A Second Guide to Heaven, Chapter 14
CHAP. XIV.
A more particular Conclusion.
BY the more general Conclusion, you may see that the deceit is Universal, an Epidemical Disease; that most see it in others, few in themselves; most censure and condemn others, few judge and condemn themselves, and so will be judg'd and condemn'd of the Lord; you see, that all without me is nothing to me, unless I am good myself, though God is never so good and gracious in himself, and to others, yet is he a dreadful destroying enemy to me; though Christ is a precious Saviour to others, yet a terrible judge and destroyer to me; though the Bible be full of Grace, Mercy, and Truth, there is not one comfortable Word to me; though my Father and Mother be kind and tender, my Wife loving, my Children sweet, pleasing, and obedient; yet all of them can't help to save me; though I have heard many good Sermons, read many good Books, been in much good company, yet all have done me no good, but I am more wicked and abominable in sinning against such Light; though I have pretended to put up many Prayers, made a large Profession, seem'd to others good and Godly, yet my Heart was not right with God, I did but dissemble, and I am utterly undone. As for outward endowments & accomplishments, my reason and understanding I did not employ about the best objects, to the highest ends; my Tongue I may bite in peices, and spit with indignation out of my Mouth, that hath spoken idly, vainly, and wickedly, so long, and little or nothing to Gods Glory, the good of others and mine own comfort; my strength and beauty, I have boasted of; my Clothes and outward Ornaments, I have been proud of, though others have despis'd me, when I thought they admir'd me, or rather my Apparel; and besides, was it never so rich and gaudy, 'twas forgotten in a year or two afterward; and now all is gone; and such a rich Feast, a twelve-month past yields not the least relish and savour in my thoughts now. Had I fed the poor, cloath'd the naked, out of true pity and tenderness to them, and love to God then had it been comfortable in the review. I have pleas'd my self still in what was to come, in prospect of future happiness, when young, in a Married condition; when Married, in my Children; when grown up, in their well-matching, and so in their Children. But I see this is still all somewhat without me, and besides my self. I have seen the most and best of the World, and what it can do for me; it's like, I may never eat, and drink, and sleep, with that pleasure I have, any more, my later days may be fill'd with sorrow, pains, and decays. Many of those that did laugh, and eat, and drink with me, have been rotting in the Grave some years, what is become of their Souls, I know not: God hath yet prolong'd my days to this moment, this may be my last call and warning; and within a day or two, a week, a month, a year, others may think and talk of me, as I do of others now; why may I not now cast off other matters, and sit down and consider, what I am, what I have done, whither I am going; how 'tis with me at present, and how it's like to be with me very shortly?
I may verily conclude, I am not to continue here as now I am; where is the Man or Woman that lives always? It's true, Men are immortal in their thoughts, that is, they rarely, or never come to a determinate time, to think I must now die; let a Man be old or weak, he thinks I shall live this day, and to morrow, and when that comes, he still accounts upon the next day, and friends still hope, till they gasp and breath out the last; nay, some pull and rub them when dead, and feign would bring to Life again, and when no hope, cry out in anguish, what, dead? what, dead? What, speak no more to me, see me no more? no, Hands off, Heart off, he is gone, past recovery, when God strikes, he strikes home, no rising after his blow.Deut. 32.39. See now, that I, even I am he, and there is no God with me; I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal, neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand. I lift up my hand to Heaven, and say, I live for ever; if I whet my glittering Sword, and mine hand take hold on judgement, Psal. 90.3. Thou turnest Man to Destruction: and sayest, Return, ye Children of Men. Some would have it, return to the dust, man, from whence thou camest; but others, spoken ironically, return again to thy House and Family, to thy Life and Health again, if thou can'st; try, whether thou can'st get out of my hands. Thou carriest them as with a Flood, as asleep; as Grass, flourish in morning, and wither at night; who knows thy power, according to our fear of thee it is, and much more? So teach us to number our days, that we may be truly wise, not that we can number any; but that they are not to be accounted upon at all; Psal. 39.4. Lord, make me to know my end, and the measure of my days, that is, how frail I am. It's very hard to live under a believing sense of it, that I shall die.
I may certainly conclude, that here is no abiding place for me, let me cleave to the World never so close and fast, I must knock off, my house will cast me out. How happy and Blessed may I be in ways of Righteousness? how comfortable, living and dying? what manner of person shall I be, if I come to Glory? in how little time may I be among Saints and Angels? and what manner of person should I now be, in all holy conversation and godliness? why may not I come to Heaven, as well as others?
