Letter 2, Letter
MADAM,
EVer ſince I had a reſolution to make a change in my life by Marriage, I have had thoughts of declaring my Reaſons for it; partly, becauſe I believed all would not be ſatisfied with it; and partly, that all might ſee. I deſire to walke openly and in the light, which, I conceive, is everie true Chriſtians dutie; but hitherto I could not attaine the fulfilling of my purpoſe through continuall diſtractions, yet now in ſome meaſure I hope to reach it.
Your Ladyſhip knowes, we have a command in the Goſpel, that all things ſhould be done to Edification; and according to this Rule, all that are faithfull ſubjects of Chriſts Kingdome ought to order all their actions, to the end, that all might be built up in the knowledge of their dutie, by the prudent and Godly example one of another, and none offended. And I may ſay truely, that by this Rule I have aimed to walke, that God might be honoured by all the undertakings and circumſtances of my life. But as juſtly can I ſay, that my heart accuſeth me of a careleſſe obſervance and purſuing this aime; and therefore, the juſtice of God may ſuffer my beſt actions to be miſtaken and ſo deprive me of the comfort of ſeeing others informed or ſtrengthned by my walke: Something of that nature, (I meane miſunderſtanding) I find in the apprehenſions of people concerning my late Marriage; and therefore I doe the more willingly take occaſion to lay down the Reaſon of my change from a ſingle life (which condition my inclinations preferred before the other incomparably) with great deſires, that if the Lord judge it their benefit, he would bleſſe my diſcourſe with giving them a right underſtanding of thoſe Principles, by which I ſee it neceſſarie that my actions ſhould be governed.
Madam, you know the End of our being is Gods glory, and that the ſame, and no leſſe, ſhould be the End of everie action of a Chriſtians life, and conſequently of Marriage: concerning which, that I may ſpeake diſtinctly and freely, I will tell what I apprehend it to be, and then what I conceive everie lively Member of Chriſt ſhould aime at, in entring upon that ſtate. For Marriage, I take it to be a ſolemne & publike Covenant between two, inſtituted by God himſelf, from whoſe intention in his inſtitution wee muſt diſcover the ſecond thing, which is, what the Aime of a true Chriſtian ought to be, in making that Covenant with another.
The laſt and chiefe End of God in this inſtitution (as I conceive) was that which he propoſed in the Creation and Governing of all things, viz. his owne Glorie, which he wills to manifeſt, as well in this inſtitution as in other acts of his Providence, by declaring his goodneſſe to his Creatures; which Goodneſſe is declared by ordaining a ſpeciall way for them, to be a helpe one to another for the advancing of his Kingdome in their owne ſpirits, that they may advance it in others, upon which followes their Eternall happineſſe, and alſo by making them a comfort one to another in this life, by diſcerning themſelves a helpe one to another for that moſt excellent End of advancing his Kingdome, and by that to glorifie him in his Sonne. This is the comfort which I beleeve, God intends true Chriſtians by their Union in Marriage, that their joy might ariſe from nothing below himſelfe. And certainly, none ſuch can have any comfort but in doing the will of their Heavenly Father; and conſequently, they ſhall have comfort in whatſoever is a helpe to that, though it be accompanied with never ſo many and great difficulties. Thus then, I ſay, wee may gather from Gods intention what our Aime ſhould be in Marriage; namely, Gods Glorie (for upon that our eyes muſt be perpetually fixt as upon the maine ground of all actions:) and ſecondly, as the Meanes to produce that effect, to be a helpe one to another for the advancement of his Kingdome. This in generall ought to be the principall Aime of Chriſtians in Marriage. (As for other things, which though inferiour, yet may have a conſideration in making that Covenant, I paſſe them over, well knowing few or none but conſiders them ſufficiently) which I have here expreſt, that upon that ground I might lay downe the particular Reaſons which induced me to Marrie, and thoſe briefly are theſe following.
Firſt, I conceive, that ordinarily a woman cannot ſerve the advance of Chriſts Kingdome in a ſingle eſtate, ſo well as being united to a godly Man for the above-mentioned Aimes. For ſurely if ſhe could, God would not have inſtituted that which would prove an impediment to the beſt way of ſerving him.
