The Grand Trial of True Conversion, Errata – Text
ERRATA.
PAge 16. read foreign. p. 17. r. foreign. p. 21. line 5. for firſt r. fifth. p. 25. l. 10. r. Principle. p. 26. l. 15. for any, r. my. p. 37. l. laſt, r. ſoftned. p. 40. l. 5. r. man. p. 41. r foreign. l. 23. r. out of. p. 42. l. 22. for he, r. ſhe. p. 45. l. 2. for and, r. an. p. 53. r. foreign. l. 19. for giving, r. gaining. p. 65. r. foreign. p. 69. l. 3. for they, r. their. p. 75. r. foreign. p. 76. r. foreign. p. 78. r. foreign p. 83. l. 7. r. preſumptuous principles p. 89. l. 8. for proud r. prone. p. 94. l. 23. for proclamations, r. provocations. p. 95. l. 16. r. preſumptuous thoughts men. p. 98. l. 25. dele and. p. 99. l. 27. r. alone good. p. 100. l. 10. r. primarily. p. 103. l. 3. for to, r. of. p. 104 l. 3. for immediatly, r. immenfly. p. 111. l. 10. for is, r. his. p. 115. r. foreign. l. 20 for ſurely, r. freely p. 117. l. 22 for with, r. in. p. 118. marg. for ira. r. ire. p. 126. l. 3. r. comfortleſſe. p. 130. l. 25. for inclinations r. valuations. p. 137. l. 26. for main, r. vain. p. 138. l. 29. r. diſpenſed. p. 143. l. 20. for and, r. but. l. 28. r. they that. p. 147. l. 11. for is, r. a. p. 164. l. 22. r. with his great. p. 166. l. 14. for fooliſhneſſe, r. lowlineſſe. l. 20 for gifts, r. graces. p 171. l. 17. r. reveted. p. 173. l. 4. for daily, r. eaſily. l. 30. r. prone. p. 178. l. 5. r. affectation p. 179. r. foreign. p. 180. 1, foreign. p. 181. r. foreign. p. 182. r. foreign p. 184. l. 17. r. inward. l. 29. r. ſhame. p. 199 l. 19. for firſt, r. fifth. p. 203. l. 10 r. overflow. p. 240. l. 3. r. they. p. 257. l. 5. for of, r. and. p. 263. l. 23. r. true of. p. 171. l. 13. dele firſt. p. 272. l. 13. r. laſt place. p. 318. l. 1. r. as the ſpring, actions and ſpeeches as ſtreams. p. 319. l. 23. r. morall. p. 343. l. 9. r. where. p. 344. l. 2. r. renewed. p. 369. r. foreign. p. 375. r. foreign. p. 411. r. foreign.
Mr Biſco Of the Myſtery of Free Grace.
Mr Biſco's Treatiſe of the Thoughts.
The Man in the MOONE Diſcovering A Word of Knavery under the SVNNE.
Knaves her's amongſt you.
Stand honeſt men and you ſhall heare,
How many Knaves will ſoone appeare,
Their paſſage and their chiefe deceit,
I am intended to repeate:
London, Printed for Charles Tyus, at the three Cups on London-bridge 1657.
The Man in the MOONE
WHoop ſir, who comes here? O tis my fat bellyed Hoſt, with his Furkin o… foul Kitchinſtuff, now cal'd my Landlady; O what a bulk of Tallow do they carry about them? enough to ſerve all the Kitchinſtuff-Tubs about London: My Hoſteſſe (forſooth) ſhould have béen a Scrivener, for ſhe wrights a very faire hand, after a large account; thoſe that are her gueſts had better pay them ready mony, then to let pale-fac'd chalk ſtand as a witneſſe at the Bar, For my Landlady hath taught her ſcore the Art of Perjury, that whoſoever deales with chalk ſhall prove him to be a Knight of the poſt, and tis becauſe hée's a ſworn ſervant to Guts and Garbidge.
