Works of Joseph Hall, Character 10
Of the Penitent.
HE hath a wounded heart and a ſad face; yet not ſo much for feare, as for vnkindneſſe: The wrong of his ſinne troubles him more than the danger: None but he is the better for his ſorrow; neither is any paſſion more hurtfull to others, than this is gainfull to him; The more he ſeekes to hide his griefe, the leſſe it will bee hid; EueryEvery man may reade it not onelyonly in his eyes, but in his bones. Whiles hee is in charity with all others, he is ſo falne out with himſelfe, that none but God can reconcile him: He hath ſued himſelfe in all Courts, accuſeth, arraigneth, ſentenceth, puniſheth himſelfe vnpartially, and ſooner may finde mercy at any hand, than at his owne. He onelyonly hath pulled off the faire vizor of ſinne; ſo as that appeares not but masked vntounto others, is ſeene of him barefac'd; and bewraies that fearefull vglineſſe, which none can conceiue but he that hath viewed it. Hee hath lookt into the depth of the bottomleſſe pit, and hath ſeene his owne offence tormented in others, and the ſame brands ſhaken at him. He hath ſeene the change of faces in that euill one, as a tempter, as a tormenter; and hath heard the noiſe of a conſcience, and is ſo frighted with all theſe, that he can neuer hauehave reſt, till he hauehave runne out of himſelfe, to God; in whoſe face at firſt, hee findes rigour, but afterwards, ſweetneſſe in his boſome: He bleeds firſt from the hand that heales him. The Law of God hath made worke for mercy; which he hath no ſooner apprehended, than he forgets his wounds, and looks careleſly vponupon all theſe terrors of guiltineſſe. When he caſts his eye backe vponupon himſelfe, he wonders where he was, and how he came there; and grants, that if there were not ſome witchcraft in ſinne, he could not hauehave beene ſo ſottiſhly graceleſſe. And now, in the iſſue, Satan findes (not without indignation and repentance) that hee hath done him a good turne in tempting him: For he had neuer beene ſo good, if he had not ſinned; he had neuer fought with ſuch courage, if he had not ſeene his bloud, and beene aſhamed of his foile. Now hee is ſeene, and felt in the front of the ſpirituall battell; and can teach others how to fight, and incourage them in fighting. His heart was neuer more taken vp with the pleaſure of ſinne, than now with care of auoiding it: The very ſight of that cup, wherein ſuch a fulſome potion was brought him, turnes his ſtomacke: the firſt offers of ſinne make him tremble more now, than he did before at the iudgements of his ſinne; neither dares he ſo much as looke towards Sodom: All the powers and craft of hell cannot fetch him in for a cuſtomer to euill; his infirmity may yeeld once, his reſolution neuer. There is none of his ſenſes or parts, which hee hath not within couenants for their good behauiour; which they cannot euer breake with impunity. The wrongs of his ſinne he repaies to men with recompence, as hating it ſhould be ſaid, he owes any thing to his offence; to God (what in him lies) with ſighs, teares, vowes, and endeuours of amendment. No heart is more waxen to the impreſſions of forgiueneſſe; neither are his hands more open to receiue, than to giuegive pardon. All the iniuries which are offered to him, are ſwallowed vp in his wrongs to his Maker, and Redeemer; neither can hee call for the arrerages of his farthings, when he lookes vponupon the millions forgiuen him; he feeles not what he ſuffers from men, when he thinks of what hee hath done, and ſhould hauehave ſuffered. He is a thankfull Herauld of the mercies of his God; which if all the world heare not from his mouth, it is no fault of his: Neither did hee ſo burne with the euill fires of concupiſcence, as now with the holy flames of zeale to that glory which hee hath blemiſhed: and his eies are full of moiſture, as his heart of heat. The gates of heauen are not ſo knockt at by any ſuter, whether for frequence, or importunitie. You ſhall finde his cheekes furrowed, his knees hard, his lips ſealed vp, ſaue when he muſt accuſe himſelfe, or glorifie God, his eies humbly deiected, and ſometimes you ſhall take him breaking off a ſigh in the midſt; as one that would ſteale an humiliation vnknowne, and would be offended with any part that ſhould not keepe his counſell. When he findes his ſoule oppreſſed with the heauy guilt of a ſinne, he giues it vent thorow his mouth, into the care of his ſpirituall Phyſician, from whom he receiues Cordials anſwerable to his complaint. Hee is a ſeuere exactor of diſcipline, firſt vponupon himſelfe, on whom he impoſes more than one Lent; then, vponupon others: as one that vowed to bee reuenged on ſinne whereſoeuer he findes it; and though but one hath offended him, yet his deteſtation is vniuerſall. He is his owne taske-maſter for deuotion; and if Chriſtianity hauehave any worke more difficult, or perillous than other, that he enioynes himſelfe, and reſolues contentment euen in miſcarriage. It is no maruell if the acquaintance of his wilder times know him not; for he is quite another from himſelfe; and if his minde could hauehave had any intermiſſion of dwelling within his breaſt, it could not hauehave knowne this was the lodging: Nothing but an out-ſide is the ſame it was, and that altred more with Regeneration than with age. None but he can relliſh the promiſes of the Goſpell; which he findes ſo ſweet, that he complaines not, his thirſt after them is vnſatiable; and now that he hath found his Sauiour, he hugs him ſo faſt, and holds him ſo deare, that he feeles not when his life is fetcht away from him, for his martyrdome. The latter part of his life is ſo led, as if he deſired to vnliue his youth; and his laſt Teſtament is full of reſtitutions, and legacies of piety. In ſumme, he hath ſo liued and died, as that Satan hath no ſuch match, ſinne hath no ſuch enemy, God hath no ſuch ſeruant as he.