Soveraignes Court,

And on the day, which was for judgement ſet,

They all in the Praetorian hall were met:

Where Phoebus, on his high tribunall ſate,

With his Aſſeſſours, in triumphant ſtate;

Sage Verulam ſublim'd for ſcience great,

As Chancellour, next him had the firſt ſeat:

And next to him, Budeus did appear,

Hee of Parnaſſus was High Treaſurer:

Sidney tooke place upon the other ſide,

Who th' office of High Conſtable ſupply'd:

But Picus of Mirandula, (who was

High Chamberlaine) aſſumed the fourth place;

The elder Scaliger his place then tooke

Before Eraſmus, who ſhew'd in his looke

Diſtaſte, for hee (like Pompey) tooke diſpleaſure

To ſee himſelfe put downer by Julius Ceſar.

In cuerpo then did Juſtus Lipſius ſit,

Who more devotion had expreſt then wit,

p. 8When to an Image hee bequeath'd his gown;

But had hee not been for a Turnecoate known,

His offer'd garment might have found eſteeme,

Which fitter for a Frippery did ſeeme,

Then for her uſe, to whom it was preſented.

Next him ſate Barclay, ſomewhat diſcontented,

'Cauſe hee had fail'd in finding that reſpect,

Which hee from Romes Archflamen did expect.

Bodine, Turnebus, Caſaubon, and Grotius,

Maſcardus, Heinſius, Selden, Voſsius,

Approved Criticks all, did there appeare

On the judiciall Bench with lookes ſevere.

But when old Camden thought to take his place,

Apollo him repuls'd with ſome diſgrace:

For hee of late receiv'd had a complaint

From hands of credit, which did him attaint

Of miſdemeanours, acted in a ſtory,

That did detract from a Great Ladies glory,

Wherein hee was accus'd to have reveal'd

Somethings, which better might have been conceal'd

Had they been truths: What madneſſe him miſled,

T aſperſe the aſhes of that Phoenix dead,

With notes of infamy, whoſe fun'rall flame

Raviſh'd the world with th'odour of her fame?

p. 9Doubtleſſe the living hee to flatter knew,

Much better then to give the dead her due.

(The Court ſet) the ſturdy Keeper then

Of the unhoſpitall Trophonian Den,

His trembling Pris'ners brought unto the barre;

For ſterne aſpect, with Mars hee might compare,

But by his belly, and his double chinne,

Hee look'd like the old Hoſte of a New Inne.

Thus when ſowre Ben his fetter'd cattell had

Shut up together in the pinfold ſad:

John Taylour, then the Courts ſhrill Chanticleere,

Did ſummon all the Jurours to appeare:

Hee had the Cryers place: an office fit,

For him that hath a better voyce, then wit.

Hee, who was called firſt in all the Liſt,

George Withers hight, entitled Satyriſt;

The Cary, May, and Davenant were call'd forth;

Renowned Poets all, and men of worth,

If wit may paſſe for worth. Then Sylveſter,

Sands, Drayton, Beaumont, Fletcher, Maſsinger,

Shakeſpeare, and Heywood, Poets good and free;

Dramatick writers all, but the firſt three:

Theſe were empanell'd all, and being ſworne

A juſt and perfect verdict to returne,

p. 10A Malefactour then receiv'd command,

Before the Barre to elevate his hand;

Mercurius Britanicus by name,

Was hee, who firſt was call'd to play his game:

Then Edmund Spenſer Clarke of the Aſſiſe,

Read the Endictment loud, which did compriſe

Matters of ſcandall, and contempt extreme,

Done 'gainſt the Dignitie, and Diademe

Of great Apollo, and that legall courſe,

Which throughout all parnaſſus was in force.

For uſe of Mercury hee was accuſ'd,

Which weekely hee into his inke infuſ'd,

Thereby to murther, and deſtroy the fame

Of many, with ſtrange obloquie, and ſhame.

Hee likewiſe was accuſ'd, to have purloin'd

Some drachmes of wit, with a felonious mind,

From Helicon, which hee in Satyrs mixt,

To make ſome laugh, and others deepely vext.

Unto his charge they likewiſe did object,

That when hee ſaw his lines could not effect

His ends, and aymes, which were his foe to kill,

Or elſe to make him torow away his quill;

That then hee ſought by magick Arts to call

Archilochus his ghoſt from Pluto's hall,

p. 11To teach him how ſuch language to indite,

As might make ſome even hang themſelves for ſpite.

This was his charge in brief; (which being read)

To his indictment he was call'd to plead:

Not guilty, he replies, and did ſubmit

Himſelfe to the integrity and wit

Of twelve ſufficient Poets, but entreated,

To heare the Jurours names againe repeated:

(Which done) hee on exceptions did inſiſt,

Aſſerted againſt divers of the liſt.

On confident George Withers firſt hee fix'd,

As one unfit with others to bee mix'd

In his arraignment, for he did proteſt,

That Withers was a cruell Satyriſt;

And guilty of the ſame offence and crime,

Whereof hee was accuſed at this time:

Therefore for him hee thought it fitter farre,

To ſtand as a Delinquent at the barre,

Then to bee now empanell'd in a Jury.