How dreadfully miserable shall I be, if I perish, and am undone at last; am I not on the brink of Heaven or Hell? Death is the clap-door, once my Soul is gone out of my Body; there is no change, nor alteration, no recovery, any more: And shall I thus go on from day to day, and never bring it to an head, to some result, whether I am like to be sav'd, or perish Eternally? I have been convinc'd often, awaken'd and startl'd; I have had frightful thoughts in my Dreams, fear'd I have been falling down a deep precipice, or some ghastly enemies were laying hold of me, and no friend nigh, and I strive to call and cry, and could not cry out; I have often been terrified at an awak'ning Sermon, but all did wear off again; I have been sometimes sick, and near death, and have promis'd, if God would spare me, I would certainly lead another course of Life, refrain such and such sins, yea, all sin, and perform such duties daily and fervently. But my wicked Heart hath deceiv'd and undone me, and I fear will be too hard for me to my dying day. My condition is dangerous, if not desperate. Well, I may admire Gods goodness that I am yet alive, that yet I can speak, and hear, and see, that God hath not long since put out these eyes that have seen so much vanity, and so seldom seen him in his word and works; that he hath not strook me dumb, that have us'd my Tongue so little to his praise and glory; that he hath not strook me dead long since, that have liv'd so unprofitably, nay, so provokingly. Yet I am alive, once more I have this call and warning, who knows, but God hath thoughts of mercy to my Soul? if he would have destroy'd me, he might have done it long ago; why should I not lye groveling in the dust,Jon. 3.8, 9 be cover'd with sackcloth and ashes, fall down in tears and anguish, cry mightily unto God, turn from my wickedness? who can tell, but God may turn from his fierce anger, and I perish not? Why may not this time be a time of love? but then I must do it presently; if I put it off till to morrow, I shall then till another day; I have been caught too often in that snare already; why should I not shut my self up from all company and diversions, refuse to be comforted or call'd off? I know, as soon as I go to private Prayer in my Closet, though there be no body knocks at door, the World and other matters knock at my Heart, and call me off presently; I could never abide quietly at it, till I brought it to some good pass.
Well, I am resolv'd to hold my self to it, my Body at least I can shut up, and shut in; my Heart will run away, I will call in Gods assistence, who alone can command this unruly wandring Heart; as it is said, who can know it? I the Lord search it: So, who can rule and mend it? none but God. I never yet could promise of my self to stick to it one hour or two, much less one day; and this is the main business of my Life. I am now resolv'd, nothing shall hinder me; I have spent days and hours enough about the World and vanity, the time past may suffice, and is too much, that I have walked after the course of this Word. I will now give up my self to this great and solemn work I know, I shall have excuses and delays, now is not a fit time, I can't be private, or I have other matters, such expect ye; the Devil, the World, and your Hearts, will find you out somewhat. No, i'le hearken to them no more; no, this is the time, I will take another time for that: Ay, but then let half an hour serve; no, I will have half the day, all the day, and all the night, and to morrow too; if I can't finish it, I will now bring it to some good issue, if possible. This will be too grievous and troublesome to flesh and blood, to thy Body and thy Friends; I have been kind enough, too kind to them already; what can't they be satisfied, unless I destroy Body and Soul for them, to please and serve them? why should this seem so much and grievous? I can fast a whole day for the Health of my Body, and take griping and bitter Physick; and do I not need Vomits for my foul Stomach, and sharp Physick for my Soul? I can attend my Husband or Child, if sick, and dying, and not eat day after day, nor sleep in the night, watch and cry, watch and strive, and think no pains too much; and shall I not now cry, and watch; weep and pray for my poor Soul, my precious and immortal Soul? I can't save my Husband or Child from Death, but my Soul may be sav'd from Everlasting Death. I can deny my self food and comforts a long time, when my dear friend is dead, weep over the Grave, think and talk of him night and day; and what, shall I spend no time to bewail my dead Soul estrang'd from God, without hope, without Christ and God, in this World, and will, if not timely prevented, be without them for ever? I can deny my self food, and ease, and sleep, in following the World, if riding Journy's, if getting Mony in Market, or Fairs, if selling an Estate, if entring on a great, hopeful, and gainful Voyage; not mind meat or drink a day together, scarce sleep in the night, rise early in the morning, work hard all the day, and not begrudge my pains, if get but small matters; and shall I not set to this work heartily; when I may do it alone without others assistence, and do it thorowly, and get far greater Mercy, and on better terms, and all made sure to my Soul?
