The Times Anatomized, Part 1 – Part 19
I. A good KING.
IS the Primum mobile of a Kingdome, the largeneſſe of whoſe Orbe moves all the reſt in their ſeverall places: The Sun, that not onelyonly enlightens the ſeverall Planets and leſſer Stars in a State, but alſo the whole Kingdom depends upon the influence of his good or bad Aſpect. All the inferiour Magiſtrates and Miniſters of Juſtice, receive their virtue and power from him, as the Moon and Stars their light from the Sun. A Kingdom without a King, is but like a body without a head, like a heaven without a Sun, and no wonder if all miſchiefes be perpetrated, when the light of Iſrael is put out. Needs muſt the Kingdom float in a Sea of miſeries, that hath loſt its Pilot, and a miracle is it if it ſplit not on the Rock of ruine: He is the vigilant Argus, that ſees all parts of the Kingdome: to overſee the under-ſeers. The hundred-handed Briarius to revenge, and right-wronged innocence. He is a mortall god, on whom the Almighty hath ſtampt his image in a more eſpeciall manner, with power and terrour. The very preſence of a King ſtrikes awe into men. How have ſome Traitors been dazled with the ſplendent rays of Majeſty, that it hath melted and mollified their iron, ſtony and obdurate hearts into an humble and meek reluctancy? The happy Reigne of a good King makes the whole Kingdome to proſper and flouriſh, withwealth, peace and plenty. For like the Sun, though hée move but in one place at once actually, yet is he virtually preſent in all and every part of his Dominions; diſpenſing his ſacred influence, as well upon the loweſt as the higheſt. Juſtice hath committed her Sword and Ballance into his hands. Wiſdome and Power ſupport his Throne, and Piety is his continuall Hand-maid.
II. Rebellion.
IS a poyſonous weed growing up in a Cōmon-wealth, by the fatneſſe of the ſoyle. It may flouriſh for a while, but the ſword of juſtice doth in the end cut it down, being whetted by time and divine revenge. It is a true Viper, for as the ſhee-viper biteth off the head of the hee, and thereby conceives with young, & thoſe young prove her own deſtruction, making their birth her death; and thus doth Rebellion when it hath bitten off the head of government, it proves its own deſtruction, and will be the end of the beginners thereof; And not ſeldom, it is m…de its owne ſcourge. For though Majeſty may be eclipſed for a ſeaſon, yet will it at length breake out againe into its force like the Sun in his greateſt brightneſſe, and diſpell thoſe miſty fogs and vapours that before had clouded it. Whileſt the two petty Combatants (in the Fable) ſtrove which ſhould overcome the other, they were both made a prey unto the royall Eagle: ambition and diſcontent are the two main wheels this Engine moves on, and becauſe it is ſo ugly in it ſelfe, that all men would deteſt it, it ſeldome appears but with a borrowed face for the good of the Common-wealth, and if it get hold on Religion, it flies (too truly) like wilde-fire.
III. An honeſt Subject.
IS one that fears God, honours his King, and meddles not with thoſe that are given to change; and without queſtion hee that is a good Chriſtian will be a good Subject. He hath learned ſo much loyalty from dumb creatures (taught by natures inſtinct) to ſhelter their wronged head with their whole body, as knowing that their life lies in their head. He hath heard that Subjects often are Adjectives that cannot ſtand without, and therefore ſhould not ſtand againſt their Sovereign: He loves peace: knowing that the ſowers of diſcord will reap deſtruction, however, in the midſt of Warre he labours to keepe peace in his own conſcience, being content with his own eſtate, and ſeeking not to increaſe it by unlawfull diminiſhing of others, for hee cannot thinke him an honeſt man that in publike loſſes goes away a gainer. Hee is ſo far from exceeding, that he can be content to be leſſe then himſelfe, accounting it more noble to be like the fruitfull bough, which ſtoops under a pretious burthen; then to aime at the eminencie of the fruitleſſe height of the pine tree. If his merits have brought him into the way of honour and preferment, they doe not there leave him; but he herein holds that maxime good, to keepe them by the ſame means he obteined them: and if he ſee undeſerving men preferred before him, he rather pitties then envies them, as counting it more noble to have deſerved preferment then to have it. When the the thrid of his naturall life is run to the appointed end, he leaves this world to enjoy a better, yet leaving behinde him the pretious balme of a good name, which ſhall preſerve his memory more ſurely to future poſterity, then the time-decaying monuments of Braſſe and Marble, which in proceſſe of time do molder away, and their glory obſcured in fewer years then ſome of thoſe ſumptuons Statues have been erecting.
