The Life and Death of Reverend Edmund Trench, Biography

The Life and Death of Reverend Edmund Trench · Biography

p. 1Edmund Trench

March 10. 1684. My Father's Motto and my own.

2 Cor. 1.12.

In Simplicity and Godly Sincerity.

Phil. 1.21.

To me to Live is Chriſt, and to Die is Gain.

Phil. 3.8.

I count all things but dung, that I may win Chriſt.

Rarius de dogmatibus Chriſtus diſſeruit, ſaepiùs, immo vero ubique & ſemper de vivendi ſinceritate.

Vivere bis, vitâ poſſe priore frui,

Ampliat aetatis ſpatium ſibi vir bonus.

THE Title of Angel, ſometime, given to Miniſters, ſhou'd mind 'em of imitating thoſe Glorious Spirits, as far as may conſiſt p. 2with the Frailties of fleſh and blood, dividing their time betwixt beholding the Face of their Father in Heaven, and Miniſtring to the Heirs of Salvation.

About 15 Years ago I wrote ſome Paſſages of my former Life, and have ſince occaſionally added more. Preſent Afflictions occaſion many and frequent Reflections on what I am, and what I have been: my Papers afford me ſome help, and may be more uſeful laid together; therefore I deſign the Sum of what I have written, and what further ſhall occur fit to be remembred. The Ends I aim at (as I formerly noted 'em) are,

The Glory of God's free Grace in and through Jeſus Chriſt my deareſt Lord and Saviour, the ſole Foundation of my Hope and Comfort.

The Shaming and Humbling my ſelf, that have ſo often, and do ſo heinouſly offend ſo good a God, and ſo merciful a Redeemer.

The prevention of future Relapſes by the remembrance of God's great Favours ſo undeſervedly multiplyed.

p. 3The promoting of perſeverance and growth in all manner of holy Converſation and Godlineſs by the Meditation of my paſt Follies, and the review of my thoughts, and reſolves about my own Duty and Happineſs in times of great affliction, and the approaches of Death to others, and ſeemingly to my ſelf alſo.

The furthering of Hope, and Peace, and Comfort, and Joy in ſuch Seaſons as they may be moſt neceſſary and uſeful.

All through the Aſſiſtance of the Spirit of Grace, which I moſt humbly and earneſtly implore.

p. 4Some Things of thoſe from whom I deſcended, for my Imitation and Encouragement.

MY Grand-Father was Edmund Trench, a younger Son of John, a Norfolk Gentleman, Converted about the 16th Year of his Age to the Faithful Service of God, by the Labours of Mr. Furnace, noted for Piety and Painfulneſs in thoſe parts. By his Godly humble Converſation when his Maſter a Grocer in Norwich fail'd, he was recommended to two Brothers whoſe Name was Cock, of chief Rank in that City, who intruſted him with the management of their Trade in Stuffs at London. He abundantly anſwer'd their Expectation, and at length became their Brother, by Marrying the youngeſt of the three Daughters of Mr. Mowre, a Pious and Prudent Citizen of Norwich, and a Partner in the conſiderable Trade they drove, (the two Elder being p. 5their Wives before.) Many Years he enjoy'd a large Portion of the Divine Bleſſing, thriving in his outward Eſtate, lov'd and honour'd by his Fellow-Servants, rejoycing in divers hopeful Children, and above all, walking before God in Health and Holineſs with great delight in his Service, and great aſſurance of his Favour. But as he would ſay, he found at laſt, He was not in Heaven. He was exercis'd with many loſſes (ſome very great) in his Eſtate, Sickneſſes and Deaths in himſelf and neareſt Relations, Doubts and Fears about his Eternal Condition, and, which were moſt grievous to him, horrid and blaſphemous Thoughts and Suggeſtions. All theſe with Melancholy were more troubleſome in his Old Age. Yet he perſiſted in his holy Courſe, exerciſing himſelf continually to keep a Conſcience void of offence towards God and towards Men; conſtant in ſecret, private and publick Prayer, reading the Holy Scriptures by himſelf, and Expounding 'em in his Family, Catechizing his Children and Servants, examining 'em about and repeating for their uſe the publick Labours p. 6of his Mioniſter, moſt juſt and equitable in his Trade and all his Dealings, and eminently Charitable in helping others according to their ſeveral Wants. And God greatly bleſs'd his Example and Inſtructions for the verſion and Conſirmation of ſome Souls, eſpecially thoſe neareſt to him. At length, in a good old Age, 83 Years and a half, he reſted from all his Labours, and entred the Inviſible World of Glorious Spirits, June 7. 1658. His Good Name liv'd long ater, and is not yet dead among ſuch as had to do with, or heard of him. My Grand-Mother ſurviv'd almoſt 11 Years, a conſtant Profeſſor of Religion, and, I hope, ſincere Practifer alſo: ſhe follow'd, March 16.166, almoſt 90 Years old.

Of their Children, four only attain'd to Years of Diſcretion, whereof two Danghters were Married to Caldwell Furrington, and Tho. Bewley of London, Merchants; both happy before I was Born, as was likewiſe the Younger Son, dying about 18.

p. 7Edmund the Eldeſt was Born July 8. 1608. always towardly, addicted to Seriouſneſs, Study, and Piety in thoſe Years that incline to Play and Folly. He anſwer'd his Parents faithfulneſs in his Education with early goodneſs, owing (as far as I cou'd underſtand) a new birth to thoſe from whom he receiv'd a natural. In the 18th Year of his Age, from the care of his School-Maſter Mr. Augur, he was ſent to Sidney-Colledge in Cambridge, and committed to Mr. — Dugard, a Pious, Learned, and Painful Tutro. He grew in Grace and Learning, happily eſcaping many Temptations, and fruſtrating the Deſigns of ſome Superiors wo wou'd have debauch't a Puritan as they call'd him, tho' he was ſtill ſufficiently conformable to the eſtabliſh't Eccleſiaſtical Orders. He perform'd his Exerciſes and proceeded Batchelour and Maſter with credit, and obtain'd an excellent report from his Tutor, and from the Maſter of the College, Dr. Ward. While he liv'd under 'em he was log exercis'd with a troubleſome Diſtemper which many unpleaſant p. 8means did not remove. How humbly and patiently he bare, and how excellently he improv'd ſo tedious an Affliction, I learnt to my comfort and encouragement from many of his pious Letters among my Grand-father's Papers. They were ſure a lively Picture of his Soul, which knew not how to diſſemble at any time, much leſs when ſo ſenſibly under the hand of the heart-ſearching God. They flow'd with holy resignation to his Will, quiet ſubmiſſion to his afflicting hand, earneſt deſires to underſtand his mind, to grow ſtill more humble and patient, and dead to this World, and better prepar'd for another. They abounded with thankful Expreſſions for their care, coſt and pains, and eſpecially to God for ſupporting under and making better by the troubleſome returns of his Diſeaſe, not without admirable Expreſſions of Hope and Joy in the Love of God in Jeſus Chriſt, witneſſed by his Spirit, by ſuch a happy Temper and Deportment for many Years before he found relief, he was doubtleſs better quality'd to do the Will of God in his following Health, and to p. 9ſuffer with ſuch wonderful patience, ſubmiſſion and rejoycing, the grievous complication of Diſeaſes that was for ſome time the forerunner of his Death. A while after he was Maſter of Arts, on due conſideration, advice, and prayers, he ſtudy'd Phyſick ſome time at Paris, and took the Degree of Doctor at Bourges. When returned to England he Married Mary Eldeſt Daughter of Samnel Middlemore, Merchant of London, [a very Pious, Charitable Man in his Life, which he clos'd with a bountiful Gift to the Company of Cloth-workers, for the Annual Relief of 20 Poor in Coals, Cloths, &c.] He dying after his Wife, when his Children were Young, committed 'em to Sir John Wollaſton, and Mr. Thomas Burnell: The Daughters were happy in the faithfulneſs of the latter, and in their Religious Education under his Wife their Poius Aunt. The Elder, Mary, was Married to my Father, Auguſt 14. 1639. ſhe then paſt the middle of her 17th. (Born Jan. 24. 1622.) he entred on his 32d Year. The Younger, Suſan, was afterwards p. 10the Wife of Sincere and Humble Dr. Roger Drake.

My Father was Faithful according to his enlarged Duty as a Husband, and after as a Father to my ſelf and five other Sons (beſides one Still-born) and three Daughters, careful for our Souls and Bodies, ſparing for nothing needful in Temporals, or Spirituals; exceeding loving and tender, and yet never that I cou'd ſee or hear mourning for the Death of any, tho' he left but 3 behind. Having done his Duty wherein he was ſufficiently follicitous, he chearfully acquieſe'd in what pleaſed God. In his Education he was much help't by his true Yoke-fellow our good Mother, who though ſhe had hard Travail to bring ſome of us, (particularly my ſelf) into this World, yet travell'd much more to fit us for a better. Through her aſſiſtance he follow'd his Practice with more leiſure and comfort. His Employment was conſiderable, and which he more rejoyc't in, his ſucceſs. He was eminent for faithfulneſs to all that had recourſe to him, frequently viſiting, deliberately conſidering their Caſes, p. 11watchfully obſerving the turns of their Diſtempers, and accordingly with great care and judgment varying his Preſcriptions. His tender ſenſe of their Souls greatly inclin'd him to diſcourſe with and adviſe his Patients as Spiritual Phyſician, but he was often forc't to forbear in dangerous caſes, becauſe he found by experience the Sick were apt to judge themſelves paſt help when he ſpake to 'em of another World, their Spirits ſinking, and Remedies proving leſs effectual. In all his Practice he was generouſly free from Covetouſneſs, not uſing any Tricks to encreaſe it, nor unworthily ſeeking to, or humouring his Patients, weary of numerous though profitable Viſits, and induſtriouſly ſpeeding their Recovery, preſcribing no more than he judg'd needful, and frequently refuſing Fees which even his Patients thought he might as well have taken. He was ſtill the ſame ſincere plain-hearted Man, free and open without Deceits and Tricks in his Calling and all other Affairs. And ſure he was the more Bleſſed of God; otherwiſe conſidering he was no Politician, apt p. 12to believe the beſt, and truſt as if others were as far from diſſembling as himſelf, he cou'd not have liv'd and brought up his Children as he did, nor, his Loſſes conſider'd, left ſuch a Competence to his Widow, and them. He conſtantly perſever'd in thoſe good ways into which he was entred by his Parents, and when they grew old and very infirm, he made it more his buſineſs foreign, and that even when grey Heirs grew upon himſelf, and his own Diſtempers increaſt the diſſiculty of complying with others. About 50 he was troubled with the Stone, from which God's Bleſſing on his own Endeavours reliev'd him. But then about 8 Years before his Death, he fell into an incurable Jaundiſe, accompanied for a while with a Scirrbus in his Liver, frequent troubleſome Itchings, Aguiſh Shiverings of long continuance, little and diſturbed ſleep, violent Fits of the Colick, great Appetite with ill Digeſtion, and other very troubleſome Symptoms. He bare all with exemplary Patience and Contentment, never that we cou'd perceive repining at ſuch ſevere Diſpenſations, p. 13nor ever praying for their removal, nor yielding, though importun'd, to have one Day ſet apart to ſeek on his behalf. When we wiſh'd him a good Night in his Fits, he wou'd reply, It ſhould be good becauſe it pleaſed God. He wou'd rarely let any ſtay a Night by him, affirming, He was not alone, but the Father was with him. And with the Father he ſometimes enjoy'd more Heavenly Communion, which yet was not conſtant and long as his Peace and Hope were; they hardly admitted any interruption, but he generally long'd to be Diſſolv'd and to be with his God and Saviour, and ſpake thereof often with delight.

