The Middle Things, Chapter 9
CHAP. IX.
SECT. 1. Of the nature of Family-duties.
HItherto of the Duties which concern every man in his own particular; next to them ſucceed Family-duties: And they are ſuch Duties as ought to be joyntly or respectively obſerved by the families and houſes of the people of God. This is implyed by that threat, Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not,Ier. 10.25. and upon the families that call not on thy Name; and by that example of Joſhua, But as for me and my houſe, we will ſerve the Lord;Ioſh 24.15. Ier. 31.1. and by that promiſe of God, At the ſame time, ſaith the Lord, will I be the God of all the families of Iſrael, and they ſhall be my people.
SECT. 2. Of the preparatives to Family-duties.
NOw that we may comfortably carry on theſe Family-duties, obſerve we
1. Our entrance into them.
2. Our proceedings in them.
1. For entrance, we muſt lay a good foundation for tractableneſs unto Religion in thoſe that belong to this Family, as
1. In the governor.
2. In the governed.
1. In the governor; whoſe duty it is
1. To endeavor in a ſpecial maner for knowledge in Gods word, and for holineſs of converſation in a Chriſtian walking; this would tend much to the preſervation of his authority, who otherwiſe will be ſlighted and diſregarded, through an aptneſs in inferiors to take occaſion therefrom.
2. To marry in the Lord, and then to live chaſtly in wedlock,1 Cor. 7.39. that there may be an holy ſeed:Mal. 2.15. Now that he may marry in the Lord, 1. Let piety be the mover of his affection, and perſonage, parentage and portion, be onelyonly as a comfortable acceſſary, conſiderable in a ſecond place: Chriſtianity and grace is the chief golden link and noble tye, which hath the power and priviledge to make marriage a lovely and everlaſting bond. 2. Let him ply the throne of Grace with fervency of prayer; a good wife is a more immediate gift of God: whence Solomon could ſay, Houſes and riches are the inheritance of fathers, Prov. 19.14.but a prudent wife is from the Lord: ſuch a rare and precious jewel is to be ſued and ſought for at Gods Mercy-ſeat with extraordinary importunity and zeal; and if ſhe be procured at Gods hand by prayer, he ſhall finde a thouſand times more ſweetneſs and comfort, then if ſhe be caſt on him by an ordinary providence. 3. Let him obſerve and mark theſe ſix points in his choyce; as, 1. The Report: 2. The looks: 3. The ſpeech: 4. The apparel: 5. The companions: 6. The education: Theſe are like the pulſes, that ſhew the fitneſs and godlineſs of any party with whom he ought to marry.
3. To beware whom he admits to dwell with him, that they be tractable unto religious courſes: See Davids reſolution herein, Mine eyes ſhall be upon the faithful of the land, Pſa. 101.6, 7.that they may dwell with me: he that walketh in a perfect way ſhall ſerve me; he that worketh deceit, ſhall not dwell within my houſe; he that telleth lyes, ſhall not tarry in my ſight.
2. In the governed; whoſe duty it is both to joyn together in the performance of Family-duties with their governor, to ſubmit to his government:Pro. 1.8, 9. My ſon, hear the inſtruction of thy father, and forſake not the law of thy mother, for they ſhall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.
Theſe preparatives I pin upon the front or porch of this Family: Now to the Family-duties themſelves, and how they muſt be exerciſed.
SECT. 3. Of the Duties of Governors in general.
IN the proceedings of theſe Family-duties, we are to conſider the Duties
1. Of the governors.
2. Of the governed.
1. The governors, if (as it is in marriage) there be more then one; as firſt, the chief governor, to wit, the Husband; ſecondly, the helper, to wit, the Wife: both theſe owe Duties to their Families, and Duties to one another.
1. The Duties they owe to their Families, are either
In general to the whole.
In particular, according to their ſeveral relations.
1. That which in general they owe to the whole Family, is either to their
Bodies.
Souls.
1. To their Bodies; concerning which, ſaith the Apoſtle, He that provideth not for his own, 1 Tim 5.8.and especially for thoſe of his own houſe, he hath denied the faith, and is worſe then an infidel. Now as the Spirit of God chargeth us with this duty, ſo he ſetteth us about ſuch things whereby this may be compaſſed; as, 1. That every one ſhould have ſome honeſt and good calling, and walk diligently in it; Let him that ſtole, Eph. 4.28.ſteal no more (ſaith the Apoſtle) but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing which is good. 2. That he bear a low ſail, and keep within compaſs; remembring that of Solomon, He that is despiſed, and hath a ſervant, is better then he that honoreth himſelf, and lacketh bread.Prov. 12 9.
2. To their Souls; concerning which, ſome duties they are to
Perform to the Family.
Require of the Family.
1. The Duties they muſt perform to them, are—
1. To provide that they may live under the publike Miniſtery, for otherwiſe how ſhould they be brought into the ſheepfold of Chriſt, if they hear not the voyce of the chief Shepherd ſpeaking unto them by thoſe whom he hath ſent?
2. To overſee the ways of their Families, that they ſerve God; and as in all other duties, ſo eſpecially in ſanctifying the Sabbaths: To this the very words in the fourth Commandment, do binde all Maſters of families: Remember, thou and thy ſon, and thy daughter, thy man-ſervant, and thy maid;—Where the Lord ſpeaks by name to the Governors, as if he would make them overſeers of this work of ſanctifying his Sabbaths.
