Obedient Patience, Chapter 2 · Case 11
CASE XI.
Settled doubts of sincerity and Salvation: Temptations to despair.
XI. BUT it is yet a heavier affliction, when a Soul is in a settled doubtfulness of its sincerity, Justification and Salvation, yea and strongly perswaded that he hath no grace, nor ever shall have, and hath little hope left of mercy and Salvation, and the more he examineth and thinks of it, the more he believeth this sad conclusion.
For an ungodly Man to know that he is ungodly is the most hopeful preparation to his recovery, and not to be stifled or made light of, but if it be a sincere person,
1. Before I tell you how far Patience is useful in this Case, I must tell you that on pretence of patience, the Cure must not be neglected, nor contempt or senselessness indulged. Sin is it that bringeth Men into this dark uncomfortable state; and it is present sin which it doth consist: Search therefore what guilt of former sin was the cause, and see that it be truly repented of: And then search how much present sin doth cherish it. Usually there is much ignorance in it of the Covenant of Grace; and a great defectiveness in our sense of the infinite Goodness of God, and of the wonders of his Love in Christ, and of the Ocean of mercy continued in the work of Mans Redemption: And there is much unbelief or distrust of God and our Redeemer, and of the promises of Grace and Salvation; and too little trust to the strengthening and comforting help of the Holy Ghost: And there is too little care to Cure Mens sinful fears and passions; and sometimes too little care to forbear renewing the wounds of Conscience by yielding to temptations, and renewing guilt. And where these are the Causes, they must first be resisted and partly overcome.
2. And while the Soul sincerely repenteth and striveth against that sin, (especially distrust of God and Christ) it must be considered that God giveth not all his Grace at once: Infants are not strong: Faith, Hope, Love and Comfort are weak before they are strong; and usually are long in getting strength: And weak faith hath alwaies unbelief joyned with it; and every weak grace is clog'd and clouded by its contrary sin. And while Grace is weak and sin thus cloudeth it, it cannot be expected that the Soul should have certainty of sincerity and Salvation; or be free from grief, and fears, and doubting. But Patient waiting upon Christ in the use of his appointed means, may in time bring faith and every grace to greater strength, and so the Soul to more assurance.
3. A Man that hath not attained to a certainty of Salvation may yet have more cause of hope and joy, than of fear and sorrow, upon the meer improbability of his Damnation. I have oft instanced thus: It would torment a good Christian, if he believed he should ever commit but such sins as David, and Peter did (to pass by Solomon) and no Christian ordinarily is sure that he shall not commit as great sin: And yet no wise Man that by Gods Grace is resolved against it, should torment himself with such a fear;
No Wife is certain but she may hate or forsake her Husband, or he may hate and Murder her; nor any Child but that the Father or Mother may Murder it: And yet it is so unlikely, that its folly to be sad with such a fear.
The Old Fathers, who thought that no ordinary Christian (but a few Confirmed ones) can be certain of perseverance or Salvation, and those Lutherans and Arminians that are of the same mind, did not yet live in terrour for fear of Apostacy and Damnation, but rejoyced in the comfort of probable hope.
4. If your fears be whether you are true Christians, presently become such, and so end those fears: It may be its too hard for you to know whether you have been such till now: But you may presently resolve it for the time to come: Do but understand the Baptismal Covenant, and consent to it, and that work is done: Present consent that is unseigned is true Christianity. If you can say that now you are truly willing that Christ with his Grace and Glory be yours, and you his on his Gospel terms, that is, your Priest, Prophet and King, you are true Christians.
Your concluding that the day of grace is past, and God will never give you grace, nor pardon you, while he his daily intreating you to be reconciled to him, and accept his Grace, is an abusive suspition that God is not sincere, and a contradiction to the Tenor of his word and instituted Ministry: When he bids us go to the high wayes and hedges, and compel (even the basest) to come in, for a willing Soul to suspect that God is unwilling is abusively to give him the lie: But if you are unwilling your selves why complain you? Its an odd sight to see a Begger in the cold intreated to come in to the fire, or a Man in the Sea intreated to come into the Ship, and he will not come, and yet cry and complain that he shall never be taken in; that is, because he will not.
