The Middle Things, Chapter 4
CHAP. IV.
SECT. 1. Of the Nature of Self-Examination.
VVE have done with Watchfulneſs, the eye that overſees and directs all other Duties: Now to the Duties themſelves; wherein we ſhall follow this method: 1. To conſider them as in reference to private perſons: 2. As in reference to Families: 3. As in reference to publique Aſſemblies. The Philoſopher in his method of Practical Philoſophy, firſt handles Ethicks, in reference to particular perſons; and then he proceeds to his Oeconomicks, in reference to Families; and laſtly, to his Politicks, in reference to Cities and Countreys. Of many particulars ariſe a Family; of many Families is conſtituted a City: The ſame order ſhall we follow in theſe Divine Arts, of our Ethicks, Oeconomicks, and Politicks. And we ſhall firſt handle Duties in reference to particular perſons; of which ſort are theſe:
1. Self-Examination.
2. Experiences.
3. Evidences.
4. Meditation.
5. Life of Faith.
The firſt Duty is Self-Examination: And for our better direction in the exerciſe of this Duty, obſerve we
1. Nature.
2. The Objects.
3. The Maner.
4. The Time of it.
For the Nature of it, Self-Examination is a kinde of judiciary proceeding, in which a man keepeth private Seſſions at home, paſſing a Sentence on his Thoughts, Words, and Actions.
Or, for more diſtinct knowledge, two ſorts of actions are implyed in this Duty of Examination, ſome
Eſſential.
Accidental.
1. Of the former ſort, or of Eſſentials, are theſe three,
Diſcuſſion.
Application.
Cenſure.
1. Diſcuſſion is a ſifting of our life and dealings, by which we pull things out of the heap, where before they lay confuſed, and unſeen, and by which we ſet every fact of ours in open view, that it may be ſcanned, and ſeen by it ſelf what it is.
2. Application is a laying of theſe acts, thus ſearched and found out, to the Rule of Gods Law, which is the Touchſtone of all our doings, and according to which God will judge us at the laſt day.
3. Cenſure is the judgement that our Mindes and Conſciences give upon our Thoughts, Words and Deeds, according to the Rule of the Law. Theſe three laid together, make up the nature of this work of Examination: So that we may not unfitly deſcribe it out of its own Principles, thus: —
Self-Examination is, A Diſcuſſion of a mans life, that his Thoughts, Words and Deeds may be ſeen, and cenſured according to the Rule of Gods Law.
2. Of the latter ſort (or of Accidentals) are theſe two; viz.
The one going before Examination.
The other following after Examination.
1. That which goes before, is a purpoſe to better a mans Spiritual eſtate, by
Correcting what is amiſs.
Confirming what is right.
2. That which follows after it, is a practice of ſuch Rules as may back our Examination, and make it more effe…tual to us: I ſhall mention onelyonly theſe three Rules:
1. That after we have examined, we then compare our preſent, with our former eſtate, and conſider whether we have encreaſed or decayed in grace.
2. That if we have profited in grace, we then conſider by what means we have profited, that ſo we may make more conſtant uſe of ſuch means; or if we have decayed in grace, we then obſerve by what temptations we were overcome, that ſo our former errors may make us more wary, and more reſolute againſt them for the future.
3. That as we meet with any occaſions of moment, concerning which we had a purpoſe to better our Spiritual eſtate, we then recal home our thoughts, and make uſe of our former reſolutions, and practice what we did purpoſe. — Out of all theſe laid together, we may more fully deſcribe it thus:
Self-Examination is a diſcuſſion of a mans life, for the finding out the true eſtate of a mans ſoul towards God, accompanied with a purpoſe and practice of whatſoever upon tryal ſhall appear requiſite for the ſalvation and good of a mans ſoul.
SECT. 2. Of the objects of Self-Examination.
THe object of our Examination, is either
Evil works, or Sin.
Good works, or Duties.
1. We muſt examine our ſin in
General.
Special.
1. In General, whether of Omiſſion or Commiſſion: For as in the laſt Judgement, our Lord will not onelyonly give Sentence againſt Murthers, and Oppreſſions, but againſt Uncharitableneſs, and Unmercifulneſs, in not feeding the hungry, in not lodging the ſtranger, in not clothing the naked, in not viſiting the ſick: So when we judge our ſelves, we muſt cenſure not onelyonly our Robbing the poor, but our not Relieving the poor; not onelyonly our Commiſſions of evil, but our Omiſſions of good.
2. In Special, whether of our Calling or Nature: Theſe ſins may breed ſpecial danger, becauſe we are ready to drop into them of our own diſpoſitions; and therefore in the daily care of our ſouls, we had need to examine our ſelves concerning theſe ſins.
2. As we muſt examine our evil works, ſo our good works.
1. Becauſe we are many times deceived with ſhews, thinking that good which is evil: Thus Paul thought he ſhewed much zeal, when he perſecuted the Churches of Chriſt; Phil 3.6.and Micah thought he highly merited Gods favor,Iudg. 17.13. when he kept a Prieſt for Idolatrous ſervice.
2. Becauſe in the very works which are truly good, we do many times intermingle corruptions of our own; ſometimes evil ends, and ſometimes evil thoughts, and ſometimes we perform them in an evil maner; but always in our beſt devotions there are many imperfections and failings. Indeed this Examination is a Duty neceſſary to all Duties: If we believe, we muſt do it with the heart, Rom. 10.10.Rom. 10.10. If we ſing Pſalms, we muſt do it with the Spirit, 1 Cor. 14.15.1 Cor. 14.15. If we come to the Lords Supper, firſt Let a man examine himſelf, and ſo let him eat, 1 Cor. 11.28.1 Cor. 11.28. If we pray, we muſt therein examine: And hence (as ſome obſerve) the ſame*foreign Hebrew word ſignifies to pray, and to judge a mans ſelf.
But becauſe Duties are of ſeveral ſorts,
inward
outward
of
Heart.
Tongue.
Action.
In examining theſe three, we ſhall incluſively examine all ſorts of Duties that are in reference to them.
SECT. 3. Of the maner of examining our ſins in general.
THat we may examine our ſins of all ſorts, obſerve theſe Rules:
1. Procure we a Catalogue of our ſins, both before, and ſince our converſion; and to that purpoſe, go we through the Commandments one by one, and in each of them conſider what ſins are condemned, and what Duties are enjoyned: And hereupon queſtion with our own hearts, Whether have I committed this or that ſin? 2. Whether have I neglected this or that Duty? and as the heart anſwers, be ready to note down thoſe ſins whereof we ſtand guilty.
2. The ſins thus found out, make we a ſolemn Confeſſion to God, with deep Humiliation; let them be dolorous Confeſſions, with grief and ſorrow for ſin, and from a ſight and ſence of it: Thus Ephraim did, and God was feign to acknowledge it,Ier 31.18. I have ſurely heard Ephraim bemoan himſelf: O the Lord loves to hear ſuch bemoaning Ephraims, and ſuch bemoaning Confeſſions.
3. The ſins thus confeſſed and bewailed, let us judge and condemn our ſelves: This is that Duty inſtanced in by the Apoſtle, If we would judge our ſelves, we ſhould not be judged. 1 Cor. 11.31.There is a Tribunal that we ſhould every one erect within us, where Conſcience is the Accuſer, Reaſon the Judge, Fear the Goaler, Sorrow the Executioner.
4. After we have thus judged our ſelves, let us then appeal to Gods Throne of Grace; let us deſire of God ſalvation in the Lord Jeſus Chriſt; let us caſt all our confidence on him; who never fails them that put their truſt in him, and in his precious Merits.
SECT. 4. Of the maner of examining our ſpecial ſins.