George Withers then, with a Poetick fury,

Began to bluſter, but Apollo's frowne

Mde him forbeare, and lay his choler downe.

But Phoebus, thus Britanicus corrects,

Our Majeſty (ſaid hee) which ſtill protects

p. 12The innocent, but doth offend ours ſcourge,

Ingag'd is honeſt Withers for to purge

From this offence: for his impartiall pen

Did rather groſſe abuſes taxe, then men:

Or that hee did tranſgreſſe, let us admit;

Since long agoe, hee ſmarted for his wit.

Nor was Britanicus with this abaſh'd,

For with his cavils hee ſought to have daſh'd

Two other able Jurours, and theſe were

Deſerving Sands and gentle Sylveſter:

To theſe opprobious language hee affords,

And them Tranſlators call'd, and men of words,

No Poets, but meer Rhymers, for (ſaid hee)

Invention is the ſoule of poefie,

And who can ſay, that ſuch a ſoule as this,

Is to bee found in their abilities?

For theſe are bondmen to anothers ſtile,

And when they have beſtow'd much time, and toile,

They doe but what, before, was better done;

For Poemes loſe by their tranſlation,

And are deprived of that Iuſtre brave,

Which their originalls are wont to have:

Yea all the workes of theſe Tranſlators vaine,

Are rather labours of the hand, then braine:

p. 13Their aſinine endeavours have effected,

That nobler tongues and arts are now neglected;

While they in vulgar language repreſent

Thoſe notions which from vulgar wits diſſent:

This knot of Knaves the Common-wealth afflicts

Of your Parnaſsus with their jugling tricks;

For Rubies which in gold at firſt were ſet,

They into copper put, whereby they cheat

The ſimpler ſort, that want a piercing eye,

The difference of metals to deſcry.

Thus ſpake Britanicus: while many ſmil'd;

But Sands look's pale, and Sylveſter wax'd wild

For anger and diſdaine; Apollo then

Thus interpos'd, to vindicate theſe men,

Britanicus (ſaid hee) we have too long

The language heard of thy traducing tongue,

But Sylueſsers, and Sands his worth is ſuch,

That thy reproach cannot their honour touch:

Since Kings for Majeſty, and arts renown'd,

Have with receptions kind, their labours crown'd.

Beſides, wee are inclin'd by ſome reſpects,

Challeng'd from us, by the infirmer ſex,

Theſe writers of Parnaſſus to ſupport,

To pleaſe the fancy of that female ſort,

p. 14Whom want of theſe tranſlations might ſpurre on,

For to acquire, and get more tongues then one:

Which if they ſhould accompliſh, men might rue

Thoſe miſchiefes which would thereupon enſue.

But if nor Sands, nor Sylveſter can merit,

The titles of true Poets to inherit,

For what they have perform'd, yet wee relie

So much upon their truth, and loyaltie,

That wee cauſe them to paſſe upon thy tryall,

If ſpite of thy exception or denyall.

Thus ſpake Apollo: then the Pris'ner was

Injoyn'd to ſtand aſide, and in his place

Did Aulicus ſucceed, who by command,

In humble ſort uprear'd his guilty hand:

Full ſadly his indictment he attends,

Which him impeach'd, that hee for wicked ends

Had the Caſt alian Spring defil'd with gall;

And chang'd by witchcraft, moſt Satyricall,

The bayes of Helicon, and myrtles mild,

To pricking hauthornes, and to hollyes wild.

Hee was accus'd, that he with ſlanders falſe,

With forged fictions, calumnies and tales,

Had ſought the Spartane Ephori to ſhame,

And added fewell to the direfull flame

p. 15Of civill diſcord, and domeſticke blowes,

By the incentives of malicious proſe.

For whereas, hee ſhould have compos'd his inke

Of liquours, that make flames expire, and ſhrinke

Into their cinders, it was there objected,

That hee had his of burning oile confected,

Of Naphtha, Gunpowder, Pitch, and Saltpeter,

Which thoſe combuſtions raiſed, and made greater.

Hee was accus'd to have unjuſtly ſtung

The ſage Amphictyons with his venom'd tongue;

And that he like the fierce Albanian curre,

Did ſtubbornly chooſe rather to demurre,

And bee diſmembred by anothers wit,

Then looſe his teeth from thoſe, whom firſt hee bit.

Hee was accus'd, that he had us'd his skill,

Parnaſſus with ſtrange here fies to fill,

And that he labour'd had for to bring in,

Th' exploded doctrines of the Florentine,

And taught that to diſſemble and to lie,

Were vitall parts of humane policie:

Of his endictment this was the full ſenſe:

To which the Pris'ner pleades his innocence,

And puts himſelf upon a legall tryall,

But he withall exhibites a denyall

p. 16Againſt a Jurour, for his ſuit it was,

That May on his arraignment might not paſſe:

For though a Poet hee muſt him confeſſe,

Becauſe his writings did atteſt no leſſe;

Yet hee deſir'd hee might be ſet aſide,

Becauſe hee durſt not in his truth confide:

Of May among twelve moneths he well approv'd,

But May among Twelve men hee never lov'd:

For hee beleev'd that out of private ſpite

Hee would his conſcience ſtraine, t'undoe him quite.