5. It is a great mercy of God that you have hearts so far awakened as to be troubled with care and fear of your everlasting state, which you see the stupid dreaming World so little regard: And here are two comfortable Evidences appear in most Christians in these troubles. First, Your fear of punishment hereafter sheweth that you have some belief of the word of God, for you believe his Threatenings: Else why do you fear them? And if you believe that his Threatings are true, it is scarce possible that you should believe that his promises are false: Therefore your defect is in the Application of these promises to your self; and to doubt of our own faith or sincerity is not to doubt of the truth or word of God, and is not damning unbelief (tho some mistakingly have written so): Secondly, And you have so much of the applying act, as consisteth in consent and desire: You would fain have Christ, and Grace, and Glory: And you consent to be his as he consenteth to be yours: Else why do your complaints and troubles signifie so much. And desire signifieth Love and willingness as really as Joy doth, tho not so pleasingly. So that here is Faith, or Consent or Willingness, and Love to that which you mourn for want of: And those are Evidences of Grace.
Object. But may not a wickid Man beterrified with the fear of Damnation?
Answ. Yes: But if this fear were joyned with a willingness to be a true Christian, and to be Justified, Sanctified, and Ruled by Christ, he should be saved?
Object. But may be not be willing of Christ, and Holyness as a means to his Salvation, tho else he had rather be ungodly and live in sin.
Answ. 1. He cannot truly desire Salvation it self, as indeed it is Salvation: Not to be tormented in Hell he may desire: But Salvation is to be saved from sin and separation from God, and to live in perfect Holyness, Love and Joy in the Heavenly society, praising God among the blessed for ever: The heart of the ungodly is against this holy life. 2. And every Man hath some end: If this be not the End intended by any-Man, it must be some sinful pleasure that he must intend or desire: And to mak Perfect Holyness (which mortifieth all such desires and pleasures) to be desired as a Means to attain those pleasures (which it destroyeth) is a contradiction: So that a wicked Man cannot truly desire perfect Holyness more than sinful pleasure, neither as his End, nor as the Means thereto. Yet I will not deny but that while he hateth it, he may consent that God should make him holy as a minus malum, a lesser evil than the pains of Hell, which he hateth more. But God hath not promised to give Men Christ and holyness, because they hate Hell more than it; and desire it not for it self.
Object. I fear that this is my Case: For I have a great unwillingness to Prayer, Meditation, an every holy duty.
Answ. 1. Is your unwillingness to believe and trust God, and Love him perfectly, and to live in his thankful joyful praises, and to Love his word, and waies and Servants, and that for ever, greater than your willingness and desire? It is these inward acts that are the holyness of the Soul, and to be willing of these is to be willing to be holy. 2. As to outward exercises, by Praying, and such like, there may be some such disturbance of the Spirits raised by them, through temptations and false thoughts and fears, as put the mind into renewed trouble: And it is that disturbance and trouble in the duty, that many are against, rather than the duty it self. And such may find, that at the same time, they would fain have that Calmeness, confidence and delight in God, which they would be glad to express by holy Prayer. 3. And we must distinguish between a degree of unwillingness or backwardness which is Predominant and effectual, and a degree which doth but strive against Holyness but not overcome: Every Christian hath flesh, which lusteth against the Spirit, and would draw back; and therefore hath some degree of backwardness to his duty: But if this did prevail, he would give it over, which he doth not. 4. And yet for a time in temptation and Melancholly he may be deterred from some outward duty, and give it over, and yet not lose a holy state of Soul. Many a true Christian is many years affrighted from the Lords Supper: And some such persons in deep Melancholly and Temptations have given over outward Prayer, and hearing Sermons, and Reading: And yet have not given over a de…e of Holyness which is heart-Prayer, nor a desire to Love and obey Gods word. Sick Men cease outward duty in their beds, when they cease not inward piety.