THat we may examine our ſpecial ſins, our Dalilah ſins, obſerve we theſe Rules:
1. Endeavor we to finde out this ſin; and in our ſcrutiny, our examination, we may diſcover it by theſe marks:
1. That it is the Dalilah, which thy own Conſcience and the finger of God in the Miniſtery many times meets with, and chiefly checks thee for.
2. That which thou art lotheſt to leave, haſt leaſt power to reſiſt, and which moſt hinders the reſignation and ſubmiſſion of thy ſoul and body to the Word and Will of God.
3. That which God often corrects in thee, even in the interpretation and guilty acknowledgement of thy ſelf-accuſing heart; and if ever the ſword of the Spirit ſhall cleave it from thy boſom (which is infinitely to be deſired) it will coſt the bittereſt tears, and deepeſt groans.
4. Thoughts, Plots, and Projects about it (a thouſand to one) ordinarily ſeize upon thy heart at the very firſt waking, if they have not broken thy ſleep, and troubled thee in thy dreams.
2. The ſin once found out, do we purſue it, and make we a ſolemn Confeſſion to God of it; mourn we under it, and deſire we help from God for his mortifying Grace.
3. Settle we in our ſelves a purpoſe of heart, to forbear it for time to come: In undertaking of which purpoſe, it will be expedient to ſet our ſelves ſome ſhort ſpace of time, as for a day or a monethmonth, &c. and when the prefixed time is come, we ſhould then queſtion our ſelves, How well we have performed? or how, or wherein we have failed? and then begin a new purpoſe.
4. Be we ever jealous of our ſelves, and of our infirmity and proneneſs to this ſin. Now we have two grounds of this jealouſie:
1. Leſt we be deceived about it.
2. Leſt we be overtaken with it.
1. We may be deceived, in ſuppoſing that we are utterly divorced, and quite delivered from this boſom-ſin, when it is nothing ſo; as thus:—
1. We may change onelyonly in the outward form, and not in truth: For inſtance, whereas the ſame ſin of Covetouſneſs doth utter and expreſs it ſelf by Uſury, Symony, Sacriledge, Bribery, Grinding the faces of the poor, Detaining ill-gotten goods, without reſtitution; we may perhaps inſenſibly glide out of one gulf of griping cruelty into another, or it may be from one of theſe more notorious, to ſome other leſs obſerved, and leſs odious in the world, and yet ſtill abide in the chambers of Death, and under the tyranny of this reigning ſin.
2. We may ſurceaſe, and refrain from the outward groſs acts of ſuch hateful villanies, and yet our inwards be ſtill defiled with inſatiable, ſenſual hankerings after them: For inſtance, Whereas the foul ſin of Uncleanneſs doth actuate it ſelf by Fornication, Adultery, Self-pollution, immoderate abuſe of the Marriage-bed, Speculative wantonneſs, we may perhaps forbear the external acts of uncleanneſs, and yet lie and languiſh in the delightful revolvings of them in our minde, in adulteries of thought.
3. We may change the kinde of our boſom-ſin, in reſpect of the matter, form, object, every way; and yet upon the matter it ſelf, it is but the exchange of one foul fiend for another: For inſtance, Wantonneſs may be our ſweet ſin in youth, and Worldlineſs in old age; Hypocriſie may reign at one time, Apoſtacy at another; Furious Zeal for one while, Prophane Irreligiouſneſs for another.
4. We may for a time pull our necks out of this ſtrong yoke of Satan (out of a melancholick pang of ſlaviſh terror, ſerious fore-thought of death, lying everlaſtingly in Hell) but becauſe it is not the work of the word, humbling us ſoundly under Gods mighty hand, planting Faith, and infuſing mortifying power, anon will this unclean Spirit return, and rule in us again far more imperiouſly then before.— I know it is not impoſſible, but that a man after his converſion, by the ſudden ſurpriſal of ſome violent temptation, and cunning train of Satan, may be haled back to commit his ſweet ſin again (though it be an heavy caſe, and to be lamented, if it were poſſible, with tears of blood) yet he never doth, nor never can return to wallow in it again, or to allow it: Here is the difference, The temporary man, after his formal enforced forbearance, engulphs himſelf again with more greedineſs into the ſenſuality and pleaſures of his boſom-ſin, he lies in it, and delights in it, and hardens himſelf more obſtinately in it: but the ſound convert after a relapſe, his heart bleeds afreſh with extraordinary bitterneſs, and he cryes more mightily to God, for the return of his pleaſed countenance, and he prayes, and fortifies the breach with ſtronger reſolution, and more invincible watchfulneſs againſt future aſſaults; obſerve then, if our change be but formal, outward, miſtaken, temporary, we are utterly deceived, and therefore we had need to be jealous of our ſelves.
2. We may be overtaken with this ſin, before we be aware; our nature is very apt to take fire, our corrupt heart is like Tinder or Gunpowder: This ſin is called Pecatum in deliciis, our darling pleaſure, our minion delight; it is ever ready at every turn to allure us, tempt us, perſwade us; and the ſoul by a ſecret ſenſual inclination is apt to follow it, to feed upon it, with much affectionate ſweetneſs: It may be we have ſometimes given it a deaths wound, by the power of his might, who is our all in all, and yet as it is ſaid of the firſt Beaſt, this deadly wound is ready to be healed again; it is an Hydra with many heads,Rev. 13.12. and if we be not ſtill hacking and hewing, it will revive and recollect ſtrength, and at laſt rage more then before; and therefore what need have we to this holy jealouſie?
5. Above all, without which all the reſt are nothing, believe we the Promiſes of Pardon, and of Sanctification: The Promiſes of the firſt ſort, I ſpoke to in our Watchfulneſs over this ſin, and therefore now I ſhall ſpeak of the latter. The Lord hath promiſed to deliver us from all our enemies, Luke 1 72, 74, 75. Heb. 10.16.that we may ſerve him in righteouſneſs and holineſs all the days of our life; The Lord hath promiſed to write his Law in our hearts, and that can never be, except he obliterate all the old-writing: Now then believe theſe Promiſes, and preſs the Lord with them, or we ſhall never be able to outwreſtle our luſts; what though we finde our ſweet ſins, confeſs them, reſolve againſt them, be jealous over them? unleſs we go to God and Chriſt in the Promiſes for ſtrength, we ſhall lie down in ſorrow: Could we of our ſelves ſubdue our Corruptions, God would not take this upon him, to give us new hearts, and new Spirits, to ſanctifie us, to make us new creatures, to crucifie the fleſh, to weaken the dominion of ſin: Alas, he knows our weakneſs, and he knows all is in his own power; and therefore if we would mortifie theſe luſts, we muſt go to him, and beſeech him to do it. When a man is once in Chriſt, he lives by a Principle without himſelf: I live by the faith of the Son of God (ſaid Paul) who loved me, Gal. 2.20.and gave himſelf for me: If we ask, Why will the Lord have our ſtrength out of our ſelves? why may not a man have ſufficient habitual ſtrength in himſelf, by which he may be able to outwreſtle luſts, and overcome temptations? The reaſon is, Becauſe no fleſh ſhall rejoyce in it ſelf, and therefore Chriſt is made Sanctification unto us: O let us believe theſe Promiſes, and have continual dependance on the Lord Jeſus Chriſt.
SECT. 5. Of the maner of examining our hearts.
THat we may rightly examine our hearts, obſerve we theſe Rules:
1. Uſe we retiredneſs when we fall on this work: To this purpoſe,Pſal. 4.4. ſaith the Pſalmiſt, Commune with your own hearts on your beds, and be ſtill: When we get alone purpoſely to ſtudy our hearts, our hearts will then come to us, they will be more apt to diſcourſe with us privately, then in a crowd; and therefore ſet we ſome time apart out of our publike or particular occaſions to deal with our hearts, as David, who after the publike buſineſs was done, turned home to viſit, 2 Sam 6.20.and to bleſs his own houſe.