In the Year 65. when the Plague began to rage (the Weekly Account amounting to about 3000) the importunity of Friends drew him with us to Dr. Drake's in Burnham, 2 Miles ſhort of Maiden-head, where yet he was more in Reading, Meditation and Prayer. He expreſt a ſtill greater ſenſe of the Love of God in Chriſt, and of his truth and goodneſs in afflicting him. He profeſt his Soul more eſtabliſh't thereby with a powerful Conviction p. 14of all Creatures Vanity, and rais'd to more vigorous actings of a realizing Faith in holy Heavenly Meditations, That the ſweetneſs and proſit thereof in his Retirements were ſuch, that he fear'd the return of his uſual Employment, and ſhou'd be afraid of loſing his weariſom affliction, without great aſſurance that Health ſhould be as ſpiritually advantagious as Sickneſs; profeſſing his conſtant Judgment that the leaſt Progreſs in Grace and Holineſs was greater matter of Joy, than the greateſt Affliction of Sorrow. He judg'd it very unbecoming a Chriſtian for Senſe ſo far to prevail againſt Reaſon and Faith, as to raiſe any conſiderable Averſeneſs from drinking of that Cup which his Sovereign Lord and tender Father moſt wiſely prepar'd for his good. Accordingly he deſir'd his Friends to ſhew their Love in praying for a progreſſive ſanctify'd Improvement of his Sufferings, and not for their Removal, and wiſh't 'em comfortably to believe there was no ſuch harm in affliction as we are apt to imagine. The Fire of London remov'd him firſt to an Houſe p. 15near Stepncy, and ſoon after to another in Crouched-Friars, where he chearfully expected his deliverance by Death. 1669. he grew conſident of its approach. Aug. 14. being his Weddingday, he rejoyc'd with ſome Invited Friends, affirming it the laſt he ſhould live on Edrth. October he ſpake of his ſenſible Decays as Tokens of his near deſired Reſt. About the middle of December he caus'd his Will to be new drawn, ordering particularly that Clauſe to be inſerted, That he commended his Soul on good Evidence into the hands of God, adding, that he left us much leſs than the World imagin'd, but he hop'd God's Bleſſing with it, having never wrong'd any Man of a Penny. A Day after (14 before he died) when I was diſcourſing of his diſſolution, he ſaid, He cou'd appeal to God through his infinite goodneſs, that ſince his Youth he had walk't before him with an upright heart, never waſting his Conſcience with any groſs ſin, that he comfortably believ'd his Regeneration by the Holy Spirit and ſaving Intereſt in his deareſt Saviour, and had accordingly enjoy'd a conſtant Tranquillity of Mind, not without p. 16ſome ſhort and ſeldom more raviſhing Joys. He then renew'd his oft repeated Charge of loving and ſerving God, being dutiful to our Mother, and helpful to our little Siſter, which yet he ſaid, he did not doubt of, and to our great comfort Bleſſed my ſelf and Brother, bleſſing God alſo for us. Perceiving his Diſtempers and ſore Mouth to encreaſe, he took a ſolemn leave of my Mother, telling her with Joy, he was going to his God, and her God, and that 'ere long they ſhould meet to part no more. After which he bid us not expect to hear much from him, but believe his mind ſtill the ſame. Accordingly he perſiſted, bearing patiently his grievous pains, yet ſaying little, tho' enough to ſignific his uninterrupted hope and joy till Friday 31. …mb. 1669. when after ſome imperfect Words, but 2 hours before, of …ath, and Chriſt, and Pardon, his Spirit return'd to his Heavenly Father, and inſtead of a New-Year on Earth, cauſed a glorious Eternity in Heaven. … lives ſtill in the honourable Re…rance of ſuch as knew him, ne… mention'd, to my knowledge, with p. 17reproach; oft with Elogies of his Piety, Sincerity, Ability, and Faithſulneſs, as a Man, a Friend, and a Phyſician. Some (I doubt bad themſelves) commended his Goodneſs, acknowledging the common (though I think unjuſt) reproach of his Calling cou'd not be faſten'd on him.

O may I by the help, and to the Glory of Divine Grace, imitate ſuch excellent Examples, and not degenerate from 'em, but ſerve God with all my might, according to my Father's Symbol, In Simplicity, and godly Sincerity. My Grandſather was a Pattern of Humility and Meckneſs, and yet of Reſolution when there was a Cauſe; of great Charitableneſs in Word and Deed, eſpecially to his Relations who had great Summs from him, which yet his Children did not want. He was likewiſe an eminent Inſtance, that Doubts and Fears, and horrid Suggeſtions may infeſt the truly, yea the excellently Good; and that great Loſſes and Croſſes in Eſtate and Kindred may conſiſt with God's eſpecial Favour. My Father ſet me a bright Example of Integrity and Plain-heartedneſs, p. 18of Content and Rejoycing under heavy Afflictions, of affectionate Faithfulneſs in all his Relations, and of conſcientious Diligence in his particular Calling; and he was an encouraging Inſtance of a Divine Bleſſing on ſuch as ſeek firſt the Kingdom of God and his Righteouſneſs, and caſt their Care on him in well-doing; his Eſtate having been preſerv'd and encreas'd though great hazard and loſſes without worldly Policy. Both led and engag'd to Earlineſs and Conſtancy in God's Service, ſecret, private, and publick; to a faithful diſcharge of every Office of Love to all they had to do with, to a ſober, righteous, and godly Life, in hope of a future ſatisfying everlaſting Felicity.

From ſuch I entred on my earthly Pilgrimage, Octob. 6. 1643. about 5 in the Evening, after my Mother had been 3 Days in painful dangerous Travail. I was born with a great Wound in my Head, ſuppos'd by a blow of a great boſs'd Bible, as my Mother came out of Church: That was heal'd, and afterwards many Diſeaſes and hurt p. 19in my Childhood, both Thigh-bones diſlocated together: Afterwards an Arm broken, well ſet, no harm remaining. During my tender years, I was my Parent's immediate Care in London and Hackney, from whom, and my good Grandfather, (whoſe Diverſion I often was) I wanted not Inſtruction, Example, and Encouragement; and ſo far I ſeem'd to anſwer their Endeavours, that they delighted much in me. But I well remember, and thou, O Lord, much more, abundance of Wickedneſs I was guilty of, Diſobedience to Parents, indulging my Appetite to exceſs, taking or ſtealing what was not allow'd; quarrelling eſpecially with my next Brother Samuel, whom I ſhou'd have born with, conſidering his woful Affliction by the King's Evil; Pride in Apparel, or what Abilities and Acquirements I had; Envy, miſpence of Time in Romances, Plays, idle Stories, &c. too much play and lying. All aggravated by ſo many and great Mercies and Means, ſuch ſingular Love and Light, that I have often thought my Sins more hainous than theirs that I have p. 20ſeen going to Execution: They were never ſo engag'd, never enjoy'd ſuch helps as I. Have mercy upon me, O Lord, according to thy great goodneſs, and blot out my Tranſgreſſions, for my Saviour's ſake.

Towards the end of my 15th Year, I was ſent to Cambridge with Mr. Samuel Jacomb, and by him plac'd in Queen's Colledge, under the Tuition of Mr. Andrew Paſchall: There I got the Love and good Report of my Tutor and others, but was far from deſerving it: I made a ſhift to do the Exerciſes required, but wofully neglected my Studies; ſadly addicted to Tennis, Cards, and other expenſive forbidden Sports, to reading Romances, Plays, and ſmutry Poets; and at length more entangled with had Company, eſpecially in the abſence of my ſtudious and loving Chamber-fellow, (afterwards Sir J. K. an eminent Lawyer of the Inner-Temple, taken off when riſing in Riches and Honour.) By them I was drawn once and again to Gluttony and Drunkenneſs, Swearing and Curſing, and at laſt to making (as they call'd it) indeed to ſtealing p. 21of Hankerchiefs, Knives, Books, or what elſe we cou'd lay our hands on. This was a common ſhameleſs practice: and ſuffering thereby from others, I thought I might right my ſelf. It was God's goodneſs that I went no farther, having been tempted to go with 'em to naughty Women, which (my Inclination conſider'd) I wonder I never did. Bleſſed be God who ſtill reſtrained me, till my Chamber-fellow leaving the Colledge, and ſome other Obſtacles being happily remov'd, when I was moſt in danger: My Father who ſuſpected nothing, but thought too well of me, thought ſit for other Reaſons I ſhould remove to Oxford: Thither I went towards the end of 1660, to Magdalen-Hall: Before that Year expired, I proceeded Batcheler, which to Doctors Sons (at leaſt the eldeſt) was then permitted at 12 years ſtanding: Performing the uſual Exerciſes on that occaſion, I was unexpectedly engag'd among ſome who were too exceſſively debauch'd for me. they ſtirr'd in me ſome abhorrence, as bad as I was, and drove me to better Acquaintance, and God p. 22caſt me on ſuch as were not only of a better temper, but really Pious, for whom I think my Parent's tincture had in ſome meaſure prepar'd me. I thought ſuch Company wou'd pleaſe them, and (praiſed be God) it ſoon grew pleaſant to my ſelf alſo. By their Converſe eſpecially, and reading good Books (though I alſo heard the beſt Miniſters) thoſe good Principles were awaken'd, which my Parents had ſown, and they ſoon became vigorouſly active for Repentance and ſruitful Obedience. I reſlected on my Sins with ſhame and ſorrow; I oft confeſs'd and bewail'd 'em before God with bitter Anguiſh and deteſtation: They ſoon turn'd my langhing into weeping, my uſual cheanſulneſs into a very ſorrowful medancholy, and fill'd me with Self-abhorrence, Dread, and Horrour. In ſuch a Condition I continued, though mercifully ſupported a long time, getting by degrees more gleams of light and intervals of Hope and Comfort. The Sin that was moſt troubleſom to undo, was my taking (as before) ſeveral Things from others: I thought Reſtitution p. 23my Duty, though I thought I might take as I did to right my ſelf. St. Auſlin's ſaying, Non remittitur peccatum, niſi reſtituatur ablatum, ſtruck me like Tlmnder, and I had no reſt till I parted with all, even with what I had from them that had wrong'd me. But ſhame and inconſideration betray'd me to a courſe that afterwards encreas'd my trouble: I wrote to one too guilty himſelf, and that had made me worſe: He profeſs'd Repentance, and readineſs to aſſiſt and imitate me in Reſtitution: and upon his repeated Engagements, I ſent him all I cou'd think of, not my own in kind or value, and then was quiet as to that matter: [How his Friend ſerv'd him, you'll hear anon.] As to other Faults, my way was plain: I left off every courſe of Sin and Folly, thoſe defended Games which had ſo waſted my time, ſine and faſhionable Clothes, and all bad and vain Company. I grew conſtant in ſecret and publick Duties of Religion, and convers'd with and imitated thoſe I thought moſt ſtrictly good. God's Service was my Deſign, doing good my Work, and in order p. 24thereto, I grew more and more inclin'd to the ſtudy of Divinity, and had more delight in the beginning thereof. Many Favours I received from God, among which a lignal Deliverance of my Chamber-fellow Mr Foley, and my ſelf, ought not to be forgotten: Waſhing in the River, h… who cou'd not ſwim, deſir'd me to hold him by the Hair, which while did, ſwimming with my other Arm: we were gotten out of our depths, ſo that at length ſeeking for ground, we both ſunk under water; my eſcape ſeem'd eaſie, but then I loſt him therefore I claſp'd as I cou'd his middle with my right Arm, and ſo made a ſhift to reach the Shallows. God gave me ſtrength, and kept him, tho his Head was under water, from laying hold or ſtruggling, which might have deſtroyed us both. To thee, O Lord, the traiſe; To us thankfulineſs in a fruitful I…ſe.

After almoſt two Years abode at Oxfor, I left that Ʋniverſity alſo, being ſent about 7 Months after to Leyden by my good Father, who was willing I ſhould ſtudy Phyſick. Before p. 25I went, I underſtood his unfaithfulneſs whom I had truſted to right thoſe I had wrong'd; and left with a better Man more than I could think due to any, except thoſe my ſelf righted.

In Holland I enjoy'd good Company, good Miniſtery, and my more intimate Converſe with P. C. was uſeful: We only were together in a Dutch Papiſt's Houſe, where he labour'd exceedingly under great Terrours and Sorrows for Sin; having many bitter Pangs and long Agonies, with plenty of Tears and Cries: which the Papiſt taking notice of, charg'd our Religion as uncomfortable. I help'd him as I could: He recovered by degrees, yet not fully till after our return to England. My Affection encreas'd with his Scriouſneſs, deadneſs to this World, and vigour for a better, with the Thought whereof he ſeem'd wholly taken up. His Friends and himſelf at length inclining to his Marriage, at their deſire, I recommended him to a Gentlewoman wiſh'd to me: He was not then accepted, but afterwards reviv'd his Suit, and p. 26by other help obtain'd her. I refus'd to act farther, being diſſatisfied with that change of his Company, Garb, and Carriage, &c. that followed his Father's death, and his own remove to Grey's-Inn. I had Reaſon to be glad, I did no more: for having obtained the Gentlewoman, (who prov'd deſirable, ſo inclin'd to Vertue, that he profeſs'd he muſt be very faulty, if ſhe prov'd not very good.) He brought her to Lincoln's-Inn Fields, engag'd her in vain Company, carried her to Plays, Entertainments, &c. I lovingly though plainly repreſented his Faults and Duty, and pray'd for him not without appearance of Succeſs; he removing into the Country and living more reſtrainedly. But he grew ſtrange to me, and I have ſome reaſon to fear the worſt. Thou, O Lord, hear and help, and recover out of the Snare of the Devil. Keep me (though believing the beſt) from conſidence in Man, and from making of Matches, ſeeing one, of whoſe Piety I had ſuch aſſurance, hath ſo groſly fail'd; and let all make me more humble and watchful.

p. 27I ſaw at Leyden and other places, (notwithſtanding their reformed Diſcipline) reaſon enough to love my own Country ſtill better; and therefore my inclination to Divinity ſtill continuing, though I had made ſome progreſs in Phyſick, after about a years abſence, I return'd, 1664, continuing with my Parents at London, till the Plagve and Fire for awhile removed us. Midſummer, 1688, we came to Crouched-Fryars, and with my Brother was happy in comforting and diverting my Father, till we were Witneſſes of his bleſſed Departure.

