A Help Unto Devotion, Prayer 14
14. A Prayer of Humiliation and ſorrow, after ſome ſpecial ſinne committed.
O My God, I am aſhamed and confounded to lift vp mine eyes vntounto thee: mine iniquities are encreaſed ouer my head, and my treſpaſſes are growne vp vntounto the heauen. I muſt néedes wonder at thy great forbearance, that I am not euen ſwallowed vppe or ſwept away with ſome extraordinary iudgemēt. And now (O Lord) eſpecially, hauing ſo groſly ſinned againſt thee, and done ſo great an euill in thy ſight; How hauehave I (vile wretch yt I am) wounded my owne conſcience? How hauehave I laid my ſelf open to ye malice & miſchief of the diuel? What a diſgrace & ſlander hauehave I broght vponupon my profeſſion? What an offence & ſcandal hauehave I giuen vntounto others? What a ioy will this be to the wicked, that they hauehave now by me gotten ſomething to ſpeak euil of? But (aboue all O Lord) how hauehave I diſhonoured thee, whoſe fauors hauehave bin ſo many & ſo continuall towards me? I know not with what names & tearms to ſet out my ſin, ſufficient to expres the hainous & hideous nature thereof.
When I thinke vponupon thy patience, vponupon the meanes of grace which thou haſt afforded me, vponupon ye light of knowledge which thou haſt giuen me, vponupon the good motions, (as it were ſo many gracious aduertiſements) which thou haſt from time to time, ſtirred vp in me, vponupon the profeſſion which I make, vponupon the ſundry promiſes & vowes of better obedience with which I hauehave tied my ſelfe vntounto thy Maieſtie, vponupon the diuers admonitions which (by thy prouidence I knowe) hauehave béene vſed to mee by thy ſeruaunts, purpoſely to preuent and to ſtoppe this euil in me, me thinketh I may call it rebellion (which is as the ſin of witchcraft) or preſumption in the higheſt degrée. And yet (O Lord) I féele ſuch a benummedneſſe to créepe vponupon mée, ſuch a hardned cruſt to growe vponupon my ſecret parts, that albeit I ſée my ſinne, and knowe it to be excéeding great, neuertheleſſe I cannot ſo bemone it, ſo lament it, ſo grieue for it, ſo deteſt & abhorre it, as I ſhould. Smite (O gracious God) ſmite, I beſéech thée my flinty heart, make it euen to melt within me, at the ſight of mine own tranſgreſſions; Settle in it ye godly ſorrow, which canſeth repentance vntounto ſaluatiō: Humble my ſoule vnderunder thy mightie hand, and ſuffer mee not to fréeze in the dregs of mine own corruptions. Make mine head full of water, and mine eyes a foūtaine of teares which may runne downe, like a riuer, day and night: Oh let me take no reſt, nor ſuffer the apple of mine eye to ceaſe: cauſe mee to powre out my heart like water before thy face, that I may by all meanes teſtifie the vnfayned griefe of my ſoule that I hauehave ſo diſpleaſed thee. And grant (O Lord) that I may not ſorrow ſo much becauſe of hell and condemnation which I hauehave made to be due vntounto me, but that my chiefe vexation may bée to thinke how I hauehave abuſed thy mercy, and requited thy exceeding louelove with ſo foule a treſpaſſe. Withall (O moſt gracious Father) ſéeing there is mercy with thee, and that thou haſt no deſire that the wicked ſhould dye, giuegive me leaue to become a ſufer vntounto thy grace, not in mine owne name (for what am I that I ſhould preſſe into thy preſence?) but in the name of thy deareſt Sonne, the alone Mediatour, and the onelyonly Peace-maker of his choſen. I moſt hūbly beſéech thee for his ſake to hauehave mercy on me: O Lord, a plaiſter of his blood ſhall be a moſt ſoueraigne medicine, to cure my running and rotten and feſtered ſore. His ſtripes & wounds are of an healing nature: no ſope, nor nitre of mine owne tempering can purge away my filthines: onelyonly his bloud hath that ſcouring force, that it can make ſcarlet and crimſon ſinne as white as wooll. Oh then, I pray thee, waſh me throughly from mine iniquitie, and according to the multitude of thy compaſſions, cleanſe me from my ſin. Turne thy face from mee, and from my hatefull and enormous courſe, and look vponupon the perfite and vnſpotted righteouſnes of thy ſon. Supply my emptienes out of his infinite fulnes, the depth wherof cannot be fadomed, nor the ſtore thereof conſumed. Couer my vncleanneſſe with the rove of his holineſſe, euen with the garment of ſaluation, with which thou deckeſt and tireſt thine elect. And albeit I am of all others which either hauehave béene, are, or ſhall be, the moſt vnworthy: yet vouchſafe to certifie my Soule of thy grace & fauor, by the ſecret teaching of thy holy Spirit, make me to féele inwardly the ioy of thy ſaluation, reſtore to mee that ſweet taſte of thy louelove, which I was wont to hauehave, & which I now hauehave robbed my ſelfe of, by this my diſobedience towards thee. Let the apprehenſion of my ſinne bee tempered with a cōfortable application of thy mercy, that I may hold an euen courſe betwixt feareleſſe ſecurity and faith-leſſe deſpaire; beholding at once, both my vilenes to humble me, & the riches of thy grace to reuiue me. And, as an euidence of thy louelove in this behalf, ſtrengthē me by thy grace to the making of the beſt vſe of mine owne corruptiōs: Grant that the thought of them may kill in me al pride of heart, and may make me to abaſe my ſelf and to become euen vile in my own ſight; Grāt me to be hereupō the more watchfull ouer my courſe, ye more diligent to auoyd all inducements & inticements vntounto theſe or the like euils, ye more apt to be taught, the more willing to bee admoniſhed, ye more forward to beg thy aſſiſtance, & the more charitably cōpaſſionate towards others, rather pitying and bemoaning and praying for, then cenſuring their infirmities. And (Lorde) ſuffer me not, I beſeech thee to ſatiſfie my ſelfe with this, that I hauehave once made ſome ſhew of humiliatiō and ſorrow for my falles: but graunt, I may encreaſe in the performance of theſe duetyes, and may eueryevery day renue & enlarge my repentance for particular ſlippes, growing ſtill into a deeper deteſtation of my ſins, and deſiring with more and more earneſtneſſe and ſtriuing, to bee renewed in the Spirit of my mind: that ſo being cleanſed from all filthineſſe both of the fleſh and Spirit, I may growe vppe vntounto full holineſſe in thy feare, through Ieſus Chriſt. In whoſe name only I commend vntounto thee my requeſts, and for whoſe ſake thou haſt promiſed to deny nothing to thy ſeruants. So be it. *⁎*