Hee likewiſe of offences him accus'd,

Whereby his King Apollo was abus'd:

And with malicious arguments attempts

To prove him guilty of ſublime contempts,

But chiefly he indeavour'd to conclude,

That hee was guilty of ingratitude:

Which crime Parnaſſus Lawes doe ſo oppoſe,

As in that State, it for high Treaſon goes.

Then May ſtept forth, and firſt implor'd the grace

And leave of Phoebus to maintaine his caſe:

Then to the Learned Cunſiſtory ſues,

That they would him or cenſure, or excuſe:

Then calls the Gods, and all whom they protect,

The Starres, and all on whom they doe reflect,

p. 17The Elements, and what's compos'd of theſe,

Him to acquit from all diſloyalties.

If by juſt proofes (ſaid hee) thou canſt evince,

That I have beene ungratefull to my Prince,

Then let mee from theſe groves bee now exil'd

To Scythian ſnowes, or into deſerts wild;

Yea, I invoke the Gods that I may feele

The Gyants valour, or Ixions wheele,

If it bee found I have tranſgreſſed thus,

As 'tis inform'd by lying Aulicus.

Apollo then darts forth an awfull ray

From his impiercing eye, which ſilenc'd May.

So Kings (if they bee juſt) may rule like Gods,

And be obſerved by their lookes, and nods.

Hee Aulicus rebuk'd, becauſe hee knew

His accuſation from meere malice grew:

And him advis'd in peace to ſtand a ſide,

If hee deſir'd with favour to be try'd.

The Cryer then did ſummon to the Bar,

The Penman of the Weekely Calendar,

Entituled the new Ephemerides,

Perfect Diurnalls call them, if you pleaſe;

But their perfection cannot mee invite,

To thinke they merit ſuch an Epethite,

p. 18Except truths now for imperfections paſſe,

And gold in eſtination yeelds to braſſe.

Of his endictment the whole ſumme was this,

That hee had wrong'd th' Athenian Noveliſts,

By ſelling them meere aire, in ſtead of Sack,

And puffes of wind, for ſtrong Frontigniac:

For empty bottles hee was wont to mixe

Among full flaſques, and with theſe cheating trickes

Deceiv'd thoſe Merchants, who were not ſo wiſe

To know the full from empty by the poiſe.

A fourth Deliquent then was called out,

A Second Proteus or the learned Scout:

This wiſe Chamaeleon was wont to weare

That hue, which was propounded by his feare:

The ſumme of his indictment this contain'd;

That whereas hee had from Apollo gain'd

A Patent to report true newes abroad,

Without diſſimulation, guile, or fraud,

Yet hee adulterated had his ware

With manifold impertinences rare,

Yea from his center ſwarv'd, and gone aſtray

Into ſome matters farre beyond his way:

And that hee with eight Pages undiſcreet,

Had toſs'd and tax'd high actions in a ſheet:

p. 19That he prognoſticks had preſum'd to reare,

On ſtarres above his quadrant, and his ſpheare:

And that he had prefum'd likewiſe to mixe

With his Aviſoes ſweet, foure politicks,

Diſperſing weekly maximes of State,

As if he chiefly at the helme had ſtate:

And that he had oft in ambiguous faſhions,

Appear'd as one transform'd in his relations,

That it was very difficult to find,

Whether he were a bird, or beaſt by kind:

He was accus'd, that he with cenſures bold,

The actions of his betters had controld,

And that he with his mercenary hand,

Had touch'd affaires of weight not to be ſcann'd

By ſuch as hee: thus was the Scout indited,

But when he was unto his anſwer cited,

Hee pleads himſelfe to be an Innocent,

And humbly crav'd the Bench for to conſent

To his impunity, and to diſpence

VVith errours, that ariſe from indigence:

He further added; ſince his fate it was

To be referr'd for tryall of his caſe

Unto twelve mouthes; he crav'd they would admit

Twelve noſes too; him to condemne, or quit,

p. 20That no defect might be of any ſence,

To ſmell, or to find out his innocence.

Apollo then retorts an irefull glance,

And daſh'd the Pris'ner out of countenance:

He told him now 't was time to lay aſide

Impertinent diſcourſe, he ſhould be tryed

By twelve, who were ſufficient Men, and fit

Both for integrity, and pregnant wit:

And as for him, whoſe Vote he did reject,

Upon a cavill againſt ſome defect:

Hee him aſſur'd that all the world might know,

His art was high, although his noſe was low:

But Madagaſcar chiefly did expreſs

His raptures brave, and laur'ate worthineſs.

The Scout commanded was then to ſtand by:

And Civicus held up his hand on high:

Good civill Civicus, who to his booke

Emblemes affix'd, of what he undertooke;

For ſilly rimes appear'd in the firſt place,

To which was added ſome Commanders face,

That in reſemblance, did no more comply,

With him, whom it was ſaid to ſignifie,

Then doe ſome ſtoryes which his books containe,

Reſemble truths: But his offences vaine,

p. 21In his endictment were declar'd at large,

And this was the full purport of his charge;

He was accus'd that he through ſcience bad,

Or Magick, or Magnetick figures, had

Prefixed to his books; which did enchant

The fancies of the weak, and ignorant,

And caus'd them to beſtow more time, and coine,

On ſuch fond Pamphlets, then on books divine:

It was affirm'd, that he was wont to ſcatter,

Upon his ſingle ſheet, more words, then matter,

And that he had with tranſmarine narrations,

Recruted his domeſticall relations,

And from the Danes and Swedes fetch'd cold diſcourſe

To cloy the ſtomacks of his Auditours;

And with ſuch ſtuffe his latter pages patch'd,

That they Brittannicus his doctrines match'd,

Who doubts, and ſatisfactions wont t'invent,

That gave nor ſatisfaction nor content.

