A Christian Family Built by God, Section 14
SECT. 14.
NExt I come to Parents, and they muſt not Eph. 6. 4.provoke their children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture, and admonition of the Lord.
Firſt, they muſt not provoke them to wrath. Surely this is not by ſuffering them to have their wills: For a child ſet at liberty Prov. 29: 15makes the mother aſhamed. Neither is it by rebuking them when they do amiſſe▪ for not to do this, undoes many a child, as you ſee in Adoniah. Neither is it by correcting them, when rebukes will do no good: for he that 1 Kings 1. 5, 6. Prov. 13. 24.ſpares the rod, hates his ſon. Neither it is by keeping them under ſubjection, for this they muſt do out of love to God, and their ſouls, or ſinne will grow. What is it then? It is a ſhewing too much rigour and ſeveritie towards them.
As firſt, when they deny to them what by law of Nature belongs to them according to ſtate, as meat, drink, cloth, and breeding. For if any man provide not for his own, he is 1 Tim. 5. 8.worſe (in that) then an Infidel.
Secondly, when they burthen them with unjuſt commands. Saul command Jonathan to 1 Sam. 20. 31. 34.fetch David out of a miſchievous heart againſt him; and ſo vexed Ionathan, that he kept from his meat.
Thirdly, When they vex them with reproachful words for what they cannot help; as when Saul called his ſonne, The ſonne of a 1 Sam. 20. 30.perverſe rebellious woman. The fault was Sauls own, and not his ſons if he married ſuch a woman.
Fourthly, when they rage them with undeſerved blowes. Saul took up a javelin to throw at Ionathan, and (ſaith the Text,) He 1 Sam. 20. 33, 34.roſe from the table in fierce wrath. If Parents thus provoke their children to wrath, they Col. 3. 21.will be diſcouraged either by dejectedneſſe, or by fearfulneſſe, or by deſperate ſtubbornneſſe.
2. They muſt bring up their children in Nurture, and this is a framing of them like foreign.men and women. It includeth four things.
1. Learning.
2. Mann…rs.
3. Labour.
4. Correction.
1. They muſt bring their children up in learning. Paul was brought up at the feet of Acts 22. 3.Gamaliel, and you know the care of Pharaohs Exod. 2. Dan. 1.daughter for Moſes, and of Nebuchadnezzar for Daniel: how much more muſt Chriſtians that know better. The bleſſed Virgin, though ſhe were poore, would not be guiltie; therefore Luke 4. 16. John 8. 6.we reade of her ſon Ieſus, his reading and of his writing.
Object. I know ſome have ſaid, I ſhall leave my children enough, what needs learning? But there is the more need for that.
Sol. The greater the ſhip is, the greater is the fraight; the greater the fraight, the more skilfull had the Pilot need to be.
Object. But the poore man will ſay, alas, I cannot bring him up to learning.
Sol. Truely the more is the pittie, yet I wiſh them to conſider ſadly two things; whether they do not ſpend two pence, or three pence in a week worſe? and whether learning be not a better portion then wealth.
2. They muſt bring them up in manners. Riches without manners, is but a Pearl in a ſwines ſnout. Therefore here lies Parents next care. If an Heathen when he ſaw a youth carrie himſelf unmannerly, beat his Cur ſic inſtituis?Maſter, ſaying. Why doe you inſtruct him ſo? much more are Parents to bee blamed.
Queſt. If you ask, wherein doe manners ſtand?
Anſw. I anſwer,
1. In Silence.
2. In Speech.
3. In Geſture.
1. They muſt learn them to keep ſilence in two caſes.
Firſt, In giving their betters leave to ſpeak before them. Elihu waited till the antients Job. 32. 4.had done.
Secondly, in not interrupting others while they are ſpeaking; for he that is haſtie in his matters, there is more hope of a fool then of Prov. 29. 20him.
2. In ſpeech, they muſt learn them to uſe fair ſpeeches, as that yong man to Chriſt, good maſter, and Luke to that high Chriſtian, moſt noble Theophilus. To ſpeak modeſtly of themſelves, Ma…k 10. 8. 17. Luke 1. 3. 1 Sam. 25. 41.as Abigail to Davids meſſenger, Let thy handmaid be a ſervant to waſh the feet of the ſervants of my Lord. To ſalute lovingly, as Boaz and his reapers, The Lord be with you, the Lord bleſſe thee. And to thank for kindneſſes, Ruth 2. 4.as Paul to Aquila and Priſcilla, to whom not onelyonly I give thanks, but all the Rom. 16. 4.Churches of the Gentiles.
3. In Geſtures, they muſt learn them, To meet thoſe that come towards them, as Abraham did his ſtrangers: To riſe before Gen. 18. 2. Levit. 19. 32. Gen. 18.their elders, To ſtand before their betters, as Abraham while his gueſts did eat, To bow to them to whom they are ſubject, as Solomon 1 Kings 2. 19. Luke 14 8.to his mother: and to give the chief place to betters, and to offer it to others of courteſie. Oh what a bundle of pride would this dig out of childrens hearts before it come to a grown ſurlineſs, and ſcorn.
3. They muſt bring them up to labour, either of body or of brain. Idleneſſe is a poyſon to all, eſpecially to youth, who by it have leiſure to invent fantaſtical faſhions, or to gaze upon other fools in Iſrael, and follow them. Water, be it never ſo clean, with ſtanding ſtinks; and while men ſlept, the enemy ſowed tares. So long as Sampſon warred Matth. 13.he could never be overcome of the Philiſtims, but when he idled it in Delilahs lap, he loſt ſtrength, eyes, and life ere long.