He left beſide my ſelf, dear Brother Thomas, born Apr. 14, 1648. We always lov'd, and can hardly remember any quarrel between us. The youngeſt Siſter Sarah alſo ſurvived, born May 23. — May we ſee her New-born; May I do my Duty to promote it!

Soon after my Father's death, I was ſeiz'd by a Feavouriſh Diſtemper, accompani'd with Hypochondriac winds, &c. which continued, and enforc'd ſerious Conſideration: I found in my ſelf a great change; Prayer and Reading p. 28had above 7 Years been my conſtant practice: I was temperate in Meats, Drinks, Apparel, &c. I hope truly humble; ſcrupulouſly careful to do no wrong, loſing rather. I gave the Poor conſtantly the 10th, and of late the 7th part of my Income. Oaths and Curſes which once and again I had been guilty of, I long ſince abhorr'd, and could not hear without trouble. Yet I was dejected, that though I had pleas'd and rejoyc'd my Parents, I had not been in all things ſo complying as I ſhould; and yet more, becauſe I had not ſo diligently improv'd my Time for God as I might; I hope I heartily repented, denying my ſelf, and bearing Inconveniences for my good Mother, and reſolving on greater Diligence in doing & getting good. I was likewiſe anxious whether Reſtitution were certainly made for the wrongs I had done in Cambridge 10 Years before; and determin'd to enquire and do what was further requiſite. I was ſenſible of the kindneſs of this Affliction in the aforeſaid ſearch and reſolves, and in a farther change of my Temper, growing p. 29more meek, humble, and charitable: I felt more my own vitious Impotence, and the neceſſity of Divine Grace, as being, having, and doing nothing good, but as the Spirit makes me every moment.

Before I recovered from this Sickneſs, I was forſaken by my thoughts of Conforming (to the eſtabliſh'd Church, by ſubmitting to the Terms impos'd on Miniſters) to which I had been ſufficiently inclin'd by the Reaſons and Examples of ſeveral pious and judicious Perſons. The formidable Horrours of my Conſcience, the dread of their return by reaſon of ſome doubts I could not well remove, determin'd me rather to a private Life, which I deſir'd to render as uſeful as I might.

[I remember when I was one Day diſcourſing him about Miniſterial Conformity, he told me, 'Twas the Declaration of Aſſent and Conſent to all things contained in, and preſcribed by the Book of Common-Prayer, and the Form and manner of Ordaining and Conſecrating Biſhops, Prieſts, and Deacons, that he chiefly ſtuck at, and could not p. 30think that Declaration could be ſincerely made by ſuch whoſe Judgments diſapprov'd ſo many Things in thoſe Two Books, as his did: And he was the more confirm'd in his Averſion to ſo enſnaring a Declaration, by obſerving ſeveral others of his Acquaintance that had made it, (though under the ſame diſſatisfaction with himſelf, concerning ſeveral Things contain'd in theſe Books) by giving it a looſer Conſtruction than he thought the Words capable of, to become leſs ſtrict and conſcientious in other Duties of Religion, than they had been before: Which viſible declenſion from their former ſeriouſneſs and circumſpection, he was afraid might flow from their having too far ſuffer'd their Judgment to be ſway'd and byaſs'd by their Intereſt, in a matter of ſo great Importance.]

Hackney, Sept. 10. 1670.

I return'd from Deal after 3 Days ſtay with my dear Brother going to Aleppo: I parted ſadly with one ſo dear in the ſtricteſt bands of Love and Nature; yet we encourag'd our ſelves in our good God, whoſe Favour we had ſo experienc'd together, and hop'd p. 31we ſhould ſtill enjoy when ſo far aſunder. I deſired all might make me more long and labour after, and prepare for Heaven, where Friends part not bitterly any more, and where God is All in All for ever.

Hackney, Octob. 11. 1670.

I grew ill of a Quartan Ague, as it quickly proved: My Prayers were for Chriſtian Patience and Wiſdom to bear the worſt, and make a good Improvement of all, that God might be glorified, my ſelf and others bettered, and Chriſt more comfortably in life and death Advantage.

June 20. 1671.

Trying Enfield-Air, for removing my Ague, I rode into the Chaſe, and being among the Trees thoughtful and careleſs, my Horſe by a great and ſudden ſtart, turn'd me firſt on his Crupper, and ere-long on the ground; yet only tore my Clothes among the Trees and Buſhes. I was forc'd to walk back to Coz. Farrington's, in the heat, which turn'd my expected Cold into a violent Sweat. I deſired thankfully p. 32to remember that Preſervation in ſuch apparent danger, and to be ſenſible of God's good Providence, as oft as I ride, and no ſuch danger appears; and to be ſtill as careful to perform, as I was ready to reſolve and vow.

Hackney, Apr. 22. 1672.

Scorbutick Pains and melancholy Fumes much diſcompos'd me, though I had no more Ague-fits, &c. Yet they were not ſo much my trouble, as the Diſeaſes of my Soul: My Prayers were for more Grace, that I might not relapſe, but grow my ſelf, and make others alſo more holy; that my Charity might be greater, the Defects thereof pardon'd; that my own Sins might lye heavier, and Afflictions lighter: — Ʋre, ſeca, Domine, modo non in aeternum.

July 26. 1672.

Melancholy Fumes exceedingly diſturbed and unſitted my Mind for any Service: I doubted I ſhould live uſeleſs, and apprehended God was taking the forfeiture of thoſe Parts and Abilities I had abus'd. I prayed for p. 33Health, and Powers, and Opportunities to ſerve God, and be uſeful to Men, vouching the ſincerity of my Heart; yet preſently retracting, having found it ſo deceitful, and beſeeching Mercy and help for my Saviour's ſake.

Though urg'd, and on ſome accounts diſpos'd to Marry, I choſe rather to continue ſingle, becauſe I feared ſuch a change would rather hinder God's chearful faithful Service; I ſhould have leſs Time, leſs Mony for good Uſes, and not be in a capacity to embrace ſome mean Opportunity of ſerving God in Publick, like what ſome had, who could not go farther than my ſelf. I appeal to God, begging his Bleſſing according (as I hop'd) to the uprightneſs of my Heart.

Decem. 30. 1672.

I was, I hope, truly deſirous of being uſeful, and endeavoured by ſeveral ways to help our own Family towards Heaven: I was ſenſible of the Duty and Comfort thereof, and was excited by what I heard of Biſhop Wilkins, from ſuch as viſited him p. 34when he was entring on Eternity.

He had no anxious Thoughts about his everlaſting Condition, which (as he ſaid) many others better than himſelf had; He approv'd his own Moderation and the Eſtabliſhment of the Church of England, only wiſh'd ſome Things amended, and the Management in the Hands of good and prudent Men. He regarded not his Ʋniverſal Character, which had much empair'd his Health; but when ſpoken to about a Latin Verſion of it, deſired not to be troubled about it, profeſſing his Comfort and Joy, that ſince his Promotion to Cheſter, he had encouraged and furthered Preaching of Chriſt.

My Prayers were that I might not be negligent in my own Sphere, but act to the utmoſt of my Power for my Lord's Glory, and my own Comfort.

Hackney, March. 24.

p. 35I was ſtrangely troubled on a ſmall occaſion; a Friend having ſome diſcourſes of a good deceaſed Biſhop S. — and it being judg'd expedient to make 'em publick, I deliver'd 'em to a Bookſeller, who having Printed one without Licence, was afraid to Sell it. I was not concern'd however, knowing the Diſcourſe inoffenſive to my Superiours. But I was quickly troubled that I did not my own Work, nor as I wou'd be done to, Publiſhing what the worthy Author had kept private, and without their leave that had right to it, (as poſſibly ſome had) and occaſioning others to break the Laws in Printing without Licence. I endeavour'd to calm the Storm, but it raged the more, till I cou'd neither wake nor ſleep, talk nor cat in quiet; nor was it laid till I took off and made away the Impreſſion, and return'd my Friend the other Writings. I deſired to learn how conſtantly I depended on God, and without his good Providence, ſhou'd daily break my peace, and deſtroy my ſelf: And I reſolved, ſince ſo ſmall a Failure had coſt me ſo dear, I would be more watchful againſt p. 36all Degrees of Sin, and do nothing without more Deliberation and Prayer.

Hackney, April 10. 1673.

By a Letter from the Lord Drummond, Son to the Earl of Perth, written at the requeſt of my dying Friend Mr. Patrick Drummond; I had ſome account of his laſt Hours, full of Heavenly Expreſſions, concerning the Love of God, and of affectionate Prayers for his Friends, and particularly for my ſelf; Which, O Lord, anſwer! About 18 or 19 Years before, the Calamities of his Country having driven him up to London, where he was well entertain'd by my Uncle Bewley, to Teach his Son; I likewiſe was a with his Care, and he conſidently … I wou'd ſtudy Divinity: and though my Inclination and Carriage afterwards, eſpecially at Cambridge, … my Friends and ſelf judge he was miſtaken; yet he perſiſted in the ſame Opinion, and liv'd to rejoyce with my ſelf in the Event. May my dear Friend's Memory be ſweet and uſeful as to my ſelf, ſo to his other Friends, p. 37and particularly to that Lord, who ſavour'd me with this Account. My Friend was wont to expreſs a great Honour for, and Hope of him, eſpecially for Religion. May he ſtill exceed himſelf, honour God, and be uſeful in his Country; and do the more good, becauſe (alas) ſo many do none, or worſe. O that God would change them, and make more great Perſons Great and Publick Bleſſings, for our dear Saviour's ſake.

Hackney, May 22. 1673.

I had groaned many Days under great trouble of Mind, occaſion'd at firſt by ſome diſcourſe about Sacriledge, and a Story of Dr. Holdſworth, who hearing one expreſs great hopes of good from the long Parliament; he reply'd, He wou'd have none expect it, ſince Parliaments ſo ſacrilegiouſly alienated Church-Lands. I think I had heard as much formerly without being concern'd, but now I immediately apprehended, If the Alienation were ſinful, ſo was the detention; and thence I might become guilty of Sacriledge, if I ſhould enjoy an Eſtate taken long ſince from the Hoſpital of St. Bartholomew the Leſs, in p. 38Smithfield, bought by my Father at above 20 Years purchace, after divers preceding Alienations, and left by him after my Mother's Life to me.

My Terrours encreas'd by reading about Sacriledge, the Forms of ancient Dedication, with Curſes, &c.**Of his ſe… …ion in …fer… to this ma… ter; ſee afterwards.

Thence Conſcience ran backward, examin'd the material Paſſages of my Life, rack'd me with tormenting Scruples about Matters of Meum & Tuum, and ſill'd me with frightful Repreſentations not only of my quondam Cambridge Sinful-follies, but of my following Actions, for Father and Self, (in reference to the forementioned Eſtate:) So that I was ſtrangely jealous I had ſome way done amiſs, tho' very conſident that ſince my Repenting and Reſtoring (1661. 12 Years before) I had ever ſtudiouſly and ſcrupulouſly endeavour'd to do as I wou'd be done unto. Nor could I ſix on any particular Failure, unleſs on ſelling two Horſes laſt Year**Of this alſo afterwards.. Then I queſtion'd whether my Attempts to ſatisfie ſuch as I had wrong'd (while at Cambridge) had ſucceeded; and St. Auſtin's Saying, Non remittitur, &c. made p. 39me tremble. I alſo fear'd I had profan'd the Lord's Supper: and when on ſearch I began to hope I had not, I charg'd my ſelf with raſh preſumption, in thinking of ſo high and holy a Calling (as the Miniſtry) which ſuch baſe former Sins wou'd diſgrace. My Perplexities were lamentable: I had recourſe to God by Prayer, though not ſufficiently frequent and fervent; and I conſulted his Word and Servants.

I could not find it was any Sin for me who had ſinned ſo much, and perhaps hardned ſome, to endeavour the reclaiming of others: I found great Sinners had been (after Converſion) us'd by the Holy God as choſen Inſtruments of his Grace; and remembred many late Examples guilty of Sins materially equal, if not greater than mine, whom yet God bleſt with eminent Succeſs and Comfort.

My fear of diſgracing Religion ſeemed very unreaſonable; the Sins known to few, very few and far off, ſo many Years ſince repented of and forſaken! and my Converſation (though needing manifold pardon from God) having p. 40long gain'd too favourable a Repute among Men. Therefore though moſt unworthy to be honoured by God, to do him any Service towards the Salvation of any poor Creature; yet I could not but think it lawful, yea my Duty to endeavour it to the utmoſt of my Capacity and Power; and thereon reſolv'd to reject and reſiſt ſuch Suggeſtions as Temptations to Sin againſt my Duty.

[As to the Reſtitution wherein his Friend had ſo unworthily diſappointed him, he here ſets down all the Particulars wherein he could remember any wrong'd, and by whom he had made Reſtitution in all more than double the value, and in moſt much more, and thus concludes.]

