A Treatise of Conversion, Chapter 1 · Section 22
SECT. XXII.
6. THe next Passion that sheweth the change, is Anger: This is a single Passion, and hath no Contrary. Before Conversion men are angry with those that trouble them in their sins. If you would but teach the Ignorant, or perswade the obstinate, or cross them in the way of their beloved sins; Oh, how angry will they be! as if you were their enemy, and did them some deadly hurt. You cannot speak to them so tenderly in a Reproof, but they will think you do it to disgrace them, or in ill will to them, or at least that you make them worse then they are, and they think you make more ado then needs: as Amaziah did by the Prophet, 2 Chron. 25. 16. They would stop his mouth if they could, who would stop their course of sinning. You shall not see one of many of them, that have so much Ingenuity, as to take a close reproof in good part: no not from a Minister, whose calling doth specially bind him to it. Hence is the common Indignation that we meet with from poor blind wretches, when we do but our duty. Nay, when we do not half, nor the tenth part of our duty in perswading them to a greater care of their salvation, they are offended with us, as if we did too much. Oh, what a difference is there between their judgement and the Judgement of God, and our own conscience! and what a straight a poor Minister, or private Christian must needs be in between both! I confess to you all here, to my shame, that I remember no one sin the world, that my conscience doth so much accuse and judge me for, as for doing so little for the saving of mens souls, and dealing no more servently and earnestly with them for their Conversion, or Reformation: and yet every body is not pleased with that little which I do. I confess to you, that when I am alone, and think of the case of poor, ignorant, worldly, earthly, unconverted sinners, that live not to God, nor set their hearts on the life to come, My conscience telleth me, that I should go to as many of them as I can, and tell them plainly, and roundly what will become of them, if they do not turn; and to beseech them with all the earnestness that I can, to come in to Christ, and change their course, and make no delay. And though I have many excuses come in, from other business, and from disability and want of time, yet none of them all do satisfie my own conscience, when I consider what Heaven and Hell are, which will one of them be the end of every mans life: my conscience telleth me that I should follow them with all possible earnestness night and day, and take no nay of them, till they return to God. But if a man should do thus, how would it be taken? some of them would think of him, as Christs Natural kindred did of him, Mar. 3. 21. When they were about to lay hands on him, and thought that he was besides himself, some would think him a precise fellow, that thought no body should be saved but a few that make more a stir then needs; and most would be angry with a man as if he did them wrong, when he doth but seek to save them with fear, pulling them or keeping them out of the fire of sin, Jude 23. Christ himself is an offence to the ungodly world, 1 Pet. 2. 8. Rom. 9. 33. And therefore no wonder if we offend them: they will even bear a secret grudge in their minds at those men that trouble them in their sins: and anger resteth in the bosom of these fools, Eccless. 7. 9. If you should suddenly come in upon a thief, or an Adulterer with a light, who thought to have hidden his sin the dark, he would be offended at it, and so are most wicked men with us.
But when Converting Grace hath changed the heart, the case is quite contrary; then he will thank you for that, which before he was angry at; he loveth no man so well as him that hath sought to save his soul: Oh, those Reproofs and Exhortations that God did bless to his conversion, will stick by him for ever. He will bless God that ever he saw your face, and remember those words that helped to save him, as long as he liveth. He will take it for a greater benefit, then if you had given him all your wealth. A speciall extraordinary love to those that were made the means of their conversion, will stick for ever in their minds: the very words that you speak to them will be so remembred, that they would not for a world but they had heard these words: Oh, what a change is here suddenly wrought! He that was wont to say, [Look to your selves, you shall not answer for me] and be angry with them that troubled him in the way to Hell: Now loveth their very names, and the Remembrance of their kindness is pleasant to him: even like a poor distracted man, that layeth about him, and abuseth the Physitian, and calls them all to naught that would cure him, as if they came to kill him; but when he is come to himself again, then he will give them hearty thanks: somewhat like it is in a beast, if he have a thorn in his foot, he will strive against you, and not let you pull it out, and if you cast him down to force him to it, he lieth as if you were about to kill him: But when it is out, and he perceiveth the ease, he will perceive you did not mean him any harm: So is it with a sinner before his conversion, he is angry with those that would do him good, but when once God hath turned his heart, he is quite of another mind: Then he saith, Let the Righteous smite me, it shall be a kindness, and let him reprove me, it shall be an excellent oyl, which shall not break my head, Psalm 141. 5. And he taketh open rebuke better then secret love, and the wounds of a friend, to be better then the kisses of an enemy, Prov. 27. 5, 6. I know by sad experience that too much Heart-rising against reproof doth remain in many that I hope are converted; but that is from their unconverted part, and if it were predominant, it would prove them unconverted men. For so far as they are Gracious, thus it will be.
