A Scripture-Map of the Wilderness of Sin, Treatise · Part 2 · Chapter 22
CHAP. XXII. Containes the third ſort of Bewildring darkneſs, v…z. after converſion in three particulars, the firſt whereof in this Chapter: viz. Declaring our firſt Love.
THere is a third kind of bewildring darkeneſſes,The third kind of bewildring darkeneſſe, viz. after converſion. As to our comforts. 3. particulars. which I refer to our after-Converſion-State, which either bewilder us, and make us at a loſſe, as to our comforts, or as to the exerciſe of our graces.
1. There are darkneſſes bewildring us after our converſion, as to our comforts; And thoſe are principally upon one of theſe three accounts, either from the withdrawing the firſt light of Gods countenance, or our firſt Love; or 2. Gods darkſom diſpenſations outwardly towards us: or 3. our own dark backſlidings from him.
Firſt,The declining of our firſt height of zeale for God, and Gods raviſhing ſmiles upon us. the declining of our firſt height and heate of Love, and alſo of the raviſhing ſenſe of Gods pardoning grace and love towards us (which we ſometimes have in a very high meaſure in our firſt converſion, but abates oft times afterwards) is as it were the ſetting of the Sun upon us, and leaves us many times ſo much in the darke, as to make us at a loſſe, as to all our Spirituall comfort, and brings us indeed into a ſecond wilderneſs.
Give me leave to illuſtrate this by a parable.A parable. The firſt Apoſtacy of our hearts. The ſtate of unconverſion. Suppoſe a woman in a croſſe humour leaving her husband, and forſaking his houſe, makes (as ſhe intends) for ſome friends houſe that may receive her, and where ſhe may better indulge her own mind, and cocker her owne will and ſpirit: But miſſing of the way, lights into a wilderneſs and loſeth her ſelfe, and anon the night overtakes her, now ſhe weepes and wailes,The ſtate of Conviction. but there is none to comfort her, ſhe liſtens and harkneth if ſhe might happily heare the voyce of any guide, but in ſtead of the voyce of a man to comfort her, there are the roarings of all the devouring beaſts to affright her, ſhe is afraid to call out for helpe, leſt by ſuch intelligence, the ravenous beaſts find her and ſeize upon her, and ſhe ſpends the miſerable night, but yet is kept alive, till at length the day ſtar ariſeth,Firſt glimmerings of hope or tidings of mercy. Dawnings of ſome comfortable hopes. Converſion. and that is ſome refreſhing to her, the day breakes, and that is more; the ſun ariſeth, and the Lyons lay themſelves downe in their dens, their roaring ceaſeth: oh! now ſhe gets up and liſtens, and whoſe voyce ſhould ſhe heare, but the voyce of her affectionate, carefull, faithfull husband, who had followed her with love to find her when ſhee was loſt; and how do you thinke will that voice revive her? yea, but when he comes to her, embraceth her, pitties her, pardons her, leads her out of the wilderneſſe, he gives her wine,Juſtification, &c. hee powres oyle into the rents which the thornes of the wilderneſſe had made: the bryers of the wilderneſs having torne away her cloathes from her, hee takes his own garment and caſts it over her,Raviſhing joyes. Enlargements of heart towards God. he adornes, he perfumes her. Oh! what ravishing joyes are there now thinke you in the heart of this woman? Oh! now she will returne home, she will goe, and dwell with him, and she will never forſake him any more. Yes, home she muſt; and she hath ſuch a mind to it, that ſometimes she outgoes (as it were) her husband, he doth not go faſt enough for her: But at length as willing as ſhe is,Drowſineſſe after converſion. her leggs grow weary of that faſt pace, and her ſpirits are ſo tyred, that ſhe draggs behind and falls aſleep, and there ſhe lyes: her husband looks, and calls her, but ſhe is faſt aſleep: he comes to her, joggs her, and awaketh her, but ſhe is immediately aſleep againe, being heavy with ſleepe:Darkneſſe through Gods withdrawing. Bewildring after conver. At length the night comes on againe, and her husband withdrawes himſelfe, ſhee wakens, but is neere the borders of the wilderneſſe ſtill; ſhe heares yet again the roarings almoſt as lightly perhaps as when ſhe was in the midſt of the wilderneſſe: ſhe looks, ſhe calls, ſhe feeles for her husband, but he is gone, yet ſhe goeth in the darke, and after him ſhe goes, but in ſtead of finding him, loſeth her ſelfe: Now perhaps ſhe may fear, yea think, yea be perſwaded, that the joyes of yeſterday were but a dreame, and that ſhe was never at all brought out of the Wilderneſſe: Thus ſhe takes on, perhaps, more than at the beginning; untill the day again breaks, and her Husband (that all this while obſerved her) ſpeaks unto her, and reveales himſelf afreſh, and comforts her. And now this is that ſhe will doe, ſhe takes hold of him, ſhe followes after him, and yet keeps cloſe unto him; ſhe makes him her ſtrength; if ſhe cannot goe, he muſt leade her, he muſt carry her; for home with him ſhe muſt; ſhe is reſolved to goe.