3. To ſet their houſe in order for the ſervice of God, to offer prayers and praiſes to the Lord morning and evening, before and after meals:Pſal 55.17. This was Davids practice, Evening and morning, and at noon will I pray and cry aloud, and he ſhall hear my voyce; and this was Jobs practice,Iob 1.5. who ſent for, and ſanctified his ſons and daughters, and roſe up early in the morning, and offered burnt-offerings, according to the number of them all:—Thus did Job continually: And this was Abrahams practice whereſoever he came,Gen. 12.7. & 13.4. & 21.33. to build an Altar to God, where God ſhould be worſhipped joyntly of him and his family: And this was Chriſts practice for himſelf and his family, Matthew 14.19. and 26.30. John 17.1.
4. To inſtruct their families privately in matters of Religion, that they may not onelyonly profeſs, but feel the power of Religion in their lives and converſations: This duty hath theſe ſpecials belonging to it,
1. A familiar catechizing of them in the principles of Religion:Deut 6.7. Thus were Parents commanded of old, Thou ſhalt teach theſe words diligently unto thy children, and ſhalt talk of them when thou ſitteſt in thine houſe, Prov 22.6.and when thou walkeſt by the way, and when thou lieſt down, and when thou riſeſt up.
2. A daily reading of Scriptures in their hearing, directing them to mark and to make uſe of them: So Timothy was trained up by his parents,2 Tim. 3.15. and that from his childehood.
3. A careful endeavoring that they may profit by the publike Miniſtery: To this end 1. They muſt prepare them to hear the Word, by conſidering Gods Ordinances, Promiſes, and their own neceſſities. 2. They muſt remember them to look in the Word for a Chriſt, and for communion with Chriſt. 3. They muſt examine them after the Ordinances, what they have learned, and what uſe they can make of it; thus Chriſt, after he had preached a parable to his diſciples, he ſaid unto them, Know you not this parable, and how then will you know all parables? Mark 4.13.and then he expounds the parable to them.
2. The duties they are to require of the family, are both carefully to frequent the publike Miniſtery, and diligently to be converſant in the private worſhip of God, and conſtantly to practice all holy and Chriſtian duties compriſed briefly in the Commandments of God; and they are to require theſe things, not onelyonly by telling them, calling on them, catechizing them, admoniſhing them, but if they be negligent, by correcting them.
Now this correction muſt be miniſtred in
Wiſdom.
Patience.
1. In wiſdom, whoſe property it is to finde out the right party that committed the fault, to conſider of what ſort and nature the fault is, to weigh circumſtances of age, diſcretion and occaſions; and to look to the minde of the doer, whether negligence or meer ſimplicity brought him to it.
2. In patience, whoſe property it is to make the fault manifeſt to the offendor, that his conſcience may be touched therewith; to hear what the offendor can ſay in his own defence, and accordingly to allow or diſſallow; to avoid bitterneſs, which ſooner will harden the heart, then reform the maners of the offendor: Theſe Rules being obſerved, and the heart lifted up in prayer to God for direction and bleſſing, this Correction is neceſſary, as is evident in Gen. 30.2. Prov. 13.24. and 19.18.
Theſe are the duties that Governors owe to their families, in reſpect of their ſouls; to correct them, catechize them, admoniſh them, call on them, read to them, pray for them, &c. onelyonly with theſe limitations:
1. That they preſume not above their callings: This was Pauls Exhortation, That no man take this honor to himſelf, but he that is called of God, as was Aaron: The honor here,Heb. 5.4. is the honor of the publike Miniſtery, except that, and I know not but that every Governor of a family, who hath ſpecial abilities, utterance, memory, may read Scriptures, repeat Sermons, pray, teach and inſtruct them out of Scriptures, 1 Pet. 4.10.Gen. 35.2. Thus Jacob ſaid to his houſhold, Put away the ſtrange gods that are among you: Heb. 7.7. 1 Cor. 14.35. Orig. hom. 9. in Levit.And without all contradiction (ſaith the Apoſtle) the leſs is bleſſed of the better: And if the women would learn any thing, let them ask their huſbands at home; thus Oriegn would have the Word expounded in Chriſtian families; and Auguſtine ſaith, That which the Preacher is in the pulpit, the ſame is the houſholder in the houſe.
2. That they preſume not above their gifts: This was Pauls Exhortation to every man,Rom 12.3. Not to think of himſelf more highly then he ought to think, but to think ſoberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the meaſure of faith; yet I deny not but in ſome caſes they may lawfully depute or ſubſtitute ſome one in the family, whom they judge fitteſt unto the ſervice and imployment, which they themſelves ſhould ordinarily perform, as in caſe of old age and weakneſs of body;1 Sam. 8.1. Thus Samuel being old, made his ſons Judges: Or in want of good utterance or expreſſion of what is to be ſaid;Exod. 4.16. thus Aaron was Moſes his ſpoakſman, and in ſtead of a mouth: Or in want of boldneſs and audacity, ariſing from a conſciouſneſs of weakneſs; thus the good Centurion ſent the Elders of the Jews to Chriſt to intercede for him:Luke 7.3. Or in caſe that a Miniſter of the Goſpel do ſojourn in ones family, as Archippus did in Philemon his houſe:Phil. ver. 2. Or in caſe of neceſſary abſence;1 Theſſ. 3.1, 2 thus the Apoſtle Paul made Timothy his deputy to the Chriſtian Theſſalonians: Or in caſe the Lord hath beſtowed more of his gifts and graces to one then another: I know not in this caſe,1 Cor. 12.31. but that we may Covet earneſtly the beſt gifts in others, as well as in our own ſelves.
SECT. 4. Of the Duties of Parents to their Children.
THe Duties in particular which Governors owe to the Family, according to their relations, are either
As Parents to their Children.
As Maſters to their Servants.