2. Examine what thoughts are within, and which way runs the ſtream of our thoughts: The heart is an houſe of common reſort, into which multitudes of thoughts, like ſo many gueſts, enter, and have free and open acceſs; onelyonly if it be ſanctified, it ordinarily diſtils holy, ſweet, and uſeful Meditations out of all objects; as the Bee ſucks honey out of every flower, and a good ſtomack ſucks ſweet and wholeſom nouriſhment out of what it takes to it ſelf: So doth a holy heart (ſo far as ſanctified) convert and digeſt all into Spiritual and uſeful thoughts: But on the contrary, if it be wicked, then a world of vain, light, wanton, prophane, and diſſolute thoughts lodge there, and defile thoſe rooms they lodge in; which made the Lord ſay to Jeruſalem, O Jeruſalem, Ier. 4.14.waſh thine heart from wickedneſs, that thou mayeſt be ſaved: How long ſhall thy vain thoughts lodge within thee?
3. If upon examination we finde a lothneſs to entertain holy thoughts, and unſteadineſs in them, a miſplacing of them (which diſorder is a vanity and ſin, be the thought materially never ſo good) or if we finde in us many times a taking thought to fulfil the luſts of the fleſh, Rom. 13.14.a repreſenting or acting over ſin in our thoughts (O how much of that precious ſand of our thoughts run out this way) then let us humble our ſelves for them; and thus Agur teacheth,Prov. 30.32. If thou haſt done fooliſhly in lifting up thy ſelf, or if thou haſt thought evil, lay thine hand upon thy mouth; (i.) be humbled, be aſhamed of theſe thoughts.
4. After humiliation, we muſt proceed to Judgement: And to that end conſider, what will be the ſubject of that great Inqueſt at the laſt day? The Apoſtle anſwers,1 Cor. 4.5. The counſels of the heart: And who will be the Executioner? even Thoughts accuſing: O then let us prevent this doom, and this execution, by our own Judgement and Self-condemnation; let us ſentence our hearts, and whip out our evil thoughts, and give them their paſs.
5. Let us watch over, and obſerve our hearts ever after: Thoughts will be crowding in, when we have done all we can, yet let them know that they paſt not unſeen; where ſtrict watch and ward is kept, where Magiſtrates, and Marſhals, and Conſtables are diligent to examine vagrant perſons, you ſhall have few of them there: The reaſon that ſuch ſwarms of vagrant thoughts make their Rendezvouz, and paſs in our hearts, is, Becauſe there is no ſtrict watch kept, we obſerve not our hearts with all diligence.
6. Set our thoughts in order every morning, ſtrengthen and perfume our Spirits with ſome gracious Meditations on Gods Holineſs, Majeſty, Omnipreſence, Omniſcience: My ſoul waiteth for the Lord (ſaid David) more then they that watch for the morning; Pſal. 130.6.obſerve it, if you pleaſe, when we firſt open our eyes, there ſtand many ſuitors attending on us to ſpeak with our thoughts, even as Clyents at Lawyers doors; but ſpeak we firſt with our God, and he will ſay ſomething to our hearts, and ſettle them for all the day after.
7. Now and then propoſe we to our hearts theſe two queſtions: 1. Heart, how doſt thou? a few words, but a very ſerious queſtion: you know, this is the firſt queſtion, and the firſt ſalute that we uſe to one another, How do you Sir? I would to God we would ſometimes thus ſpeak to our hearts, Heart, how doſt thou? how is it with thee for thy Spiritual eſtate? 2. Heart, what wilt thou do? or, Heart, what doſt thou think will become of thee and me? as that dying Roman once ſaid, Animula; vagula, blandula, &c. Poor, wretched, miſerable ſoul, whither art thou and I agoing, and what wi…l become of thee, when thou and I ſhall part? This very thing doth Moſes propoſe to Iſrael, though in other terms,Deut. 32.29. O that they would conſider their latter ends! And O that we would propoſe this queſtion conſtantly to our hearts to conſider and debate upon!Pſal 4.4. Commune with your own hearts, ſaid David; q.d. debate the matter betwixt you and your own hearts to the very utmoſt: Let your hearts be ſo put to it in communing with them, as that they may ſpeak their very bottom. Commune,] or hold a ſerious communication, and clear intelligence and acquaintance with your own hearts: It was the Confeſſion of a Divine, ſenſible of his neglect in this kinde,Mr. Lightfoot. I have lived (ſaith he) forty years, and ſomewhat more, and carried my heart in my boſom all this while, and yet my heart and I are as great ſtrangers, and as utterly unacquainted, as if we had never come near one another: — Nay, I know not my heart, I have forgotten my heart; Ah my bowels, my bowels! that I could be grieved at the very heart, that my poor heart and I have been ſo unacquainted! We are fallen into an Athenian age,Acts 17.21. ſpending our time in nothing more then in telling or hearing News: How go things here? How there? How in one place? How in another? But who is there that is inquiſitive, How are things with my poor heart? Weigh but in the Ballance of a ſerious Conſideration, what time we have ſpent in this Duty, and what time otherwiſe? and for many ſcores and hundreds of hours or days that we owe to our hearts in this Duty, Can we write Fifty? or where there ſhould have been fifty veſſels full of this Duty, can we finde Twenty or Ten? O the days, moneths, years we beſtow upon ſin, vanity, the affairs of this world, whiles we afford not a minute in converſe with our own hearts, concerning their caſe.
SECT. 6. Of the maner of examining our Tongues.
THat we may rightly examine our Tongues, obſerve we theſe Rules:
1. Search we into our diſpoſitions, whether we are men of few words, or given to much ſpeaking? The tongue may offend both ways, but eſpecially if we are wordy.
2. Peruſe with a broken heart and bleeding affections, the many kindes of thoſe ſins of the tongue, whereof (no doubt, at one time or other) we have been deeply guilty. Some number them in thirty particulars; as, Blasphemy, Murmuring Defence of ſin, Swearing, Forſwearing, Lying, Equivocating, Slandering, Flattering, Curſing, Railing, Brawling, Scoffing, Giving ill counſel, Sowing ſeeds of Diſcord amongst Neighbors, Double-tonguedneſs, Boaſting, Diſcovering of ſecrets, Haſty or indiſcreet, Threatning, Raſh Promiſes and Vows, Idle words, Loquacity, or Immoderate talkativeneſs, Filthy talking, Scurrility, or fooliſh Jeſting, Tale-telling, Raiſing of rumors, Sinful ſilence, Raſh cenſuring, Malicious informing, Whispering.
3. Conſider we the laſt Judgement, when men ſhall give account for every idle word; Mat. 12.36.37.for by our words we muſt be juſtified, and by our words we muſt be condemned. Will it not be a fearful Bill, wherein muſt be written every word that we ſpoke all our life long? O let us tremble to think of it, and judge and condemn our ſelves, and ſeal up our lips with amazement, as if we were ſtruck dumb.
4. Let us ever after ſet a watch at the door of our lips: I ſaid, Pſa. 39.2.I will take heed to my ways, that I ſin not with my tongue; I will keep my mouth with a bridle. It is ſtoried, That when this verſe was read, or Lectured upon to a religious perſon, he cryed out,Tripart. lib. cap. 1. Stay there, and I will hear the reſt when I have learned that verſe: A long time after being demanded, Why he returnrd not to his old Maſter, he anſwered, that As yet he was not perfect in his firſt leſſon: And hence the Apoſtle could ſay, If any man offend not in word, the ſame is a perfect man, and able alſo to bridle the whole body. Iames 3.2.It is an hard work to bridle the tongue, and therefore we had need to watch over it.