IV. An Hypocriticall Convert of the Times.
IS a rotten Sepulchre, newly painted over with a colour of ſanctity. And now none ſo zealous as he, then whom before there was none ſo profane, but having drawne a faire glove of profeſſion over his foul hand. Hee now weares the livery of the Times; and all his policy is, if he can carry it undiſcovered: he is an eſſence needing a double definition, for he is not what he appears, but like ſome of the Spheres, that beſides their generall motion with the others, have a particular one to themſelves. Like a water-man that looks one way but rows another. But for all his out, he cānot change his inſide, ſo that he differs nothing from an Hypocrite, Without he is a ſevere Cato, but within a cruell Nero, like thoſe Dragons in Armenia that ſpit fire, yet have cold bodies: he is a Sheep-skin lin'd with Fox-fur; formall preciſeneſſe keeps the doore, whilſt profit and profaneneſſe lodge within, he hangs out Religion for a ſigne, but I take it for a ſigne he hath no Religion, like the Planet Mercury convertibly, good or bad according to his company: With the Religigious, hee is no leſſe then a Saint, and with the prophane none more looſe, but no foe to a falſe friend: the Devill is never ſo true a Devill, as when he is transformed into an Angel of light.
V. A Souldier of fortune.
HEe is a Salamander that lives in the fire of Warr. And is commonly a younger brother, for though the elder beare the coat, the younger beares the Armes. Peace is his greateſt enemy, for then he lies (like a fiſh out of water) out of his element. Honour and pay are the two main Engines that ſet him on going, hunger and cold march in the ſame file with him, and plunder brings up the reare. He ſhould be a Scholer, for he is alwayes is controverſies, bullets are his arguments, and his ſword a neceſſary concluſion. He queſtiōs not who hath the beſt cauſe, but the beſt treaſury. His onelyonly fiſhing is in troubled waters. His life is action, his food bloud and booty, his honour valour, and his end conqueſt. He is Peaces envie, and Wars darling: a horſe-fly ingendred of the corruption of a Kingdome, when too much plenty hath ſet men on quarrelling, and then he's a neceſſary evill to help let out the ſuperfluous humours, which hee effects by letting them bloud, till the loſſe of their bloud prove the loſſe of their lives. But the Citizens of Athens baniſhed a coffin maker out of the City, becauſe the cauſe of his mirth, was others ſadneſſe, and much reſembleth a Lawyer, whoſe wealth is increaſed by others poverty.
VI. A diſcontented Perſon.
IS a diſ-joynted member of the Kingdome, one that is falne out with the World, and will not be reconcil'd againe with it, hardly with himſelfe. He is always weary of the preſent times, not becauſe it is bad; but becauſe it is preſent. He extols & commends times paſt, and deſpairs of ever ſeeing the like, but is always deſiring of changes, like ſick folks; thinking unquietneſſe would procure reſt. Hee continually carries a cloud of diſcontent in his countenance, whereby you may judge of the ſtorms in his breſt. He makes all croſſes ſeem the heavier by his conceiting them greater then they are; being once thus out of tune himſelf, all his ſtudy is to create diſcords. Hee is an apt ſubject for Rebellion to work on, as hoping thereby to eaſe his own by increaſing others miſeries. All his ſpeech is invectives againſt Fortune: and like a froward child, becauſe hee cannot be happy according to to his own will, he will be miſerable in ſpight.
