Of Domestical Duties, Treatise 6 · Section 47 – Section 49
§. 47. A direction to parents in correcting their children.
For well vſing this biting coraſiue of correction, parents muſt hauehave reſpect to the matter for which they doe correct, and to their manner of correcting.
In regard of the matter, theſe three things muſt be noted.Three things noted in the matter, for which correction is to be giuen.
1. That they be ſure there is a fault committed: that ſo there be iuſt cauſe of correcting: elſe more hurt then good will proceed from thence. If a coraſiue be laid where there is no ſore, it will make one. If correction be vniuſtly giuen, it may prouoke to wrath, but will doe little good. This is it wherein earthly fathers are taxed, and made vnlike to God, for that many times they correct after their owne pleaſure: which is a point of great iniuſtice.Heb. 12. 10.
2. That the fault be made knowne to the childe corrected: and he apparantly conuinced thereof. Correction muſt be for inſtruction, which cannot be, except the childe know why he is corrected: for it is all one to him, as if he were corrected for no fault, if he know not his fault. God thus a firſt proceeded with the ſerpent, Gen. 3. 11, &c.with Eue, and with Adam. Thus Iudges proceed in puniſhing malefactors. Yea thus will men deale with a dog. Should they not much more with a childe?
3. That the faults be ſuch eſpecially, as the parents can ſhew to their children (if at leaſt they be of ſo much diſcretion) to be againſt Gods word; as ſwearing, lying, pilfring, and the like: for 1. theſe are moſt dangerous faults, and therefore more carefully to be purged out. 2. the childe corrected will thus be the better euicted of his fault, the more condemne himſelfe, and more contentedly beare the correction.
In regard of the manner of correcting, foure generall, and foure Foure general rules for the manner of correcting.particular rules are to be obſerued.
The generall rules are theſe.
1. An eye muſt be had to Gods manner of correcting his children, and in particular of Gods correcting the parent himſelfe: no better generall direction can be giuen: for Gods patterne is a perfect rule.
2. Prayer muſt be made by parents for themſelues and for their children: for themſelues, to be directed in doing it: for their children, to be bettered by it. Thus will good Phyſitians in miniſtring phyſicke. In all duties is prayer to be vſed; eſpecially in this: for a parent is ready, partly through his owne intemperate paſſion, and partly through the childs impatiencie, to fall into one extreme or other. This is not to impoſe vponupon all, whenſoeuer they take vp the rod, to goe and make a ſolemne prayer, but to lift vp the heart for direction and bleſſing.
3. Correction muſt be giuen in louelove. All things muſt be done in 1 Cor. 16. 14.louelove: much more this, that carieth a ſhew of anger and hatred. In louelove they will giuegive phyſicke to their children, and ſplinter a ioynt, if need be. God correcteth his children in louelove: ſo muſt Reu. 3. 19.parents. LoueLove will make them doe it with tenderneſſe and compaſſion.
4. Correction muſt be giuen in a milde moode, when the affections Nunquam, iratus qui accedit ad poenam, mediocritatem tenebit, Cic. Offic. lib. 1. Ier. 10. 11. Foure particular rules for the manner of correcting.are well ordered, and not diſtempered with choler, rage, furie, and other like paſſions. Diſturbed paſſions caſt a miſt before the vnderſtanding, ſo as a man cannot diſcerne what is enough, what too much. When paſſion is moued, correction muſt be deferred. God correcteth in meaſure.
The particular rules are theſe.
1. Due order muſt be kept. Correction by word muſt goe before correction by the rod. bReu. 3. 19. Vt ad vrendum & ſecandum medici, ſic nos ad caſtigandū, rarò, inuitique veniamus, nec vnquam niſi neceſſario, ſinulla reperietur alia medicina. Cic. Offic. lib. 1.I rebuke and chaſten, ſaith the Lord. Thus a parent will ſhew that he taketh no delight in ſmiting his childe: it is neceſſitie that forceth him thereunto. Thus a parent ſheweth himſelfe like to God, who doth not puniſh willingly, Lam. 3. 33. Phyſitians, when they miniſter ſtrong phyſicke, will giuegive a preparatiue: rebuke may be as a preparatiue. Good and pitifull Chirurgions will try all other meanes before they come to launce and ſeere.
2. Due reſpect muſt be had to the partie corrected: if he be young and tender, the lighter correction muſt be vſed. Solomon oft mentioneth a rod, as meeteſt for a childe; for that is the lighteſt correction. So if the childe be of a flexible and ingenuous diſpoſition, ſoone ſneapt, the correction muſt accordingly be moderated. If he be well growne, and withall be ſtout, and ſtubborne, the correction may be more ſeuere.