The duties of Parents to their children, are either
To their bodies.
To their ſouls.
1. The Duties of Parents to the bodies of their children, are in many particulars, but may be all compriſed under this one head, A provident care for their Temporal good; and this extendeth it ſelf to all times, as,
1. To their infancy.
2. To their youth.
3. To the time of Parents departure out of this world.
1. The firſt age of a childe is his infancy, and the firſt part of its infancy, is while it remaineth in the Mothers womb: Here the Duty lies principally upon the mother, to have a ſpecial care of it, that it may be ſafely brought forth. Why was the charge of abſtaining from wine, ſtrong drink, and unclean things, given to Manaohs wife, but becauſe of the childe which ſhe had conceived?Iudg. 13 4.
The next degree of a childes infancy, is while it is in the ſwadling-band, and remains a ſucking childe; in this alſo the care more eſpecially lies on the mother, whoſe duty it is to take all pains ſhe poſſibly may, for the education of her childe; and eſpecially to give her childe ſuck, if ſhe be able thereto: This not onelyonly Nature, but Scripture ſets forth;
1. By Conſequence, Gen. 49.25. Hoſea 9.14. 1 Tim. 5.10.
2. By Example, Gen. 21.7. 1 Sam. 1.23. Pſal. 22.9.
3. By Grant, the Word giving it as a ruled caſe not to be denied, Gen. 21.7. Cant. 8.1. Luke 11.27.
2. The ſecond age of a childe is its youth, from the time it begins to be of any diſcretion, till it be fit to be placed forth: Now the duty of Parents at this time is,
1. To nouriſh.
2. To nurture their children.
Under nouriſhment, are compriſed Food, Apparel, Recreation, means for recovery of health when they are ſick; in which if Parents provide not for their Children, they are worſe then Infidels: And under nurture, are compriſed good maners, a good calling, frequent admonition, reprehenſion, correction, the laſt remedy, which may do good when nothing elſe can, Prov. 19.18.—23.13, 14.—29.17.
3. The laſt time to which parents provident care extendeth it ſelf, is the time of their departure out of the world, & then they are to ſet their houſe in order, & to leave their eſtates to their children.
2. The duties of Parents to the ſouls of their children, extends it ſelf alſo to all times, as,
1. To their Infancy.
2. To their Youth.
3. To the time of Parents departure out of this world.
1. The firſt age of a childe, is his infancy: and the firſt part of its infancy, is while it remaineth in the mothers womb. Now the duty of parents at that time are theſe: 1. That they pray for their children:Gen. 25.22. Thus did Rebekah, while the children were quick in her womb. Thoſe parents that neglect this duty to their children, conſider not rightly that they are conceived in ſin: and 2. That they make ſure (ſo much as in them lies) that their children be born under the Promiſe, or under the Covenant, in reſpect of the Spiritual part of it: How? by making ſure that they be under the Promiſe or Covenant themſelves: If God in Chriſt be their God, they may have a comfortable hope, That God will be the God of their ſeed, according to the Promiſe, I will be thy God, Gen. 17.7.and the God of thy ſeed.
The next degree of a childes infancy, is when it is born: and the duty of parents then is, To give up their children unto God, caſting them into the hands of his Providence, into the arms of his Mercy, begging for them a gracious acceptation with God; and to tender them to the Ordinance, The Sacrament of Baptiſm, to get the ſeal of the Covenant ſet upon them, to get them mark'd out for ſalvation.
2. The ſecond age of a childe, is its youth: Now the Duty of Parents to their children at this time, is to train them up in true piety, To bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Epheſ. 6.4.To this end—
1. When children begin to read, let them read the holy Scriptures: 2 Tim 3.15.ſo was Timothy trained up from a childe; and thus will children ſuck in Religion with learning.
2. Let children be Catechized conſtantly from day to day; onelyonly with this caveat, That parents deal with their children, as skilful Nurſes and Mothers do in feeding their children, (i.) not to give them too much at once: overmuch dulls a childes underſtanding, and breeds weariſomneſs to it; it is moſt ſuitable to give them Precept upon precept, Precept upon precept, Line upon line, Iſa. 28.10.Line upon line, here a little, and there a little: Thus ſhall t…ey learn with eaſe and delight, and in time a great meaſure of knowledge will be gained thereby.
3. Let parents declare to their children, the admirable works that God in former times hath done for his Church, eſpecially ſuch works as he hath done in their time: outward ſenſible things do beſt work upon children, and therefore this direction was given under the Law, Joſh. 4.6, 21.Ioſh. 4 6, 21.
4. Let Parents be to their children a good patern in piety, leading them to Chriſt by their examples: This will take place with children, more then all precepts or paternal inſtructions: But as for me (ſaid Joſhua) and my houſe, we will ſerve the Lord; Ioſh. 24.15.he ſets himſelf firſt, as a guide to the reſt.
5. Let Parents reprove and correct their children for ſin; and that the Lord may ſanctifie this correction unto them, Conſider this, O ye parents, Do you obſerve ſuch and ſuch ſins in your children? enter into your own hearts, examine your ſelves, whether they come not from you: Conſider how juſtly the hand of God may be upon you: and when you are angry with your children, have an holy anger with your own ſelves, and uſe this or the like Meditation with your own ſouls, Lord, ſhall I thus puniſh my own ſin in mine own childe? ſhall I thus perſecute the corruptions of mine own anceſtors? how then mayest thou be diſpleaſed with me for the too carnal conception of my own childe? It may be, I then lay in ſome ſin, or I asked it not of thee by prayer: Be merciful to me, O Lord, and in thy good time, ſhew thou pity on me and my childe!