VVhile Civicus did thus his tryall heare;

One comes, and whiſpers, Phoebus in the eare,

And him advertis'd, that a ſecret friend

Of Civicus, did to his Highneſs ſend,

A preſent of ſome Sack, and ſugar loaves,

And that there with, the Giver humbly moves,

p. 22That the poore Pris'ner might receive ſuch grace,

As might be juſtly found in ſuch a caſe.

Apollo then, in choler and diſdain,

Did thus break out in termes. VVhat madneſs vain

Or impudence (ſaid He) in humane race

Remains? That they ſhould think with bribes t'efface

Our reſolutions juſt, and us divert

From judgement by the law, and by deſert;

Then he the Gaoler call'd for (Honeſt Ben)

The Keeper fat, of the Trophonian Den:

Him he commands to ſeize upon (in haſt)

The bringer of the bribe, and keep him faſt;

And ſince the Tubbe of which he told the tale,

By ſplitting, had deceiv'd him of his ale;

And ſince his New-Inne too had got a crack,

He bids him take the Sugar loves, and Sack,

To make his lov'd Magnatick Lady glad,

That ſtill (for want of an applauſe) was fad.

Then Civicus unto his charge did plead

Not guilty, and was bidden to recede.

Then with a look like to his ſtyle ſubmiſſe,

Stood forth. the Writes of Occurrences:

He was accuſed to have injur'd Fame,

And to have diſguis'd falſhood by the name

p. 23Of Truth, and with a goodly Frontiſpeice,

To have procur'd his bookes eſteeme, and price:

Which were compar'd unto a painted Inne,

That had nor good wine, nor good cheare within.

He was accus'd, that like a ſubtile theife,

He had his readers rob'd of their beleife,

And of their wit, and judgment them bereav'd,

That willingly, were with his lies deceiv'd:

But if ſome truths (by chance) he utter'd had,

Theſe were in ſuch a tedious language clad,

That many actors of renowned jeſts,

Depriv'd were of their honor'd intereſts,

By his inglorious penne, and alſo thoſe

Who did affect true elegance in proſe,

Did from his ruſtick phraſe conceive more hate,

Then pleaſure from thoſe things he did relate.

It likewiſe was deliver'd in his charge,

That he had tortur'd, with his letters large,

Ingenious eares, which to plebeian hands

He captives made, in auſcultations bands.

And that mens names, on credit he up tooke,

All which he liſted to fill up his booke,

And for to make a greater noiſe, he ſummes

Both Trumpets, Seargeants, Corporalls, & drums,

p. 24Among the numbers of the ſlain, or taken,

Wherby he did great Officers awaken,

That ſlep't in honours bed, who did complaine,

To ſee themſelves mixt with that vulgar train

The Pris'ners plea to this indictment was

Flat negative, for in the plaineſt caſe,

Al malefactors hate confeſſion free,

Confeſſe and hang is ſtill their maximé.

The Pris'ner alſo crav'd, he might be heard,

While he againſt a jury-man preferr'd

A juſt exception, his requeſt was granted,

And fraught with malice, though much wit he wanted,

He gentle Mr. Cary did refuſe,

Who pleas'd faire Ladies with his courtly muſe:

He ſaid, that he by his luxurious penne,

Deſerv'd had better the Trophonian Denne,

Then many now which ſtood to be arraign'd,

For he the Theſpian Fountaine had diſtain'd,

With ſoule conceits, and made their waters bright,

Impure, like thoſe of the Hermophrodue,

He ſaid, that he in verſe, more looſe had bin,

Then old Chaerephanes, or Aretine,

In obſcaene portraitures: and that this fellow

In Helicon had reard the firſt Burdello,

p. 25That he had chang'd the chaſt Caſtalian ſpring,

Into a Carian Well, whoſe waters bring

Effeminate deſites, and thoughts uncleane,

To minds that earſt were pure, and moſt ſerene,

Thus ſpake the pris'ner, when a furious glance,

Was darted from Apollos countenance,

Which ſtrook him dumb: then Scaliger the wiſe

Was call'd, to whom Apollo thus aplies

His Speech. Grave Cenſour of our learned Hill

Whom your owne merit, and our royall will

Hath ſuperviſour made of Arts, and Muſes,

I wonder at the noiſe of theſe abuſes,

For I conceive not yet, that theſe effects,

Should be th'unhappy fruites of your neglects,

So well you'ave purg'd the errours of the Times,

That I think not you could permit ſuch crimes,

Our manners to corrupt, ſince that our ſprings

Ought to be kept as pure as beds of Kings:

For he that vice, with ſcience doth commixe,

Turnes noble Hippocren' to ugly Styx,

In marriage bonds hoth Heaven and Hell combine

Yet Art may Heaven and earth together joyne:

Thus ſpake Apollo, then learn'd Scaliger

Shap'd the replye: I have (my Soveraigne deare)

p. 26With care intended what concerns my place,

So to conſerve your ſprings from mixtures baſe,

Yet all my care, and labour is but vaine,

Except Jove will conſent t'undoe againe

His worke of Humane nature, and the ſame

Of ſuch pure ſtuffe, and perfect temper frame,

As it of no corruption may admit:

For I have try'd my induſtry and wit,

Both Arts, and Authours to refine, and mend,

As well as times, yet can I not defend,

But ſome luxuriant witt, will often vent

Laſcivious Poëms, againſt my conſent:

Of which offence, if Cary guilty be,

Yet may ſome chaſter Songs him render free

From cenſure ſharp, and expiate thoſe crimes

Which are not fully his, but rather Times:

But let your Grace vouchſafe, that he may try

How he can make his own Apology:

Apollo then gave Cary leave to ſpeake,

Who thus in modeſt ſort, did ſilence breake.

In wiſdomes nonage, and unriper yeares,

Some lines ſlipt from my penne, which ſince with teares

I labour'd to expunge: This Song of mine

Was not infuſed by the Virgins nine,

p. 27Nor through my dreames divine upon this Hill,

Did this vain Rapture iſſue from my quill,

No Theſpian waters, but a Paphian fire,

Did me with this foule extaſie inſpire:

I oft have wiſh'd, that I (like Saturne) might

This Infant of my folly ſmother quite,

Or that I could retract, what I had done,

Into the boſome of Oblivion.

Thus Cary did conclude: for preſt by griefe,

Hee was compell'd to be conciſe, and briefe:

Phoebus at his contrition did relent,

And Edicts ſo on through all Parnaſſus ſent,

That none ſhould dare to attribute the ſhame

Of that fond rapture, unto Caryes name,

But Order'd that the infamy ſhould light

On thoſe, who did the ſame read, or recite.

Hee further-more the Pris'ner did injoyne,

Againſt him all exceptions to decline,

And to a legall tryall for to ſtand,

If Hee expected favour at his hand.

The innocent Scotch Dove did then advance,

Full ſober in his wit, and countenance,

And though his books contain'd not mickle ſence,

Yet his endictment ſhew'd no great offence;

p. 28Great Wits, to perills great themſelves expoſe

Oft' times; but the Scotch Dove was none of thoſe:

In many words he little matter dreſt,

And did Laconick brevity deteſt,

Perſpicuous phraſe he lov'd, could not endure

To be in ſtile, or in his life obſcure,

But while his Readers did expect ſome newes,

They found a Sermon, thus did he abuſe

Good people, that he rather might have took

A Lapwing, then a Dove to trimme a book:

This was his charge: and being call'd to plead,

Hee cryes not guilty, and petitioned

He might be heard to vindicate his worth

From ſcandall, and reproach, on him caſt forth

By Aulicus, that ſcoffing Hipponax,

Who with lewd crimes, did him unjuſtly tax;

His ſute was granted, then did he complaine

That Aulicus, his title did diſdaine,

And ſpitefully in ſtead of Scottiſh Pigeon,

Had him the nick-name given of Scottiſh Wigion,

And that he had moſt falſly him accus'd,

Preſtigious Arts, and Magick to have us'd,

Whereby Mens ſenſes were with errours ſtrook,

That firebrands, they for olive branches took.

p. 29Thus ſpake the Dove: Apollo then reply'd,

Wee might condemne your arrogance, and pride,

Cauſe you the name of venus birds have choſe,

When Scotland hath (you know) no birds like thoſe,

Though it abounds with fowle of various kinds;

But errours ſmall provoke not heavenly minds,

I doubt not, but that Aulicus his tongue

Hath injur'd you, but were this all the wrong

Which it hath done, He might our cenſure ſcape,

And paſſe, not for a Serpent, but an Ape.

thus Phoebus ſpake; And then the Scoitiſh Dove

Rejoyn'd, as zeale and choler did him move;

I challenge to the duell of the pen

Falſe Aulicus, that Cynick among men,

That enemy of Truth, true honours ſcourge,

That Officine of lyes, and ſlanders forge,

Oh let your Grace vouchſafe to turne me looſe,

A Scottiſh Dove, againſt the Romiſh Gooſe.

Apollo then reflects a frowning eye,

Commands him to deſiſt, and to ſtand by.

The Cryer then did the ſwift Poſt command,

At his indictment to hold up his hand:

He was accus'd of theſe enormities,

Firſt that with Encheridions of lyes,

p. 30He had diſturb'd the learned Common-weale,

And alſo in felonious ſort did ſteale

From Euphues, and Arcadia, language gay

Therein his vain relations to array,

Becauſe he knew that lyes in fine attires,

Preferr'd are before truths, by many buyers:

Such was his ſtyle, ſuch tales did he endite,

That he no newes, but Romants ſeem'd to write;

It alſo ſtrongly was againſt him urg'd,

That he ſome Packets had contriv'd, and forg'd,

Which letters did of falſe reports containe,

And this was meerely done for thirſt of gaine:

This was his charge; and becauſe he divin'd

That free confeſſion might ſome favour find,

Hee guilty pleads, and then was ſet aſide.