5. Pray we the Lord for the guidance of his Spirit in right governing of our tongue; The preparation of the heart in man, Prov 16.1.and the anſwer of the tongue, is from the Lord; and therefore prayed David, Pſal. 141.3.Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth, keep the door of my lips: Iames 3.6.O the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity, as the fire flies about, ſo the tongue is ſaid to have wings; as the fire aſſimulates and turns every thing into its own nature, ſo the tongue aſſimulates the hearts of men to whom it ſpeaks; we had need therefore to pray, that God will order this fire in our mouthes, leſt we kindle ſuch a fire in the breaſts of others, as we ſhall never live to quench again, and ſo kindle the fire of Gods wrath, which ſhall ſmoke to our deſtruction.
SECT. 7. Of the maner of examining our Actions.
THat we may rightly examine our actions (I mean ſuch actions as are matters and concernments of the ſoul, whether the work of ſaving grace, or the individual companions of this ſaving work, as Duties and Graces) obſerve we theſe Rules:
1. For the work of ſaving grace or Converſion, examine—
1. Whether ever our ſouls were wounded by a clear diſcovery and wide opening of our many ulcerous ſecret corruptions? Whether ever they were affected and preſſed with a through ſence and feeling of the fierce wrath of God, ready to break out into unquenchable flames of vengeance againſt us?
2. Whether after theſe bruiſings and breakings, our ſouls ever caſt their eyes upon that infinite ſea of Gods mercy, gloriouſly ſtreaming through the bleeding wounds of Jeſus Chriſt upon every truly broken, contrite and wounded heart? Whether ever they ſetled and faſtned their ſight ſtedfaſtly upon their bleſſed Redeemer, as he was hanging on the Croſs, ſtrugling with his Fathers wrath for our ſins, and crying out at laſt, It is finiſhed?
3. Whether after this ſight, and conſideration of the work of our Redemption, our ſouls ever hungred and thirſted after the precious blood of the Lord Jeſus, far more greedily and inſatiably, then ever the panting heart thirſted after the rivers of water? Whether ever with ſtrong cryes, prays, groans and ſighs, they threw themſelves with ſome comfort and confidence into the bleeding and bleſſed boſom of our dear Redeemer, and there hid themſelves ſweetly and deeply in his ſacred wounds, and goared ſide, from the eager purſuit of the wounding Law, the rage of Satan, and ſtingings of their own Conſciences?
4. Whether after this faſt-hold upon the Paſſion and Merits of Chriſt, our ſouls ever received this comfortable news, That we were pardoned, juſtified, intitled by the Covenant of grace unto a Crown of Immortality, and endleſs joys in the Heavens? Whether this ever melted us into an Evangelical Repentance, to bewail heartily all our ſins, and former wretchedneſs of life, for having ſo vilely and rebelliouſly grieved and offended ſo gracious and loving a Father?
5. Whether after theſe comforts and ſorrows, our ſouls ever reſolutely abandoned the practice of every groſs ſin, and threw out of their affections the liking and allowance of every the leaſt infirmity? Whether we have ever ſince ſetled our ſelves to holineſs of life, univerſal obedience to all Gods Commandments, though not in perfection and height of degree, yet in truth and ſincerity of heart?
It maybe every ſoul (truly converted) cannot ſpeak affirmatively to every of theſe Quaeres in intention, or height of meaſure, though for the ſubſtance they can; and if ſo, we may conclude, there is the work of ſaving grace.
2. For the individual companions of this ſaving work, as
Duties.
Graces.
1. For Duties, examine —
1. How we manage them before, in, and after the work? Of this we ſhall inform more particularly in moſt of the Duties, as we handle them in order.
2. What ſenſible and quickning communion we have with Chriſt in our Duties? This is the main buſineſs and end of all the Ordinances of Chriſt. It is ordinary with us to terminate our Devotions with a circular courſe of praying Morning and Evening, or of coming to Church every Lords day; we look no further, but onelyonly to the exerciſe of the body, we ſee not any thing in the power of Chriſt ſhining out in ſtrength in theſe Duties: And therefore examine we particularly—
1. Whether we have (in the uſe of any Divine Ordinance) an intimate, tender and effectual preſence of Chriſt himſelf with us?
2. Whether we have a conſtant influence, a quickning power of Spiritual refreſhing, a ſenſible Spiritual taſte of Divine love, or of God himſelf by this preſence of Chriſt? In right performance of Duties, we come to have fuller Union with Chriſt, and by this coming to him, we come to, and ſee the Father by him: And hence follows by this preſence of Chriſt, theſe three things, 1. Peace with, and a Spiritual joy in God: 2. A ſtrength communicated to walk with Chriſt, and in his power with God. 3. A ſealed aſſurance of eternal communion with God in glory.
2. For Graces, examine —
1. The truth of our Graces.
2. The growth of our Graces.
3. The wants of our Graces: All which we ſhall diſcuſs at large in the Sacrament of the Lords Supper.
SECT. 8. Of the time of our Self-Examination.
THe Scriptures have determined no ſet time, yet ſome rules there are, partly in Scripture, and partly preſcribed by holy men, which we may make uſe of, as thus:
1. There is no danger of ſurfetting upon too much; the oftner we reckon with our ſouls, the fewer things we ſhall have to reckon for every time; and the fewer things there be, the more readily will they be called to minde, and more exactly be ſcanned: This made Bernard Bern. in Cant. Serm. 58. fin.ſay of this work, If we will do it as often as we need, we muſt do it always.
2. The time that learned and devout men commend to us, is once every day: So Chryſoſtom, Chriſ. Exp. in Pſal. 4.Let this account be kept every day; — Have a little book in thy Conſcience, and write therein thy daily tranſgreſſions; and when thou layeſt thee down on thy bed, then bring forth thy book, and take an account of thy ſins.
3. The time that eſpecially Scripture holds forth to us, is at evening or at night: I call to remembrance, ſaid David, Pſal 77.6.my ſong in the night; I commune with my own heart, and my spirit made diligent ſearch: And thus he bids us,Pſal. 4.4. Chryſoſt. in loc. Commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be ſtill. Upon which words ſays Chryſoſtom, What means this that he ſaith, Commune with your own hearts upon your beds? q.d. after ſupper, when you lie down, and are ready to ſleep, and have great quietneſs and ſilence, without preſence or diſturbance of any, then erect a Tribunal for your own Conſciences.
4. Other times may be as occaſion requires: When the Church of Iſrael was in diſtreſs, and ſighed to God, then they encouraged each other, Let us ſearch and try our ways, Lam 3.40.and turn again to the Lord. When Chriſtians purpoſe to receive the Lords Supper, then Let a man examine himſelf, and ſo let him eat: 1 Cor. 11.28.When we obſerve days of Faſt for humiliation of our ſouls; or when we obſerve a Sabbath of Feaſts, or eſpecially when we are caſt down upon our ſick beds, and in expectation of our diſſolution, then it's time to examine, and to judge our ſelves, 1 Cor. 11.31.that we be not judged.
5. Beſides thoſe daily and caſual times, it is convenient alſo, after ſome good ſpace of time, to examine our ſelves over again, ex. gr. after a monethmonth or a year, to conſider our ſelves for the monethmonth or year paſt, that we may ſee how we have profited or decayed for that ſpace of time; for as our members grow, and our ſhape every day changeth, and our black hairs turn gray, while we perceive it not, yet after ſome ſpace of time, we may eaſily diſcern; ſo it is in our ſouls, beſides the manifeſt changes which ſometimes appear at the inſtant, there are certain inſenſible alterations, which are not to be diſcerned, but after ſome continuance of time: And for rectifying of theſe, it is neceſſary to take a more general view of our ſouls, in a monethly or yearly examination; by this means we ſhall ſee wherein we are better or worſe, how our zeal is encreaſed or decreaſed; if we are bettered ſince our laſt general account, we ſhall have occaſion to praiſe God; if otherwiſe, we muſt therefore be humbled, and blow the coals of zeal, and ſtir up the grace of God in us, that we may ſtrengthen the things which remain, Rev. 3.2.and are ready to dye.
