Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 5 · Section 45 – Section 54
§. 45. Of childrens care to burie their parents being dead.
| The duties which children owe to their parents after they are dead, concerne the | Bodie | of their deceaſed parēt. |
| Credit |
It is the dutie of children to bring the bodies of their parents deceaſed, with ſuch decencie and honour, as may be anſwerable to the place and reputation wherein they liued.
So as both the thing it ſelfe, and the manner of doing it, is to be obſerued.Buriall a meanes to maintaine hope of reſurrection.
The thing it ſelfe, namely Buriall of the corps of ſuch as are deceaſed, hath euer beene in vſe in Gods Church: and it hath beene vſed as a meanes to maintaine our hope of the reſurrection of our bodies. Many of the heathen, who neuer dreamt of the reſurrection, Conſtituere pyras: huc corpora quiſque ſu…rum More tulere …a…rum, ſubiect ſiue ignibus, &c. Virg. Aeneid. 11.were wont to burne the dead bodies of their friends: other heathen learned this manner of buriall from the Church, though they knew not the myſterie thereof. It is more cleare then needs be proued, that Gods people, from the beginning of the world, hauehave performed this dutie of buriall to their friends; but it is not pertinent to the point in hand, to inſiſt vponupon the generall: that it belongs eſpecially to children to procure this dutie to be performed, is now the point to be proued, which is readily done by the approued examples of aGen. 25. 9.Iſaak, b& 35. 29.Iaakob, c& 50. 7.Ioſeph, and others expreſly recorded in Scripture.
And great reaſon there is for it: for
1. It is a teſtimonie of great louelove and good reſpect to the partie 1. Reaſon.deceaſed. Now who ſhould manifeſt more louelove, and greater reſpect then a childe?
2. It is a kinde of d1 King. 14. 13. 2 King. 22. 20.bleſſing, promiſed by God to his Saints, to 2. Reaſon.be buried: as on the other ſide, it is a fIer. 22. 19. 1 King. 21. 23, 24. Pſal 79. 3.curſe threatned againſt obſtinate ſinners, not to be buried. In this reſpect, g2 Sam. 2. 5.Dauid bleſſeth the men of Iabeſh Gilead for burying Saul, and acknowledgeth it a kindneſſe done to Saul. Now who ought rather to procure a bleſſing, and doe a kindneſſe to parents, then children, who are oft bleſſed through their parents meanes?
3. It being a great deformity to hauehave a mans corps lie aboue 3. Reaſon.ground (for no carkaſe will be more loathſome then a mans if it lie vnburied) children, who are moſt bound to couer their parents deformity, are in this reſpect bound to burie their corps.Sinne of children to neglect their parents dead corps.
Contrary is their practiſe whoſe mindes are ſo ſet on their parents goods, as they cleane neglect their bodies. So ſoone as their parents breath is out of their body, they ſo buſie themſelues about the things which they hauehave left behinde them, as their corps is ready to ſtinke before care be taken for the buriall of it. Yea, ſome will purpoſely keepe their parents corps aboue ground till they be exceeding noiſome, for receiuing ſome reuenues, or debts, or other accounts, which muſt be paid before the corps be buried. If their corps muſt needes for ſometime be kept aboue ground, let them be imbalmed, or ſo vſed as they may not ſauour. They who are careleſſe hereof, ſhew that they reſpect their parents wealth Sinne of children entring vponupon their parents eſtate before they are dead. 1 King. 1. 5.more then his perſon and honour.
In which reſpect they alſo heinouſly tranſgreſſe, who are ſo greedy of their parents eſtate, as they muſt needs preuent his departure, and like Adoniah enter vponupon their fathers eſtate, and take poſſeſſion of his goods before breath is out of his body: whereby they doe oft cauſe great diſquietneſſe to him that would depart in peace.
Againe, others bearing an inward grudge and ſecret hatred Sinne of children diſturbing their parents funerall.againſt a brother, or other kinſman, whom their parent intirely loued, and in that reſpect durſt not meddle with him in their parents life-time, ſo ſoone, as their parent is dead, picke a quarrell with the party hated, and ſo diſturbe and hinder their parents funerall. Such a plot Eſau intended: but God defeated Gen. 27. 41.it, whereby it appeareth that God is diſpleaſed therewith.
§. 46. Of the decency wherewith children ought to ſee their parents buried.