Pardon the Allegory; for I ſpeake of Chriſt and his Church. The Soul departing from the Lord (as all of us did in Adam) is called a woman departing from her first Husband, Hoſ. 2. It thinkes to pleaſe it ſelfe in ſin, but inſtead of finding a way to true pleaſure, hits upon this ſpirituall Wilderneſſe. The Night is the darkſome clouding of a convicted, wounded ſpirit. The Lyons roaring, &c. is the terrours of the Law, temptations of Satan, horrors of Conſcience. In this condition (as I ſaid) the ſoul is afraid of crying out for a Guide, for a God, for fear of the Devil: Many a ſuch ſoul is more afraid of praying now, than it was of curſing, or ſwearing before. This Sunſet of carnall comforts, this Midnight of black terrours may, and often doth continue long, and alwaies long enough to make the poor heart weary of the Wilderneſſe: But God is faithfull, who ſuffers not the ſoul (that he loves) to be tempted above what it is able, but will with the temptation alſo make a way to eſcape: Through the tender mercy of this God the Day-ſtar at length viſites the ſoul thus ſitting in darkneſſe. And heres ſome glimering of comfort to the heart: Yea, but anon, the Sunne of Righteouſneſſe ariſeth with healing under his wings. And now are the beaſts of the prey laying themſelves downe in their dens: Satan is chained up from aſſaulting: the Law is prohibited from condemning, and Conſcience begins a little to be cheared, and now the ſoul gets up upon her feet to hear what God will ſay; and the ſound that ſhe hears, is the voice of her Beloved, where art thou poore Soul? come unto me, and I will give thee reſt: And this abundantly revives her; yea, but by and by Chriſt comes and manifeſts himſelf unto her, and receives her, making her able by Faith to embrace him: He puts (his Robes) his Righteouſneſſe upon her nakedneſſe; his Oyle (his Comforts) into her wounds; his Wine (his Joyes) revive her; his Grace (his Oyntments) doe perfume her: and now the heart that was rent, and the bones which were broken doe rejoice with joy unſpeakable, and full of glory. And now the ſoul makes too much haſte home, even greater than Chriſt ſeeth convenient for it, crying out, Oh that I were diſſolved, that I might be at home with the Lord! Lord, now lettest thou thy ſervant depart in peace. Oh! that I had but power according to my minde, what would not I doe for God? This is much haſte, but doth this hold alwaies? No verily, the Spirit indeed is willing, but the Fleſh is weake; its not able to beare ſuch hard travail, it grows drowſie and dull, and heavy with ſleep, I meane ſecurity, or ſloath, or the like; yea, and aſleep it falls under the edge of the Wilderneſſe; though it be out of the ſtate of ſinne, yet it is neare unto the terrours and actings of ſin ſtill: And as ſoon as this ſoul falls aſleep, Chriſt ſeemes to withdraw: Anon the ſoul is again awakened, but night is come upon it. It is not yet ſo free from the Wilderneſſe but it can againe heare the roaring Lyons, that is, 'tis again afflicted, perplexed, troubled: Satan's as loud, Conſcience is as loud as ever: And now ſaith the ſoul, alaſs! all was but a dreame, but a deluſion, and I was never at all brought out of the Wilderneſſe, never ſavingly wrought upon. Now ſhe gets up, and loſeth her ſelf in looking a Chriſt, now ſhe is in as much darkneſſe as ever, as to her apprehenſion; and this is the firſt bewildring darkneſſe after Converſion, v…z. upon the ſoules falling aſleep in ſpiritual ſloth and ſecurity, even upon ſuch withdrawing of its firſt zeale, and Gods withdrawing his firſt ſmiles. But when Chriſt hath to purpoſe tryed, he will graciouſly returne unto ſuch, and reſtore the joy of his ſalvation: yet, perhaps, never againe in ſuch a raviſhing tranſporting meaſure here, though he will reſtore a convenient meaſure to ſupport for the preſent; yet (it's like) ſo ſparingly, as to keep the ſoul in more humble and cloſe dependance for the future.
