The Spirit of Bondage and Adoption, Treatise 2 · Chapter 41
CHAP. XLI. The Caſe of decayes in ſpiritual affections, deadneſſe, burthenſomneſſe of duty, and ſeveral others, occaſionally (thus far alſo) ſtated.
Object. BUt if it were well with me, I ſhould love, and delight in holy things more then I do. I find it a burthen to me, to draw nigh to God in any Ordinance: my affections, that ſhould be lively, are dead, and I know not how 'tis with me: but I find I am an unprofitable lump of clay, and there is little difference between a meer block & me.
Anſw. This caſe, I confeſſe, hath much diſcomfort in it. But (as diſcomfortable as it is, yet) it is not unſafe. Indeeed, were a Saints foundation of his own laying, there could nothing more weighty and conſiderable be objected, to ſhake it. But our foundation is the foundation of God, and that ſtands ſure, under our greateſt deficiencies & uncertainties. But to anſwer that which occaſions thy preſent trouble.
1. Troubled ſpirits have not ſo much diſtinct, and undiſturbed reaſon in them, as to find fanlt with the Devils Logick, elſe I could tel them 'tis a meer inconſequence that, ſuch or ſuch a ſoul is now dead, & lumpiſh, therefore it was never truly aſſured of the love of God. For the allowance of this conſ…quence, affirmes this falſhood [that it is impoſſible for one that hath had true aſſurance, to bee afterwards in a ſpiritual ſwound as to the excerciſe of grace or gifts in duty] which, that it is a falſhood, as black as Satan himſelfe that ſuggeſts it, the Saints of God from their own experiences abundantly teſtifie: and the Scriptures in the exhortations that they give to the Saints to blow up the gifts of God that foreignare in them, ſuppoſe they may be like fi…e covered with aſhes, and may look as if their fire were quite out: 2 Tim. 1. 6. And when they bid us quicken the things that are ready Apoc. 3. ….to dye, they ſuppoſe ſome life, even where graces are moſt languiſhing.Apoc. 3. 2.
Object. Yea Sir, could I be aſſured it were but a ſwound, I ſhould take comfort: but I fear I am quite dead, dead and buryed, and a great ſtone upon the graves mouth, that will never be removed, and Gods ſeal upon it too, that it may not be ſo.
Anſw. If thou werſt quite dead, thou wouldſt be paſt fearing it. But the preſent fear demonſtrates that yet there is life. Fear is a paſſion, that ariſeth from apprehenſion of an imminent danger. If a tower be tumbling upon a dead corps he fears it not, becauſe he apprehends it not, and apprehends it not becauſe he is dead. Nay, thy fear diſcovers that it is not ſo much as a compleat ſwound, that thou art in; but a palſey rather, ſeizing upon thy outmoſt parts, whiles thy heart is ſtill ſound and ſenſible. 'Tis ſuch an halfſleep as the Churches, when her heart was awake all the while, Cant. 5. 2. Methinks there are certain pretty contradictions in the apprehenſions of a troubled ſpirit. You ſhall hear him complain he is not humbled, when the very viſible brokenneſſe of heart in his complaints, confutes him: and he is dead, when he gives evidence againſt his conceit, by his paſſionate ſenſe of his condition. I ſhall as ſoon believe a child when he layes his head in his mothers lap, and ſays I am aſleep as thee when thou ſayeſt I am dead, and yet complaineſt.
Object. But my complaints ſignifie nothing, and my fears juſt as much as my complaints. I complain out of forme, becauſe I know not what elſe to ſay, when I am examined concerning my condition; I muſt maintain diſcourſe: and I am a notorious hypocrite in all this, therefore I pray you think not better of me then I am, for any thing you hear from me.
A. 1. Yet more contradictions! Thou art affraid men ſhould think too well of thee, and thou endeavoureſt to make thy ſelf as vile as may be, leſt they ſhould do ſo: and is this a ſigne of an Hypocrite?
2. Beſides, friend, let me aske you (and let your conſcience deal, faithfully with your ſelf and me) do you not come unwillingly to make theſe complaints to any body. Is it not the meere ſenſe of ſuch burthens, as, if you ſhould ſmother, would oppreſſe you utterly, that drives you to ſpeak theſe things of your ſelfe; and which (alſo) had not they been drawn from you by diſcourſe, you rather reſolved to have kept to your ſelfe? And call you this hypocrſie, for a poor ſlave under an intolerable burthen to groan to ſave his heart from breaking, by giving it ſome vent?
3. Take heed of hypocriſie rather in this evaſion, and others of the like kind. If it be hypocriſie, to endeavour to ſeem what we are not, then I fear complaints of hypocriſie many times are not altogether free from it. It may be it is not intended by thee to deceive Gods Miniſters and people, into a worſe conceit of thee, but it is materially no leſſe then I tell thee. Beware of it.
4. Tell me, doſt thou not tell God the ſame ſtories, as well as thou canſt, which thou telleſt thy Miniſter or fellow-Chriſtian?
Object. Yea, But may I not play the hypocrite with God too?
Anſ. Take heed of hearing falſe witneſſe againſt thy ſelf, and tel me again, Doſt thou not complain to God with an hearty and earneſt deſire of being relieved of the burthen of deadneſſe that oppreſſeth thee? Wouldſt thou not purchaſe deliverance from it (if God would put thee to it upon thoſe terms) at any rate?
Ob. Yea but 'tis but forme ſtill: 'tis but a diſcourſe for want of another ſubject to ſpeak of. And ſo 'tis in prayer to God, I muſt ſay ſomething, and I know not what elſe to ſay.
Anſwer, But why ſhould ſuch diſcourſe be more frequent in thy mouth then any other, both to God and man; were it not, that the matter of it is much in thy heart? out …f the abundance of the heart, the mouth ſpeaketh. Mat. 12. 34.
2. Diſcourſes that are of meere forme, are moſt commonly formed diſcourſes. But thy complaints, both to God and man, are rough-hewed, confuſed, diſtracted, miſſhapen things; it appears there is no Art in them, by the diſcompoſure of them, no forme, by their confuſion.
3. Either there is really in thee, that evill which is the matter of thy complaint, or it is not. If not, then 'tis worſe then a matter of forme, to complain againſt thy ſelfe. It is a ſinne, diſparaging to Gods free grace, and injurious to thy ſelfe, and may bee prejudicial to thy brethren. Soul-complaints are contagious.
If the root of the matter be …in thee, 'tis well thou diſcoverest it, though in ſuch a way. God may have a plot upon thee, to force thee upon ſuch a diſcourſe, as may tend to thy eaſe, and ſatisfaction. It may be Gods hand on thy ſpirit, not formality in thee, which produceth it now. It may bee, hee reſtrained thy ſpirit, and ſtraightned it to other diſcourſes, that hee might draw this from thee.