Secondly, I ſaw evidently I could not. For Marriage was for that End (ſo oft alreadie mentioned) propoſed to me, and more then ordinarie Meanes and Opportunities of ſerving C…riſt were made apparent tome, ſuchas the declaring of them would by ſuch as underſtand not ſuch undertakings be judged) vanitie at leaſt in me, and therefore I mention no particu…ars, but rather ſay, that I had long ſince bound my ſelfe to the ſervice of the Members of Chriſt, and from all ſelfe-ſeeking, as well by a particular vow, as by the ſea…es of the Covenant which con…rmes Gods merciemercy to us when wee are found faithfull in giving up our ſelves to live and dye unto God, and not to our ſelves.
Laſtly, I had ſeene a verie great hand of providence leading me to Marriage, manifeſted in many ſtrange paſſages and circumſtances, carrying me contrarie to all my owne inclinations to what I would faine have reſiſted; and withall I found, God denying me all the other wayes that I propoſed or ſought out for the fulfilling of that which I judged muſt be the End and labour of my whole life, namely, a Living to the ſervice of others without more reſpect unto my ſelfe then what was required to make me fit for that. Thus, Madam, you ſee the ground I went upon in this great change in the manner of my life; in my heart I wiſh, it may be ſo underſtood, that ſome may ſee the neceſſitie and benefit of propoſing Gods G…orie for the maine Aime of all the Actions and circumſtances of thier Lives, that ſo they may be delighted with the knowledge of the excellent Communion and Spirituall Workings betweene God and the Soule, which the conſtant performance of this dutie brings unto us even in this life, and that is the worſt I wiſh unto my cenſurers. Now, Madam, ſhould I ſpeake ſomething in anſwer to the Exceptions made againſt me, I feare prolixitie, and yet I cannot well omit to tell you, they are not better then carnall, and ſuch, as to either Gracious or Morall Men will ſoone be anſwered. They are, I perceive, two:
Firſt, That I Married below my degree.
Secondly, That I matched neither to a great nor certaine fortune: the laſt I confeſſe, the other I denie abſolutely; and that I may give my Reaſon for what I denie, I muſt conſider:
Firſt, our ſeverall conditions, relating the degrees of honour which God makes betweene Man and Man; and then that which Mans judgement makes of honour. As for the diſtinction of Equalitie or Inequalitie, which God makes betweene man and man; I conceive, it is onelyonly made in his intention by the imployment in his owne ſervice which he calls men unto, that Man being inveſted in his eſteeme with the higheſt degree of honour who is moſt truſted by him; and that Man is moſt truſted by him who is moſt immediately in ſubordination to himſelfe, ſet a worke for the effecting of the higheſt End, which he propoſed to himſelfe in the Creation and Redemption of Man. Now, if this be granted a truth, as, I thinke, it muſt be, it will eaſily appeare, that a man, called, qualified, & ſent by God, as his Sons, Ambaſſadour to diſpenſe the Miſteries of Mans ſalvation, that he, I ſay, receives the greateſt truſt from God, and conſequently the imployment which gives him the higheſt degree of honour. This was the Office our Lord Chriſt choſe to execute perſonally, when he refuſed the honour of governing an earthly Kingdome, & ſeeking rather that which came to him by erecting his Kingdom in the conſciences of men, where ſpiritually he doth indeed raigne as King. By this which I have ſaid, Madam, you ſee I judge my ſelfe to have married moſt honourably, although I ſhould confeſſe him to be no Gentleman which the world ſo much values; but he cannot be denyed the honour of being deſcended of both ſides from an ancient Familie, which even in carnall eyes makes an Equalitie at leaſt. For all that he is not come from the Nobilitie immediately, and therefore wants the honour of that Titular Greatneſſe, whoſe Originall at the beſt had its riſe but from humane Policie, and its ſuppott from the fooliſh Fancy of Men; certainly the honour of the title of a Lord wil not equall the honour which God hath annexed to his owne Ambaſſadors, neither in reſpect of the Inſtitutor, nor the End of the Inſtitution; the firſt being God himſelf, the End for his Glory, the other, Man, and the End his Glory, betweene which methinks very weake Chriſtians ſhould diſcerne a very vaſt difference: Much might be ſaid on this ſubject, and much more to prove even to rationall men, that there is no ſuch Inequalitie as ſome imagine, but it is not eaſie to fall ſo low in diſcourſe with Chriſtians as to debate things in a bare humane way, ſeeing that is not Gods way, and it is below our priviledge in Chriſtianitie.