The manner after which children ought to ſee their parents buried, muſt be with ſuch decency as is agreeable to the commendable cuſtome of the countrie and Church where their parents die, and with ſuch honour as is in ſome meaſure anſwerable to the eſtate, and place of their parents while they liued (at leaſt if it be not aboue the meanes that the parent hath left, or aboue the abilitie of the childe that maketh the ſolemnitie.) Ioſeph was a great Gouernour in Egypt, by reaſon whereof his father when he came thither was highly accounted of: accordingly Gen. 50. 7.with great honour did he carry him to his graue.
There are two extremes contrary to the forenamed decency Contrary, 1. Too ſumptuous funerals.…nd honour. One is an ouerlauiſh and prodigall ſumptuouſneſſe …nd ſolemnitie at their parents funerall, farre aboue the eſtate, …nd farre beyond the meanes which the parent hath left, and …arre alſo aboue the eſtate and ability of the childe himſelfe. …ome by the needleſſe ſolemnitie of their parents funerall are … farre caſt into debt, as they are neuer able to recouer themſelues againe, and ſo bring more diſhonour to their parents by …he weakneſſe of their childes eſtate, then honour by the ſo…mnitie of the funerall: there may be great honour, and much decency in a funerall, where is not extraordinary char…es: inſtance Steuens funerall.Act. 8. 2.
The other extreme is too baſe and priuate a manner of 2. Too baſe funeralls.…urying their parents, much vnbeſeeming both their parents …nd their owne eſtate, and means; which ariſeth from a mixture …f pride, and couetouſneſſe poſſeſſing their hearts. Pride ma…eth them hauehave no ſolemnity at all, becauſe couerouſneſſe will not ſuffer them to exceed in their ſolemnitie. Hence it commeth to paſſe that they chuſe out ſtrange places where neither their parents or ſelues are knowne, and the dead of the night that none may eſpie them; and appoint an vncertaine time, that no friend may accompany them. God oft meeteth with ſuch proud, couetous children in their kinde, and cauſeth them with like diſhonour to be brought to their graues.
§. 47. Of childrens paying their parents debts after their death.
As children muſt hauehave reſpect to the body of their parents Childrens reſpect to the credit of their deceaſed parents.deceaſed, ſo alſo to their credit and name, which is a thing of greater account, and honour: a thing wherein they may bring a kinde of bleſſing to their parents and make them liue after their death.
Parents themſelues cannot doe any thing when they are dead to preſerue the ſame: children therefore being the liuing Image of their parents muſt indeuour to doe it.
Three things there be which children muſt make conſcience of, euen in regard of their deceaſed parents credit, and reputation; one, to pay their debts: another, to ſuppreſſe ill rumors: a third, to imitate their good example.
I. If the eſtate of parents, their goods or lands come to their children, their dutie is to pay their debts, ſo farre as they can: eſpecially if by law thoſe debts may be recouered at their hands. For what law may force others to doe in equitie and Iuſtice, conſcience muſt moue good children to doe in charitie, and recompence to their parents. The holy Ghoſt makes it a Pſal. 37. 21.note of a wicked man to borrow and not to pay. Wherfore to wipe away that blot from the name of a parent deceaſed, children muſt be ready in this kinde to doe what the parent himſelfe, if he were liuing, would, or ſhould doe. Yea if children of themſelues be well able, though their parents left not ſufficient to pay all their debts, they ought to pay them. Herein eſpecially a childlike affection is manifeſted to the parent.
Contrary is their practiſe who ſtriue to get all they can of their parents, and yet make no conſcience of paying any debts at all, vnleſſe law force them thereto. What they doe in this caſe cannot be thought to be done for their parents ſake, but rather for their owne ſake. Many ſo little reſpect their parents credit in this kinde, as they priuily conueigh away and vtterly conceale much of their parents eſtate, of purpoſe to defeate Creditors: which as it is a part of apparent iniuſtice, ſo it is a cauſe of opening the mouthes of men againſt their parents, to their diſcredit and ſhame.
§. 48. Of childrens ſuppreſſing euill reports againſt their parents deceaſed.
* The direction giuen before concerning childrens ſpeech §. 7.of their parents behinde their backs, may fitly be applied alſo to the care which children ought to hauehave of the ſpeeches and reports which are made of their parents after their departure. It followeth as from the leſſe to the greater, that what children doe for their parents credit in abſence behinde their backes, they muſt much more doe when they are dead: for then there is no hope, no poſſibilitie that parents ſhould doe any thing to right their owne wrong in that kinde: it lyeth therefore vponupon children to doe it.