Another then was call'd forth to be try'd:

And this was he, who weekly did diſpence

A miſcellany of intelligence:

Of his endictment, the effect was this,

That he had with his weekly repſodyes,

The Aſſes of Parnaſsus ſore anno'd,

Whom he had fed with many rumours voyd,

And vapours vain. Thus like Chamelions they

Took ſmoke in ſtead of provender and hay,

p. 31And therby grew in ſence ſo leane, and lame:

That quite unfit for ſervice they became;

It was alleadg'd, that he for lucres ſake,

Did falſe intelligence deviſe, and make,

And car'd not who he gul'd, or did beguile,

Soe he might reap therby ſome profit vile.

Theſe were the crimes, wherof he was accus'd

To which he pleads not guilty, but refus'd

By Hiſtriomicke Poëts to be try'd,

'Gainſt whom, he thus maliciouſly enveigh'd

Juſtice (ſayd he) and no ſiniſter fury,

Diſwades me from a tryall by a jury,

That of worſe miſdemeanours guilty bee,

Then thoſe which are objected againſt mee:

Theſe mercinary pen-men of the Stage,

That foſter the grand viſes of this age,

Should in this Common-wealth no office beare,

But rather ſtand with vsus Delinquents here:

Shakeſpear's a Mimicke, Maſsinger a Sot,

Heywood for Aganippe takes a plot:

Beamount and Fletcher make one poët, they

Single, dare not adventure on a Play.

Theſe things are all but th'errour of the Muſes,

Abortive witts, foul fountains of abuſes:

p. 32Reptiles, which are equivocally bred,

Under ſome hedge, not in that geniall bed

Where lovely art with a brave wit conjoyn'd,

Engenders Poets of the nobleſt kind.

Plato refus'd ſuch creatures to admit

Into his Common-wealth, and is it fit

Parnaſſus ſhould the exiles entertaine

Of Plato? therefore (my dread Soveraigne)

I crave your Pardon, while I thus preſume

To ſupplicate your Highneſs, to reſume

Your wonted Juſtice, that this ſacred Hill,

No more may ſuffer by ſuch members ill;

Thus ſpake the Pris'ner: then among the crowd,

Plautus, and Terence 'gan to mutter loud,

And old Menander was but ill apayd,

While Ariſtophanes his wrath bewray'd,

With words approbr'ous; for it gall'd him ſhrewdly,

To ſee dramatick Poets tax'd ſo lewdly:

And while' mongſt theſe, the murmure did encreaſe,

The Cryer warn'd them all to hold their peace.

The Court was ſilent, the Apollo ſpake:

If thou (ſaid He) chiefly for vertues ſake,

Or true affection to the Common-weale,

Didſt our Dramatick Poëts thus appeale,

p. 33VVe ſhould to thy exception give conſent,

But ſince we are aſſur'd, 'tis thy intent,

By this refuſall, onelyonly to deferre

That cenſure, which our juſtice muſt conferre

Upon thy merits; we muſt needs decline

From approbation of theſe pleas of thine,

And are reſolv'd that at this time, and place,

They ſhall as Jurours, on thy tryall paſſe,

But if our Cenſour, ſhall hereafter find,

They have deſerved ill, we have deſign'd

That they likewiſe ſhall be to judgement brought,

To ſuffer for thoſe crimes, which they have wrought,

Thus ſpake the Soveraign of the two topp'd Mount,

Another then was call'd to an account,

And this was he, who weekly did pretend,

Accounts of certain news abroad to ſend.

He was accus'd, that he with Pamphlets vain,

The art of lying had ſought to maintain,

VVhichWhich trade, he and his fellow us'd of late,

VVith ſuch ſucceſſe, and profit in the State

Of high Parnaſsas, that they did conſpite,

A Patent from Apollo to acquire:

That they might thus incorporated bee,

Into a Company of Lyers free.

p. 34This was his charge: while he no whit relents,

But ſtood to juſtifie his innocence.

The Pen man of the Perfect Paſsages

Then to his tryall did himſelfe addreſſe,

He was accus'd, that he for love of gain,

Had injur'd Truth, with many ſtories vain,

And that Hee with his mercenary quill,

Diſhonour'd had Apollo's Noble Hill.

That Hee, and his aſſociates had attempted

In a felonious manner, to have empty'd

The Fountaines of the Muſes, to fulfill

That appetite which roſe from Livers ill.

To this indictment he gave a denyall,

And yeelds himſelfe ſubmiſſively to his tryall.

The ſubtile Spye then to the barre drew nere,

And with dejected lookes, his hand did reare:

But he in his indictment was accus'd,

Old Galilaeos glaſses to have us'd,

Which repreſented objects to his eye,

Beyond their meaſure, and juſt ſymmetrie,

VVhereby the faults of many did appeare,

More and farre greater, then indeed they were:

And that he at a diſtance did recount,

(Like Lynceus from the Lilybean mount)

p. 35Numbers of ſhipps and men, though he indeed

So blind was, that he did a leader need.