Thus for leſs than 4. l. at the utmoſt value, I paid with a great deal of ſhame & trouble about 15 l. and I gave 20 l. extraordinary to the Poor. I would all that wrong'd me knew I forgave them, though none made me Satisfaction, except 3 l. from one that deſir'd to be conceal'd, were on that account.

p. 41Some Advantage I found by my Troubles in this Affair.

1. I found much Pride within me, and was hereby made baſe and vile in my own Eyes, and willing to be ſo in others.

2. I minded too much what was leſs needful, and theſe Diſtractions drave me to the Eſſentials of Religion, and made me mind them more.

3. I was more convinc'd of my own Impotency and Nothingneſs, and of my conſtant dependance on God for Duty and Comfort: I found Reaſons and Arguments nothing till God enabled me after another manner to apply them.

4. I was more ſenſible of the Neceſſity and Uſe of Prayer.

5. I underſtood better the condition of the Scrupulous, that their Troubles were not to be ſlighted as proceeding from Weakneſs and Folly; but to be tenderly manag'd: and that the withdrawings of the Spirit are ſomething beſide Melancholy, though that may be joyn'd with them.

6. I was warn'd byall to walk more circumſpectly, that I might not provoke p. 42my Heavenly Father thus to chaſten me: and inſtead of Controverſies, eſpecially about ſmall and myſterious Matters, to ſtudy more the practical Life of Faith in nearer Communion with the bleſſed Fountain of Holineſs, Peace, and Joy.

My Scruples about the Horſes I ſold had as little grounds as almoſt any other. I repeated my Charge to thoſe that ſold them, to ſpeak truth, neither denying nor uſing any means to conceal any Fault: Only I doubted I was not ſufficiently careful to have the Buyers acquainted with all I knew my ſelf. It being the Rule of an Heathen, Tully; Ne quid omnino quod venditor novit, emptor ignoret. Yet I could not learn the Buyers were damag'd, nor ſay they paid too dear; and good Men laugh'd at my Scruples, profeſſing themſelves would do as I had done.

[How happy were civil Societies, if all acted in their Contracts with ſo ſtrict and conſcientious Juſtice! The comprehenſive Rule of Righteouſneſs between p. 43Man and Man, deliver'd by our Saviour, Matth 7. ver. 12. includes this of Tully as one branch of it. What a vile Reproach is it then to the Chriſtian Profeſſion, that ſo many thouſands that make it, ſhould in their Dealings fall ſhort of the Rules of Juſtice laid down by an Heathen Moraliſt.]

As to the danger of Sacriledge, which gave the firſt Alarm, old Evidences ſhew'd, that about or above 130 Years before 1673. Duckets belong'd to the little Hoſpital of St. Bartholomew in Weſt-Smithfield, and was Leas'd by the Maſter and Brethren for 10 l. per annum, and ſome Money towards Repair of their Church, and Relief of their Poor. The Reſult of my Reading, Conſideration and Prayer, was to this effect:

1. The firſt Alienation did not appear to be Sacriledge; i. e. A ſtealing or converting to their own uſe what was Sacred, lawfully ſet apart to God, nor yet robbing of the Poor.

2. There wanted Evidence of a right Dedication to God, directed and accepted by him. To paſs by the Cenſers of p. 44Corah, &c. Num. 16.16, 17.37, 38. if not hallow'd at firſt by particular Divine Appointment: yet afterwards as a Monument of their Sin and Puniſhment, there were expreſs Commands, or at leaſt ſufficient general Directions which regulated the ſeparating of Things to God; and what was ſet apart agreeably to ſuch Warrants, was ſacred, and belonged to God indeed. Thus Tythes, Cities and Suburbs for the Prieſts and Levites under the Law were holy, (if not the former with Houſes and Glebes for Miniſters alſo under the Goſpel) and ſo were the Firſt-Fruits, and other commanded and directed Offerings. But Hiſtories make it doubtful whether what was ſeparated in thoſe dark times, was according to any ſufficient Divine Warrant and Direction; or rather from the cheating Extortion of covetous Prieſts, and the ſuperſtitious Errors of ignorant Laicks, without Scripture-Rule or End; too oft 'tis to be fear'd not more acceptable to God, than what he forbad of old, the hire of a Whore, or the price of a Dog.

p. 452. Alienations were exceſſive, contrary to the common good; Therefore though they had been otherwiſe regular, not allow'd, and conſequently not accepted by God. He bounded Dedication of old, and it was not lawful to exceed the meaſure in what he moſt expreſly requir'd. When the People had offer'd enough for the Tabernacle, they were forbid to bring any more. Levi was to have no Inheritance, only Dwellings with Fields ſo many Cubits round. The Reaſons of ſuch Commands hold, clearing and ſtrengthning the Law of Nature, and Statutes of Mortmain, &c. againſt exceſſive Alienations to religious or charitable Uſes; and for tranſlating what was ſuperſtitious, noxious, and therefore unlawfully ſeparated. Such ſeems to have been our caſe. The Clergy exceſſively ſupernumerary and debauch'd, and as exceſſively endow'd; Though not an hundred part of the Kingdom, yet having, as was computed, a fifth, (nay, as ſome, a fourth part or more) of the prime Lands thereof. Such vaſt ſuperfluous Revenues might be judg'd rather a provocation of God, than an p. 46acceptable Dedication to him: and therefore ought to be remov'd into a righter Channel. Hence they that alienated ſuch Lands, might not dread thoſe terrible Curſes inſerted in the dedication of them, or otherwiſe thunder'd out againſt the Alienators thereof. If God had bid 'em curſe, or in ſome caſes from Superiours or Parents, 'twere dreadful. But when ſuch Curſes proceed from Errour, are unjuſt and uncharitable, Prov. 26.2. like a reſtleſs Bird flying fearfully away; the cauſleſs Curſe, as if afraid to come near the Innocent, ſhall be far off, never hurt; therefore ſhould not be ſuperſtitiouſly regarded.

2. If any of thoſe Lands were unlawfully alienated, and Reſtitution therefore a Duty: they that order'd and acted were the Perſons bound to it; or they being long dead, My Lord Bacon (as I remember) thought that following Parliaments were concern'd; not particular Perſons, who may lawfully poſſeſs what was at firſt unlawfully alienated upon preſcription, purchace, &c. Judg. 11. with Deut. 2. Though the Iſraelites were not to meddle with p. 47the Moabites or Ammonites, nor to have any of their Land for a Poſſeſſion; yet having taken a large Country from the Amorites, of which they had diſpoſſeſſed the other, Jephtha juſtified the keeping of it againſt the claim of the King of the Ammonites, (and it ſeems of the Moabites alſo, (or at leaſt confederate with them) by a threefold Plea: 1. That the Country was taken from Sihon and his Amorites, and not from the Moabites or Ammonites. 2. They gain'd it in a juſt War approv'd by God, Joſh. 13.24. 3. They had long enjoy'd it, towards 300 years, the round Summ mentioned.

I thought I might make the like defence.

This Eſtate belong'd to Sir Stephen Scot's Heirs, after various preceding Alienations by Purchace, Deſcent, &c.

2. 'Twas purchas'd by my Father in the ſimplicity of his heart at a full Price; and if I ſurviv'd my Mother, would fairly deſcend to me.

3. It had been enjoy'd towards 140 Years, ſince taken from the Hoſpital, a larger preſcription than uſually p. 48requir'd to conſirm Eſtates; Poſſeſſiones five privatae ſive publicae praeſcriptione longi temporis confirmantur. Elſe there would be no end of Scruples, Contention, and Confuſion.

3. Reſtitution was made in full meaſure by King Edward the Sixth, the Hoſpital advanc'd to a better Condition, and the Church to a Pariſh-Church.

Weaver's Funeral Monuments. The Hoſpital of little St. Bartholomew in Weſt Smithfield, for the Poor and Diſeaſed, founded by Raherne firſt Prior, and Founder of the Priory of Great St. Bartholomew, to be govern'd by a Maſter and Eight Brethren Prieſts; (as Speed, black Canons) for the Church, and Four Siſters, to ſee the Poor ſerv'd, valued at the Suppreſſion at 305 l. 6 s. 7 d.

p. 49Speed agrees, naming the laſt Prior Balton for a great Benefactor.

Stow's Survey. Hoſpital of St. Bartholomew valued at the Suppreſſion, 1539. 31 of H. 8. at 305 l. 6 s. 7 d. Reſtored 1546. by King Edward the Sixth, with the Meſſuages of Gilt-Spur-Street, Burton-Street, Peter-Key, Old Fiſh-Street, and St. Bennet, Hulda Limehurſt, in Stepney, beſides very large Collections from the Citizens, ſo that it was New-built 1553. ſince much augmented.

So that what-ever was the firſt Dedication, beſides all to be ſaid for the exceſſive Alienation of Mortmains, and yet more for retaining after ſo long a Preſcription, ſeeing the Church was reſtor'd, if not continued to the Pariſh, and in 7 Years the Hoſpital alſo Rebuilt, and better Endow'd out of King Edward's Eſtate, and by his Influence: p. 50I thought I had no occaſion to ſcruple the enjoyment of Duckets, if it ſhould deſcend to me: as many better than I, enjoy without ſcruple Eſtates, for which they have not ſo much to ſay.

Hackney, March 31. 1674.

My Days were checquer'd with Duties and Failings, Hopes and Fears, Joys and Griefs: My Deſires, and, I hope, ſincere Endeavours, were for ſtronger Reſolutions, more vigorous and lively Affections, ardenter Love, and ſweeter Joy in a holy dependance on, Reſignation and Obedience to my God, that I might through Grace write down more matter of Praiſe and Joy in perpetual well-doing; for my deareſt Saviour's ſake.

Hackney, July 28. 1674.

I had in ſome ſincere manner (I hope) ſerved God, and ſtill mourn'd after a publick Opportunity in any tolerable Circumſtances, on ſuch terms as I could come up to, like what I heard ſome (though ſtraiter than I) enjoy'd. I was willing to take Epiſcopal Orders, if I could have had p. 51them; but did not think 'em abſolutely neceſſary to occaſional Preaching under ſome publick Miniſter, which I would have reſted and rejoyc'd in; an uſeleſs life being very burdenſom. I thought God call'd me to ſerve him as I could: I had enough of ſuch Teſtimonies as the Biſhops uſually requir'd. I was far from ſlighting the ſolemn Inveſting Rite, very ready to ſeek it of them, when judg'd attainable and expedient in my Circumſtances. I had likewiſe obſerv'd it ordinary in the Ʋniverſities to Preach long without Orders as Probationers, &c. and accordingly thought my ſelf oblig'd not to refuſe any inoffenſive opportunity of doing good by Preaching, where it was wanted, particularly for our aged Vicar Mr. Timpſion, who greatly needed help, and had ſometimes no better than mine.

Hadley, Decem. 11. 1674.

Having on repeated Invitation taken a Journey to Glaſtenbury near Cranbroke in Kent; I had there propoſed for a Wife, Mrs. Bridget Roberts, Daughter to the Lady of that p. 52Name. I was little (if at all) affected with the Honour, nor was the Portion ſo great as I had been tempted with elſewhere: But there was deſirable aſſurance of Piety, Humility, good Temper, Induſtry, and Frugality, and withal a fairer Opportunity of inoffenſive Uſefulneſs than had yet offer'd in my Circumſtances.

[After ſome account of his Courtſhip, and the Remora's he met with, but at laſt overcame in it, he adds.]

Tueſday, Octob. 5. 1675. we were Married in Glaſlenbury-Chappel, my ſelf at the end of my 32d. Year, my Wife not 18. by Mr. Monckton Vicar of Brenchly, Sir Thomas giving her, her Mother, other Brother and Siſter, and a few beſides preſent. I praiſed God who had enabled us to follow him our Ruler, Guide, and End; and had at length clear'd our way, and brought us into that near relation. I pray'd it might be ſanctified and improv'd to the great ends which I hope we ſincerely aim'd at.

All this while I endeavour'd, not without ſome ſincceſs, that others p. 53might be the better, not the worſe for me.

May 29. 1676. Glaſtenbury.

On my return, I ſet about doing good in the Family and Neighbourhood, having ſeriouſly conſider'd my Duty to God, my Superiours, and others, and likewiſe their Circumſtances among whom I was then to live.

The Family and others accuſtom'd to the old Chappel at Glaſtenbury, being two Miles or more from the Church, prejudic'd againſt the eſtabliſh'd Worſhip, and the next Miniſter, the Vicar of G—, eſpecially Th. a drunken impertinent Sot, that diſtaſted many conformable enough, and made 'em approve more private Help. I ſtill dealt openly as I had done before Marriage, declaring my deſire of more publick Service, readineſs to read Common Prayer, almoſt all, going ſometimes to the neighbouring Churches, and joyning in the Liturgy; and letting them know my practice of Communicating, and that kneeling. I drew none to p. 54our private Meeting, but blam'd ſuch as came from good Miniſters, profeſſing I would not keep up a ſeparate Congregation, but only while it appear'd expedient help for ſuch as were ſo ill provided. I proceeded with more Confidence and Comfort, becauſe I had no trouble, nor heard of any diſlike from the more conformable Neighbours, and was more confirm'd in the moderate courſe I had taken by the impotent Cenſures of ſome uncharitable Perſons. My Prayers were to know my Duty, and do it, pleaſing God, though I diſpleas'd Man.