It is true, to trie a child to too much were ſevere niceneſſe, or paternal crueltie; for 1 Cor. 13when I was a childe, I did as a childe: But yet they muſt know, as ſtrength of body, and parts increaſeth, they are born to labour, not to loyter.
4. They muſt ſubject them (as they doe amiſſe) to correction. As it is not enough to plant a Vine, except we prune and dreſſe it: ſo nor is it enough to have children, except we correct them.
We have the beſt example in the world, and that is God correcting his children, who muſt be our pattern. God doth correct them with the rod of his Sonne.
Among the Romanes none that were free Acts 22. 25.born might be whipt, but God correcteth every Heb. 12. 7.ſonne, and ſo muſt Parents. God correcteth them in love: He is angry with nothing in them, but with their ſinnes; and ſo ſhould it be with Parents.
Conſul Brutus executed his trayterous ſons Exuit patrem ut indueret conſulem.with his own hands, he put off the father that he might put on the juſt Judge: but Eli, when his ſonnes made themſelves vile, reſtrained them not. Elies anger waxed lukewarm towards his ſonnes, and Gods anger 1 Sam. 2. Ira Ely tepuit in filios ira Dei exarſit in illum▪waxed hot againſt him. He that will not correct, will not take a knife (as Abraham did,) though God bid him.
Again, God moderates his correction. He Lam. 2,ſtands like an adverſary, but in the midſt of anger he remembers mercy; and correcteth Hab. 3.with the rod of men. Yea God meaſures out corrections anſwerable to ſinnes. He weighs a path for his anger by weight, number, meaſure. So ſhould Parents. Though they correct with the rod of men; yet, if ſonnes riſe Pſal. 78. 50to rebellion, they muſt bring them forth, and caſt the firſt ſtone.
3. They muſt bring up their children in foreign.Admonition of the Lord, to frame them like Chriſtian men, to this end,
1. They muſt train them up religiouſly.
2. They must guard their Religion and Pietie.
1. In training them up religiouſly lies their greateſt care and comfort, by making their Children Gods children.
If Damatria could ſay, I had rather have a Mallem habere filium mortuum, quam bello inutilem.dead ſonne, then to have a ſonne unprofitable for warre: much more ſhould a Chriſtian ſay, I had rather have none then ſuch as are uſeleſſe to God.
If Aulus Fulvius ſaid, when his ſonne Ego te non catilinae ſed patriae genuiwas in Catilines conſpiracie, I begat thee not for Catiline, but for thy Countrey: much more ſhould we ſay, I begat not my children for the world, fleſh, and devil, but for God.
This training them religiouſly doth reſpect two things.
1. Their admittance into the Church by Baptiſme. To have a childe the childe of the Church by Baptiſme is the glory of a Chriſtian. He can not with truth, and glory to God think that the children of the Jewes ſhould have a greater priviledge then the children of Chriſtians; therefore as the firſt care of the Jew was for Circumciſion; ſo his firſt care is for Baptiſme and Circumciſion Col. 2. 11, 12.that is made without hands.
2. Their bringing up in the Church in the fear of God. As in Ieremiah's viſions, God firſt ſhewed him the Rod of an Almond tree, Jer. 1. 11.becauſe it bloſſoms firſt: ſo God likes the dayes of youth to be conſecrated to God.
Therefore Parents muſt firſt inſtruct them ſo ſoon as they are capable. It was a Law in Deut. 6. 7. 20. Pſal. 78. 5, 6Iſrael that the fathers ſhould teach the children.
2. They muſt inſtruct them according to their capacitie. Train up a childe in his way, ſaith Solomon; as Iacob drave all his, according Prov. 22. 6.to their paces, They are like us in what they are unlike to God. They may die in their youth and folly, and then the ſinnes of their youth will lie down with them in the duſt. They are born blind. The firſt Adam was the Father of living ones; the ſecond Adam Pater viventium, pater aeternitatis, patres caecorum.the Father of Eternitie, and we are the Fathers of the blind.
Our bringing them up in Gods fear, may by Gods bleſſing, be a means of opening their eyes, that they may be turned from darkneſs Acts 28. Col. 1.to light, and brought out of the kingdome of darkneſſe into the kingdome of Gods dear Sonne.
3. They muſt (ſo near as they can) make choiſe of the beſt maſters for them, As Moſes had the chief inſtructer for the ſciences of Egypt; ſo Iehoaſh had good Iehojadah. This (among others) is reckoned a cauſe of Iulians Apoſtacie, that he had two wicked Heathens to be his maſters, Libanus and Iamblicus.
2. They muſt guard their Religion, and Pietie three wayes,
Firſt by putting them under Gods protection by dayly prayer.
Secondly, By providing for them ſome lawfull imployment; for God annointed Saul while he was ſeeking his fathers Aſſes; David was taken from the ſheepfold; and two famous Prophets, Eliſhah, and Amos were taken, the one from the plough, the other from the herd.
Thirdly, by diſpoſing of them for the beſt advantage for their ſouls in marriage. We have a precept, Take wives to your ſonnes, and Jer. 29. 6.husbands to your daughters; and the practiſe of Abraham for Iſaac, Manoah for Sampſon, yea, and of Agar for Iſhmael.
I now humbly beſeech that all Parents would ply theſe three Rules of Paul, and that they would not be Judaſſes, under pretence of a kiſſe, to betray their childrens ſouls. But as Crates was wont to cry out to the people, O men whither now away? why take ye ſuch care to gather riches for your children, and have no care to train them up that ſhould enjoy them? So may we ſay of too many careleſſe Parents among Chriſtians to the ſhame of holy Chriſtianitie.