I can deny my self food and ease, at my pleasures and sports; ride all day in persuing my Game, sit up all night at Cards and Dice, unwearied in attending on Plays, pleas'd hours in reading Romances; and if lower in the World, I have spent days and hours in sports and recreations, and shall I begrudge one day, or two days, about a business of such concernment?
I have spent many days and weeks in serving my friends, in advising and assisting others, and was never so kind to my self, as to spend one solemn day thus about my self.
I have spent Months and Years about my House, my Grounds, my Cattle, my Mony; and never yet set apart one week about my Soul, my Self; I have spent many hours at Prayer, Reading, Hearing, Sabbaths, Fasts, and Sacraments, till I was quite weary in performing the outside Service, but never yet searcht my Soul to purpose, whether I have got any real good.
God, in his providence, hath made me lye on a sick Bed, or brought me under great troubles and losses, and made me fast, and weep, and groan, nights and days, and may yet cast me under many more; and were I not better willingly choose to fast, and weep, search, and cry, because of my sins, and I may prevent such doleful nights and days? My friends, if good, and Ministers, have wept and pray'd, and God hath waited a long time, and call'd, and his spirit hath been griev'd, and I not yet grieve and mourn in secret.
I must, whether I will or no, very shortly lye days and nights under the Earth, and not eat nor drink, nor enjoy this World months and years, yea, no more; and shall I think it much to deny my self a few days and nights, and may hereby prevent Everlasting roarings and yellings, pains, and horror, for ever? If I sow in Tears a little while, I may reap an Harvest of joy; my worldly grieving for friends have done no good, but increase my sorrows, and work Death; but this godly sorrow may make way for Everlasting joys. Shall I lye in the Grave scores and thousands of years, and not descend in my thoughts, and dwell there one day or night together?
Had I done it sooner, might it not have prevented the loss of much precious time, many blessed seasons, prepar'd me for sore trials, and made all conditions good to me?
Well, yet I have this time, I must not, I will not, I cannot lose it. I will hearken to the Flesh, to the Devil, to the World, no longer, no more.
Now fixing on the time, setting it apart with full resolution, I will set to the work heartily, and perform it thorowly; I will search, and search again, and know, how matters stand betwixt God and my Soul. If, upon serious enquiry, I find that all is out of order, and my Soul is in a sad, and perishing condition; all the World shall not satisfie and quiet me. What if I have health and ease, and riches, and friends at present, these can't help, nor comfort, nor divert me much longer. None but Christ, nothing but pardon, can satisfie my Conscience, comfort my Soul, nor make me truly happy. Why may not Christ be my Saviour, my help, my salvation? Give me Christ, or else I die, and that Eternally. I am not excepted in the calls of the Gospel, in the offers of Mercy. I am willing to come in, and give up my self wholly to God. Here is Head, Heart, Soul and Body, Tongue, and Life, all at thy command and dispose. I have wearied my self for very vanity, and mistook my main business, and errand, in this World. O Lord, thou hast no pleasure in my Death, but hadst rather I would turn and live; turn me, O Lord, and I shall be turn'd: It's thine own work, work in me both to will and to do of thine own good pleasure. I not only engage thus upon present convictions and awakenings, but I resolve in full purpose of Soul, to cleave to Thee all my days, keep it ever in the purpose of my Heart. I must go down into the World again with my Body, but, Lord, keep my Heart still with Thee; keep me by Thy Almighty power, thorow Faith unto Salvation; never leave nor forsake me, and put Thy fear into my Heart, that I may never depart from Thee. I know my Heart is hard, dead, deceitful; Lord, give me a new Heart, a tender Heart, a broken Heart, an humble, sincere Heart; an Heart for Thy self after Thine own Heart, that I may love Thee continually.