Doe not they cleane contrary, who take occaſion from the departure of their parents, both to open their eares to receiue any ill reports of them, and alſo to open their mouthes to ſpeake ill of them: then blazing abroad all their infirmities, and ſtretching their ill reports of their parents beyond the liſts of truth. Ill birds they are that ſo bewray their owne neaſt. They know that their parents being dead can hauehave no notice thereof: whereby they ſhew what little piety to God or parent is in their heart. But there is an euer-liuing, all-ſeeing, and all-knowing Father that taketh notice of all: who beſide other …engeance will cauſe ſuch meaſure to be meated out to them, …s they mete to their parents. There is no one thing wherein this prouerb, (With what meaſure you mete it ſhall be meaſured Mat. 7. 2.…o you againe) is more often verified then in childrens ingra…itude Quaecun que parentibus ſtipendia intuleris, eadem ipſe a filiis expecta. Thal. Mileſ. apud Di…g. Laert. l. 1.to their parents. All ages hauehave giuen many inſtances thereof. (The very heathen obſerued it.) Which ſheweth Gods great indignation againſt it.
§. 49. Of childrens imitating their parents good example.
If parents hauehave beene perſons of good carriage in their life time, as religious towards God, iuſt in their dealings with men, mercifull to ſuch as ſtood in need of their helpe, doing much good in their place, and ſo ended their daies with much credit; it is an eſpeciall meanes to maintaine and continue this their credit, for children to walke in their ſteps, and to indeuour to be like them.
Thus is a bleſſed memorie of their parents kept freſh and greene (as we ſpeake) though their bodies be rotten. For when they who knew the parents behold the like good qualities and actions in their children, they will thereby be put in minde of the parties deceaſed, and ſay, Oh how ſuch parents yet liue! behold a liuely, and liuing Image of them. Thus did Salomon, Aſa, Iehoſaphat, Hezekiah, Ioſiah and ſuch like good Kings which came of the ſtocke and linage of Dauid, keepe the memory of their father Dauid, freſh, faire, and flouriſhing (long after his body was rotten) as is euident by theſe and ſuch like phraſes, He walked in the ordinances of Dauid his 1 King. 3. 3.father: he walked in all the waies of Dauid his father: he did 2 King. 22. 2.that which was right as Dauid his father, &c. There can be no 1 King. 15. 11.better monument of a parents pietie, honeſtie, and vertue, then a childes liuely repreſentation of the ſame. Wherefore Nullum monumentum clarius relinquere potuit, quàm effigiem morum ſuorum, virtutis, conſtantiae, pietatis filium. Cic. Philip. 9.as a motiue to ſtirre vp children to walke in the good waies of their parents, God hath promiſed to ſhew mercy to thouſands of them that louelove him and keepe his commandements, that is, ſuch as hauing religious and righteous parents walke in their ſteps.
Contrary are both thoſe that are vnlike good parents, and thoſe that are like euill parents. The former ſort doe much impeach and diſhonour the reputation of their parents, as Rehoboam, who by his fooliſh rigorous and vniuſt carriage, made the people ſpeake contemptuouſly of Dauid.1 King. 12. 16.
The latter ſort continue in memorie the euill name, and the ſhame of their parents, and cauſe them to ſtinke more and more: as the ſonnes and ſucceſſors of Ieroboam, who following his idolatrous courſe, made it the more remembred, and cauſed this blur to remaine in his ſtile from age to age, Ieroboam which made Iſrael to ſinne.1 King. 15. 26.
As they ſtop the current, and hinder the paſſage of the bleſſing of righteous parents: ſo theſe propagate, and open a way for the curſe of vnrighteous parents.
§. 50. Of the ſuperſtitious dutie enioyned by Papiſts to children after their parents deceaſe.
To the two forenamed duties of burying the corps, and preſeruing the credit of parents, Papiſts adde a third, and Heathen a fourth, whereof neither are warrantable by Gods word, but directly contrary thereto.
That which Papiſts adde is, that children after their parents Bellar. Tom. 2. Contr. 3. De Purgator. l. 2. c. 16. &c.death ought to procure Diriges, Maſſes, Pardons, Releaſes, and ſuch like toies for them, and make continuall prayers to free them out of Purgatory, and bring them to reſt in heauen: of the vanity of theſe prayers, and folly of the other toies I hauehave *In whole armour of God Treat. 3. §. 39. 40. in Epheſ. 6. 18.elſewhere ſpoken.
The Scripture expreſly teacheth that after death the ſoule goeth to the place appointed for it, of endleſſe bliſſe or woe: ſo as there is no meanes of altering the one, or helping forward the other.
§. 51. Of the vnlawfulneſſe of childrens ſeeking to reuenge their parents wrongs.