To this purpoſe we read of many Ancients that were accuſtomed to keep Diaries or Day-books of their actions, and out of them to take an account of their lives: Such a Regiſter (of Gods dealings towards him, and of his dealings towards God in main things) the Lord put into a poor creatures heart to keep in the year 1641. ever ſince which time he hath continued it, and once a year purpoſes (by Gods grace) to examine himſelf by it; the uſe and end of it is this:
1. Hereby he obſerves ſomething of God to his ſoul, and of his ſoul to God. 2. Upon occaſion he pours out his ſoul to God in prayer accordingly, and either is humbled or thankful. 3. He conſiders how it is with him in reſpect of time paſt, and if he have profited in grace, to finde out the means whereby he hath profited, that he may make more conſtant uſe of ſuch means; or wherein he hath decayed, to obſerve by what temptation he was overcome, that his former errors may make him more wary for the future.
Beſides many other uſes, as of his own Experiences and Evidences, which he may (by the Lords help) gather out of this Diary.
SECT. 9. The daily Regiſter of a weak, unworthy Servant of Chriſt, for ſome years.
IT may be expected that I give ſome Example hereof; wherein, if I may any way advance Chriſt, or benefit his Church, though I lie in the duſt, I ſhall willingly, in ſuch things as are fitting to publiſh, ſubſcribe the daily Regiſter of a poor unworthy Servant of Chriſt, indeed one of the meaneſt of his Maſters family for ſome ſpace of time.
*Memorandum That in this Diary the year begins with January.1641.
JAnuary 24. This day came the news of my Mothers death, whom (for the daily prayers made, and many tears ſhed for me) I eſteemed as another Monica, and therefore I had cauſe to mourn for ſuch and ſo great a loſs.
May 20. This day in the Evening the Lord in his mercy poured into my ſoul the raviſhing joy of his bleſſed Spirit. O how ſweet was the Lord unto me? I never felt ſuch a lovely taſte of Heaven before: I believe this was the joyful ſound, the Kiſſes of his mouth, the Sweetneſſes of Chriſt, the Joy of his Spirit, the new wine of his kingdom; it continued with me about two days.
1642.
January 6. This day I obſerved a private Faſt in my houſe; where by the Spirit of Prayer in ſome Chriſtians, all hearts were warmed, affections moved, and Chriſt manifeſted his preſence in the midſt of us.
Feb. 2. I Preached (at the deſire of the people) the firſt Sermon that ever was Preached in Garſtange Chappel: I hope a bleſſed beginning, the Lord proſper the Word in that place.
Feb. 5. The Lord (as once before wonderfully) ſo this day again delivered me from the danger of fire, which had ſeized on ſome part of the houſe or ſtuff in it where I lived.
May 15. I firſt Preached againſt all Superſtitious vanities, and particularly againſt the Croſs in Baptiſm: This was the firſt occaſion of the peoples general diſcontent, ever ſince when ſome of them have been irreconcileable: Now begun the Diviſions of Church and State. Reformation proves an hard work. I received ſtrong conſolation afterwards out of Pſal. 37. v. 32, 33, 34. and out of Pſal. 57. throughout.
Aug. 2. This day I obſerved a private Faſt, with a godly Neighbor-Miniſter, wherein ſome of his, and ſome of my Hearers joyned: I took this as a fore-runner of Conſociation of Churches.
Novemb. 15. I was taken Priſoner, but ſome Gentlemen offered themſelves to be bound for my appearing when called; and ſo the Lord ſet me free: Now began the troubleſom times; and this year the Lord many a time aſſiſted me in the Preaching of his Word boldly to the Enemy, both above ordinary, and far above my ſelf.
1643.
Febr. 9. This day the Lord gave Preſton (which was kept Gariſon by the Commiſſioners of Array) into the Parliaments hands. I ſaw much of God in it; O that Preſton would have known, or yet would know the things belonging to its peace!
March 20. This day the Lord gave Preſton again into the hands of the Commiſſioners of Array, much blood was ſhed; I was taken Priſoner, and yet preſerved and delivered by the good hand of God.
July 5. The Affairs of this County were (by Gods Providence) ſo altered again, that this day we obſerved an holy Faſt, and Thankſgiving to God publikely, for his peoples deliverances in Lancaſhire. There was many mixtures this year of Gods frowns and ſmiles to his Saints.
1644.
Jan. 28. Many godly and ſweet Miniſters exiled from Yorkſhire, were provided for in Preſton, and the parts adjacent: And this day they were pleaſed to obſerve with me a private Faſt in my houſe; it was a comfortable day.
May 2. Bolton was taken: Colonel R. Forces Routed, and many a ſweet Saint ſlain; no Quarter would be given, ſo that it grew into a Proverb, Bolton-quarter (i.) preſent death without mercy: Now I removed into Yorkshire, and the Lord provided for me comfortably, eſpecially in Leeds.
June 14. Other two godly Miniſters of Lancaſhire with my ſelf, obſerved a publike Faſt in Leeds new Church: The beſt people in and about the Town joyned with us.
June 21. This day the ſame Miniſters joyned in a private day; ſome Chriſtians of the place joyned with us, and the Lord ſweetly inlarged our hearts: A good ſign that he would return favorable anſwers.
July 2. and 5. Two ſolemn Faſts were obſerved at Mancheſter: It was obſerved, That at the very ſame time of the former day, whileſt an holy grave Miniſter was praying, that the Lord gave us the Victory (which was the turn of England) over Prince Ruperts Forces.
July 10. and 11. were days of Thankſgiving obſerved at Mancheſter for the ſame Victory: They were two comfortable days.
Aug. 17. I returned to Preſton, and the next day Preached there before the General and Colonels: This was the Lords doings, to him be the glory and praiſe for ever.
1645.
Feb. 27. This day I had given me an Augmentation to my former Means; The Lord grant I may rightly improve it to his glory. Incline my heart unto thy teſtimonies, Pſal. 119 36.and not to covetouſneſs.
March 11. This day, with ſome other Chriſtians, I obſerved a private, but ſolemn day of Thankſgiving: The Duty no ſooner done, but News came to the houſe (which exceedingly heightned our joys in the Lord) that Briſtol was taken.
Decemb. 2. This day Latham-Hall was delivered into the Parliaments hands: It is obſerved, That as it was twice Beſieged, ſo on the ſame day twelve-monethmonth that the former Siege was raiſed, was the latter Siege laid; and it is ſuppoſed (as it was foretold by a well-wiſher to the houſe) that the blood ſhed at Bolton pulled down thoſe walls.
1646.
Febr. 8. This day, after the Lord had enabled me in the Preaching of his Word, one of my Hearers came to me with tears and complaints, doubting her caſe and Spiritual condition: Now the Lord bring in ſouls, and make his Word powerful unto them.
May 20. I came to Weddicre, which I did upon mature reſolution, every year about that pleaſant Spring time (if the Lord pleaſed) to retire my ſelf, and in ſome ſolitary and ſilent place to practiſe eſpecially the ſecret Duties of a Chriſtian: In this place are ſweet ſilent Woods, and therein this monethmonth, and part of the next, the Lord by his Spirit wrought in me Evangelical Repentance for ſin, gave me ſweet comforts, and Spiritual refreſhings in my commerce, and intercourſe with him, by Prayer, and Meditation, and Self-Examination, &c. diſcovered to me the cauſes of my many troubles and diſcouragements in my Miniſter…: whereupon I prayed more fervently, preſſed the Lord with his promiſes, ſet his Power, and Wiſdom, and Mercy on work;Pſa 66.19, 20 and ſo waited and believed, till the Lord anſwered every Petition, and I could not but obſerve his hand in it. This was a comfortable time to my ſoul. June 26. I returned home again.