Glaſtenb. Sept. 20. 1676.

[He here gives ſome Account of ſome Scruptes about his Wife's Portion, occaſion'd by a Report of her great Grandfather dying in Debt, and the clear Satisfacti… …e attain'd upon an exact Enquiry into that Affair.]

I was alſo thankful for God's Aſſiſtance in doing good, for Health and Eye-ſight, Love, and Kindneſs in my Relations, Succeſs of my Affairs, mirigating, ſhortning, and ſanctifying p. 55Troubles, &c. My Prayerers were for Encreaſe of Grace and Comfort, for more of the true Chriſtian Spirit of Love to all, even to the Ʋnjuſt and Ʋnkind, that Love might be the commanding frame and temper of my Soul.

Glaſtenb. July 5. 1677.

Troubleſome cenſorious dividing Spirits had occaſion'd more thoughts of thoſe unhappy Controverſies about Forms, Ceremonies, Church-Government, &c. And I was ſtill more ſatisfied, even when moſt ſerious, that the bitter extreams of Diſſenters, (as well as of rigid Conformiſis) were very diſpleaſing to God: That Spiritual Pride, narrow-ſpirited miſtakes, and grievous wreſting of the holy Scriptures, were the evil roots of unchriſtian Diviſions and real Schiſins: I was much troubled at ſuch Uncharitable and Love-killing Principles and Practices; yet had cauſe to be thankful that there was more Light and Love amongſt thoſe that came to the Meeting at Glaſtenbury, which I ſtill endeavour'd to encreaſe.

p. 56I thankfully hop'd I had not been wholly unfruitful, and own'd God's very gracious Dealings in all my Afflictions in many reſpects, particularly for regarding my Weakneſs, removing one trouble before another came, and ſupporting under all.

Again, Praiſes for comfortable Converſe, Succeſs in my Affairs, ſome progreſs in getting and doing good, and a life of Love, in ſome meaſure, according to God's Ordinance, with my Dear for two Years paſt.

Glaſtenb. Sept. 22. 1679.

I was awaken'd the beginning of the Year by apprehenſion of greater Afflictions which I attempted to prepare for: I found I thought matter for Praiſes, in what I had been and done, to be ſure in many Favours for Body and Soul, which I was concern'd more thankfully to improve. I was ſeveral times ſtill more affected with the encreaſing woful Effects of Church-Divſions. I thought (and think ſtill) I might appear to God, his Word was my Rule for Peace, which by Study and Prayer I endeavour'd to underſtand; p. 57but I could not judge concurrence with narrow-ſoul'd unreaſonable Enemies of Peace, any other than Conſpiracy againſt it. I therefore openly and honeſtly diſown'd and oppos'd the uncharitable ſinful Courſes ſome took: My Deſires, Prayers, and Endeavours were, that Profeſſors might have more ſound Knowledge and Humility, and walk in the good ways of Catholick-Truth, Love, and Peace. My Praiſes flow'd from freedom fro… unpleaſant Extreams, from unt…ard Wranglings about little Things, and from loſing holy Love, and the Vitals of Religion in unchriſtian irrational Heats about the leſs neceſſary variable Circumſtances thereof. The miſchief of ſuch Courſes grew daily more and more evident, and accordingly my Reſolutions againſt them: I was again and again thankful for many other continued and encreaſed Favours, eſpecially for my Faithfulneſs and Succeſs in doing Good.

[It was a little before this time that the good Providence of God happily brought me into his Acquaintance and p. 58Converſe, being invited to Preach once a Lord's-day with him to the People that met at Glaſtenbury, which I continued to do for near a Year: And therefore can give a better Account of what theſe Expreſſions in his Diary refer to. He was fully ſatisfied with his own practice in Preaching to that Auditory, which generally conſiſted of Perſons not only very ſerious in their temper, but free from any of thoſe uncharitable Heats that accompany a narrow Zeal for a Party. They were indeed drawn to attend his Miniſtry, becauſe as they had but too juſt reaſon of diſſatisfaction with the neighbouring Pariſh-Miniſters: ſo they ſoon found other Impreſſions made on them by his judicious and affectionate Diſcourſes, which yet deriv'd ſtill greater Efficacy from an eminently holy Converſation, and particularly from his large Charity in furniſhing all poor Families thereabouts with Catechiſms, and other good Books, and his unwearied Care in viſiting them, to examine their Proficiency in the knowledge and practice of ſerious Religion. And be durſt not throw off that Miniſterial Work wherein God bleſt him with ſo eminent Succeſs, to avoid ſome Men's p. 59weak and groundleſs charges of Schiſm and Separation: But thought the Salvation of Souls that needed better help than they were provided for in publick, preferable to the obſervation of thoſe Eccleſiaſtical Canons which excluded ſo many faithful and laborious Miniſters from being employ'd in the Pariſh-Churches, of whoſe continued Labours, he thought there was an apparent neceſſity. For though the publick Clergy was almoſt ſupernumerary, yet there were but few in compariſon who ſeem'd to have any due ſenſe of the weight of the Paſtoral Charge, and too few that had Qualifications of Learning and Piety requiſite for it. But on the other hand, he was greatly troubled at the Extream which he thought thoſe Diſſenters run into, who avoided all Communion with the Pariſh-Churches: and to expreſs his diſlike of what he thought an uncharitable temper in them, he often (as you'll read anon) communicated in the next Pariſh-Church, and was troubled to find that ſeveral whom he thought truly good Men, ſhould ſo warmly cenſure him for it. Nay, he was ſo extreamly tender of prejudicing the Intereſt of Pariſh-Churches, that p. 60though he durſt not condemn thoſe of his Brethren, who form'd diſtinct Congregations, to which they adminiſtred the Lord's-Supper, and all other Ordinances, though without renouncing occaſional Communion with the Pariſh-Churches; yet he was ſo earneſtly deſirous of an Act of Comprehenſion, that might (by reſtoring Diſcipline in Pariſh-Churches, and giving Miniſters acceſs to them on ſuch eaſier terms as his Judgment could comply with) lay the foundation of a happy Union; that he reſolv'd rather to wait longer for it, than do any thing to make the breach wider, by going further than conſtant Preaching, which he look'd on only as a neceſſary help, and no real hindrance to the true Intereſt of Religion in the Pariſh-Churches. And often freely declar'd ſo much to thoſe that there attended his Miniſtry.

Having made ſo long a Digreſſion, though neceſſary, to clear the ſenſe of theſe Paſſages in his Diary, (by which it fully appears with what Deliberation and ſincerity he acted in theſe matters;) I ſhall before I cloſe it, ſubjoyn one Inſtance of the admirable Influence his p. 61Example and Perſuaſions had to promote Religion in the Family and Neighbourhood of Glaſtenbury: For the Heir of it, Sir Thomas R— being but then newly come to Age, did at his deſire, (to engage his Tenants the more effectually to the ſtudy and practice of Religion) call together their Servants and Children every Lord's-day, after the Afternoon Sermon, and himſelf Catechiz'd them. This I have often obſerv'd with great Satisfaction, and as I am ſure the mention of it is no diſhonour to his Quality or Years; ſo I wiſh that ſo memorable an Example of early Zeal for Piety, may draw others to an Imitation of it. Such familiar Inſtructions would be more readily and thankfully embrac'd by their Inferiours, from thoſe on whom their Secular Intereſt depends, and whom they are ſure nothing but compaſſionate Charity to their Souls, can prompt to ſo much condeſcenſion. But to return to Mr. Trench's Diary.]

Glanſtenb. May 24. 1680.

p. 62I had been Abus'd, Cenſured, and Slander's, Faithfulneſs and Plain-dealing had hard returns: But my Duty was comfortable, though againſt the ſtream; I had Witneſſes of my Integrity above and within, and in the conſidence thereof was plain and free with the injurious Party, to whom I ſtill return'd Good for Evil, Prayers, and Services for many and cruel Wrongs. The Guilty at length expreſt a great and ſorrowful ſenſe of what was paſt, asking God forgiveneſs, and his unworthy Servant, and promis'd what had flown out in Paſſion againſt Truth, ſhould be rectified, and my Innocence clear'd. I was ſtill praiſing God who enabled me to do my Duty, againſt ſuch cutting Provocations, and gave me ſo much kindneſs, where I leſs expected it.

Glaſt. Jan. 1. 1681.

Thankful acknowledgments of continued Goodneſs to me and mine, eſpecially for any Sincerity and Diligence in encreaſing my own and others Knowledge, Love, and Obedience; Breathings after more and more Holineſs, p. 63That by any means I might be more like my Heavenly Father, more faithful in endeavouring his Glory, and the good of men, and more happy in ſucceſs.

Prayers for conſtant Aſſiſtance were quickned by the ſudden ſinking and dying of an old Acquaintance, Mr. S— who was commonly very chearful, full of comfortable conſident Expreſſions of Reſignation to and truſt in God, and of unconcernedneſs for and elevation above lower temporal matters: Yet on the Death of a Friend and Wife, all fail'd, and he ſoon ſunk and died. What need to pleaſe and ſeek to God continually, that he may keep us ſtrong in himſelf and the power of his might.

Glaſt. July 10. 1682.

I comply'd to ſtay at Glaſt. though ſollicited by other Friends to be nearer them, with hearty Prayers to be more laborious and ſucceſsful for their good, particularly Sir Th's., whom I had great reaſon to love. I had comfortable hopes of my own Sincerity, but not without trouble for my ſluggiſhneſs and wandring Thoughts. I p. 64reflected on the prime of my Health and Briskneſs, not improv'd as became me for God, acknowledging it juſt I ſhould not be honour'd to do him any conſiderable Service, and begg'd pardon and ſtrength of Body and Soul, and good ſucceſs, For his infinite unaccountable Mercy and Goodneſs in our deareſt Saviour.

Glaſt. May 28. 1683.

I found ſeveral Notes of my own Sincerity, and with more conſidence: Diſtractions were my trouble, againſt which my Prayers were ſtill directed.

I had deſign'd to receive the Sacrament in Cranbroke-Church, not from fear, for which there was then no occaſion: but from ſenſe of Duty, and trouble for the neglect thereof. I had been for it, and oft declar'd my Judgment.

But the vehement Averſion and diſſwaſion of ſeveral good Men had kept me from doing it there: But I was at length ſatisfied I ought not to pleaſe them therein, but to obey the Commands of Chriſtian Ʋnity, Communion, p. 65and Love; to perform a Duty, and partake of a Priviledge ſadly neglected, and take away that Offence which forbearance would ſix before ſome who miſtakingly cry out againſt Offence, when through their own Faults diſpleas'd.

My Body had continued very crazy, Lungs ſenſibly heated and ſwell'd by the Catarrh, notwithſtanding many means: but God ſent me to London, made my Friends urge me to better advice, and bleſt what was preſcrib'd, eſpecially Milk variouſly prepar'd and mixt, with quick and ſtrange ſucceſs. Wiſhes were for an Heart more drawn and warm'd by Divine Goodneſs and Love.

My Work at Glaſtenbury drawing to an end, my Conſcience witneſs'd that I had endeavour'd to promote the Eſſentials of Religion, not our unhappy Differences, with as little appearance of Schiſm or Faction as I could.

Brenchley, Nov. 20. 1684.

Our 6th Son was Bapitz'd and named p. 66Thomas, by Mr. Monkton, our Miniſter at Brenchley: I hop'd he had not only the Token, but the ſaving benefit of the Covenant, praying he might live, and faithfully embrace it for himſelf.

Brenchley, July, 5. 1685.

This Day I received the Sacrament, renewing my Covenant with my God, who is my All. I converſe little with Men, but enough to ſee and hear of many lamentable ſinful Diſtempers. Lord make all better, and keep ſuch as profeſs greater Purity, from impure Heats and Miſtakes, and from doing Evil under pretence of Good.

July 21.

I endeavoured as I ought to be affected with the Sins and Sufferings of ſo many.

My Thoughts have been frequently of God, and my Diſcourſes with ſeveral as I had opportunity: I hope they would have been better, if leſs diſturb'd by bodily indiſpoſition, which ſtill clouds my Head. O for a better Head and Heart to glorifie my p. 67good God and Saviour, in doing and ſuffering whatever pleaſeth him.

Brenchly, Octob. 7. 1685.

Being entred into the 43d. Year of my Life, I reflected on my carriage towards God and Man, what I had been and done in the World; and what grounds I had to hope for a better: The Reſult whereof I write for future uſe, I hope without partiality. God grant I may yet write better.

I am unfeignedly willing to know the worſt of my ſelf; I think I have good ground to hope I have found the benefit of an early and ſincere Dedication to God by my good Parents, and of their careful Education and frequent Prayers, and the many other Spiritual Advantages I enjoy'd.