6. As children grow in years, and in the knowledge of Chriſt, and of juſtification by Chriſt, let Parents train them up in the exerciſe of all Duties, as Prayer, Meditation, Self-Examination, Watchfulneſs, and all means publike and private: if this be done, the world to come may reap the benefit of their education; ſuch children as you bring up, ſuch parents will they be (when you are gone) to their children; and ſuch children ſhall they have, who are parents in the next generation, &c. You then are the very making or marring of the world: but on the contrary, if this be neglected, the rich man ſhall riſe up againſt you in the day of Judgement, and condemn you; for he being in hell, had a care of his fathers houſe, that they might be forewarn'd, he deſired Abraham to ſend Lazarus to his brethren, to teſtifie unto them that they came not to that place of torment; but you will not admoniſh your children, you will not teach them Moſes and the Prophets; you will not ſhew them the danger of Gods heavy diſpleaſure hanging o…er their heads; you will not, whileſt you live, lead a good example before them: O you may fear that your children ſhall be Furies of hell to torment you. Now the Lord open your eyes to foreſee, and to fly theſe judgements to come.
3. The laſt time to which the Duty of Parents extends it ſelf, is the time of their departure out of the world, and then they owe to their children
Good direction.
Faithful prayer.
1. For direction: when Parents obſerve their time to draw near, it is their duty then eſpecially, to commend ſome wiſe and wholeſom precepts unto their children, the better to direct them in their Chriſtian courſe;Gen. 49.1, &c 1 Kin. 2.2, 3. 1 Chro. 28.9. ſo did Iſaac, and Jacob, and David: The words of a dying Parent are eſpecially regarded, and make a deeper impreſſion.
2. For prayer: then is the moſt proper time for parents to pray and to bleſſe all their children. As they commend their own ſouls into Gods hands, ſo let them commend their children unto Gods grace: Gods providence and promiſes are the beſt inheritance in the world, and if parents (in their prayers) leave theſe to their children, they can never want any thing that is good. O the faithful prayers of Parents for their Children (eſpecially when they are leaving their Children, and going to God) muſt needs, in, for and through Chriſt, prevail mightily with God.
SECT. 5. Of the Duties of Maſters to Servants.
THe Duty of Maſters to their Servants, is either
To their Bodies.
To their Souls.
1. The Duty of Maſters to the Bodies of their Servants, conſiſts in theſe particulars; viz. In a due proviſion of food for them, Prov. 31.15. & 27.27. In a wiſe care for their clothing, Prov. 31.21. In a well-ordering of their labor, ſo as they may be able to undergo it: In their eaſe, reſt, and intermiſſion from labor at ſeaſonable times: In paying them ſufficient wages, Deut. 24.14, 15. In a careful preſerving of their health, and uſing means for their recovery in caſe of ſickneſs, Mat. 8.6. and that not of the Servants wages, but of the Maſters own charge, otherwiſe they undo not the heavy burthen, Iſa. 58.6.but rather lay burthen upon burthen.
2. The Duties of Maſters to the Souls of their Servants, conſiſts in theſe particulars; viz. In teaching them the Principles of Religion, and all duties of Piety: In cauſing them to go to the publike Miniſtery of the Word and Worſhip of God: In taking account of their profiting by the publike and private means of Edification: In praying for them; and as they obſerve any grace wrought in them, in praiſing God for it, and praying for the encreaſe of it: Nothing ſo much wins a Servants heart, or the affections of any gracious heart, as the edifying of it in grace.
SECT. 6. Of the Duties of the Husband and Wife.
THe Duties which the chief governor and his helper owe to one another, are either
Common and mutual.
Proper and peculiar to each ſeverally.
1. The common mutual Duties betwixt Man and Wife, are either
Of neceſſity to the being of marriage; as
Matrimonial Ʋnity.Mat. 19.6. Tit. 2.5. Mal. 2.15.
Matrimonial Chaſtity.
Of honeſty to the welbeing of marriage; as a
Loving affection of one another.
Provident care of one for another.
The former Duties preſuppoſed: there ought to be—
1. A ſweet, loving, and tender-hearted pouring out of their hearts, with much affectionate dearneſs into each others boſoms. This mutual-melting-heartedneſs, being preſerved freſh and fruitful, will infinitely ſweeten and beautifie the marriage ſtate. Now for the preſervation of this love, let them conſider
1. The compaſſionate and melting compellations which Chriſt and his Spouſe exchange in the Canticles, My fair one, my love, my dove, my undefiled, my welbeloved, the chief of ten thouſand: ſuch a fervent and chaſte love as this, all married couples ſhould reſemble and imitate.
2. The Command of God to this purpoſe, Huſbands love your wives, Eph. 5.25. Tit. 2.4.Epheſ. 5.25. and Wives (or yong women) love your huſbands, Tit. 2.4. Me thinks this charge oft remembred, ſhould ever beat back all heart-riſing and bitterneſs, all wicked wiſhes that they had never met together, that they had never ſeen one anothers faces: when the knot is tyed, every man ſhould think his wife the fitteſt for him, and every wife ſhould think her huſband the fitteſt for her of any other in the world.