6. It may be God seeth that you were grown dull and sluggish, and he useth this trouble to awake you to a greater care of your duty and Salvation: Or he saw you in danger of over loving some worldly vanity, and he useth this to embitter and divert you, that you may know better what to mind and desire.
7. The effects of a Melancholly disease, or of a natural timerousness of the weak and passionate, are much different from rational well grounded doubts of sincerity and Salvation: A Melancholly person can think of nothing with confidence and comfort: There is nothing but trouble, confusion, fears, and despair in his apprehension: He still seems to himself undone and hopeless. A person naturally timerous, cannot choose but fear, if you shew them the clearest reasons of assurance. These are like pain in sickness, which faith and reason will not cure; but should help us to strive against and bear. God will not impute our diseased misery to us as our damning sin.
8. Its one thing to have grace, and another thing to know that we have it: Many have it, who doubt whether it be sincere. And its an unspeakable mercy to have it, tho you doubt of it. God knoweth his grace in us, and will own it, when we doubt of it or deny it. As long as this foundation of God is sure, that God knoweth who are his, and while we Name Christ we depart from iniquity, we are safe, tho through fear we are uncomfortable.
9. Tho true faith do of its own nature tend to the peace and quietness of the believer, yea and to fill his Soul with joy; yet it doth not alwayes quiet it: But it alwayes (Consenteth to the Baptismal Covenant, which maketh us Christians, and so far trusteth Christ for pardon, grace and glory, as to cast our Souls and hopes upon him, and to forsake all other trust and hopes rather than to forsake him: As I have oft said, If a Prince say to a Beggar, go out of thy own Country with me in this Ship, and trust me to convey thee to Mexico or China, and I will make the a Lord or Prince, if he venture and go with him, tho he trembles with fear at every wave or Pirate in the Voyage, he truly trusteth him, and shall speed accordingly: If a Physician say, trust me and take my Medicine, and I undertake to cure you; if the Patient Take his Medicine, he shall be cured, tho he tremble with fear and doubt of the success: He Trusteth him Practically, if he cast his hope upon him, tho with fear. Tho Faith and Obedience be formally two things, Faith which will cause us to consent, venture, and follow or obey Christ; preferring Heaven whatever we lose by it, is saving faith, whatever doubts, fears or disquietment remain. If this were better understood, timerous and dark of Melancholly Christians, (who know there is none but Christ to trust to, and therefore resolve to be Ruled by him) would not so ordinarily think they have no true faith, because it doth not cast out all their doubts and fears, and quiet and comfort them; which indeed a strong faith would do, which is not hindered by errour or diseases.
10. We greatly wrong God and our selves in contenting our selves with poor diminutive thoughts of the essential Love and Goodness of God. When we think of the Sun (a thousand times bigger than all the Earth) and of all the Stars, and the incomprehensible Orbs of the Heavens, and the unconceivable swiftness of their motinos, and the power and extent of their Rayes of Light and emanations, we are overwhelmed with the thoughts of the greatness, power and wisdome of God: But when we think of his Goodness and Love, we scarce think much more highly of it, than of the goodness and love of a Father, a friend, or some excellent Man. And should we match his Power but with a Mans, what madness and ugly Blasphemy were it?
Yet I would not have the presumptuous here mistake, and hence conclude that a God so good will not condemn the rejecters of his grace; and say, Essential infinite Love will make all Men as happy as be can: For 1. Experience assureth us of the contrary; that he maketh great variety of Creatures, and permitteth pain and misery in the world. 2. And the Execution of Justice on the impenitent wicked Subjects, is good, as a means to the right Government of free Agents. 3. And the infiniteness of Gods goodness and Love, doth not appear in his Loving any Creature which is finite, but in loving that which is infinite, and that is himself.