VII. An ambitious Man.
IS a Merchant of honour, ſayling in the Venture, and ayming at the Cape of preferment, his ſayls are fill'd with the wind of hope: but he ſometimes meets with a tempeſt, that caſts him away. Like a traivailer climing up the Alps of honour, on a ſudden comes a puff of croſſe-wind, that tumbles him into an abyſſe of miſery: but his ambition is to get unto the top, not minding the bottom: deſire to riſe, hath taken away al fear of falling. He cares not though he creep low, ſo hee may thereby riſe any whit the higher, and ſtill the more he gets, the more he deſires to get: for the greater draught of honour, cauſeth the greater drought. Hee is a meer bladder puft up with the wind of hope. Many times hee riſes high, and then like a Rocket in the ayre, breaks, and falls down to the wōderment of all the beholders. Envy and pride are his two wings, hee ſtill flutters with, to get above others. And when he is got up, he uſually throws down thoſe whom before hee made (as ſtaires) the meanes of his riſing. He is of a reſtleſſe nature, and counts every ſtay a loſing of time. Hee can ſayle with any winde, nay, with a croſs winde, rather then ſtand ſtill. Hee is a great incendiary, and ſtirrer of Wars, whilſt one like Pompey, can endure no equall; another like Caeſar admit of no ſuperiour. He wiſhes all things turn'd topſie-turvy, knowing that then, the firſt will be laſt, and the laſt firſt.
VIII. The Vulgar.
IS an untamed monſter with many heads; but like roaring Cyclops with one eye: attempting things with great clamour, but little judgment: not able to judge of things as they are indeed, but only by outward appearances. And therefore as the Sea is mov'd with every puffe of winde, ſo are they with every breath of their Orators. They regard not what is ſaid, but who ſays it. For let the matter be never ſo good, if they like not the Authour, 'tis worth nothing; on the contrary, let one of theirs vent nonſence, 'tis preſently cry'd up for Goſpel, but their love or hatred is (like a childes) wonne and loſt in an hour. For whom they now extoll to the Skies, by and by they'l cry down, as faſt as before they cry'd him up: And if they take head againſt a man, they run violently like a torrent to overwhelm him, without law, reaſon, or judgment: making greater clamour, then the Frogs in Homer, that would not ſuffer the Goddeſſe Pallas to ſleep, for their continual croaking. They are (as wee ſay of fire and water) good ſervants, but, very bad Maſters.
IX. Errour.
IS the Ape of Truth. A Labyrinth wherein mens judgements wander like men led by an Ignis fatuus, to their own ruine. It is an enticing Syren, that with its deceitfull layes draws men into an Ocean of deſtruction. The cunning Mercury, which luls the ſenſes aſleep, that ſo it may captivate the reaſon and judgement. A darke cloud over-caſting with its fogs and myſts, the bright Sun of Truth, and herein it gains infinite advantages over Truth, in that Truth is but one, but errour infinite, and every one going masked in the mantle of Truth, for did men ſee Errour in its proper colours, they would never entertain it: but every one that maintains any Errour; does it not becauſe it is an errour, but becauſe he conceives it to be the onelyonly Truth. Again, Errour is more pleaſing unto men then Truth, and therefore Errour findes entertainment where Truth is ſhut out of doors. It was the Delemma of the Philoſopher, If I ſpeake to pleaſe the people, I ſhall not tell the Truth, and if I tell the Truth, I ſhall not pleaſe them, but procure enmity: and therefore it is juſt, that thoſe that will not have Truth for their King, ſhould have Errour for their Tyrant, to whom their judgements ſhould be captivated and enſlaved.