That which Heathen adde, is, that children after their parents Seneca in Agamē. Poetae tradiderunt filios patris vlciſcendi cauſa ſupplicium de matre ſumpſiſſe, id que deorum iuſſis, at que oraculis feciſſe. Cic. pro. Sex. Roſ.death reuenge ſuch wrongs as hauehave beene done to them in their life time. And they preſſe this ſo farre vponupon children, as they affright them with their parents Ghoſt, ſaying, that if they neglect to reuenge their parents wrongs, their Ghoſt will follow them, and not ſuffer them to liue in quiet, but moleſt them continually. This conceipt ariſeth from the corruption of nature, which is exceeding prone to reuenge: but it is expreſly forbidden in Scripture, in theſe and ſuch prohibitions, Reſiſt not euill, bRom. 12. 17,Recompence to no man euill for euill. c19.Auenge not Mat. 5. 39.our ſelues &c. Yet ſome in iuſtification thereof alledge d1 King. 2. 5. 8.Da…ids charge to Salomon of taking vengeance on Ioab and She…ei, after his death.
Anſw. The charge which Dauid gaue, & Salomons execution thereof, was no matter of priuate reuenge, but only a lawfull execution of iuſtice which children may and ought to doe. Iuſt reaſons there were to moue Dauid to put off the execution of …uſtice vponupon the one & the other ſo long. e2 Sam. 3. 39.Ioab was too mightie to hauehave execution done on him in Dauids time: and Shemeis & 19. 23.offence was committed in the time of Dauids humiliation, which made him ſweare that he would not himſelfe take Vengeance of him. Beſides, Salomon executed iuſtice on the one and the other, not for the wrongs they did to his father, but for other crimes which they committed in his time: onelyonly their former offences were remembred to aggrauate the matter.
Thus farrc of childrens duties. The manner of performing them followeth to be declared.
§. 52. Of the manner of performing childrens duties.
That clauſe which *§ 37.noted out the limitation of childrens duties, affoordeth alſo an excellent direction for the manner of performing them. It is this, in the Lord: that is, Children muſt ſo performe their duty to their parents as they would or ſhould performe it to the Lord.
More particularly it implieth theſe ſix points:How children obey their parents in the Lord.
1. That their duties be performed in conſcience, or for conſcience ſake, which is all one as for the Lords ſake: for the Lord onelyonly is Iudge of the conſcience and hath power ouer it. Thus 1. By obeying for the Lords ſake. Rom. 13. 5. 1 Pet. 2. 13. Col. 3. 20.muſt ſubiects performe duty to magiſtrates: much more children to parents. The reaſon which the Apoſtle rendereth in theſe words, This is wel-pleaſing to the Lord, ſheweth that children in obeying their parents muſt labour to approue themſelues to God.
2. Their duties muſt be in ſincerity, which is when children 2 In ſincerity.pretend in ſhew to doe no more, then in truth and heart they meane: Whatſoeuer ye doe, doe it heartily as to the Lord, ſaith Col. 3. 23.the Apoſtle. Parents vſe to deale with none more heartily then with their children: accordingly muſt children deale with parents.
3. They muſt be performed cheerefully, with a willing and 3. With cheerefulneſſe.ready minde: for the Lord loueth cheerefulneſſe. Herein lyeth a maine difference betwixt a filiall and ſeruile, a childe 2 Cor. 9. 7.like and ſlauelike obedience.4 With reuetence.
4. They muſt be performed reuerendly as to them which beare the Image of God. Hereof we ſpake *§. 3.before.
5. They muſt ſo be performed, as in performing them no 5. In the feare of God.ſinne be committed againſt God. Hereof alſo we ſpake *§. 37. & 38.before.
6. Conſtancy muſt be added to all other vertues. For as the 6. With perſeverance.Lord himſelfe is conſtant in all his waies and workes, ſo he expecteth that children ſhould be in the duties which he requireth at their hands. He that beginneth well, and holdeth not on, loſeth all the glory of his good beginning.
If the examples of all good children commended in Scripture be well weighed, we ſhall finde their duties, ſo farre forth as they were acceptable to God, performed after the foreſaid manner, in all the branches thereof.
§. 53. Of the aberrations of children in the manner of their obedience.
Contrary are theſe aberrations.
1. When children performe their duties on by-reſpects: Faults in the manner of doing duty. 1. By-reſpects.for feare of parents wrath, and the puniſhment following thereon: for hope and expectation of greater portion and allow…nce: vponupon inſtant perſwaſion of friends, with the like: theſe reſpects ſimply in themſelues are not for the Lord.