He was accus'd that (like Aglaures) hee

Forbidden objects had preſum'd to ſee,

And therefore merited in law, and ſence,

His eares to forfeit, for his eyes offence.

Thus his Indictment rann: It he denies,

And for a tryall, on twelve men relyes;

But this deſpitefull Spye a cavill rais'd

'Gainſt Michael Drayton, whom he much diſprais'd

For that great Poly-Olbion which he writ,

This he tearm'd a rude Embrion of wit,

Apeice of low eſteeme, together layd

Without propicious Pallas, or the ayde

Of the nine Muſes, who did much diſdaine

The homely features of his Naiad's vaine.

Thus ſpake the Spye, and ſtill would have proceeded

If that Apollo had not him impeded.

I thinke through th'inſolence of theſe (ſaid hee)

And our remiſſneſſe: we this Barr ſhall ſee

Become a ſtage of the Old Comedye,

How boldly hath this proud traduceing Spye,

And his Comrades, our honeſt Poëts checkt,

Who from the beſt have ever found reſpect:

p. 36Nor can ſmooth Drayton ſcape their cenſures ſharp

But at his workes this buſy Spye muſt carp:

Drayton, whoſe Sonnets ſweet of Love heroicke

May melt th' Eſſaean, or the rigid Stoicke

To amorous Leanders, and them move

Through Seas of teares, to ſwim to her they love.

This Swanne of ours, that impure Zoylus blots

With ſcandalls foule: But as the Ermines ſpotts

Adde price and eſtimation to his Furre,

Soe the reproofes of this invective curre

Give light, and luſtre unto Draytons worth,

And with advantage ſet his merit forth:

Drayton, who doth, in ſuch magnificke ſort

Delineate Valour in his Agincourte,

That this illuſtr'ous poëme, doth inſpire

Even courages of ice, with warlike fire.

His Tragicke Legends are with ſorce endu'd,

To ſoften Scythyans, and Tartars rude,

Yea with pathetick Fancies to enchant

Obdurate mindes: and hearts of Adamant,

His vertue's ſo ſublime, that even as ſoon,

The Savage Negro's darts may peirce the Moone,

As the invectives of this froward Spye,

A drachme of worth, take from his merit high.

p. 37Thus ſpake Apollo: while old Drayton ſmil'd

To ſee him curb'd that had him thus revil'd.

Now when the Jurours had diſtinctly heard

Each Bill, that was againſt theſe men preferr'd,

They then commanded were for to recede,

Vntill they on their Verdicts had agreed,

Soe poſitive the teſtmonies were;

The evidence s'authentique, and ſoe cleare,

That they requir'd no man of lawes advice,

For to decide ſome points, or matters nice,

After ſome time in conſultation ſpent,

Their verdicts to the Court they did preſent,

George Withers for their Foreman they had choſe,

Who confident was, both in verſe and proſe;

He did not like a Cuſtard, quake and quiver,

When he his verdict came for to deliver:

And firſt, of him it was enquired, whether

They in their verdict had agreed together:

He anſwer'd yes: and then he was commanded

The priſoner to behold: then thy demanded

If that Britannicus to them apear'd

Or fit to be condemn'd, or to be clear'd:

The Foreman guilty cryes, then they enquire,

What he can for himſelfe ſpeake, or deſire,

p. 38VVhereby he might evade that ſentence juſt,

VVhichWhich inſtantly proceed againſt him muſt.

He crav'd his book, but that was him deny'd;

It was his book (they ſaid) which him deſtroyd.

Nor was this Pris'ner onelyonly guilty found,

For all his conſorts heard the ſelf-ſame ſound.

Apollo then after a conflict high,

Between his juſtice, and his clemency,

Not without ebullition of ſome teares,

Thus ſentence gave upon the Priſoners.

Britanicus condemn'd was to be led,

To that place where the Porcupines were fed,

VVhere to a poſt faſt bound, he muſt remaine,

Till with their quils, they had him ſhot and ſlaine.

But Aulicus, pollo did condemne,

To be tranſported to the fatall Denne

VVhichWhich kept thoſe Vipers, from all parts collected,

Of which Parnaſſus Treacle was confected.

For when Apollo did long ſince deſcry,

That Fortune, and the VVorld did much envy

The learned crew, and them to Limbo ſent,

Oft through the poiſon of deep diſcontent

Hee through his skill in phyſick did deviſe

This Antidote againſt all maladies;

p. 39And for this end he did thoſe vipers cherriſh,

Among which now, poore Aulicus muſt periſh:

But the ſly Scout, a gentler cenſure found,

(Apollo with ſuch mildnes did abound)

For he was deſtin'd to this puniſhment;

He to the Vale of Hybla muſt be ſent,

There to protect the hives of Thrifty Bees,

From the Invaſions and the Larcenies,

Of Waſpes and Hornets; butt' was ordered too

That he ſtarke naked, muſt this ſervice doe,

And he theſe Robbers only muſt aſſaile,

With the long feather of a Capons taile,

The wiſe Intelligencer then did heare

His ſentence, which ſeem'd ſomewhat too ſevere

For he condemn'd was to a Scullions place,

Within the Kitchen of Appollos grace;

Where he was forc'd his papers to expend,

Piggs, Pyes, and Geeſe, from burning to defend.