Aug. 7. I was ill troubled concerning the Diviſions amongſt us, and the reproaches of ſome caſt upon me; but at laſt I drew comfort from Pſal. 37.4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
Aug. 23. I Preached, and all the hour the Stitch was ſore in my ſide; after Sermon I grew worſe, and my ſickneſs daily increaſed, the Phyſitian could not by any means give me eaſe: I then made my Will, gave Exhortations to the chief of my Hearers; yet after it pleaſed the Lord to recover me, and Septemb. 13. I Preached again, when Mr. A. joyned with me as Aſſiſtant. O the fruit of Prayers!
Decemb. 8. We obſerved a private Faſt: Some Miniſters joyned with me; it was a heavenly day, the Lord walking in the midſt of us. All glory to him.
1647.
March 1. This day Miſtris C. ſent for me, expreſſing that my Sermons of Eternity had ſtruck her with fear and trembling, and that ſhe was troubled in Conſcience, and deſired to be informed in Gods ways: I adviſed her, and prayed with her; many a tear came from her: The Lord by his Spirit work in her a through and ſaving Converſion.
March 3. Mr. B. a godly Miniſter in the North, being troubled in Conſcience, came to me, and deſired ſome Spiritual advice: After acknowledgement of my unfitneſs and weakneſs, I directed, as the Lord enabled. On March 8. we joyned in a private day of Humiliation; and the terror of Conſcience had ſo worn out his Spirit, and waſted his body, that he was not able (as he ſaid) to perform: yet deſiring him to depend on God, and to caſt himſelf on him for ability; he prayed with ſuch fervency, humility and brokenneſs of heart, that he opened the fountains of all eyes about him, and cauſed a flood of tears in my Chamber, I never ſaw the like day. All the glory to God.
March 29. This day I received a Letter from Mr. B. who expreſſed, That he had found a great and conſtant eaſe and quietneſs of minde, ever ſince that day he was by the good Providence of God caſt amongst us; and that he enjoyed that quietneſs, as Gods gracious return of our powerful Prayers. O our Father, hallowed be thy Name in this and all things.
March 30. I received a Letter from Mr. S.B. then at Warwick-houſe in L. who amongſt other things, complained of our great Diviſions, many fears, fruſtrated expectations; ſo that if God ſhew mercy now, 'twill be ſtrange to us: but this was our Unum Magnum, to have recourſe upwards, to ſhelter our ſelves there, and either to wait for better times, or our paſs for eternity: This Letter coming from ſo worthy, holy, and able a Divine, ſadned my heart exceedingly, which helped on the Duty of the next day, being a publike Faſt day.
April 1. Two Suns were ſeen in the Firmament by many in Preſton: I dare not ſtick in the natural cauſe, but rather conſider it as a token of Gods heavy diſpleaſure.
April 17. I received a Letter from Mr. C. Miniſter at H. who viſited with ſickneſs, expreſſed his grief for ſome former miſcarriages; deſiring that his head were waters, and his eyes a fountain of tears, to weep for his ſins: adding, That whatſoever I was minded to ſay to him, whether by way of Exhortation, Admonition or Reproof, it ſhould be heartily and lovingly accepted, and be as oyl, which ſhould not break his head. O Lord, make his Repentance ſincere, and ſanctifie his ſickneſs to his Spiritual advantage.
May 2. This day (after three years want) we adminiſtred and received the Sacrament of the Lords Supper; it was the moſt heavenly heart-breaking day (eſpecially at the time of the Ordinance) that of a long time we enjoyed: Many ſouls were raiſed, many hearts melted. Bleſſed be God.
May 19. This day I went to Weddicre, that in thoſe ſweet ſilent Woods (where I have found God many a time) I might fall upon the practice of ſome ſecret Duties, and enjoy ſweet communion with my Lord and my God; accordingly I found him in the ſeveral Duties of Self-Examination, Meditation, Prayer, Praiſes, &c. June 21. I returned home again.
June 26. I viſited (upon call) R. M. in his bed of ſickneſs, who confeſſed that the Lord made me an inſtrument of his ſouls Converſion; and now in his ſickneſs the Spirit of God had filled his ſoul with Comforts, and given him Aſſurance, which he drew from Chriſt in that precious Promiſe, Believe in the Lord Jeſus, Acts 16.31.and thou ſhalt be ſaved.
June 27. I viſited (upon call) E.W. whoſe heart God touched in the midſt of our Prayers, and ſhe received ſome Spiritual Comforts.
July 1. R. M. ſent for me again, and drawing to his end, he proclaimed Gods goodneſs, and ſweetneſs, and mercy, which were his laſt words; and after, in the midſt of our Prayers, he gave up the ghoſt. Now he enjoys that of which he had ſuch ſweet fore-taſtes. The next day I Preached his Funeral Sermon on that Text which he hit on for his comfort, when he cryed, It is come, it is come.
July 19. This night deſiring God to ſanctifie my ſleep and dreams, that I ſinned not in them: I dreamed, that after ſome troubles of life, my time limitted was at an end, and that I heard the very voyce of God calling me by name into his glorious Kingdom; whither when I came, heavenly ornaments were put upon me by the hand of God, and of Chriſt: My ſoul was exceedingly raviſhed. The Lord grant I may make ſome uſe of this, to be more heavenly-minded, and to breathe more after Chriſt.
July 27. E.W. dyed in midſt of our Prayers; the day after was our Monethly Faſt; which done, I Preached again her Funeral Sermon, and the Lord was then pleaſed ſo to inlarge my heart, and to pour words into my mouth, that I am confidently perſwaded he ſpake in me, and by me. O Lord bleſs thy word to the people, and inable me ſtill by the power of thy might.
Octob. 4. This day I was called by ſome diſcontented Brethren to a private Faſt: I conſtrued this as good news from Heaven, was obedient unto it, and joyned with them. Some ſparkles of former love ſtill remained in every one of us: notwithſtanding former breaches, I truſt God will by degrees unite our hearts more and more.
Octob. 12. This day I was told by a godly Miniſter Mr. C. that Mr. B. reſiding in Glaſco, and lighting by Providence on my Book of the Firſt and Laſt things, it was a means (as he acknowledged) of his Converſion; at this time he was ordained Miniſter by the L. Claſſis, and reported to be a holy and able man. Glory and praiſe to thee, O my Lord and my God.
Octob. 15. A Letter full of Invectives, without any Name ſubſcribed, was in the night caſt into my houſe: I gueſs the man, but I deſire to look up to God, to ſearch my own heart, and to binde the Reproofs as a Crown unto my head; be the Author who he will, I much matter not, Pſal. 27.11, 12, 13, 14.
Novemb. 29. This night I was told that Miſtris E. D. was upon my Prayer the laſt Faſt troubled in Conſcience; and that ſince ſhe had much talked of me, and deſired to ſee me, but her Companion concealing it, ſhe now apprehended the time was paſt, and utterly deſpaired: I ſent to her, and at her firſt entrance into my Chamber, ſhe cryed, O that face! I dare not look on it! Shall ſuch a loſt creature as I look upon thee? — Had I ſeen thee yeſternight, I might have been ſaved; but now I am loſt time is paſt; — O the terrors of the Lord are upon me, &c. yet after ſhe was pleaſed to hear me pray: And then I adviſed her, To ſearch out her ſin — To ſubmit to the Lord, to wonder at Gods mercy, that yet ſhe lived, and was on this ſide Hell; — To acknowledge Gods Juſtice; — To bear the indignation of the Lord; — Not to quarrel with the Lord; — Not to limit him to this or that time; — To learn Eli's and David's leſſon, Here I am, let him do with me as ſeemeth him good in his own eyes. To this ſhe ſpake ſenſibly, acknowledging God to be righteous, That ſhe deſerved the ſtate ſhe was in; yet promiſed to yield, and to be quiet under Gods hand, and to ſearch out her ſins: ſo for that time we parted. After this I underſtood ſhe grew to a deep melancholy, took Phyſick, but before ſhe was cured, ſhe was took by her friends into Ireland.
