A Treatise of Self-Denial, Chapter 4 · Section 2 · Subsection 2 · Sub-subsection 1
The firſt Direction.
1 BEE exact in the examination and trial of your own hearts and wayes for the finding out of the ſelfiſhneſs that is in them.
Self-trial is a duty neceſſarily requiſite to the practice of Self-denial. This is clear in that exhortation of the Prophet Jeremy, Lam. 3.40. Let us ſearch and try our wayes, and turn unto the Lord. To turn unto the Lord, doth neceſſarily preſuppoſe the denying of our ſelves; for there muſt firſt bee a turning from Self, before there can bee a turning unto the Lord. Now that wee may do thus (ſaith the Prophet) Let us ſearch and try our wayes; as if hee had ſaid, It is a grievous affliction and calamity that is now upon us, and ſurely it is not for nothing. Wee cannot expect that the Lord ſhould turn unto us in a way of mercy and bleſſing, unleſs wee turn unto the Lord in a way of repentance and obedience. Let us therefore conſider our wayes, if they bee not the wayes of the Lord, that wee now walk in, we muſt of neceſſity turn out of them before wee can turn unto the Lord, and this wee cannot do, unleſs wee ſearch and try them; for thoſe that are out of their way, and yet think they are right, will never turn back, but go on further and further, till they quite loſe themſelves. It is evident then from this Scripture, how needful it is in order to the practice of Self-denial, that wee ſearch and try our wayes; And certainly, if ever wee mean to do any thing to purpoſe herein, wee muſt make a thorough ſearch and ſcrutiny into our hearts and wayes, an exact inquiry into our principles, our rules, our ends, and aimes in all our undertakings, wee muſt throughly ſift our thoughts affections that wee may ſee what bran of ſelfiſhneſs lyes at the bottome: For how can a man deny himſelf, that doth not underſtand any thing in himſelf that ſhould bee denied? The firſt ſtep toward a cure, is to finde out the diſeaſe.
It would bee very advantagious therefore, and that which would much conduce to our ſucceſs in this work, to have much in our thoughts theſe two things; The poſſibility of being deceived, and the difficulty of the diſcovery: The one would provoke us to jealouſie, the other would quicken us to diligence.
1 The poſſibility of being deceived. Wee ſhould enter upon the examination of ourſelves with ſuch a ſuppoſition as this, 'There may be much more of Self in mee than I have ever yet taken notice of. It is good to have a holy jealouſie of our ſelves; this would make us very cautelous and wary in the trial of our ſelves; as when a Magiſtrate meets with a ſuſpicious perſon, it makes him inquire the more narrowly into him, that ſo hee may diſcover the better what hee is.
Object. But I have been of the opinion a long time that I have denied my ſelf, and have had much peace and comfort in it, why then ſhould I ſuspect my ſelf, and thereby create new troubles in my conſcience?
Anſw. 1. When the ſtrong man keeps the houſe all is in peace, Luke 11.21. So long as Self bears rule, and there is nothing to diſturb him, no wonder that all is quiet.
2 Some that have thought ſo, have notwithſtanding at the laſt found that they were deceived, Matth. 7.22.
3 It is more than probable, that thou art the man, becauſe that thou art unwilling to come to the trial, Joh. 3.20, 21.
4 Unleſs thou haſt very good grounds ſo to think of thy ſelf, it is but a meer fancy and imagination, Jer. 44.20.
5 The comfort that this gives, will quickly vaniſh, Eccleſ. 7.6. and leave the greater anguiſh and vexation behinde it, Iſa. 50.11. But
6 Grant it bee true, as thou ſayeſt, yet let him that ſtandeth take heed leſt hee fall, 1 Cor. 10.12. A ſelf-doubting Chriſtian will ſtand, when a ſelf confident one will fall.
Give mee leave therefore to ſet before you a few inſtances out of the word, the ſerious conſideration whereof may provoke you to jealouſie.
1 It is poſſible for a man to have a forme of godlineſs, and yet to bee altogether under the power of Self, 2 Tim. 3.2.5. For men ſhall bee lovers of themſelves having a iforeign ſpeciemant imaginem. Grot. L'apparerce. Fren. A lively image, or face of godlineſs drawn to the life.form of godlineſs. Self and the Form do very well agree, whereſoever they meet, for though to live in the leaſt ſin, cannot conſiſt with the power of godlineſs, yet to live in the greateſt, may conſiſt with the form of godlineſs, becauſe there is nothing in the form to contradict ſelf.
