Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 1 · Section 95
§. 95. Of eueryevery ones looking to his owne dutie eſpecially.
In the forenamed application an eye muſt be had rather to the dutie which we owe, and ought to be performed by vsus to others, then to that which is due to vsus, and others ought to performe to vsus: for the Apoſtle ſaith not to the husband, ſee that thy wife reuerence thee, but ſee that thou louelove her: ſo to the wife.
For this purpoſe the holy Ghoſt preſſeth particular duties vponupon thoſe particular perſons who ought to performe them: as Subiection on wiues: louelove on husbands: and ſo in others. This therefore is eſpecially to be conſidered of thee, how thou Vnum duntaxat tibi conſiderandum eſt, quo pacto te praeſtes innoxium. Chryſ. hom. 26. in 1 Cor. 11.maiſt ſhew thy ſelfe blameleſſe. I denie not but that one ought to prouoke another, and one to helpe another in what they can to performe their dutie, eſpecially ſuperiours who hauehave charge ouer others, but the moſt principall care of eueryevery one ought to be for himſelfe, and greateſt conſcience to be made of performing his owne duty.
1. It is more acceptable before God, and more commendable Reaſons.before men to doe duty, then to exact duty. As in matters of free charity, ſo alſo of bounden duty, It is more bleſſed to Act. 20. 35.giuegive, then to receiue. In particular it is better for an husband to be a good husband, then to hauehave a good wife: ſo for a wife. To hauehave others faile in duty to vsus may be an heauy croſſe, for vsus to faile in our dutie to others is a fearefull curſe.
2. EueryEvery one is to giuegive an account of his owne particular Rom. 14. 12.duty. That which the Prophet ſpeaketh of father and ſonne, may be applied to husband and wife, and to all other ſorts of people, If a father doe that which is lawfull and right, he is iuſt, he Ezec. 18. 5. &c.ſhall ſurely liue: if he beget a ſonne that doth not ſo, he ſhall ſurely die, his bloud ſhall be vponupon him. Againe, if a father doe that which is not good, he ſhall die in his iniquity: but if his ſonne doe that which is lawfull and right he ſhall ſurely liue. The righteouſneſſe of the righteous ſhall be vponupon himſelfe: and the wickedneſſe of the wicked ſhall be vponupon himſelfe. That this ſhall be ſo betwixt huſband and wife, may be gathered out of theſe words, Two ſhall Luk. 17. 34.be in one bed, the one ſhall be taken, the other left.
Let this be noted againſt the common vaine apologies which are made for neglect of duty, which is this, Dutie is not performed to me, why ſhall I doe dutie? when my husband doth his dutie, I will doe mine, ſaith the wife. And I mine, ſaith the husband, when my wife doth hers. What if he neuer doe his dutie, and ſo be damned, wilt thou neuer doe thine? This looking for of dutie at others hands, makes vsus the more careleſſe of our owne.
Doe you therefore O husbands looke eſpecially to your Vſe.owne duties, doe you louelove your wiues: and you ô wiues looke Non quae alijs data ſunt praecepta quaerimus quando alicuius criminis ac. cuſamur. Chryſ. loc. citat.you to yours eſpecially, doe you reuerence your husbands. For this end, let husbands read thoſe duties moſt diligently which concerne husbands, and wiues thoſe, which concerne wiues. Let not the husband ſay of the wiues duties, there are goodleſſons for my wife, and neglect his owne: nor the wife ſay the like of husbands duties, and not regard her owne. This is it that maketh the ſubiection of many wiues very harſh and irkeſome to them, becauſe their husbands that vrge and preſſe them thereto ſhew little, or no louelove to them at all: and this is it that maketh many husbands very backwards in ſhewing louelove, becauſe their wiues which expect much louelove, ſhew little or no reuerence to their husbands. Wherefore Let eueryevery one of you in particular ſo louelove his wife, euen as himſelfe: and the wife ſee that ſhe reuerence her husband.