2. When they performe them only outwardly in ſhew, 2. Complementall.complementally while parents are in preſence, or may know thereof. This is not with reſpect to God who ſeareheth the …eart.
3. When they performe them grudgingly, mutteringly, 3. Rudely.diſdainfully: as if their parents authority were an vſurped …ower and not giuen them of God. Is this in the Lord?
4. When they performe them rudely and vnmannerly: 4. Grudgingly.his ſheweth they conſider not the glory of Gods Image ſhi…ing in their parents.
5. *§. 38.When they care not how they ſinne againſt God, ſo 5. OnelyOnly to pleaſe man.…ey may pleaſe their parents.
6. When, as if they repented of what they hauehave well done, 6. Vnſetledly.…ey refuſe to doe any more duty to their parents. They waxe …eary, thinking that God hath laid too heauy a burden vponupon …em. Many ſhew themſelues more dutifull in their young… then in their riper yeares. That which maketh children …eary in doing duty, is commonly the great and long neede of …eir parents, as long ſickneſſe, long impotency, long pouerty, with the like. It appeares that ſuch children looke only on their parents as men, which, as they imagine, can neuer recompence their paines and coſt: they looke not to God who is able abundantly to recompence all. Theſe therefore performe not their duty in the Lord.
§. 54. Of the equall reſpect that children are to beare to both parents.
As the diſtinct duties of children hauehave beene ſet forth, ſo I thinke it requiſite to declare diſtinctly who the parties be to whom thoſe duties are to be performed. Theſe principally are the naturall parents, both Father and Mother. Secondarily ſuch as are in the place of parents.
The firſt point then to be noted is, that children beare an equall reſpect to both their naturall parents, and performe duty to both alike. The law expreſly mentioneth both, Honour thy Father and thy Mother. Well may we thinke that there was ſome iuſt and vrgent cauſe, that the law which ſo briefly vnderunder as few words as well could be, compriſeth exceeding much matter, ſhould expreſly mention father and mother, when as there is one word, parent, which includeth both. Now what other reaſon can be rendred then the point in hand?
It is worthy to be noted, how the Apoſtle contenteth not himſelfe to hauehave named parents, which implieth both, but alſo annexeth the expreſſe words of the law, which in particular ſetteth downe, father and mother. It is expreſly ſet downe of Iaakob that he obeyed his father and his mother. Among other Gen. 28. 7.pen-men of Scripture Salomon expreſly mentioneth both father and mother, euen almoſt twenty ſeuerall times in Prou.
Many reaſons there be to inforce this point.
1. Both parents are vnderunder God a like meanes of their childrens Reaſons.being. Children come out of the ſubſtance of both alike.
2. The care and pains of both for the good of the children is very great: I know not of whether the greater. The mothers paines and care in bringing forth the childe is indeed the greater, and it may be alſo the greater in bringing vp the childe, eſpecially while it is young, at leaſt if ſhe giuegive it ſucke her ſelfe: yet afterwards the fathers exceedeth in prouiding fit calling, ſufficient meanes of maintenance, yea and portion or inheritance for it, and that after he himſelfe is dead. Thus one way or other the childe is equally bound to both: and accordingly Gods law maketh no difference betwixt them.
Obiect. The wife is ſubiect to her husband: therefore a childe ought to preferre his father before his mother.
Anſw. Though there be a difference betwixt father and Both parents to be of like account with children.mother in relation of one to another, yet in relation to their children they are both as one, and hauehave a like authority ouer them. Now children are not to looke to that difference that is betwixt their parents in that mutuall relation that is betwixt husband and wife, but to that authority which both parents hauehave ouer their children: and ſo to carry an equall reſpect to both.
2. Obiect. What if the fathers and mothers diſpoſition Direction for a childe when one parent commandeth one thing, the other another.be contrary: and the one command what the other forbids.
Anſw. The thing commanded or forbidden muſt be obſerued: if it be about a thing ſimply good or euill, lawfull, or vnlawfull, then the parent which would hauehave the thing lawfull to be done, or vnlawfull to be for borne (though it be the mother) muſt be obeyed: for in this caſe ſhe is backt with Gods authority. But if the matter be meerely indifferent, then I doubt not but the father muſt be obeyed: yet ſo as the childe no way ſhew any contempt to his mother, but with all reuerence and humility make it knowne to her that it is beſt both for her-ſelfe and himſelfe, that his father be obeyed. But if the fathers contrary authority be not interpoſed, or if the father be dead, then is a mother as ſimply and abſolutely to be obeyed in all things, as a father.