2. A provident care of one for another; which extends to the body:Eph. 5.29. No man hateth his own fleſh, but nouriſheth and cheriſheth it: and to the good name; Joſeph was not willing to make Mary a publike example: Mat. 1.19.and to the goods of this world; in which if there fall out any croſs providence, they are both to joyn with Jobs ſpirit,Iob 1.21. The Lord hath given, and the Lord hath taken, &c. But eſpecially to the ſoul; in praying together, for and with one another; in taking notice of the beginning and leaſt meaſure of grace, and approving the ſame; in conferring about ſuch things as concern the ſame, mutually propounding queſtions, and giving anſwers one to another; in maintaining holy and religious exerciſes in the Family, and betwixt their own ſelves, in ſtirring up one another to hear the Word, to receive the Sacraments, and conſcionably to perform all the parts of Gods publike Worſhip: In caſe the one prove unconverted, let the other wait, and pray, and expect Gods good time: or in caſe the one be a babe in Chriſt, or weak in Chriſtianity, let the other deal fairly, lovingly, meekly, and let our Lord Jeſus his tender-heartedneſs to Spiritual yonglings, teach us mercy this way, who is ſaid to gather the lambs with his arms, and to carry them in his boſom, Iſa. 40.11.and gently to lead thoſe that are with yong.
2. The proper and peculiar duties to each ſeverally, are—
1. Of the husband, whoſe Duty it is
1. That he dearly love his Wife.
2. That he wiſely maintain and manage his authority over her.
For the former, conſider,
1. The matter.
2. The maner of his love.
1. The matter of it is a dear love, a ſpecial love, and a more ſpecial then that common mutual love to one another: No queſtion the Wife is to love her Husband, and a Brother to love his Brother, and a Friend is to love his Friend, but more eſpecially, or with a more ſpecial love, is the Husband to love his Wife. To this purpoſe ſhe is called, The wife of his boſom, to ſhew that ſhe ought to be as his heart in his boſom. He muſt love her at all times, he muſt love her in all things: love muſt ſeaſon and ſweeten his ſpeech, carriage, actions towards her: love muſt ſhew it ſelf in his commands, reproofs, admonitions, inſtructions, authority, familiarity with her; the riſe of which love muſt not be from her beauty, nobility, or becauſe ſhe contents & pleaſeth her husband; but eſpecially becauſe ſhe is his ſiſter in the profeſſion of Chriſtian Religion, and an inheriter with him of the Kingdom of heaven; becauſe of her graces, and vertues, as modeſty, chaſtity, diligence, patience, temperance, faithfulneſs, ſecrecy, obedience, &c. becauſe ſhe bears and brings him forth children, the heirs of his Name and Subſtance, and the upholder of his family; and becauſe of the union and conjunction of marriage. Love growing of beauty, riches, luſt, or any other ſlight grounds, is but a blaze, and ſoon vaniſheth, but if grounded on the conſiderations, and eſpecially on this union of marriage, it is laſting and true: The want hereof is the fountain of ſtrife, quarrelling, debate, which converts the paradice of marriage into an hell.
2. For the maner of this love, the Apoſtle gives it thus, Huſbands, love your own wives, even as Chriſt alſo loved the Church. Eph. 5.25.Now the love of Chriſt to his Church, is commended to us in theſe particulars:—
1. In the cauſe of his love, which is his love: Deut. 7.7, 8.He ſet his love on you, becauſe he loved you; his love aroſe wholly and ſolely from himſelf, and was every way free: ſo ſhould husbands love their wives, though there be nothing in wives to move them, but meerly becauſe they are wives.
2. In the order of his love: Chriſt began it to the Church, before the Church could love him: and as a wall is firſt ſmitten on by the Sun beams, before it give a reflection of her heat back again; ſo the Church is firſt heated and warmed at heart by the ſenſe of Chriſts love, before ſhe love him again: We love him, 1 Iohn 4.19. Cant. 1.2.becauſe he loved us firſt:—Becauſe of the ſavour of thy oyntments, therefore do the virgins love thee; ſo ſhould husbands begin to love their own wives: I know ſome wives prevent their huſbands herein, and there may be reaſon for it; but the greater is their glory. This patern of Chriſt ſhould rather ſtir up the huſbands to go before them.
3. In the truth of Chriſts love: This was manifeſted by the fruits thereof to his Church;Eph. 5.25, 16, 27. He gave himſelf for it, that he might ſanctifie it, and cleanſe it, and preſent it to himſelf a glorious Church, not having ſpot or wrinckle: So muſt husbands love their wives in truth and in deed, by guiding them in the way of life, and path that is called Holy: for this is the trueſt character of a ſincere love.
4. In the quality of his love: Chriſts love is an holy, pure, and chaſte love: as he himſelf is, ſo is his love, ſuch muſt be the love of husbands, an holy, pure and chaſte love. Away with all intemperate, exceſſive, or any ways exorbitant pollutions of the marriage-bed! from which, if the fear of God, imitation of Chriſt, love of purity, awfulneſs of Gods all-ſeeing eye cannot draw, yet that ſlaviſh horror, leſt God ſhould puniſh ſuch a couple with no children, or with miſ-ſhapen children, or with idiots, or with prodigiouſly wicked children, or with ſome other heavy croſs, one would think ſhould be able to affright them.
Iohn 13.1.5. In the continuance of Chriſts love: Having loved his own, he loved them unto the end. His love is a conſtant love, an everlaſting love: no provocation or tranſgreſſions could ever make him forget his love;Ier. 3.1. Thou haſt played the harlot with many lovers, yet return unto me. Such muſt be the love of husbands, a firm love, an inviolable love: the ground of it muſt be Gods Ordinances, and the ſupport of it muſt be an inviolable reſolution, that no provocation ſhall ever change it, or alter it. Husbands muſt paſs by all infirmities, endeavoring in love to redreſs them, if poſſibly they can, or if not, to bear with them.