The Second ground of Cenſure, is, that I have not advantaged my ſelfe by getting either a preſent great, or future certaine fortune; It is very true, I have not, nor doe I thinke that the thing in Marriage that was called to aime at (as I have ſaid before) For I believe the inheritance of Gods Children is in Heaven, where we looke to have eternall poſſeſſions, not on earth, and therefore not here wee are commanded to lay up our Treaſure, where we are ſure it ſhall not be permanent, whereas here wee have no abiding place, nor certaintie of any thing in this life, which is not ſpirituall: And this Leſſon God calls loudly our Nation to learne at this very inſtant, and ſurely he hath given me great cauſe in particular to ſtudy to know the duty of living by faith, which if wee did underſtand, we ſhould deſpiſe the reaſonings of fleſh, and blood, and keepe our ſelves in a joyfull conſtant dependencie upon God for unſeene proviſions, both for our ſelvs and poſteritie; neither doe we conſider, that God doth govern all his diſpenſations and their circumſtances in ſuch a way as all the wit of Man cannot make any alteration of additions or diminution to them; which it we did, we might aſſure our ſelves, both the quantitie and certaintie of the things of this life is in his hand to give, not in our power to take; or if we had it, not to keepe it. But alas, contrarywiſe, Men looke upon Eſtates, as things which we can make ſure to our ſelves, and judge them then onelyonly great, when there is enough to conſume in the ſatisfying their fooliſh fa…tacies by …ulfilling all ſinfull appeti…es, and obſerving every fooliſh ſuperflous cuſtome now taken up in practice, contrarie to the humilitie, moderation, and ſimplicitie of the Goſpel; but they that tend to perfection muſt be otherwiſe minded, labouring to ſhake off thoſe fetters that they may be free to worke in Chriſts Kingdome, and able to joy onelyonly in the increaſe of that & his power …n it. Here, Madam you may ſee, worldly Riches were not my Aime, and therefore I have them not, and yet I have enough to keepe me and my children from ſeeking neceſſarie …ood by this Match, to the diſtraction of which I might have beene all my life expoſed unto for ought I know, if God had not made Maſter N. inſtrumenta…l to prevent it: For ſuch who layd my condition to heart had t…eir owne ſtraits as well as I, and therefore I could not depend upon that few number; ſo that in concluſion, I bleſſe God for his ſeaſonable merciemercy to me, even in regard of outward proviſion. Let others contemne it as much as they will; that ſhall not take me off from the gratitude and value which is due for ſo great a merciemercy, as by eating bread of mine owne, in theſe miſerable times I enjoy.
I might here tell you, that I could not pay too great a gratitude to Maſter N. for his friendſhip to mee and mine, keeping us from extremities, when elſe for a long time we muſt have beene expoſed to it; but your Ladyſhip is no ſtranger to that; and it is an argument (though conſiderable) for my Marriage of an inferiour nature then what I have related, and willingly I cannot love to deſcend in ſuch caſes. And beſides it is not my Aime to Apologize or ſatisfie men to remove their cenſure from my ſelfe (for that I can eaſily beare) but to informe thoſe that are offended of my Principles. Therefore I will ſhut up this diſcourſe, with humbly begging your conſtant prayers, that I may be found faithfull in purſuing the Aime of my Covenant with Maſter N. that God may be glorified in, and over all the actions of
5 May, New-ſtile, 1645. MADAM,Your Ladyſhips moſt conſtant, faithfull, and humble Servant,
End of the text · John Dury, Letter 2 (1645)