I am pretty well aſſur'd that I have choſen God for my Portion, Reſt, and Happineſs; and that I prefer not the Profits, Pleaſures, and Honours of this World, before him. I deſire no more thereof than is needful for his Service, heartily deſiring and ſeeking firſt the Kingdom of God and his Righteouſneſs, p. 68and expecting other things in due ſubordination.

I have, I hope, heartily, humbly, and thankfully accepted the Lord Chriſt, as offered in the Goſpel to be my Saviour on his own terms, to ſave me from my Sins, to ſanctiſie me by his Word and Spirit, to rule me by his Laws, and ſo to juſtiſie and ſave me from Guilt and Puniſhment for ever.

I have been and am greatly troubled that I did not earlier return unto God: The Sins of my Youth and my Relapſes ſince, are the grief of my Soul, which I would waſh away, if poſſible, with my own blood: It cuts my Heart that I forſook them no ſooner, and that my following Life hath not been more fruitful. Yet I hope, I have been and am ſincere, keeping my ſelf through Grace, from my own Iniquity, and living in the practice of the contrary Duties.

I am heartily willing to comply with God in all things, and to live in the daily practice of all thoſe holy, heavenly, ſpiritual Duties of Heart and Life, which my God requires: I p. 69am very ſorry that I perform them no better: and yet I hope I am not defil'd with great or reigning Sin, but am prevailingly his faithful Servant.

I long for nothing more than, nothing ſo much as more Fixedneſs of Mind on God, more Conſtanoy, Chearfulneſs, and Succeſs in his bleſſed Service.

I unfeignedly deſire, and, through Divine Aſſiſtance, reſolve to perſevere and grow ſtill better, notwithſtanding all Difficulties, and againſt all Temptations, to think of and act according to Matth. 10.37, 38, &c. and Luke 14.26, 33. That whatever it coſt, I will ſo run, that I may obtain the Crown, forgetting thoſe things that are behind, and preſſing forward towards the mark for the price of our high calling of God in Chriſt Jeſus. But thou, O Lord, forſake not me, that I forſake not thee.

I am in love with that Love which our Lord ſet us ſuch an Example of, and made the diſtinguiſhing Character of his Diſciples. My Charity, I think, is large and extenſive, according p. 70to his Will; but eſpecially I have lov'd and do love all good Men as ſuch prevailingly; They are to me the Excellent of the earth, in whom, (as to Men) is all my delight. The Divine Image affects and draws me where-ever I find it, notwithſtanding differences in little Things: And my Love is real and fruitful according to my Ability: My Heart and Hands are open as Objects and Occaſions offer.

I have been and am very careful to wrong none, having long ſince righted thoſe I did.

I have ſoon forgiven when provok'd; yea ſeldom, very ſeldom retain'd any Grudge againſt any: I have return'd Good for Evil, where I deſerv'd well, and yet ſuffered much ill; and where I have deliberately refus'd to comply with any, it was becauſe I thought it my Duty for their good: I have been watchful, Self ſhould not prevail under ſhadow of being concern'd for God. I have no Enemies whom I do not heartily pray for, and am not ready to do good to. Praiſed be God, theſe Duties of Loving, Giving, p. 71and forgiving, were not and are not difficult.

I have been affected, and deſire to be more with the Condition of the Church of God, the Sufferings of ſo great a part thereof, and eſpecially the Sins that deſerv'd them. My Prayers have been and are, That God would Refine and not Deſtroy; That he would diffuſe that Wiſdom from above, which is pure and peaceable; That he would revive the power of Godlineſs, humbling the Guilty of our Diviſions, and uniting in Chriſtian, Catholick Love.

I have conſcientiouſly conſidered my Duty to the Magiſtrate, and accordingly have been careful to obey all his Laws, unleſs contrary to the Laws of God: And I thought it became me to underſtand his Will not in the worſt, but in the beſt ſenſe his Words would bear; remembring that an erring Conſcience will not clear me if I diſobey any lawful Command.

I have been little inquiſitive about the Magiſtrate's Duty, but careful to know my own: My enquiry was not, p. 72Whether he did well to Command, but, whether I might lawfully Obey? Though he impoſe unneceſſary Burdens beyond his Authority, (which is for Publick Good;) yet Compliance may be my Duty from Humility, Love to Peace, and that I may not offend, but reſpect God's Vicegerent.

I have conſider'd the Veneration due to thoſe in Authority by reaſon thereof, however they be otherwiſe defective; and the Subjection that muſt be ever continued, though the Laws of God forbid Obedience, and accordingly reſolved never to partake in Rebellion, though for the beſt Religion, and moſt valuable Liberties; but to be ſtill ſubject not only for Wrath, but, for Conſcience-ſake.

I have often frequented the Publick Authoriz'd Aſſemblies, and joyn'd in the eſtabliſh'd way. of Worſhip, not to avoid Civil or Eccleſiaſtical Cenſures, not for any worldly Intereſt; but from ſenſe of Duty, and a juſt perſwaſion, after many Thoughts and Prayers, in which I am ſtill more confirm'd, that I was more oblig'd to do ſo by the Laws of God, and abundantly p. 73warranted by the Example of our Saviour and his Apoſtles. I have been ſtill more confident, as I conſider'd the State and Practice of the Primitive and other Churches, and look'd, I think, impartially into what is oppos'd by Dividers.

Praiſed be God, I am ſtill well ſatiſfied that I am not involv'd into ſo much as any conſent to Sin. I reflect with comfort on my moderation about ſmall or doubtful matters, and on my warmth againſt the Antichriſtian Spirit of Ʋncharitableneſs, Hatred, Rage, and Malice.

I admire God's Infinite goodneſs in the way of Salvation, and am greatly troubled that I am no more affected with the amazing Mercy and Benignity of my Heavenly Father, with the ſtupendious Charity, Condeſcenſion, and Sufferings of the Son, and with the wonderful Patience, Long-ſuffering, and Kindnoſs of the Holy Spirit. I deſire and long to know and love, admire and praiſe, ſpoak and act more and more to the utmoſt of my power, for the Glory of the Incomprehenſible Trinity, which hath ſo condeſcended to Save p. 74ſuch an abominable wretched Creature.

I find it moſt difficult to get and keep an Heavenly Frame without Diſtraction: I am oft diſcompos'd by worldly Concerns, vex'd by the Sins and Weakneſſes of others; and too eaſily diverted from my Studies, Meditations, and Prayers, by vain, impertinent, unſuitable, and unſeaſonable Thoughts: I labour and groan under them as my great Burden and Sin, and ſtrive alas too ineffectually againſt them. What would I give, yea, what would I not give, do, or ſuffer, that my Soul were fix'd on God; that I could ſerve him without Diſtraction? That my Studies, Meditations, and Converſe with God in his Word, Prayer, and Praiſe, were more free from wandring, more affectionate, ſpiritual and heavenly? Yet I'm ſure I long and deſire to labour more effectually that God may ſill and poſſeſs my Soul; that his holy enjoying Service, (the perfect Happineſs of Heaven) may be more and more begun on Earth. I value and breath after the Divine Image as the greateſt p. 75good, eſteeming, and deſiring to be rid of Sin as the greateſt Evil; and Heaven is therefore moſt amiable, becauſe there I hope to be wholly freed from Sin, and to ſerve and enjoy my God and Saviour in ſinleſs Holineſs.

O Lord help me to do as I profeſs, promiſe, and bind my ſelf; That my Converſation may be more in Heaven: That thy Will may be more done by me on Earth, as 'tis in Heaven! That I may more comfortably hope and long to be in Heaven! And, O remember thy Churches and Children, and the whole World; Let my concern for them all be more according to thy Will, more pure and intenſe for thy Glory. Amen, for our Lord Jeſus ſake.

My worldly Circumſtances are not without Difficulties and Temptations; conſiderable Loſſes I have had, yet continued giving largely to the Poor: My Children dying, I did not think it my Duty to encreaſe my Eſtate. I have now Two likely to live, and may have more; ſo that my Charge riſes, when what ſhould maintain it falls. I reſolve to caſt my Care on p. 76God in well-doing, to exerciſe my ſelf more than ever, to keep a Conſcience void of offence, impartially to ſtudy and do my Duty, and pray continually.

Brenchley, Octob. 23. 1685.

My Practice hath in ſome meaſure anſwer'd my renewed Reſolutions; I have employed my time better, pray'd harder, and endeavoured when call'd abroad to do ſome good, by good Diſcourſe, when I thought it ſeaſonable, and by making peace. God hath comforted me in the kindneſs of Friends; His Spirit, I hope, is with me: May I more abundantly find it, as I am call'd to do or ſuffer, for my Jeſus's ſake!

Brenchley, Feb. 25. 168….

I hope I continue in God's Service, though alas with many Failings till I was haſted to London and Hackney, the 5th. where I had an happy iſſue of an Affair, which evidently threatned much trouble and loſs: I could not but give ſomewhat conſiderable to ſome that were indeed great Loſers. p. 77My God, I truſt, will remember me for good, and capacitate me to give more.

Thurſday, the 18th. Mr. Samuel Barton, Fellow of Corp. Chriſti Colledge in Oxford, married my Siſter Sarah; O may they be faithful to God and one another, according to their Duty: May he find a comfortable Opportunity for Publick Service, of which alas I ſtill continue uncapable. I have been lately urg'd, and again conſider'd my Scruples (as to the terms of Conformity) but cannot yet ſee my way: If I labour under involuntary miſtakes, God will (I hope) pardon and remove them.

Brenchley, May 1. 1686.

April 26. Our younger Child Thomas died at the end of a Convulſion-Fit, about an Hour long, &c. May we more practically believe we muſt alſo die, and not ceaſe preparing for it, till we come to deſire it, and live in the conſtant joyful expectation of Eternity: We are many ways ſhamefully faulty that we do not: Pardon p. 78and help us for thy Mercies ſake. Amen.

Brenchley, May 29. 1686.

On the 23d. I ſolemnly remembred my Saviour's Paſſion, and renewed my Covenant with God thorow him; My Prayors and Vows were principally for encreaſe of Holineſs in Heart and life. God graciouſly made uſe of a mean Affliction, (as others count it) to quicken both the Day following; ſo that the paſt Week my Watch hath been more conſtant, my Recollections more frequent, at leaſt every Evening: And I ſind to my comfort my Converſe both with God and Man, hath been in ſome good meaſure, (if I miſtake not) according to the Goſpel. I have had many Refiections on God's manifold Goodneſs, many Abhorrings of my own ſinful Vileneſs: I deſire my Actions, and (as God pleaſeth) my Sufferings may be anſwerable, that I may glorifie him more on Earth, and help others to do ſo; and become very ready and willing to ſerve him better in Heaven. Amen for my Saviour's ſake. p. 79I praiſe God, I have liv'd this Week alſo as the former; My Soul hath been daily firſt and laſt with God: My Thoughts have very frequently return'd unto him, and my Time hath been improv'd with ſome diligence for his Glory. My Converſe with others & in my own family, hath in ſome meaſure expreſt the ſenſe of thoſe great Things that ought always above all to be minded. My Prayers and Reſolves have been and are for conſtancy and progreſs. Amen, for my Lord Jeſus ſake.

June 12.

I hope I am ſtill getting nearer Heaven; I have continued my Converſe with God, and endeavoured to quicken others with my ſelf to his bleſſed Service. Afflictions are much abated, but not my Fervor. O may Love be an abiding Principle thereof, acting me with Vigour and Conſtancy for the Glory of God, and the good of all with whom I have to do. Amen, for my Lord Jeſus's ſake.

June 19. 1686.

p. 80Praiſed be God, I have endeavoured another Week to ſpeak, and think, and act for him: His Mercies further engage me daily.

Jyly 3.

I have thought oft daily of God and Heaven, and oft pray'd that I might pleaſe him better, and be more ſit to be with him there: But I have not been ſo ſerious and warm, and earneſtly deſirous of getting and doing good as I was before, and yet I was laſt Lord's-day at the Sacrament: I hope God knows that I deſire nothing in compariſon with Holineſs, that I may be at a greater diſtance from the Deſilements of Sin, and have deeper and more abiding Impreſſions of his purifying Light and Love, and be more conſtant and ſucceſsful in communicating thereof to others. I proceeded not ſo ſucceſsfully in my Studies as I would, and I think ſometimes have. I hope to pray and ſtrive that I may be and do better. Impertinent Diſcourſes, (the too common bane of Converſe) have been my trouble. May I be able to oppoſe p. 81them with Chriſtian Prudence, and to perfume every Place and Company with ſomewhat truly good; for his ſake, who purchas'd and pleads for Grace to help in time of need.

July 10.

An indiſpoſed Body and ſeveral incumbring Diverſions have hindred me from ſerving God as I would; yet I hope my main deſign has not been wholly neglected.

