A Treatise of Self-Denial, Chapter 2 · Section 3 · Subsection 6
SVBSECT. VI. Of denying Self in reſpect of our Relations.
THis is the laſt particular to bee explained, and I ſhall diſpatch it in a word.
1 Negatively, it is not meant that wee ſhould deny the workings of Natural affection towards them. God requires that wee ſhould love all men, Rom. 13.8, 9. even our very enemies, Luke 6.32.—35. and that wee ſhould expreſs our love by doing good to all men, Gal. 6.10. even to our enemies, Prov. 25.21. Rom. 12.20. now if wee bee thus bound to all, much more therefore to ſome; if thus to our enemies, much more therefore to our friends, to our kindred, to thoſe of our owne family. Wee are ſome way related to all men, in as much as wee are all of one bloud, Acts 17.26. and therefore we muſt love all, and doe good unto all; but there are ſome to whom wee are more eſpecially related, and thoſe wee muſt love with a more eſpecial love; the nearer the relation, the dearer the love, and the more endearing muſt the expreſſions of it be. And in this ſenſe that particular precept to Husbands of loving their Wives, Epheſ. 5.28. and to Wives of loving their Husbands, Tit. 2.4. muſt bee underſtood. To be without natural affection is made a note of the fouleſt wicedneſs, not only in the Gentiles, Rom. 1.31. but alſo in the profeſſors of the Goſpel, 2 Tim. 3.3. of whom the Apoſtle ſaith, that if any provide not for his owne, and ſpecially for thoſe of his owne houſe, hee hath denied the faith, and is worſe than an Infidel, 1 Tim. 5.8. The Phariſees taught the people (even as the Papiſts doe at this day) that if any one Conſecrated his eſtate to God, he was exempted from his duty of releeving his poor Parents; if hee could ſay to his Father, or Mother, It is Corban, that is to ſay a gift, by whatſoever thou mighteſt bee profited by mee, then hee ſhould bee free, and they ſuffered him no more to doe ought for his Father, or his Mother. But our Saviour ſharply reproved them for it, telling them, that they rejected the Commandement of God, that they might keep their owne tradition, Mar. 7.9. and that they made the Word of God of none effect through their tradition which they had delivered, verſ. 13. therefore that muſt be warily underſtood, which hee elſewhere ſaith, If any man come to mee, and hate not his Father, and Mother, and Wife, and Children, and Brethren, and Siſters, hee cannot be my Diſciple, Luke 14.26. Wee ſee it cannot bee underſtood abſolutely (Chriſt means not ſo) but only in ſome certaine reſpect, when our love to them, and our love to Chriſt are incompatible, I ſhall thus explaine it; Wee are to hate Father and Mother, Wife and Children, Brethren and Siſters, as wee are to hate other men. We are not to hate them abſolutely, ſo as in no reſpect to bear any love unto them, for we are commanded to love them, and to doe good unto them, even the worſt of them, as I have ſhewed above; but in ſome certaine reſpect, as they are enemies to God, and to our ſerving of God; ſo we not only may, but wee ought to hate them, and in this reſpect David pleads it unto God as an argument of his ſincerity; Doe not I hate them O Lord that hate thee, and am not I grieved with thoſe that riſe up againſt thee? I hate them with perfect hatred, I count them mine enemies. Now what follows? Search me, O God, and know my heart; try mee, and know my thoughts, Pſal. 139.21, 22, 23. in this reſpect wee are to hate our neareſt relations, and it is a ſpecial evidence of true love to Chriſt ſo to doe. And therefore,
2 Affirmatively, to deny Self in reſpect of our Relations is,
1 Not to connive at them in any way of ſin, if wee be Superiours. It was commanded in the Law of Moſes, If thy Son, or thy Daughter, or the Wife of thy boſome intice thee ſecretly, ſaying, Let us goe and ſerve other gods which thou haſt not known, thou, nor thy Fathers, thou ſhalt not conſent unto him, nor hearken unto him, neither ſhall thine eye pitty him, neither ſhalt thou ſpare, neither ſhalt thou conceal him; but thou ſhalt ſurely kill him, thine hand ſhall bee first upon him to put him to death, and thou ſhalt ſtone him with ſtones that hee dye, becauſe hee hath ſought to thruſt thee away from the Lord thy God, Deut. 13.6 - 11. That this for the ſubſtance of it ſhall bee in force in the times of the Goſpel, is fore-told in the Propheſie of Zechary, I will cauſe the Prophets, and the unclean ſpirit to paſſe out of the Land, and it ſhall come to paſſe, that when any ſhall yet Propheſie, then his Father and his Mother that begat him ſhall ſay unto him, Thou ſhalt not live, for thou ſpeakeſt lyes in the name of the Lord; and his Father, and his Mother, that begat him ſhall thruſt him thorow when hee propheſieth, Zechary 13.2, 3.