Stand off Maſter Horſecourſer, what do you mean to ride over me▪ The nim…le Ia…e that you ride on has béen … good Hackney, and now to cozen your Chap-men you have let him blood, gave him a drinch, And put a live Eale in his belly; this makes him pr…ce and leap as if the D…vell were in him. But if the Horſe …new my mind, and would toſſe you out of the Saddle, and break your neck, intr…th I would pay for your ſupper, and …i… a farewell to misfortune, but by ſuch an Accident ſhe Hangman would looſe both mony and a good ſuit of cloaths, and the Gallows want her due. O you are very well guifted for the order of your Trade you'l ſwear and lye with ere a whore in England, before you'l bait one peny of the price. And wil avouch one of your new molded ſpittles to be as faſhionable a horſe as any is in England.
What I hear Maſter Confidence, O he's a Student at Law. for when fools fall out then Knaves proſper; the good caſh out of ſome troubleſome Curmudgions pockets makes the Lawyers laugh like a Carpenters dog with a rule in his mouth: whoſoever féeds the crafty Lawyer fat; ſhall beſure to go with an empty belly: and if you ſtarve your cauſe, you ſhall not have one jot of Law to help you: if you ſue under form of paperous, your deſperate caſe will be thrown over the Bar, like a perjerd Lawyer then may ye come home by wéeping croſſe, and ſing the Lamentation of a bad Market.
O the Baker beware of the Pillory, I promiſe you you were ſomething néer the matter, O men of uneven ſize, Whoſe conſciences are ſeard as hot as a new baked twelve peny loaf you muſt have the Governers of the Citty to look to your light weights, and light bread, you teach ſo fair an example for lightneſs, that ſome of your wives cannot chuſe but be light, and make your horns too heavy for your heads, I'd wiſh you mend your hand, elſ the poor prentices (whoſe guts cryes Cubert) will curſe you for the ſmall hapeny Loaves as they have for their breakfaſt.
Stand ſquare ſir, what doth your brains turn round like a Wind-mill? Thou ſeameſt to be a kind of an upright man, but I fear thou art a white Divell. O thieviſh Raſcall, thou haſt never a true finger on thy hand, (except it be thy thumb) nay this is not all, for thy T…le-diſh of it ſelf is conſcionable, but when a handſom girle comes to the Mill to have her gryſt ground, ſtra…t your man Thomas (as you call it) is ready mounted and with your fair words & promiſing her gryſt tole-frée, you lay her down upon a bawdy ſack, and enter into her con, cupiſence: She as merry as the Maids runs home and tells her mother how the Miller had took no tole, but in half a year after ſhe is queaſie-ſtomackt, like a Gréenſickneſſe Girle newly come to a big belly, then her mother (forſooth) muſt carry her daughters water to ye Doctor, for ſhe complains of a Tympany, which makes her ſo ſwell about the middle, but the concluſion of all brings the Millers knavery to light, by the help of a Midwife.
Hey toſſe whats here? the picture of ill Luck, one that looks as if he had ſuckt his dam through a hurdle, O tis a Saint of the times, cal'd Porridge John, a great conſputer, alwayes carring a Bible under his Arm, but never makes no uſe on't, unleſſe it be to vamp his own Opinion, And though it be never ſo falſe, it muſt ſtand for poſſitive truth, this fellow is a Divelliſh Cormorant, for at one breakfaſt in conciet he is able to ſwallow the greateſt Church in England, the miniſter, Clerk, Bells, ſtéeple and all: his maw is the ſimilitude of hell, nay for an ordinary colation he muſt have a twelve peny Loaf, a dozen of ſhéeps heads, And four Gallons of Porridge to ſtop his ungodly guts, The Butch…rs dogs of Smithfield-bars have cauſe to curſe him for devouring their panches, O he's a filthy ſwinyard, and if ſuch fellows as theſe are the only Saints, ſure enough the Divel has brought his hags to a fair Market.