2. Duty of an husband, is, Wiſely to maintain and manage his authority: Now the managing of it conſiſts in two things:
1. That he tenderly reſpect her.
2. That he carefully provide for her.
1. He muſt tenderly respect her, as his wife, companion, yoke-fellow,Ezek. 24.16. as his very delight, and the deſire of his eyes, and never be bitter againſt her. Col. 3.19.This bitterneſs ordinarily turneth the edge of his authority: if therefore any matter of unkindeneſs ariſe (as ſometimes certainly will) then muſt he carefully, with all lenity, gentleneſs and patience quiet all, and never ſuffer himſelf nor his wife to ſleep in diſpleaſure:Eph 4.26. Let not the ſun go down upon your wrath; or if he ſhall have occaſion to reprove her, he muſt keep his words until a convenient time, & not do it in preſence of others, and then utter them in the ſpirit of meekneſs and love. Surely if ſhe be not corrected by a word of wiſdom and diſcretion, ſhe will never amend by threats, or any haſty, rigorous carriage: and if ſhe once begin to loſe her ſhamefac'dneſs in the preſence of her husband, it is likely there will be often brawlings and quarrels betwixt them, and the houſe will be full of diſquietneſs: it is beſt therefore to deal wiſely with her, to admoniſh her often, to reprehend her ſeldom, never to lay violent hands on her; and if ſhe be dutiful, to cheriſh her, that ſhe may ſo continue; if wayward, mildely to ſuffer her, that ſhe wax not worſe.
2. He muſt carefully provide for her: To this purpoſe he is called her Head, and Savior, as Chriſt is the head of his Church, Eph. 5 23.and the Savior of the body: The Head (you know) is the fountain of motion, quickning, life, ſenſe and lightſomneſs to the body; ſo ſhould the husband be as the well-ſpring of livelineſs, light-ſomneſs, light-heartedneſs to his wife: ſhe hath forſook all for him, and therefore ſhe ſhould receive from him a continual influence of chearful walking, and comfortable enjoying of her ſelf. And a Savior (you know) both provides for, and protects the ſaved: Chriſt thus ſaved his Church, he is every way a ſufficient Savior, able perfectly to ſave, even to the very uttermoſt; Heb. 7.25.he ſaves ſoul and body, he ſaves from all maner of miſery, from the wrath of God, the curſe of the Law, the venom of all outward croſſes, the tyranny of Satan, the ſting of death, the power of the grave, the torments of hell, or if ſin be the greateſt evil, (as indeed it is) he will ſave his people from their ſins: Mat. 1.21.I cannot ſay thus of the husband; yet an husband carrieth a reſemblance of Chriſt, and is after a maner a Savior to his wife, to protect her, and provide for her. David compares her to a vine, Pſa. 128.3.intimating, that as a vine is underpropped and raiſed by ſome tree or frame near to which it is planted, ſo is the wife raiſed to the height of honor by vertue of her relation to her husband; by his wealth is ſhe inriched; by his honor is ſhe dignified: he is under God and Chriſt, all in all to her. In the Family he is a King, to govern and ayd her; a Prieſt, to pray with her and for her; a Prophet, to teach and inſtruct her; a Savior, to provide for, and protect her to his utmoſt, if not to the utmoſt, which indeed is proper and peculiar to the Lord Chriſt.
2. The Duties proper to the wife, are theſe,
1. That ſhe be in ſubmiſſion to her husband.
2. That ſhe be an helper to him all her days.
G…n 3.16. Eph. 5.22. 1 Pet. 3.1, 6.1. Wives muſt be in ſubjection to their own huſbands: Sarah obeyed Abraham, and called him Lord: But here's a caſe of conſcience:—
1. What if her husband be a ſon of Belial, an enemy to Chriſt? muſt ſhe then yield ſubjection?— Yes: becauſe in his office her husband is as in Chriſts ſtead: The Church is compared to a lilly among thorns, Cant 2.2.ſhe remains lilly like, white, ſoft, pleaſant, and amiable, though ſhe be joyned with thorns, which are prickly and ſharp: So a wife muſt be meek, milde, gentle, obedient, though ſhe be matched with a crooked, perverſe, prophane and wicked husband: She muſt in this caſe remove her eyes from the diſpoſition of her husbands perſon, to the condition of his place, and by vertue thereof (ſeeing he beareth Chriſts image) be ſubject unto him as unto Chriſt.
2. What if her husband command things contrary to Chriſt? muſt ſhe therein be ſubject?Eph. 5.22. — No: Submit, &c. How? as unto the Lord: if ſhe ſubmits to things contrary to Chriſt, ſhe ſubmits not as to the Lord. Conſcientious wives muſt remember they have an husband in heaven, as well as on earth, betwixt whom there is a greater difference, then betwixt heaven and earth: and therefore in caſe they bid contrary things, they muſt prefer God before man, Chriſt before all men.
G…n. 2.18.2. Wives muſt be helpers to their husbands. Now this helpfulneſs conſiſts in theſe things:
1. That ſhe be careful to preſerve his perſon, in ſickneſs or health, in adverſity or proſperity, in youth or old age.
A moſt memorable and famous patern for this purpoſe, is recorded by*Lib. 2. de Chriſtiana fam. pag. 360. Vives: A yong, tender and beautiful Maid was matched (as he reports) to a man ſtricken in years, whom after marriage ſhe found to have a very fulſom and diſeaſed body, full of many loathſom and contagious diſeaſes: yet notwithſtanding, out of ſence and conſcience that by Gods providence ſhe was become his wife, ſhe moſt worthily digeſted all with incredible patience: friends and Phyſicians adviſed her by no means to come near him, and for their parts they utterly forſook him; but ſhe (paſſing by with a loving diſdain thoſe unkinde diſſwaſions) becomes to him in their ſtead, Friend, Phyſician, Nurſe, Mother, Siſter, Daughter, Servant, every thing, any thing to do him good any maner of way. At laſt by extraordinary expence, and exceſſive charges about him, ſhe came to ſome want of ſome neceſſaries, whereupon ſhe ſold her Ring, Chains, richeſt Attire, Plate, and choyceſt Jewels: and when he was dead, and friends came about her, rather to congratulate her happy riddance, then to bewail her widowhood, ſhe not onelyonly abhorred all ſpeeches tending that way, but proteſted, if it were poſſible, ſhe would willingly redeem her husbands life with the loſs of her five deareſt children. Whence it appears, that this worthy woman was wedded to her husbands ſoul, not to his body, ſeeing no infirmity or deformity thereof, could cool or weaken the fervency of her love.
