The Sinfulness of Evil Thoughts, Treatise · Chapter 26
CHAP. XXVI. Of Self-murdering Thoughts.
BUT the fouleſt and blackeſt thoughts of all, are ſelf-deſtroying thoughts: Oh theſe are ſad and helliſh thoughts! My heart trembles at the very mention of them; yet are theſe incident ſometimes to a godly heart, I do not ſay he can entertain them; But, as when in a ſcare-fire, the ſparks are driven by the wind, he covers his houſe with wet ſheets, and ſtands ready with water, to reſiſt the firſt faſtnings and ſetling of the fire, ſo it muſt be here. Job had once ſuch a Tranſient thought, but it held not long, My ſoul chuſeth ſtrangling, and death rather than life, Job 7. 15. But his fixed reſolution was at other times, I will wait all the days of my apointed time, till my change cometh, Job 14. 14. And againe, If he kill me yet will I truſt in him, Job 13. 15.
To ſtop the execution of theſe black and bloudy thoughts, we ſhall offer a few reaſons, if yet they will ſtay to hear any reaſon: The Lord ſet them home.
1. Theſe come Immediately, and undoubtedly from Satan, who is a murtherer from the beginning, and delighteth in bloud, eſpecially of ſouls: Theſe cannot come from God. The Lords command is to love thy ſelf, and to love thy neighbour, but as thy ſelf; if thou wouldeſt not have a hand in anothers bloud, then not in thy own, whom thou art bound to love no leſſe: Theſe cannot come from thy ſelf, or nature. Natures firſt principle implanted in every animal, is ſelf-preſervation; Graces firſt principle is, Soul-preſervation, but Satans firſt principle is ſelf-deſtruction, and ſoul-deſtruction, caſt thy ſelf down. Thus at one ſtroke deſtroying ſoul and body, and cutting off two lives, for he envieth not to man his life, but his ſalvation; as he envies no man for his riches, but for his grace. Satan reckons of ſuch as his own who yield to this.
2. It always is a ſin, and impoſſible to be but a foul ſin, ſelf-murder. To take away the life of another, is ſometimes duty, thy own, is always ſin. It is ſometimes neceſſary to take away anothers life, ſometimes excuſable, becauſe unavoidable; But never neceſſary, never lawfull, never excuſable, (upon whatſoever pretence) to deprive thy ſelf of thy own life. The Judge, yea the Executioner are innocent when they take away the life of a malefactor; They are both Gods Miniſters, for the good of others. But thou canſt never be innocent in this Act (though thou haſt been the fouleſt malefactor) becauſe God hath not made thee a Judge and Arbitrator of thy own life and death, but bindes thee to the preſervation onelyonly) and it is not God but Satan whoſe Executioner thou art.
3. As it is a foul and moſt horrid ſin it ſelf, ſo it is a big-bellied ſin, full of many other ſins, which ever accompany it, as pride, impatience, immoderategrief, bitter diſcontent, yea unbelief, and deſpair, &c. is ever accompanied with hard thoughts of God, diſlike of his providence and proceedings, doubts of his truth, love, mercy, and promiſes in Jeſus Chriſt.
4. There is no mention in all the Scriptures of any good man that ever did thus; It is an Argument of great force and comfort, when we have to do with ſome under foul ſins, ſad deſertions, ſoreſt diſtreſſes, if we can parallel their caſe and ſay, No temptation bafals you but what is common to men, the like hath befallen others of the Saints: But this hath never been the ſpot of any of Gods people, recorded in Scripture, (I have nothing to do to judge of the ſtate of ſuch, I onelyonly judge the ſin) But this I ſay, we cannot bring any ground of comfort to the friends of ſuch (what ever becomes of themſelves) as we may to thoſe that have committed other fearfull enormities; I have more hope of an adulterer, of a blaſphemer, yea ſorcerer, then of ſuch; for of ſome ſuch I can certainly make good their ſalvation againſt all contradiction, but no man alive will undertake to conclude certainly of the ſalvation of any ſuch, and to prove it when he hath done, as have made away themſelves.
5. They are onelyonly a company of wicked and notoriouſly wicked ones in Scripture, who were given over of God, and left to fall into this Pit of ſelf-perdition, in this fearfull manner, as Saul, Achitophel, Zimri, Judas; Ne… ſum neſcius di…ing ni ſolcre inter foreign v… luntariam a deſperatione, vitae …aedio, Indignation…, &c. o…iundam, & foreign Brutam, quae ſaepe accidit furioſis, mente cap…is, Mclancholicis & inſanis, aut ſpiritu …liquo malo obſeſsis: in qui…us facultas ratiocinandi ita impeditur, ut abſque rationis, & communis ſenſus uſ…, fe…antur ad ſeipſos aliq… mortis genere perdendum. Hi voluntarii ſuiipſorum interfectores dici no… poſsunt. Vid. Dickſon. Ther. …ac. …. 1. …. 10.&c.
6. Whither can any think ſuch an act as this, ſo unnaturall, horrid and worſe then brutiſh, ſuch an helliſh act as this can lead, but to the chambers of hell? Becauſe it is not repented of, nor can well be conceived poſſible to be repented of; other ſins whatſoever committed in life, may, if not before, be bitterly repented of at death, and pardoned; God may call at the laſt houre, as the thief at the laſt g…ſp, and he is ſafe: But if Satan call at the laſt houre, and thy laſt act be ſin, where is thy hope of mercy? We can expect no pardon without repentance, we cannot rationally imagine repentance where the ſun goeth down in wrath: And therefore as we account Zimri, Coſbi, Corah, Ananias, Saphira miſerable, becauſe they died in their ſins, … know no ground to hope of their ſalvation; ſo what hope can we have of you that ſhall do ſuch an act as this? I like that anſwer of a Godly Miniſter in the Weſt, who being demanded what he thought of a man overtaken in drink, who fell from his horſe and died, he being ordinarily a civil man, anſwered, If ſuch a man as this ſhould go to heaven, it is no way fit for us to know it: and another ſaid in like caſe; If I were ſure it were the caſe of this man, the deareſt friend I have ſhould never have it from me.
7. Laſtly, know this, What ever thy apprehenſion is (that God hath left thee, and Satan hath power over thee, will not let thee alone, but compells thee) that Satan hath no ſuch power over thee, It is thy own voluntary and ſinfull act, Satan may perſwade, and ſollicit, and ſuggeſt the time, way, place, meanes, but he compells none, pray againſt him, reſiſt him he flies. If he could have done it, he had done it before now; Sad is the ſtory of Sebaſtian King of Portugall who engaging unadviſedly in his African War loſt the battle at Alcazar, loſt alſo his Kingdome, wandered diſguiſed, was diſcovered and owned at Venice, ſent priſoner to Naples; There thruſt into an horrid dungeon, and for three daies and nights there left without food, and had a halter and a knife laid by him, but highly is his fortitude and Chriſtian courage to be commended, who underwent all this, and choſe rather to undergo all calamities whatſoever, and to end his daies in miſery then to be the devils inſtrument to deſtroy himſelf.