X. Truth.
IS the food of the ſoule. The daughter of time, yet was the daughter before the mother. Simple without any mixture; not needing any artificiall painting, or decking with flowers of Rhethorick, but appearing moſt beautifull when naked and in its proper colours. It is the touch-ſtone and ſquare whereby to try all opinions and doctrines, the onelyonly Anchor whereon all things depend, and the Chart whereby we ſayle unto Eternity. It is a ſtrong Caſtle, which if we defend, will defend us; for though it may be beſieged, it can never be conquered; but like a pretious Minerall, it lyes not on the face of the earth, but inveloped in a multiplicity of errours. It is fitly reſembled by the Sun; for firſt, as there is but one Sun, ſo but one Truth, & as the Sun enlightens the eyes of the body, ſo Truth the eyes of the ſoule, and though it may be ecclipſed, it cannot be extinguiſhed; and ſo glorious is this heavenly light, that our weake ſight is daz'led with the ſplendour thereof: ſo that though man be ſtrong enough to deſire, but too weake to receive Truth, or at leaſt, not to hold it when received. A witty Fryer told the people, That Truth was like Holy Water, which all men call for, yet when it came to be caſt on them, they would turne aſide their faces: they that cry faſteſt for Truth, when it comes to them, runs faſteſt from it.
XI. A Self-Seeker.
IS a cunning Archer, that looking to the publique ſervice as the marke he onelyonly aymes at, yet ſquints aſide at his own ends, which is the true Butt, all the arrows of his endeavours are ſhot at. No man pretends more for the publique good then he, and yet no man can intend it leſſe, and well may he in ſhew advance that which indeed advanceth him. This is a dangerous crime in men of publique truſt, for ſuch leaks make the veſſels of the Common-wealth to ſinke. Like that notorious Pick-pocket, that whilſt (according to the cuſtome) every one held up their hands at reherſing the Creed, he by a divice had a falſe hand which hee held up like the reſt, whilſt his true hand was falſe in other mens pockets: Or as a cunning Phyſitian, that inſtead of lightning the diſeaſe, lightens the purſe of his patient, protracting the cure, to prolong his gains. A deceitfull Souldier, who under colour of the publique, fights onelyonly for his private cauſe.
XII. Pamphlets.
ARE the Weekly Almanacks, ſhewing what weather is in the State, which like the Doves of Aleppo, carry news to every part of the Kingdom. They are the ſilent Traytors that affront Majeſty, and abuſe all Authority, under the colour of an Imprimatur. Ubiquitary flyes that have of late ſo bliſtred the eares of all men, that they cannot endure any ſolid truth. The Ecchoes whereby, what is done in part of the Kingdome, is heard all over. They are like Muſhromes ſprung up in a night, and dead in a day, and ſuch is the greedineſſe of mens natures (in theſe Athenian dayes) of news, that they will rather feigne then want it.
XIII. An envious Man.
IS one that can endure no man to be happy, with, or beſides himſelfe; Nay, he had rather ſee himſelfe in miſery, then his neighbour in proſperity. He had rather goe to hell alone, then to heaven with company, yet is he the greateſt foe to himſelfe, for whilſt he wiſhes harme to others, it rebounds to himſelfe and good men like Cammomile, grow the better, for envies treading, it is but as a black ground to ſet off the luſter of their merits: & not ſeldome whilſt envy ſeeks to wound, it cures, bringing an Antidote inſtead of a poyſon. Like the Mirrour of glaſſe that reverberated the poyſon of the ſerpent upon her ſelfe killing her with her own weapon. Goodneſſe appears with greater luſtre through the black cloud of envy. The envious man feaſts like flies on others ſoares, anothers Comedy in his Tragoedy. He is never merry but at others ſadneſſe, and their cryes makes the only harmony in his eares.
XIV. True Valour.
IS a virtue in the ſpirit, which keepes the fleſh in ſubjection, for whilſt it overthrows its enemies it conquers it ſelfe, which is the beſt victory. It reſolves without fear, and acts without fainting, not daunted with multitudes of oppoſitiōs, knowing that the greater the cōflict is, the greater wil be the honor of the conqueror. It is a ſweet temper of the ſoul, not caſt down in captivity, nor elated in victory, wiſdome is her guide, and reſolution her companion. A good cauſe makes her truly noble, and pittie it is it ſhould have any enemy but errour.
