Of Peace and Contentment of Mind, Book 3 · Chapter 14
CHAP. XIV. Of Jealouſy.
JEalouſy is much like Envy. In Greeke one word ſerveth for both. Yet are they of different nature. For a man is envious of that he hath not, but he is Jealous of that he hath.
Beſides they are of different extractions. Envy is the daughter of Pride, for to pride the envious man oweth the opinion he hath to be more worthy of the advantages conferred upon others; but Jealouſy is the offspring of a baſe mind that judgeth himſelfe unworthy of that which he poſſeſſeth, and feareth that another be more worthy of it.
Jealouſy is a various and phantaſtical medley of love, diſtruſt, revenge, ſadneſſe, feare, and ſhame. But that compound is not laſting, for love ſoone turnes into hatred, feare and ſhame into fury, and diſtruſt into deſpaire. Solomon ſaith that jealouſy is the rage of a man. Prov. 6.34.
The predominant paſſions in Jealouſy (for Jealouſy is many paſſions together) are, feare not to poſſeſſe alone what one loveth, and ſhame of what the world may ſay of it; this laſt eſpecially tears amans ſoul with extream violence; ſo ſlaviſh is the voluntary ſubjection of weake ſpirits under the opinion of others.
A wiſe man will keepe himſelfe from that ſharp yet imaginary evill, by a ſincere love to his party, for perfect love caſteth out feare. 1 Joh. 4.18. He that loveth his wife well will truſt her, and that truſt will make her faithfull, or nothing will. Fidelem ſi putaveris facies.
To that counſell of truſting his wife, the huſband muſt joyne a reſolution not to miſtruſt himſelfe. For here one may lawfully put on a good opinion of himſelfe, the queſtion being onelyonly to compare himſelfe with others about pleaſing a woman, which is obliged to ſtudy to pleaſe him; and cannot, without grievous crime and conceiving an enormous diſproportion of merit betweene him and others, beſtow upon them that love which is due to him. A husband betrayeth himſelfe and tempteth his wives weakeneſſe, when he diſcovereth a diſtruſt of himſelfe, and a feare that ſhe preferre other men before him. This ſheweth her the way to value them above her husband, and ſhe thinkes herſelfe juſtified ſo to do by her husbands judgement.
He muſt learne alſo to be credulous for his owne content, and of hard beleefe in the cauſes of diſcontent. For here it is better to be deceived in evill then in good, and it is better alwayes not to ſearch an evill without remedy, then to finde it; eſpecially when by ſeeking it, we make it come. The diſhonour of cuckoldry conſiſting onelyonly in opinion, it is healed alſo with opinion, and he that feeles it not, hath it not.
This inconvenience is prevented by making choice of a vertuous wife, and uſing her well, for reſtraint and hard uſage doth but draw the evill; Alſo by keeping us free from defiling our neighbours bed; This will give us a great confidence that God will not ſuffer any to defile ours; Moſt jealous men are adulterers, fearing what they have deſerved.
But when one hath made an ill choyce, neither kindneſs, nor juſtice, nor prudence, can keepe a light and ungratefull woman to her duty; When the wrong is ſo manifeſt, that it is impoſſible for the husband not to know it, and diſſembling would be imputed to inſenſibility or even to conſent; the right counſell for the exteriour is, to be divorced from a wicked wife. But if one can neither marry againe, nor live without a woman, and feareth that he ſhall hardly be able to keep himſelfe from harlots; of all harlots let him make uſe of his owne. It is better yet to keepe a lawfull whore, then an unlawfull.
As for counſels for the interiour, one muſt practiſe the grand remedy to remedileſſe evils, patience. God, in this as in other ſorrowes of life, will finde wayes of comfort & reliefe for thoſe that truſt in him, even where there is no way: The good company of ſo many brave men that are in the ſame row, is a help to beare it. A wiſeman will make no more ſtrange of it, then of wearing a hat a la mode.
He muſt keepe faſt to that true Maxime, that he cannot be diſhonoured but by his owne faults, not by the faults of another. A vertuous mans honour hangs not upon a light womans behaviour. If it did, it ſhould lye very unſafe. No more doth it depend upon his neighbours opinion. Perſons of honour and judgement will never diſeſteeme an honeſt man for it. And as for the talk of the vulgar, honour and good fame depend no more of it, then of the gabbling of geeſe.