I was faithful to two Perſons in dealing plainly with them about ſome matters that had occaſion'd ſeveral to ſpeak evil of'em. But I was ſo with abundance of tenderneſs, and therefere cannot but think one of them blame-worthy for the bad return he made. My Conſcience bears me witneſs, I did what I did meerly from ſenſe of Duty, having great reluctances; which only fear of God, and the love he commands to my Fellow-ſervants, overcame.

July 17.

p. 82I endeavoured to ſerve my good God, of whoſe kindneſs I have ſtill more experience; but alas I have wanted that warmth and pleaſure I have ſometimes had: I long and deſire to labour for it more than ever.

July 31.

I want the Aids of the Holy Spirit, becauſe I doubt I do not ſeek and labour for and with them as I ought: I walk heavily, yet I hope in the right way. O for more Grace, or rather for better improvement of what I have, that I may have more; for Jeſus's ſake!

Aug. 7. & 14.

To the like purpoſe.

My Watch has not been ſo conſtant, nor my Converſe ſo uſeful as it ſhould; Leſs proſitable Diſcourſes and books have taken up too much time: I am not prepared as I would for the Lord's-Day approaching. I need and beg pardon, that I delight no more in the more ſpiritual heaqvenly Duties and Studies, and am as deſirous, p. 83(O may I be as laborious) to do better; for, &c.

Brenchley, Aug. 31.

I have not been what I would, yet I hope I am in the way to be what I wiſh, in Heaven. O may I be much better on Earth! To Morrow I deſign to take a Journey with my Brother, &c. O may I be able to reflect with comfort at my return on what I was and did.

Sept. 21.

God's Goodneſs accompanied me in my Journey, ſhin'd in Relations Lovelineſs, and Love, preſerv'd my Family, and has brought us together in ſafety. May all be crown'd with encreaſe of Holineſs and fruitful Gratitude, &c.

Octob. 16.

Four Fits of a Tertian Ague had much weaken'd and iudiſpoſed me; God then took it off, and I ſeem recovering my former State of Health: I thought of Death with little or no fear, and hope I ſhould have been p. 84happy if I had died, though now my Reflections are not ſo comfortable. I have ſometimes thought I was beyond what I wrote: but now I am down again. Bodily indiſpoſition dulls me; But why is not my Soul more vigorous? Had I comply'd with the Holy Spirit, and convers'd with God as I ought, I might have had more of his comforting, ſtrengthning Influences and helps. I deſire to qualiſie my ſelf for them by a far better improvement of all Aids vouchſaf'd. Help, heavenly Father, for thy Son's ſake, Amen.

Nov. 8.

Our Seventh Son was Baptiz'd and Nam'd Edmund; May we and ours be ſtill more our God's, agnizing his Supream Right, and living more in the lively ſenſe and active acknowledgments thereof. Amen; for, &c.

Decemb. 11.

My God has continued to engage me by his kindneſs to my whole Self and ours, and to our Relations who are ſo pleaſant and uſeful to us. I p. 85have proceeded in my courſe of Duty, but alas too heavily without ſuch Diligence, Life, and Chearfulneſs, as become ſo excellent a Service. I deſire to be what I wiſh, and to endeavour with all my might: When ſhall I write that I am and do ſo? Lord, help me to help my ſelf! and ſuffer me not to forfeit the Aids thou vouchſafeſt. May I improve 'cm all with greater watchfulneſs, alacrity, and ſucceſs! And may I do my utmoſt for all that I am concern'd to help; for, &c.

Decem. 31.

The 25th I remembred my Saviour, and renew'd my Covenant at the Holy Table, and before and after have taken ſome pains in his Service, ſincerely (I hope) deſiring and endeavouring to pleaſe him my ſelf, and to help others to joyn with, yea, exceed me. May I ſtill do better, and in the revolutions of Time, think more of, and prepare better for Eternity. Amen; for, &c.

Brenchley, Jan. 29. 1687.

p. 86I hope I have been crawling upwards, though ſomewhat unevenly, and attempted to do good as I had occaſions to converſe with Men, and prepar'd my ſelf, (at leaſt ſometimes, for Viſits, that they might be uſeful, and not, as alas, too often loſt in Impertinences. Many come and partake of what I cuſtomarily do in my Family on the Lord's Days, after publick Service. I may not exclude 'em, though uninvited. I hope, and pray, and endeavour, that God may honour me to do their Souls ſome laſting good. I am ſenſible of God's goodneſs as to my private Concerns and publick Circumſtances, and deſire Heart and Life may be anſwerable; for my Saviour's ſake. Amen.

I have been alſo diſturb'd with the Extreams of ſome cenſorious Dividers; I have no Enmity againſt the Men, but can by no means approve their ways, nor concur as I am deſir'd with 'em.

Apr. 25. 1687.

I have been doing my Duty, to the wearying and waſting of my fleſh, I p. 87have been twice feaſted by my Lord at his Table, I hope not without ſome advantage.

May 16.

The different Opinions, and eſpecially the very indecent heats of good Men, to which the preſent liberty gave vent, were no ſmall diſturbance to me. And,

July 2.

I deſire to lay to heart the Condition of the Church of God; the woful neglects of Chriſtian Love in all Parties, and the ſtrange furious Heats that prey on the vital fervour of Religion, provoke God, and threaten deſtruction. Pity and help, O Lord; for vain is the help of man.

July 20.

[Speaking of a very deep and cutting Affliction that had often return'd.] I am far from entertaining hard thoughts of God; I heartily ſubmit to his Soveraign Pleaſure: I acknowledge his Juſtice might be far ſeverer; and I am ſenſible of abundance of Mercy, p. 88and that I want Thankfulneſs, which I often beg of him. I'm ſtill more conſirm'd in the ways of Love that I have choſen, and abhor Love-killing Principles and Practices in all Parties.

Octob. 6.

Ending the 44th Year of my earthly Pilgrimage, I review'd what I wrote, Octob. 7. 1685. and found my Apprehenſions of my own Condition much the ſame. I have continued taking pains in my Studies for the Service of Souls, to the wearying if not waſting of the Fleſh; yet my Spirit hath not attain'd the frame I wiſh: impertinent Thoughts, wandring Imaginations, inordinate Affections, are my great and culpable Troubles. When ſhall I ſind and be able to write better! God grant that I may, whatever I ſuffer for't.

Decemb. 31.

I have been much perplexed between repeated Meſſages from Hackney, and others as unexpected from Aſhford; and ſuch Conſiderations as Reaſon and Religion ſuggeſt about p. 89our deſigned remove; I was very faulty in ſuffering 'em to hinder in ſuch a meaſure my Converſe with God, and my Comfort, Peace, and Joy therein; that a Sacramental Communion 25th, afforded ſo little ſweetneſs and benefit, that I receiv'd no more from the infinite Fountain, aſcended no higher towards him, and had not much larger Communications from him. O Lord, forgive and help, that my better Obedience and farther participation of a Godlike nature, may praiſe thine infinite Benignity, and ſill my Mouth and Heart with a warmer ſenſe of all thy Favours, and with more ſuitable Expreſſions: Eſpecially I pray that my Thoughts may be contented, and Labours faſtned to preſent Duty; that without needleſs projecting for the future, I may do what appears neceſſary now. Let the Year that's now to begin, be better improved than any paſt: Let me live as apprehending I may die before it ends; that if I ſhould ſurvive it, I may reflect how I ſill'd it with God's fruitful Service, and rejoyce in hope, that at length Time will be p. 90ended, and therewith the too too many failings of my Duty and Comfort. Amen; for my dear Saviour's ſake.

Troubles without, and eſpecially Failings within, have much indiſpos'd me for Duty and the Sweets thereof: yet when lately ill, I had no great fears, but could think with calmneſs of a future ſtate, and hope I ſhall prepare better for it, and for my Afflictions that may befall me in my paſſage.

March 31. 1688.

I hope I have not departed from God, though I fear I have got but little nearer to him: I have perſevered with ſome painfulneſs in my Studies, and endeavour'd to embrace Opportunities of doing good according to the Abilities I have acquir'd, and as ſeem'd conſiſtent with that regard that ſhould always be had to the great Things of Chriſtianity, and the furthering thereof in the ways of Love and Peace. Such has been my Aim in my frequent Thoughts and Attempts to leave this place.

Apr. 28.

p. 91I have continu'd ſtudying, praying, inſtructing my Family and others, but with many diſtractions, not only from our unſettled Condition, but likewiſe from other Accidents and Circumſtances which occaſion trouble, and threaten loſs: I lament that I am ſo much affected by 'em, and that the greater concerns of Eternity, (the ſenſe whereof ſhould have been more awaken'd and ſtrengthned by the ſolemn remembrance of my Lord and Saviour at his Holy Table, the 15th and 22d.) do not more effectually divert my Thoughts and raiſe my Mind. Lord, pity, pardon, and help: Direct yet where I may ſerve thee better, and do more good than ever. Make me eſpecially uſeful to my Children as they grow capable of learning and loving their Duty, that I may have more of the pleaſure that I moſt deſire, ſee more of thy reſtored Image in others, and feel it in my ſelf. And O remember thy Churches, particularly in theſe Nations; Guide and proſper in the ways of Holineſs and Peace, that walking in the fear of the Lord, and in the comfort of the Holy p. 92Ghoſt, they may be edified and multiplied. Amen; for, &c.

I have been afflicted, but I have been alſo ſuſtain'd, and I hope rais'd to a more abiding warmth and watchfulneſs in God's bleſſed Service. Hitherto he hath helped me in all troubles; I will ſtill truſt him, and endeavour my Carriage may prove that my Truſt is not preſumption. I have been affected with others Sufferings and our common danger. May my Prayers and Labours be ſtill more vigorous, and my Praiſes alſo for all his Goodneſs.

July 2.

I have endeavour'd to diſcern the mind of God in thoſe Afflictions wherewith he has pleas'd to follow me; I have ſearch'd my Heart and review'd my Actions. I ſtill ſee cauſe to wiſh that I had more readily embrac'd all Opportunities of doing good, and more effectually improv'd them. My Faults towards God have been Defects in Affection and Devotion, in Reſignation and Dependence, &c. for which Yeſterday I begg'd p. 93pardon, when I commemorated his Death, who purchas'd pardon for the Penitent; and I as earneſtly petitioned for thoſe more powerful Aſſiſtances, that may more effectually determine me to all my Duty, and enable me to delight in it.

To Morrow I may ſee my Mother, Brother, &c. O may our Converſe be ſtill more holy and uſeful, that we may have ſtronger hopes of meeting in Glory. Amen; for, &c.

July 25.

Yeſterday I return'd from Hackney, having had a pleaſant Converſe with my Mother, Brother, and other dear Relations and Friends, and our pleaſure was not, I hope, without ſome profit, though not ſo much as I hop'd. Growing Wickedneſs and approaching Sufferings we could too eaſily diſcern, and were in ſome meaſure affected with. We deſire, and O may we ſtrive more effectually to know and do our Duty how difficult ſoever; and Lord, pity, pardon, help and encreaſe thy People, and prepare us for p. 94thy bleſſed Will in all things; for our Lord Jeſus's ſake. Amen.

Aug. 6.

The 3d. my Mother came to us, and we may be longer together than we are like to be again on Earth. May our Diſcourſes ſpeak our ſenſe hereof, and further our preparation for that bleſſed ſtate, where parting of Friends will be no trouble.

Sept. 26.

I Yeſterday aſſiſted at the Faſt in Horſmonden, and being indiſpos'd in Body, and having too many Diſtractions in my Mind, I fear leſt I ſpake unadviſedly in Prayer; and yet my Head is ſo diſturb'd, that I cannot recollect in what words I expreſt my ſelf. I have begg'd pardon of God, and the prevention or removal of offence, if any were taken, and reſolv'd as Opportunities offer'd to be better prepar'd, as God ſhall enable by Prayer and Meditation. I am even forc'd to remove to Cranbroke, from which yet I cannot but be averſe, particularly for fear of diſcord with —. p. 95Lord, direct us not to neglect Holineſs for Peace, nor yet to violate Peace through miſtakes about Holineſs. Amen; for, &c.

Octob. 11. 1688.

Laſt Week we remov'd from Brenchley to Cranbroke: Praiſed be God I came away deſir'd at both Places. I had the bleſſing of the Poor I left, and the thanks of the publick Miniſter, for furthering his Work, and promoting Union among his People. Lord, make me more uſeful here, direct in Difficulties, ſupport under Afflictions, and enable in all to honour thy Majeſty, and effectually to promote the Salvation of others with my own. Amen; for, &c.

Nov. 29.

[He largely relates what paſt between him and Mr. B. the Miniſter at Cranbroke, to whom he offer'd to Preach once a Day gratis, and read Common-Prayer in the Afternoon: (So deſirous was he of any Opportunity of Service in the publick Churches.) But the Offer being refus'd, on reaſons there mention'd, be p. 96adds;] I then told him, I muſt Preach once a Day at home, that I might not be uſeleſs, and that I might do good to ſome who would not hear him or Mr. W.