2 It is poſſible for a man to hear the Word, and to receive it with joy, and yet not to have learnt in any reſpect truly to deny himſelf, as hee that received the ſeed into ſtony places, Mat. 13.20, 21. Herod heard John Baptiſt gladly, foreign, ſweetly, Mar. 6.20 yet hee could not deny himſelf, hee kept his Herodias ſtill, and for her ſake afterwards beheaded him, verſ. 27.
3 It is poſſible to bee much converſant in the performance of the ſtricteſt duties, and yet to have reſpect to the ſatisfying of ſome baſe ſelf-end in all that is done; as they, Iſa. 58. of whom God ſaith, They ſeek mee daily, and delight to know my wayes, as a Nation that did righteouſneſs, and for ſook not the Ordinance of their God, they ask of mee the Ordinances of Juſtice, they take delight in approaching to God, verſ. 2. and yet hee tells them, Behold in the day of your Eaſt yee finde pleaſure, and exact all your labours! Behold you faſt for ſtrife and debate, and to ſmite with the fiſt of wickedneſs! verſ. 3.4.
4 It is poſſible to deſire and endeavour after ſpiritual gifts, and yet to aime at nothing elſe but ſelf-advancement in ones endeavours after them, as Simon Magus, Act. 8.19.
5 It is poſſible to be a zealous preacher of Chriſt, and yet to preach onelyonly out of envy and ſtrife, and not of good will, Phil. 1.15, 16.
6 It is poſſible to pretend much to liberality, and to ſpeak much on the behalf of the poor, and yet bee very covetous, as Judas, Joh. 12.6.
7 It is poſſible to bee zealous and active in reformation, and the execution of juſtice, and yet to do all to ſerve ones own turn, as Jehu, 2 King. 10.16.
8 It is poſſible to bee zealous in reproving of others, and yet continue in the ſame or worſe evils at the very ſame time, as the Hypocrite, Matth. 7.3, 4, 5. and the hypocritical Preacher, Rom. 2.21.22.
9 It is poſſible to bee very confident of cleaving unto Chriſt, and yet afterwards to deny him to ſave ones ſelf, as Peter, who, when our Saviour told the Diſciples that they ſhould all bee offended becauſe of him, preſently returned this anſwer, Though all men ſhall bee offended becauſe of thee, yet will I never bee offended: and yet afterwards hee denied him thrice, and twice with curſing and ſwearing, Matth. 26.70.74.
Many more inſtances might bee given, but theſe may ſuffice, to ſhew how eaſily wee may bee miſtaken in our ſelves, and our actions, and therefore how needful it is, to begin and to proceed in this work of ſelf-trial with a godly jealouſie. More may poſſibly bee diſcovered than at firſt wee could have imagined was in us, and yet when wee have done all, much will lye hid. And therefore there is another thing that ſhould alſo bee much in our thoughts, and that is;
2 The difficulty of the diſcovery. The heart of man is deceitful above all things, who can know it? Jer. 17.9. Two things there are which render it very difficult, Self-conceit, and Self-love. Naturally wee have a good opinion of our ſelves; though wee bee black, wee think our ſelves comely, and though it bee not ſo, wee would fain have it to bee ſo; and Quod volumus, facile credimus, becauſe wee would have it ſo, wee eaſily beleeve it is ſo. Therefore others more commonly ſee more of Self in us, than wee do our ſelves, ſpecially if they have an evil eye towards us, for enemies, though they bee bad judges, yet they are quick diſcerners, becauſe in them that affection is lacking, which in others blinds their eyes, that though they ſee, they cannot diſcern the faults that be in their friends. There is a difficulty alſo in reſpect of the thing it ſelf, which is to be ſought out, eſpecially if the wayes that we walk in be good in themſelves, ſuch as are commanded, ſuch as are commended in the Word. There is ſomething of Self will creep into the beſt actions, and there are many ſecret Fibrae, many ſmall ſproutings forth of Self, which but to an Eagle-eyed Chriſtian are undiſcernable. We muſt not therefore onelyonly look into our own hearts, and into our own wayes, but into the Looking-glaſs that God hath provided for this end, namely his word. This is no flattering-glaſs, but a glaſs that will truly repreſent unto us not onelyonly the face and complexion of our outward actions, but of the inward and ſecret workings of our hearts. And this work of examination muſt bee our daily work: Self-denial is a daily work, and therefore wee muſt try our ſelves daily. If wee are to enterpriſe any thing, it will bee good to examine which way our hearts work beforehand, that ſo we may not diſpleaſe God, by pleaſing of our ſelves, nor loſe him by ſeeking our ſelves. While wee are in the action, let us carefully take notice of thoſe ſecret overtures and aſſaies, that Self will bee ready to make toward ſome ſiniſter end, or other, that ſo when wee come to the review; when the action is ended, wee may bee able to ſay in this particular, namely that which tended much to the glory of God, Self was very backward; in that particular; namely, that which made for my own advantage, honour, or applauſe, Self was very forward; Self would fain have been doing here, but there, it would have done juſt nothing.