Decemb. 5. I was very weak in body; yet being deſired, I went out to pray for R. G. who received thereby ſome ſoul-comfort, and within an hour after departed this life.
1648.
January 24. I was troubled in minde to hear, and conſider of the many oppoſitions I found in my Miniſtery; at night I read a feeling paſſage in Rogers on Judges 13. thus: — I have often thought it Gods mercy, to keep the knowledge of ſuch diſcouragements from them that are to enter into the Miniſtery, leſt they ſhould be deterred wholly from it, till by experience they be armed againſt it.
March 17. I had news of a Juſtice of Peace who took offence at ſome paſſages in my Sermon before the Judges; and after a Meſſenger came to me from the Judges themſelves, to give me an account of the Aſſizes, and eſpecially of the Tryal of the Jeſuit S. concerning whom was the exception taken.
May 3. We had ſudden news of ſome Cavaliers driven out of Scotland, and drawing towards us: At morning, in order of our Family-duty, we read Pſal. 124. and at night 1 Pet. 5.7. both which places refreſhed and cheared my ſoul.
May 5. We had bleſſed news from London, of an happy accord betwixt the Parliament, City and Army; a ſtrange alteration on a ſudden: Thus God, when he pleaſeth, wheels things about, and is that Spirit in the wheels.
May 7. I adminiſtred the Sacrament of the Lords Supper; wherein I found much ſweetneſs, and bleſſed impreſſions of the Spirit of Chriſt, and Spiritual inlargements above my ſelf, and a return of Prayers, in that the Lord hedged his Sacrament, that ſome ſuch came not in, whom I deſired to keep out. Halleluiah. Bleſſed be God.
May 16. I came to Weddicre, to renew my engagements and loves with my Lord and my God this Spring alſo: My ground is that of Cant. 2.11, 12.Cant. 2.11, 12 Come my beloved, let us go forth into the fields, &c. there will I give thee my loves. The bridegroom of our ſouls (ſaid Bernard) is baſhful, and more frequently viſits his bride in the ſolitary places.
May 17. I went into the ſolitary Woods, to practiſe the ſecret Duties of a Chriſtian: No ſooner ſtepped in, but the green Trees, and Herbs, and the ſweet ſinging of Birds, ſtirred up my ſoul to praiſe God. After, I begun my work, and continued it during that monethmonth: At ſeveral times I ran through the Duties of Watchfulneſs, Self-Examination, Experiences, Meditation, the Life of Faith; and many a time I felt many ſweet ſtirrings of Chriſts Spirit: The Lord Jeſus appeared to my ſoul, gave me the kiſſes of his mouth, eſpecially in my Prayers to, and praiſes of his Majeſty. Surely thou art my Lord, and I will praiſe thee: Thou art my God, and I will exalt thee. Halleluiah. Iune 19. I returned home again.
Iune 20. I obſerved this day an experimental truth, That it is the nature of Mortification to preſs forwards to have more vertue from Chriſt: So a Chriſtian ſhould 1. Prevail againſt the outward act of luſt: 2. Againſt the riſing and rowling of it in his fancy: 3. He ſhould then come to hate it, and the thought of it. O Lord write this Law in my heart.
Iuly 3. I obſerved with ſome Chriſtians a private Faſt, for the removal of Gods hand in immoderate Showers, Sword, Peſtilence, &c. and the next day we obſerved a publike Faſt to the ſame purpoſe. O when will the Lord return anſwers!
Iuly 12. We had news that the Scots had invaded this Kingdom.
Auguſt 1. In the morning, a little before day, I dreamed fearfully of Satans being buſie with me about my bed, and in terror I awaked; the night was rough: Hereupon I meditated on Gods Judgements now abroad on the earth. After in my Family-duty was read Pſal. 103. and from ver. 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. whence I drew ſome Spiritual comfort.
Aug. 5. I read the Story of Miſtris Sarah Wight; I found many a ſweet paſſage in it, that exceedingly affected me, and melted my heart. Now the Lord Chriſt be magnified and exalted, whom I deſire to be my All in All.
Aug. 6. I read a Story of the Indians receiving the Goſpel in New-England, written by Mr. T. Shepherd, wherein was expreſſed many gracious impreſſions of God upon them, as the precious firſt-fruits of America to Jeſus Chriſt, it much affected my heart to read it. All glory to God.
Aug. 9. Upon further advance, and near approach of D. Hamilton and the Scots, I was forced to remove; and preſently after I heard the enemy was come into Preſton.
Aug. 16. A Faſt was upon the occaſion obſerved in Mancheſter. In my preparation unto it (reading in the Bible) I light upon Iſa. 49.17.—51.12, 13. After the Duty begun, the Lord kept my heart up as in a flame: The day was ſweetly obſerved, but the Concluſion of it (when Mr. Angier prayed) was exceeding ſweet; his Prayer was ſo working, that I believe it melted all hearts: and for my own, it pleaſed the Lord ſo to ſoften it, and break it, that (ſo far as I can remember) it was never in ſuch a melting frame in any publike Ordinance before.
Aug. 22. I returned to Preſton, and ſaw the wonderful works of God, and heard of many miracles of Mercies; — as 1. That the Infantry of the Scots was ruined, 150 Colours taken from them, 36 Barrels of Powder, 100 Barrels of Match, 6000 weight of Bullet, 5000 Muskets, 2000 Pikes, the Enemy being above 30000, and the Parliament forces not above 9000.— 2. That no place (whither the Enemy came) eſcaped Plundering, except Preſton, which was prevented by the Armies coming in the very nick of time.— 3. That proviſion of meat was brought into the Town-Hall for the Scots, to the value of a thouſand pounds at leaſt, but the Armies ſeaſonable march ſaved that proviſion for themſelves.—4. That ſome of the Scots in the pangs of death cryed out, They had broken the Covenant, notwithſtanding that the word COVENANT was interwoven in their Colours. Upon meditation of the whole buſineſs, I believed that the Lord heard my Prayers: 1. In that my heart ſympathized: 2. In that my heart was filled with joy in the accompliſhment: 3. In that the Mercy concerned me, in reſpect of my perſon, Family, Congregation, as much as any other.
Aug. 30. and 31. we obſerved as days of publike Thankſgiving to God.
Septemb. 25. R.H. dyed: In his life he was incontinent, and run away with a Journeymans wife that wrought with him; he was a frequenter of Alehouſes, and kept in his Shop a Jugge, which he called Jack of Newberry, of large ſize, which he would have ſent to the Alehouſe ſometimes about, and ſometimes above twenty times in one day: He was a great Prophaner of the Lords day, and ordinarily would have wrought in the way of his Calling on it: Once being demanded to pay Layes, he anſwered, How could they honeſtly demand moneys of him, that would not ſuffer him to work; there were but ſeven days in the week, and one day he muſt watch, and another day he muſt Faſt, and a third day he muſt reſt from his work, becauſe it was the Lords day. But this wicked life had a miſerable end: for ſome weeks together he conſumed away; at which time of his weakneſs, Mr. T.A. adviſed him to repent, to whom he anſwered in loud language, Let me alone, let me alone: Another adviſed him to call upon God; to whom he anſwered, I care not for God, and God cares not for me: A Gentlewoman adviſed him to ſend for the Miniſter to pray for him; to whom he anſwered, Yes, when I have need: and the party then going from him, he bade, The Devil go with her. Upon remembrance of that Text (which he often repeated) No unclean perſon hath any inheritance in the Kingdom of Chriſt; he concluded, That then he ſhould never ſee Gods face in his Kingdom. One whole night (which was terrible to the hearers) he ſpent in curſing himſelf and others, bidding often, The Devil take thee, and the Devil fetch me: Sometimes he was heard to ſay to the by-ſtanders, See, do you not ſee that black grim fellow that ſtands there? there will be whisking even now: The very day before he dyed, he drank eighteen Cans of Ale, and (without any viſible repentance) the day after, he dyed, without any man or woman in preſence, to the amazement of them who firſt found him dead. O Preſton take warning!