But Civicus was ſentenc'd to be gone,

Both from Parnaſſus and from Helicon,

And to the Fennes of Lerna was confin'd

Where a poore cottage was to him aſſign'd;

There he a ſory lively-hood muſt make,

By angling Froggs out of a ſtinking Lake.

p. 40The writer alſo of Diurnalls was

Condemned to a farre remoter place,

For he was baniſh'd to an uncouth land,

Where only Apes inhabit and command:

And there he was enjoyn'd to inſtruct theſe,

In Muſicke, and in divers languages;

Yet had he no more languages then tongues,

No other muſicke then the Cuckoos ſongs.

But he who did the Occurrances compile,

Was nor confin'd, nor forc'd to chang his ſoyle,

But by Apollo's merey ſentenc'd was,

To ſerve with paper all the Cloaca's,

That did unto Parnaſsus appertaine,

And if hereafter any ſhould complaine,

He wanted this for neceſſary uſe,

Then without bayle and mainepriſe, or excuſe,

He muſt be carr'd to that priſon ſad,

Bocardo call'd, whence no releaſments had.

The writer of the True Accounts then heares

His grevious cenſure, with unwilling eares:

He was condem'd unto the Stygian Galley,

Where he was forc'd upon a wooden talley

To keep a true account of all thoſe Ghoſts

That daily ferry'd to the further Coaſts:

p. 41And of his hire, each night receive hee muſt

Three fillips on the noſe, with a browne cruſt,

Of mouldy bread: and hee for ſeven yeares ſpace

Was judg'd to bee a bond-ſlave in that place.

The Poſt receiv'd (as it to ſome may ſeeme)

A ſentence to way rigid, or extreme,

For hee was not exil'd, nor forc'd to change

His calling, for a place of baſenes ſtrange:

Nor was the gallant off-ſpring of his wit,

Condemned to the Oven, or to the Spitt.

It was decreed he ſhould be ſtill permitted

For to ride poſte, but muſt be ever fitted

With ſtumbling Jades of ſuch decrepite age,

That they would tire, in riding halfe a ſtage.

Appollo then, this judgement did expreſſe,

'Gainſt th' Author of the Perfect Paſsages;

Hee was confin'd unto a gloomy Gave:

Which nor to Sunne, nor Moone admiſſion gave

Here by the glow-wormes blaze, and glimmering light

Of rotten wood, he was inioyn'd to write

The Leaguers, Fights, Advances, and Retreats,

Aſſaults, Surpriſalls, and all martiall feates,

Which in that long, and bloody warre were ſhew'd

Wherein ſly Weaſills, noyſome Ratts ſubdu'd

p. 42The Spye then hears his cenſure, which containes

A leſſer weight of infamy, then paines.

For whereas Phaebus had receiv'd of late

Petitions meeke, from the Pigmean State,

Which ſhew'd how the ſtern Cranes with ireful teen

Oppreſt had theſe Epitomes of men,

And with their ſtratagems, and warlike ſleights

Reduc'd that Nation to deplored ſtreights:

For they, arm'd with black bills, in combate fierce,

Had foil'd thoſe foote and halfe-foote Cavaliers:

And with their watchfull Camiſades likewiſe

Did them by night ſo frequently ſurpriſe,

That they were forc'd to crave Apoolos aide,

Approching death, and ruine to evade,

Who pitties their eſtate, and to comply

With their deſires, appoints the cunning Spye

To poſt away to the Pigmaean Land,

To be aſſiſtant with his helping hand;

And to diſcover with his peircing eyes,

The Cranes deepe plotts, and hidden ſubtilties:

Apollo likewiſe did injoine the Spye,

To viſit Caucaſus as he paſs'd by,

Cloud-topping Caucoſus, where Eagles ſtrong

Their airyes have, the horrid Cliffes among:

p. 43With theſe fierce Birdes, him hee commands to treate,

About the levyes of ſome Forces great;

Againſt th' inſulting Cranes to bee imploy'd,

Which the Pigmaeans poore had ſo annoy'd.

In lieu of other puniſhment, the Spye

Was bound to undertake this Embaſſye:

And did applaud Apollos mercy ſtrange,

That did his cenſure to an honour change.

The Scottiſh Dove then heard this ſentence faire:

Hee to his native countrey muſt repaire,

And was on paine of death prohibited,

To croſſe the Seas, or to repaſſe the the Twede,

But while his guilty fellows did envye

His eaſy Mulct, and gentle penaltye;

Hee cry'd his ſentence was ſevere, and hard,

And might with moſt of theirs, bee well compar'd,

For if they knew the Horne as well as hee,

They'd rather dye, then there impriſon'd bee.

When judgement was on all the Pris'ners paſt,

Appollo to diſſolve the Court did haſt;

But Aulicus in moſt ſubmiſsive wiſe,

For Mitigation of his cenſure cryes:

p. 44So did Britanicus. Phaebus relents,

And takes the edge off from their puniſhments,

They were repriv'd. Then all the Court commended

Appollo's mercy: Thus th' Aſſizes ended.

Printed and Publiſhed according to Order.

FINIS.

End of the text · George Wither, The Great Assizes (1645)