3. Due reſpect muſt be had to the fault: Sinnes directly Cauendum ne maior poena, quàm culpa ſit. Cic. loc. citat.againſt God, open, notorious, ſcandalous ſinnes, knowne ſinnes, ſinnes often committed, in which they are growne vp, and whereof they hauehave gotten an habit, are with greater ſeueritie to be corrected.
4. A parent muſt behold his owne faults in correcting his childes: ſo more compaſſion will be wrought in him.
§. 48. Of parents too much indulgency.
Contrary to this dutie of correcting are two extremes.
1. Too much lenitie.
2. Too much ſeueritie.
Many ſo cocker their children, as they will ſuffer them to Qui non corripiunt filios ſuos, & eorum animas igni inextinguibili in interitum tradunt, & ſemetipſos in furorem iudicij dem…rgunt. Orig. in Iob. lib. 1. 1 Sam. 2. 29.run into any miſdemeanour, rather then correct them. They cannot endure to heare their children cry: and therefore their children muſt be pleaſed in all their humours and euill deſires. Theſe parents bring ſhame to themſelues, and miſchiefe vponupon their children: for God is oft forced to correct ſuch. Heauy are Gods corrections: and oft light on parent and childe both: as appeareth by the iudgement on Eli and his ſonnes: for ſuch parents make themſelues acceſſary to their childrens ſinnes: yea alſo to the iudgements laid vponupon their children. God ſaith of ſuch parents, that they honour their children aboue God. It is therefore a fond indulgency which maketh parents regard neither Gods honour, nor their owne or childrens ſafetie.
Mothers for the moſt part offend herein, who are ſo farre from performing this dutie themſelues, as they are much offended with their husbands if they doe it. And to proclaime their folly to all the world, they cannot commit their children to a Tutor or Schoole-maſter, but with a ſtrait charge, that they correct them not.
Obiect. Correction maketh children ſots and blocks.
Anſw. If Gods ſpirit deſerue to hauehave more credence then ſuch fooliſh women, that obiection is moſt falſe, for we heard *§. 46.before how correction giueth wiſdome, and driueth out fooliſhneſſe.
2. Obiect. Mothers may be the more borne with herein, becauſe with long trouble they did beare, and with great trauell bring forth their children.
Anſw. That may be a good motiue for them to ſeeke the true good of their children, that ſo their trouble and trauell may not be in vaine: but not to vphold them in the broad way that leadeth to deſtruction.
§. 49. Of parents too much ſeueritie in correcting their children.
They who offend in the other extreme of ſeuerity, of the Patres non oportet aſperos eſſe circa filios. Cyp. Teſtim. l. 3. c. 71.two are the more vnnaturall parents; they offend directly againſt the firſt branch of this text (Prouoke not to wrath.) Nothing more prouoketh then immoderate ſeuerity: for
1. It argueth no louelove in the parent, but rather hatred, at leaſt wrath, and other ſuch like diſtempered affections.
2. It ſofteneth not the childes heart, but hardeneth it rather.Uerendum ne, ſi parentes ob quaevis errata filios coarguant, frontem tandem ipſi perfricent. Greg. Naz. ad Vital.
3. It maketh him dull, and ſtupid, and cleane peruerteth the right and true end of correction.
4. It oft maketh a childe thinke of doing ſome miſchiefe to his parent or himſelfe.
That parents may the rather take heed of this extreme, I will briefly note wherein exceſſe in ſeueritie is ſhewed.
It is ſhewed, when correction is giuen
1. For no fault. In this caſe, though correction be neuer ſo light, it is too ſeuere.
2. For ſmall faults, in wrath and furie, though the ſtripes be few and light, yet the parents behauiour is too much ſeueritie.
3. To children that are young and tender, or ſoft, milde and ingenuous, as if they were in ſome yeeres, the moſt obſtinate and peruerſe that could be.
4. Too often: for eueryevery thing done amiſſe: whereas parents Multa quae vident parentes videre ſe diſſimulent; multa ſe minime audiſſe fingant quae auribus infixa habent. Greg. Naz. ad Vital.ſhould ſeeme not to ſee or heare many things which they ſee, and heare.
5. Too ſorely: ſo as the childe is lamed, or ſome way ſo hurt as he ſhall feele it as long as he liueth.