[On the other hand he refus'd to countenance a N. C. Miniſter there, as on other accounts; ſo principally for his binding his People againſt all Communion with the eſt abliſh'd Pariſh-Churches.]

About this time as he was paſſing the Yard, to take Horſe at a Neighbour's Houſe, whom he had been to viſit, his Foot ſlipt, and occaſioned a ſlight ſcratch on the Skin of his Leg: He was not at firſt apprehenſive of any danger, and though he rode home, which was ſeven Miles, immediately upon it, and walked the next Day at leaſt four more, his Leg did not at all complain: But ſoon after taking cold, and his Body being always infirm, this ſlight hurt was irritated and inflam'd to that degree, that he was forc'd to call in the help of able Chirurgeons. But, alas, it defeated all their Skill, for it mortified ſo often, and affected ſo many other parts, that what with the pain it brought, and the troubleſom and grievous Inciſions and Operations it obliged p. 97him to, after it had firſt proſtrated his ſtrength, and emaciated his Body; at length it extinguiſh'd that life, from which we might have hoped for ſo many great and good things, if it had pleaſed God to continue it. His patience and ſubmiſſion was all the while moſt admirable and exemplary.

Being almoſt worn out with the Miſeries which the frequent Operations of the Chirurgeons put him to: ☜He wrote theſe as the laſt words in his Diary, with a very weak and tr…m…ing hand, as the Writing and Letters too evidently ſhew.

Cranbroke, Feb. 19. 1689.

I have been above two Months under the Chirurgeon's hands for a ſore Leg and Thigh. Pains have been ſometimes very great; Relapſes from Feavers, &c. ſeveral; Apprehenſions of Death frequent: I have not, I think, been impatient; I have been without anxious Thoughts of Eternity; and willing, if God pleas'd, to leave my Body, but …ixedly deſirous not to continue in it, unleſs I be and do the better for this Affliction. Twice as p. 98my ill Circumſtances permitted, … view'd the Account of my ſelf, Oct. 7. 1685. and ſtill hope it is not falſe.

Of all Men, I could think only of Mr. —, betwixt whom and my ſelf there was any unkindneſs, but I think none ſinful on my part. I was advis'd againſt meddling with him on that Subject, becauſe I could not ſee it was my Duty, and it might do more harm than good.

Lord, pity me in my weariſom Condition, help me according to thy great Goodneſs; Refine me for thy better Service on Earth, or perfect in Heaven.

Of his Carriage under his tedious and languiſhing Pains, the following Character gives a brief Account: to which I ſhall only add, That his Patience, (s… Grace that Heaven gives us no occaſion to exerciſe,) having had its perfect work on Earth, eſpecially under an Affliction of ſo long continuance: He was (happily as to himſelf) diſmiſs'd from his Labours and Sorrows, and entred into his everlaſting Reſt, March 30. 1688/9.

p. 99To this Account of his Life given from his own Breviate; it may not be amiſs to annex the Character given of him by Mr. Ch—that Preach'd his Funeral Sermon.

I know the uſual Flattery of Funeral Orations, and the ill uſe that is ſometimes made of them, when the Perſon is of no extraordinary worth to deſerve them. But very excellent Perſons, whoſe Lives have been very bright and exemplary, ſhould not fall without being taken notice of. And as 'tis a piece of Juſtice to the Dead, ſo of uſeful Charity to the Living to commemorate their Remarkable Vertues and Graces, that Survivers may be perſwaded and encourag'd to Go and Do likewiſe. And ſuch was this great Man. I am indeed on many accounts unſit to give a juſt Character of him: As by reaſon of mine own green Years; ſo alſo becauſe I had not the happineſs to be acquainted with him till the laſt ſeven Years of his life. But I ſhall ſay nothing of him, but either on my own Obſervation, or from that ſhort Breviate of his p. 102duplicate page p. 103duplicate page p. 98duplicate page p. 99duplicate page p. 100Life, Penn'd by himſelf for his own uſe.

[And here after ſome Account of him from the Breviate, which 'tis needleſs to repeat, becauſe the Reader will meet with it more fully there: he proceeds.]

He had before inclin'd to the ſtudy of Phyſick, and gain'd ſo much Skill as made him very uſeful to his poor Neighbours when ſick. But as one of the Fathers ſaid concerning Tully, He could not find the Name of Jeſus there: And therefore laid thoſe Books aſide, and apply'd himſelf to that more ſweet and ſublime ſtudy of Divinity. Herein in a few Years he exceeded and out-ſtript moſt of his Age: God had given him a large Soul, in a weak and crazy Body. He was Maſter of a quick diſcerning ſolid Judgment joyn'd with an active Fancy, which rarely meet together. He was indeed a living Library and walking Study, and carried about a vaſt Stock of Learning with him. And God had given him large meaſures of Grace to improve his great Abilities for the good of Souls.

With what warmth and Affection, p. 101with what appoſite Expreſſions, and (I had almoſt ſaid) unimitable Fluency of Sacred Oratory would he pour out his Prayers before God! with what tenderneſs and compaſſion did he invite and urge Sinners to Repentance! How clearly would he explain the deepeſt Myſteries of Chriſtianity, and what weighty Arguments did he uſe to perſwade to a belief and obſervance of its holy Doctrines and Rules! His daily Family-Expoſition of the Scriptures, which for many Years he us'd Morning and Evening; I have often thought equal for Accuracy and Inſtructiveneſs, to moſt Commentators. He took all Opportunities that his own Weakneſs and Family-diſtractions, or publick Confuſions would allow for his publick Labours: And he never omitted Preaching from Houſe to Houſe by private Viſits and Chriſtian Conferences. His Maſter's Work was conſtantly upon his Heart, and he readily embrac'd all Opportunities for it. The Sick and Poor were ſure of his Company, and he familiarly condeſcended to the meaneſt Capacities for their p. 102good. He was as willing to inſtruct poor Cottagers in the way to the Kingdom, as thoſe of an higher rank and degree. He perfum'd every place where he came with his ſavoury Speeches and heavenly Diſcourſe: His Words dropt as the Dew, and diſtill'd as the Rain; And his Heart was ſtill'd with ſuch a ſenſe of Divine Love, that the holy Breathings of it flow'd forth among all with whom he converſt.

Thus he was in his Miniſterial Capacity. And his Life and Actions were anſwerable to his Doctrine and Diſcourſes.

I need not ſay how pleaſant a Relative he was, how dutiful as a Son, how indulgent as a Husband, how prudent and affectionate as a Father. Nor need any Man tell me how pleaſant and faithful he was in his Friendſhip. He had all the ingenuity and endearing Obligingneſs that belongs to ſuch a Relation. He had in himſelf thoſe four Characters in eminent degrees, which he was often wont to ſay he wiſh'd for in a real Friend; Piety, good Nature, Fidelity in Admonitions, p. 103and Reproofs, and a Readineſs to Communicate Notions and Experiences, for the encreaſing holy Light and Heat.

I muſt paſs over many Things worthy to be remembred, and ſhall only mention ſome particular Vertues and Graces, which were the peculiar Ornaments of his Life.

He give remarkable Inſtances of his Piety and Devotedneſs to God, by his conſtancy and frequency in Devotion. He took all occaſions for Prayer by himſelf and with others, was habitually prepar'd for this ſweet and proſitable Exerciſe of Religion. Few ever comply'd more with the Scriptural Command of Praying always, and without ceaſing: This holy Incenſe was always prepar'd for the Altar, though the ſweet perfume was not always aſcending to Heaven. He obſerv'd the Lord's Day with a religious ſtrictneſs, keeping it as a holy Reſt to God in the publick and private Exerciſes of Worſhip, with as little diverſion as poſſible.

He diligently inſtructed his Inferiours, by Catechizing and ſerious Exhortations. He expreſt a warm Zeal p. 104againſt Sin where-ever he found it; and his prudent, calm, and ſeaſonable Reproofs were greatly enforc'd by the blameleſsneſs of his own Example. In ſuch Inſtances his Piety ſhone in a bright attractive Light.

His Meekneſs and Moderation towards thoſe that differ'd from him, deſerves next to be remembred. Tho' none was more fervently zealous about the great Subſtantials of Religion; yet none were more cool and temperate about thoſe circumſtantial Differences that have occaſion'd ſuch unhappy Breaches among us. He abhor'd all conſorious Heats, and I never knew him more heartily angry againſt any, than againſt the Broachers of narrow love-killing Principles, of what Party or Perſwaſion ſoever. He was zeaſous for Peace and Love, as well as good Works; of a truly healing and catholick Spirit. He was himſelf diſſatisfied with ſome Terms of Miniſterial Conformity: But yet he encourag'd faithful Parochial Miniſters with his ordinary Preſence and Communion, and never cenſured thoſe that were ſatisfied in what he ſcrupled, p. 105but kept up an entire Friendſhip with many of very eminent note to the very laſt. Nunquam de dogmatibus Chriſtus diſſeruit, ſed ſaepe, & ubique, imo ſemper de vivendi ſinceritate; was a Sentence often in his Mouth and upon his Heart, written in the firſt Leaf of his Breviate, and (as I remember) of his common Preaching Bible. If Men fear'd God and wrought Righteouſneſs, he lov'd them heartily, however different in Judgment about Matters leſs neceſſary and important.

His Humility was alſo very remarkable; He was cloath'd with it as with a Livery and honourable Badge to diſcover his Relation to his humble condeſcending Saviour, as I remember he us'd to interpret that place, 1 Pet. 5.5. Though he was juſtly eſteem'd by thoſe that knew him as an Oracle of Learning that had not many Superiours; yet had he low undervaluing, (not to ſay injurious) Thoughts of himſelf. 'Twas this indeed that has prov'd an unhappineſs to the Church of God, his Humility having ſtified many excellent Diſcourſes that might have been of publick uſe, and made p. 106him too willing to conſine his Life and Labours to an obſcure Corner.

His Charity was very ſingular and exemplary: He devoted the 10th, and for many Years the 7th part of his Eſtate to Charitable Uſes; Neither did he ſtint himſelf to, but often exceeded even theſe large proportions. He was peculiarly prudent in manageing his Alms to the beſt advantage; endeavour'd at the ſame time to ſave the Bodies and Souls of Men too, by the ſame act to ſupply their temporal Wants, and promote their ſpiritual Welfare. How often have I known him viſit the Poor, examine their Proviſions, and deal out his Bounty with a free and liberal Hand. And ſtill he mingſed good Counſel with all his Alms, and affectionately perſwaded to ſerious Piety, which had often a very commanding abiding Influence. He ſpent much pains and coſt in inſtructing poor Children in the Principles of Religion, in giving Bibles and other good Books, exacting a diligent peruſal, and frequently calling them to an account of their Proficiency. He had many other ſecret p. 107ways of Charity, (as largely appears by his private Accounts,) for which he courted not the Applauſe of Men, but is now rewarded by his heavenly Father.

I ſhall only farther mention his Patience and entire Reſignation to the Will of God. For ſome Years before his Death, God viſited him with very ſore Afflictions of different natures: But he bore them all with a great ſenſe of his Fathers hand, and did not charge his Providence fooliſhly. His laſt Sickneſs was occaſion'd by a fall, which caus'd a ſmall Wound, (or rather Scratch) in his Leg, neglected by himſelf at firſt, but meeting with an inſirm diſtemper'd Body, at laſt prov'd dangerous and deſtructive. But yet under all the exceſſive Tortures of his Pain, and frequent lancings of the Chirurgeons, he ſtill expreſt great Patience; adn when at any time the extremity of his pain forc'd him to cry out, he check'd himſelf, expreſſing his fears of diſhonouring God by impatience, and bleſt his heavenly Father that worſe was not inflicted. Nor did he by peeviſhneſs p. 108diſquiet thoſe about him, but was thankful to every one that did any neceſſary Offices for him, was pleas'd with every thing that was done, readily condeſcended to every Propoſal and Advice of the Phyſicians. He Preach'd in his Chair and in his Bed: affectionately exhorted all that attended on him, to the ſerious practice of Religion, and ſuited his Counſelfs to the particular Circumſtances, (as for as he knew them) of all that viſited him. He died with connortable hopes of Happineſs, and often told me from the very beginning of his Sickneſs, that he had no tormenting fears of Death: That though he could have wiſh'd he had been more watchful and uſeful, yet he hop'd he had been ſincere, and truſted that for Chriſt's ſake all his Sins were forgiven. That though he had not Raptures and Tranſports, yet he had a conſtant peaceful Calm which continued to the laſt moment of his Life. And for ſome Wecks before he died, he longed to be diſſolved, and earneſtly deſir'd, if God ſaw good, that he might be with Chriſt.

p. 109Thus liv'd, thus dy'd this eminent Saint: And now what remains, but that we take the Apoſtle's Counſel, as apply'd to this Occaſion, Phil. 4.9. Thoſe things which ye have both learn'd and receiv'd, and heard, and ſeen in him, do ye likewiſe; And as the God of Peace was with him, ſo he will be with you, in Life, in Death, and to Eternity.

FINIS.