A Rejoinder to Mr Drake, Part 1 · Section 1
Sect. 1 THere is a poor Book of mine got into the Preſs, about the Sacrament, little in its bulk, leſſe perhaps in its worth, and leaſt in its Author. It hath pleaſed one of a Reverend title, to take ſo much notice of it, as to vouchſafe me a confutation. I humbly think my ſelf to be engaged to him for his labours, though his language is unacceptable, and grievous to my ſpirit. I muſt confeſſe it is not ſatisfactory to my judgement, yet muſt I thank him for his good will at leaſt, and charitable intentions. I perceive ſome of my friends are ready to look on his work only as a piece of ſpite, and product of paſſion, and have adviſed me to return him my ſilence, as an anſwer to fit him. But when I ſeriouſly look into my own thoughts, I find not my ſelf ſo ſlightly affected; and to ſpeak freely, ſeeing I know him not, I rather judge it to be out of zeal, though overborn indeed too much with ſome diſtemper, that makes him ſo hot and deſperate in his Exceptions. He is afraid that the temper of my Book, which is free and hearty, is ſo ſuited to the ſpirits of honeſt people, that it will draw them after my opinion, which he judges to be dangerous, and may do hurt to them, and therefore labours (in his diſcretion) to deface in it, whatſoever has but the appearance of humility, or ingenuity. A man may be more froward many times, than wiſe. As for the many revilings then, wherewith he ſo often bleſſes me, in the ſcatterings of his indignation, I profeſſe they move not me ſo much (though they grieve me too bad otherwiſe) in regard of the diſgrace, for I am beneath it, as they they do pleaſe me in two reſpects, 1. That this zealous man, I count, is ſo much the more in my deb…, which I deſire him to pay for me at the throne of Grace. And2. That if I ſhould be in any error, (which the more I doubt, the leſſe I know) here is ſome ſalve for it, to heal it in others, and expiate in me. For this cenſure, I truſt in the kindneſſe of my Saviour, ſhall be all the puniſhment he will lay upon me for my failings▪ and while I receive my evill things here, I ſhall hope for my good things to come, where my reproaches ſhall be turned into a reward, and the Book my Adverſary has wrote against me, be bound to my ſhoulder, and made a crown to me, by being ſanctified of God for a furtherance to his mercy.
When I read Mr. Drake at firſt, of all his expreſſions, it was that Text, Ez. 13.22. that went to my heart: Methinks I could almoſt wiſh I had never been, rather than do any hurt to the Church of God; and it were better a mill-ſtone were about the neck of my Book, than that it ſhould offend any of Chriſts little ones; for though I were thrown into the Sea, thy mercies, O Lord, is even there alſo! This made me look the narrower within my own breaſt, to ſee what token the Lord would ſhew me for good: Methinks I alwayes ſee much infidelity ſwimming over my heart, which may give ſome riſe, and ſecret occaſion of my overpity to ſuch perplexities I perceive in many about the Sacrament, when others can rejoyce to ſee their pious tears, and lay more ſtrictneſſe on it; I do ever ſuſpect the worſt by my ſelf: Now while in my addreſſes unto the mercies of God, and all thoſe billows of my ſoul that beat me to this ſhore, I found nothing lay ſo deep at the bottom of my heart, which kept me in ſome weeks ſuſpence, as the making my account hereof at the great day; I bleſſe the Lord for ſome refreſhings amidſt my ſorrows, perſwading me, that there is ſome true fear of God in my inward parts, though evil be preſent with me, Ro. 7.21. which I think once wrought in me in the days of my youth, if I remember right the love of my eſpouſals, when I was going after him in a Land not ſowen, but ſince have been ſtraying in a wilderneſs of ſin, wherein I were loſt without his mercy. O Lord, if in reading thy ſervant Drakes Book, … have not feared thy righteous judgement more than mans, and been more troubled about the good or hurt of mens precious ſouls, than the regard of my name, let my honour lie in the duſt, and my ſoul in aſhes; Let my repentance be conformable to my ſin, for it is great, O Lord, even where I ſee it not, and may be greater, in being hid from mine eyes till others find it: for as for thoſe many paſſages, wherein I am accuſed of pride, and cenſoriouſneſs, Thou knoweſt my conſcience is ready to acquit me, yet will I not acquit my conſcience, which may take part with my ſinful nature, but deſire thy mercy to clenſe me, and it, from all my ſecret, as known corruptions.