Hey day, what more knaves ſtill? have a care ſirra of your trappanning, leſt you'r clapt in a wooden pound for't, & ſo is forc'd to take a view of the pictures at the Exchange, and to be a Surveyer of Leaden hall Market. when your face wil be daub'd with rotten Eggs: to make you look like a ſhitten clout or a ſodden ſhéeps head. This Trappan is an errant pollitick Raſcall, let al men defie him, as they do the Divel. for if he catches you in his clutches, hée'l have no more mercy of you, then a dog of a Bear, or a Divel of a damn'd ſoul, his deceit, cunning and craft is ſo much, that it is not eaſily to be reckoned if Morbus Gallicus do not ſeaſe upon his bones, I do much marvel, for he kéeps company with none but common whores and to be ſure before he'l leave off his trade he'l take up a worſe where in time he may wear the Threecorner-cap at Tyborn, and ſmel the hot cakes at p…ddington.
O Maſter broaker, that has remov'd two times without a Habies Corpius, from Long-lane to Houndſ-ditch, And from Hounſditch into Charterhouſe lain, this fellow bites the poor to death for whereas the good Act of Parliament, alows them ſix in the hundred, theſe Milaters of the Law, raiſes it to forty pound in the hundred Racking of their Debters intollerably; Making no more conſcience of his wayes, then a prick ear'd Saint doth to lye with his ſiſter, O this fellow is a publick enemy to the State, And whereas thievs deſervs hanging for ſtealing, ſo brokers deſerves hanging for Extortion, let him go, and the Divel and ſix pence go with him, then he ſhall have mony and company, the cruelty of this hell hound firſt cauſ'd this Proverb to be in uſe, That a cunning knave needs no broker.
How now Maſter Spruce, you have plaid the taylor ſurely, you have got you New Clo…ths, new hat new ſhooes; and ſtockins, new band and Cuffs, and a new ſhirt, but I wonder whats become of all the Army that marcht under your command, have you removed their quarters only at preſent til all your new things goes to Miſtris Lavender, then your old boſom friends muſt be again your chiefeſt Companion, Well taylor, well, thou haſt a fine Art in cutting thrée ſléeves, for two, and caſting one into hell, And bid the Divel take it, for you are oft troubled with ſuch trifles, powder béef will not ſerve your turn, but you muſt have cabbidge with it, this is a cuſtom that belongs to taylers, as the laſh doth to a Bridewell-bird.
How now Maſter Doore-Kéeper, I ſée you are a kind of a plain-fac'd gentleman, now ſince you came from Kingsland Colledge, and took your degrées in a hot-houſe, what though you have loſt your Pimping place, now Damerus Page ſings in New-gate you may live well enough with ketching of Mice againſt a wall. it will not hurt your noſe, nor be offenſive to the Common-wealth; it was the uſing of Venus trade exceſſively that caus'd the bridge of your noſe to fall, and your head to have a bal'd crown, there went the haire away, and now you muſt turn Fidler and get a ſound poaſt to prop up your noſe, elſe your muſick will play nothing but the running of the Rats in Smithfield.
What's here Jeremy's Ghoſt. a coarſe rais'd from the dead, or an ayre ſpirit covered in a black ſuite, O Pinch-out the Vſurer, that hunger ſnouted raſcall, who hath got a Red Herring a broyling in his boſome to ſerve him for his dayes dyet: good Maſter ſave charges let me perſwade you to relieve the poore, if not to be liberal to your ſelfe and your friends and not to goe créeping about like a wandring Iew, looking as bleak in the face at winter as a wither'd face Band doth that hath béene carted upon a Shrove Tueſday: why will you ſtarve your guts to increaſe your riches? doſt thou not know when thou art gon all's gone? ſpend frée with moderation, for that which is got over the Divels back wil be ſpent over the Dams belly: ſtand back with your ſhort knife, your Mills and Iills and your impudent bulks that ſtare a man in the face whilſt another picks his pocket, you have learn'd the ſlight of hand and can conjure better then any hocus pocus in England, you have your art at your fingers ends, as if you had ſerv'd ſeven years to the trade, and ſo come to be Frée-men of the City, being ſworne at the Old dayly, your names is recorded at Newgate, your Copy ſeal'd with a Roman T. and your Indenture at laſt hang'd upon the files of Tyburn and there's an end of a bad Market.