Yea, Not onelyonly so, but when a man is converted, his anger is turned against himself. He was never so angry with others for Reproving him, as he is now for sinning against God, and doing so much wrong to his own soul. Certainly, there is in every converted soul a great indignation against themselves for their sin. They fall out with themselves, and think ill of themselves, and speak ill of themselves: yea, and could find in their hearts to be in part revenged upon themselves: you may see as much said by Paul, 2. Cor. 7. 11. Where among other effects of godly sorrow, he nameth Indignation and Revenge. A true Repenting sinner could even find in his heart to execute some punishment upon himself. Oh, how he cals himself almost all that is naught; Oh, thinks he, what a fool, what a wretch, what a beast was I; to love the filth of sin, better then the favor of God, and the hopes of everlasting Glory! What a mad man was I, to be angry with those that would have kept me from damnation! Where was my wit and reason, when I so long forgot the work that I was born for, and made so light of the Lord that bought me, and thought so little of the place that I must live in for ever? Sirs, I do not speak this of mine own head, I have heard many, and many a one through Gods great mercy, after conversion, calling themselves worse then all this comes to: and expressing greater anger against themselves, then the wicked now express against those that would convert them. And you read, that even the Saints in Scripture did the like, and that not by a secret confession, but left it on Record to all generations. David calls himself an Ignorant fool, and as a beast, Psalm 73. 22. He cries out, 2 Sam. 24. 10. When his heart smote him by true Repentance, I have sinned greatly, I have done foolishly. Paul himself saith, that he was even mad, and exceedingly mad against the Christians before his conversion, Act. 26. 11. And of himself, and the rest he confesseth, Tit. 3. 3. We our selves were sometime foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another. So that you see converted men are very angry with themselves for their sinful lives, you hear how they call themselves. If they used such language against another man, you would think it were railing: To call them fools, and mad men, and all to naught. But alas! They know by sad experience, what they say, and yet by glad experience that it is now better with them. Therefore it is that they can easier bear the hard words of another, when they are forced to say as bad by themselves. Therefore is every converted sinner a man that loatheth himself for his iniquity, Ezek. 36. 31. & 20. 43. Yea, they could find in their hearts, as I said, to be partly Revenged on themselves. For though they must not destroy their own bodies, because they are not their own but Christs, nor must not any way hurt them, so far as to make them the less serviceable unto God; yet in any other case, they can find in their heart to punish this flesh, and to make it smart, that hath led them to so much evil. Therefore they are the easier brought to fasting, and denying the flesh its desires, though they put it to trouble and pain; for as this doth tend to master it and subdue it for the time to come, so a vindictive penance for the time past Voluntarily undertaken, is but a lawful fruit of Repentance, so that it do not whit disable us from the service of God. Hence it is, that a through Convert doth more easily forbear a carnal pleasure, then an Hypocrite or halfconvert will do. For when they are pleading the lawfulness of their pleasure and saying, what harm is it, and why may I not do this or that; he is willing to avoid it, though it should be but indifferent, as long as there is any great danger of sin in it. For, what careth he if the flesh do smart for it? If that be the worst? seeing tis the flesh that he is fallen out with, and hath done so much wrong to God and him: So that you see what a change conversion makes on a mans Anger as well as other Passions.