But yet we must conceive of his essential attributes as equal in themselves: And if Gods goodness and love were conceived of by Man, in any proportion to his greatness and power, we could never so easily suspect his kindness, nor fear that he will damn those who unfeignedly desire to please him; nor should we fly from him as from a hurtful Enemy, but long to be nearer him in holy Communion, as we desire the Company of our wisest dearest friends; nor should we be so distrustful of him, as if he were no security to us from our dangers; but the name of the Lord would be our strong Tower, to which when we fly we should believe that we are safe, and our trust in God would be the quieting of our tormenting fears and cares.
11. And we have these poor thoughts of the Love of God to Man, because we do not sufficiently study the Miraculous demonstrations of it in our Redeemer; diversions cause us to neglect this study: And perversness and unbelief do cause us to give it too narrow a Room, and too slight and short entertainment in our thoughts: Nothing in this world doth better deserve our most diligent and delightful study, than the Gospel of Christ, and the wonderful work of Divine Love in Mans Redemption and Salvation, study this till you firmly believe it, and taste it, and it will be as Angels food, a heavenly feast here sent down to Earth, to draw Mens hearts to God in Heaven: The Love of God will turn your very hearts into returning holy Love: It was drops of Love that Christ sweat in the shape of blood in his Agony, and it was a stream of Love, which flowed from his pierced side, in the shape of blood and water: It is love which the three witnesses on Earth, and the three from Heaven attested. God knew how much sin had obscured his Love and goodness to Man, more than his power and greatness, by making Man an unmeet receiver and discerner of it, by reason of guilt, fear, and naughtiness of heart; and therefore how very backward Man is to believe and relish Gods Love. Therefore while Satan more industriously enticeth the Soul of Man to the Idolatry of Creaturecarnal Love, than ever he did entice the bodies of Men to worship Baal or such like, God hath set up his own Image, sent down to Man from Heaven, in opposition to Satans Idols, that sense it self may have suitable means for the Moral conquest of the tempter, and the replenishing of the Soul with a truly excellent felicitating Love, and in a congress of the Love of God and Man, in and by him that is God and Man, Heaven may be here begun, and may have a fuller Communion with Souls on Earth, than it had before Christs Incarnation. Study the Gospel aright, as the book of Divine Love, and it will turn you from many unprofitable Studies, and cure sinful Melancholly fears, better than all other Medicines in the world: And even those that said with Thomas, [unless I may see and feel I will not believe (or as a holy Divine in deep Melancholly rashly said to me, [If an Angel from Heaven should tell me that I have true grace I would not believe him] would repent as both these did; and when by faith you have as it were put your finger into his wounded side the sense of Divine Love will make you cry out, My Lord, and my God.
12. And it greatly hurteth Christians that they are not duly sensible, how much it is Satans design and work in all his temptations to misrepresent God to Man, and hide his Love and Goodness from us: As he doth it in the wicked by drawing them to fleshly deluding Love, and making them ignorant, unbelieving or forgetful of the Love of God; so he doth much against better Men by raising many objections against it, and filling them with false imaginations, and diminutive or suspicious thoughts of God, as if he were far more terrible to us than amiable.
13. And it wrongs some that they misunderstand the office of Conscience, as if it alwayes spake as an Oracle from God, whereas it is but the act of a dark understanding, which very usually erreth, and misjudgeth of our state: And a mistaking Conscience accusing falsly, as graceless, &c. Shall no more condemn us at Gods Bar, than a slandering Enemy. I Judge not my own self, saith Paul, I know nothing by my self (inconsistent with sincerity) yet am I not thereby justified: There is one that judgeth me, even the Lord: That is, It will not really go with me as I judge, but as God judgeth.
14. And alas when fear beareth down both faith and reason, as to the act, no silencing reason prevaileth with the Soul. I prove to them from the Gospel this great truth, that [Christ damneth none (that hear the Gospel) but those that wilfully reject him and refuse his offered grace, out of greater Love to something else, and this to the last.] I oft convince dejected Christians that this is true, and that this is not their Case; they do not continue to refuse Christ and his grace, by preferring something else. And yet this quieteth them not; nor receive they the conclusion: For fear, and feeling, and weakness, and Melancholly over power their reason, as bitter Physick, would not let Children believe that it is good for them, and given them in love.