Stand off Maſter Ketch-po…e, you that can with your falſe warrants and counterfeit Writs to arreſt poore ſenceleſſe men that cannot read your ſubtilty, this knave is merciles, for if you fall into his clutches he drags you to Lobs pound as round as a hoope, give him his fées and that will ſtop his mouth, but without mony you muſt to Priſon and there lye and perriſh if the Creditor be no more mercifull then the Bayliffe: theſe kind of people are the Common-wealths Cormorants, that devoure whole Families at a Mouth-full, they have abundance of exploits, deceits, cunning, craft, treachery, traps, ſnares, falſe-hood, and perjury, that it is good for an honeſt man (if he can) to kéepe out of their company.
How now, what art thou whoſe head hangs down like a Bul-ruſh? O it's a Knight of the Poſt, a publike and a common for ſworne Varlot this fellow for 12. pence ſhall ſweare the richeſt man in England out of his eſtate, and oaths goes down with him as eaſie as a Sow ſucks a Tub full of waſh, and hath as good an appetite to forſweare himſelfe as a big-bellied Woman long… for Butter-milk.
H… makes no Oates of his Oathes, as a horſe does of chap hay, but with him they have as good a digeſture as the beſt meales meat a man can eat at a table, a Halter ch…ak him and all thoſe that are of his generation: and whilſt knaves doe either hang or mend let all honeſt men ſing with me this wholſome Ditty, called, an Item for honeſt men,
The tune is, Ragged and Torne.
O What a mad world is this,
that Knaves are in every Towne,
For right muſt often t…ke wrong,
ſince honeſty is thrown down:
The weakeſt muſt goe to the wall,
the ſtrongeſt themſelves can defend,
And poore men muſt pay for all;
for their troubles will never have end.
Yet knavery ſtill I defie,
for I ſcorn to be of their crew.
Though others doe flatter and lye,
I'm ragged and torn and true.
I will not be like to mine hoſt,
that alwayes enlargeth his ſcore,
Nor yet a grand knight of the poſt,
nor pimp for to wait on a whore:
Theſe callings are wicked and bad,
and none but grand knaves that do uſe it,
Whilſt honeſty ſets very ſad,
'tis pitty that knaves ſhould abuſe it,
For I ſtill doe knavery defie, &c.
The Lawyer and Broker are evill,
the Millers a leacherous thiefe,
The Uſurer clings to the Divel,
and the Taylor gets Cabbidge and beefe
Theſe all are expert in their trades,
and know how to ſhirk and to ſhift,
But thoſe are the merrieſt blades
that helpes a dead man at a lift,
Yet knavery, &c.
The …aker and diveliſh Trappan,
the File-cly and Ketchpole agree,
To undoe and wrong every man,
ſo wicked and bad now they be:
They lay their traps and their Gins.
and every politick ſnare,
Is laid to break poore mens ſhins,
unleſſe you doe take ſpeciall care.
But knavery ſtill I defie, &c.
Then Item I'de have you beware
of thoſe that diſſemblers be,
And thoſe that ſpeakes wondrous faire. whoſe hearts and their tongues diſagree
With Item take heed of your foes, and thoſe that pretend are your friends
For you may want mony and clothes, when as they have ſerv'd their own ends
And Item ſtill knavery defie, and all that belong to the crew.
A penny theſe Items will buy, and ſo I doe bid you adieu.
S. S.
FINIS.
End of the text · John Bisco, The Grand Trial of True Conversion (1655)