2. That ſhe learn and labor to forecaſt, contrive and manage houſhold-affairs, and buſineſs within doors, as they ſay: for which ſee a right noble glorious patern in Prov. 31.
3. That ſhe help her husband, in ſetting forward the rich and royal trade of Grace, in erecting and eſtabliſhing Chriſts glorious Kingdom in their houſe, and eſpecially in their own hearts. This is that one neceſſary thing, without which their Family is but Satans Seminary, and a Nurſery for hell: This will marvellouſly ſweeten all reproaches, caſt upon them by envenomed tongues: This will ſweetly ſeal unto them, their aſſurance of meeting together hereafter in heaven;—where the husband and wife perform theſe and the like Duties, there's an happy Family, there's a Colledge of quietneſs; where theſe are neglected, we may term it an Hell.
Thus much of the Duties of Governors: we now come to the governed.
SECT. 7. Of the Duties of Children to Parents.
DƲties of Children to Parents, are either
inward, as Love and Fear.
or outward, as
Reverence.
Obedience.
Recompēce.
1. The inward Duties which children owe to their parents, are, Love and Fear: Love like Sugar ſweetens Fear, and Fear like Salt ſeaſons Love; there muſt be a loving-fear, and a fearing-love. Hence the fear of a childe, is oppoſed to the fear of a ſlave; for a childes fear being mixt with love, hath reſpect to the offence which a parent may take: but a ſlaves fear, which is ordinarily mixed with hatred, hath reſpect to nothing but the puniſhment which his Maſter may inflict upon him. This love-like-fear is ſo proper to children, as that the awful reſpect which the Saints bear to God, is called a filial fear: Children have received their ſubſtance, from the very ſubſtance of their parents, and therefore they are to perform this Duty of Love and Fear to them.
2. The outward Duties, or the manifeſtation of this Love and Fear in children, appears
1. In their Reverence, in speech and carriage: They muſt give to their parents reverent and honorable titles, meek and humble ſpeeches, obeyſance, as becomes their age and ſex: Thus Joſeph and Solomon bowed,Gen 48.12. 1 King. 2, 19. the one to his father, the other to his mother. Contrary hereto is mocking and deſpiſing father and mother; of which ſaid Solomon, The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiſeth to obey his mother, Prov. 13.17.the ravens of the valley ſhall pick it out: a phraſe that ſets forth the end of a notorious malefactor, that is hanged in the ayr till the ravens pick out his eyes.
2. In their obedience to their Commands, Inſtructions, Reproofs and Corrections of their Parents, Eph. 6.1. Prov. 1.8, 9. the reaſon is, becauſe of God, whom the father repreſents: Children muſt remember, that whatſoever they do to their parents, they do it to God; when they pleaſe them, they pleaſe God; when they diſobey them, they diſobey God; when their parents are juſtly angry with them, God is angry with them: nor can they recover Gods favor (though all the Saints of heaven ſhould intreat for them) till they have ſubmitted themſelves to their own parents; onelyonly with this limitation, that they ſubmit or obey them in the Lord, Eph. 6.1.Eph. 6.1.
3. In their Recompence: This is a Duty whereby children endeavor (as much as in them lies) to repay what they can for the parents kindeneſs, care and coſt towards them, in way of thankfulneſs: If any widow have children, or nephews, 1 Tim 5 4.let them learn first to ſhew kindeneſs at home, and to requite their parents; in ſickneſs, they muſt viſit them, in time of mourning, they muſt comfort them, in want, they muſt provide for them;Gen 48.1. and 37.35. and 42.3. as the children of Jacob, who viſited, comforted, and went to buy food for their father: in time of danger, they muſt endeavor their protection, as David did,1 Sam. 22.3, 4 Let my father and mother (ſaid he to the King of Moab) I pray thee, come forth and be with you, till I know what God will do for me: And he brought them before the King of Moab, and they dwelt with him, all the while that David was in the hold. If God pleaſe to take children out of this world before their parents, and their parents be ſuccorleſs (they muſt as they can) provide for their well-being after their deaths: Thus Chriſt commended his Mother to his Diſciple John, Iohn 19.27.a little before he gave up the ghoſt. It is recorded of the Stork, That when the dams are old, the yong ones feed them; and when through age they are ready to faint in their flying, the yong ones help them; and when they are paſt flying, the yong ones carry them on their weak backs. Thus Nature teacheth children their Duty, how much more ſhould grace?
SECT. 8. Of the Duties of Servants to their Maſters.
DƲties of Servants to their Maſters, are either
inward, as Fear.
outward, as
Reverence.
Obedience.