I have been the longer,Made out in the Spouſe. becauſe I have been telling the main of the ſtory of this Spouſe in the Canticles unto that verſe which is my Text.
You may obſerve mention of two eminent times of darkneſſe, or benighting times to the poor Spouſe;Twice in the dark. the firſt was Cant. 3.1. By night I ſought him, &c. Being in the dark ſhe was afraid to be any more without him. The ſecond was, Cant. 5.2. when ſhe fell aſleep, and Chriſt waited to awaken her, till his locks were bedewed with the night, ſaith the Text. Now in both theſe darkneſſes ſhe was at a loſſe for her beloved, Cant. 3.1. I ſought him, but I found him not. ſo ver. 2: ſo alſo Cant. 5.6. I ſought him, but he had withdrawn himſelfe. Here it ſeemes ſhe had once found him, but now ſhe hath loſt him.
Now ſuitable to this double loſſe,Twice coming out of the Wilderneſs. and benighted condition, you have mention made twice of her coming out of the Wilderneſſe. Cant. 3. ſhe is bewildred and benighted, and at a loſſe for Chriſt, but ver. 4. at length ſhe gets at him; and it followes ver. 6. Who is this that comes out of the Wilderneſſe perfumed with all the precious powders of the Merchant? Where you have to obſerve, 1. How ſadly ſhee was bewildred till ſhe came at Jeſus Chriſt. 2. In how glorious and tranſcendent beauty ſhe was, when ſhe, by taking hold upon Chriſt (as is ſaid ver. 4.) came out of the Wilderneſſe. Oh 'tis ſuch a bright day now, that ſhe doth not thinke of another night, ſo much peace of conſcience & joy in believing, ſo much raviſhment, ſuch ſmoking perfumes, &c. Now ſhe comes out of the wilderneſs, and ſhe is a perfumed Spouſe.
But then again, as you read of her ſecond Night, and ſecond Bewildring in the fifth Chapter, ſo of her comming out of the wilderneſſe the ſecond time in our Text. OnelyOnly obſerve the difference, and you ſhall find it what I ſaid true: Who is this that comes up from the wilderneſſe, leaning upon her beloved, Cant. 8.5. Oh! it was a long time this laſt bout, ere ſhe could finde that which ſhe had loſt in a nights ſteep of ſloth and ſecurity. At firſt, you ſee her at a loſs, chap. 3.1. and coming out of the wilderneſs, ver. 6. But now you muſt read from Chap. 5. to Chap. 8. before you heare of her coming up from the wilderneſs: At firſt ſhe comes up in full ſenſe of her glory; ſhe is a perfumed Spouſe. Next bout ſhe comes up in full ſenſe of her infirmity; ſhe is now a leaning Spouſe. Th re was more ſparkling, flaming, ſmoaking, perfumes of joy before; but more ſerious, ſober, ſetled humility and dependance now. Before ſhe was more proud of her Beloved, and leſſe aſhamed of her ſelfe: But now how glad in her Saviour, and yet how ſad in her ſelf. Yea, herein her heart (although ſhe lean, and come up from the wilderneſs) is ready ſtill to faile; becauſe after ſhe had taſted of his love, ſhe fell aſleep: And although ſhe were out of the firſt Wilderneſs (viz. that of the ſtate of Condemnation) yet fell into the ſecond Wilderneſs, even that drowſineſſe of ſpirit after Converſion. Therefore let not any poor heart among you (for whoſe ſake I have ſpoken all this) ſay, that it was never truly brought out of ſin, becauſe it is now, or hath been upon the wrack of new terrours, becauſe of its after-converſion, drowſineſſe, or ſecurity: OnelyOnly if ever thou be (as no doubt thou wilt be) brought out of the Wilderneſſe the ſecond time, covet rather to come out a leaning Spouſe, than a perfumed Spouſe. I mean, rather deſire to be kept low, and in dependance by Grace, than to be raiſed over-high by comfort. Thus much of the firſt bewildring darkneſſe after Converſion, as to the enjoyment of our comforts. I would not let him goe, chap. 3.4. (That's her language at her coming firſt out of the Wilderneſſe, and 'tis pretty high and confident) but chap. 8.1, 2. O that thou wert as my Brother, I would lead thee, and bring thee, &c. (this is her Dialect at her ſecond coming up from the ſecond Wilderneſs) here's more humility and dependance.