15. Tho no pretence of patience must abate our desires after full assurance and perfection, yet while we find by experience that God will have Man on Earth, to differ much from those in Heaven, and to have but low and little things in comparison of their joy and glory, it is our great duty to be thankful for our present measure, and to wait in hope f… more. He that hath no comfortable apprehension of his condition can have no thankfulness for it: And we are all obliged to great thankfulness for the least degree of grace and hope: And thankfulness is somewhat more than patience, and therefore doth include it.
The acts of the understanding and of the Will go together: And if we had as full an understanding of the Heavenly state, as those have that possess it, our Wills by answerable Love and Joy, would now enjoy it; and so we should have the peculiar priviledges of the glorified here on Earth: But this is no more suited to our present state in flesh, than it is to an infant in the Womb to know what Cities, Courts and Churches are, or what Trades, and Merchandize, and Husbandry is, or what Books, and Arts, and Sciences are; or what Meat, and Drink, and Recreation are. We must be content on Earth with the measure which God designeth unto Earth. We see by constant experience that he hath preluded the Heavenly state from all our senses: He will not let us see whats done above: The first Martyr had such a sight by Miracle, but we must not expect it; He will not let our departed friends appear to us here to give us notice of what they see: He will not send Angels to satisfie our desire of such knowledge: Nay infernal Devils shall appear but rarely: The rareness of all these leaveth sadness in doubt whether there be any such things or not. And Pauls sight of Paradise was such as must not be uttered to us.
And full subjective certainty of Salvation, which excludeth all doubts and fears, is so high a degree as few in flesh I think obtain. Objective certainty every true Christian hath: That is, his Salvation (if he so die, at least) is absolutely certain it self, so that his belief and hope of it, shall never deceive him: But to be certainly known to Men, that is, with an apprehension which as much excludeth doubts and fears as sight and possession would do, or as the Light and the visible objects exclude all doubts, whether we behold them, or as we know that two and two are four, or that every effect hath a cause, and every relate a correlate, and that full contradictions are inconsistent, I think this degree of certainty none have upon Earth, without some Miraculous Inspiration or Revelation. But we may attain to so firm an apprehension of that truth and blessedness, which is certain in it self, as may make our hope, and joy, and desire far greater than our doubts and fears, and aversation. And this joyful life of well grounded hope may be called a certainty or full assurance; tho yet it be far short of Perfect, and the certanty of Beatifical vision and fruition. And alas, it is but very few true Christians who attain this quieting joyful degree.
All this being considered you see that while we are on Earth we must no look for Heaven; nor in the Wilderness to find the Land of promise: Joshua, and Calebs encouraging words, and the bunch of Grapes, and Gods promise and presence, and his conducting light, provision and protection, must quiet us in our Journy; and some few have Moses Pisgah sight. Murmuring at Wilderness wants, dangers and difficulties was the Isralites sin and fall. We must not look for the Harvest at feed time, nor for more knowledge, and assurance, and joyful apprehensions of Heaven, on Earth, than is suitable to the state of Travellers in flesh: We are yet alas too sinful: And sin will breed doubts and fears: We are here very ignorant, and conscious that we are very lyable to Err; and that every Man hath many errours; and therefore we are apt to doubt even of that which we see and feel, yea and to fear where we see convincing Evidence of certainty; and we can scarce tell when and how to trust our own understandings: We are in a dark World; and in a dark body, and chained to it in our actings: All our grace and goodness is imperfect: And till every grace be perfect in us, assurance of Salvation will not be perfect: For the Perfection of every grace is necessary to it: And is it any wonder that such a wight as Man, in flesh, and sin, and under Temptations, and in a dark Malignant world, which God hath very much forsaken, should not have the Joy as of full assurance of invisible glory? The Christians of all those ages, who held that none (or only a few rare persons) could be certain of their Salvation, could not have that certainty which they thought none had? Yet they did, and we must rejoyce in hope, and be thankful here for a Travelling degree.