1. The inward Duty is Fear: Servants, 1 Pet. 2.18.be ſubject to your maſters with all fear, and account them worthy of all honor: 1 Tim 6.2.So proper is this fear to a Servant, as where it is wanting, there is a plain denyal of his Maſters place and power: If I be a maſter, Mal. 1.6.where is my fear? ſaid God: obſerve, I mean not an exceſſive, ſlaviſh fear; as when a ſervant fears nothing but the revenging power of his Maſter (ſuch was the fear of that unprofitable ſervant,Mat. 25.24, 25. who could ſay to his Maſter, I knew that thou wert an hard man,—and I was afraid) but I mean an awful fear of provoking his Maſters wrath, ſo as it makes him caſt every way, how he may pleaſe his maſter, and ſuch a fear draws him on chearfully to perform his Duty.
2. Outward Duties which iſſue from this fear, are
Reverence.
Obedience.
1. Reverence, which is manifeſted in ſpeech and carriage. Thus ſervants muſt give reverend titles to their Maſters, as Father, Lord, and Maſter, &c. They muſt yield obeyſance to them; as The children of the prophets, 2 Kin. 2.15.when they ſaw that the Spirit of Elijah reſted on Eliſhah, they came to meet him, and bowed themſelves to the ground before him.
2. Obedience, which hath reſpect to the Commands, Inſtructions, Reproofs and Corrections of their Maſters, 1 Pet. 2.18, 19, 20. But here's a caſe or two of Conſcience:
1. How far they muſt obey; or what is the extent of ſervants obedience to Maſters?Col. 3.22.— The Apoſtle anſwers, Servants, obey in all things your maſters according to the fleſh: It is not ſufficient that ſervants perform well their Duties in ſome things; they muſt do it in all things, yea in things that may be againſt their own minde and liking, if their Maſters will have it ſo: This is clear in the example of Joab, the King commands him to number the people; Joab declares himſelf,2 Sam. 24 2, &c. that he thinks it a very unmeet thing, Why doth my Lord the King delight (ſaith he) in this thing? yet againſt his judgement he yields unto the Kings peremptory command, The Kings word prevailed againſt Joab. Look as Peter, when Chriſt bid him lanch out into the deep, and let down his net for a draught,Luke 5.4, 5. He anſwered and ſaid, Maſter, we have toiled all the night, and have taken nothing: nevertheleſs, at thy word I will let down the net. So muſt ſervants ſay, when they have a peremptory command, though contrary to their own judgements, this or that in all humility, I ſuppoſe, or I propound to you, Neververtheleſs, at your word I will let down the net, I will do as you pleaſe.
2. But what if God and Maſter ſhould command contrary things?— In ſuch a caſe the Apoſtle ſets down an excellent limitation in theſe four phraſes, 1. As unto Chriſt: 2.Eph. 6.5, 6, 7. As the ſervants of Chriſt: 3. Doing the will of God: 4. As to the Lord:] All theſe imply, That if Maſters command their ſervants any thing contrary to Chriſt, they may not yield to it: Upon this ground the Midwives of the Hebrew women, would not kill the Hebrew children,Exod. 1.17. They feared God (ſaith the Text) and did not as the King commanded them. In this caſe Joſeph is commended in not hearkning to his Miſtris; and the ſervants of Saul are commended, for refuſing to ſlay the Lords Prieſts at their Maſters command. When Maſters command or forbid any thing againſt God and Chriſt, they go therein beyond their commiſſion, and their authority ceaſeth, ſo that ſervants may ſay,Acts 5.29. We ought to obey God rather then men.
3. But ſome Anabaptiſts object, That all men are alike, and that there is no ſuch difference as betwixt Maſters and Servants, nay it is expreſly forbidden to be Servants of men. I anſwer,1 Cor 7.23. I anſwer, to be a ſervant, in that place, is not ſimply to be in ſubjection under another, but to be ſo obſequious to man, as to prefer him before God: Hence the Apoſtle elſwhere in the Duties of ſervants, lays down this Antitheſis, Not as men-pleaſers, Eph. 6.6, 7.but as the ſervants of Chriſt; again, doing ſervice as to the Lord, and not to men: The meaning is, That we muſt do Duty to a Maſter, not as meerly to a man, but as to one in Chriſts ſtead. Maſters by vertue of their office and place, bears the image of Chriſt; Chriſt communicates his authority unto them, and ſo in performing Duty to Maſters, we perform Duty to Chriſt, and in denying Duty to Maſters, we deny Duty to Chriſt: Thus the Lord ſaid to Samuel, when the people rejected his Government, They have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me, 1 Sam. 8.7.that I ſhould not reign over them. Conſider this, all ye that are Servants, though Maſters ſhould neither reward your good ſervice, nor revenge your ill ſervice, yet Chriſt will do both: This is your prerogative that fear God, above all other Servants; others may ſerve their Maſters with fear and trembling, in ſingleneſs of heart, and with good will, but onelyonly Chriſtians and Saints do ſervice as to Chriſt, and this makes them not content themſelves with doing the thing, but to endeavor to do it after the beſt maner they can, ſo as God and Chriſt may accept of it.
I have now run through the Family, and informed you of the Duties both of Governors and governed. Chriſtians, look within you, look about you, that man is not a good man, that is not good in all his relations. The ſame God that requires us to ſerve him as private perſons, requires us to ſerve him in our relations: And therefore though you be never ſo careful of your Duty in the former reſpect, yet you may go to hell for neglecting your Duties, as Maſters, Servants, Husbands, Wives, Parents, or Children; nay, Ile ſay a little more, that though you ſhould be good in one relation, yet if you endeavor not to be good in every relation, you ſhall never go to heaven: for the ſame God that commands you to ſerve him as a Maſter, commands you to ſerve him as a Father, as an Husband, &c. And he that keeps the whole Law, Iam. 2.10.and offends in one point, is guilty of all.