A Bleſſing was pronounced upon the Tribe of Levi cLevitae in punitione Idololatrarum, puta adorantium vitulum aureum, Exod. 32.28. Non miſerti ſunt amicorum & cognatorum ac fratrum & filiorum ſuorum, ſed occiderunt eos aeque ac alios, perinde ac ſi eos non noviſſent, imo non vidiſſent aut ad ſpexiſſent. A Lapide. Qui certe vergem ſenſus. Rivet. in Decal. 1. Tom. 1354.becauſe in the execution of Juſtice upon the Idolaters, Exod. 32.27. they had no reſpect to their neareſt relations, Deut. 33.8, 9. And of Levi hee ſaid, Let thy Thummim and thy Urim bee with thy holy one, who ſaid unto his Father, and to his Mother, I have not ſeen him, neither did hee acknowledge his Brethren, nor know his owne Children.
Aſa was commended for removing his Mother Maachah from being Queen, becauſe ſhee had made an Idol in a Grove, 1 King. 15.13. but old Eli ſharply reproved, and threatned with a terrible Judgement, for his too much indulgence to his Sons, 1 Sam. 2.27, 28, 29. Wherefore kick yee at my Sacrifice, and at my Offering which I have commanded in my habitation, and honoureſt thy Sons above mee, to make your ſelves fat with the chiefeſt of all the Offerings of Iſrael my people? wherefore the Lord God of Iſrael ſaith, I ſaid indeed that thy houſe, and the houſe of thy Father ſhould walk before me for ever; but now the Lord ſaith, Be it farre from me, for them that honour me I will honour, and they that deſpiſe mee ſhall be lightly eſteemed. Behold, the dayes come that I will cut off thine arm, and the arme of thy Fathers houſe, and there ſhall not be an old man in thy houſe, verſ. 30, 31. Hee had reproved his Sons before, when their evil report was brought unto him, verſ. 23, 24. but this was not enoughdD…bebat eos fuſt…bus & carcere coerce…e, quia erat pater & Magiſtratus. Paraeus in L…c. he was a Judge in Iſrael, and therefore ſhould have puniſhed them; which becauſe hee did not (being loath to croſſe them) therefore God threatens him in this manner here, and afterwards ſaith concerning him, Behold, I will doe a thing in Iſrael, at which both the cares of every one that heareth it ſhall tingle; in that day I will performe againſt Eli all things which I have ſpoken concerning his houſe; when I begin I will alſo make an end, for I have told him that I will judge his houſe for ever, for the iniquity which hee knoweth; becauſe his Sons made themſelves vile, and he reſtrained them not. And therefore I have ſworn unto the houſe of Eli, that the iniquity of Elies houſe ſhall not bee purged with ſacrifice nor offering for ever, 1 Sam. 3.11, 12, 13, 14. But ſuppoſe hee had been but a private perſon, and ſo not able to reſtraine them himſelf, his duty had been to have brought them to the Judge, for ſo the Law in that caſe required, If a man have a ſtubborne and rebellious Son, which will not obey the voyce of his Father, or the voyce of his Mother, and that when they have chaſtened him will not hearken unto them, then ſhall his Father and his Mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the Elders of his City, and unto the gate of his place, and they ſhall ſay unto the Elders of his City, this our Son is ſtubborne and rebellious, hee will not obey our voyce, he is a glutton, and a drunkard, Deut. 21.18, 19, 20. where obſerve, that they were firſt to chaſten him themſelves, before they brought him to the publick Magiſtrate.
And this God ſtill requires of all Parents, that when by admonition and reproof they can prevaile nothing upon their Children, they ſhould try what may bee done by correction. Chaſten thy Son while there is hope, and let not thy ſoul spare for his crying, Prov. 19.18. Withhold not correction from the childe, for if thou beateſt him with the rod he ſhall not dye, thou ſhalt beat him with the rod, and ſhalt deliver his ſoul from hell, Prov. 23.13, 14. The rod and reproof give wiſdome, but a childe left to himſelf bringeth his mother to ſhame, Prov. 29.15. Correct thy Son, and hee ſhall give thee reſt, yea be ſhall give deligt unto thy ſoul, verſ. 17. By theſe Scriptures it appears, that correction is an Ordinance of God, and a means by him appointed, not only in order to the credit and quiet of the Parent, but the Salvation of the Child alſo, and therefore cannot be neglected without manifeſt danger of his eternal Damnation. Now, what Parent that has any bowels of compaſſion in him, can endure to think that through any neglect of his, his Childe ſhould bee caſt into Hell? It pitties ſome to hear their Children crying here, but how will they endure to hear them roaring in Hell-fire hereafter? How will they endure to hear them curſing them at the Day of Judgement, and crying for vengeance upon them, for not reſtraining them from thoſe ſinful Courſes that brought them to ſo great a miſery? But to proceed, To deny Self in reſpect of our Relations, is,
2 Not to comply with them in any way of ſin, if we be inferiours. This was the ſin of Ahaziah, Hee walked in the wayes of the houſe of Ahab, for his mother was his counſellour to doe wickedly, 2 Chro. 22.3. This likewiſe was the ſin of Herodias, who upon her Mothers counſel asked John Baptiſts head, Matth. 14.8. Though with all humbleneſs and readineſs of mind wee are bound to entertaine the counſel and command of our Parents, and to ſubmit unto them, yet if in any thing they run croſs to the Counſels and Commands of God, wee muſt chuſe to incurre their diſpleaſure, and to undergoe the greateſt evils that can poſſibly follow upon it, rather than to yeeld unto them.