For the making my Apology, or defence againſt my Oppoſer, I ſhall humbly crave the liberty he has taken, not to trouble my ſelf too much about it. Tis true, ſome bid me give him no anſwer, His language deſerves no anſwer, but yet he ſhall have as good a one as I can give him. I ſhall only requite the freeneſſe of his words, by being as fre… from tying my ſelf to any ſmoothneſs of ſtile, or form of language, but what comes eaſieſt to my thoughts; wherein I will deliver, as God aſſiſts me, my very heart in this controverſie, being ready even to fall down and beſeech a tenderneſſe of ſpirit, in the undertakers thereof; for I am quite over whelmed with the fears that have got within me; On one ſide, leſt I ſhould hurt the Church of God; On the other, leſt I ſhould not endeavour the healing of the hurt, others I judge) have made, in the daughter of my people. It would be ſad to me, to make others ſad, though they ſhould not be ſad, if I did not make ſome rejoyce, that ſhould rejoyce. But it is much ſadder to lie under fears, we ſhould not fear, and have the bones broken, that ſhould not be broken. I have ſeen the teares of friends, I know the difficulties of ſome ſpirits, and my own ſcruples, and I do fear, there is no ſoul deeply tender, and doubtfull of his condition, can ever ſolidly have peace at this Sacrament, unleſſe it be allowed a means of Grace to examining Chriſtians, that find as yet they ſavingly want it. They came to the pits, and found no water, they return with the veſſels empty, and were aſhamed.
Before I begin with Mr. Drake, it will be requiſite to conſider in the way, how he is pleaſed to judge and deal with me, as if my whole book were only in oppoſition unto them, whom it leaſt thought of in many parts of it. Thoſe whom it orderly concerns, are, 1. All tender Chriſtians in general aggrieved about this Ordinance.2 In particular, the more ſcrupulous, that wholly neglect to adminiſter or receive, only for want of diſcipline; which I take, is doing evil that good may come of it, whoſe diſallowance is just.3. Weak Conſciences, made ſo by others ſtrictneſs, that judge the Sacrament defiled to them, if they eat with any but the Godly; I have ſeen ſome experience hereof, I pity.4. The more heady zealous Chriſtians, that cannot be quiet without ſeparation.5. Then in the laſt place, it is againſt any forms to be ſet up as neceſſary to our worſhip, which is but arbitrary and prudential, leſt it bring a burthen on ſome Conſciences, which like the poor, willing, humble Camel are even ſtooping on their knees to take upon them. Now a right diſtribution only of my Book, in the ſeveral paſſages to theſe ſeveral perſons and comportments, will turn the body of it ſo aſide to the blows of my oppoſer, that the moſt part of them may paſs by empty, and do it no harm. For thou Lord, art a ſtrength to the poor, a ſtrength to the needy in his diſtreſs, a refuge from the ſtorm, a ſhadow from the heat, when the blaſt of this terrible one is but as a ſtorm againſt the wall.
Now to come towards the work; In the entrance of Mr. Drake's Book, I meet with a cenſure; I am ſorry to ſee it. I will not ſay it is a piece of childiſhneſs or incontinency, in a man of his title, nor that it is a mark of modeſty in the forehead of it; but I do think that while he is ſo forward to be known among the Elders in the Gate, the more humble of his brethren are ſo aſhamed for him, that they may afford him Scarlet in their bluſhes. I could have wiſht him firſt to have ſpent a few leaves in a due examen, that a conviction might appear before his ſuſpenſion, which might have cooled him a little perhaps; even as the Romans were wont to bind up their inſtruments of puniſhment into bundels, which they called their Faſces, that the wrath and paſſion of the Magiſtrate (before whom in honour they were carried) might be aſſwaged ſomething in their giving judgment, while the Lictors were unbinding them.
After the Frontiſpeece, to omit the Preface, he begins his four firſt pages with a quarrel at the Title of my Book, An humble Vindication, &c. and then produces four paſſages for the World to judge of them, whether they ſavour not of pride, &c.
Anſwer, I am content, let the World judge, and think upon Chriſt; It is no wonder he cannot find in his heart to afford my Book its due Title, that is a going about to crucifie it. However, if any pious men are offended at me. I think it ſafeſt to crave their pardon, profeſſing in the preſence of God, that there was not one of theſe paſſages that came from me to my utmoſt memory, with the leaſt bitter reflexion upon any, but were the meer harmleſs daughters of invention; nevertheleſs, if the Mother be froward, the Child muſt do ſo no more.
And now I appeal to every godly heart; to take off from me, as to their aſſent, this raſh Cenſure, ſeeing there is none can be judge or witneſs herein, but God and my conſcience, who as to theſe particulars do clear me; yet though I know nothing by my ſelf herein, but my own fears, am I not juſtified, for there are many others may condemn me, without flying to his mercy. If my heart had not warmth, or zeal enough for ſome paſſages, nor eſtabliſhment for others, nor worth enough to ſuffer ſome things in my Prefacer. Forgive, O Lord, the iniquity of thy ſervant, who is more aſhamed of his ſinne, than to confeſs his ſhame, which none eyes ſee, but thine. And let not theſe ſcruples of my weak ſoul come in deriſion, but let me be contented yet to become more vile, while all applauſe of men, and vainglory, fall down at thy feet, and give up the ghoſt unto thy glory.