To help you in this Examination, put theſe Queſtions to your own Conſciences:
1 Whether you can reſolve before hand againſt ſatisfying your luſts (either by doing any thing that is forbidden, or omitting any thing that is injoyned) although for the preſent you have no opportunity for it or temptation to it. It may bee ſometimes ſuch a particular ſin comes into your thoughts, which but at ſuch a time and place, &c. cannot bee committed, both which for the preſent are wanting, and you are much preſſed in your ſpirit to reſolve againſt it; Now if you bee loath to reſolve againſt it, if you would ſtill be at an indifferency, if you be unwilling to come under an engagement, it is an ill ſign.
2 Whether you do effectually ſtrive againſt every known ſin, diligently making uſe of all the means you know to be appointed by God for the ſubduing of it, and carefully avoiding all the occaſions that may poſſibly lead you to it; if not, what may bee the reaſon? It may bee you are tempted to uncleanneſs, you will pray againſt it, but you will not faſt and pray, you will not keep under your bodies, and bring them into ſubjection by temperance and hard labour, &c. It may bee you will deny to commit the act of Adultery, but not to look upon a Maiden.
3 Whether you can deny your ſelves when you have an opportunity for the ſatisfying of your luſts, when you have a fit ſeaſon for ſelf-ſeeking, and compaſſing your own ends? Whether or no you can deny your ſelves.
1 In time of power and authority. Magiſtratus judicat virum, there is a great deal of difference in ſome men from what they were before, when once they are advanced into places of Power and Authority, becauſe that is a fit ſeaſon for a ſelfiſh man to ſerve himſelf in; but a ſelf-denying man is the ſame afterwards, that hee was before. See 2 Sam. 6.14. Neh. 5. throughout.
2 In time of advantage gotten over enemies. See 1 Sam. 24.4, 5.
3 In time of great danger, when either ſin or ſuffering muſt bee choſen. See Dan. 3.17, 18. Heb. 11.25.
4 In time of being in favour with great ones. God had brought Daniel into favour and tender love with the Prince of the Eunuchs, yet hee would not defile himſelf with the Kings meat, at his requeſt, Dan. 1.8, 9, 10. Heb. 11.25.
5 In time of great applauſe and honour. See Act. 14.14, 15.
6 In time of ſecrecie. See Gen. 39.11.
7 When your affections are eagerly ſet upon a thing. See 2 Sam. 23.16, 17.
8 When affronted and wronged and the paſſion is up, and you are bent upon revenge. See 1 Sam. 25.32.
4 Whether you can bee contented to bee denied by others.
1 It may bee in words you will undervalue your ſelves, but you cannot indure that others ſhould undervalue you.
2 It may bee you will refuſe places of honour, but not indure that others ſhould take the refuſal.
5 Whether you can indure to hear others commended, and to ſee them advanced without repining, not thinking it any reflection upon your ſelves.
6 Whether you can willingly and cheerfully bee inſtrumental in honouring of others, that ſeem to ſleight and contemne you.
7 When perſons count you no thanks, but render evil for good, whether then you can rejoyce in the good that you have done for them, and cheerfully go on to do them good, as before.
8 Whether you can bee content to deny your ſelves when none can take notice of it, as
1 When you bee alone, or in a ſtrange place.
2 When few do the ſame that you do, it being a duty not in faſhion, &c.
9 Whether you can deny your ſelves when it comes to bee your owncaſe. See 2 Sam. 12.5.
10 Whether you can deny your ſelves in little things, as meat, and drink, and apparrel, giving place to others, &c.
11 Whether you can deny your very Self-denial. See Luke 17.10. and 1 Cor. 4.4.
By queſtioning with your ſelves in this manner you may come to know what of Self there is in you, which is the firſt thing that is to bee done in order to the practice of Self-denial.