XV. Time.
TIme is the univerſall Standard, whereby we meaſure Houres, Dayes, Weeks, Moneths, Years and Ages. A Rivulet of Time, which proceeded from, and ſhall end in the Ocean of Eternity, compared by that great Stateſman and Philoſopher of our Kingdom, to the nature of a River, which carryeth down to us that which is light and blown up, and ſinketh and drowneth that which is ſolid and weighty. It is the devourer of all things, the great Monarch that caſteth down ſome, and raiſeth others, with a kinde of omnipotencie and unreſiſtable power, for there is not any thing in the power of man can ſcotch the ever-circling wheele of Time. 'Tis neither force nor flattery can ſtop his full career. It is he that opens the windows of heaven to let in day and drawes the curtaines of the night, to ſecure the ſleepe of wearied labor. And ſo ſwift is his flight that we cannot diſcover it, till paſt. He is alwayes the ſame, and yet not the ſame ſince I ſaid ſo. The onelyonly ſubject of honeſt and lawfull avarice. But whilſt I ſpeake of Time I loſe it, conſidering that though hee is known to be, yet is his being unknown, for his name is better known then his nature. (⸪)
XVI. A Newter.
IS a very blank, wherein you may write any thing that will make for his profit. Hee is a meer Bat all the time of War, reſolving to lye hid till time and fortune have decided the quarrell; and then hee'l be ſure to have a Bird for the Conquerour. Fortune is his god, Machiavel his Prieſt, Time-ſerving his Religion, and his only Counſellours are Corrantoes: for by thoſe hee gueſſes which way the winde of Fortune blows, and accordingly (with the Hedghog) hee turns his Den. Hee is only a ſpectator of this bloudy Tragoedy, and will be ſure to reſerve his Plaudite till the laſt Act. What he ſhall be he knows not, nor what hee is, yet I hold him an Independent; for whilſt hee ſides with all, hee'l be ſure to none. Like a pair of Compaſſes, the one end of his owne ends ſtands faſt; while with the other of his ſpeeches he walks the round of every prevailing faction. He is a meer Polypus, always of the ſame colour of the ſide he meets with, for hee varies his ſhapes as often as his company; like an Adjective, that varies caſe and gender with his Subſtantive. Hee uſes Moderation as a fair maſque over his foul-face of Newtrality: but when hee comes to be unmaſqued, hee becomes then as ridiculous to all, as before he was odious. His diſcourſe is the very Almanack of the Times, for his judgment is as variable as Victory. Hee is of a very unfit temper to make a Zelot of, being neither hot, nor cold, but Lukewarme, which is deteſtable to both. Wee may well term him a Waveringman, for (like the waves) he is moved with the winde of ſucceſſe. Hee would make a very good Muſician, for hee ſtudies nothing ſo much as to keepe Time: keeping cloſe to the wheel of Fortune, which is ſomtimes broken on by ſhort turnings. Striving ſo long, to bend to all, till hee break himſelf. And ſo playing the Ambo-dexter, that hee becomes at length Ambo-ſiniſter. But I ceaſe to know further what he is, who knows not what hee is in himſelf.
XVII. A Turn-coat.
IS one that will be ſure to be of the ſtrongeſt ſide, and all his policy is, when the contrary party prevails to tack abont, and with a ſide-winde, to ſaile with them. For hee is always of the Religion of the Conquerour; if the more zealous party get up, then none more zealous then he; if the leſſe ſevere, then none leſſe religious. Setting his carriage to the tune of the times, though never ſo Baſe. The truth is, he abſolute ſoft wax, in which the laſt impreſſion always puts out the former. He is one that ſails with any winde; That will run with the Hare, and hold with the Hound. A meer Weather-cock, for by him you may eaſily know which way the winde of ſucceſſe bloweth: for the Times and him are Tearms convertible. He will be ſure to ſtand to his friend, no longer then he is able to ſtand, for like Vermin, his flight is a certain token of a falling houſe Hee never declares his judgment but in dubious Tearms, leaving himſelf a liberty to expound them as Times ſhall ſerve.