eActs and Mon. l. 11.1758A notable example of this wee have in the Story of Mr. Julius Palmer, a Martyr in Queen Maries dayes, who being perſecuted by the Papiſts, and turned out of his living, was brought to ſuch extremity that hee had not wherewithall to finde himſelf bread; whereupon he went to his Mother, hoping to obtaine at her hands certaine Legacies due to him by his Fathers laſt Will, which hee ſhould have received certaine years before; his mother underſtanding his ſtate and errand by two of his friends (whom he had ſent before to entreat for him) as ſoon as ſhee beheld him on his knees asking her bleſſing, as hee had been accuſtomed to doe, Thou ſhalt (ſaid ſhee) have Chriſts curſe and mine whereſoever thou goe. Hee pauſing a little as one amazed at ſo heavie a greeting, at length ſaid, O Mother, your owne Curſe you may give mee, which I never deſerved, but Gods Curſe you cannot give me for he hath already bleſſed me. Nay (ſaid ſhee) thou wenteſt from Gods bleſſing into the warme Sun; when thou wert baniſhed for an Heretick out of that Worſhipful houſe in Oxford, and now for the like knavery art driven out of Redding too. Alas Mother (ſaid hee) you have been miſ-informed, I am no Heretick, for I ſtand not ſtubbornly againſt any true Doctrine, but defend it to my power. Well (quoth ſhee) I am ſure thou doſt not beleeve as thy Father and I, and all our fore-fathers have done, but as wee were taught by the new Law in King Edwards dayes, which is damnable Hereſie. Indeed I confeſs (ſaid hee) that I beleeve that Doctrine which was taught in King Edwards time, which is not Hereſie but truth, neither is it new, but as old as Chriſt and his Apoſtles; If thou bee at that point (ſaid ſhee) I require thee to depart from my houſe, and out of my ſight, and never take mee for thy Mother hereafter. As for money and goods I have none of thine, thy Father bequeathed nought for Hereticks; Faggots I have to burne thee, more thou getteſt not at my hands. Mother (ſaid he) whereas you have curſed mee, I againe pray God to bleſs you and proſper you all your life long; and ſo (with abundance of tears trickling down his cheeks) hee departed from her, not knowing which way to turne his face.
There is one thing more that is required by way of Self-denial in reſpect of our Relations, and that is,
3 Not to adventure upon any Sin, either of Omiſſion, or Commiſſion for their ſakes, whether wee bee ſuperiours or inferiours.
fl. 11. 1415Rawlins White, another of the Martyrs in Queen Maries dayes, being led forth to bee Burned, was brought to a place where his poor Wife and Children ſtood weeping, and making great lamentation, the ſudden ſight of whom ſo pierced his heart, that the very tears trickled down his face; but he ſoon after as though hee had miſliked this infirmity of his fleſh, began to bee as it were altogether angry with himſelf, inſomuch that in ſtriking his breaſt with his hand hee uſed theſe words, Ah Fleſh, ſtayeſt thou mee ſo? Wouldeſt thou faine prevail? well, I tell thee, doe what thou canſt, thou ſhalt not by Gods grace have the victory.
gl. 11. 1464Maſter Bradford being in Priſon, one of the Earl of Derbies Servants came to him, ſaying, My Lord hath ſent mee to you, hee willeth you to tender your ſelf, and he would be a good Lord unto you; To whom Mr. Bradford replied, I thank his Lordſhip, but in this caſe I cannot tender my ſelf more than Gods honour. Ah, Maſter Bradford, ſaid the Servant, conſider your Mother, Siſters, Friends, Kinsfolk, and Country, what a great diſcomfort will it bee unto them to ſee you dye as an Heretick; Mr. Bradford anſwered, I have learned to forſake Father, Mother, Brother, Siſter, Friend, and all that ever I have, yea even mine owne ſelf, for elſe I cannot bee Chriſts Diſciple. And ſo much for this Sixth Sub-ſection, wherewith I ſhall here end the Explication, and ſhut up this ſecond Chapter.