Thus follow on the work the whole day together, go not off presently; but pray, and search, promise, and vow, and pray again; say, Lord, if there be yet any deceit, any secret evil, search, root it out, and lead me in the way Everlasting. I am now willing to be wholly Thine, always Thine, and then I am sure I am truly mine own. I know, this is hard work for one not us'd to ordinary fasting, and prayer, and trial. The Horse, not us'd to daily Riding and Exercise, is unfit presently for a Race. It's hard for such to work all the day, that do not work an hour or two daily before hand. But such is my urgent necessity, and present need, that I must now set to it without delay, and must do it to purpose, or as good not do it at all. The Lord help you to be sincere, faithful, and unwearied, in this blessed work, and it may be the best day you ever spent in your Lives, and you may have cause to bless God for it to all Eternity. What would Thousands in Hell give for such an opportunity, if they had it, and it could be bought with Gold and Silver, or any pains and industry? I doubt not, but were it in my power to offer such terms to a dying Man, that cries, and begs for Life, O that God would spare him a little longer; as an extravagant young Man said on his Death-bed, could I Live but one year more, though but in Sackcloth and Ashes: Could I make any Proposals, I doubt not but I could make my own terms; as if God will spare you, will you promise me faithfully to spend an hour every morning and evening on your knees at prayer? will you read so many Chapters daily? will you spend one whole day every week, in fasting, prayer, and weeping? I doubt not, but many, most that are awaken'd and sensible, would answer, ay, with all my Heart, and be glad with such seasons, rather than with days of mirth and folly; rather than eating, drinking, and sinning. Well, why can you not be Wise, and willing, thus in time, before it is too late? I hope, all this will prevail on some, to set to this work presently and heartily, if God bless it to your Souls, it will be so. I can but set it before you, if you will, you may still move on in your old course and ways. The Lord grant, if it be his blessed will, none of you that read these lines, may be foolish, desperate, and hardn'd to your own Destruction.
One such private, retir'd day, may be of more use to you, than all the publick Seasons and opportunities of Grace.
Now you are alone; have time and leasure to meditate, and search, to look back on your Lives, to look into your Hearts; when you are in company, reading or praying, you must go along with what is in hand.
But now you may sometimes read, sometimes pray, sometimes meditate; think of sin, till you feel its weight and burden, its guilt, sting, and burning; think of Gods love in Jesus Christ, till your Souls are inflam'd, and ravisht with love; and you have nothing to hinder you but your wicked Hearts, and that, I confess, is bad enough; as one said to a good Man that was troubl'd at the wickedness of the World, and said, he would live alone, and leave all wicked company; said the other, you must not then carry your Heart with you. However, you have but this one enemy to struggle with; and you may call in Gods help and assistence. Well, think once, and again, is all well? may it not be better? is there no hope, no help? shall I wilfully, and willingly, destroy my self thorow mine own neglect? Would I be thus cruel to my Friend, my Child; if one days fasting, and weeping, and searching, and praying, would save him? shall I say, rather let him perish Soul and Body to all Eternity, than I will thus spend a day on my knees, in pinching my Body, and denying my self the pleasures of this Life?
What though a debaucht Drunkard said to his Physician,Vale, lumen jucundum, &c. that told him, if he left not off drinking excessively, he would lose his sight; then farewel, dear eyes, rather than I will lose my cups. Thus many, cruel to their Bodies, grow fat, unwieldy, sickly, pain'd, have the dropsy, and yet not deny themselves meat and drink; if they are cruel to their Bodies, what hurt hath thy Soul done thee? wherein hath it so highly offended thee, that thou wilt destroy it to all Eternity, rather than deny thy self a little pleasure, ease, and sloth. What hath thy pamper'd, slothful, sinful flesh, deserv'd so well at thy hands, that it must have all thy time, care, and pains, and pleasure; and not afford thy self, one day, one week apart from all worldly matters? Pity, some pity, for the Lords sake, for thine one sake, on that Body and Soul of thine, before it be too late. If nothing will prevail, now God sends me with this message of love to you; sad is that condition. Prov. 9, beg. Wisdom hath builded her House, killed her beasts, mingled her Wine, furnisht her Table, sent forth us Ministers to cry upon the highest places; whoso is simple, let him turn in hither, as for him that wanteth understanding, she saith to him, come eat of my bread, &c. forsake the foolish and live. Prov. 1.20, &c. She cryeth in the chief place of concourse, How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity; turn you at my reproof. Well, but sinners will not hear, turn, and live. Why then, v. 24, &c. because I have called, and ye refused, ye have set at nought my counsel, I will also laugh at your calamity, when your fear cometh as a desolation, and your destruction as a Whirl-wind; when distress and anguish cometh on you, as it will certainly at Death. v. 28. Then sinners may call, and I will not answer; they may seek me early, and earnestly, but shall not find me; their turning away shall slay them, and their prosperity destroy them: yet ver. last, Who so hearkeneth to me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.
The Lord grant, that what I have written, and you have read, may not rise up in judgement against us at the last day, to condemn us, because of our neglecting so great Salvation.
FINIS.