XVIII. A Moderate Man.
IS the temperate Zone of the times, quallifying the cold of deteſtible Neutrality, and the fiery heat of over-zealous raſhneſſe. Moderation is the ballaſt of his ſoul, which keeps him upright. He had rather for a time hide Truth in the cave of his heart, then by his weakneſſe, or the times wickedneſs betray both it and himſelf to the contempt of their adverſaries; as knowing that though Truth may be over-laid and buried, yet it will have a Reſurrection. If he live in ſuch a time (as ours) wherein two oppoſite parties pretend the truth, when but one can have it, hee reſolves with himſelf, not ſo far to reſolve with either, that his credit, but eſpecially t…uths, might receive auy detriment thereby. If Truth be manifeſtly ingag'd againſt Errour, hee then though moderately, yet ſtoutly holds himſelf bound to defend it. Hee is neither of an hot fiery, nor of a key-cold temper, but of a moderate, between thoſe two extreams, which is the healthfulleſt, & wil be the longeſt liv'd. But as Neutrality gains much by having Moderation for its vizard; ſo Moderation ſuffers more by having neutrality for its neighbour, yet may they be eaſily diſcerned, for Neutrality hath only its own ends for its ayme, but Moderation looks only at the Truth. Again, the Neuter is a wandring Planet, never ſetled, but the Moderate man is a fixed Star.
XIX. A corrupt Committee-man.
HE is one of the Wens of the body politique, that draws the wealth of the Common-wealth from its proper uſe; to the nouriſhment of his own baſe humours. Like the horſe-leech or the grave, he is never ſatisfied, but continually trying, give, give; He is one that under the authority of the State, impoveriſheth it. A licens'd Cheater, authoriz'd by Authority, which gives him a freedome to examine and meaſure every one but himſelfe. Like Lyca…n, hee devoures men, and turns his Office into an Office of Eſcheat, making himſelfe heire to every mans eſtate, under colour of the States ſervice. He deals with all that come before him, as the Gyant did with his gueſts, he fits them all to his ſize, for thoſe that are overgrown in wealth he cuts ſhorter, and thoſe that plead poverty he ſtretches longer. For the liberty of the Subject hee brings all men into ſlavery. This upſtart Ivie will in time eat out the heart of the Oake that ſupports him. Hee is a very good Chimiſt, for hee turns all things into gold, the maine engine of the Warre, and the pipe that conveys and commands all the treaſure of the Kingdome, but there's a crack of ſelfe ends that hinders it from going to the right end of the Kingdoms good. His very name is as terrible to the poore Countrey man, as the Inquiſition, ſpeaking nothing leſſe then commitment, for the Priſon is his rack, and an Oath the tormentor; whereby he makes men prove Traitors to themſelves worſe then ever, by the Oath Ex Officio. His will muſt be the Standard whereto every one muſt be reduced. The under Committees he uſes as a ſpunge, or as the Turks doe the Jews, which when they have gathered ſufficiently, he ſqueezes, and ſo the greater Thieves rob the leſſe, and both the Commonwealth. For his Religion, if hee have any, it is altogether for Liberty of Conſcience, but whileſt hee keeps looſe his own, he bindes all other mens. Nothing terrifies him ſo much, as to think of an accompt, 'tis therefore his policy to be an evil angel to ſtir & mud the waters, like the fiſh Sepia, that he may go away un-diſcerned, like a Thief in a crowd. Peace is as often in his mouth, as ſeldome in his heart, for like a corrupt Chyrurgion, he lives upon keeping the ſoare raw: as certaine the poore Kingdom muſt needs be a Patient that ſuffers under ſuch Chyrurgions. But how this foundation will ſtand, that is raiſed on other mens ruines, and built on others breakings, when the winde of Majeſty, and the reign of juſtice ſhall again deſcend, who knows? till then I leave him, if in the meane time his guilty conſcience doe not condemn him, and he himſelfe ſave the hangman a labour, by preventing him.