Octob. 23. I had this Relation, That one Sir G.C. of an ancient Family, ſprung from many Knights, was much addicted to the ſin of Uncleanneſs: An ancient Hall he had, which for the ſtatelyneſs he Idolized; he left behinde him one Son, and two Daughters: His on Sir H. C. followed his Fathers ſteps, and had onelyonly two Sons lawfully begotten, whereof his yonger dyed firſt, together with his Lady; and the other Son having a Maid to wait upon him, ſhe brought the Peſtilence into the family, of which his Son and Heir dyed alſo: He himſelf (now being in a Conſumption) ſaid, That he knew his houſe was come to its period. About this time his fair houſe was made a Gariſon, by which means all his Barns and buildings about it were pulled down; but the ſtorm being over, he began to repair the houſe, and two Workmen being lately come out of Ireland, having the bloody Flux, brought that diſeaſe into the Family; hereupon he removed: And when the houſe was clear, he returned, and began again to repair the Building; but then the Peſtilence by ſome means or other was brought into the Family, and ſo he was forced to remove again: The houſe once again cleanſed, he (being now far ſpent in his Conſumption) deſired two days before his death to be carried to it, ſaying, He muſt be the laſt of that houſe, and he would dye where his Father dyed before him; accordingly his Servants conveyed him thither in a Chair. His great affliction was the want of an Heir, and eſpecially that he knew none of his own Name in England (except Baſtards) to whom he might convey his Eſtate: But after much enquiry, he was reſolved that there was a Gentleman near his Name (it being but a ſyllable longer) who lived near the City of Y. This pleaſed him ſo well, that he made him (though a ſtranger) the Heir of all his Lands: In the mean while one of his Siſters dyed, and he himſelf (being conveyed as aforeſaid) dyed in the ſame place he ſo much deſired. There was none now alive of that Family, except one Siſter, and ſhe not long after his death, dyed alſo; at whoſe very time of death (as it was obſerved by ſtrict calculation) a fire (not known certainly how) ſeized on that ſtately Hall, which was ſo vehement, that none could quench it, till at leaſt two parts of it were burnt to the very ground. Here's a Looking-glaſs for all unclean perſons, and vain-glorious worldlings.
November 6. At night in my ſleep I was exceedingly troubled with fearful dreams of the Kings danger in reference to his perſon, and of great Commotions in the Kingdom, and Uproars every where; and that I was got into the throng, and could not avoid: At my waking I was exceedingly troubled.
Novemb. 8. Some Chriſtians with me joyned in a day of Humiliation, and ſought God for a bleſſing on our Conferences the beginning of this Winter ſeaſon.
Novemb 14. A publike Faſt was obſerved in Preſton, for a bleſſing on the Provincial Meeting. Mr. A. and Mr. H. undertook the Burthen, and performed it very ably and ſweetly.
Decemb. 6. The Army (as I heard) turned the City Guard back, as they were going to the Parliament Houſe, and undertook the Guard themſelves; after, forty one Members were ſeized on, and carried away, and the next day they turned all others back, whom they judged not expedient to ſit in the Houſe.
Decemb. 25. was a day of jollity to all about us; but ſome Chriſtians conſidering the evil days we lived in, joyned with me in humbling our ſelves, and we found by ſweet experience, that It is better to be in the houſe of mourning, then in the houſe of mirth.
1649.
January 30. The King (as I heard) was Beheaded before White-hall: The news came to me on Feb. 3. and on Feb. 4. I obſerved a day of Humiliation with my own Family; which was helped on (for ſome part of the day) by the publike Ordinances: my ground was 2 Sam. 1.12.
Feb. 16. news, That the Commons Voted the Houſe of Peers uſeleſs and dangerous, and therefore to be aboliſhed: As alſo, That the Office of a King in this Nation is unneceſſary, burthenſom, and dangerous to the Liberty, Safety, and publike Intereſt of the People of this Nation, and therefore alſo to be aboliſhed. To this purpoſe …hey Voted further, That the Oathes of Allegiance and Supremacy ſhould from henceforth be made void, and never more impoſed upon any People in this Nation: On March 14. Acts were brought in to theſe purpoſes: Hoſ. 3.4.— 10.3, 4.
April 2. Some Chriſtians with me joyned in a private Thankſgiving day, for Gods aſſiſtance and gracious appearings in our Winter Conferences: It was a comfortable day. All glory to God.
April 7. news, that the Lord Major of London refuſing to Proclaim the Act for taking away Kingly Government, was put out of his Majoralty, put into the Tower, Fined Two thouſand pounds: And that four Miniſters were ſent for by the Commons out of this County, to anſwer for their Papers againſt the Agreement of the People, whereof my ſelf (the moſt unworthy) was one.
April 8. I preached upon that ſubject of the Two Witneſſes, and cleared it by Scripture proofs, That they were Magiſtrates and Miniſters, and that the time of their killing is yet to come: Zech. 4.14. Rev. 11.3, 4, 7, 10.
April 10. Some Chriſtians with me obſerved a private day of Humiliation, in reference to our ſins and manifold miſeries threatning us more and more: It was a good day. O Lord return favorable anſwers.
April 20. I received a Summons from the Committee of Plundred Miniſters, to appear before them, and to anſwer all ſuch matters as ſhould be objected againſt me, concerning a Paper entituled, The Agreement of the People taken into conſideration, &c. by the Miniſters of the Province of Lancaſter; The next day I went up towards London.
May 5. I appeared, with the reſt of my Brethren, before the Committee: where we confeſſed our Subſcription, and owned the Papers for the ſubſtance of them. On May 10, 13, 21, 22, 23, 24, we appeared again, and were not at all queſtioned of any thing in the Book, but ſome few Interrogatories were made, Whether we owned the preſent State-Government, and would ſubmit to it? we had many precious Prayers put up to God for us in the City, many Prayers and private Faſts for us in the Countrey, many ſweet incouraging Letters both from Miniſters and people in our own parts, and many unexpected friends and acquaintance ſtirred up by God whereſoever we came; the Lord incouraged and inabled us from time to time, ſo that the laſt day Mr. M. (Chairman of the Committee, in whoſe eyes we found favor) wiſhed publikely there, I would the buſineſs of the Lancaſhire Miniſters were well rid out of our hands. All glory and praiſe be to our good God.
May 6. and 27. I received the Sacrament of the Lords Supper at the hands of Mr. Nalton and Mr. Aſh: Their Exhortations, Prayers, Conſecration and Adminiſtring of the Sacrament, exceedingly melted my heart. Bleſſed be God for them: Bleſſed be they of the Lord.
May 28. Upon ſerious conſideration of the manifold miſcarriages both in Church and State, which I obſerved ſince my coming to London, I had ſome reſolutions to ſpend the remainder of my uncertain days in a more retired and private way. At this time I ſet out of London, and left this Book in the Stationers hands for the Preſs. The Lord bleſs it to his people for his Names ſake. Amen.